Please keep all sigpic-free discussion of Big Brother's production of Harry Potter And The Brain-Dead Hamsters on this thread until midnight EDT, by which time the West Coast will have finished lining up to return this copies. Did we really need to see Mike taking over Ivette's old role as Bellatrix LeStrange? 'I alone was faithful -- I alone was loyal -- I will be screwed over about all others...'

And then there's Dick trying to play Rufus Scrimgeour. 'It's not important to actually get the evil out of the house. What's important is that people believe I'm trying to get the evil out of the house. So if you could just drop by my HoH room every once in a while -- make it look like you support my program...'

Not that we're doing much better with Danielle as Lavender Brown. 'Oh, Nick-Nick!'

We probably shouldn't forget Zach cross-undressing into Dolores Umbridge. 'Pureblood? Halfblood? Mudblood? I just need to know which check mark to make before I creep you out anyway.'

Making Kail into Rita Skeeter is a little more sensible. 'How can anything I say possibly be wrong as long as it makes money?'

Of course, CBS won't put this on the air until they find a part for Julie. Unfortunately, that's probably Sybil Trelawny. 'I predict that your answer will be 'true' -- no, 'false' -- no, you are in great danger because I have no idea who won and I'm going to just pick a new HoH at random to cover it up...'

Number of copies sold: less than twelve million. Much, much less.