Note to readers/fans/stalkers: This is my weekly Diva rant, similar to the popular and critically praised 'Gay Survivor Journal.' It is an exclusive to the RealityTVWorld American Idol board.Please note that my opinions are based solely on image, style and originality, not on voice. Some of the biggest selling recording artists of all time couldn't sing for crap. A short list of Stars with marginal vocal talent would include: Cher, Bette Midler, Britney Spears, Enrique Iglesias, Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Ricky Martin, Kylie Minogue... the list goes on and on. What they had was Star Quality... so what I am looking for is a DIVA (male or female) with that X-factor.
This Week's Diva Rankings
1. Kimberley Caldwell
Diva of the Week. Girl looked FIERCE in her belly-baring ensemble. Cynics might say it looked like country curtains torn off the kitchen window of her double-wide. So be it. Do you know anyone who can wear a valance as well as Kimberly? I think not. (Also, after weeks of experimentation, the amount of curl in her hair seemed just right!) You go girl!
On a side note, her choice of non-waterproof mascara was deliciously calculated. Any Diva knows that the sure way to win your fans hearts is to show them your soft, vulnerable side. (And if you don't have one, then manufacture one!)
2. Carmen Rasmusen
Leave it to the perky Mormon girl to find the perfect country-chic outfit. The perky white cotton blouse, the low-slung carefully-distressed jeans, the wide white leather belt. The perfectly-flipped perky Meg Ryan hair... the whole thing was just... perky as #####. Even her toned-down makeup was perky. And I agree with Ryan... She looked more like Olivia than... Olivia's daughter (who, by the way, looked like a whore.)
3. Clay Aiken
The look was nothing out of the ordinary for Clay, pressed long-sleeved shirt, black slacks, Ryan Seacrest Original Hairstyle. What puts Clay at the top of the list is his smooth, 'I'm beyond reproach' attitude... as he stands waiting for his criticism. He smiles as if to say: 'Love me, hate me, I don't care, because I am CLAY!' The cameraperson knows Clay is a Diva as well... how else would you explain the ubiquitous Busby Berkeley whirling camera treatment?
4. Julia DeMato
Girl moved from the bottom of the list up to number 4 this week, and well deserved. She looked... dare I say it... sexy in her funky distressed-jean ensemble and clingy bust-enhancing, belly baring red top. But, more importantly, she showed true Diva grace as she accepted her boot with head held high.
On the other hand, this untrained, uncoordinated, unpolished, unpoised poser should never have made the top 12 to begin with. Good riddance!
5. Trenyce
Girlfriend slips a few places this week, and not for her look (which was Diva-flawless.) Her studded, low cut army-green cotton dress seemed to say 'naughty,' 'flashy,' and 'patriotic' all at the same time!
What brings Treynce down a few notches this week is her apologetic self-criticism. Sure, her lyric-challenged performance was raspy, pitchy and dull. But any Diva knows, if all you have to offer is crap, you shovel up the crap like it is caviar! NEVER let the audience know that you realize that you suck! (They may begin to figure it out for themselves.)
6. Ruben Studdard
Is it just me, or are the damn jerseys really getting old. For the love of god, Ruben, try something else. A caftan, or a poncho or something. A Moo-moo. Maybe a nice pup-tent. I don't know. Be creative.
On the other hand, for a black man to sing a white-supremacist hymn with a smile and a straight face takes balls, so I'll give him points for that.
7. Ricky Smith
There aren't a lot of people who can wear yellow plaid, and unfortunately Ricky isn't one of them. Someone, at some point, told Ricky that oversized, yellow, wrinkled, untucked shirts looked good on him. This person should be hunted down and killed.
8. Joshua Gracin
Just a couple weeks ago, Simon told Josh to lose a few pounds, and he appears to been confused by the advice, and gained a few instead. As he ungracefully mounted the stairs, we were treated to a view of his wide flat ass, accented by his unflattering baggy blasted jeans.
On the upside, his black shirt and hat were theme appropriate. (The slimming black top, though, further accentuated his pear-shape. May I recommend black jeans and a lighter top for the reverse effect?)
9. Kimberly Locke
Could she have looked worse? Baggy gray ass-accentuating jeans (did she borrow them from Josh?) and a crushed velvety looking arm-flab revealing mauve blouse. I can describe her look in three words. Hid-e-ous.
10. Corey Clark
Wow. This was by far the gayest outfit I've ever seen on American Idol. (I can say that because I'm gay.) The moptop hair pulled back in a black bandana. The black track-suit pants. And, worst of all, the black mesh nipple-baring blouse. Like staring too long into the sun, this image is now permanently burned into my corneas. For this I hate you, Corey Clark, with every fiber of my being.
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A Bebodacious American
