{{{Speaking with a French accent}}} Bonjour, Bachelorette fans. It is Fabrice. I know how excited you must be to hear from me. I thought I would give you all my side of the most recent episode. After all, I am the star; these other guys are just a sad bunch of losers.

First of all, all of us guys got invited to the park by Chris Harrison, and I guess Jen was there too, but I was more excited that Chris would be there. (Note from Greeneyes: In case you don’t know what I’m referring to, check out some of the information available on Fabrice on the internet. There is some very interesting stuff concerning his past and involvement with men.)

We had to do a 4 on 4 pick up basketball game, to possibly win time with Jen. Since I am Fabrice, and being so fabulous, was picked as a captain – I chose Ryan, John Paul, and Ben for my team. The other captain was the loser Jerry, he had Josh, Keith, and Wendell on his team. We played shirts versus skins. Unfortunately, I was not one who got to take my shirt off.

The game was quite rough, and there was lots of pushing, shoving, and falling, oh my! My team won 15 – 1. The other team was just pathetic. A one on one date was given to John Paul for being the highest scorer. I also one a date with Jen for scoring the lowest number of points. Of course, I scored the lowest, us French are lovers, not fighters.

All of the other men are just so jealous of me! I had the first date with Jen. We went to the Cotton Club in Harlem, and were serenaded by Vanessa Williams. I was just so dazzled by such a big star. I knew during this date that I had to turn on my charm so that I would be able to continue to be on the show, and help launch my show biz career, so I dug down in to my big bag of acting tricks, and tried to get some sympathy from Jen. We began talking about relationships. I told her about a woman that I dated for about seven months and totally broke my heart when she told me she didn’t love me anymore, I even was able to shed some tears with this story. Jen was so gullible. I also told her that I’m looking for someone to love me, and that I can love. I also told her that I can’t wait to have kids to be able to provide a stable environment that I never knew in my life. Again, more brownie points for me. Mon cherie, Jen is not going to know what hit her. She is going to be so in love with me. I will marry her, get what I need, and then divorce the little American – ha, ha, ha!

The dinner conversation was so good, that I just finally had to go in for a kiss, a French one, naturally. She was so into me. I can’t figure out why she pushed me away, must be because she doesn’t want to scare off the other guys with how into me she is quite yet. But I hugged her, and went in for another kiss. Again, she pushed me away, I was getting annoyed by this, but I’ll try to be cool about it. I’m just too much for her, she’ll get used to it later. The look on her face when I hugged her was one of just pure happiness and love, am I right?

Jen’s second date was with John Paul. He runs an investment management company. They redo old buildings and sell them for a profit. Sounds kind of dull to me. I mean, he lives in Oklahoma. Paris is so much better – I know that is why I will get the final rose, because Jen will not be able to resist the beautiful city. Anyway, their date consisted of going to a spa, and getting a massage. Darn, I wish I would have gotten that date, so I could have been fed some chocolate strawberries and seen John, oops, I mean Jen in a bathing suit. But John Paul really is a wimp; he would not even try to kiss her. He will be gone at the next rose ceremony. After all, I had the first date, no one else will ever compare to me.

The group date was going to the park again. Jen took Josh, Ryan, Keith, Jerry, Wendell, and Ben. This time, they had to play that sport that Americans call football. When will these people ever learn? The true football is what Americans call soccer. During this date, Josh, that stooopid boy, had some time alone with Jen. All he did was talk about himself, not trying to ask about her. Doesn’t he know that you have to stroke the ladies’ egos if you want to get very far. This is why I am so dazzling, and he is not. He thinks he will end up proposing to Jen, pffft. He may be cute, but what a delusional, stooopid boy. Luckily for Jen, Ryan broke into their conversation while trying to catch a football. Their conversation, from what I heard was just boring. She needs more excitement I think, she needs me, of course. Keith, may be a nice guy, but they are both too nervous around each other. It will never work for them. Jerry tried to be romantic, and took Jen out on the water in a row boat. They chatted for a while, and then they kissed, a very long kiss, and danced on the boat. Mon Dieu, am I in trouble? Jerry seems to be my chief rival around the house. I must think of something. I can’t let him get the upper hand. Wendell, thank goodness, broke up the little rendezvous. He got some one on one with Jen, and sent Jerry off with some bread to feed the little ducks. Other than that, Wendell’s alone time was uneventful. As for little Ben, I have no idea where he disappeared to at the park.

Then finally, it was almost time for the rose ceremony. Each of us got some more time to talk to Jen alone. Ben talked to Jen about a serious commitment, and also about being jealous while doing the show. Of course, he is jealous, he is competing with me, the amazing Fabrice. No other guy can compare. I’m not sure what she and Keith talked about, all I know is that he looked terrible – he had the worst five o’clock shadow, and looked like he was severely toasted. As for Jerry, he is such a sap! I can’t believe he actually said that in a relationship, there has to be a you, a me, and an us. What a load of crap! Where did he learn that from some self-help book or watching a few too many episodes of Oprah and Dr. Phil?

And last, and by no means least, I spoke with Jen alone. She seemed so distant lately, that I thought I had to grovel just a bit to remain in her good graces. What I won’t do to be seen more in the media. Anyway, I decided to provide a little gossip and insight on the other men. Mainly, in order, to try to take down Jerry. I told her that he is too much of a charmer, and is really only in it to win. Okay, maybe that sounds more like me, but I had to plant some seed of doubt in Jen’s mind. After that, I knew I would get a rose.

When the roses were handed out, she picked John Paul, Jerry (unfortunately, my plan did not work), Ryan, Ben, Wendell, and, of course, me.

Frankly, after the rose ceremony, I am so unimpressed with Jen. I am such a better person that to be receiving the sixth and last rose. If she is just going to test me like this, why was I there? After all, I’ve proven that I liked her, now she must do the same for me.

I can’t wait for the next rose ceremony, I’m going to shock everyone. They will be so blown away, by the wonderful me. The looks on their faces will be fabulous!

P.S. To the rest of the final eight – your little skit of me was so not funny. Yes, I may be all about the sex, and you had my personality down perfectly. But I still do not find it funny at all.