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faithnj 39 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 12-23-05, 04:21 PM (EST) "Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!!!!" Okay guys....hear me out. My mother is a narcisist. She's flip about serious things. She never considers or remembers anything about my life, and I'm an only child who's been in two car accidents and lives in pain-- but you'd think my mother didn't even know that. She says she feels 19, she acts 19, and she's proud of it. (Too bad she doesn't look it, LOL!) She has Lisa's mannerisms and attitudes. She's the type where if you were destitute and had scurvy, she'd pass up buying you a cheap box of oranges for your health, and show up at your house with a $40 cake. Now, she's not completely like Lisa, in that she has a lot of education and she holds a job and pays her own rent. But in all the other ways, she's like Lisa. My grandparents raised me because my self-involved mother was too busy getting her bachelors, masters, PhD and Law Degree, and partying or trying to impress and hang out with rich people. She would never call me on my birthdays or Christmas, or send gifts...over time I started calling my grand parents Mommy and Daddy. I really grew to dislike my mother. We've tried to create a relationship as adults, but I just don't like her, so I kicked her out of my life several times. When I got pregnant last year, I kicked her out for good. But when the baby was born, a nurse convinced me on Christmas Eve to be decent and call my mother and let her know I had a baby. I did. She came to the hospital on Xmas day to see the baby. My husband took her down into intensive care, and you know what the first thing she said was? "She has a big mouth." My husband looked at her with disgust. The nurse in the room said "You're the grandmother???" If I had been there to hear her, (I was upstairs, also in intensive care) I would have picked up a broom stick and beat her out the hospital with it. All the same, I decided to give her a chance to be a grandmother to the baby, even if she hadn't been a good mom. I figured the baby deserved to have a grandmother. I gave her a year. She has barely shown any real interest in the baby. She could care less about what the baby needs. She seemed put out over having to come to the baby's Dec. 20th birthday party, because it was inconvenient. Eventually, I told her don't come by at all. I was through with her because she did'nt care. The next day she realized how embarrasing it was going to be to have to tell her friends she couldn't come to the baby's birthday party or see the baby for Xmas, so she got on the phone begging to keep a relationship with me. (With me? I'm though with her. I wanted to see interest in the baby!) I'm still thinking of keeping her out of the baby's life until the baby is 5 or something, and can decide if she want's to see Grandma or not. Nobody I know supports me in this, because they can't imagine her being so bad. But you guys know how Lisa is, so, you know what I mean when I say doesn't give a damn about anybody else, she's annoying, phony, will say anything and doesn't care if her words hurt others. What do you guys think? Faithnj   Top

Subject     Author     Message Date     ID    RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!... Sweeti 12-23-05 1    RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!... faithnj 12-23-05 2        RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!... OklaBlue 12-23-05 3            RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!... faithnj 12-23-05 4  RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!... SOAddikt 12-23-05 5    RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!... Seabisquit 12-23-05 6

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Sweeti 138 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson" 12-23-05, 04:43 PM (EST) 1. "RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!!!!" sign her up for a stint on the SOH.   Top

faithnj 39 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 12-23-05, 04:53 PM (EST) 2. "RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!!!!" Cute. I really should- but all that would happen is that my mother would get off on the attention. Anyway, what I need to know is this: Am I wrong for keeping her out of my daughter's life??? And out of my life? She just doesn't change, as much as I've asked her too. Would you keep somebody like Lisa in your life? Faithnj   Top

OklaBlue 1244 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest" 12-23-05, 05:19 PM (EST) 3. "RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!!!!" Maybe, at a distance, if she were the grandmother. You at least recognize that she is not going to change. Interesting because your grandparents have helped you, but they also raised her. Maybe there is a DNA factor at work that she has but you don't. Best of luck, she is your mother. Remember once they are gone from this life, you can't get them back, ever. Take the high road, get some help if you need it. Focus on your relationship with your baby. You can't change others, only yourself. Be the mom to your baby you wish you had had for yourself. Take some classes, but try to stay on the mainstream stuff, not the "spiritual psych" put forth on SO. Don't feel guilty for HER actions and HER choices. Maybe she will change on her own as she gets older. A lot of people change once they get beyond a certain age and start to realize the shortness and value of life. You seem to be doing okay.   Top

faithnj 39 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge" 12-23-05, 06:28 PM (EST) 4. "RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!!!!" OklaBlue-- very interesting that you'd say you'd keep Lisa at a distance if she were the grandmother. However, I am doing okay. And I go to therapy every two weeks to help with dealing with pain and the aftermath of the car accidents. Naturally, we talk about my mom, and it's my therapist that first said she's a narcissist. (Actually, he said both my parents are narcissists.) I don't feel guilty about her actions or her choices. But I do feel pained by them. It's tough to be the only child, and have parents who don't give a damn about you, didn't spoil you, etc. It's like being told over and over again that you don't count. It's a life of a thousand paper cuts. And she'll change when she get's older? She's already 60, and like Lisa, she doesn't show any signs of wanting to change. I feel like Iyanla said it best-- living a life of excellence involves getting rid of what you don't want, and creating what you do want. I'm clear that I don't want my mother in my life. But the baby muddles the situation. I feel the baby deserves to have a grandmother. But if she's not going to treat the baby any better than she treated me, I don't want my daughter getting the message that she's unattractive and unwanted or not valuable from her very own grandmother. Faithnj   Top

SOAddikt 96 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square" 12-23-05, 07:31 PM (EST) 5. "RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!!!!" Not having a grandmother like that would no great loss. On the other hand, it might be nice to see her occasionally. If I were you, I'd stop calling her except to give her important news and to invite her to milestones like birthdays etc. I woul;d not go out of my way to foster a close relationship with her. She will never change and you and your baby will be left with a lifetime of broken promises and disappointments. If you have NO EXPECTATIONS of her, you'll never be disappointed.   Top

Seabisquit 408 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star" 12-23-05, 08:22 PM (EST) 6. "RE: Help! My Mother is Like LISA!!!!!" Are your husband's parent's alive. If so, then your child has grandparents. We don't get to pick our relatives. I have relatives that I wouldn't want as friends. I say if she gives you more grief than joy, kick her to the curb. Chances are it's not going to matter that much to her as she sounds very selfish. Live your own life, make your own rules, follow your gut instincts and you will be fine. Sounds to me your are a terrific mother. I wish you well.   Top

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