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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
encouraged to read the
complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV"
Bebo 21083 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 07:44 AM (EST)
 
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"Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
Let's remember what brought most of us here in the first place - reality TV. While some may mock it as vapid and an assault on television writers, I see it as a vessel for learning valuable life lessons. Here are but a few of the important lessons I've learned just this week (and it's only Wednesday morning):- If a big burly guy says he wants to be a chef, he's probably just a homesick crybaby. Especially if he's never been away from his family or has decided not to eat.
- If you've ever been called Screech, there's probably a good reason. And a good reason that warrants medication, sedation, and probably confinement to a rubber room.
- Tree horror movies? Not scary.
- Don't judge the sanitation grade of the chef by the smell of Waffle House hash browns.
- Spooning nacho cheese out of a jar and putting it on store bought tortilla chips does not make you a chef. I thought my husband was just in a bad mood when he yelled that at me, but he's not the only person who feels this way. Last week I learned that other pirates like nice pirates who share. I made sure my almost-3-year-old found out about that, so that we can ask ourselves "What would pirates do?" whenever we're faced with a tough moral dilemma. We also talk in accents now whenever we put on a jacket. Of course, it doesn't surprise me that reality TV is a plethora of gosh darn good advice. Where else would I have learned that a roadblock is a task only one person can perform, and a detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons? The tribe has spoken.
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Lasann 3616 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge"
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06-20-07, 08:48 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
And to wash my hands after using the toliet and before mixing a salad with my hands.
Sharnina has outdone herself this time!
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Lasann 3616 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge"
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06-20-07, 08:49 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
OH, and making love to a camera will get you what you want.
Sharnina has outdone herself this time!
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Lasann 3616 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge"
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06-20-07, 08:51 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
And, even though your partner is a morally vacant, blond turd man, you can still give him the win.
Sharnina has outdone herself this time!
The commercial says JULY 5.
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CTgirl 8013 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 08:58 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
And some people will even vote for you!
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Lasann 3616 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge"
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06-20-07, 09:59 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
Maybe he'll loose his house and come stay with you.
Sharnina has outdone herself this time!
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Lasann 3616 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge"
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06-20-07, 10:18 AM (EST)
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21. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
Didn't he imply on CFC that he has a "Tommy Lee"?
Sharnina has outdone herself this time!
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Snidget 44369 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 10:28 AM (EST)
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23. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-20-07 AT 10:52 AM (EST)Didn't he use a stunt richard for the film? While Dustin is a humangous richard, I am not convinced he has one. 
Summertribe and the living is easy!
ETD a G that I swore I deleted before I hit ost
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Snidget 44369 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 10:14 AM (EST)
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19. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-20-07 AT 10:17 AM (EST)-That when you use the chicken setting on the microwave pressing 1 for amount does not mean 1 whole chicken with veggies crammed into every oriface -Any food imaginable can be made into a foam. -The producers of AI can cast for talent, but usually chose not to. (If you can find 20 people who can dance you can find 24 people who can sing) -Mirnese/Mirenglish should be banned by international treaty -Knights of yore were short, but not that short. -No one should ever point a camera at Dustin Diamond ever again.
Summertribe and the living is easy!
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Dakota 5819 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 10:34 AM (EST)
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24. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
I've learned: - taking your clothes off for peanut butter gives you a 50/50 chance of winning a million. - if it walks like a level 3 psychotic and talks like a level 3 psychotic, it probably is a level 3 psychotic. Keep the knives away. - hooking up with a doctor is not necessarily a good thing. - all parents should teach their children how to swim which will help them on Survivor and Battle of the Reality Stars. Otherwise they'll be forced to go on The Bachelor and Surreal Life. - Pretend phones are somehow better than coconut phones. 
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AyaK 10426 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 11:16 AM (EST)
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36. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
Tim deserves credit for the best all-purpose reality TV saying....
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jbug 17146 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 10:58 AM (EST)
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30. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
That walking around nekkid can win you a million dollars (but you may also have to be gay for this to work).That one CAN find lvoe on a reality show. That a skateboard is a pretty dumb thing to take to the beach. That 'rapido' means fast in any country. That just because your mommy calls you 'sexy' doesn't mean you really are or that you can dance. That RTV voters usually do not base their votes on talent but more on personality or looks. That even if you sing as badly as W Hung, some producer will make a laughing stock out of you use you to make a few $$. 
Handcrafted by RollDdice
Thanks Bebo, this is fun!
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Estee 57126 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 11:04 AM (EST)
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33. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-20-07 AT 11:06 AM (EST)* Don't lie more than you absolutely have to. * If at all possible, lie by omission. It's hard for people to accuse you based on things you never said. * However, do try to get away with one lie before you go. If nothing else, it's traditional. * You are operating in a giant puzzle with mobile pieces that are going to be changing their minds about just where, how, and if they fit. There's no picture on the box and someone stole the instructions. But if you just manage to figure out that you're working on a puzzle before anyone else does, you've won. Actually putting it together is just a formality... * Other people's actions are going to influence yours. No plan ever completely survived first contact with one's enemies or allies. Recognize it, adjust, move on. * Know what they're going to do before they do. Then try to use it. * Let them think they're using you. It's easier that way. * You are at the mercy of the game's rules. The game is at the mercy of how you choose to interpret the rules. * Leaders die. Followers get dumped. The one hiding behind the throne and whispering subconscious instructions generally lives through the revolution. * Your best weapons are other people's assumptions. * You can do one more. * Hold something back physically until you need it, hold something back mentally until the time is right, hold most of it back emotionally until it's over. It's only a game. Don't start taking it personally. * Expect everyone else to take it personally. * Anyone can see things that aren't there. It takes serious work to see things that are there. * Have a plan. Have a backup plan. Have a backup plan for the backup plan. Be ready to dump them all and improvise. * Don't quit. Ever. 
I expect the sarcastic/joking ones to show up in about two hours.
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mattben 1265 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson"
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06-23-07, 07:12 AM (EST)
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69. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
As usual, Estee, you have very cogent learnings.
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qwertypie 9776 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-23-07, 10:47 AM (EST)
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70. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
Hey - I learned a new word today! 
BTW Welcome Mattben
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StarryLuna 4771 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 11:09 AM (EST)
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35. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
-I've learned that everything from the quit boat to the rats can have a theme song.-I've learned that Heidi Klum spends most of her life pregnant. -I've learned that Fox can make tv out of anything. Notice I didn't say good tv. -I've learned that it's okay to bend the rules by canceling another team's taxi, but it's not okay to follow the rules and yield a team. -I've learned that when I arrive in a foreign country, Phil Keoghan and a grandly dressed local person will greet me. 
It's a Syren kind of summer
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frodis 4442 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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06-20-07, 11:58 AM (EST)
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38. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
I've learned. . . . . . that the very best way to test my relationship is to leave my SO on an island with a dozen whores hotties DAWs while I go to another island with another dozen DAW's. I will pass judgement and hold his illicit activities against him, while my own illicit activities are just "in the moment." . . . always say yes to the fantasy suite invitation. A promise ring means "we will break up in three weeks." . . . the model will never pick the average Joe. Even the average Joe won't pick the average Joe(Jane). . . . Don't go on a hot air balloon ride with Richard Branson.
Summer fun, Sharnina-style!
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vince3 17341 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 12:06 PM (EST)
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40. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-20-07 AT 12:06 PM (EST)* How to scream really loud when MY.OX.IS.BROKEN! * You can give up an immunity idol if you have a real (or faked out) spare, provided that the other team doesn't know you passed it off...... * Never try to trust someone that either you, or your former alliance mates, treated like dirt. It will come back to haunt you! *Putting money as a carrot in front of a family (that only one member can win) is a really good way for them to never speak to each other again. * When you're down to three, the only person who is safe is the person who votes, no matter how close you are to that person. * In Reality TV, a coup/mutiny just.doesn't.work if you have to rely on everyone to do it or one who's an idiot to do it. * Being a leader without a majority is a recipie for disaster. * The concept of The Mole was killed by 9/11........ (only a stupid, non-traveling, celebrity version aired afterwards :shudder:) * Going on any RTV with any boyfriend/girlfriend to "see if the relationship can work" is pretty much a bad idea.... * Basing a RTV off of a movie? Bad Idea! * You can find the Next *just about anything* nowadays........
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FishWoman 1510 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Peanut Festival Grand Marshall"
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06-20-07, 12:21 PM (EST)
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42. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
Asians and gays are good people. Beauty queens are not. Janelle is fat. 
vintage couture by tribephyl
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brvnkrz 20491 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 12:23 PM (EST)
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43. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
Why you gotta be dissing Janelle? You're just gellus. Ya hater.
Celebrating Pride with Syren
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Sunny_Bunny 5597 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-20-07, 12:46 PM (EST)
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44. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
* I’ve learned that had I met Ra on a RTV show and used my feminine wiles to get to the final two, not only would I have gotten a husband, I would have gotten a million dollars whether or not I actually won the game, had a television station pay for our lavish wedding, AND been given a round the world honeymoon couched in the guise of being a contestant in yet another one of their games.* I’ve learned that I don’t need to know how to build a fire in order to survive, nor do I need to know how to swim to be a survivor, or a pirate. *I’ve learned that singing on a boat, ANY boat, will get me tossed off RTV. *I’ve learned that the more insane I act, the longer I will last in any competitive situation. *I’ve learned that the reason pirates talked funny, was due to enchanted coats or hats. *I’ve learned that pirates were such “forward thinkers” that they hid their treasures with the idea that years later groups of stupid people would “find” them. *I’ve learned that any man or woman who agrees to be pursued by 50 desperate, needy, rose bearing members of the opposite gender generally get exactly what they deserve. *I’ve learned that by being upstaged by the young and restless, being upstaged by a talking car, and then being upstaged by a buxom blonde bouncing on a beach with lifesaving equipment will one day make me the supreme judge of talent in America. *I’ve learned that nastier and ruder I become when I judge something, the more popular I will be.
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tribephyl 12393 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-21-07, 02:36 AM (EST)
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59. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
* Jeff Probst really is a good host. Countless others are not.* Speaking of Jeff, without his (and MB's input) I wouldn't have my moniker. Thanks guys. You've saved me countless hours writing summaries. * You don't have to audition to be on a reality show. Just hang out at the beach or a bar and inevitably a casting agent will find you. * Even though someone may have no interest in being on a reality show, they can still be fun to watch. * And conversely; Someone may be a devotee of the show, but that doesn't insure popularity or longevity. * Having actual talent for singing/dancing/filmmaking/clothesdesigning/cooking is a curse. Best to be untalented and strange. Added points if your face reminds people of an animal. * You can be popular one season and a big bloated and bitter head the next time around. (Stephenie, Rupert, The Festers, Shmirna, Nakomis, Danielle, Corbin Bernsen...) * Estee kills reality. And that's a good thing. the tribe has spoken.
Like anyone cares.
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arkiegrl 9421 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-22-07, 02:27 PM (EST)
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65. "RE: Everything I needed to know I learned from Reality TV" |
No thanks.
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AyaK 10426 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-22-07, 01:58 PM (EST)
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64. "...and..." |
...even if you've been head chef of a large restaurant and published a cookbook, there are actresses out there who think they can cook better than you.
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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Go Pack!
Summer by Sharnina!
