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"ADD Questions"
Breezy 18380 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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10-07-03, 09:58 AM (EST)
 
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"ADD Questions" |
Anyone here dealing with this with their child? Or know of a good website I can browse? I did a search but all the sites I looked at were so vague and they tended to talk more about ADHD then ADD.SS was supposedly diagnosed and is now on medication. His father and I tend to think he's using it as an excuse and think he just needs more discipline. SS is fourteen, freshman in highschool has done fine in school, highest marks in MEAPS in his class every year, three years ago they wanted to bump him up a grade. To me he just acts like a child that has never been taught responibilites and consequences. Unfortunately my DH is no help in this area. He refuses to really punish SS when he's with us because he only sees him every other weekend and he doesn't want to be the bad guy. Needless to say every other weekend is not much fun for me, stressed out the whole weekend. And it's starting to affect DD too. She's starting to get upset and angry that she's the only one that gets told to stop and yelled at when both are doing something they shouldn't. By the way, we did not see any change in his behaviour this past weekend from the medication. If you ask me he was even worse, didn't listen numerous times, didn't close and latch the gate on the dog pen.....  
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Coconut 10856 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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10-07-03, 10:59 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: ADD Questions" |
This isn't relevant to ADD, but it is relevant to the general situation of your DH not wanting to be the "bad guy" when you have SS for every other weekend. This article comes from "Miss Manners' Guide to Rearing Perfect Children". Why lions and tigers should have the full task of amusing children of divorced parents on weekends, Miss Manners does not know. She does know that the combined efforts of every creature in the zoo are not enough to cement a relationship between small children and nonresident parents.
Weekend custody is often the occasion for a rivalry between parents that does nothing for their offspring except ruin their appetites for dinner. The parent who wishes to make his or her time seem like a holiday, in contrast to the everyday child-rearing of the chief custodial parent, is makig a mistake. People with whom we only make whoopee never turn out to mean as much to us as those with whom we share our everyday lives.
Mis manners will not concede that this means that the weekend parent hasn't a chance to weave himself into the fabric of the child's life. The advantage of not having to do the daily nagging about getting ready to go to school, getting to bed early, and so on remains with the weekend guardian. There are greater blocks of time with which to work, uninterrupted, and fewer tasks for the child.
Filling that time with an occasional excursion is all very well, but only as a part of sharing the parent's life and interests, and his sharing the child's. First, the child must learn that he has a permanent place in that parent's life, and a realistic one, as opposed to that of a pal one goes partying with, so to speak.
This means that the parent reveals his household routine, whatever it is, and asks the child to share it. The chores or running a household, as well as the rules concerning meals, bedtime, and manners standards, are made explicit. It is one of the great ironies of child-rearing that children who are allowed to do anything they feel like end up feeling resentful, as they all harbor, against what one would think to be their own interests, the strict and conservative notion that a parent that truly loved them would take the trouble to bring them up. ...(omitted a non-applicable segment)... So much for the theory. What happens when the children arrive on Friday night, spoiling to be spoiled? No, no, not their briefing the parent on the other parent's social life or character faults. That should really be discouraged for the psychological toll it exacts, not to mention the dearth of amusement to children. The briefing comes from the parent on what has happened in his life, since they were last there, and what to expect for the weekend; and from the child, on his activities since last seen and his hopes for the weekend.
Here is a sample dialogue:
Parent:"I'm a little edgy, because I've been working on a tough case this week" (Story follows, geared to the understanding of the child, but sharing in some way what the parent's thoughts and concerns have been). "I've got about two hours' work left, and we need to plan a study period when I can do that and you can do your homework. Henrietta and her children will be here Saturday night and I'd appreciate it if you'd help me amuse those kids. Otherwise, here are some things I thought we might do" (There follows a list of real interests the paernt wants to share, whether it is painting the garage or going out with some definite mission and preparation, such as heading for the local museum after a discussion of a particular topic to be studied there, reading aloud something from which they can all find amusement and instruction, or practicing a sport together. The zoo is fine if everyone wants to see something, not because nobody can think of anything else to do).
Child: "Why can't we go to the movies? Why do you have to have those stinky kids here? Can we have a pizza for dinner? I can't do my homework, because I forgot my history book. Why do we have to paint the garage? I'd rather watch television while you do it."
At this point, it is useful for the parent to imagine himself in full custody. Would he treat the children as somewhat unpleasant houseguests, who have to be indulged because they are only around temporarily, or would he assert himself as a parent and reply that he expects his children to eat sensibly, perfor their duties, be pleasant to his guests, and make an effort to exert themselves intellectually, rather than allowing their minds to lie around doing the easiest thing?
It is that that makes the real difference between a parent and a host. It is possible to be a parent on a part-time basis, and worth it, if for no other reason, because children have amazingly little emotional attachment to those who only entertain them. *whew* Hope you find it useful. Or funny.  
Dangerous Poultry Removal Committee
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pythonfan 3348 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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10-07-03, 11:38 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: ADD Questions" |
Hey Breezy,This is something I know TONS about - besides being a teacher (well in my other life) I also have a kid with it. ADD and ADHD are the same thing - the "real" term is ADHD and they differenitate between ADHD - hyperactive and ADHD non-hyperactive. I'll look up some of my links for you and post them soon.
One note about the meds - don't give up on the first one or first dosing. It may not be the right one for him. How was he diagnosed? Was it a long process, did they just say "hey he's got it?" (That would concern me) did you see more than one doc? Okay, I'm gonna go look around for some info. I know I have it stored away somewhere.
 
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling snow while it is still snowing." -Phyllis Diller
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Breezy 18380 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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10-07-03, 01:24 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: ADD Questions" |
LAST EDITED ON 10-07-03 AT 01:26 PM (EST)Inattention Often fails to pay close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork or other activities
Often has trouble sustaining attention during tasks or play
Often doesn't seem to listen when spoken to directly
Often doesn't follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores or other tasks
Often has difficulty organizing tasks or activities
Often avoids or dislikes tasks that require sustained mental effort, such as schoolwork or homework
Often loses things needed for tasks or activities, such as books, pencils, toys or tools
Is often easily distracted
Is often forgetful
Must have six of these to be diagnosed. I don't six of them in him.
ADD and the College Student: A Guide for High School and College Students with Attention Deficit Disorder, by Patricia Quinn, 1994. Would it be wrong of me to get him this book for Christmas? Thanks the articles were interesting.
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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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10-07-03, 03:54 PM (EST)
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21. "RE: ADD Questions" |
First, I don't know why I saw your original post as from Esbea this morning ( *waves at Bea*) and I actually thought it was odd I didn't know Esbea had a step child. DUH!Ok, this is the weird thing to me about your SS's ADHD. He is 14 and all of a sudden they think he has it and is put on meds? See, it isn't something they develop, in fact it is more likely kids get a bit better as they get older.
If he is ADHD he has always been ADHD, he would have always had attention troubles, seemed scatered or had an inability to concentrate, would have struggled in school and had a hard time sitting still and staying focused. I've heard that lots of children are medicated for rudness or disobedience, but those things aren't ADHD. Yes, kids with this syndrome can be implulsive and seem like they don't listen or follow directions, but it's completely different from just acting out and misbehaving.
Also, is your Step son on the meds all the time? Because I think most kids are medicated for School only. Maybe in severe cases they take them all the time, but all the kids I know it's only for school. Yes, there are different doses and medications, but my daughter's Doctor told us, that basically if the meds are going to work you notice pretty quickly ( with my child the change was within a day or so, and she said she could think clear) and if the meds don't work, than the child probably doesn't have ADHD. These medications are pretty serious stuff, I hated the idea of medicating my child, and medicating one who doesn't need them to function is scary. Even in the children who need them, the side affects can be pretty severe, especially with Ritalin. Don't know if I helped at all, since your situation is very different.
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Esbea 7377 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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10-10-03, 01:08 PM (EST)
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30. "RE: ADD Questions" |
hmmm...I think its odd I didnt know I had a step child either.  Ill have to go back and read what I wrote now.
My niece was diagnosed with ADD "late". The doc said that shes had it all along, but attributed the worsening symptoms to puberty. Im with you though Buggy, its used as a diagnosis much too often.
Both my kids take Concerta, just because we wanted to go with the once a day thing and it seemed to be the best choice for them.
Im so happy that you and your DH had a good talk about this Breezy and that he realizes how lucky he is to have you.
''What really scares me most, more than nukes or cancer, is a person without a sense of humor.''
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SaphireLady 2491 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Seventeen Magazine Model"
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10-12-03, 12:29 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: ADD Questions" |
Since you are a loving and concerned parent that is informed, the chances are that your daughter and you will be just fine. The good news about girls with this problem is that with definitely set boundaries, a good doctor and parent team, meds that actually work (too many don't and alot of doctors don't take the time to find the right med for the right child etc.) your daughter will be just fine. And yes, as ADD children age, they do improve as long as they had the right values given in youth. I know your daughter is going to be just fine.
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SaphireLady 2491 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Seventeen Magazine Model"
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10-08-03, 01:39 AM (EST)
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23. "My Son was/is ADD/ODD" |
First let me say that raising children is hard work so don't let it get ya down. Second, I think you are right and will state my reasons for thinking so.1) ADD children are usually diagnosed at alot earlier ages and true ADD kids it is a definite problem even getting through kindergarten. So the fact that your son has made it this far without meds or special help tends to make me believe this is behavioral not ADD. 2) Doctors and schools use ADD as a catch all when they can't be trouble to find another cause or because of just not wanting to say your child is being a brat or even to saying they do not know or can't find anything wrong. 3) ADD children do tend to be highly intelligent and in fact score very high on IQ type test. 4) ADD children have a hard time focusing in and yet at the same time can play a mean game on nitendo. They frustate very easily, they tend to have few friends it any and those they make tend to leave after awhile because it is hard to be friends with someone that will blast you for a percieved slight. They tend to see the world, in views of emotions here and rights and wrongs, in black and white with no grey yet see their own behavior as acceptable or at least that their reasoning for it is acceptable. However ADD kids, if taught by good parents, are honest, and loyal and can be, if energy focused, good at alot of things. Our doctors, and psy sessions, etc... taught us that these kids require and NEED extreme structure in home, classroom, etc... and they NEED consequences set in stone for their actions. A written list of rules and consequences with aa couple of lines for things that can fall under the tent of parent and school for the things you don't think of at time of making chart. Also when listing consequences list a group of rewards or even have him make a list of things he would like. IE, all homework done for week I get to rent a movie of my choice. No fighting with parents and school, etccc.. a rental game, a trip to burger king, what ever with it he does well on report card a dinner and movie out or something. These charts work well by help the child stay on task and know what they have to do as well as helps the parent by keeping them focused and by not having to think of punishment cause it is written down, saves the fighting after the first couple of offenses where you really have to work hard to make this new tool work. Truely, if your son is truely ADD, then you are getting a very late start in aiding him and will have to work hard. The chart idea is in the ADD parent handbook so to speak. Hubby and I have attended numerous ADD workshops and this tool is the best because at his age he can sit down and help make it up from start to finish and therefore is part of the plan to improve and when time to punish he was in on the consequnces himself too. If I can help you or if you need to chat give me a hollar. But in my honest opinion, unless alot has been left out of what has been like raising your son, he is probably not ADD but a typical 14 yr old boy going through a rebellious stage. ADD children can be very tiring to raise but once you get them there the reward for you at seeing them become successful and knowing that if you had not worked that hard that the child would be in jail (over 50 percent of prison populations are ADD) it is a good feeling for yourself. Our son is only 19 and the doctors have told us it takes about til age 25 for it all to work out, even up, etc.... but he has made leaps and bounds in his temper, frustration levels etc. He has been taught tools to help him deal. Example, he always has to do something, so he twirls his class ring between two fingers and then he can stay focused on the conversation. When he feels himself ready to blow he will go for a walk or run, yes sometimes he screams and rants on his way out the door but when he comes back he is calm and if he is still not ready to listen to reason or talk, we will table discussion till later. ADD children will hear you and a day or too later get the meaning at least it is that way with son, that could be the ODD part. Anyway, email if ya need to chat, I am a 14 yr vetran of this (diagnosed at age 5, kindergarten).
"Do you know, I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too? I never saw one alive before!" "Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn, "if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you." Lewis Carroll; Through the Looking Glass
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Calypso 169 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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10-08-03, 09:59 AM (EST)
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25. "RE: ADD Questions" |
My mother, who is a social worker, and knows her way around the human cranium (but is also a little flaky when it comes to public health conspiracy theories -- like she's absolutely paralyzed about fluouride in the water) is making me read Healing ADD: The Breakthrough Program That Allows You to See and Heal the 6 Types of ADD by Daniel G. Amen
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0425183270/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2/103-3985570-4591867?v=glance&s=books#product-details
Her theory is that Calypso daughter has it. I am struggling to be open-minded about this, because I'd like to think that I am the kind of parent who, if there was intervention that could give my girl some relief, would be on it like white on rice. But my mom says stuff like "The book helped me realize that we all have some aspects of ADD." and that just sounds flaky as all h*ll.
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Breezy 18380 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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10-10-03, 12:53 PM (EST)
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27. "Thankyou Everyone" |
Thanks for all your comments, stories and concerns.I sat DH down the another night and had a pretty conversation with him regarding SS and his ADD. He was really surprised about some of the things I had found out and was ready to ask questions. He called the ex last night but she wasn't home, so we don't have too many answers to the questions he now has. (He even wrote them down and left room to make notes as he's talking to her.) He did talk to SS and found out he's on Concerta and he was complaining of a stomache ache and was still asleep on his feet. So now I've been researching Concerta and I know that it's basically the same thing as ritalin and he's showing some of the side effects. We're still waiting to question why he's on anything with the ex, and DH also wants the dr's name so he can and ask more questions. I don't think DH realized how bad it could be to have SS on something that he didn't need. He must have thought it just didn't do anything if you didn't need it, but with your help and internet I have enlightened him.
by the way the talk went really really well, he looked stunned and just kept thanking me for looking into this.
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SaphireLady 2491 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Seventeen Magazine Model"
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10-10-03, 01:01 PM (EST)
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29. "RE: Thankyou Everyone" |
Glad you checked this all out. If this drug is "like" ritalin and he is age 14 which is puberty, then he does not need to be on this at all. There are better drugs out there for his age group with alot less side effects and that will not have him asleep on feet or high as a kite.Also, I gave you my opinion and reasoning and again my "experience" with dealing with this. If you have questions, concerns, just want to gripe, give me a hollar. I understand, believe me I understand. Also, if in your checking you found out more boys, lots more boys are diagnosed with this it is because the girls exhitbit different type symtoms. For a girl with this the symtoms are sooooo much different and she reacts in a different way. I can give this if anyone out there has a girl that thinks something is wrong or if not sure about her behavior. I will only say that the label "easy" can fit girls with ADD, not all girls do this just that it is a prominent part of girls with ADD.
"Do you know, I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too? I never saw one alive before!" "Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn, "if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you." Lewis Carroll; Through the Looking Glass
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Chrissy gal 1413 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson"
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10-12-03, 06:05 AM (EST)
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32. "RE: ADD Questions" |
I'm a little bit late to the discussion, but I have a few things to add.What I know about a kid who takes medication for ADD: A boy who played youth football with my son was diagnosed with ADD and took medication. He was a very active young man who always wanted to get in a few more tackles after practice. My son would alway oblige him and they both had fun and were happy. The second season started and something very strange happened. After practice instead of asking my son if he wanted to keep practicing, the boy grabbed my son by the face mask and swung him around like a rag doll. He then dropped my son to the ground and kicked him until the boy's mother and I reached them and stopped him. The boy's mother explained that he had spent a few weeks with his grandparents who took him off his medications and he had refused to take them again. After that incident she convinced her son that he needed the medication. He started taking it again, and he and my son were back to tackling eachother and having a great time together within a couple of weeks. What I know about a kid who doesn't have ADD: My son has numerous problems, but ADD is not one of them. He has "sensory defensiveness", "fine motor skills delay", "visual-motor integration deficit", "auditory processing deficit", and "motor planning deficit". Included in his auditory processing deficit is the inability to distinguish the voice of the person who is talking to him from the other voices in a room. I found all of this out, because I would not accept one teacher's idea of what ADD is. By finding out what specific problems he has we were able to help him cope with these problems. Heavy physical activity can help calm sensory defensiveness, so he played football (he was a lineman since it didn't require fine motor skills or major motor planning). He learned to look at people's mouths when they talk to him, so he reads lips while he listens. If a teacher gives him an art project, he explains his problems to the teacher and then tries to do the best he can. I know this was a long post, but I just wanted to let you know that there are some children who really need medication and there are others who have other problems that will not be helped by ADD medications. Lastly: My son is now 16 and he is doing great in school and life. I took him and his brother out the dinner at a nice restaurant one night this week. He told me that a recent study showed that teenagers favorite thing to do with their parents is - going out to dinner and talking!!! He said, "I think I agree with the study." Good luck, Breezy, I hope everything works out for your SS. Chrissy gal
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SaphireLady 2491 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Seventeen Magazine Model"
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10-12-03, 12:43 PM (EST)
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34. "RE: ADD Questions" |
I am so glad you did not just take the doctors answer without questions. ADD, in my opinion, is an easy copout for so many teachers and doctors. When the reality is, I just don't think as many kids have this as they think. Otherwise, how did families in the 40 and 50's cope with these kids, yet none were diagnosed then. I truely believe that if parents, teachers, and doctors would take the time to truely look at the child we might all find that not nearly as many have this as diagnosed with it, that many may have a learning disability. I know our son is ADHD/ODD with a reading and writing disorder. He can orally answer your questions but from brain to hand it gets lost. He now reads great with the help of moving to a school in our district but not the one the kids in our edition went to (a child can attend any school in school district as long as a spot is available) that had a teacher, principal, and couselor that were willing to work with us as a team and help him. He went from not reading at all or even recognizing letters (he was in 3rd grade) to ending the school year reading and by the end of 5 th grade reading on grade level. By 7th grade he was advanced a year (he had actually been held back in kindergarten so this just moved him to his age group) because he was ready and could do the work. The point is, parents do have the responsibility to make sure their child is getting the right help. If you don't agree with your doctor, chances are you are right because you know your child the doctor sees your child maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Don't settle for anything but what will work for you and your child. Anyway, glad it has all worked out for you and your son.
"Do you know, I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too? I never saw one alive before!" "Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn, "if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you." Lewis Carroll; Through the Looking Glass
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