1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
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3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the
Tennessee Titans?
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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
enjoys it?
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5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
Hooters.
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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?
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7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?
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10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a racecar is not called a racist?
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11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final
exam.
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17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
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18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on
the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the
mail?
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19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
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20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
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22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
From Hooper, via Hal Braun.
RECENT SURVEYS
A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It was found
that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started
with the letter "T".
Examples of those days are as follows:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday
Thunday
_________________________________
A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the
middle of the night:
5% said it was to get a glass of water
12% said it was to go to the toilet
83% said it was to go home
"Winter Toast by JSlice"
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