TARGAY Journal, Week Seven
By Larry JohnsonBy popular request, this is my SHORT weekly column on The Amazing Race 4, reminiscent of my critically-lauded series entitled Gay Survivor Journal. It will be posted here every weekend, and is a Basherboard exclusive! For more reality-TV rants, check my website at http://www.gaycomedyjournals.com
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
Despite knowing her new phobia of train passengers, Jon pinched Kelly on the ass, causing her to jump out of her skin. It was a funny moment, to be sure, but Kelly was pissed. Kelly whined about it for the next several minutes, while Jon laughed it off. So, who earns the attitude adjustment, annoying Jon or baby Kelly? You decide.
FASHION CITATION
It was a truly bad week for Jon and Al, who appeared in odd ensembles featuring baggy shorts, tight tank tops, and white-napkin do-rags. While Jon nearly had the body to pull off his tight white tank/navy short-shorts look, but Al was less-than-appealing in his blue tank and red shorts. Later, it was not a pretty sight when Al removed his muddy shirt to reveal the pudgy belly it was barely concealing. I know it’s hot, boys, but save the stripping for the Chippendales.
And as far as Chuck’s outfit, recycled from last week? I must reiterate that black socks, black shorts, and pasty white legs are never a good combo.
LOOK OF THE WEEK
It’s getting kind of redundant, but Look of the Week goes yet again to Reichen and Chip. On the train, Reichen looked sexy in his tight olive T and khaki cargo shorts, and Chip was no slouch himself in his navy T and olive shorts.
CULTURAL AWARENESS MOMENT OF THE WEEK
Was anyone else bizarrely attracted by the gaggle of young Indian men in tiny, brightly-colored wrap-skirts at the bull-racing roadblock? It reminded me of underground gay Hindu porn.
HONORABLE MENTION QUOTES OF THE WEEK
Chip (to Tian and Jaree, as they entered the Panvel Station): “Welcome to Fantasy Island.”
Jon (to Kelly, about Millie’s beauty mark): “I think the mole is growing throughout the race.”
Dave (in regards to the effect the rough elephant ride had on his crotch): “You feel it right up the old friendly family.”
BEST QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Kelly (also in regards to the elephant ride): “I got a chain up my cookie… my cookie is killing me!” (I’ve never heard it called a cookie. Despite the food reference, though, I’m still not interested in eating it.)
DIVA OF THE WEEK
Tian earns Diva of the Week for her mud-wrestling-mama moment. Everyone else who participated in the bull-racing Roadblock ended up looking like hell afterwards. Tian, on the other hand, looked hot as she sauntered out of the slop in her mud-soaked tank (which was barely holding in her perky breasts.) I nearly had a hetero moment watching her. As Jaree commented: “All that mud on you… that’s hot dude, totally hot.”
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Wonderful, as usual, Larry!
