ETHAN GETS GUT-TED

Welcome to Survivor Insider, where "Amber's ##### is bangin," but MamaKim is the only Survivor woman to ever wear a thong. PLEASE DO NOT POST PICTURES!

A FEW NOTES:

1) All archives of the Insider are available at Survivor Network www.londyscreations.com/survivornetwork/
Thanks to Larry Londy for the web space.

2) Thanks to all those who support me in this thread. It takes about 3 hours to do a transcript, and I enjoy the comments, good or bad. Remember, I do this FOR FUN. Though, if you diss me, I will come after you like Shii Ann on a rolling log.

TRIBAL COUNCIL VOTES -- ETHAN BOOTED

Markopolo's note: What's wrong with Mogo Mogo? They hate each other so much that they need to talk to the camera for five minutes at tribal council. They need to take voting lessons from Rudy. Either that or Markopolo's fingers will be too tired after the first friggin' clip!

Kathy (votes Ethan): (she says something like "god, cold hands" before she picks up the pen) Ethan, you said you were in search for truth and loyalty. And you never once came to me until two hours before we came here. So I don't understand. I think we could have bonded. Today when I looked in your brown eyes and you talked, I could see that you really wanted it, but you and Colby, since you both teamed up together on this tribe, you just avoided talking to us -- just sent messages down the ladder of information. So I can't keep you around cuz I don't trust ya.

Ethan (votes Jerry): Oops did I spell your name wrong again (giggles). ::GETS SERIOUS:: Jerri, every day I've bent over backwards to make your life a better place on this island, while you slept around and did nothing. Today, you took my life into your hands. And you blew it. It's going to be tough for me to live with that. I feel like you do not deserve to be here. I feel you have not played the game well. And I feel you have not worked hard enough. And I think you should be voted off for those reasons.

Jerri (votes Ethan): I just want to say that it's been an extreme pleasure playing this game with you. You have been a fierce competitor on our team and showed us all your athletic abilities. It is pretty much why I have to make this vote tonight. It is because you are an incredible threat for a merge. If a merge happens. You're going to kick my butt to the end and I can't afford to have someone around who's going to do that. So, again this is an honest vote and it's necessary.

Markopolo's note: Jerri is insane. Does she actually think people like her? "It was a pleasure to play with you" (EVEN THOUGH YOU HATE MY GUTS AND MY HEAD IS IN THE CLOUDS).

Lex (votes EZ): (Lex has his head down before he is called by Jeff to vote. He takes several seconds before he writes. He coughs and looks weak.). Well, it's your time to go and I know you're not happy about it. But I say you got a pretty damn good run for your money because of the target on your back. I'll leave you with one thing. It's really, really easy to leave a win with grace and dignity. But it's much, much harder to lose with that same grace and dignity. Let's see how you do.

Shii Ann (apparently she puts "Eath" and then crosses it out to correct herself): Ethan, I really respect your work ethic, your integrity and your love of competition. Unfortunately, you don't play a diabolical enough of a game to help get me to where I need to be eventually post-merge. So sorry buddy. I will see you in New York for a diet coke and a pizza.

Markopolo's note: Is this the first cross-out vote since Gervase tried to vote for an immune Greg and put "OOPS" and then Sue?

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Sore Loser
2 min : 26 sec
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Clip description: The tribe returned to camp with spirits high from winning the Reward Challenge. Alicia, however, wasn’t feeling the same way due to her poor performance at the Challenge.

Markopolo's note: Well, if we wanted to be clear on who is on the hotseat at Chapera, Alicia's ##### must be on fire. Rob, Tom and Amber call her out with words like "embarrassing, disdain...etc."

Amber: "She acts like a five-year-old and it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing to have her part of our tribe that day."
Tom: "The thing about Alicia is she don't do nothing around camp."
Rob: "There's nothing useful that she does out here. I've not had this much disdain or bad taste in my mouth from any Survivor ever. It can't come soon enough.
"Pretty much every time Alicia opens her mouth, myself, the other members of our tribe and every mosquito in the 200-yard radius of camp, becomes irritated."

(CHAPERA TRIBE WALKING ALONG THEIR BEACH)

Rupert (to tribe): Very, very good challenge. And we're taking their damn sling and their rice.

(chatter)

Amber (confessional): Winning that challenge wasn't about winning what we can take from Mogo Mogo. It's about keeping what they were going to take from us. (AMBER'S HIDDEN (YEAH RIGHT) SEX LIFE DEPENDS ON HIDING UNDER THAT BLANKET).

Rob (confessional): We won the barrel roll challenge. Myself and Amber took it home. Alicia got dogged twice in a row by little Shii Ann. (snickers)

(ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU TWICE BY SHII ANN IS PROBABLY A BAD THING)

Jenna L (to Amber): I knew you'd win.

Amber (to Jenna L): I would have gone up against every one of them.

Jenna: I would have gone up against any guy there.

Amber: Me too. (WELL OF COURSE WE KNOW "YOU" WOULD GO UP AGAINST ANY GUY!)

SHOTS OF ALICIA MAD

Alicia (confessional): It was such a stupid challenge. To me it was just ridiculous. And it was devastating for me to say the least. Because No. 1, I'm very competitive. No. 2, I don't like to lose.

Amber: Oh, it felt so good.

Alicia (behind hut): OHHHH!

Alicia (confessional): No. 3 I really did not want to lose to Shii Ann. It's not like me to fail. Failure is not an option.

(SHOT OF ALICIA WALKING BEHIND AMBER, JENNA AND ROB. ALICIA IS HURRIED AND ANGRY)

Alicia (confessional): I needed to not hear everyone coming up to me and saying, "We won! We won! Don’t worry about it. I love that challenge!" And all that. I don't want to hear anything.

Jenna L (raises her arms): Woo! I am so excited.

(ROB WATCHES ALICIA STORM OFF)

Rob (confessional): Alicia's not a happy person. She's not a team player. And everyone’s starting to realize her misery. It's not just me.

(SEPARATE SHOTS OF RUPERT AND TOM LOOKING OUT).

Tom (to Rob): The thing about Alicia is she don't do nothing around camp.

Rob: There's nothing useful that she does out here. I've not had this much disdain or bad taste in my mouth from any Survivor ever. It can't come soon enough.

(SHOT OF ALICIA ALONE AT SHORE)

Rob (confessional): Pretty much every time Alicia opens her mouth, myself, the other members of our tribe and every mosquito in the 200-yard radius of camp becomes irritated.

Amber (confessional): She's 35 years old. Grow up. She was sulking and wanted to be alone. She was being such a baby. She was so upset losing to Shii Ann. Big deal! (GIVES ANNOYING "WHATEVER" FACE). She lost to Shii Ann, but guess what? The "team" won the challenge, that's what's supposed to matter. She's just a sore loser. She acts like a five-year-old and it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing to have her part of our tribe that day.

THINGS THAT ARE WORSE THAN LOSING TO SHII ANN IN A CHALLENGE

Someone once told me. If you ever feel down, just think of someone who's handicapped. I immediately told that person that he was a complete jerk.

So, instead, let's remind Alicia of a few worse things than to lose to Shii Ann:

-- O.J. prosecutors not getting a guilty verdict.

-- Honeymoon weekend with Ghandia.

-- Losing best-dressed contest to Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson

-- Getting beat up by Liza Minelli.

-- Losing to Arnold "Jingle all the Way" Schwarzenegger in an election.

-- Invading country and not finding any weapons of mass destruction. OOPS!

-- Going crazy after you take third place in Iowa caucus (YEEEEAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHH!)

-- Saying no to Kobe Bryant.

-- Getting booed by crowd at 76ers game. (Sorry Santa and Ethan).

-- High school team loses to Detroit Lions.

-- Jersey Girl doing worse at box office than Gigli

-- All those people who lost to Sarah in RW/RR The Gauntlet

-- Getting beat out for Grammy award by (fill in blank with any of the following): Britney Spears, Michael Bolton, Yanni, Mase, Clay Aiken.

-- Spending a weekend with MJ at Neverland Ranch...oh, and you're a 12-year old boy.

Have some better ideas? E-mail markopolo100@yahoo.com and I'll post them on my site.

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Getting away from Camp
2 min : 31 sec
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Clip description: Watch as Tom and Rupert head out of camp to fish. While away, they complain about the power struggles with in the camp.

Markopolo's note: THIS IS A FASCINATING clip. Really detailed and it shows us a lot about what's going on. I think EVERY fan and spoiler should read the summary and/or watch the clip. It looks like three factions are on Chapera: Rupert and Tom; Alicia herself; and Rob, Amber and Jenna L.

Tom makes comments about Rob controlling the women and the camp, plus his "awkwardness" around the people. GREAT STUFF.

(THE MORNING IS RAINY AT CHAPERA).

Rupert (confessional): In the nighttime I felt it coming. You can hear the rain coming. You can feel the breeze coming. And I got up quickly, covered the fire, got inside the shelter. It rained till 8 o'clock, nine o'clock. I was tired of sitting in the damn shelter. You're sitting on the damn bamboo. It's not good.

(RUPERT ASKS ALICIA FOR SPONGE)

Rupert: So I was going to go bathe. I mean, it's raining, I might as well get wet. I want to start my day. Big Tom got up too and convinced me, instead of going to bathe, let's go fishing.

Tom (to Rupert): Let's go fishin. Today will take us forever if we don't do somethin.

Rupert: I know.

Rupert (confessional): I see that we're out of water. I know that the fire's not going. I know that we haven't got any food to cook. There's a lot of things to be done. (RUPERT TAKES FISHING STICK). So I walk out of camp hoping something will be done, knowing in my mind that as soon as I leave camp, they're all going back to sleep.

(RUPERT AND TOM WALKING IN FOREST)

Rupert (to Tom): Well, you know, that's all part of this silly thing. Big Tom and I stay outside of that shelter. And Rob sleeps in there with the three honeys. I'm getting used to it. We're on the downhill slide of this little adventure and I'm not going to let silliness like that get me.

(BACK AT CAMP, LIQUID IS DRIPPING RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF AMBER AND ROB WHO ARE CUDDLED UP IN BLANKET)

(AND, NO, NOT THAT TYPE OF LIQUID, YOU SICK READERS!)

Rob (to ladies): Aww come on, the only leak and it's right here. Awww, right on my face.

Tom (confessional): I would say, if you look at our camp and decide who was running the show at our camp, it'll probably be Rob.

(SCENE SHIFTS TO LATER IN THE DAY. RAIN IS GONE AND ROB AND THE LADIES ARE BATHING)

(SHOTS OF AMBER'S SOAP-LATHERED BUTT. VERY REMINICENT OF AMAZON TRIPLET SCENE)

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Part Man, Part Fish
2 min : 12 sec
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Clip description: Watch Tom’s fascination with Rupert’s ability to hold his breath underwater. Is Rupert part fish, part human? Tom thinks so!

Markopolo's note: Listening to Tom is like learning another, less-sophisticated language. But he is pretty funny....or so stupid that it's funny.

Tom (confessional): Rob has more voice than anybody. He's also got the women on his side. He does a good job and he likes that role. And I say, let em have it. I'm 48 and I got a lot of opinions out here. But I've had more trouble this time interacting with the tribemembers than any time being with anybody. And really, I'm glad Rupert's come to this side. Me and him have got more in common than anybody.

We caught, wait, Rupert caught a sack full of oysters.

See the tide went down, and I am going to say it more than once, where does that water go? That water was pushed back like something 50 feet. It goes like that every day. And I know it didn't go anywhere yesterday when we were on that yacht. And this morning, I told Rupert, hey that water's gone. We can walk down there and get them seashells. See he was diving 15-20 feet. And I know good and well, if something going to happen, some find going to come out of his back and a gill going to come up on the side of his face if he keeps going.

I'm trying to hold my breath up on that rock, and I can't hold my breath while he goes down. And he's swimming! He's carry something. Hey, I want him checked at the airport to see if he aint got something. But that son of a #####, is he close to being a fish. I bet his skin flakes off like scales. When he gets in dry weather, I bet he flakes. I bet in his family tree, he was a porpoise or something. Somewhere down the evolution has him as a platypus.

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Ethan Scrambles
2 min : 36 sec
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Clip description: Watch Ethan explain his plan of action moments before the tribe leaves for Tribal Council. What was his strategy? Find out now.

Markopolo's note: I have a new respect for Ethan. He's right. Lex could have kept him as a shield for the merge. Too bad Lex is still bitter about Fallen Comrades and losing S3! Don't remember? Read the story:

http://www.allyourtv.com/features/survivor3/mistake3.html

Ethan (confessional): I had a feeling that if we lost immunity today, that I would be going home tonight. And I'm a little bit right. So I came back, had a little chat with Lex. I told him how I felt. How I feel that I still deserve to be here. How I want to be here. How, you know, we can go into this merge or go on into this game together. Work hard together, blah blah blah.

And ya know, Lex came back and took me off to the side and saying, the way I am playing the game, this time around is business. I'm here for business. And you are my biggest threat. I've gone over all the scenarios in my head. And I just can't see how it would be a benefit to keep you in the game.

And we just had it out. And it's funny how he said, I'm playing this game as business; I'm putting my friendships aside. But I am going to take you aside as a friend and tell you that we're going to vote you out tonight.

You can't have your cake and eat it too, Lex. I'm either your friend, or not your friend. You either play this game straight up, and vote me out, or play this game as my friend and show me some loyalty and let's play it together. And that kind of bugs me a little.

I totally appreciate. I see in his heart. He's got a big heart and he's doing it as my friend. He really doesn't want me to be blindsided at tribal council and flabbergasted, oh my god I got voted off.

So he is taking me aside and preparing me, and telling me that, listen, if I go into the merge with those three girls, it's a better option for me. And I keep saying, listen, we're stronger with me in there. You think if we go into the merge it's not going to be a problem to get me voted off? All you gotta say is, Rob, Amber, Kathy, Shii Ann, let's vote Ethan off. No problem.

I said, Lex, keep your options open. Keep the option of having a winner with you and a non-winner. It can't hurt that much. And he said, you know, I played Africa, and things that happened to me were not fair. And I lost. I don't want to make that same mistake again. (WELL, HOPEFULLY YOU KNOW WHO'S PIERCED AND WHO ISN'T.)

He said, I just have to get off my biggest threats. He said, I see in your eyes, what is in my eyes -- that spark, that drive that motivation to win. You'll do anything to win. He's like, and that's what scares me the most.

RULE #1 OF SURVIVOR: FLATTER THE PERSON YOU ARE GOING TO BE VOTING OFF. "OH ETHAN, YOU'RE SO GREAT, THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO GET RID OF YOU." THEN AGAIN, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY WHEN YOU NEED TO VOTE JERRI?

And, you know, it makes me feel good that he sees that. But it also piss*s me off that he doesn't see the other side of things. My side of things.

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Jerri Speaks Out
3 min : 32 sec
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Clip description: Find out what Jerri has to say after losing Immunity for her tribe. Was she going to let it ruin her day, or would she put it aside and move on? Get the answer here.

Jerri (confessional): And if I last through this tribal council, I'm keeping my damn, mouth shut and not volunteering for anything else ever again.

THIS ISN'T ONE OF THOSE PROMISES THAT YOU WILL BREAK IN FIVE MINUTES, RIGHT JERRI?

I'm truly disappointed in myself right now. And the funny thing about that is this morning I was talking to Shii Ann about how difficult it is to be around Ethan when we lose a challenge. Cuz he gets really sulky. And I see him playing things in his head over and over all day long. Here I am in that position and the whole way back from the challenge, I just beat myself up. So I decided about five minutes ago, I'm just going to let it go. I'm going to spend the rest of the day at Mogo Mogo having fun and laughing and enjoying what could very well be my last day on this beach. (AKA: I AM GOING TO SIT ON MY LAZY ##### AND DO NOTHING). And I'm still bummed, but I am choosing to get over it and move on. (UNLIKE THOSE THREE YEARS OF BAGGAGE OVER COLBY). Take what's coming. Whatever that may be.

CUT

I can tell that at camp everybody's mind is turning. I don't think any decisions have been made as to what's going to happen tonight. I know Lex and Kathy are going to talk about it and figure out what they want to do. I wouldn't doubt it if Kathy was suddenly vying for me to get voted off. She has, the second time now, she has pushed me aside and, well, it's actually happened a lot. She's a very forceful woman. It's just the first time that I've actually had the opportunity to step up to the plate. When I asked to be the archer, she basically demanded my resume. And it kinda pissed me off quite frankly.

(she said) What do you do? What type of experience do you have? Tell me.

And it just made me a little mad. And I didn't feel like I had 100 percent support of my team when I got up there. And I think that's partially why it was harder for me to focus and get straightened out. Because I don't think Kathy had trust in me and my abilities. And then I proved her right.

So I don't know. I think Kathy is going to be vying for me to get voted off tonight. I think Lex is still trying very hard to not have to get rid of me. But you can tell right now at camp that everyone is feeling shaky. And Shii Ann voiced to me too that she's worried. She's worried. We don't want to go to Tribal Council. This is not going to be fun. I'm sure I'm going to get grilled tonight about how I lost the immunity challenge for everybody.

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Ethan, morning after
5 min : 38 sec
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Markopolo's note: SNORE! I should get paid $100/hour to listen to Ethan ramble.

I was voted off eighth and in a pretty much helpless situation. Ya know, from day 1, I felt like my back was against the wall, like I had a huge target on my back as a previous winner. And I've been struggling since Day 1 trying to fight and bite and scramble my way through this game. (HEY, LEAVE THE BITING TO ROB AND AMBER, YOU JEALOUS JERK!)

And I lasted 21 days and I'm proud. I made it father than any winner, so I am pretty psyched about that. But it finally came time where I had no choice. They made up their mind that they were going to knock off the strong players. They voiced that to me and I did everything I could to do to try and combat the situation. I scrambled like a caged animal trying to crawl out. (OF COURSE I STARTED TWO HOURS BEFORE TRIBAL COUNCIL). I tried to explain the situations to everyone on my tribe. To Kathy, Shii Ann, Lex and Jerri and they wanted me out. So they voted me out.

CUT

I prepared my best, this is all-stars. I did everything I could to prepare. I watched old tapes. I started gaining weight. I was in the gym, doing everything I could possibly do to better prepare myself for this game. And then I get here and start playing and I realize I have a target on my back. And anything I do is not going to matter, because on principle alone they want to vote out the winners. Who wants a winner to win again? They obviously did something right the first time. Let's not have to worry about them doing anything right the second time. Let's get their butts outta here. And so then I decided a lot of this game is going to depend on luck. No matter what I do, what I say or what I do in challenges, a lot of what I do isn't going to matter, because I am a winner. And so a lot of my game is going to depend on luck. And that's a little disappointing. It kind of took the wind out of my sails a little bit. But on the other hand it made me work harder and try to find a niche for myself. And I lasted 21 days, longer than any winner. And that's something to be proud of as well.

CUT

All-Stars was a tough game. Environmentally the rain, the cold the lack of water, the lack of food, all of that was extremely difficult. But Africa was tough as well. And I think going through Africa and going a full 39 days, definitely gave me an edge. I knew what it feels like. I knew what it feels like to be so depleted and have no energy and no motivation and still try to find a strength to carry me to the next day. So it was tough, but I think it was tougher for the other contestants than it was for Lex, me and Tom, ya know, the Africa contestants.

But one thing I didn't have to deal with in Africa was the rain. The rain sucked, man. It rained all the time. We had to move the fire all the time. My shelter flooded when we were on Saboga. And things like that I didn't have to deal with in Africa. So in that sense it was a little more difficult.

And the playing this game a second time is more difficult. The original experience. I was so naive the first time. (NAIVE, YET YOU STILL WON THANKS TO MAMAKIM GIVING YOU THE MILLION) I was so excited and ready to take in everything it offered me. This time around, I have nothing to prove it's kind of like the icing on the cake. And I came here with every intention to win this game and do my best and try my hardest. But I got voted off and I am OK with that. I have the title of Survivor Africa champion and no one can take that away from me, no matter what I do from this point on the rest of my life, I have that. And that's a good feeling. (LUCKY THAT A STUPID PIERCINGS QUESTION SCREWED OVER THE MORE-DESERVING WINNER LEX)

CUT

Playing this game a second time, and I don't want to take anything away from people who are playing it hard, but for me, personally, it was definitely a different experience. It was difficult, because you knew what to expect, you knew what was going to happen, and you had to find strength to carry on.

It was like the icing on the cake for me. If I had done really well, oh my God, it would have been fantastic. If I did OK, it wouldn't be bad because I have a life to go back to. You know, I have grass roots soccer (AS OPPOSED TO THE GRASS THAT RYAN SHOULDERS SMOKES IN HIS BASEMENT).

I have created a life outside of Survivor, so that if this game is over for me in 21 days, I'm OK with that. Just cuz, it is a game.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT AN AVERAGE DAY IN THE "EXCITING LIFE OF ETHAN"

-- Wake up on bed made of money. (Sorry Lex).
-- Wake girlfriend Jenna Morasca up with a sniff of peanut butter.
-- Call MamaKim at the nursing home and tell her how much you thank her for the million dollars. When she tries to talk, quickly hang up.
-- Answer phone call from Rob Cesternino. He's calling for the 1,000th time begging to hang out. Make cell-phone static noises and say, "can't hear you." Hang up quickly.
-- Clarence is visiting New York. Better set the burglar alarm.
-- Make public appearance at Toro snowblower dealer. 15 people show up. They all look like Big Tom, and 10 of them are women!
-- Drive in Mercedes to orphanage. Kick soccer ball to kid. Have public relations photographer snap a photo. Be proud that you are so charitable.
-- Coach JV girls high school soccer team. (Hey, it's the best job you could find).
-- Go to 76ers basketball game.
-- Get booed.
-- Go to Major League Soccer game. Hang out with the three other fans in the stadium. Watch exciting 0-0 tie. Wonder why the rest of America is missing out on this exciting sport.
-- But some low-fat Jif for Jenna M on the way home. (Don't want her to get chunky now, would you?)
-- Uh oh, Jenna's talking to IQ powerhouse Heidi. Heidi wants Jenna's help studying for her urine test tomorrow. This could take awhile.
-- Watch tape of Episode 1 of Survivor Africa. Marvel at shining star everytime your face appears on screen.
-- Logon to Survivor message board. Write in all Orange text. "Oh Ethan is so great!"
-- Read Markopolo's Survivor Insider Transcript. These jokes suck.
-- Time to bicycle kick Jenna.
-- Seven seconds later....sleep.

OK BACK TO THE CLIP

The first time around, it was a game, but it was my life. I'd do anything to win that game. And if I had gotten voted off, I would have been crushed. But this time, it's kind of like, I'm OK with it. There's some solace in that I played the game the way I wanted to play. I didn't conform to being a jerk or an evil guy. I'm proud of that and I feel good. And that's about it.