Official RTVW Summary
The Apprentice 4
Episode 13
The Setup

Previously on the Apprentice:
Randal and Rebecca teamed up against Alla and Felisha in a contest to promote another worthless Microsoft rip-off of a smaller company’s innovative idea. Alla and Felisha were both trying to be lead dog for their pathetic effort while R&R worked smoothly to wow the automatons that were acting as Microsoft reps. When The Donald brought Alla and Felisha into the Board Room, R&R started placing bets on who would be fired. Felisha broke down in the Board Room after Alla gave her a noogie. Trump told Alla to stop being so mean. Then he said to Felisha that she’s a beautiful woman and that he’d like to make her his (where are we now, his fourth? fifth?) wife. But she’s not strong enough to make it in New York. When Alla started to get up, he yanked her down by her chain - a practical technique for getting any bitch to sit - and proceeded to tell her that she’s too tough for New York. She would be better suited in Tel Aviv, but Trump doesn’t have anything going on there because he has no desire to invest in the Jewish community. So, Trump fires them both. For those who haven’t been paying attention, that leaves Randal and Rebecca as the final two candidates for The Apprentice.

This recrap goes directly into the new stuff for this episode. Trump goes up to the apartment to tell R&R that he just blew his wad on the two blondes in the Board Room and he has nothing left for them. They are pleased and relieved.

Then DT informs them that they are the two final candidates out of a million applicants. As a reward, they are going to have dinner with Caroline and someone named George. There’s no info on why Bill won’t be attending the dinner. Trump recommends that they talk to Caroline and George to find out how to get into Trump’s pants…er…head. How to get into Trump’s head. Everyone knows how to get into Trump’s pants - a cheap bottle of wine and a promise to refrain from giggling when he gets nekkid. DT leaves and Rebecca gives Randal a sly look before they congratulate each other.

*queue music* Money, money, money, mo-ney. Monnney.

We come back from commercials to see Randal and Rebecca sit down for dinner with Caroline and some old guy who looks familiar. We are treated to a long look at the old man - George - while he stuffs his face with something that could have been pulled out of a crack in the sidewalk.

Randal is very happy that they have a chance to talk with Trump’s puppets and he asks what they can do. George lets them know that R&R will have to pick their team members for the final task. Those of you who stuck around from last season may remember that the final two candidates last time had their team members thrust upon them. This season, the candidates actually get to pick their team members. Just for the hell of it, it would have been nice if one of them had picked Markus. He was insightful and witty. But no, Markus was not one of those picked.

Randal opens the bidding with Josh, James and Mark. No they were not three of Jesus’ disciples, they were early-round losers in this contest. Rebecca sees his Josh and James and raises him a Chris. They trade off people like they were baseball cards. CLOSED CAPTIONING ALERT: At one point, Rebecca is talking about Chris, and the quote in closed captioning says, “I think that Chris was porn to both of us….” Check it out for yourself if you’re an unbeliever. Certainly, Trump didn’t know that there were subliminal messages about porn on his show. *wink**wink*

Rebecca takes Chris on a coin toss and keeps James. Her third selection is…Toral! Yay, we get to hear that self-aggrandizing bag of crap for one more episode! Randal ends up with Josh, Mark and Marshawn. When Caroline and George say “okay, those are your employees”, Rebecca looks as though she is going to throw up.

The next morning, Rebecca takes the call to meet Trump “downstairs” at 8:30. Randal says that he is ready to treat Rebecca like a competitor instead of a lover little sister. Rebecca says that she may be young but she has experience. The mind wonders what kind of experience she has….

In the Board Room, Trump asks how they feel. Randal talks about the death of his grandmother (which happened somewhere around the second episode). Rebecca talks about her broken ankle, toe, foot, whatever (which happened somewhere around episode three). Lots of drama this season. We won’t even talk about the fiasco when Trump tried to part his hair on the right.

Then DT gets down to assigning final tasks. Rebecca gets the Yahoo! All-star comedy benefit. The host? Joe Piscopo. Now, right there you know that Rebecca is in a serious hole. At his peak, Piscopo was a second-rate comedian. And that was 20 years ago. When you factor in the competing egos of any other comedians who only work when they get ahead of each other, then she has a real problem to work with. On top of that, the benefit is for a pediatric AIDS foundation. Just how the hell are you supposed to wrap a comedy jam around AIDS awareness? Well, that’s what Rebecca has to do.

Randal, on the other hand, gets a softball assignment. No, literally, a charity softball event hosted by Outback restaurants and benefiting autistic children. Now that sounds like a pretty easy assignment. Once again, Trump shows some favoritism for the male candidate.

At this time, Trump has the team members come in. How many of you were telepathically commanding Trump to make it lively and switch the teams around. Surely there were more than just two of us. Well, it didn’t work. Probably has something to do with the fact that this was a taped show. Try it again next week for the live event. Anyway, we are reminded of just who these losers are:
Randal’s team (Excel) - Josh, part of the “group of four“ that actually lost money selling baseball stuff in week 6; Mark, “group of four“; and Marshawn, one of two people fired in week eight because she wouldn’t present for the Star Wars display;
Rebecca’s team (Capital Edge) - James, “group of four“; Chris, who was dumped in week two when he couldn’t lead the men to victory with an ad for Lamborghini; and Toral, who was sent packing in week four because she was too good to wear a costume (that and the fact that she is a bitch).

As the teams head out to their respective job sites, Rebecca assigns one person a specific job - Toral - to be the accountant. Randal assigns jobs to all three of his team members right away. Josh says, “I’ll do whatever I can to help Randal win this. If I have to go through gravel, dirt, whatever. I’ll eat live bugs. He can have me dance naked on 42nd Street. Whatever. I love him. A kidney. I’ll give Randal my kidney if that’s what he needs.” Rebecca has no such testimonials from her team members. Most unfortunate quote of the night? James says, “Rebecca has so many moving parts she has to stay in front of.” She’s on crutches for crying out loud. Have some pity! Jim also says, “I’m here to beat Randal with Rebecca”. Hey, if you can lift her, swing away.

Randal’s group seems to get right to work, laying out their plan. The only odd thing is when one of them says, “this is perfect weather for a ballgame”. Ironic foreshadowing, perhaps?

Rebecca and James sit down with the top women of Yahoo!. Seriously, how does one work their way up in a company whose name is “yahoo” with an exclamation point? Almost certainly something that would get a person fired in any other company. Anyway, these Yahoo! chicks say that all of their important clients will be represented at the comedy event. Then one of the ladies says that they will be interested to see what Capital Edge can come up with because Yahoo! has never sponsored a charity event like this before. More on that problem later.

Excel meets with Allison Singer, the CEO of Autism Speaks and mother of an autistic child. Get yer violins and hankies out. She inspires the team so much that Josh says, “I’m going to give her more than 110%. I’m going to donate my DNA. I’m going to donate my wife and our unborn child to Allison. She is my new god and I denounce my sinful life as a follower of Randal”. Then he rips his shirt and starts babbling in tongues. It was really weird. Meanwhile, Allison says, “those punks better not stray from my message or there will be hell to pay”.

Back with Capital Edge, we see Chris and James walking the streets at night, talking about how excited they are. Before you jump to conclusions about their sexual leanings, they are on their way to meet Joe Piscopo. They have dinner with Joe. He isn’t funny. Piscopo says, “they call me Joey Benefit”. Yeah, because he relies on hand-outs.

When they get back to Rebecca and Toral, the girls are painting their nails and talking about boys. Rebecca confesses that she is much more tired than her team members are. Chris says that Randal will still have a hard time beating her.

The next morning, the entire Excel team is gathered to go get party supplies for the VIP suites at the softball tournament. Mark laments that he will have to reschedule his meeting with the radio station that is going to announce the game. The party supply store takes up so much time that Mark has to cancel the meeting altogether. Randal doesn’t seem to care.

Rebecca meets with Jake Glazier, the son of the namesake of the Elizabeth Glazier Pediatric AIDS foundation. He says that he’s pretty much the spokesperson. He needs a shave, a haircut, a clean shirt, a high school diploma and a baseball-cap-removal procedure, but otherwise he’s a great spokesperson.

Randal and Josh go to the park to meet with the CEO of Outback. After Randal runs down what they’re doing for the event the guy asks, “what if it rains?” This is the second mention of rain. Quite foreboding.

Capital Edge meets some more Yahoo! shrews ( that is definitely an oxymoron). These women say that they do not want a direct appeal for contributions at the comedy event. We are instantly reminded of what one of these women said earlier about never sponsoring this kind of charity event before. Anyone who had sponsored such a thing - or even gone to such a thing - would know that charity events are one big begfest. That’s how charities get a big chunk of their funding. They get people cornered in a big room and then guilt them into giving. Politicians have a similar method of raising cash, except they scare people into giving.

Meanwhile, Randal and Marshawn goof off while Mark busts his ass to get things ready for the game. When the CEO of Outback arrives, he sees what’s going on and he chews Randal out. Randal assures him that everything is going to go as planned.

Capital Edge gets one more problem to deal with: Joe Piscopo backs out. He blames his union arrangement, but in truth he is chickenshit. Now Capital Edge has to find someone as funny as Joe Piscopo to emcee the comedy event. In other words, this is not really a setback.

Randal and Mark work through the night to set up chairs. Why do they have to set up chairs inside a ballpark where a softball game is going to be played? Sorry, we can’t answer that. Instead, we’re going to listen to a local NY radio station which gives a forecast for rain the next day. Holy cow! All of that foreshadowing about the weather really meant something! Or does it? Perhaps we were just tuning in to the radio station that was blown off by Randal earlier and they want to mess with his head?

And that's where we leave off, boys and girls. Next week, on the live season finale of The Apprentice: Rebecca admits that she is a loser and Randal gets caught in the rain. And the Donald messes himself. Don’t miss it!

A Cyggie siggie!