LAST EDITED ON 10-04-04 AT 06:01 PM (EST)

Welcome to Episode 2 of The Bachelor, Round 6. Will Andrea go through an entire hour without crying? Will shy-girl Jayne develop her own non-verbal language as a means of communicating with Byron? Does 15 (women) – 10 (roses) still equal 5??? (heartbroken women whose lives will be shattered at the end of the next 62 minutes) Read on for the answers to these and other questions.

It’s week 2, and things are even more complicated than they were last week. The show started with two bachelors and 25 women for a 12.5 to 1 ratio of desperate women searching for love to aging bachelors who think they’re ready to settle down. But after last weeks elimination of the metrosexual bachelor Jay and 10 women, the ratio is now 15 to 1. The odds are actually worse for the women going into week 2! Just in case you missed the premiere, check out Mon Sherie’s recap here. Heck, even if you watched last week’s episode, you’ll want to check out her summary, as she and others went to an awful lot of trouble to provide it for your convenience.

Last week we learned that things will be different this season, as it seems the producers are determined to figure out how to ensure their chosen guy actually falls in love and is ready to commit to marriage. Maybe what they really need is to find a bachelor who’s just a little more desperate than those they’ve chosen so far – unbelievably good looking and successful men who can apparently have as many women as they want, leaving little incentive for them to settle down. Brian doesn’t look too different than the rest, just a little older. For some reason, professional bass fisherman doesn’t scream out ready to tie myself down to one woman forever. Plus, there’s just something about having 20-plus women clamoring after you that will make even the most marriage ready man think twice about whether it’s time to settle down.

The hour begins with an explanation of the next big twist. The girls will have Brian and his dog Sabrina living with them in the mansion. Actually it looks like he’ll be living in the poolhouse. I can just imagine several of the women light up as they contemplate their hidden fantasies – “you’ll be the pool boy, and I’ll ask you to rub lotion on me, and we’ll see where that leads…”

Anyway, Chris tells the girls there are no rules – anything goes! This is the producer’s subtle way of hinting that if they want to get freaky with the bachelor, it’s quite alright! Chris does not remind them that there are hidden cameras in all the bathrooms and closets. Oh, and something else, there will only be two dates between now and the next rose ceremony, both one-on-one dates; no group dates this time. Since they are all going to be living together the group dates are unnecessary.

Already, the girls are jockeying for position to get one of those dates. If my Sacramento Kings team (I’m a big fan!) worked that hard to jockey for position, they would lead the league in rebounding.

Andrea, Kelly and Christi are asked to help Brian move in, and I must say that Andrea is looking extremely hot in her white tank top. I’m thankful for this little reminder of why I watch this show.

The girls help him move in by arranging pictures and trophies he brought, and making his bed. Trophies? What kind of guy is so proud of his trophies that he’d bring them along to impress a bunch of women? Hey, unless it’s the freakin’ Stanley Cup, leave those sad little trophies at home, please. Anyway, after being his housekeeper for a little while, the girls are rewarded with some alone time. Over the next few minutes, we get various short segments about how much the girls like Byron and want to get to know him. They’re happy he’s living in the mansion with them. So far none has used any of the standard “c-words”, connection, chemistry or …, I can’t think of the other one. Christy has referred to this being a competition already, oh yeah, there’s the other c-word Now that we’ve gotten the competition word thrown out there, it is officially GAME ON! They aren’t here to make friends with the other girls, remember.

After interacting with the ladies at lunch, where we hear that Andrea will do anything to spend time with Byron - even make him an almond butter sandwich - it’s time for Byron to retire to his mother-in-law cottage and decide who to spend his first one-on-one date with.

Back at the house, the girls are at the pool and we learn that Krysta (this season’s designated psycho bad girl) already thinks he could be “the one”. When Byron puts his invitation on the Official Date Announcing Podium by the Pool, Krysta streaks across the pool deck giddy with anticipation. This could be her big chance. Alas, date number one is with Cheresse, which makes Krysta very upset; it’s like a punch in the stomach. She comments that it’s time to get her “A” game on. So far they’ve just been warming up. Hmmm, if my Sacramento Kings looked as good in warm-ups as Krysta does in her bikini…. Oh, nevermind!

The First One-on-one Date

Cheresse is a little on guard because she has chosen the wrong guys in the past. She hopes Byron isn’t a commitment phobe. Conversation flows naturally in the limo and when they arrive at their destination, they are greeted with a private concert by Brandy and her backup dancers. Cheresse is impressed, although judging from the look on her face, I wonder if she actually recognized Brandy at first. I know I didn’t. Cheresse says this may be her best date ever, after all how many times do you go on a date and find Brandy is there to give you a private concert? Actually, Cheresse, who is from St Louis, wouldn’t know that for us Californians, this is a pretty regular occurrence. Heck I was discussing this very thing at lunch with Governor Schwarzenegger last week.

After the concert, they stay to drink martinis and talk about their failed relationships. Back at the house, Krysta is entertaining the other girls by cooking dinner in an apron, a thong, and nothing else. I sure hope she’s drunk. Her butt area has to be blurred out which means either the apron doesn’t cover her backside very well, or there’s an unsponsored advertisement on her a$$.

Later that evening, Kristie decides to leave Byron a little note saying she hopes to get some one-on-one time with him. She leaves a couple flowers too. “Coincidentally”, Krysta comes up with the same idea and brings her own note to Byron’s doorstep. After seeing Kristie’s flowers, Krysta runs off to find a whole bouquet.

After the commercial break, we are treated to some drama between Krysta and Kristie regarding the “note on the doorstep” incident (as we Bachelor insiders are calling it). It’s a little complicated to explain, but I’ll do my best. Seems that Krysta is mad at Kristie for talking crap to the other girls about Krysta copying her “note on the doorstep” idea (as we insiders are calling it). So she confronts Kristie about it, and it ends in THE.FAKEST.MAKEUP.HUG.EVER. Privately, Krysta tells us ”it’s a free note country and I can leave whatever the bleep notes I want. I can say whatever I want, and she needs to grow up or get out.” Okay, stop right there. Please tell me Krysta, why is it a free note country and you get to say whatever you want, but it’s not okay for her to say whatever she wants to the other girls about your behavior? This is the kind of twisted logic that drives me insane. I now hate Krysta. Therefore, I hope she makes the final two so I can watch Byron rip her heart out on finale night. GO KRYSTA!

Back at the mansion with Amanda and Leina. We learn that Leina has realized she’s in love with her “best friend” and not Byron (fortunately my gag reflex is keeping me from recapping tonight’s dinner). More on this storyline later, I’m sure. Right now, it’s time to find that the second one-on-one date goes to Jayne! She confesses to being very nervous about the idea of a private date and hopes her shyness won’t be an obstacle to getting a rose.

One-on-one Date Number Two

Their date starts with a little fishing trip. Jayne has never been fishing before, but finds it exciting because it shows Byron in his element. She likes seeing guys in their elements. I’m not sure whether this is a euphemism for something else! Byron gives her a brief introductory lesson, and then hands her his rod (sorry, couldn’t resist). Seconds later she’s reeling in a fish. Byron tells her to kiss the fish before he releases it and she does! He does NOT ask her to kiss the rod! Byron is amazed that she would actually kiss the fish just like he does. Jayne has scored MAJOR points tonight. But does she really want a man who kisses fish?

Jayne tells us privately that she was having so much fin, she forgot to be nervous. This, as she’s standing in the rowboat holding two glasses of wine! Jayne, maybe you were having so much WINE you forgot to be nervous. Finally, she tells us that , c'mon Jayne, say it “there seemed to be a connection”/ Empty your shot glasses folks, we have connection!

Part two of their date is dinner, and they talk extensively about Jayne’s shyness. She says it would be easier to just stay near the back. Byron says he’ll dig to the back to get to her. How sweet. Jayne and Byron discuss ether it’s possible to finds love on a TV show. She hopes he understands she’s shy and it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like him. As they head back to the mansion, Byron tells us he can see developing a lifelong relationship with Jayne, but she needs to break out of her shell.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Leina announces she’s leaving. Everyone pretends to be sad, but no one truly is. One down, 13 to go, seems to be the overriding sentiment.

The dates are over now, so it’s almost time for the rose ceremony. We learn there will be no party before the ceremony, but he can pick three girls to meet with privately before eliminations begin. He picks Natalie, Jayne, and Kristie. They are all hesitant about meeting with him as if it must be a bad thing. Natalie is first. She tells Byron she has reservations about the fact he was once married. Uh oh. I don’t think he appreciated that. He counters by explaining that it shows he was willing to make a marriage commitment. He doesn’t go on to say the obvious – he’s also willing to break a marriage commitment! Privately, Byron confides to us that he hasn’t developed a solid connection with her. I’m guessing she’s a goner.

Jayne is next. She’s rightfully worried about what it means that he wants to talk to her. She’s worried that he doesn’t understand her interest in him. She tells him she’s interested but needs the other person to make the first move.

Back in the mansion, Krysta tells Andrea she’s worried that Kristie is going to spend her precious one-on-one time bad mouthing her. Andrea is shaking her head at Krysta. I hope it’s because she is thinking Krysta is psycho. What an ego that woman has. If my Sacramento Kings team all had egos that big, they’d be… a typical NBA team! Instead, Kristie tries perhaps too hard to sell him on their common interests. Kristie: You like Harleys? Me too. You like to fish? So do I! Byron thinks Kristie likes him and is trying too hard to sell herself to him by appealing to their common interests, which concerns him. Hey, weren’t you just telling Jayne she needs to let you know how she feels? Now a different girl does just that, and you have concerns? HELP!

Back in the mansion, Andrea tells the girls she’s going to cry in the limo. She is overwhelmed by emotions. Since she cried at just about everything last week, that comes as no big surprise. In case we had forgotten, Byron comments there are only 10 roses to give to 14 women. He is apparently unaware that this is The Bachelor #6 and we all know the math by now. He says it will be a hard decision because, his The Bachelor handbook tells him so.

Rose Ceremony

The rose ceremony starts with Chris, once again, explaining the math for the ladies and all the new viewers. Byron gets right down to business. Tanya gets the first rose, followed by Amanda, Elizabeth (token black girl makes it to round 3), Cheresse, and Andrea. This, despite the fact we heard almost NOTHING about the first three girls. Five down and five to go. So far no one has commented that they have a 1 in 10 chance at a million dollars, which is good.

Rose number 6 goes to Suzie, then Jayne, Kristie, and Krysta get roses. That’s nine roses and Chris steps in. Will he be revealing a new twist? No, he’s just there to tell us the final rose is upcoming. Ahhhh! There are five women left – Natalie, Wende, Cindy, Ashley, and Kelly. Who will get the last rose? It’s Cindy! The other four say their good-byes. Ashley said she wasn’t very aggressive. Wende said they didn’t connect after their initial meeting. Kelly says they weren’t a match. Natalie tells us she’s surprised because their conversation went well. There is little drama compared to last week, and there never was or is any mention of the ceremony being the most dramatic ever. Maybe the most well-reasoned ever. Oh well, you need a few valleys to appreciate the peaks, right?

Byron toasts his remaining harem as they look forward to a wonderful adventure. At least he didn’t call it a process…. Yet.

Next week – Byron is going on a mystery date, but none of the 10 girls is going with him. There are “mystery guests” moving in after the mystery date. Who could it be? Past Bachelorettes? The claws will be coming out, of course, since Krysta’s still in the house. Also, things are getting serious as Byron starts to fall for several women – and they are falling for him. It looks like a dramatic episode Wednesday, so tune in, then come here to Reality TV World for the very best in Bachelor commentary.

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