LAST EDITED ON 12-18-04 AT 11:33 AM (EST)

I would like to say that I have a newfound respect for everyone that has written a summary for TAR! I have written many summaries for different shows and I must admit this is the most difficult because the editing is so fast paced and back and forth between teams. I stayed dizzy the entire time!

I want to start my summary by saying that I was excited and felt honored to be able to put my own words to what started out as one of the most touching and surreal episodes. From one of the largest slave trade houses, a moving tribute and then to the Berlin Wall made the first half of the show one of the greatest moments in TAR history. Then things go downhill until we hit rock bottom at the end. The once promising show spiraled downhill with help from Rebecca, Kendra and the one and only Jonathon. I think it is absolutely hilarious that Jonathon makes Colon (from last season) look like a saint!

The show starts with 8 teams remaining because of last week’s non-elimination leg. As a recap, we have Kris/Jon, Jonathon/Victoria, Lori/Bolo, Hayden/Aaron, Freddy/Kendra, Mary Adam/Rebecca, Gus/Hera and Don/Mary Jean. I bet you didn’t know there were 2 Marys in the game, did you? I am going to call Adam Mary Adam until he comes out of the closet! Come on, the man is as queer as a football bat!

The pit stop for the previous leg of the race was Senegal, which is on the northwest coast of Africa and was home to the center of the European slave trade. The teams leave the pit stop and head for The Slave House. One of the largest holding places for captured men, women and children until being shipped to the New World. As the teams depart, I notice that Jonathon is appropriately dressed…a wife beater! I kid you not; he is wearing a yellow wife beater with the Nike swoop.

Lori and Bolo leaves at 2:18am and Lori is wearing the little light thingy around her head. She tells Bolo that he should wear his. His response? “I don’t know where it is so you gotta be a smarta$$!” Um Bolo, she just asked a question and you go off and call her names. I would think you might have just had a little case of roid rage!

Mary Adam and Rebecca talk strategy as they head to The Slave House and Mary Adam says that they aren’t owning the game like he wants. Rebecca says they should stop following as much and they need to go out on their own. Then she comes out with one of those statements that just leave you scratching your head. She says, “I’d love to get out of Africa, I can see why so many people escaped.” WTF? Here is another arrogant American blabbing off about something they know nothing about! My history books tell me that people were forced into being sold as slaves. This is the first occasion where I was very disappointed but I am glad there were no locals to hear this idiot!

After everyone has left the pit stop, we find out that Kris and Jon were more than 90 minutes ahead of Jonathon and Victoria. Don and Mary Jean were 3 hours and 30 minutes out of first place. This is why I hate editing on this show! CBS editing is great in making us think it is really close when in reality it isn’t.

When the teams arrive at The Slave House they are given a scroll with a history of the place. At 8:30am (bunching again) each team will be given a rose to lie on the threshold of the door of no return. The door of no return is the way the slaves would exit the house onto the ship that would take them to their living hell. I am not going to joke at such a serious moment so until the teams leave for their stop I will just describe what happens.

The Slave House doors are opened and we get the first look of the inside. However, the only part we are shown is the door of no return. The door looks to be about 6 ½ feet tall and 3 feet wide. It overlooks the ocean and gives me chills by knowing that so many humans were forced through that door and sold into slavery.

One by one the teams enter to lay their rose in the doorway. Kris and Jon are first and Kris suggests they say a prayer. This entire scene is very touching and surreal. Everyone seems to take time and just be at peace. Gus and Hera have a very tough go of it! While out front of the house Hera asked if the people knew what was going to happen to them? Gus replied, “Why would they?” This is something I never thought of but really touches me. Gus breaks down and becomes emotional and later he told Hera that he didn’t even cry at his mother and father’s funeral. Gus says, “I hope the others can realize the magnitude of the human experience that is incorporated in this race we run.” Well-said Gus!

The next route marker says make your way to the symbol of triumph over oppression…the remains of the Berlin Wall. The Berlin freakin Wall! This is when I was getting all excited about writing the summary but things are about to go downhill.

The teams need to catch the ferry to get to the airport to head out to Germany. However, Don and Mary Jean need money. Looking around the area, Don and Mary Jean can’t bring themselves to ask the locals for money. Mary Jean says that she can’t ask someone for money when they have far less than her. So Don and Mary Jean ask the other racers to spare money for them. Jonathon gives them $20! This is Jonathon’s good deed for this century so he will go back to being an arse. Every team gives them money and Don says that they now have more than some of the racers. Don and Mary Jean have more class than anyone that has ever been on TAR! They have earned my respect.

While waiting for the ferry Kendra becomes another one of those arrogant racers that I can’t stand. She says that she wished they were in France so she could have a croissant! Kendra, the Africans don’t want you in their country any more than you want to be in it! Also, if you will bend over I have something that needs to be placed strategically up your arse! Why does CBS recruit idiots for these shows? WHY?

On the ferry Hayden and Aaron and Freddie and Kendra have made a deal for the first team to make it to the ticket counter at the airport will buy 4 tickets. So we know where this is going. * puts on boxing gloves *

A group of teams decide to go to a local travel agency while others decide to head to the airport. Freddie and Kendra are in a cab stuck in traffic when Kendra’s true colors come shining through. Kendra says, “This city is wretched and disgusting and they just keep breeding and breeding and this poverty, I can’t take.” This pitiful spoiled wench has the audacity to say this while the cab driver is driving them to the airport and hears her say this. If I had been the driver, Kendra would have been left standing in the middle of the street dodging cars. Too bad Kendra’s inbreeding has led to another spoiled American to show no respect for a country that is rich in history! Another reason to ask CBS why they want idiots that have no respect for the world they live in much less the people that live there. I.HATE.IDIOTS. Kendra should be sent home immediately and forced to sit through an African history class.

Jonathon, Victoria, Gus, Hera, Kris, Jon, Rebecca and Mary Adam are the teams that go to the travel agency and get tickets. They all get on the same flight to Berlin and head to the airport.

Hayden and Aaron are first at the ticket counter with Lori and Bolo behind them with Don and Mary Jean in the background. Hayden asks if they can reserve 4 tickets and Bolo says they should not be allowed to do that. With her boobs ready to drop out of her low-cut blouse, Hayden gets defensive, “You don’t need to make a scene right here!” The bickering begins about cutting line as we see Freddy and Kendra arrive. As Kendra tries to push her way to the front of the line to give Hayden their passport, Bolo tells Hayden that she needs to keep her mouth shut. As the bickering continues the lady behind the counter has a look on her face like these stupid Americans need to get out of my face. In an attempt to protect Hayden, toothpick Aaron tells Bolo to shut his mouth! This should be good! I can picture this fight; just get the mental image of Mike Tyson fighting Pee Wee Herman. One swipe and Aaron is history! The argument reaches a fevered pitch when Hayden says, “Just because you’re 5’5” and on steroids” Bolo interrupts, “I AM NOT ON STERIODS!” We need to get a list of customers from Balco to verify Bolo isn’t on their mailing list!

After the commercial we find that things have calmed down a bit. Aaron asks why they can’t all just get along (we’ve heard this one before)? Bolo apologizes and tells Aaron adamantly that he isn’t on steroids! We get it Bolo…shut your trap, we believe you. NOT! Freddie and Kendra are going to have to get their own tickets because Aaron doesn’t like all the commotion. Whew! Everyone gets their ticket and leaves for the airport.

Thank goodness that is over as all teams are on the same flight from Dakar to Berlin. Once in Germany the teams will have to find the East Side Gallery of the Berlin Wall. This is a ½ mile stretch of the wall with a route marker box along this stretch. The box should be easily found because it is in the center of the sidewalk.

The teams haven’t been in Germany 30 seconds until the arrogant wench formerly known as Kendra strikes again with, “It’s a big difference from ghetto third world.” Could someone please shoot me and put me out of my misery? This woman need not take up space in my world. What a waste.

I really hate to have to summarize based solely on quotes but I have hit the jackpot with my episode. Jonathon comes out with, “You gotta have an appreciation for the people that make Mercedes!” Might have known “mister it’s all about what you drive” to come out with that one.

All teams are hustling to get to the train that will take them close to the East Side Gallery. Running through the train station Mary Adam and Rebecca realize that they are following Jonathon and Victoria. While on an escalator, Jonathon demands for the other team to stop following them! Victoria tries to stop the annoying one but to no avail. Jonathon goes Dahmer on them and tells them again that they HAVE to stop following him. Guys, I would listen to him because unstable Mable could have you for dinner tonight!

Freddie, Kendra, Jonathon, Victoria, Mary Adam and Rebecca make the first train. When they get on the train Jonathon decides to go to the back of the train so no one can follow him. Mary Adam is standing and Jonathon demands for him to get out of his way! As Jonathon walks by, he physically almost dislocates Mary Adam’s shoulder by running into him (physical assault number 1). This animal has anger issues that is gonna cause him to get into trouble someday. Going OJ on someone on a reality TV show is not needed! I don’t know though, Mary Adam may like rough sex!

Kris, Jon, Hayden, Aaron, Gus and Hera make the second train. Lori and Bolo are on the third train by themselves with Don and Mary Jean bringing up the rear.

Mary Adam, Rebecca, Freddie and Kendra get off the train and for some unknown reason think the clue box is behind the wall and they scurry off looking. Jonathon runs directly to it and takes the clue. The teams now have to race through town to the Broken Chain Sculpture where they will find their next clue.

Kris, Jon, Hayden, Aaron, Gus and Hera get to the wall and appear to be heading in the right direction. Gus comes out with one of the most profound statements yet, “We went from the depths of degradation in Africa to the same thing in Europe. We as humans are capable of so much horror.” How sad and true is that statement?

After Bolo and Lori arrive at the wall, the Magoos known as Mary Adam, Rebecca, Freddie and Kendra decide they are in the wrong place and decide to hit the street. Funny how sometimes people think this is Easter and they are looking for the golden Easter egg! How many times has Phil hidden the clue box under a breadbasket? GEEZ!

Kris and Jon find the clue box second, Hayden and Aaron third, Gus and Hera fourth as Mary Adam, Rebecca, Freddie and Kendra pass them as they are leaving the clue box. Lori and Bolo are 7th and we are shown Don and Mary Jean making the clue box but we do not have a time frame.

DETOUR: Beers or Brats

Beers: The teams will travel to a local bar and pick-up steins of beer to find their faces on a coaster that customers are using under their drinks. They will trade 2 steins of beer for each coaster and will have to collect 5 coasters before getting their next clue.

Brats: The teams will travel to a place called The Citadel and use a hand operated sausage maker to make one continuous rope of 5 brat links and each link has to be at least 7 inches in length. I must warn you now that the quotes coming out of this challenge are all priceless.

I am not going to go through each team reading the clue, I am just going to list what they decided to do and put their rank in parenthesis:

Beer:
Kris/Jon (2)
Gus/Hera (3)
Hayden/Aaron (4)
Freddie/Kendra (7)

Brats:
Jonathon/Victoria (1)
Lori/Bolo (5)
Mary Adam/Rebecca (6)
Don/Mary Jean (8)

Quick notes about some exchanges that happened at this clue box:

1) Hayden and Aaron get into the cab and Aaron is all excited about maybe drinking a beer and he proclaims, “Da Beers”. Hey buddy, that would be Da Bears but whatever floats your boat!
2) Mary Adam and Rebecca decide to do brats. Was there any doubt? Hell, I would bet that Mary Adam has had more sausages in his hands then Jenna Jameson!
3) IDIOT ALERT: Freddie and Kendra read the clue and have no idea what a stein is. The clue says, “a stein of beer”. Wouldn’t logical people understand? Well, we are not dealing with the sharpest tools in the shed! Maybe Kendra’s mind is still in that third world country and maybe Rebecca can help her escape.

Jonathon and Victoria decide to do brats. In the cab they are discussing the difficulty of making brats and Jonathon says that it can’t be too hard because he has seen Lucy do it on I Love Lucy. Um, I think I missed that episode. However, I don’t know that Lucy could have been any funnier than these idiots.

Hayden, Aaron, Kendra and Freddie are working the bar as the only two teams there. It is a neck and neck race with the customers being the lucky ones to get 2 free beers.

Jonathon and Victoria do very well with making sausage and is the first team going to Teufelsberg (Devil’s Mountain) the highest point in Berlin and they will find their next clue there. While leaving, Victoria picks up Jonathon’s backpack and comments on how much lighter his backpack is than hers. Keep this in mind as we get closer to the pit stop.

Bolo and Lori arrive at The Citadel as the bickering ones leave. Lori barks orders to Bolo, “Pack it! Put it to the end first!” and Bolo asks, “Why you gotta be a b!tch?” I agree, why does she have to be a b!tch? Bolo reminds me of Lucy on I Love Lucy (wow, I didn’t set out to get two Lucy references in here but oh well). Lucy always wanted to be in Ricky’s show and we never found out why she couldn’t be in the show! I guess we will never know.

The two teams doing beers (Freddie, Kendra, Hayden and Aaron) finish the task and both teams put a bottoms up on a beer and enjoy! They are now on their way to Teufelsberg.

Gus and Hera start working the crowd for coasters and Hera starts looking at the customers asking if they have black people coasters? Hera, the customers can tell you’re black; you don’t have to tell them.

This next segment starts the priceless quotes. Keep in mind; these quotes come about while making sausages. Bolo and Lori are making brats when Mary Adam and Rebecca walk-in and Mary Adam asks, “Is it hard?” It will before you finish Mary! You should know this.

Rebecca tells Mary Adam, “Start packing it in nicely and get you’re fingers in there!” Mary Adam has said this numerous times honey, I am sure he can give you some pointers!

Bolo and Lori finishes and the judge comes over to measure the sausages and tells them that one “is not okay”. Loris asks, “is it short?” Isn’t Bolo supposed to be asking that question? Who is the man in this relationship? I wonder if the steroids have caused shrinkage?

As Rebecca rubs the sheath that surrounds the brat she yells at Mary Adam to pay attention! Mary Adam says, “Oh, I am paying attention!” Any man would pay attention to the way she was massaging that sausage.

Kris and Jon arrive with Gus and Hera to look for their coasters. While they are looking Gus decides to taste the suds. Hera quickly tells him that he shouldn’t drink the beer. Kris and Jon finish before the other team but Gus samples another beer before they are finished. Hera finds the last coaster and Gus begs to stay and have another beer. Can you say problem? Actually, this was funny as Gus said it was really good beer about 5 times. What a lush?

Back at the sausagefest: Rebecca, “Keep going, push, push harder…at least 7 inches!” Mary Adam, “I want more than 7 inches! Can I get a pump for home?” Well, the cat is out of the bag so to speak, Mary Adam likes sex toys and is a size queen! What more could one ask for? What a good Nancy she is.

Bolo eats raw sausage during the sausage making. EEEEWWW! However, they finish before the girls and they are off to Devil’s Mountain. On the street Bolo stops a local and asks if he knows where the train station is and asks if the local will walk them to it and Lori wants to take a taxi. However, Bolo wins out and they walk. What a doofus! I think Bolo decides without thinking. They shouldn’t walk.

The girls are still making sausage and Mary Adam says, “I am so surprised that Jonathon isn’t here cuz he is the biggest wiener of them all!” Nice assessment Mary Adam, however Jonathon is a sub-human that doesn’t deserve to live. Rebecca proudly, “The last one is girthy and lengthy!” I always thought girth was more important than length but what happens if someone has both? They finish and are off.

Don and Mary Jean get into the sausage action with Don, “Push it in nice and slow because I have to get this thing full!” BWAHAHAHA! Nice, slow and full is my new mantra…I aim to please! Mary Jean, “We were going 7 inches, 7 inches, 7 inches…7 inches is big!” Well, I guess Don falls into the national average when it comes to length. Maybe Mary Jean should take a walk on the wild side! They finish and head out.

Bolo and Lori get on the train and realize they are going the wrong way. They will have to get off the train at the next stop and backtrack. More arguing ensues and a local volunteers to walk them to the right train to make sure they get there.

ROADBLOCK: Soap Box Derby

One team member will climb Devil’s Mountain and race a soap box derby car down the mountain. The car has to make it down the mountain in 37 seconds or less to advance.

Jonathon and Victoria are first to try but before Jonathon goes he has to tell us that he owns a Ferrari! What a pompous wife-beating arse! This guy just don’t let up. He makes it down the mountain in 35 seconds. They have to drive themselves to the next pit stop, which is the Brandenburg Gate.

Freddie and Kendra arrive as Jonathon and Victoria are leaving and Jonathon starts shouting at Victoria that they have to be in first place! Freddie makes it down the mountain in 35 seconds. Looks like a foot race to the finish line.

Hayden and Aaron are next down the mountain at 34:36 seconds. Hera and Jon will be going down the mountain side-by-side. They both make it in 35 seconds.

Rebecca comes down the mountain in 34 seconds. Mary Adam does her best cheerleading of the season as she dances like a little schoolgirl.

The verbal abuse continues in the car on the way to the pit stop with Jonathon in perfect form. Jonathon screams to Victoria if someone beats them he is going to blow (and not in a good way). He tells her that he will lose it on her because she can’t get it right on the ground! WOW! Ike Turner would be proud of this animal! Jonathon is upset because Victoria can’t find the map. So, he pulls off the side of the road and MAKES Victoria get in the driver’s seat! Victoria says that she can’t reach the pedals. DAMMIT! I was hoping she would push the gas pedal and run the car into a brick wall! The car would explode and the world would be rid of another dumbarse. Jonathon now takes the wheel and they drive to the stop but Freddie and Kendra are on their tales!

The foot race begins with Victoria encouraging arsehole to run. Wussy wimps out and says he can’t carry his heavy backpack (remember, it is lighter then Victoria’s). Freddie catches up with Jonathon and Jonathon throws his bag down and screams, “LEAVE IT!” Victoria stops to get his bag because she is afraid someone will steal it. Victoria is now beside Freddie and she begins to cry and scream that someone will take the bag and for Jonathon to come back and get his bag. Freddie looks at Victoria as if saying WTF? I must say that had I been Victoria, the bag would have been left behind…let him wear the same clothes for the rest of the race.

Victoria’s breakdown kicks up a notch as she is crying and screaming hysterically. Everyone on the street is stopping to look. Freddie takes Kendra’s bag and screams for her to outrun Victoria! Victoria is slowly jogging when dirtbag comes back and jerks the bag outta her hand and she cries even louder. Scumbag is raging at Victoria as she continues on her downward spiral.

Freddie and Kendra slide onto the mat for first place and wins a vacation to Mexico!

Lori comes down the mountain in 35:15 seconds and Mary makes it in 35:48 seconds.

Scumbag is still dressed appropriately (wife beater) as he and Victoria are now walking. He is berating her and telling her that she should have never stopped to get his bag. Scumbag then takes his hand gives her a huge shove that lands on Victoria’s shoulder and backpack and almost pushes her down (assault number 2) and she dropped the route marker. That hit could have only been appreciated by Bobby Brown himself! She is still crying for dirtbag to stop. They hit the mat and Jonathon is trying to explain his actions to Phil as Victoria just walks off crying. Phil interrupts his blabbering to tell him to go talk to Victoria. He goes over to Victoria and is still telling her she should not have picked up his bag when she screams that she has nothing to say to him! He walks off! This was a low moment for this team and for TAR!

I know some of you have been wandering about Phil and what he saw and why he didn’t say something. Well, during the scene where scumbag hits Victoria, Phil is telling Freddie and Kendra about the trip to Mexico. The camera angle of the hit is perfect to see them (Phil, Freddie and Kendra) in the background and they are shown hugging and kissing (Freddie and Kendra) as they did when the trip was announced. So, Phil didn’t see the actual hit. He just saw Victoria breaking down.

With all this drama, I am going to end with the placings for this leg of the race:

1st Freddie and Kendra
2nd Dogscum and Victoria
3rd Hayden and Aaron
4th Kris and Jon
5th Gus and Hera
6th Mary Adam and Rebecca
7th Lori and Bolo
Philiminated Don and Mary Jean

Don ends telling Phil that he is glad the race had them! They go out with more class than dogscum has in his little finger!

Next week? The wife beating continues!

OH.THE.DRAMA!

Edited because I got Hayden and Aaron confused!