Jerry and the gang are back in his appartment and they are so happy : Neuman was voted out of the game last night.

I hate the new format that jumps right into the story. The show used to start with one of Jerry’s monologues and even if I didn’t always see a direct connection between it and the show, they were always funny. One of my all-time favorites was when Jerry talked about the female orgasm! He described it as a car accident : « You never see it coming, there’s a lot of screaming, you aren’t always facing the right way when it happens and you’re not even sure what happened. »

I think that one came before the episode where Jerry goes to get a rental car which is probably my favorite. The part with the poor lady handling the reservation is HILARIOUS. See, she has to tell Jerry that they don’t have the model he requested. Jerry doesn’t understand; he made a reservation and was told his car was ready but now they don’t have his car. The lady tries to explain that they do have a car not just the midsize he requested. Jerry counters: « But I had a reservation. I don’t think you know what a reservation means. » When she says she does, Jerry disagrees : « I don’t think you do because I’d have my car by now. See, you know how to take a reservation but you do not know how to HOLD a reservation. And that’s the important part, the holding of the reservation. »

The funniest part of the whole gag is watching Elaine’s face, She accompanied Jerry to the car rental office and she’s observing the whole thing and while she should be jupset that Jerry isn’t getting his car, she can’t help but crack up. She tries to stay the professional comedian she usually is but she simply can’t help it. She nearly loses it when, having finally agreed to the proposed car, Jerry agrees to the full insurance package because he’s « going to beat the crap out of that car. »

Anyway in this episode, the first monologue actually goes to Elaine who has had a boob job and his sporting blonde pig-tails. She says : « Tribal Council tonight was amazing. People were shocked and thought – Oh ! That’s really good. - I played an idol for Jerry and Neuman went home. »

We have a replay of the scene where Kramer snuffs Neuman’s torch. It’s funny because you know that, of all the members of the gang, Kramer is the only one that gets along with Neuman but Kramer wanted to play the game leader so he had to do his job.

After showing us the end of the scene where Elaine kicks Neuman in the a$$ to get him out of there faster , her monologue continues : «Nobody expected that. Even though, technically, I didn’t need to play my idol, I still don’t regret doing it. I made sure that me, Jerry and George are still together and that’s what the audience wants. »

Elaine even went on to explain the X and the fake idol she planted. The gang thought Elaine was BRILLIANT !

It’s funny that some viewers thought it was a dumb idea, What is more important ? Having a Survivor Basher bellyaching over what his mind can only see as a dumb ploy or the players themselves enjoying the trick ? The answer is so evident we’ll leave it at that.

George, who has grown quite the beard and went back to the toupée since last we saw him, actually does answer our question : « I always knew that Elaine was intelligent but now she is showing off to every body. And I must say I’m attracted to the new Elaine. »

Elaine even correctly guesses which of Jerry’s weekly girlfriend went home with the fake idol. It had to be the one that was called Sarah.

Wait... Which one was Sarah? That’s the problem now that I follow more like a casual viewer instead of digging deeply into the show. Wasn’t Sarah the one that always went around naked in the apartment ? Somehow that bothered Jerry who figured there was a good type of naked and a bad type of naked. I would have kept that one. Then again, I would have kept quite a few of his rejects.

Now George is telling us that he’s already passed infatuated and is now feeling intimidated by Elaine.

George was always afraid of Elaine, who it’s true, would knock the heck out of him just like she did to his father who dared her by asking if she wanted a piece of him. The scene cut with Elaine rushing Frank Costanza with her fists ready to hit because it was a family show after all. They couldn’t show Frank getting pummeled like Ernie Terrell when facing Muhammad Ali

Next up is Jerry’s flavor of the week, a girl named Jaime.

Right away a bad sign : She is wearing a red dress and everyone knows that the people wearing red uniforms are doomed, at least in Star Trek. I think I’m getting my shows confused... Let’s get back to Jaime’s monologue.

She says : « Elaine is an example of don’t judge a book by its cover. She looks like a sexy MILF with her big boobies and sexy pig-tails but Jerry is with me now and we have something real. Just like my idol... And my boobs! They were, err, are real, I mean. »

Geez, Jaime, couldn’t you have told that to a Survivor Basher I know ? He took exactly 5 seconds to judge Elaine. That was the length of time it took her to understand that the camera in her face and the microphone pointed in her direction meant she should start talking. Maybe, I don’t know, she was expecting a question.

It’s still the middle of the night at it seems that the gang is sleeping over at Jerry’s place. George’s fiancée, Susan, gets up and starts looking for something...

That leads us to Jerry’s first confessional of the evening : « Susan gets up, checks to see if there’s enough light and acts like she’s going to the bathroom. No, no, no : She’s looking for the wedding ring that George is too cheap to have gotten her yet. I immediately go to Elaine and tell her that Susan is looking for her ring and when she doesn’t find it we don’t want to be caught in the middle again. »

Jerry used to be funny; there was nothing funny in that monologue. Is Jerry losing it ?

Susan then shows her devious side: « I have a ring in my pocket and I will use it to force that SOB George to marry me but I’m still hoping to find the one he is supposed to have bought me by now. I even catch up to Jerry and Elaine and ask them for help. I say I lost my keys and they are so happy to help me find them, thinking I would leave as soon as I have them. »

We all know how messy Jerry’s apartment is so the search goes on for a long time. With both Susan’s keys and her ring in her pocket, the search had very little chance of succeeding.

With Susan and Elaine gone to the local watering hole, this new girl, Lauren, comes into the apartment to join her friend Jaime and our two heroes, Jerry and George. This girl is bold! Right away she suggests the two couples engage in a foursome.

Is that the reason why we keep seeing these parental guidelines before e-v-e-r-y damn show of Survivor? Are we finally going to see something that needs parental guidance. I sure hope so|

Surprisingly, Jerry and George are down for it but George warns that they will have to get rid Elaine first.

Jerry’s next monologue tells us where his heart really is : « I want to play with Elaine and George. It’s time for Jaime and Lauren to leave but I don’t want to be rude so I have to pretend I want to be with them. »

Fun and Games

The Gang of Six decides it’s too stuffy in the apartment so they go to the playground.

OK, now I get it! Lauren and Jaime weren’t talking about sex and Jerry wasn’t saying he’d prefer a threesome with Elaine and George. They were talking about some sort of outdoor recreational activity. Tricked by my dirty mind again.

Arriving at the playground, they are greeted by The Soup Nazi.

He informs them that he no longer makes soups, thanks to Elaine’s treachery. He now referees games in the park and says he was waiting for them. He surprises them with the prize for the winning team. Did you see Jerry’s face when he learned that the Soup Nazi would reward them with sandwiches ? Lauren, on the other hand, seems to have a big foot fetish because her reaction upon learning they’d share foot massages left her jaw even closer to the ground than Jerry’s.

I’m surprised the Soup Nazi didn’t give them 2 minutes in the penalty box for embellishement but hey! That’s what the director ordered. The jaws weren’t dropped fast enough on the first 3 takes so now the cast is going all out even if they know it’s crazy.

The threesomes are Jerry, George teaming up with, for some reason, Lauren. That leaves Elaine with Susan and Jaime and we pretty much already know who is going to win.

Jerry is the one tied inside the big orange ball and, understandably, he gets his two blindfolded teammates to push the ball in the right direction. Jaime, who is inside the purple ball, has more problems: Instead of staying on the track she seems to think her ball is all-terrain and she quickly finds herself carrying half the jungle on the side of her ball. And that’s not all! Only having to hold on to the ball, Elaine manages to lose contact with it and fall 20 feet behind a ball rolling at just about 20 feet per minute !

Orange’s lead got so big that the cameras couldn’t keep both balls in the same frame ! The maze only confirmed Orange’s victory.

After sending Jerry, George and Lauren to the sanctuary, the Soup Nazi turned to the 3 losers and yelled: « No Food for you! Get out of my park. »

In her monologue, Jaime wondered how Jerry managed the switcheroo. Instead of being with her at the nice spa, he is with her best friend. It was all because of Elaine who is probably Jerry’s wing woman. That would explain the obstruction during the challenge : Elaine wanted Jerry to have a nice time with the other woman.

Arriving at the Sanctuary, George cannot believe it’s his first reward in 22 days. He’s ready to get his stinky feet massaged.

I don’t know how much SeeBS paid these three ladies but it certainly wasn’t enough. Can you imagine having to do that ?

Despite agreeing with George that Elaine is a huge threat, Jerry gives us another boring monologue about still wanting to keep Elaine and only trying to fool Lauren so she trusts him and gives it up for this week.

See, I think Jerry’s changed. In the old days he really didn’t like fake boobs and there was this one girlfriend Sidra... Ah! Sidra! She certainly had big boobs but she wouldn’t give herself to Jerry so he started obsessing with about them, even asking Elaine to check out Sidra in the sauna of their gym. Elaine agreed and when she went to shake Sidra’s hand she stumble and fell right into...them! She reported to Jerry that they felt real and amazing but Sidra caught on and broke things off with Jerry. She walked right out of the apartment and his life but not before telling him that « THEY are real and THEY are SPECTACULAR !» Jerry’s spirit died a little afterwards.

Now, it seems that Jerry has no problems with a woman like Elaine who is a lot out there, has fake boobs and fake hair color.

Is it because of Jerry’s renewed interest in their long time friend but George is adamant about getting rid of her.

We rejoin Elaine back at her place and she’s invited Susan and Jaime.

Jaime gives us a monologue : « I must be the first out of all of Jerry’s girfriends who didn’t even make it to the end of our show together. But Elaine is here and maybe we can work together to make Jerry pay. »

Spoiler alert: When we see Jaime, her face is behind a thick cloud of smoke which on Survivor, has always pictured the « clouds of war ». Whenever a player is heard strategizing but is shown shrouded by the smoke, it tells us he will fail. One classic example was the Heroes’ tribe with Rupert standing on the look out expecting Parvati to have been voted out by the idol that was given to RussHole. He was looking down the beach, convinced their plan had worked but the wind was blowing their fire’s smoke in his face. Alas, when the smoke cleared, he saw a triumphant Parvati in the Villains’ procession.

Jaime tells us she is tired of the Seinfeld show. He has his millions so she wants him off the air and maybe she will get rewarded with a million dollars.

Elaine is amused to see Jaime showing her jelousy. In a way it reminds her of herself when she and Jerry split up but she knows Jerry still has a thing for her so she doesn’t mind stringing him along a little longer.

Susan agrees with Elaine that they can’t trust Jaime. Susan can still rely on George even if he’s acting more and more like a SOB.

When the three players return to camp we witness one of those weird exchanges between Elaine and George : She wants him to burp in her face so she can smell the food.

That George and Elaine dynamics was always one of the weirdest in all of television but it somehow worked for them.

Elaine informs Jerry that Jaime is acting like a woman scorned. Jerry knows that Jaime wants to split the gang but he can’t have that. Elaine says they have to get rid of either Jaime or Lauren and despite Jaime’s schemes, she feels Lauren is the bigger threat.

Hearing players talk about big threats must rejoice the followers of the debunked ADS theory. See, we first heard that Elaine is the big threat, then it was Jerry and now it’s Lauren? Yes Lauren can win challenges but so what? It isn’t ADS to say that she stands in the way of the main alliance and they want to get rid of her. I should remind someone that Darwin’s original theory wasn’t about of Survival of the Fittest but that Survival was achieved through Natural Selection. We can debate whether the votes on Survivor are Natural Selections or Artificial ones but they are all selections most often based on proper strategy. Artificial Selection is what has transsformed wolves into chihuahuas ! Natural Selection has led nature to humans. Selection on Survivor has given us a mixed bag of winners but we can say that all adapted the best to their season’s circumstances.

This will be my final dissertation on the theory of Evolution as it relates to Survivor.

By the end of Jerry’s monologue you can tell how happy he is for finally getting back with Elaine.

Jaime still sees Jerry as the one to eliminate but she gets George’s point that going for Elaine first might be the way to go.

Rarely has a trio been able to play spinning wheel with a player’s mind like Jerry, George and Elaine managed to do to Jaime in this one episode. She went from Jerry’s girlfriend to everyone’s pal to ennemy number 1 in a matter of minutes and she thinks she is the one turning the game upside down ! It’s like judo really : They are using her movements against her.

It must be said that Jaime was in great part fooled because, at this point, George was sincere. He was tired of being on the Seinfeld show and was thinking of his own spin-off. I want to tell him to curb his enthusiasm because he’ll NEVER be as popular as he is being George .

When it came time for the next challenge, one player was floored : « Mr. Steinbrenner ?» George could barely say the name of the person standing in front of him.

Yes it was George Steinbrenner himself and he spoke : « You seem surprised to see me George but you are here to play ball and I’m always on the look-out for new talent. We have this kid right now, Judge is his name, who isn’t bad but we still need to improve the team.

Today’s challenge will test your defensive skills; your ability to not drop the ball. I realize I’ve often neglected defense in the past and even when some of my guys kept pushing for Bader, I said no at first, weak bat, won’t make it in the Bronx but he has surprised me, making all the plays, diving to his right and, yes you have to in this game, to his left too.

So catch your ball and hold on to it. The last one holding his ball will win a nice necklace. Let’s do it. This challenge... is on.

Right away, Jaime and Elaine drop out : You two will never be Yankees.

Jerry is the next one out. I was hoping to add a star on the team but I guess the others will come cheaper.

George has no touch at all and we’re down to two. I’m disappointed George. You’re already under contract with us so I could have save a few bucks if you weren’t such a moron. Even more moronic were those white flip flop you wore. Do you really think that’s acceptable footwear to play the outfield?

Ok, that’s it for the first inning so let’s move to the top of the second. In the end, Susan couldn’t hold any longer so Lauren wins the necklace! You will try out for the team but you have a long way to go and that hair will need to be cut i you want to wear the pinstripes. »

Lauren was so happy she would have agreed to anything.

When it comes time to head out for Tribal Council it has become a two horse race. Despite a long talk with Jerry and some reassurances from Eaine herself, George is still leaning both ways. He doesn’t know if he’ll be strong enough to let his head take over for his heart.

Tribal Council

The players finally meet Jiff Probe who wants to catch up with the players.

You know what that means, he will probe with some questions and someone will say too much.

The first thing Jiffy realizes is that production has become too predictable: Since the last three Final 5 had to start over on a new island, these finalists brought the whole mansion with them.

The players are all fixating on the idols and advantages knowing this is the last stop for them.

Talking about working in groups, Jerry says : « You get a first draft and you’re suppose to play a scene with these people but then you have a knock at the door and the script has changed and the writers now want you to work with those people. You put the first script on the side, start memorizing the second but then someone higher up brings you a third script. Sometimes you put them all down to clear your head and then you’re not sure you picked up the latest version of the script. That’s why I like to improvise !

Asked about playing with emotion, Elaine jumped right in to her jury address, saying that you can be emotional but still play the game with strategy. That seemed to score early points with the jury.

With that, it was time to vote. On cue, Susan pulled out her ring from her pocket and told Jiffy that George had promised her to be with her but this is to make sure he does’s betray her at the last minute.

Jiffy starts reading the votes :

Elaine

Jaime

Elaine

Jaime

Jaime

And, before turning the paper and thus ruining the suspense, Jiffy made the pronouncement: 13th person voted out of Survivor 44 : Jaime.

Jaime’s final words were so typical of the bright eyed foolish girl that thought could make it work with Jerry and his friends: She is still happy about finding an idol... I hope no one told her before she watched that episode on TV. Imagine she gathers her family, telling them it’s her favorite episode of the season and then production sends a large portion of eggs in her face.