LAST EDITED ON 09-28-10 AT 04:06 PM (EST)Imagine if you will, a season of Survivor that's both supremely sourced and spectacularly speculated but seemingly stays un-spoiled. This is that season. This is that State Of The Spoiling.
But before I get into the hows, whens, wheres and whys, let me begin with the legal department.
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This episode of Survivor Blows presents...State Of The Spoiling is brought to you by the unclean and slightly disturbed mind of tribephyl. Everything contained within is for entertainment purposes and should NOT be taken as gospel according to anyone. I had fun, I hope you do too.
Open scene on a large windowed boardroom. At the far end of the long meeting table in the middle of the boardroom, in a technicolor dreamcoat there sits a magical and lonely man who wonders how to make a gazillion dollars on a sinking but "reputable" franchise. We'll call him, the Wheez...
The Wheez has recruited a fine bunch of characters, in hopes of making this "The. BEST. Season. Ever." Can he succeed? Will the Good Guys prevail? Can we scrub the memory of Russell from our memories or are we doomed to repeat it? Let's find out...
Jimmy is a non-shy, old non-mixed-race man who is sent away by his aging football manager to live out his little life left in an old folks home. After being there only 6 days an unearthly storm heads straight for the Golden Ages Retirement Park where he's been sent out to pasture. The storm, so huge, it swoops poor Jimmy up and flies him through the air and slams him down in an otherwordly place called Nicaragua.
After settling nerves and getting his bearings about him he realizes the trailer/home he lived in had landed on a pair of legs. Investigating the legs and what they were attached to had him realizing he had just located a magical item.
Secret Picture
of
magical item
here |
Out pops a magical tvgod,
dressed in taffeta and denim and carrying a wand, the tvgod imparts on Jimmy the wisdom of his placement and what his magical task is going to be.
"Jimmy, you must take this magical item, this "Package of Enzyte", to the Wheez. Along the way you will meet friends and you will meet foes, just beware the AntiRupert and The Monkey Barrels. Oh and follow the glittery road.
Jimmy sets out on his adventure and soon runs across a trio of folks who are also heading to see the Wheez.
Enter, CrazyHolly, HairyMarty and JustJill.
One brainless, one heartless and one, well, one just plain crazy. The four of them skipping along the glittery road.
After hours of walking they decide to stop and take a rest in an open field of probsties. What they didn't know is that this field of probsties have been cursed and smelling them can make almost anyone sleepy. The kind of sleepy from which you will never awaken from.
Jimmy bends over and sniffs the probsties.
Soon, all four of them get lulled into good-night-forever-land...of Wednesdays.
Meanwhile, from the vantage point of a pedestal, peering into his powerful super-ego, the Antirupert lets out a sneering guffaw at the fate of the 4 travelers.
He notices the Package of Enzyte and summons his band of barrel monkeys to capture them all.
Luckily for the four of them, in walks the Hidden Immunity Idol, who not only wakes them up but promises to shake up the game for the good of the show. But before they can even take three more steps onto the glittery road...
out pops a monkey, then another, then another.
Soon Jimmy and his groggy friends are surrounded by barrel monkeys.
Trying to push the monkeys around, the oldsters fail in their mission, are overtaken by the young barrel monkeys and are whooshed off to Antirupert's Tribal Castle.
With his snuffer in hand, the Antirupert claims that Jimmy needs to hand over the Package of Enzyte or else have his flame extinguished.
Jimmy exclaims, "If there is any extinguishing to be done, it will be done by ME.
Our hero grabs a pail of water and throws it all over....HIMSELF!
He melts into a puddle on the floor and his remains are sent to LoserLodge.
*From his seat at the end of a large meeting table the Wheez is stunned by the turn of events. "Noooo....my gazillions! I'll get you Antirupert!"
The moral of the story being:
RC/IC: The Young Barrel Monkeys
The Boot: Jimmy Johnson
Tune in next week to see if the Wheez gets his revenge on the Antirupert.
A huge thank you to everyone who contributes to the making of one of these. There are countless names and sites to cite as influences, I hope you know who you are. Thank you.
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