Episode 9 starts with the departures of the remaining teams from a temple in remote India:

The Festers leave first at 4:50pm with Frank/Margarite and Rob/Brennan all leaving within the next twenty minutes. The task is to take a bus or train 300 miles to New Delhi. Then fly to Bangkok, Thailand and go to the Temple of Dawn. Kevin whispers to Nancy that the fast forward is located where the Buddha reclines. Guido and Momily leave at 8:35 and 8:37, respectively, both with plans to go for the fast forward.

The Festers check out the bus and train schedules and decide to take the faster bus to New Delhi. "Kevin, are you buying a house or bus tickets?" The bus station is crowded with men, boys, cattle and the odd monkey seeking to get to a popular destination, out of this town. They trail the Festers around the station like kids following clowns in a circus parade. Drew asks if anyone speaks English. In an international incident moment, a helpful man with an accent like the guy pulling slurpees on the Simpsons asks for the Festers, in English, "How much is the ticket to New Delhi?" The Festers board a squeaky bus bound for New Delhi. Quote Drew: "It's gonna squeak all the way? Just shoot me now?" No, but we'll shave your head if you don't behave.

In a standard episode feature, Frank argues with the cab driver about the requested fare at the train station and pays 20% of what the unhappy driver wanted. R/B don their bandannas as face masks after boarding the train in their reenactment of the famous scene from "The Great Train Robbery".

Three hours later, Team Guido and Momily show up at the bus station to make their way toward Bangkok and the fast forward. There, Emily passes up an excellent opportunity to bond with the natives and earn a few rupees to supplement their meager cash supplies. Apparently bus stations all over the world are very much alike. Emily giggles like a teenage girl meeting Justin Timberlake while her Mommy drags her away from the barely intelligible propositioner. In the background, someone is yelling about the condom machine in the men's room being broken.

Due to the meandering route of the train, all teams arrive at the airport within an hour of each other. There's a mad scramble to catch the earliest planes which Fester and Guido win but which does them no good because both the Temples close at six and no team arrived before closing time. So the Festers seven hour lead over R/B and Momily is nullified. In Bangkok, the Festers ask for directions to a hotel from a stressed local "Relax, it's not the $64,000 question, yet" and check into palatial digs at the Royal Hotel.

F/M and R/B go to the Temple of Dawn and sleep on the grounds. Team Guido is sitting on the grounds relaxing outside the Temple of the Reclining Buddha until Joe gets a whiff of something foul. It's Momily rounding the corner to sleep on the grounds also in search of the fast forward. Momily finds a rest spot and strategizes. A depressed Emily fears losing again to perpetual winners Guido. Nancy is optimistic and wants to "Go for it." Apparently fearing elimination, Nancy is working on her next gig, an athletic shoe endorsement. The slogan's not quite right, but neither is Nancy.

As sunrise breaks over the Temple of Dawn, Rob's wake up call in Bangkok is a stray puppy licking his face. Sweet. On the cab ride from the hotel, Drew hopes no one will be at the temple and they've maintained their lead. Of course, everyone is there, waiting for the temple to open. They learn the next task is a detour to a tiger sanctuary at a Buddhist monastery in Kanchanaburi. They can take a slow nearby public bus or find the private car assigned to their team hidden on one of the nearby streets using only the license plate number. F/M find the private car quickly while R/B go to the bus station. The Festers look for their car.

At the Temple of the Reclining Fattie, oops Buddha, Joe wailed, "Oh why couldn't the fast forward have been hidden in some dark hole at the Temple of the Sculpted, Fit and Erotic Buddha." No such luck. Instead, the teams have to fill each of the 108 pots in the temple with coins obtained from bowls at the alter. The exciting trick is that most of the bowls have more or less than 108 coins and the teams must keep redoing the exercise until a bowl with exactly 108 coins is found. Guido's first bowl has too few coins, Momily's has too many; Guido's second bowl-too many, same for Momily; third try Guido's-too many, Momily - too few. Does this sound exciting because it involves pot and money? It's about as interesting as watching a chain-smoking old lady on a walker feed the slots at Cherokee Indian Casino. Why couldn't they do a challenge shooting ping-pong balls at a target like the lady in "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"? Brunette Guido is getting very excited near the end of one of their runs and jumps up and down like a little girl. Finally, on the fourth try, the Guidos find a bowl that is just right and win their porridge. Nancy is very gracious and she and Emily congratulate them on a good game. The Guidos, in turn, courteously tell them the fastest way to the Temple of Dawn is to take a water taxi across the river. The fast forward directs the Guidos 500 miles south of Bangkok to Tiger Cave Temple in Krabi.

The Festers have spent two hours searching for their private car and bickering. Kevin argues that they're at the west gate because it faces west (he's the logical one) and it's the only exit from the temple. Knowing that the loser on the fast forward pass would soon be arriving, the two abandon the car search and head for the bus station. Guess who also is at the bus station? Not the guy who propositioned Emily! It's team Guido buying their bus tickets for Krabi. The Festers hear of their victory in the acquisition of the fast forward pass and lament Momily's loss to "those idiots" on the bus. They prepare for the "brawl for it all".

Momily has obtained the route marker and are determined to find the private car. They wander further and further away from the Temple. Guido has taken a cab from the bus station and are looking for a cheap hotel to kill time drinking iced tea, showering and lounging in air-conditioned splendor until the 6pm bus to Krabi leaves in 8 hours. Bangcock and time to kill. Yeah, sipping iced tea is the first thing that pops into my head. Hey, get that image out of my head! This explains why they never have any money for taxis. How do you say den of inequity in Thai?

Meanwhile, Momily is still walking the streets of Bankok, frustrated, asking for directions, pantomiming walking and being trapped in a box to passerbys. Emily asks a soldier for assistance but instead gives him collegiate advice by yelling "Screw U" when he ignores her and her big #####. Hard to believe this is the same girl who giggled after being offered money for sex. The soldier, graciously, does not pound her head into the pavement with his rifle butt before her horrified mother, but allows them to continue their odyssey. They wander into new parts of town. Past market stalls of floundering fish and vendors selling odoriferous wares. Nancy is overcome with the ichthyologic symbology of it all and gets a case of the vapors. Emily suggests "Stop breathing." After two hours of fruitless meandering, Nancy is ready to hire a cab or a small donkey to Kanchanaburi. She doesn't care if they're disqualified or not so long as they're headed toward a destination less pungent. Emily resists but finally agrees to hire the cab. They do not properly complete the detour.

Frank and Margarite arrive at the tiger sanctuary in Kanchanaburi. Frank agrees to perform the roadblock for cat lovers which involves retrieving the next route marker from a clay pot at the far end of a pit filled with chained tigers. The tigers have been raised by monks but can behave erratically with strangers. The contestants will don red monk robes before crossing the pit.

Frank crossed the pit slowly but is followed by a curious tiger about the size of a labrador retriever who playfully swats at Frank's legs. Frank continues carefully out of the tiger's leash range and picks up the route marker to the Tiger Cave Temple in Krabi. He and Margarite get in a cab and head to the train station.

Rob and Brennan are next at the sanctuary and Rob agrees to cross the tiger pit. He is wearing a flesh colored bandanna on his head that makes it look like the plastic model of the human brain on my high school biology teacher's desk. He may be trying to simulate the shaved head of the monks. Creepy. I'm liking this guy more every day. He strolls briskly through the tiger pit like he is looking for his car in the mall parking lot on a chilly day. There are lots of shots of snarling tigers, but never with any of the contestants in the frame. The tigers in the shots with the contestants look like they're starring in "Help" and someone just hummed the 'Ode to Joy' from Beethoven's ninth symphony. R/B hire a profession driver for the 700 mile trip to Krabi while F/M argue about whether the contestant finances will allow it. Frank finally listens to her and they too hire a driver.

The Festers arrive at the tiger monastery at 12:01pm with Drew agreeing to do the roadblock due to Kevin's dislike of pussies. Not the only team with this issue. Drew states he has to step wisely, and Kevin replies that if you have to do anything wisely we're in trouble. "Do me a favor," says Kevin "take your time, it's no big hurry". "There's big tigers down, here," says Drew. Fester, faster. A tiger swipes repeatedly at Drew's shoes and he responses by never turning his back on any of the cats and practically bowing to them while retrieving the route marker from the clay pot. Drew brags he was like Barishnikov in the tiger pit and Kevin laments that he didn't shoot Drew earlier on the squeaky bus when he was asking for it. Back in Bangkok, the Guidos board their bus for the eleven hour journey to Krabi.

Emily and Mom arrive at the tiger pit where Emily tiptoes through the tigers taking great care to never step on their leashes. She dethroned Drew of his Barishnikov crown. Did the detour specify that if you stepped on a tiger's leash your face got ripped off? Momily head for Krabi, too.

At Karabi, Rob and Brennan are the first team to arrive and wait for the next team which is F/M. Margarite wonders where is the fast forward? The Festers race into the temple third and Momily shows up hours later. Everyone was napping. Rob hugs Nancy then he, Brennan and Kevin stand around shirtless with Momily discussing what happened. Did I mention how good Rob looks without his shirt on? Oh, Mama! Forget about the fast forward, where's the rewind? Kevin's personality must be affecting my eyesight cause I think he is looking pretty good too.

As dawn breaks over the monastery, the Guidos arrive from their long bus trip and start looking for the funicular up the mountain. They notice a lot of shoes at the temple already, unusual since they thought they'd be first with the fast forward. Blonde Guido has a priceless expression on his face as though he has been thwacked repeatedly with those shoes when he sees Momily watching and the host waiting for them. Phil sits Momily and Guido at the table to explain that although Guido arrived last, Momily has to be assessed a 24 hour penalty because of the intentional detour violation and that means they, not Guido, are eliminated. Emily cries and Nancy takes the blame for giving up too soon. Guido is very sweet and comforting (not as charming as Rob shirtless, but…) Nancy and Emily discuss how they have not always been this close and feel like they owe a lot of that to the game. Nancy says because of it, she feels like the luckiest Mother in the world. Their story ends with them finally beating Guido but still being eliminated. Then they walk out of the temple in each other arms. Okay, everybody feel free to tear up.

Next week: R/B lose some of their lead and the Guidos gain ground on the bickering Festers while blonde Guido wears a stupid hat.