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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
encouraged to read the
complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"WWOTD?"
weltek 16936 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 01:43 PM (EST)
 
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"WWOTD?" |
Yep, it's another edition of "What Would OT Do?"I have a pissed off coworker. She is (somewhat rightfully) pissed at the management here and knows her job is potentially being eliminated. She comes in here with new rants every week. I try to nod & just listen. Sometimes I offer suggestions, of which she never takes as she truly sees no support or solutions coming from anywhere. Yesterday was Super Rant 20005 over her performance review. I offered suggestions and she said I live in a sugar coated world in my department (as do a few other departments) and have no idea how it is for the rest of the people. Ouch. I got a little defensive at that comment and she apologized. Then she walked off mumbling about how she shouldn't have come to my office and complained. It was in the tone of "Nobody understands and why should I bother." What should my next move be? Should I send her a card with a note sympathizing with her stress, stop by her office and talk (ack, that's a hard one), or ignore it and wait for it to blow over? The tension will be tough if I don't do anything and see her in the hallway. I'm tired of her rants, but she IS in a bad situation. For that I feel terrible for her and know she needs to vent somewhere. She just refuses to look for another job or do anything about it, so it frustrates me. 
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Glow 14353 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 02:20 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: WWOTD?" |
^ "some people" ^
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brvnkrz 20491 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 02:56 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: WWOTD?" |
Me too. Still laughing weeks later.
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ARnutz 13937 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 02:21 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: WWOTD?" |
I agree with Boo, who agrees with Catt & Bravie. 
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dragonflies 8051 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 02:43 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: WWOTD?" |
Bravie, Catt, Boo and Nutzy are smaht, they are.
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Lasann 3616 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge"
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03-15-07, 02:04 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: WWOTD?" |
Bravie is right. Nothing irratates me more when I'm ranting about my kids and someone offers suggestions. I can be full of but... but...I'd just listen, but that's what I mostly do anyway.. I rarely offer advice. 
It a Tribe original!!!
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DebCapsFan 2747 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Survivor-themed Cruise Spokesperson"
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03-15-07, 02:35 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: WWOTD?" |
Well, the good news is you probably don't have to worry about it much longer.
Let her cool off.
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greenmonstah 10761 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 02:49 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: WWOTD?" |
Speak in incoherent phrases that almost sound empowering and smart. And then sit back and admire your brilliance.ie. "I think you are synergistically applying a retroactive method to your meta work enviroment." A few responses like this and she will go away.  
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Breezy 18380 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 02:53 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: WWOTD?" |
Throw a stress ball at her. *grin* Aim for the forehead.
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mysticwolf 10692 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 02:56 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: WWOTD?" |
I'm with the others on this. Like Frodis, I seemed to be the person folks liked to rant to, probably because I would listen to them. In a few cases, if it was something I might be able to do something about, I'd offer advice or intercede. Particularly when folks were losing jobs during the closure there were times that I made some calls to try to help them land something else within the company. In a few cases, I was even successful. I dunno if you're in a position to be able to do something like this for her, or not? If you are, you might want to tell her you've had an idea about a possible different fit for her and ask if she'd like you to make an initial call. Caution. If she's not someone that you can honestly say is a good employee, a keeper, don't put yourself in this position. Last thing you want to do is get someone else to take her & find out they've bought a problem person. Otherwise, I'd simply ignore it as though you never heard her mumblings. Either it'll blow over, or she'll hold a grudge & quit ranting to you. Either way, you win.  
Tribe sent springtime flowers! blogging's scary
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arkiegrl 9421 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 03:03 PM (EST)
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23. "RE: WWOTD?" |
*sits back and admires Monsty's brilliance*
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samboohoo 17173 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 03:16 PM (EST)
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28. "RE: WWOTD?" |
Does my napkin have a "B" monogram for Boo or an "S" for Samboohoo?I wouldn't want to use the wrong napkin.
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.
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samboohoo 17173 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 03:28 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: WWOTD?" |
Informal. Okay, so that means I can bring a bottle of ketchup to the table as well for my tater tots, right? We will have tater tots or some sort of hash brown goodness with our eggs, yes?We'd better not tell Bravie about this. She'd want to bring a carton of milk to the table.
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.
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geg6 14941 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 03:39 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: WWOTD?" |
I agree with pretty much everybody else on this. And it really does depend on how personally close you are to her.There is nothing you can do about her precarious job situation. It sounds as if part of it is the elimination of her job, which may not have anything to do with her performance of it. I'd make sympathetic noises and keep suggesting a job search, but...really...you can't make her do it. So I'd just keep saying the same thing and tune her excuses out. As for her performance review? I've never discussed mine with anyone I work with, ever. I find that rather TMI. And I would be telling her that in the nicest way possible. As for your losing your cool a little bit when she got hostile with you? Tough luck for her. I see no reason to apologize for it. She attacked you, remember. If you run into her and want to say something, I'd just say that what she had said had made you feel attacked. If you keep it to your own feelings and explain how it affected you, maybe she'll get a clue. And if she doesn't? Her loss. You're a wonderful person and she's the one who created the situation between the two of you. If she's smart, she'll realize that. *smooch*  
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EMTBGRL 2514 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Survivor-themed Cruise Spokesperson"
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03-15-07, 04:34 PM (EST)
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38. "RE: WWOTD?" |
If you are coworkers, and not personal friends:(shrug)
"I like my job. Now, if you excuse me, I have to get back to doing it." (turn around, and get back to work.) She's already told you that you live a PollyAnna life, and can't possibly understand her, anyway. That sounds like a BIG "off the hook" to me. If she persists in this behavior? I would look her straight in the eye, and say, "Yes, you've told me all this before. What I am unclear about is why you are telling ME." If THAT doesn't work? You have a manager, too. Go tell him/ her that this person is harassing you with their problems during working hours. That'll stop it. It IS a form of harassment if you have asked her to STOP and she is bothering you during work. I agree with Bravie, Geg, Monsty (most DEFINITELY Monsty-- complete with 5 lb. can of coffee) and all the other people with wisdom ^^^^^ Geg, you're right. Performance evaluations and salaries? I don't share, either. Definitely TMI. To me? It's like announcing you have a problem with incontinence to the poor sap who just walked up to the cafeteria line behind you. I said to the woman, "I really think he just wanted a sandwich." She got the message. Directness worked. NOTHING else would. Weltek, decide what YOU want from this person, and act accordingly. It sounds like what I would want is her AWAY from me. (You could always invite Bravie to come and *poot* repeatedly. That might work..)
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frisky 11695 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-15-07, 07:16 PM (EST)
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40. "RE: WWOTD?" |
This is the kind of crap that brings my claws out.As a bumbling, inept managewhore, I will venture a guess that one of the reasons your coworker is in this position is because of her attitude. If she were a star worker, they'd find a way to keep her even if her job were being "eliminated." I don't know what your workplace is like, but in many joints, elimination of the job is political-speak for elimination of the person. A bad attitude and pain in the butt gives me pause to ask "hmm...could we live without this position?" I think you are in the best place, Weltek. You've got her right where you want her -- away from you. 
Rolly made this.
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Denalio 904 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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03-16-07, 09:12 AM (EST)
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41. "RE: WWOTD?" |
I pretty much agree with the majority of posters here who say you really don't need to do anything more.I will offer this story: I once worked in an office with a wonderful manager who treated the staff in her department with trust and respect. Flexible hours, no time clock, and she was excellent in acknowledging our work. On the other side of the same building was another department run by a tight ass biddy control freak who sucked the joy out of everything. Time cards, rigid rules, and overbearing management. Guess which team got along with each other? Guess which side was full of petty bickering and angry venting? Because I was the new kid, I had to cross over to the gulag to cover the reception area phones at noon every day and one afternoon a week. I heard plenty of venting and truthfully, I felt sorry for them.
So sometimes it is the attitude of the workers and sometimes it might be the whole "the department head is a raving biotch" and it trickles down. And I heard plenty of whining and IMHO it was at least partially justified. All I could do is be empathetic. But it sure was not my responsibility, nor did I feel any ownership of the problem. So I am pretty much in agreement with the majority sentiment here, but just add that having some empathy and showing compassion (reasonably so) might be warranted.
But day after day after day? No thank you! She needs to move on and out. Good luck to you!
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true 9689 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-16-07, 09:19 AM (EST)
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42. "RE: WWOTD?" |
Life is too short to spend it listening to people whine and complain. Little irritates me more than people who spread their bad moods around *my* workplace. Tell her to "vent" at home to her family and friends, then ignore the negativitiy so she'll find someone else to annoy.
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samboohoo 17173 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-16-07, 03:40 PM (EST)
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49. "RE: WWOTD?" |
I think Arkie and I have offered the most balanced advice.And I think that is a good solution. *smooch*
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.
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EMTBGRL 2514 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Survivor-themed Cruise Spokesperson"
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03-18-07, 10:38 AM (EST)
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51. "RE: WWOTD?" |
I'm SORRY she's in
>this bad situation. I'm going to send her a
>card, just saying that I'm
>really SORRY about all this, >I'll also probably APOLOGIZE for
>trying to give advice when
>she just needed an ear. Weltek, It is apparent to me, throughout the year or so that I've been reading OT, that you are very kind. However, you are Too kind in this case imho. I just wanted to highlight how many times you were sorry about something that wasn't your fault. You owe nobody an apology from what you've shared with OT. Why be "sorry?" This woman made deliberate choices that has alienated a lot of people, and could have jeopardized your job, too. You said you went to your boss and it got nowhere. You tried. Therefore, You have nothing to "be sorry" for. The fact you are writing it in a card, instead of telling her this directly is a sign to me that you are also someone who has been "alienated" by her. Her rants are going to get a card from you? I can't help but wonder "Why?" If she hadn't also alienated you, you would just share with her, in person, that you'd like to continue to have lunch together, but would appreciate it if she'd change the subject. And leave it at that, and have lunch (she should buy, too.) ;) I am of the opinion that women apologize for things that aren't their fault far too often. I believe this is one of those times. Maybe you're bigger than me. But I calls it how I sees it. Of course, you do what you believe will be best for you in the end, because that's what we all want here on OT.
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