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"Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever.""
SherpaDave 8326 desperate attention whore postings
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04-20-04, 09:09 PM (EST)
 
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"Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
Worst.Summary.Ever.While trying to figure out what the hell to say about one of the dullest episodes of Survivor ever, I went back through some of the old summaries, including one in which I begged Mark Burnett to jump the shark. And just as that was a god-awful summary of a god-awful episode, I’m afraid you’re in for more of the same. And do you know why? Because it has not been several episodes since Survivor officially jumped the shark. Or rather, bit it. Seriously… has anything remotely of interest happened since Dicque took a mouthful of meat? I’m hard-pressed to think of an example. For me, all interest in the show pretty much ended the moment he got “bamboozled.” And now, here we are, several episodes later, having arrived at a point when “Survivor” not only has to compete with “Friends” for attention, but it’s not even the most interesting reality show on Thursday nights. Let’s take a look at what we probably should have been watching instead of or immediately following “Survivor,” shall we? On FOX, the pen salesman finally met his end and epileptics everywhere are pining that Joe Cocker’s apparent heir will twitch no more. What? That was dancing? Sorry, my bad. Following Survivor, we could have flipped over to NBC to learn that the best way to succeed in business is to a) not hire Omarosa, b) be a homophobic gossip-monger, c) not hire Omarosa, d) be the hot chick’s favorite instead of the old guy’s favorite, d) not hire Omarosa, or e) all of the above. Hmm. Perhaps I shouldn’t write this while taking care of my kids, since my five-year-old just saw “Omarosa” squiggly-red-underlined several times and proceeded to spell it aloud for me. I’m going to have to wash his mouth out with soap now. Unfortunately, one show that was not on was “Deep Sea Fishing with Richard Hatch.” I’d watch that. Frankly, I’d be all over watching him get drunk and trade scar stories with Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw. You know that somewhere Peter Bentley is salivating at the thought of a sequel featuring a fat, naked, gay shark hunter. Basically, what I’m saying is that “Survivor” ranked, at best, third out of the reality shows on the air on Thursday night. And I don’t get cable, so there’s a good chance there was a better episode of “Trading Spaces” or “Iron Chef” to punch up on most remotes. So if you haven’t figured it out by now, this isn’t going to be a very linear summary. I didn’t take notes since my kids were all over me. I did tape the show, but I can’t bring myself to actually watch it again. And really, we’ve pretty much seen everything that happened on this episode at least once before. So let’s just go over what we can without incurring a migraine. As Shakes so astutely pointed out, the show really ought to be titled “Boston Roblic.” Because the show is all Rob, all the time. And you gotta love the fact that he didn’t have to change his tattoo much for this season. Two extra words complete the inking: “I’m with.” Which brings me to a point I want to make: how were “All-Stars” chosen? Clearly, it wasn’t based on intelligence. Amber is outsmarting the other players. Let me repeat that. Amber is outsmarting the other players. This is hopelessly confusing to me and begs the question whether this is really “reality” television. Are there really seventeen people stupider than Amber in the United States? I guess there must be. It would certainly explain our current administration. I suppose I probably ought to say something about what actually happened in this particular episode. Well, it rained a lot at the beginning. Big surprise. We all knew things would be wet once Rob and Amber got back together. So everything before the first commercial break was about how awful the rain was. And I’ve already used up my quota of wet jokes. This was followed by a reward/immunity challenge, which was almost a stroke of Burnett genius, because it makes the winner appear to be even more of a challenge threat than he really is. And we know, as stated above, that these people are stupid, so they’re almost all certainly now thinking, “Rob is a huge threat. He won the reward AND the immunity challenge.” Unfortunately, they’re all too frightened of him to do anything about that. Apparently, Mariano sounds a lot like Soprano. Remember how fearful Lex and Kathy were about voting Amber off? Pathetic. So where was I before I started regressing into past episodes? Oh, yeah. The challenge. Obstacle course comprised of teams for reward of letters from home and then individual puzzle for the winning team members to vie for a video from home and immunity. I’d say who the winning reward team was, but it doesn’t matter because Rob “sacrificed” his video of his brother acting like an idiot so that everyone could get their letters from home and we could watch lots of weeping. Ugh. Rob commented that his brother would be pissed and I’d have to agree: from what little we saw, it seemed fairly clear that his brother was attempting to use the opportunity to audition for a role as Johnny Fairplay’s wrestling sidekick. Ah, well. Isn’t it time for someone’s grandmother to die yet? So then the scrambling begins to forestall the inevitable. And at this point, I’d like to relay a little story. When I lived in Chicago, I used to go to Lincoln Park Zoo on a fairly regular basis. And there was something fascinating about the monkey house. Every time I walked in—this is no lie, EVERY time—at the exact moment I reached the end of the hall, which was right in front of the chimps, the biggest male chimp raced down the littlest female chimp. You’d think this might’ve been a daily habit or something, but I went at all different times of the day. I’m not sure what this means, exactly—maybe I’m drenched in chimpanzee pheromones? Anyway… whenever big Papa Chimp caught Britney Chimp, he’d bend her over and bang her silly. It usually took about a minute and a half. When he finished, he went off and sat by himself while an older, fatter female chimp walked over to him and waved her butt in his face. The young female, by the way… well, I’m not going to go into what specifically she did except to say that she made it pretty clear she hadn’t enjoyed herself. Why in the hell are you telling us this, Sherps? Because American men are like that Papa Chimp. And Kathy never freaking figured this out. Back when she and Boston Rob were negotiating one-on-one, she fell for his rap hook, line, and sinker, even though it should have been obvious that he was only interested in Bolt-on Sarah. But did she learn? Nooooooooo. Here she is again, supposedly an all-star this time, and she’s fallen for his rap yet again, that he wants her to go with him to the end. And now she has the audacity to be upset that he engineered the voting off of her other ally? Silly Kathy. Papa Chimps like skinny girly chimps. Papa Chimps like Ambers. So yeah… Kathy tries to get others to vote off Britney Chimp, but it just ain’t happening. And we knew it wouldn’t happen. And the only thing of the remotest interest in the rest of the show is the fact that Lex is now attempting to channel Sid Vicious from the jury. And that’s about it, really. There’s only so much to say about an episode that was a foregone conclusion throughout and that used challenges we’ve already seen a half dozen times. My advice? There are only three episodes of “Friends” left. They’ll probably be a lot better than this. 
Criminals From the Neck Up † The Writers' Rendez-Vous † SmokeLong Quarterly
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dabo 26942 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-20-04, 09:47 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
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Ra_8secs 1081 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-20-04, 09:50 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
Oh, Sherpa, you carried the burden up the mountain as far as you could. We'll put a buff over the ice mound. Actually, you came up with some good stuff. Congrats for coming up with something witty that would fit into a commercial segment. LOL, SunnyBunny and I rewatched the show, trying like hell to finally come up w/ a Roving Reporter piece. But we still haven't. A.S.S. is the most boring Survivor ever. It's because the All-stares are completely playing to character from before, and most have learned that UTR wins. (Of course, Rob's the exception.) I think we should have a bonus finale of All-Star Survivor Animals. Magilla, Pelican Pete, whatever the embryonic bat's name was, Frank's elephant, etc. In fact, I may just open a Fanatics thread on that subject. Well, good try SherpaDave, but I agree, what the heck else can we make out of a sow's ear?   I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. -- Mark Twain
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Sunny_Bunny 5597 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-21-04, 12:04 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
LAST EDITED ON 04-21-04 AT 12:06 PM (EST)Dave, you did a fine job of taking our minds off of this horribly boring show. And I agree that the Chimp wanted you, but made do with the amber-chimp. LOL, SunnyBunny and I rewatched the show, trying like hell to finally come up w/ a Roving Reporter piece. But we still haven't. A.S.S. is the most boring Survivor ever. Have to agree with Ra on this one. LOL. Friday night:
"We have to write a roving ‘Bun, we have not done it yet, and we need too."
"Ok luv, you are right, lets try tomorrow." Saturday:
We watched together, took notes, snarked a bit, and came up empty. He went to play basketball, I stayed home and watched again. I came up with a bit of fun having Kathy run around trying to slap some sense into the other players, but that was about it. Then he came home, and watched while I went out to the race track to watch my son race. He managed the Hawkeye 10, but not the report. Sunday:
“Do you wanna watch the show again ‘Bun?” he asked over the morning tea.
“I would rather have a root canal with no anesthetic Ra.” “Well, we should try ‘Bun," he said with a glint. "We could watch upstairs…” We got inspired, just not about survivor. Most. Boring. Survivor. Ever? Yes. But it does have its positives. LOL
This show has not jumped the shark. It's been devoured by it.
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TeamJoisey 3558 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge"
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04-21-04, 01:09 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
Face it, doctor. You did all you could. **************** Actually Sherps, I thought it was great. No sense in dwelling on the antics of a lower species when you can tell a good chimp story. In fact, all future summaries should ignore the stupid show completely. 
I gotta get me some of that Britney Chimp!
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udg 3381 desperate attention whore postings
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04-21-04, 07:08 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
And you gotta love the fact that <Rob> didn’t have to change his tattoo much for this season. Two extra words complete the inking: “I’m with.”*giggle* Thanks, Sherps! ---
UDG
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AZ_Leo 3526 desperate attention whore postings
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04-21-04, 07:36 PM (EST)
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24. "RE: Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
Any one else see an analogy between Sherps chimp story and us? MB is the Papa Chimp, we are all Britney chimps and we always seem to let him catch us every Thursday night.
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Bebo 21083 desperate attention whore postings
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04-21-04, 11:50 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
*SMOOSH*Hi, remember me? I'm that crazy woman who's been off on another planet. I promise, I'm not deliberately avoiding you. I know you've wanted to tell a monkey story ever since you read my story about the woman breastfeeding a monkey. Glad the primates have given you a chance to channel that energy in such a productive manner. And about your son? If he's learn how to spell Omarosa, I hope soap will be enough.   Snarky, smart, S7 Anti-Bootee Champ
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magicskip 31 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
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04-21-04, 01:07 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: * "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
LAST EDITED ON 04-21-04 AT 01:19 PM (EST)Sorry folks, I didn't realize this thing had a censor -- I had to go back and edit out the <ahem> good parts. Anyway, the parts I changed are in the <angle brackets>, so you might have to use your imagination on those parts.
Hey, you called it. Is it rude of me to agree?
Sherps, I have to ask: is it possible that (and I mean this in only the best possible way) Papa Chimp saw you a competitor for the Alpha Male role in his chimp world? I can understand the defiling of the Britney Chimp, but why every time when YOU were there? Did he have something to prove? Some sort of competitive rite of establishing and maintaining the Alpha Chimp crown? And what of the Jerri Chimp? Waving it around for the Alpha Male only to get ignored, first by Colby, and then by Beta Male wannabe Alpha Male LessLess? But you called that one the Kathy... which only makes sense. Wow. They really are getting outsmarted by Lamber. OMG, <click> how dumb could this crew really be? But I really think you missed plenty of opportunities here, Sherps... You missed out on plenty of noteworthy items, like Jenna's kids doing sign language... What does it mean when the middle finger is raised, while the child is saying "Hey mommy, I want a million dollars NOW!" like that pudgy Beruca kid in the Willy Wonka movie. And like the other thread, what did all those comments about Rupert's wife *really* mean? And Big Tom's son -- dammit! BT already bred! That's ANOTHER generation with him still in the gene pool... His wife... Christ almighty, that's a woman and a half! Almost two full women! Rawb's brother -- holy sheeat, I can't believe Rawb is the SMART one in that family. Alicia's mom -- did she really say she had a hot cup of Ovaltine waiting for her little girl to come home, or was I imagining that? No wonder Alicia didn't want to see it -- geez Mom, it's just like high school, didja HAFTA embarrass me with the Ovaltine crap again?!? And then there's Lamber... you know, the one who's outsmarting everybody... holy god what a pathetic excuse for a video from home. That was like the sorority sister's backstab march while they smile in your face and take turns sleeping with your man while you're gone, only it's gone bad because Lamber's got a new man on the show. And is that a strategy or what? She's got a <lightning rod protector>, PLUS she's UTR at the same time! Damn, maybe she isn't as dumb as a <Rawb's brain location>. Speaking of which, I bet Little Lamber has a strategy all worked out for the endgame, too. Here goes: if she wins the million bucks, it's sayonara Rawbmeister, thanks for the money, you sorry <loser>!!! What do you mean, "us", "together"?!?!? Dude, it was a game and I played your sorry <small male organ>!!! If he wins, they'll be married within a month and divorced within two years, with her taking half of his million. If anybody else wins, she'll try to ride the celebrity <bus> as far as it goes. Or Jiffy Pop's comment during the obstacle course, "Big Tom takes a header"... he took a WHAT?!?!? And from whom? Of course, that team had no chance in the obstacle course -- neither Rupert nor Big Tom could even fit under the rope crawl thingy, while some of the others looked to have significant experience getting <down and dirty>. So, all the women folk on the winning side of the obstacle course action LET RAWB WIN the immunity thing. You know they did. To think otherwise is to think that somehow, Rawb used more logic than any of them in figuring out that simple puzzle. EPMB even showed that Alicia was basically done the stupid puzzle first, and just rearranged them again. Either she's THAT DUMB to not see it, or she was letting Rawb win... Hmmm... could go either way. Anyway, everybody knew Kathy was the dead woman... bring me your torch... blah blah blah... tribe has spoken... blah blah blah... for this round, so immunity wasn't really at stake. A pitcher of cocoa -- whoop-de-doo for a reward -- they all would have had to share that anyway. Which leaves the video as motivation... Their families & friends all proved already that they only know how to say "Duh, Hi!" to the camera, and how many times can one person either say or see "Duh, Hi!" before they don't care anymore? So that was no loss. And trading the video for the losers' letters was a no-brainer -- obviously, since even the Rawbfadduh thought of it. His brother couldn't even say "Duh, Hi!" and probably hadn't put any good porno on the video for his bro... so why bother? And then he scored big jury points by trading something he didn't want anyway. Duh! So this was the latest installment of "make the viewers like Rawb" by making him seem just SO nice to give up his video, and then to show him actually crying over his letter. Dude, save your crocodile tears. We know the cameraman was told to splash salt water in your eyes to make it look like you were crying, as if you gave a <aeronautical sex act> about seeing your <ferociously> stupid brother. Oh Sherps, you missed two other important parts of the summary: "Previously on Survivor" and "Next on Survivor" Let's see if I can fill in for you: Previously on A.S.S.: all the people who are even remotely interesting got voted off, mostly through their own stupidity, which is saying a lot considering the stupidity level of those remaining. Next on "A Very Special A.S.S.": Big Tom says a whole lot of stuff nobody understands. Rupert catches fish and whines about how being the provider is supposed to save him. Rawbfadduh beats his chest like a gorilla and tries to arrange a threesome with Lamber and Alicia. The chicks throw the challenge for the Rawbfadduh, and Rupert gets voted off. Or not. Still, Sherps, you had some really good stuff in there -- the whole chimp thing was hysterical. Thanks!
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Dakota 5819 desperate attention whore postings
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04-21-04, 06:12 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: Official Reality TV World Survivor Allstars Episode #11 Summary** "Worst.Summary.Ever."" |
>Worst.Summary.Ever.
>Following Survivor, we could have flipped
>over to NBC to learn
>that the best way to
>succeed in business is to
>a) not hire Omarosa, b)
>be a homophobic gossip-monger, c)
>not hire Omarosa, d) be
>the hot chick’s favorite instead
>of the old guy’s favorite,
>d) not hire Omarosa, or
>e) all of the above. LOL "You're Fired" winning out over "The Tribe Has Spoken" Maybe Jiffy and The Donald should try switching lines. >Unfortunately, one show that was not
>on was “Deep Sea Fishing
>with Richard Hatch.” Possibility. Did you miss cooking with Keith? (Wish I had!) how
>were “All-Stars” chosen? Clearly, it
>wasn’t based on intelligence. Amber
>is outsmarting the other players.
>Let me repeat that. Amber
>is outsmarting the other players.
>This is hopelessly confusing to
>me and begs the question
>whether this is really “reality”
>television. Are there really seventeen
>people stupider than Amber in
>the United States? I guess
>there must be. It would
>certainly explain our current administration. ROFL! >When I lived in Chicago, I
>used to go to Lincoln
>Park Zoo on a fairly
>regular basis. And there was
>something fascinating about the monkey
>house. Every time I walked
>in—this is no lie, EVERY
>time—at the exact moment I
>reached the end of the
>hall, which was right in
>front of the chimps, the
>biggest male chimp raced down
>the littlest female chimp.
>Why in the hell are you
>telling us this, Sherps? Because
>American men are like that
>Papa Chimp. And Kathy never
>freaking figured this out. Back
>when she and Boston Rob
>were negotiating one-on-one, she fell
>for his rap hook, line,
>and sinker, even though it
>should have been obvious that
>he was only interested in
>Bolt-on Sarah. Most of the women on SB knew this. But is it nature or nurture? DNA or societal norms? No matter. It's true. It's just plain true. Good summary Sherps. And if I get to Lincoln Park this summer, I'll be checking out the Great Apes (there's a new exhibit!!!) and thinking of you, Wab and Ambah. I wonder if Shakes has had this same experience? Hmmmmmmmmm. 
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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I can see it! I can see it! It's red! 
My favorite quote, out of many: "Are there really seventeen people stupider than Amber in the United States? I guess there must be. It would certainly explain our current administration." I'm still LMAO at that...
