LAST EDITED ON 11-22-05 AT 12:37 PM (EST)
(whisper) Here we are folks, at the Loser Lodge Olympics held Down Under in Sunny Tasmania. We are in the the finals of the penis measuring event.
The Crowd is very quiet, you could hear a pin drop........
And it's Amy by a nose!!!
The crowd is stunned for a moment, then goes crazy. Every knows that those Baastan chicks have huevos grandes, but this, this is a new twist, and, really, quite a stunner. The crowd is very appreciative and rewards their hero with sustained cheering.
Her comment to the press following the judging was, "Well it's big compared to these teeny-weenies, but, if ole Haggenbloomer Haawkans (or whoaaver he is) was here, well, lets just say that he wore those long pants and extra long shorts for a reason, know what I mean?"
Unfortunately, Jaime had been disqualified when it was revealed that he used an illegal measuring unit, the centimeter (which, incidently, explains a lot).
They escorted him to jail because he broke the "exaggerating the length of your pecker" law, and this is a felony at the Tasmanian Loser Lodge.
His only comment before leaving was "Whaaaa? I've been using the wrong side of the ruler all this time?"
If there was an event for Bozoness, Jaime would occupy first, second, AND third spots on the podium.
Then Brian had to be quietly ushered from the competition when he was also found to be using the wrong unit - someone else's - who, ironically, porque él no tiene tarjeta verde, was also illegal.
(whispering again) Now, we move onto the "Timed talking to a bud while peeing with no hands distance event".
OH! OH! NO... the Favorite, Brandon, is disqualified for peeing on Blake. Blake disappeared into the nurses tent and began to vomit!!! Annnnnddd......the clock expired, he is disqualified.
Brain makes his last attempt..... but, as before, he goes wide right... apparently an anatomical thing with him.
And Amy wins again!!!
The crowd erupts once again, causing Amy to squirt herself a little, but the clock had already run out and she was delared the Winner!!!
She used a reverse stance she perfected in the Jungles of Guatamala. And she gave credit to Judd who taught her the "Moon the jungle wildlife with your hairy A$$" technique which she adapted to this competition.
Folks, this is history you have witnessed, the first Double Medal winner in Loser Lodge Olympics history, and the first woman to win a penis measuring contest.
Next Event (ironically for Blake) is prolonged projectile vomiting, where distance, duration, and, especially denial, are all counted .........
OK, in this fantasy, all S11 Losers are housed together in Tasmania. Just in case there are any technical detail Nazis out there!
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