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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
encouraged to read the
complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"Criminals From the Neck Up"
SherpaDave 8326 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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08-19-01, 02:38 AM (EST)
 
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"Criminals From the Neck Up" |
I had hoped to post our first announcement using a Criminals ID that we'll be sharing, but the login info hasn't hit my email yet. Anyway, as Kismet mentioned in her latest Eye in the Sky (thanks, Kis!), the Criminals From the Neck Up site is now up and running, and we're posting new stuff there as we write it. We'll be posting individual pieces here from time to time, since this Board is what got us started in the first place. We don't want to inundate the Boards, though, so we'll only be posting a few pieces now and then here, with the rest being only on the CFtNU site. Without further ado, here is one of the happier pieces we've written of late.At Last At last, Etta James came along and sang me into love with the world. Such a ponderous, unattainable thing. And yet, for a while, I possessed it, from the barely hidden areolae of a sweet romance to the screams of glee my youngest son threw out at me. Daddy, are you there? I see you, but you're drifting off in your love again. I smile. Yes, my darling Brahma baby, I see you. I hear you. Your love is bigger than my love of the world, and yet just a part of it. I see you. Daddy, I see you, too. Even when you drift away in your love of the world, when the sharp black edges of your pupils turn to fuzz, I still see you. And so I yell, happy, wanting you to come back from your love of the world and see me seeing you. Yes, my little Brahma baby, I come back, and my love falls down all around you, so much that I fear for your safety. But I'm strong, Daddy. Look at these eyes, Daddy. These are strong eyes. Yes, they are, my little Brahma baby. So blue and yet not so blue. Listen to this voice, Daddy. This is a strong voice. Yes, it is, my little Brahma baby. So loud, so happy, so void of any recorded language, and yet so clear. See my arms, Daddy? My legs? These are strong limbs. Yes, they are, my little Brahma baby. And yet, I know those very limbs will one day carry you away from me, will take those blue yet not so blue eyes to focus on your own love of the world, and all the pain attendant. Those limbs will carry your voice away, your voice at last having mastered a recorded language, but perhaps not so clear in its meanings. At last, my little Brahma baby, you'll be carried away on your own love of the world, and I'll be left with Etta James. 
http://www14.brinkster.com/dclapper/criminals/
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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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08-20-01, 11:21 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Criminals From the Neck Up" |
Yeah!!! What Lisa said!! LMAO! Show some support people! I mean... It's not like *I* have anything to do with it or anything... *giggles*BUMP! heehee! 
"We've trivialized the Vampire. I think it happened about the time 'Count Chocula' found its way to cereal boxes."
-F. Paul Wilson, author 'Midnight Mass' a vampire novella
Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska 
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Superman 3157 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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08-26-01, 06:14 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: Criminals From the Neck Up" |
WHERE is Supe's stuff?Fear not, little flamey hiney... My eyes and bio have been sent to Dave now. And as an added bonus, I've decided to bring the mood of the thresd down by posting another little something (yeah, I know. It's on the site, but so what?) "Breaking Down the Girl" Teased by the sweat and tainted by the stain. Hard work, it is, getting back on track. Plant my toes in mother Earth and flap my arms, to no avail. But I have taken root and am planning on staying. Flossing with fossils and crying over what remains. Vocal chords can't take anymore, blue faced for too many reasons. Wish away the boys she's known before and the men that
she'll know after, to no avail. With child she is, I feel, but the thought is too much to conceive. Break down the girl, break her down. Too long since I've touched her or not long enough. Untouched, am I, in any sense of the word. Maybe the fact that I don't care is what bothers me. I'm losing my feathers trying to turn back time, to no avail. Proud as the foolish peacock at one point. Struting and taunting and never stopping to think that neither of us could fly. Flapping.....flapping, nonetheless. Yet she stands firm, axis unmoved. Life continues on all around me and begins anew. Wash down the boy, wash him down. Try to cleanse him of our past, our sins, to no avail. Curdled water in the tub, spoiled and sour. Not his fault, but he's still damned. Love the bastard, I do, and see it as a weakness. His feathers not like mine. Wash him down. Unchanged, he is, of course and I hate myself for trying. It's for his own good, I think, or my own benefit. We share the shame she gave us, wrapped in skin and delivered to open, scalded arms. He feels it, much later and I know it well. His face shades of blue for too many reasons. He plants his toes deep, beside me and my tired wings, and slowly starts to flap his arms, to no avail. And I notice that our feathers aren't so different anymore, as our tears wash mother Earth away. Erosion of her epidermis. Break down the girl....son, break her down. 
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Criminals 19 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Got Milk? Spokesperson"
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08-23-01, 01:52 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: Criminals From the Neck Up" |
went on a serious crime spree in bars around Seattle about six years ago and then went into hiding until recently. On his latest rampage, the bulk of his crimes have been committed on commuter ferries between Seattle and Bremerton. Criminal influences include Natalie Goldberg, Haruki Murakami, Stuart Dybek, W.P. Kinsella, David James Duncan, and Richard Brautigan.
is considered extremely dangerous, and rumored to be a vampiress. Her offenses, too numerous to mention, mainly occured between the ages of 17-21. Now limits herself to crimes of passion.
has been sighted all over the country, but most recently in Virginia. This has been good for her writing but bad for her allergies. She is most often accused of an assault on the poetic form, although she has been known to shamelessly butcher prose as well. Wanted for merciless criticism and editing of other criminals' work, and display of an inordinate amount of thigh. Despite a long list of indictments, she vehemently protests any intentional wrongdoing.
One other criminal is also at large. No photos or biographical data is yet available. Notice who's clearly missing? Everyone give Supes a hard time until he gets his damned photo and bio submitted, okay? You KNOW you want to see his eyes.
http://www14.brinkster.com/dclapper/criminals/
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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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08-26-01, 04:51 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: Criminals From the Neck Up" |
Dave!! Everything looks great! *big hug* >>WHERE is Supe's stuff?
Fear not, little flamey hiney... My eyes and bio have been sent to Dave now. And as an added bonus, I've decided to bring the mood of the thresd down by posting another little something (yeah, I know. It's on the site, but so what?)<<<< Ahhhhh, so you have given him the eyes that know no depths, have you baby?? Good thing!! (Be careful, girls...You may become HIP-mo-tized. *wink*) Now... if we could just pin you down (ko-ching) to a Cornertime.... BTW: Love the piece!  
"We've trivialized the Vampire. I think it happened about the time 'Count Chocula' found its way to cereal boxes."
-F. Paul Wilson, author 'Midnight Mass' a vampire novella
Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska
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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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08-27-01, 08:58 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: Criminals From the Neck Up" |
*sigh* Lookie what I found!! *sigh*Sorry Dave.. I couldn't wait to dazzle them..
Be careful ladies.. Don't stare too long or you may just...*faints* 
"We've trivialized the Vampire. I think it happened about the time 'Count Chocula' found its way to cereal boxes."
-F. Paul Wilson, author 'Midnight Mass' a vampire novella
Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska
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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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08-27-01, 10:00 AM (EST)
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15. "RE: Criminals From the Neck Up" |
WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAT???!!???*faints... but before she does.. makes Buggy an eye doctor appointment*
"We've trivialized the Vampire. I think it happened about the time 'Count Chocula' found its way to cereal boxes."
-F. Paul Wilson, author 'Midnight Mass' a vampire novella
Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska
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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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08-27-01, 10:20 AM (EST)
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17. "RE: Criminals From the Neck Up" |
Hmmmmm.. I can see it Lisa... Try right clicking on the pic box, and then click on "show picture" I know it is a BMP.. and it SHOULD be a jpeg.. but for some stoopid reason.. I could not convert it..
"We've trivialized the Vampire. I think it happened about the time 'Count Chocula' found its way to cereal boxes."
-F. Paul Wilson, author 'Midnight Mass' a vampire novella
Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska
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moonbaby 17120 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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08-27-01, 02:05 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: Criminals From the Neck Up" |
There's something very wolf-like about those eyes now, Dave. And that ain't a bad thing! AAAAooooooOOOOOOO!!! However, I am now burning from that laser beam stare.....or is it just getting warm in here
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SherpaDave 8326 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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08-27-01, 02:10 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: Criminals From the Neck Up" |
Hmmm.... now wouldn't that be interesting? If Supes is a lyanthrope and Vamps is a vampiress... what happens when they bite each other?
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AyatollahKhomeini 2008 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Roller Coaster Inaugurator"
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08-27-01, 09:43 PM (EST)
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24. "The undead" |
I believe you can only get undead once. Therefore, such mutual gnawing-puncturing-etc. would have no effect. Sorry to deflate the image of constant form-shifting.
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Criminals 19 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Got Milk? Spokesperson"
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08-28-01, 02:10 PM (EST)
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25. "Lactose" |
Sorry to keep bumping this up and this'll be the last time for a while. After this, we'll typically post something new here every couple of weeks or so and confine the rest to the Criminals site itself. Also, a quick request before getting to the meat of this post: if anyone has suggestions for things they'd like to see on the Criminals site, any improvements that could be made to make the site more fun to visit, we're wildly open to hearing 'em. And this request goes out to everyone, from readers who want easier navigation to designers who have cool ideas or graphics. Thanks!To the reason for this post. A milestone! Supes and Sherps have written their first fully collaborative piece! Yay! In the future, hopefully this won't qualify as such an event, but right now, we're pretty excited to have actually built a piece together. And since the whole project started here, who better to share our excitement with? Anyway here it is: Lactose She paints her nails with powdered milk and scratches herself to the bone. "It's painful, but worth it." she tells herself. It leaves her nails dripping pink, powdery, beauty all over the bathroom floor. I don't mind, it is after all a color I can't remember seeing in this lifetime. She cleans it up and takes her bath. She bathes in cottage cheese, small curds of course. Ruining my towels, but I don't mind, they remind me of her. And we lie down for sleep now, her soured smell intoxicating me. Her eyelashes caked and curdled, but her poor arms... scratched and scared and bleeding. Fear, her main motivation for this, I guess. Fear of being a hunchback old woman. It's a high price to pay, in my opinion but Hell, I love to see her smile. I smiled through layers of loathing. Loathing him because I loved him, loathing him because I needed him. Every day. My loving, needing loathing deepened and I tried--oh, how I tried--to push him away. Tried to push him away because I knew his leaving would hurt me; knew, if he stayed too long, his leaving would kill me. Every day, I tried a little harder to push him away, tore myself further down, shredded my being in an attempt to repulse him. And still, he stayed. And still, my loving, needing loathing grew. Until. Until finally, in a spark of recognition, I knew. Knew that he needed me. Needed me as much as--no, more than--I needed him. I served his skewed sense of justice. And so I kept shredding myself. But now it was not to push him away, not because I so desperately needed him. Now it was to sate him, to feed his need, even as my own need turned to pride. Fast forward to our rocking chairs, our front porch and us. I reflect on the days gone by, as I stare at my love, her gray hair, deep eyes and drippy pink fingernails (I still love that color, even though it's old hat to me now) And her back as straight and strong as ever. Yeah, it's a high price to pay for being lactose intolerant, but it's made her happy, so I don't mind.
http://www14.brinkster.com/dclapper/criminals
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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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08-28-01, 09:00 PM (EST)
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26. "RE: Lactose" |
Bravo, gentlemen!!!!I know I haven't had a chance to respond to the both of you on this yet.. (ok.. I have had the chance, but.. ya know... LOL) I did tell you.. I think.. individually, how much I loved this final result. *promises to respond to all the e mails she has been wanting to, tonight.. ) Supe?? You know I loved it as it was, and I did indeed think that this was the right piece to collaborate with Dave on... and I really mean it when I say I loved the way the two of you are meshing...*tries to change positon in the Criminals cramped brain*
I am SO looking forward to reading more joint efforts!!! And I have to say, again, you both inspire me.. *hugs to you both* 
"I can't control you.. You can't control me. I need to feel this... Why's it evil, you and me?" Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska
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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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09-02-01, 03:26 PM (EST)
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27. "Reality Blurs" |
OK.. I figured what the heck. Tis the Labor Day weekend.. And you all are out and about, so I figured this would be a good time to sneak a little something of mine in. *grin*REALITY BLURSEyes open. Reality blurs.
Eyes shut. I see clearly.
The yellow and black swirl in amazing clarity, as I am suspended in the cyclone.
I claw at my skin to release the illusion.
I know if I open my eyes, I will return... but am powerless at the moment.
Faces... real, yet liquid.
I drink in an attempt to absorb them. Knowing my skin will bleed their souls. The yellow grows brighter. Sweat falls from my lip, onto my breast.
I struggle against the hallucination.
Eyes open. Reality blurs. 
"See, it's not about races...just places, faces...Where your blood
comes from is where your space is. I've seen the bright get duller... I'm not gonna spend my life being a color."
Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska
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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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09-05-01, 02:47 PM (EST)
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30. "RE: Reality Blurs" |
Vamp, I love this!
Amazing. ( you just had to mention your breasts? LOL)I am not one of the criminals, but I hope they don't mind if I post a Poem here of my own. Night I take in the cool of the night
The breeze brushes my skin
soothes me
I feel comfortable
day pressures drifting away
sounds of the night time
The insects and animals that live here
sing to me
I feel myself unwinding Suddenly
silence
my ears hear nothing
all has stilled
just beyond my sight
something
something stirs
I still my breath
as the tingles creep down my spine
prickling my skin
a shiver
and I fear
I fear
that whatever it is
will speak
I feel I will scream if it does
and then
it speaks
and it
it
says... Buggy LOOK at my EYES!!!!!! 
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samiam 5976 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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09-05-01, 05:33 PM (EST)
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31. "RE: Reality Blurs" |
Oh Buggy, I love this! It's just now I have to wipe the hot tea off the monitor. *Grin*
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VampKira 4433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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09-06-01, 07:48 AM (EST)
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32. "RE: Reality Blurs" |
Buggy!!!!!This was awesome!! You had me right up until the end!! An instant classic!!!!! ROTFLMMFAO! Just for you, Bug-A-BOO! *sprays on 8 repellant before she flashes her.....* Look at my eyes, Buggy...LOOK AT MY EYES!! 
"Come to me. Come to me because only I, and my like, can end the lonliness you feel." - The Vampire Lestat Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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