Official “The Apprentice” Episode 4 Summary: What Planet Hollywood Are You From?”

Previously on “The Apprentice”…Sam’s fired. ‘Nuff said.

What, you want more? AyaK delivered the goods in his summary. It’s hard enough to follow the guy, there’s no need to expect me to reinvent the wheel.

Random intro thought…Is Omarosa offended that her intro picture is in black and white? Or would she more offended by a colored picture? Just wondering.

A Suite Welcome

The women are waiting with the men to see who returns from the Boardroom. Guess Sam taught them a lesson about properly greeting at the door. Too bad he wasn’t there to see it.

And there was much rejoicing.

Nick compares the celebration to something out of The Wizard Of Oz. No, Nick, you’re not in Kansas anymore. He then said he was pissed because there were weaker players on his team than Sam. Has the copier salesman been sniffing too much toner?

The Morning After

Kwame takes the call – report to Times Square at 8am. The Donald is ushered in with music that fits everything else associated with his image – pompous and tacky. He then explains the next task to the teams – manage Planet Hollywood.

Ah, Planet Hollywood, the DAW spot originally backed by Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, and Demi Moore back when they all had acting careers. Scary piece of trivia: Demi Moore’s current squeeze Ashton Kutcher was a pre-teen when the New York restaurant opened in 1991.

Profits will be compared to the same day last year for each team. The losers will go to the Boardroom…again. The winners get to go to the finest golf course in New York. Which course is he talking about? Why, Trump National, of course. Then again, that’s like saying you’re on the highest-rated program on UPN.

Katrina comments that the men are a lethal weapon without Sam. For one of the first times, I start to respect my gender representatives on this show. Even though it would have been better for them to have a divisive force like Sam around, they would rather compete against a more unified, potentially stronger team. I can see her point, though. Since only one person can win, it would be really embarrassing to go home and admit to losing to Sam.

Speaking of embarrassing, Bill says he’ll be embarrassed if they lose again. You should be, Bill.

It’s time to choose the Project Managers. Nick nominates Kwame. After all, two of the last three Project Managers got fired. The women have an easy choice for PM, right? After all, Kristi owns a restaurant. That means that they pick Katrina, of course. Kristi will be restaurant manager. Um, whatever. Meanwhile, Omarosa has decided that she better play nice with the other girls. Ereka admits that Omarosa is being nicer, but dismisses it as strategy.

Oh Yes, It’s Ladies’ Night

Kristi learns that 25% of the restaurant’s sales are from the bar. Since liquor provides a huge markup, she wants to emphasize the bar in their efforts to maximize profits. The team decides on the “Planet Hollywood Shooters Girl” campaign. Hmm, wonder where they got that idea? Katrina repeats the mantra of Protégé…sex sells. The girls pick out the smallest possible T-shirts to, ahem, accentuate their assets.

The women don’t seem overly impressed with Katrina as they start their task. Tammy claims she couldn’t articulate strategy and tattled to George that she was flying by the seat of her pants. Some of the women headed over to TKTS to hand out coupons to the folks waiting for cheap theater tickets. Amy didn’t realize how many coupons people were getting. I learned that within 5 minutes of walking down the street in NYC. Luckily, it was a winter day, and I could stuff my hands in my pockets so they’d leave me alone. But I digress. She says, “I feel like I’m pimping it out.” You’ve got that Protégé spirit.

Uncle Donald’s Lesson Time

“A Deal’s A Deal” – I feel like I’m in high school, being forced to watch one of those boring documentaries that you’re stuck with when you have a substitute. The Donald explains that “once you shake hands, that should be it”.

Editing note: Uncle Donald’s Lesson Time has pointed to the losing team in each episode it’s aired. Although there are some who would claim that two previous occurrences does not mean you have a trend, others would argue to stick with it until it’s disproven.

Games Little Boys Play

Since they have the day off, the boys decide to bond. First they play basketball, then Trump the Game. Ahem, this is your day off. Show some dignity, take a break from butt-kissing. While Kwame and Troy are sitting down to play the game, Bill is more than willing to stand on the sidelines and butt in while they’re negotiating. Finally, Troy and Bill make a deal to stop talking during negotiations, and they shake hands. The deal lasts about as long as their fame as reality contestants will, because Bill can’t stay quiet. Troy laments that Bill “didn’t honor the handshake”.

If I have to hit you over the head any harder with this foreshadowing, well, then, there’s no hope for you.

Cocktail, The Sequel

Jessie has an idea. She decides to set up a VIP seating area at the front of the restaurant. Katrina doesn’t appreciate her authority being usurped, especially at the expense of getting folks upstairs, and so we have our Obligatory Female Confrontation of the episode as Katrina makes Jessie stop. Now if only she could stop Amy from singing into that bullhorn.

To no one’s surprise, Heidi is focusing on the alcohol. She can sell shooters faster than she can sell a T-shirt, probably because for her, the only things T-shirts are good for is falling out of. Kristi admires her ability to sell, as Heidi single-handedly increases the average blood alcohol of NYC by at least .02. One of her patrons buys a tray of shots. Since he hates to drink alone, he encourages the girls to drink with him. Being the responsible, devoted to work girls that they are (please, folks, that was sarcasm), they quickly agree. Meanwhile, the real managers are flipping out, and they make a point of reminding the girls that the restaurant is responsible for all of these drunken bums when they leave the restaurant.

Commerical break, and I flip to the basketball game…am I the only person who thinks Coach K looks like he has spray-on hair?

Real Men of Genius

Now, it’s the boys’ turn. Nick says he’s going to keep sitting in the wings, letting the other guys eliminate themselves while he waits. Um, how is this demonstrating your leadership skills to The Donald? If they win, great, he gets to play golf, otherwise they go back to the Boardroom, he shrugs.

The street team is Troy, Kwame, and Nick. Bowie greets people at the door and is supposed to be in charge of merchandise, while Bill is the only member of the team actually inside the restaurant. Look guys, I know you’re outnumbered, but is this the most efficient use of resources? As Bill meets with the staff and offers them an incentive program for sales per hour, George comments that the team’s got the right guy up there. Well, he’s definitely the best worker in the restaurant…since he’s the only worker in the restaurant. Again, go back to the UPN analogy.

Meanwhile, Troy and Kwame are focusing their efforts outside. They’re at TKTS, they’re getting on bus tours. Troy even offers to take drink orders while folks wait in line for tickets, until Bowie points out to him that they can’t take drinks out there. At this point, I’m armchair project managing this team, since someone has to do it, and yelling at them to get their rears back to the restaurant.

Bill is getting frustrated that they can’t get more patrons to the upper floors. Well, if you weren’t the only one actually working in the restaurant, there would be some progress. Bowie is not being productive in the merchandising area, so he instead decides to torment the diners by interrupting their meals to offer them…pictures. As Bill becomes more concerned about the numbers (again, because he’s the only one bothering to look), Troy decides they’ve got to create a buzz. No, he doesn’t take the Heidi approach.

Quick break to the girls, who have decided to have their own team bonding experience without the boys by going out for sushi. There’s plenty of eating, drinking, and laughing at MBA’s with their noses in case studies. (Hey, those case studies were practical learning exercises.)

Meanwhile, Troy’s creating quite a buzz by hawking Kwame Jackson autographs. Yes, Kwame Jackson, New York man, Wall Street’s finest. Somehow, they manage to convince little kids that having a reality show whore’s autograph is worth something. Nick is disgusted by this behavior and seeks out Bill, saying he’s following him from now on instead of that circus. Nick’s idea of following was to stand outside and invite people in using a soft monotone. Way to throw yourself into the team effort, Nicky. If you were so disgusted by the efforts, why not go inside and be useful? Oh yeah, by staying out of Bill’s way, you were being useful.

Speaking of Bill, Bowie comments that Bill looked a lot more like a Project Manager than Kwame. During the final 10 minutes, they were all working the crowd, urging last orders. Amazing. They were all in the restaurant together for 10 whole minutes.

The Results Are In

Time for the overconfident remarks to try and throw off the audience on who’s in trouble this week.

Katrina: We’re not going to be in the Boardroom.

Troy: Donald Trump, I’m looking forward to playing that course of yours.

The teams file into the Boardroom, where they are greeted with the totals. The men had a 6.8% increase over the same time last year. Meanwhile, the women upped it 31.3%. During the post-mortem, Caroline commented how the women focused on the bar and, well, actually being inside the restaurant, while the men didn’t. Again, the women celebrate a victory, while the men prepare for the Boardroom.

AyaK, I’m glad we didn’t base the summary schedule on the challenges, because one of us would be way overworked by now.

Out of the Frying Pan, Who’s Getting Fired?

Kwame says he’s not doing speeches as the team leader. That’s probably because he’s too busy trying to figure out a way to save his hide this time.

Bowie feels like a pet was just killed. “What the hell happened? How did we lose?” Um, did you not pay attention to what Caroline said? Or did you just hear you lost again, and check out?

Bill and Nick get into an argument with Kwame and Troy. Bill had real issues with the autograph plan, while Troy insists that they didn’t cross the line. Nick comments later that he knows he’s going to the Boardroom, but he’s formulated a defense. Yes Nick, you’ll go far…by hiding behind others and knowing how to shift blame. Those are two necessary skills in the business world, aren’t they?

Bowie’s worried that they’re going to eat him alive, since he was in charge of the bar. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Caddyshack 3

We’re out to Trump National, where I am again embarrassed by my gender. Was I embarrassed by the little speech that Caroline and The Donald gave about how close they have come to crossing the line by using their sexuality? No, because, like them, I’m thinking that duh, it’s working, isn’t it? No, I’m embarrassed at their behavior on the actual golf course. Omarosa looks like the only one who actually knows which end of the club to use. And to no one’s surprise, we find out that Heidi doesn’t like golf and would rather be at a football game. Insert tight end and wide receiver jokes here.

Men on Board…Again

In the Boardroom, Kwame says he won’t offer excuses…but they were beaten because of smaller numbers. Way to avoid excuses. Just like a Carolina grad. Note: Mr. Bebo is a Carolina grad – that one was for him.

George accuses him of “trying to protect (his) ass instead of trying to win”. Caroline criticizes the neglect of the bar. She also pointed out that they could have paid someone a few bucks to pass out the coupons while they actually went into the restaurant and did some work.

The Donald asks Bill who was the worst out there, and Bill comes up with the perfect answer: Since he was so busy working inside, he can’t comment. Nice way to remind them how hard he was working in the actual restaurant without looking vindictive against anyone else.

The Donald asks Nick the same question, and he goes after PM Kwame and the sales tactics. As Nick had said, he had a defense formulated, and he went through the whole speech for The Donald and The Cronies.

Kwame and Troy both choose Nick because of his poor attitude, but he blames that on his feelings about the tactic. Kwame then gave us the best out-of-context quote of the evening when he said, “I had some balls, and basically I signed.”

Time for Kwame to pick which two would join him in the Boardroom. He immediately chooses Nick. The second is a harder decision for him, but he picks Bowie. Since Troy had an A+ effort on the street (debatable) and Bill had an A+ effort in the restaurant (duh), Bowie’s A effort wasn’t up to the other two. Kwame earned himself some bonus points by making the intelligent move not to take Bill, since that would have obviously been motivated by vindictiveness instead of judgment and could have gotten Kwame fired. He also learned how to take someone else into the Boardroom without insulting him. Kwame did learn something from Sam.

Time for deliberations…

Nick is not a team player. Caroline criticizes how he took himself out of the game.

Kwame taken out of the action, poor project manager. Yet George likes his leadership skills. Um, George, when did he show them in the actual task?

The Donald asks them why not Bowie, and Caroline points out that he’s energetic.

Back with the boys…

The Donald asks Kwame why it should be him, and he says that Nick was worse than he was. Nick then complains that nobody likes him, everyone hates him, guess he should go eat worms. Bowie is then asked whether he had been in favor of the autograph stunt, and he admits he teetered about it.

Now all eyes are on The Donald (which, we know, is the way he likes it) as he chastises Kwame but then tells him he’s staying. He then tells Bowie how he failed miserably on handling his merchandising responsibilities. Then he turns to Nick and tells him he doesn’t play nice with the other children, but he would like to see him lead next week.

Next week? Well then, that means…

Bowie, you’re fired.

As the boys head to the elevators, The Donald and The Peons tell each other what a hard decision that was. Yeah, uh huh.

Speaking of next week…a winner has been declared in the Battle of the Sexes, and a “corporate reshuffling” evens out the playing field and promises two of the boys that they can finally avoid the Boardroom.

As Bowie takes his cab ride to reality show obscurity, he does show some pride by being classy on the way out. Bowie, good luck to you – you’re too good for this.

Snarky, smart, S7 Anti-Bootee Champ