Dude, I don't think you're gay, but after singing George Micheal and Michael Jackson songs and reading that your girlfriends publicist says you JUST FRIENDS, I have a suggestion.
After your performance next week, throw Paula on the judges table and have your way with her and remove all doubt, she won't resist, trust me.
At least that's what I would do if everyone was calling me gay.
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Then they could review his "performance"
Randy: Dude, you started a little slow, but you worked it out, you worked it out, not my favorite girl choice but I liked it.
Paula: What can I say I'm flabbergasted, you really NAILED IT, and here I was thinking you were gay!
Simon: Ace...I think you just booked your plane ticket home with that performance...dreadful.
MORE "REVIEWS" TO FOLLOW..................
Randy, Dude...Dude...Dude...Dude I didn't like that at all. It was just terrible for me dude, I thought I was back at auditions, it's like you were just doing this for the first time, I don't know dude, Paula, what did you think.
Paula, Well the fact that it took you 20 minutes and Elliott Yamin rubbing your back for you to get started threw me off a little bit. And I don't know why you screamed DAVID!! at the end, he was eliminated last week, well you must have been giving him a shout out. You know what, I love you and everything you do how about you try it again next week?
Simon, Ace, if you're going to have sex with one of the judges, you should pick one you're attracted to, like me or Randy, you may have some trouble this week considering it did take Elliot Yamin rubbing your back to even start your performance. If you do make it through how about you try something that fits you, like me or Randy?
Ryan, Simon,Simon,Simon, I'm not playing favorites here but I would love to be a part of Ace's performance next week, and so what if it took Elliott rubbing his back to be able to perform on Paula, do you have anything to constructive to offer?
Simon,I told him to do me or randy next week, something more his style
Ryan,ok,sorry, but I'd like to see him do me, I can't wait for rehearsals
RANDY: Alright,alright,alright...yeah...well..you know....DAWG POUND...We got a Hot One Tonight!!! Yo Ace, Ace, you've got some RANGE dawg I didn't know you could hit THAT, I've seen you do Elliott, I've seen you do David, but to see you do Paula, well that takes some talent. And the way you two harmonized on the falsettos at the end, yo that was HOT, Paula hasn't hit that note since 1985 Dawg, you did that thing right, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
PAULA: I'm flattered, really, the fact that you could do what you did to me tonight without another man rubbing your back shows just how talented you truly are and why you're NEEDED in this competition.
It took George Michael 2 men rubbing his back and another doing a reach-around for him to do what you did to me. You're better than the original. Randy, as far as that falsetto, was that me? I think I passed out there for a minute.
Simon: I disagree completely, it just wasn't believable. I've seen this performance a hundred times at a number of underground S&M clubs.
I could have been at any swinger club on any Saturday night and seen the exact same thing...sorry.