Night 15
When Survivor was good, we wouldn’t even be at the halfway point; now with “New School” Survivor we are heading down the homestretch. Not sure anything at this point will keep this season from being ranked in the bottom five all-time.

We hear Laruen bellyaching over why they didn’t “split the votes.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but “BIG & ATHLETIC” Brandon was anti-darwined with four votes. Frannie got six. Since Frannie was the primary target, she was getting a minimum of four votes even if they split the votes and even if the extra vote was used.

And Lauren is an Elementary School teacher? I sure hope her students are at recess when she’s teaching math. And spare me the hypothetical spinarama verbal hogwash...if so-and-so who voted for BIG & ATHLETIC Brandon voted this way instead...or if this person had voted another way...yadda, yadda, yadda... Bottom line, Frannie was the primary target and Brandon was anti-darwined with four out of the ten votes.

Yam-Yam spits out some gobbledygook comparing himself to “James Bond.” Poor Sean Connery must be spinning in his grave (even more than the “spinning” from some posters on this Board.) Especially from a player who, quite frankly, has done jack sh!t in terms of making any power moves. Truth be told – Yam-Yam (along with the other Tikas – Carson & Carolyn) stumbled their way into a middleman position by essentially SUCKING in challenges.

To pass time, everyone is engaging in some type of silly word game. Several episodes ago, back at NuTika, Yam-Yam, Carolyn and Josh played a word game of their own with no one understanding what the heck was going on when Carolyn intervened. At Va Va, we have different players but the same result – no one knew WTF Carolyn was trying to say.

Kane and Danny frantically go looking for idols.

Jaime STILL believes she has a real idol. At merge when information was shared, even Matt (who’s not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed) realized he probably had a fake. But not dim-witted Jaime. Should we be surprised with the idiots casted for “New School” Survivor? Oh, that’s right, “casting” is Production’s “strongest department.” * snort *

Pretty soon everyone goes on an II scavenger hunt. In the end, Heidi grabs the “brass rink” and finds the II that can be used up to five players remaining in the game.

Carolyn shares her prior drug addiction and current sobriety with the other castaways. It’s a compelling subject where she stands to gain a fair amount of milage from it (be it by chance or design.) Frannie is compelled when she shares in a confessional that she can learn a lot from Carolyn’s experience. PSST...Frannie, I can summarize what you can “learn from Carolyn” in three short words...DON’T DO DRUGS.

CHALLENGE TIME

Prior to the challenge (back at camp Va Va) the players were advised they could pass up the opportunity to compete for immunity in exchange for food (rice.)

When the final nine march in for the challenge, Jeff tells them four must sit out to get the rice. Soka’s former spokesperson Heidi assumes her new role as “Negotiator” desperately trying to get four to volunteer. Since no puzzle is involved, Carson sits out. Lauren and Kane follow making it three. Even though Kane feels vulnerable, he realized he has as much chance winning that challenge as Yam-Yam has engaging in a showmance with a female castaway.

Speaking of Yam-Yam, does he or ESPCIALLY CAROLYN think they have any shot at winning immunity? Whereas I applaud the competitiveness, they pass up needed food so they could further emphasize their pathetic ineptness?? Heidi decides to take one for the team (a decision probably made easier by the fact she has an II) by being the fourth to sit out for rice.

So Danny, Jaime, Yam-Yam, Carolyn, and Frannie are competing for immunity. HMMM, wonder who will be the first to drop??? DUH!!! We’ve had embarrassing challenge-competing joke shows casted for Survivor, but Carolyn pretty much takes the cake. Gosh, does she FRIGGIN’ SUCK. Her ineptness thus far has all but guaranteed her a seat at FTC; do we really need continued confirmation?

The challenge comes down to a two-person standoff between Frannie and Danny, Frannie wins her second individual immunity! Well done!! She tells us how proud she is winning her second challenge against “the biggest guys.” I acknowledge her pride, but I didn’t see any “big” guys in this challenge. The biggest guy (BIG & ATHLETIC Brandon) was anti-darwined at last TC and the only “big guy” left was Kane who didn’t compete and would understandably suck in any challenge involving a balancing act as practically all “big guys” would.

Back at camp, discussion ensues over who to target. Heidi, who successfully targeted and eliminated BIG & ATHLETIC Brandon last episode has her sights on another (and I quote the PLAYER) “BIG" guy in Kane. It’s nuts how consumed some players are with the ADS, they fail to realize size, strength, and physicality are NOT advantageous to balancing acts and/or “damn friggin’ puzzles.” Proof positive PERCEPTION trumps over REALITY.

We even hear Laruen chime in targeting Danny because he is (and I quote ANOTHER PLAYER) “strong and physical.” This is NOT Aruba’s words...THESE ARE THE PLAYERS’ WORDS. We did NOT hear her say she was targeting Danny because he is dumb (which he is,) or cocky (which he is,) or thinks he’s running the game (which he’s not; ) it’s because he’s “strong and physical.” The same reason Heidi targets a player for being “big & athletic” or COUNTLESS other players in prior seasons citing similar metaphors to support the ADS.

Sadly, the only player with half-a-brain who realizes Tika is getting a free ride is Frannie. Kudos to her! She tried to convince her ally Danny that Tika is the beneficiary of Soka vs. Ratu, but Danny is too thick-headed to acknowledge this gift bestowed upon Tika. I wish Frannie pushed a little harder, but I suppose I can understand her backing off considering Danny single-handedly saved her ass at last TC.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

It appears as if “Big” Kane and “Strong & Physical” Danny are the prime candidates. Once again, not MY words; the PLAYERS words.

Danny, who gave “scout’s honor” the players who did not participate in the challenge so the tribe could obtain rice would not be voted out, announces to Jeff, “he’s NOT a scout.” Translation – He is a lying sack of sh!t which is the shameful prototype Production focuses on when casting for “New School” Survivor.

Enough indecision over who to vote out results in another “New School” Survivor scenario with more sidebars than we saw during the OJ Simpson trial. A pathetically obnoxious allowance that probably has Probst wetting his pants with excitement.

Most likely due to the idols and advantages floating around, a total of four different names are read when the votes were tallied. When Danny’s name came up, he gives a shocked look of disbelief as if to say, “Who me?” Yeah. YOU dipwad. Ultimately, “Big” Kane (who pretty much was a waste of space this season) gets his torch snuffed. For the SECOND TC in a row, Heidi’s initial target got the boot.

Next Time on Survivor

Heidi hints at blindsiding her ally, Danny.

The Three Stooges continue their delusional ignorance that their good fortune has been the result of solid gameplay.

The most obvious statement is uttered by the simplest of minds when Carolyn says everyone in the game is “stupid.” Credit Production for that...