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beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent" 01-10-06, 02:36 PM (EST) "Iyanla, off base as usual" Where does Iyanla come off thinking the new Lisa is somehow living off her 'husbands money' when she asked her how she survived (since the new Lisa said she only 'worked' occassionally)?? Last time I checked marriage was a partnership and what's his is mine/mine is his thing. Since when does a working husband get to claim his income as his and his alone and a stay at home mom/wife (who WORKS in the house) has to what, feel indebted for whatever crumb the husband decides to toss her way?? Iyanla needs to take her head out of her A$$ and GET REAL. No way is the new Lisa 'living off' her HUSBANDS money - it belongs to BOTH OF THEM - or at least it should. Shame on Iyanla for discounting a women's work in the home and shame further that she would think this woman, married to a cheat, should take ANY blame for his inexcusable actions. I don't care WHAT the circumstances were - if they were THAT bad he should have been honorable enough to get a divorce BEFORE he started catting around.   Top

Subject     Author     Message Date     ID    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual Twinkles 01-10-06 1    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual beckettrep 01-27-06 7  RE: Iyanla, off base as usual SheeDreems 01-10-06 2  RE: Iyanla, off base as usual lovemydogdude 01-10-06 3    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual moonwick1 01-10-06 4        RE: Iyanla, off base as usual chrishazzoo 01-28-06 10            RE: Iyanla, off base as usual mantramaven 01-30-06 15                RE: Iyanla, off base as usual beckettrep 02-07-06 23    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual beckettrep 01-27-06 8  RE: Iyanla, off base as usual Pixeltalk 01-12-06 5    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual beckettrep 01-27-06 9  RE: Iyanla, off base as usual OklaBlue 01-12-06 6    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual Zoey 01-28-06 11        RE: Iyanla, off base as usual Dayum Yankee 01-28-06 12            RE: Iyanla, off base as usual OklaBlue 01-28-06 13            RE: Iyanla, off base as usual Zoey 01-28-06 14  RE: Iyanla, off base as usual Pixeltalk 01-31-06 16    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual ChicagoViewer 02-09-06 25  RE: Iyanla, off base as usual mrehoutx 01-31-06 17    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual Zoey 02-01-06 18        RE: Iyanla, off base as usual mrehoutx 02-01-06 19            RE: Iyanla, off base as usual Zoey 02-01-06 20    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual beckettrep 02-04-06 21  RE: Iyanla, off base as usual claire 02-04-06 22    RE: Iyanla, off base as usual Zoey 02-08-06 24        RE: Iyanla, off base as usual beckettrep 02-10-06 26

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Twinkles 324 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host" 01-10-06, 03:34 PM (EST) 1. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" I get the idea the LCs have the clients background before we hear the short story on tv. It's not like nuLisa said "we consider the money shared" or something like that. nuLisa herself said it was "his money" and that she wasn't working very hard. Her children are grown. She made it sound like she isn't busying herself with anything, not for herself, a job, her household, children, husband, or community. Just that she goes out, works minimally, then collapses or crawls into the purposely kept dull room. I believe Iyanla's point was to show nuLisa that her patterns all fit that she is doing things to show her husband or the world how much her husband made her hurt.   Top

beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent" 01-27-06, 10:27 AM (EST) 7. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" >I get the idea the LCs >have the clients background before >we hear the short story >on tv. > >It's not like nuLisa said "we >consider the money shared" or >something like that. nuLisa herself >said it was "his money" >and that she wasn't working >very hard. Her children are >grown. She made it sound >like she isn't busying herself >with anything, not for herself, >a job, her household, children, >husband, or community. Just that >she goes out, works minimally, >then collapses or crawls into >the purposely kept dull room. >I believe Iyanla's point was >to show nuLisa that her >patterns all fit that she >is doing things to show >her husband or the world >how much her husband made >her hurt. It is very unfortunate for women in general to live their life thinking that if their husband works outside the home and they (women) don't then the money is 'his' money. That was, unfortunately, the sign of the times - the thinking was so scewed (sp) against women back then. Given Lisa's age it doesn't surprise me that she would be of the mindset that the money is 'his' as opposed to thinking that it's 'their' money. As for the children being grown and out of the house - well I don't think that automatically puts Lisa in the 'gotta get a job now' mindset nor should it. I don't condone Lisa for running up big credit card debt but I certainly wouldn't berate her or think her a parasite if she should choose to continue to stay at home. It would probably benefit her a lot if she DID find some kind of outside the home job but it should be her choice not a requirement. I think Iyanla even insinuating that Lisa is some kind of parasite, living 'off her husband's income' is terribly wrong and really sets women back.   Top

SheeDreems 19 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Got Milk? Spokesperson" 01-10-06, 04:36 PM (EST) 2. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" I haven't checked this week yet, but it's only Tuesday, but as of last Friday, they were still running reruns here so I haven't been watching the show. Just checking each week to see if they are still on reruns. Has the new shows started and if so, when and in what area??????   Top

lovemydogdude 1253 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson" 01-10-06, 05:51 PM (EST) 3. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" Oh Lord I so agree! I can't believe IY portrayed such ignorance. Marriage..joined as one..that means one pocketbook. She raised kids, took care of the house, etc... I'm sure now that the kids are gone she's feeling like she's "not doing much" but that doesn't mean she's living off HIS money. Sad!!! I'm assuming they're saying these things because they know Lisa2 is unfufilled, and they know her whole story..but what about the stigma they placed on all of us who aren't working outside of the home!!!???   Top

moonwick1 74 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square" 01-10-06, 06:07 PM (EST) 4. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" Don't get me wrong, I think IV's little "fainting drama" was really off base and a bit much to get her point of "mock shock" across..(but shes just a dramatic personality)..But I agree with her 100%..It's not as if NuLisa and dh are a happy, cozy couple who have raised their family and are set to retire into companion rocking chairs..Sharing the rest of their lives (money too)as they always have. NuLisa in a sense is prostituting herself by holding onto anger and resentment, sleeping in a bland and seperate room, blaming him for her misery, playing a victim role and LETTING him foot the bill.. If she truely feels soooo put off by the relationship it seems to me she would have made an effort a long time ago to seperate herself from him by obtaining her own income and being more supportive to herself. I belive IV may have also been thinking that it wasn't all that honorable for her to basicly mooch off of a man she pretty much blames for all of her failures. It's like I hate your guts but have no problem letting you buy me dinner..If I really feel that way I can buy my own meal and you won't be coming along for the ride.. Shes dramatic, but I do see her view..I can also see why NuLisa feels as she does, it was once a pitch to punish HIM and it's become a pattern that punishes HER. Moonwick1   Top

chrishazzoo 3 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson" 01-28-06, 04:39 AM (EST) 10. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" >NuLisa in a sense is prostituting >herself by holding onto anger >and resentment, sleeping in a >bland and seperate room, blaming >him for her misery, playing >a victim role and LETTING >him foot the bill.. If >she truely feels soooo put >off by the relationship it >seems to me she would >have made an effort a >long time ago to seperate >herself from him by obtaining >her own income and being >more supportive to herself. >Moonwick1 You are right on Moonwick1...I totally got this while she was doing it. nuLisa IS in a loveless relationship and if she wants to better her life she has to get onto her own 2 feet and support herself so she can leave him. Otherwise, she will leave him and leech onto another man who pays her way. whom she doesn't truely love. The point wasn't her money his money, but really about why she STAYS in such a bad relationship. Basically, nuLisa is using her husband (this does not make him a saint), thereby staying for "financial" reasons and not for love/companionship. How sad. Chrishazzoo (Christine)   Top

mantramaven 12 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Got Milk? Spokesperson" 01-30-06, 11:27 PM (EST) 15. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" I have just been watching the show for a few weeks but Lisa does seem to really be in a victim, blaming role and not knowing her own power as a woman to make choices. If her kids are grown, and she is not doing much around the house what is she contributing? Granted, if her husband is cheating, which I saw from posts, perhaps she is angry at him and has no problem with that... but the real issue with her is that she needs to find her voice, her power, and take some action in her life and working or volunteer work can only help her be more of who she is. I see a breakthrough coming soon with her because she's getting angry! It's good! Lara   Top

beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent" 02-07-06, 09:41 PM (EST) 23. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" >I have just been watching the >show for a few weeks >but Lisa does seem to >really be in a victim, >blaming role and not knowing >her own power as a >woman to make choices. If >her kids are grown, and >she is not doing much >around the house what is >she contributing? Granted, if her >husband is cheating, which I >saw from posts, perhaps she >is angry at him and >has no problem with that... >but the real issue with >her is that she needs >to find her voice, her >power, and take some action >in her life and working >or volunteer work can only >help her be more of >who she is. I see >a breakthrough coming soon with >her because she's getting angry! >It's good! > >Lara We'll have to agree to disagree because I don't think that once the kids are grown and gone that a woman, who has spent her lifetime being a mother and housekeeper, should have to suddenly thrust herself into the workplace to validate her worth. A real man takes pride in supporting his wife, children and household (at least in my opinion they do) and does not expect his wife to run out to find a job once the kids are gone. He's the one who cheated and if he finds his lifestyle with Lisa untolerable then he should be the one to leave.   Top

beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent" 01-27-06, 10:28 AM (EST) 8. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" >Oh Lord I so agree! >I can't believe IY portrayed >such ignorance. Marriage..joined as >one..that means one pocketbook. >She raised kids, took care >of the house, etc... >I'm sure now that the >kids are gone she's feeling >like she's "not doing much" >but that doesn't mean she's >living off HIS money. >Sad!!! I'm assuming they're >saying these things because they >know Lisa2 is unfufilled, and >they know her whole story..but >what about the stigma they >placed on all of us >who aren't working outside of >the home!!!??? > > Couldn't agree more!!   Top

Pixeltalk 644 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator" 01-12-06, 06:30 PM (EST) 5. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" I brought this up on another forum (Individual Houseguest). I thought this could be interpreted as disrespecting stay-at-home mothers/wives. However, a stay-at-homer said she didn't interpret it that way. Legally, the money is half hers and half his. (That is community property, which is the law in many states and I think has been adopted in most). The philosophy is that if you are in a marriage, even if you don't earn money yourself, you are contributing to the other person earning money by your support and work at home. Certainly, her cooking, housework, child care, driving kids, etc. were saving him a lot of money (if you want to be mercenary about it). I do think Iyanla might have been saying that it was wrong to take his money when she was so unhappy with him or angry at him. Hypocrital.   Top

beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent" 01-27-06, 10:29 AM (EST) 9. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" >I brought this up on another >forum (Individual Houseguest). I thought >this could be interpreted as >disrespecting stay-at-home mothers/wives. However, a >stay-at-homer said she didn't interpret >it that way. > >Legally, the money is half hers >and half his. (That >is community property, which is >the law in many states >and I think has been >adopted in most). The >philosophy is that if you >are in a marriage, even >if you don't earn money >yourself, you are contributing to >the other person earning money >by your support and work >at home. Certainly, her cooking, >housework, child care, driving kids, >etc. were saving him a >lot of money (if you >want to be mercenary about >it). > >I do think Iyanla might have >been saying that it was >wrong to take his money >when she was so unhappy >with him or angry at >him. Hypocrital. The key phrase is 'his money' - it's not JUST his money - legally it's THEIR money - as it should be regardless of their living situation. He could have left her just as well as she could have left him - neither did either so I don't know Iyanla comes off with her out-dated thinking.   Top

OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest" 01-12-06, 06:48 PM (EST) 6. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" What else is new?   Top

Zoey 326 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host" 01-28-06, 03:31 PM (EST) 11. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" The way I interpreted all of this is that NuLisa was mad at her husband who cheated long, long ago but decided to stay, inspite of her unhappiness, because of other things he could provide. Although I can't say for sure, she *may* have been a good mother and housekeeper but what kind of wife has she been? She paints herself as a victim but what about the husband? He was living with a resentful, untrusting wife who seemed to look at him as a wallet rather than a soulmate. I think if you're in a relationship and one cheats you either leave or work on forgiving. And if you can't forgive than you need to move on for both of your happiness. Did she stay out of convienience? Was she settleing? Did she stay to punish him? None of those things are honorable, so I tend to agree with Iyanla.   Top

Dayum Yankee 272 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star" 01-28-06, 06:17 PM (EST) 12. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" "My question is if she was such a resentful, untrusting wife who seemed to look at him as a wallet rather than a soulmate" (Zoey's words) why has HE stayed???????? They both must be getting something out of this marriage. And, it IS both of their money if she's staying home, paying bills, taking care of the house, doing all the cooking/cleaning whatever. Lyanla needs to come to the 20th century. Does she want to go back to the 50s?? I don't think she would like that very much.   Top

OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest" 01-28-06, 06:57 PM (EST) 13. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" Remember where Iyanla (whose real name is Rhonda also) is coming from. This is from an article including her background: "According to Yesterday, I Cried, Rhonda gave birth at age 14 to a baby girl, whom she gave up for adoption. (Tragically, the baby died within months.) She became a mother again at 16 with the birth of her son, Damon, and by 21, she had two more chil- dren, Gemmia and Nisa. She also accrued an ex-husband. With little means of support, financial or otherwise, Rhonda's fami- ly lived on public assistance. She attempted suicide. Then, she married an abusive boyfriend. It took a near-death encounter with her second husband to give Rhonda the strength to lock him out of her house, and life, for good." Then she went on to what she is today. But how can one leave that history behind totally? Lisa 2 was okay with her marriage until now. I wonder what made her seek out the SO route? Just seeing it on TV?   Top

Zoey 326 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host" 01-28-06, 07:12 PM (EST) 14. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" Maybe he stayed out of guilt from cheating on her. I'm not saying he's a saint but SHE is in the SO house to get help, not him.   Top

Pixeltalk 644 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator" 01-31-06, 05:07 PM (EST) 16. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" You can't win with Iyanla. She's telling Jill to "get a man" and telling Lisa2 she should "get rid of (her) man." LOL   Top

ChicagoViewer 71 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square" 02-09-06, 11:41 AM (EST) 25. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" She never told Lisa to get rid of her man. She told her to get real about herself.   Top

mrehoutx 5 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson" 01-31-06, 08:41 PM (EST) 17. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" Iyala is NEVER off base. I may be a desperate attention whore, therefore my interest in this site, but I am a man who has the opportunity to see the episodes as they are broadcast in my city. If I take excellent care of my boyfriend, yes I said BOYFRIEND, and he goes outside the home to work, am I a bum? If you said yes, you would be wrong! I have a job that I do fulltime in my home for a reputable nationwide company, keep house, take care of two dogs who require just as much attention as children (they are mine), watch Starting Over EVERY day, and still have dinner on the table by 5 p.m. How many women can say they do ALL that? My guess is not many, and I may be wrong. I am NOT, repeat NOT a woman hater. Some of my very best friends are women and they agree with me; if a woman lives off her husband's money and does not do much else, then she is a parasite. Working is not a man's job in a marriage no more than a woman who does work outside the home is a bad mother. The economy, progress, and society dictate these things, not Iyala. I think some of the postings here reflect just how much what she says hits home with many readers. Again, I may be wrong, but if so, why do so many women in my personal life, and here, agree with me? Kick that closet door down girls and get with the program!!! I'll defend Iyala all the way!!!   Top

Zoey 326 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host" 02-01-06, 05:53 AM (EST) 18. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" mrehoutx, I repectfully both agree and disagree with you on a couple of things. Please don't take this as an attack, I'm just telling it the way I see it. First, if you read my post above, I am defending Iyanla. I agree that a stay at home partner can put in just as much work as a partner who works outside of the house. This is regardless of having a fulltime work-at-home job. Between cooking, cleaning, paying bills and keeping a house in order, (and everything else) I'd say that is definitely worthy of "earning keep" and having things be equal. My disagreement is when you profess that your two dogs require the same care as children do. This is just insulting to parents. And by the way, I own many animals and am not a parent but you really can't compare the inconvienience of walking, feeding, grooming a dog to the weight that comes with molding and shaping a human being into someone who is a productive member of society. Next, watching Starting Over everyday (while I feel it is more enlightening) is equivelent to watching any other show. It's not work. Lastly, many, many women do all of this AND raise children and animals. I think it's unfair for you to say that most women don't do as much. Many do as much as you are saying AND work ourside of the home. Like I said, I am defending Iyanla here, as well. But let's be realistic. Two dogs do not equal raising children.   Top

mrehoutx 5 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson" 02-01-06, 03:07 PM (EST) 19. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" To Zoey, Thank you for your comment. I apologize if I was offensive or not clear about my daily routine. I did not mean to imply that raising my "kids" was the same as raising children, which I have done plenty of in my life. I just meant to include that as part of a busy day. Again, thanks for your comment, and we are sure to encounter each other again, which I find stimulating. Obviously, I have a little time to burn as I have time to scan this site (Ha!Ha!). Just wanted to reply as you kindly took the time to read my post. Have a wonderful day!!!!   Top

Zoey 326 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host" 02-01-06, 04:49 PM (EST) 20. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" No need for appologies. I personally wasn't offended and take care of my pets like they are my children/my life but to compare them to children *may* be offensive to others on the bb who do have children. I'm sure you keep a busy day and even if you didn't work at home, it sounds like you contribute your part - nothing wrong with that, right?   Top

beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent" 02-04-06, 07:45 PM (EST) 21. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" > ; if a woman lives >off her husband's money and >does not do much else, >then she is a parasite. The point is it is not just her HUSBAND'S money - in a marriage everything is community property thus it is THEIR money - and whether she works outside the home and brings in a 2nd paycheck to contribute or not doesn't matter - it is THEIR money and Iyanla needs to learn to deal with it. If I were to think along Iyanla's lines I would say a man who cheats on his wife and then expects to come home to a clean house and a hot dinner is a parasite too.   Top

claire 30 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 02-04-06, 09:54 PM (EST) 22. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" I sooo agree, my husband and I have been married for 22yrs. For first 11 yrs of marriage I worked in customer service. When I started having health problems due to stress he said " Just quit, I hate having to help with the housework, make my own lunch, do my own laundry, ect." So I did quit and we have both been so much happier. This is a community propery state and I own a nickle out of every dime he makes and he knew that when he told me to quit. I AM NOT LIVING OFF OF HIM! We no longer neeed a housekeeper, he doesnt have to make his own lunch, we dont go out to dinner nearly as much as we did before aned we are BOTH much happier! Iyanla was way off base.   Top

Zoey 326 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host" 02-08-06, 01:35 PM (EST) 24. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" I think Iyanla was specifically talking to and about Lisa2. She doesn't seem to be living an honorable life with her husband. She seems to be with him because of what he can give her, not because of what they can do for eachother. I don't feel that Iyanla was off base, nor do I think she was talking about all housewives. I find it hard to believe that some of you aren't seeing the difference. Lisa2 doesn't seem to be an honerable wife (house-wife or otherwise).   Top

beckettrep 814 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent" 02-10-06, 11:58 AM (EST) 26. "RE: Iyanla, off base as usual" LAST EDITED ON 02-10-06 AT 09:25 PM (EST) > She seems to be >with him because of what >he can give her, not >because of what they can >do for eachother. I am curious to know what you think are the reasons why Lisa's husband is sticking around? And just what is it that's he's 'giving' her that isn't (by law) already hers. If she were to leave I think he would find out that at least 1/2 of whatever 'he' has will go to Lisa simply because it's community property. So I fail to see that he's really giving her anything that she doesn't already own. Since he's the one that had the affair I have to ask myself why HE is still there - if he was so (boo-hoo) unhappy why didn't he leave, get a divorce and THEN get on with his life - oh wait - I guess that makes him a very dishonorable person himself.....so maybe that's why they are still together (even if in name only) birds of a feather maybe????   Top

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