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As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
"An Ironic Look at the Characters and their Stories"
"An Ironic Look at the Characters and their Stories"
The Fixx is On
Have you ever realized that the «Previously on Survivor» segment isn't a true recap of the previous episode? What it actually is and has always been, is a reminder of what is important to remember going forward.
From this POS, we have to consider:
1 - Kendra, despite being whacky, is an important character this season.
And, «One Thing Leads to Another»:
2 - The Original Reebok alliance of Austin, Drew, Dee and Julie will be deciding the season.
On night 11 at Bellow, we have «Calm Animals», Basically, the 3 backstabbers are telling Kendra «Don't be Scared» and «No one Has to Cry» even if Brando was «Crucified».
Emily is proud of her move: «Some Stand and Some Fall» she said «but for once I stood up for myself.» She adds that she's happy to see how well Kendra took the vote.
Kendra's confessional shows that there are «Two Different Views» She is pissed that Emily flipped and she wants revenge. That vote was a «Wake up» call for her!
Did you notice that has soon as Kendra said she was coming for them, we cut to the intro which features a fierce Fijian warrior jumping up with his spear ready to strike? This could be the editors' way of telling us that Kendra will succeed in her fight against Emily.
Day 12 at Lululoser starts with «Red Skies» Kaleb is leading the tribe on an idol search. He'd like to find that idol himself, he would «Treasure it». However, if he doesn't find it he'd like to know who winds up with it.
Bruce is the one that comes up with a parchment. It is a beware advantage which means he can't vote unless he finds the idol. The «Hazards In the Home» as they say: The idol is hidden in the middle of camp! Bruce doesn't care about the warning but he is confident: «I will » find it, his expression as much as his words tell us.
Every Luser knows about Bruce's message except for KantHurrah and Bruce wants to keep it that way. As he digs in the shelter, Kellie serves as his lookout. When KantHurrah gets «Closer» to camp, Bruce has to stop. He doesn't have it yet.
Right then, a boat arrives in each camp and the players are told to drop their buffs. Bellow and Luser have to get on the boat. They have a few minutes to gather their stuff so Bruce goes back to digging. When he finds the idol he call it Sweet Caroline.
Bruce, my man, you are not helping this narration at all. Sweet Caroline isn't a song by The Fixx. You could have called it «Precious Stone», you dumba$$.
One Player who is really happy about the news is Jay! She's so happy in fact that she writes a big WELCOME on the sand. She will be less excited before long!
OK, so now it's time for «Less Cities, More Moving People» (You didn't think I'd get that song title in did you?!)
When the two boats «Reach the Beach», «Some People» attract attention more than others.
For Dee, it's Drew and Austin that matter. After their «Secret Separation», she's happy to see them return.
On the other hand Kendra is happy to see that Reebok hasn't eaten all their fish yet. She starts screaming like a contestant on the Price is Right and then invents a dance that looks like what a Wide Receiver does after a Touchdown. It wasn't the «Icky Shuffle», the «Waddle» and much less the «Gritty». I guess it would be called the «Elvis» for her gross pelvic thrusts.
More practically, Kendra wants to know if Bellow are still together: «Are we Ourselves» she asks Bruce, Kellie, KantHurrah and Jake. She's happy to hear that, despite what «Anyone Else» says, Bellow is still together.
The same cannot be said about Reebok. All because of a sandwich! Austin threw Jay under the bus for keeping him away from a sandwich.
Bet you Austin gets a Subway or a Jersey Mike commercial out of this!
Despite being 6, Reebok is really only a core 4 as Julie reminds us. Jay is expendable. Drew is happy because, as they get «Deeper and Deeper» in the game, he likes to be the top dog, the leader.
That's when the Dancing Stick Insect made a cameo appearance. And, I swear, it was dancing to the beat of «Sunshine in the Shade». It was in the shade of the shelter after all.
We have rain on Day 13 and Sifu is the only happy camper.
Having been Matsinged, Kaleb and Emily are still together. Unlike Malcolm of Matsing, Kaleb is soon going to be a target. I know some will talk about the quasi-legendary ADS (the Anti-Darwin-Syndrome) but I see it as the natural second portion of the game. In the tribal segment, it's the old and the weak that get voted out in disproportionate numbers. Then, at the merger, the strong unaligned players get their turn. It's the natural cycles of the game.
Feeling free to play both sides, Kaleb does just that but doesn't go unnoticed. Bruce is the first to notice that no one including Kaleb talks to him. He tells Kendra that he feels like a pariah. Kendra is confused so she asks: What is a pepperaya? Bruce had to explain what the word Pariah meant.
After being lectured by Bruce, Kaleb feels like he's being victimized by a cop going after him even if he did nothing wrong.
Informed of the situation, Kellie agrees that Bruce's way of not talking to the enemy is archaic. She considers him a liability.
But then, exactly who will you be voting against, Kellie? Not the Liability.
Then it was time for the challenge. The only things important to know here are the set-up and the stakes.
The Set-Up:
- Two teams of 6 will compete against each other. - The player left out bets on a team.
The Stakes:
- The Winning 6 make the Merger, get a buff and a feast, are immune from the vote but get to vote at TC.
- The Losing tribe will have one of its members voted out.
- The player left out joins faith with their chosen team.
It was another of those formulaic Obstacle course race-get keys-solve puzzle type of challenge that I fast-forward through until the victors are announced.
Making it to the Merger and the «Shuttered Room» also known as the Sanctuary are Drew, Austin, Bruce, Julie, Kendra and Sifu. Since KantHurrah bet on this team she joined them.
Drew got the narration confessional while Sifu got the strategy talks going. At first it was Jay's name that came out. Bruce was on board with that. But then Kaleb's name got tossed around.
Back at camp, the talk centered also around those two. So, when the 7 got to «Reach the Beach» we were entertained to another Survivor Formula which consists of «Hazards in the Home», «One Thing Leads to Another» and «Two Different Views»
Kaleb got the important last confessional before TC
TC
There were lots of talk; Kaleb conceded that he heard his name but believed that Jay was a bigger strategic threat. That tactic didn't get much traction.
They voted, Jiffy tallied the votes and then Kaleb played his «Shot in the Dark».
When JIffy read that Kaleb was SAFE, we had proof that the Fixx was On!
The «Shot in the Dark» is given to the players before the game starts. It isn't picked on the spot in the voting booth as we originally thought. Casting knows these people before the season starts so it wasn't a surprise that a prototypical merger target that also has a very strong Reality TV Star personnality got to have it.
I was often accused of coming up with conspiracy theories about players I don't like but that was always false. For example, I really liked Yul and Ozzy in Cook Islands yet I say they benefited from a lot of production help including convincing Penner to flip.
This season, Austin, Kaleb and Dee are my favorites followed by Kendra and Drew but I still say that all got favorable Tribal swaps (It was presented as a random swap but I believe that a swap is never random) and now Kaleb was given what is close to an immunity idol. The only difference is that he couldn't vote.
So, naturally, all the votes were cast against Kaleb.
I always wondered what «Saved by Zero» meant well now, I see it applies to Kaleb who got saved because none of the votes cast against him counted.
During the second vote, despite her efforts during the frenzied talks, Jay was voted out.
1. "RE: An Ironic Look at the Characters and their Stories"
Great insight, as always, michel! I don't see how Kaleb will make it another Tribal without immunity so I really hope he wins it. Kendra the zany zodiac girl....ugh. Let's see how this plays out!
I can't take this show as seriously as before but, as a comedy, it has potential. After all, Survivor is always better then it's funny. That's pretty much why the Amazon is my all-time favorite season.
"The «Shot in the Dark» is given to the players before the game starts. It isn't picked on the spot in the voting booth as we originally thought."
The Shot in the Dark Die is given to the players before the game starts. They drop the Shot in the Dark Die into the container and Select a parchment from the Bag (1 in 6 Safe before the Merge, 2 in 12 Safe After the Merge).
They usually want it to be a surprise if the player played their Shot in the Dark but sometimes they show it (examples: Tori in S42, Sami in S43, Jaime in S44)
Of course we don't get to see that there is 1 Safe and 5 Not Safe (or 2 Safe and 10 Not Safe) parchments in the bag...
As for the SitD, that's how it used to be but we saw one player giving his Shot in the Dark parchjement, not die, to another to prove his loyalty. That's why we know that now they are distributed before the game starts.
Michel: They do NOT have the Shot In The Dark Parchment until they play their Shot In The Dark Die into the container while voting and draw the Safe / Not Safe Parchment from the bag in Tribal Council.
Pre-Game they are given a Bag with their Shot In The Dark DIE inside.
Left: Emily gave Sabiyah the BAG that holds her Shot In The Dark DIE
Right: Brando offered Drew the BAG that holds his Shot In The Dark DIE which Drew refused.
You can NOT have the Safe / Not Safe parchment from the beginning of the game as that would predetermine the outcome!
Here is a Close Up of the Shot In The Dark parchment Bag and Container to drop your Shot In The Dark Die into which is from just before J. Maya and Kaleb come up to vote to make us wonder if either is going to play their Shot In The Dark Die.
However, in my opinion the player should declare they are sacrificing their vote so they can play their Shot In The Dark Die and then when Jeff calls for Idols or Advantages they should pick a number and ROLL their Shot In The Dark Die so we see that it is truly random 1 in 6 chance!
Why would they give them a die at the start of the game? The shot in the dark should just be an urn with 6 parchements inside, only 1 of which reads safe. You pick on the spot and luck decides.
We know that's not how it happens. we also know production gives each of them «something» at the beginning of the game. That's how they fixx it.
Also, with the 1 in 6 shot that means that 3 players could be safe but the only way to be certain that it is 1 out of 6 is to give three safety die or parchement at the start.
Michel the Die is how you indicate you want to play your Shot In the Dark and that the DIE is what they give them in the beginning of the game inside that Bag.
Here is Jeff explaining Shot In The Dark Die and Parchment in the Voting Booth Bag when it first appeared in Season 41 Episode 1.
The 6 (or 12) Parchments are in that big Bag in the Voting Booth.
They can NOT give Parchments out at the beginning of the Game because EVERY Tribal Council it is a 1:6 or 2:12 chance of pulling SAFE.
They are not guaranteeing at the start of the game that 3 players out of 18 are Safe. There could be ZERO or all 18 Players Safe if they all are unlucky/lucky when they play their 1:6 Shot In The Dark.
Providing parchments at the beginning of the game would be fixing the Shot In The Dark which is not fixed (unless they swap the bag of parchments during voting to have 6(or 12) SAFE parchments.
There are several times when they showed the player pulling the Die out of their Bag while voting, inserting it into that tower thing, then pulling the parchment out of the bag, and taking it with them to their seat to play it when Jeff calls for advantages and Idols.
Here is Tori in Season 42 playing her Shot In The Dark Die in the Voting Booth and pulling out her Parchment (which was NOT Safe).
Note: In this Tribal Council everyone said they are voting for Tori and Tori said well in that case I'm playing my Shot In The Dark. No one voted. Tori walked into the Voting Booth and played her Shot In The Dark Die.
After a reminder that Bruce and Katurra really don't like each other and that Kaleb was saved by Production, tonight's episode starts in Dakuwaqa on Night 13.
Remember the good seasons where there would be this whole scene about choosing the name, and painting the flag? Well forget it. Survivor is now a generic version of the original. Same location, same beaches, same storylines just spewed by different faces. The true «End of the Beginning» occured in Cook Islands but ever since the Pandemic it's as if we're being served the same dish over and over again.
«Am I going Insane?» said Dee, still dumbfounded by the last TC. Kaleb is happy: «Never Say Die» he says joyfully. He knows he's a «Loner» but he hasn't yet joined «The Children of the Grave» so he can still enjoy «Tomorrow's Dream» It was a «Hard Road» but «We made it to the merge», he shouts to the cheers of the others.
«People at home would call me a pretty lucky guy» Kaleb tells us.
No, I think you were privileged by Production's interference.
To the group he says: «In a tribe of «13» I got 12 votes but we'll be OK.»
«Paranoïd»
Bruce lets some members of Reebok know that Katurah was on the fence about the Kaleb vote.
Katurah admits to us that she didn't want to vote against Kaleb but she tries to save face in front of Reebok.
Bruce is happy that is plan to spread paranoïa is working on Katurah.
Katurah isn't the only one showing signs of being «Paranoïd», Kendra is also tired of all the «Wheels of Confusion» that are created by Bruce's erratic behaviour.
Once more Kendra mentions a target (last time it was Emily) and her scene is immediately followed by the introduction where a fierce Fijian Warrior leaps on our screen with his spear ready to strike. Last week I thought it was an omen telling is that Kendra is that warrior who will floor all her opponents. It could still be that omen but Kendra is now 0 for 2 in her attempts to eliminate someone. Should we look at it in the opposite direction and say that Kendra's targets actually Outlast her?
Katurah tells Kaleb that Bruce was the driving force behind the vote. She wants to replace Bruce with Kaleb in the Bellow alliance. Kendra is all for it but, while she pretends to agree, we hear Kellie say that she wants to keep Bruce.
Emily sweet talks Kaleb by telling him that things have changed and that they have the numbers now. All she wants is to solidify the threesome she had with Austin and Drew on the old Bellow tribe.
WHAT? Did I miss that triple-X scene? I mean, I've heard 45 seasons of «Parental Guidance is needed» to watch a Survivor episode and that, for the first time, the warning would have been really necessary and I missed it? Geeez.
Getting back to the episode, my friend Aruba is probably saying that Emily is a lying piece of crap. Even if he always ignores the tactical value of a lie, I can't say that he is wrong here.
Emily tries to entice Austin into getting rid of Kellie so that he could turn his amulet into a real idol but Austin isn't too hot at the idea because that would put a target on his back.
In confessional, Austin is quick to remind us that it was only 11 votes at TC against Kaleb because he got to activate his idol. It took «13» days but now, he feels so strong, he could be the «Iron Man»!
«After Forever»
These commercials last so long that we can forget where we were. However they do have their good sides. They give FP time to write the play-by-play in the East Coast Thread and it gave me the opportunity to slide in another Sabbath Song!
For fun Sea Food is wrestling with Austin and Bruce while a green crab tries to imitate his moves. From his position on the beach, Jake gives us a running commentary.
To us, Jake confides that he wants Kaleb to stay and bring him in the Bellow alliance. The problem, of course, is Bruce. Kellie also has the same Bruce-problem.
We witnessed a conversation between Kellie and Bruce. The camera was so close that, while Bruce talked it was almost as if we were in Kellie's shoes but when she replied we switched and wound up in Bruce's place.
Does that mean we should watch from Bruce's perspective? My head hurts just thinking about it! Thankfully, the same camera work is used when Kellie and Jake meet at the water well. First we are in Jake's shoes and then in Kellie's. So Kellie is the common factor here. Of the three she is definitely the smartest so I feel better thinking this episode should be viewed from Kellie's perspective.
Jake tells Kellie that they could use both Bruce and Kaleb because it is going to be a war between the Blue and the Red, between the Crips and the Bloods.
It doesn't take long for Jake's prophecy to come true because it is time for that war, meaning the Challenge where it actually is Crips versus Bloods in a six on six confrontation.
The Crips are: Kellie, Bruce, Sea Food, Kendra, Emily and Drew.
The Bloods are Jake, Dee, Austin, Julie, Kaleb and Katurah.
There will be immunity for one Crip and one Blood while one member of each side will be eliminated and miss the jury spot. However, the gang member that lasts the longest wins the right to stay in the the Sanctuary.
The battle lasted about 20 minutes. and it came down to Kellie versus Dee.
It was Dee-Day all over again! As soon as Dee got a Toe-hold on enemy territory it was over for Kellie. Dee dug her canines in and won reward for the Bloods.
In confessional, Dee had a million dollar quote about her toes winning it for her.
At the Sanctuary, the red gang is in «Technical Ecstasy»! For them, «It's Alright»: They have this «Cornucopia» of food so the can do «St Vitus' Dance» «Under the Sun»
But the «Wheels of Confusion» start spinning again and Julie is the one being «Paranoid». The kill should be Kaleb but she feels it could be her.
Hey! We do need a decoy vote, don't we? Everyone knows that Kaleb is toast but SeeBS doesn't want to lose its last viewers so there has to be a semblance of suspense.
Jake will be utilized to provide that suspense by telling us that Dee is the biggest toe, the most dangerous player in this game and that Julie is her companion, her little toe, that gives her power. Getting rid of Julie surgically cuts off some of Dee's powers.
Jake plans on amputating the little toe.
Chased out of their hood, the Crips find solace on the old Lulu beach.
Now that place is for losers and we do feel Kellie's pain.
The gang tries to comfort her.
Kellie has nothing to be sad about; If these clowns wanted to eat all they had to do was hold on.
Drew, who really should be target number one is feeling threatened. He'd consider playing his «Safety without Power» advantage but he left his bag at the Reebok Beach.
The Bartender, Kendra, tries to mix something up and go for Bruce. Bruce feels that Kendra has him in her sights so he tells Kellie that he might play his idol. Kellie doesn't want to see Bruce go so she has to work on Kendra.
On Dakuwaqa, Austin tells Dee that her power ranking has gone way up so keeping Kaleb as a shield wouldn't be a bad idea.
Dee will have none of it. She is the big toe and she squashes Austin's plans. Dee wants Kaleb out. She thinks she can bring in Jake who she feels is easy to persuade.
In appearance, Jake goes along but his plan is to get Kaleb and Katurah to vote with him against Julie, threaten to let the decision go to rocks and then pull in Austin on the revote because Austin, he thinks, is playing scared.
When Jake exposes his plan, we get a weird kind of Flash-Forward like they used to do on Lost. We actually see the six sitting down at TC and we get a peek of the voting booth where we see Kaleb (we can identify him by the beige sleeve with a green marijuana leaf, the « Sweet Leaf» of Sabbath's 3rd album) writing Julie's name and Dee ( wearing her red long sleeves) writing Kaleb's name. We even see Jiffy reading those two votes as if it was going to be a tie. Jake is confident he can get Austin on the revote by telling him they don't have to go to rocks.
To get her vote, both Kaleb and Jake tell Katurah that Bruce has the Lulu Idol. That is when Katurah realizes that she was on the outs at the old Bellow. She even learns that Jake was in on it when he pretended to look for his ring. That's why she started thinking of voting with Reebok.
On Lulu, Sea Food considered his own mortality and Kellie convinced Kendra to talk to Bruce and use him as a shield.
Kellie, once again, has the final confessional just before TC. She explains how both options affect her game.
1st TC - The Crips settle their Problems
Bellow stuck together and sent Sea Food to sleep with the fishes.
2nd TC - The Bloods take care of Business.
Here again, the gang decides to get rid of the black man. At least Kaleb didn't receive all the votes this time. Jake admitted right there that the second Julie vote was his.
Next Time on Survivor: The women can count: There are 6 women left while the Men are down to 4.
"Remember the good seasons where there would be this whole scene about chooising the name, and painting the flag? Well forget it. Survivor is now a generic version of the original."
FYI: That scene got relegated to the EW Exclusive Deleted Scene.
There truly is nothing more inconsequential in the game of Survivor than the naming of the merge tribe. How inconsequential is it? So inconsequential that they don't even bother showing it on the actual show any more, instead just putting the new tribe name up on the screen and letting viewers guess as to how and why that name was chosen.
Ahhh, but no guesswork is required! Because we here at EW know the importance of getting answers to questions that bear little-to-no relevance in the game yet are still mysteries that need to be solved. Which is why we often get to post the deleted merge tribe naming scene you can't see on TV.
We see on the episode that the merge tribe is named Dakuwaqa, but what the heck is a Dakuwaqa and who is responsible for that moniker? As the deleted scene — which can be watched above — shows, Kellie Nalbandian is the one who gets the credit for coming up with the name. Or perhaps it is the blame, for rather than hilariously christening the tribe after a cousin's name spelled backwards or her favorite stuffed animal as a kid, Kellie bestowed upon her tribemates a title that actually, dare we say, makes sense.
"Alright, so I looked this up before I came here," she tells the others. "It's Fijian mythology. And they have this god, a shark god that protects the ocean. And it's called Dakuwaqa. It's apparently one of their most important gods from ancient times, because of the fishermen."
The tribe for the most part takes an immediate liking to the name, with Austin Li Coon pointing out that he digs it because "my favorite hockey team back home is the San Jose Sharks." Of course, there is one player who is somewhat predictably not infected with Dakuwaqa fever, and we'll give you one guess as to whom that is.
"I don't know who named it Dakuwaqa," says Fiji's resident Negative Nancy, Emily Flippen. "I don't even know what Dakuwaqa means. And a lot of people spend a lot of time coloring a flag for, in my opinion, no reason. If I'm going to spend my energy, I'm going to be spending it on challenges, on social games, strategic conversations — not painting a flag or deciding on Dakuwaqa as a name. So, a waste of time and energy in my opinion."
God bless that woman… or Dakuwaqa bless that woman, as it were. To watch the entire merge tribe naming — and Emily's reaction — for yourself, check out the exclusive secret scene above, and make sure to also check out our full episode recap.
You'd think that by adding half an hour, we'd get these scenes. As far as I remember, that scene, when they bothered showing it, ALWAYS generated reactions.
Yeah, you would think 90 Minutes would have enough time for Merge Tribe scene but they must think it wasn't very important or want to give EW Dalton Ross an Exclusive Scene that is worth paying however much they pay for that right.
Note: I had to reboot my laptop to complete Firefox Update as Firefox was NOT embedding YouTube Videos with the HTML iframe tag! Reboot fixed this so YouTube video above should now be visible.
15 Hits and 30 misses ago, SeeBS brought on remote Tropical locations, a new show, conceived in Lies, and dedicated to the proposition that all men and women are created to amuse the gullible that sit in front of their TV.
Now we are engaged in a great Social Experiment, testing whether that show, or any show so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.
From the previous episode, we should remember that Bruce has an idol and is made of teflon while Jake is an idiot.
We are treated to two groups arriving at camp with the usual awkwardness and regrets but in double the dosage.
Probst doesn’t care; he’ll go up to the lethal dose before he listens to our suggestions. How about something destabalizing? Like maybe having them return to a camp that was destroyed. Or force them to run a challenge right there and then. Keep them, AND ESPECIALLY US, on our toes. Start the game with 20 individuals but then, after 5 cycles, form 3 tribes of 5. Run two separate games in parallel and have them join right after their respective merger Tribal Councils. There are enough possibilities to keep this interesting.
Wisdom à la Bruce: Jake made a mistake voting with Kaleb, it was like, and to quote Bruce: « Following a dead horse to water. »
Way of mixing metaphors there Bruce! Of course, if the horse is dead, it won’t be drinking that water but how does it make its way to the water in the first place? What Bruce should have said is that Jake’s horse is dead. After such a stupid move, how can he be taken seriously? Actually, Jake isn’t a horse but more of a Goat, the Katie Gallagher kind of goat, not the Tom Brady G.O.A.T.
Wisdom à la Julie: « It feels like its old Reebok against old Bellow now.»
I would say she’s about 10 days late because it was ALWAYS Reebok vs Bellow.
First grade arithmatics tells the girls that they are 6 against only 4 men so they could take control.
Except when the women have a strong leader like Kim it seems that there’s always a Caryn Groedel in the group, one that Katie Gallagher would say SUCKS! (How about that! Two Palau references in the opening segment. Can I add on? Sure I can. Just watch me.
Kendra is sure that the idea of six badass women kicking their butt is haunting the men’s thoughts.
Kendra is just slightly off: We see the 4 men sitting on the beach and thinking of eating tacos.
The only way they’d show less worries is if they went back to camp and ordered the women to cook those tacos for them.
Kellie agrees to the women’s idea of getting rid of Bruce because he is dragging her game down. It seems he has been telling some people that Kellie is his # 1.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. Unfortunately, Kellie is a little too late coming to this realization. The editors cut from her confessional directly to the Fijian Warrior and, by now, we know that isn’t a good omen. Both times prior, Kendra’s plans had failed so we can now expect that Kellie’s and all future « warrior » plans will fail. In Kellie’s case, the failure will soon turn dramatic for her.
Something New!
Finally, production has used its imagination to come up with a fun twist. An Auction where the players have to find their money in the jungle.
When she reads out loud that the Survivor Auction is back, Kendra goes back to her sickening pelvic gyrations à la Elvis.
The race is on...well except for Bruce who adopts the pace of a dying horse.
After the race Jiffy reveals the results. We see that:
Dee has $900
Austin and Kellie have $700
All others are in between Jake’s $340 and Drew’s $520 while Bruce’s horse could be claimed for a mere 80 bucks.
Kellie is happy but there has to be a catch, she says.
Of course there’ll be a catch but, for Bruce, it would have been better had he not found a single penny. It has been so long since the last auction that we have low definition images of Tom, Caryn and Stephenie during the Palau Auction (3)
Besides the hunt for the money, Jiffy informs the players of 2 other changes:
No advantages to be gained. (There were plenty in play and players used to wait for it making for very little auction action.)
The number of items will be revealed by a number picked from a bag by Jiffy. The one who has the most money left at the end will lose their next vote.
If you want a detailed account of who got what and for how much well watch the show. If you think I’ll waste my time with this, you are, in the words of Stephenie LaGrossa, sadly mistaken. (4)
I’ll, just say that it’s fishy that the # 10 was drawn by Jiffy. It was right in the middle meaning that, for the TV show it had just enough auction to be enjoyable but still an abrupt end. The players outsmarted production because they bid all their money on the item they wanted. That left...
Bruce who, with his $80 never had enough money to make a final bid but wound up with more money than everyone else and lost his vote.
What was stupid was that Jiffy sent them back to camp right away so Kellie who bought the last item didn’t even get time to enjoy it. While Bruce is giving his confessional about losing his vote, we see Kellie turning to Jiffy, her expression clearly a plea to have some time to eat. Did she get it? I don’t know. That would be my exit interview question.
The return to camp offered Emily the chance to be the new Caryn Groedel and talk to Tom Westman...sorry! I meant Drew. (5)
Some will say that Drew being the new version of Tom is an indication of how casting sucks but I’ll remind everyone that Todd was at least as nerdy as Drew so nothing new here.
Part II
We are met on a small battle-field of that Experiment. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a Loser Lodge for those who gave up their torches that that show might entertain. It is altogether unfitting and improper that we should do this without bashing those who made stupid moves.
But, in a larger sense, they have desacrated—they have debased —they have defecated on—this ground much more than we can ever do. The fat naked man, who first struggled here, has desecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will bash but soon forget what we write here, but unfortunately can never forget what the cast have done here.
The Challenge
It was the old hold the pole representing 1/3 of their pre-game body weight trick. There was also the old offer of a bag of rice if 4 people declined participation. Dee and Emily were quick to accept the rice proposal but then Kat started negotiating for safety. To cut this non-sense short, jiffy came up with another good new idea: He punctured the bottom of the bag so that rice came pouring out. If they wanted any rice, two other players had to make a quick decision. Drew and Kat stepped forward leaving the group with a good amount of rice.
Jiffy kept saying they were holding on to 1/3 of their body weight but who knows if that is true? One preferred contestant could have only ¼ body weight while another (like Kellie or Kendra) whose elimination would make for great TV had to support ½ of their body weight. Who would know the difference? Not them and certainly not us watching on TV
Kellie and Kendra were the first to drop. In the end, it came down to Julie and Bruce. After a good opposition, Julie dropped out, leaving Bruce with Immunity.
Part III
It is for us the bored, rather, to be abused here to the unfinished work which they who backstabbed here have thus far so ignominiously advanced. It is rather for us to be here bashing the game remaining before this cast — that from these amusingly snuffed we take increased joy to that chance of a lifetime for which they gave the last full measure of their dreams and enthusiasm — that we here highly resolve that these snuffed shall have fallen in vain — that this show, under Probst, shall have a new birth of twists — and that production of the con men, by the con men, for the gullible, shall not perish from the Islands of the South Pacific.
Now that Bruce was off the table, the scrambling began in earnest. Rightfully so, Kellie was the most worried. Jake realized that he was being pushed to give a name. It made him think that he could be the target.
Well, DUH!
Jake started an intense idol search so Kat went to babysit him.
Drew was worried about Jake having an idol so he came up with an alternative plan. He presented it to the 3 other Reebok and Emily. They agreed that Kellie and Bruce were a lot like Sophie and Coach.
STOP everything! Put that show on pause. It seems that the great Misunderstanding about Survivor So Pathetic has reached this generation of players so I must set the record straight: Coach was the brains of the Apollo alliance. He brought Brandon, Albert and Sophie together. Mostly, he’s the one that won the game for them by drawing Cockroach in at the merger. Sophie did NOTHING until Ozzy told her that everyone that had gone through Redemption Island said she was pathetic. It was her emotional outburst that won the game... and the fact that no one wanted to vote for Coach. But, on a purely clinical analysis of that Final 3, Coach deserved the win.
Anyway, Drew managed to get the five together on Kellie...or Jake! He still said he was undecided when he started the walk to Tribal Council
But we can see misdirection when it hits us in the face! Of course, Kellie is toast.
Tribal council
Bruce realized he was the first to lose his vote but win immunity on the same day.
Jiffy then asked a hard question to Jake: How can they handle a game that is individual but requires players to work together.
Jake kind of fumbled that question, going on a tangent about there being negatives to all the benefits that you do.
Objection your Dishonor: The defendant’s attorney is obviously misleading these proceedings.
Jake asked if he could make a pitch. His wish was granted by the court. So, Jake is there about to make a pitch but it doesn’t come.
Balk! one viewer screams. Pitch clock violation says another! Either way, Jake has to regroup.
With the count against him, Jake says that stockpiling votes on someone isn’t playing Survivor. If they are stockpiling the votes on him, the person at the bottom of the group is making the wrong move.
Asked to comment on Jake’s pitch, Kellie said she understood but that Jake had made his move too fast.
It was soon time to vote:
Jake played his Shot in the Dark but it failed.
The first three votes Jiffy read were all against Jake
(Those were Kellie, Kendra and Kat’s votes.)
The next five were on Kellie.
(Reebok + Emily)
Kat, Kendra, Jake, Bruce and especially Kellie were shocked. She couldn’t even find her torch.
On his way back to camp, Jake must have swallowed a few flies because his jaw remained opened all the time.
Next Time on Survivor: Emily tells Austin that Dee wins the game if she makes it to the end. (The same was said early on about Denise and she did go on to win) Austin says he doesn,t want to get rif of Dee because he likes talking to her. (I'm sure he'd like it to bew more than talk) The challenge will be 3x3x3 and the losers won't be allowed to vote. The 3 teams are:
"From the previous episode, we should remember that Bruce has an idol and is made of teflon while Jake is an idiot."
Regarding... "What was stupid was that Jiffy sent them back to camp right away so Kellie who bought the last item didn’t even get time to enjoy it. While Bruce is giving his confessional about losing his vote, we see Kellie turning to Jiffy, her expression clearly a plea to have some time to eat. Did she get it? I don’t know. That would be my exit interview question. "
In Kellie's exit interviews she said Jeff gave her time to drink the Margarita (which she did) and eat the PB&J Sandwich. However, after eating that big dish of French Fries; she couldn't eat the sandwich!!
Speaking of the French Fries...
Both Emily($500) and Kellie($700) had not eaten and were very hungry. They both had talked about wanting French Fries.
So when French Fries came up they agreed to both bid $500 and Draw Rocks.
Kellie won the Rock Draw but didn't think to spend all her $700, she just paid Jeff $500 leaving her with $200.
Emily also did NOT spend all her money on the next blind item. She bid $440 of her $500 to win the Wine, Cheese, Meat platter leaving her $60 ($20 less than Bruce).
Note: This was a bad idea for Emily as she could have ended up losing her Vote if the number was 11!
Since Kellie bid only $500 of her $700, she was left with $200 and got lucky that she could bid $200 on the 10th item (Margarita and PB&J) and the Auction ended with Bruce having $80 and Emily having $60 so Bruce Lost his vote.
The Auction was...
1: Kendra all $360 for Pretzels & Beer 2: Kellie bids $500 leaving $200 for French Fries 3: Emily bids $440 leaving $60 for Wine, Cheese, Meat 4: Dee all $900 for Milk Shake 5: Katurah all $480 for 2 Big Fish Eyes 5: Austin pays $100 leaving $600 to eat the 2 Big Fish Eyes
Here is what would have happened if the rock was 6-15...
6: Drew all $520 for Candy. Austin($600) Loses his Vote. 7: Austin all $600 for Pizza. Jake($340) Loses his Vote. 9: Jake all $340 for Chocolate Cake. Kellie($200) Loses her Vote 10: Kellie all $200. Bruce($80) Loses his Vote 11: Bruce all $80. Emily($60) Loses her Vote 12: Emily all $60. No One Loses their Vote? 13-15: No one has money to bid!
Note: IF Kellie had bid $700 for the French Fries, then Bruce would have bid $80 on the 10th Item and Emily would have lost her vote!
Like Quarks and Gluons, our players wear colors and, instead of obeying the laws of Quantum Mechanics, they follow the Rules of Probst. They exist in Many-Worlds, an infinite number of possibilities each representing a different solution to the basic equation. In Quantum Mechanics, that equation was first determined by Schrodïnger and the general time-dependant equation reads:
ih d/dt| Ѱ (t)> = H| Ѱ (t)>
T represents time, | Ѱ (t) is the state vector of the quantum system and H is the Hamiltonian Operator of a measurable property.
In Survivor, we have something similar
ih d/dt|S(t) > = M|S(t)>
Where S represents the Season’s vector of the remaining Players and M is the Mariano Operator which represents the maximum value, or interest if you will, a Season can have according to Probst. Any Season that ends without a Boston Rob Victory has a lower Energy state, a less interesting season as judged by Probst.
Every week the editors look at the infinite numbers of scenarios generated by varying slightly the value of the Mariano. Since our TV, phones, I Pads and whatever else we use to watch the show have limited reception capabilities, they have to select one Universe to show us at a time but there are other events that simply wind up in the trash can. Let’s see how this episode develops and I promise you some looks into parallel universes.
Universe #14
In this Universe, Survivor was cancelled after Season 13 where Adam became Sole Survivor after riding the All-White alliance to the end and defeating Penner in the Final 2. So instead, we are watching « The Mole – Season 20 » which was, if not the best, certainly the most intelligent Reality TV series of all time. Anderson Cooper as host, brought an instant credibility that Probst never had.
Universe #215
Just when I thought we’d have a fun evening of Television with The Mole, I change Worlds and see the Players returning to camp after eliminating Kellie.
The musicians are as sad as Kendra who sends a toast across the lagoon to her fallen Comrades.
Wait! Is there a time differential error in the equation? Aren’t we only at Episode 9? The Fallen Comrade segment is usually in the Final episode, no? Ah! My mistake, Kendra was only toasting her friend, not the whole group and anyway, they don’t do the «Fallen Comrades» segment anymore. At least not in the hundreds of Worlds we’ve seen lately.
Kendra’s somber mood was interrupted by Jake’s laugh.
I swear that guy always laughs. When time comes to give his eulogy, the person giving it will probably have to tell Jake to shut up.
Universe #598571 (It’s all white, every where you look; white. It’s like the negative of a picture taken in a dark room.)
In the distance, a maniacal laugh is heard. It is slowly approaching, torturing us until we can’t take it anymore. It is Jake and he was left alone in this dimension while the others used the time to talk about Kellie’s elimination.
Universe # 236
This one is hilarious! Jake thinks he still has a chance of winning!
Universe #1+2+3+4+5+6+… = -1/12
Bruce is dumbfounded that his #1 ally, Kellie, was trying to vote him out.
Bruce may think it’s impossible but the vast majority of the Many-Worlds come up with this singular result: Kellie was sick and tired of you. In fact, in the Worlds where Bruce had not won immunity, Kellie would have voted him out.
Dee even tells Bruce that Kellie felt like he was keeping her under house arrest. This leads Bruce to reflect on his relation with his own wife and daughter. Maybe he was wrong to kill them...
Stop! That’s in a different Universe and the family crime is under investigation so we cannot talk about it.
Getting back to World #5, Bruce says he must change his attitude even out of the game, starting with his family.
Watching this at home, his wife and daughter finally exhale. After all these fights, someone has gotten through to him. Both women realize that Dee is amazing and they will try to get her contact # at the reunion.
Universe #36963542 (In this world, SeeBS used an accelerated schedule of 2 shows per week because people couldn’t stand 3 episodes of Ghost and Ghost UK in a single week. )
Kendra, after making the move of the season and blindsiding Dee, is at the F3 Tribal Council and she is going to win the game because of Kellie’s vote.
Let’s hurry back to a saner place Like... Universe #2354-A
Katurah, after agreeing with Kendra to stick together, goes directly to Julie, Dee’s friend (I mean she didn’t even pass « Go » and didn’t collect $200 ) and reveals Kendra’s scheme.
Katurah realizes that her fortune in this game is rotten every time she is designated to be a Bellow Player. She’d like to find a World where the Survivor God (aka Probst) puts her in Reebok.
In almost every World imaginable, Julie takes Katurah’s information and tells it to Dee.
Maybe there is a world or two where Julie acts differently and blindsides Dee but I’ve looked and I can’t find any. It’s like trying to find a World where Gregg follows his own advice and makes a move on Tom before Tom sends him packing. In some worlds, just like some Japanese soldiers remained hidden in the South Pacific jungles until the 1950s hoping to see their Emperor win the war, Gregg is still in the forests of Palau planning his move.
Universe #458785
Austin the alchemist has mastered the powers of the Philosopher’s Stone and he was able to transform his amulette into a real Immunity idol with full powers.
Universe# 69654
Austin has so much firepower that he starts planning a mass shooting. He mentions wanting to eliminate Bruce, Jake and Kendra.
I would check Austin’s internet footprint to see if he harbours animosity against any specific group of people outside that Bellow group. At least we know that Dee is safe around him.
However if we calculate the Probability of Dee Winning the whole thing, we get:
M|Dee/Austin(t)> = 1
The Mariano Operator, under these conditions, tends to 1, its maximim value since it represents 100% probability. So Dee wins over Austin every time.
And if we calculate M|Dee/Audience satisfaction(t)> we get 0.69.
This tells us with a 69% probability that a win by Dee would please the audience. It won’t be as thrilling as a win by Boston Rob in the eyes of Probst but it is the maximum value of our Mariano Operator applied to the remaining cast. (You should see Katurah’s score!)
Even with the certainty that she wins the game over him, Austin will never make a move against Dee. Not in this World and not in any other.
By the way, it seems our Fijian warrior has made his choice: He finally liked a plan that was expressed before he jumped on our screen. Austin mentioned Kendra as one of his targets and she left. It hadn’t worked so well for Kellie.
Universe #125
Drew is psychoanalyzing Bruce who’s perception of reality is failing. According to Drew, Bruce was living in an imaginary world and now reality is catching up to him.
Silly, silly boy! Drew doesn’t realize that Bruce has a rare ability: He can travel from one Universe into another. How else do you explain his appearance in both Survivor 44 and 45 ?! In a World we haven’t visited yet, Bruce beat Drew so badly that the nerd didn’t even make it to the merger. There are other worlds in which Bruce beats Drew in the Fire-making challenge. We could still visit one of those worlds before the end.
Universe#323
Emily is jealous of Dee. She sees how much attention she gets from Austin and Drew. Emily would like to be the center of their world so she tries to divide them.
Emily, you dumb broad! Don’t you know how men think, or rather react? It’s not even conscious, it’s genetics: A girl like you can’t go toe to toe against Dee. You can’t beat her in the eyes of randy boys like Austin and Drew. So, get over it and toe the line.
Universe # 23
In this one, it sems we will only get one challenge because Drew has tree mail and it tells them that one player will get immunity but they have to divide in teams of three.
The Probabilities:
Ok, this is not a quantum mechanics probabilistic equation. It is basic probabilities where we have a limited number of possibiliites which is established by the equation:
T = n! / r! * (n-r)!
T is the number of different teams we could have obtained, n is the number of players in the game (9), and r is the size of the teams (3)
So T = 9! /3! *6! or in expanded form
= 9*8*7*6*5*4*3*2*1/ (3*2*1) * (6*5*4*3*2*1)
Eliminating common factors, we are left with
T = 9*8*7/3*2*1 = 84
There were 84 different combinations of teams we could have suffered. But all those have an infinite number of Worlds in which they evolved. For example:
Universe #295
Bruce falls off the beam, splits his head open and becomes the first player ever medically removed from two consecutive seasons.
Universe #10245
Kendra’s armpit hair get tangle in the ropes and she cannot get across the obstacle.
Universe#14587
In this one Boston Rob replaced Probst after SeeBS got tired of losing viewers. So, with Rob in charge we hear his encouragements to the players:
«Dig deep! That’s how I did it on Survivor. »
Universe #2
A team of Katurah, Bruce and Jake wins the challenge but they are so angry at each other that they decline the reward, opt to go on the trek as long as three different boats get them there and they start the journey where the trails divide so they don’t have to talk to each other. Too bad we just missed out on that one.
Universe#555
Like everyone knows, Quarks have both colors and flavors. This gives us:
Drew, Jake and Dee are the Red Quarks
Bruce, Julie and Kendra are the Green Quarks
Austin, Katurah and Emily are the Blue Quarks
Bruce is a « Down » Quark while Julie and Kendra are « Up ».
Drew is a « Strange » Quark «, Jake is a « Bottom » Quark while Dee is a « Charm » Quark.
Austin is a « Top » Quark, Emily is a « Bottom » and Katurah is a « Down » Quark.
I’m sure you guys are up to speed on your Quantum Mechanics and its colored-coded, flavored Quarks to know that 1 «Down» Quark with 2 «Up» quarks form a proton which is the only stable Hadron of the three teams so, of course, Bruce, Julie and Kendra win the 3 team challenge and the reward associated with it.
A «Top», «Bottom« and «Down » grouping is quite unstable so Austin, Emily and Katurah lose the challenge and their vote. They learn that they will go on a trek where they could recover that vote.
Now, I’m sure you can determine through Quantum observations alone who will win individual immunity, right? Of course you can! It’s simple really to spoil this part of the show because Bruce, being a «Down» quark, only has to support a –1/3 charge. Both «Up» Quarks have a +2/3 charge making Kendra and Julie’s job impossible. Julie tries hard and pushes Bruce to his limits but he once again prevails.
By the way, did anyone figure out why the discs had small metal cymbals attached to them? It was in case Jiffy dozed off and didn’t see someone dropping their disk. The clear metal sound would wake him up so that he could call it and still appear to be on top of things.
Returning to camp, Drew did a good job explaining the different scenarios that could play out in different worlds. Bruce still has immunity and his idol. Drew and his team don’t have the reward but they have their vote. They have to wait to strategize to see what the other groups want and how many votes will be in play. So, in waiting, they will eat rice. Drew and Dee used the fact that Jake went for a walk to eat most of the rice. They even had a nice story for him when he came back: They had burnt most of the rice but had managed to save a small portion for him. Jake is so obliviously joyful, it is nice to see.
The Sanctuary
Besides getting chicken smeared all over their face and fingers, the 3 agree on eliminating Jake.
The Trek and more Maths!
So, how many possibilities were there for our Trekkies? This is fairly easy as it is the same thing as throwing 3 coins in the air and seeing if you get 3 Heads, 2 Heads, 1 Head or no Head. In other words:
P = 2 to the power of 3 or P = 8
The test was based on numbers. The players were asked to get a total of 100 by using 3 addition signs and 1 minus sign from the following set of numbers:
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 To simplify things, they were told not to change the order of the numbers.
The rule here is to always make it simple. So 98 is close to 100 so if I start with that, I know I have to subtract a large number since I can only do additions after that:
Let’s go simple 98 – 76 = 22
So now I’m missing 78 to reach 100. The next two number are 54 so let’s add them to 22 and get 76. Now I’m only missing 24. I got a 3 a 2 and a 1 left. It’s fairly easy to see that 3 +21 equals 24 so the solution is straightforward:
98 – 76 + 54 + 3 + 21 = 100 .
Simple, yet Emily, who kept telling herself not to choke seeing how important her vote was, and Katurah choked.
Austin regained his vote.
In kind of breaking the 4th wall, Jake asks Drew if there are any worlds in which he can survive.
Drew, who isn’t a doctor in Physics, tells him that it depends on how many people are voting tonight. In the worlds where Katurah has a vote, Jake is in grave danger. In the others, he’s still not safe but his odds are better.
Jake says he will act like a nice dog which tells me he didn’t read my « Animals» lecture on Survivor. Dogs aren’t the cute animals that you want to take with you to the end. Those are sheeps. Instead, the dogs are used by the pigs to get rid of those sheeps.
The Trekkies tell everyone that they missed their chance and don’t have a vote. However, as soon as he has a moment with his Reebok friends, Austin comes clean and admits he has a vote. The foursome debates whether Jake or Kendra goes home.
There may be many variations in the Multiverses but if I tell you that Dee is gunning for Kendra while Julie is the one pointing the target at Jake, which do you think will succeed? If you like, we can go back to our familiar Operator:
M|Dee/Julie(t)> = 0.99999 or, if you prefer:
M|Julie/Dee(t)> = 0.00001
The Operator reveals that in only 1 out of every 10 000 worlds Julie wins an argument over Dee, especially if Austin and Drew are the ones chosing sides.
The only variable was Emily which was strange since she didn’t have a vote. When she heard Drew mentioning Kendra she alsmost started a revolution saying it had to be Jake.
Why would a group of 4 listen to an isolated player, especially one with no votes? Yes, Julie’s reticence played a factor but one can only wonder why the show paid so much attention to what Emily wanted.
Tribal Council
Somehow, Drew entered Tribal Council with a sword. Which one? Well, it depends on which Universe you were observing. It was either:
1 - Excalibur: Neither Drew nor anyone else was able to remove the word from its stone so everyone was eliminated except for Bruce who was immune, Austin and Dee because of the immunity idols. So, in the worlds with Excalibur, we will be watching the final 3 next week with Dee, Austin and Bruce facing off.
Joyeuse Charlemagne’s sword has many legends and it certainly beheaded many foes but it also united Europe. The only way for this sword to be joyful is if everyone is safe so Drew eliminates Probst. Pagong tried to do it in Season one but it took until season 45 for someone to have the balls to carry it out.
Sting Frodo’s sword was good to scare Orchs and Gollom but it doesn’t do much against humans. Probst got mad when he saw Sting and threw it in the fire. He ordered the players to vote immediately and when the vote came back tied 3 – 3 between Kendra and Jake, he sent both to Loser Lodge without bothering for a revote. Jake had thrown his vote on Julie so he only had himself to blame for the 3-3-1 result.
Durandal: Roland’s sword was able to cut through boulders of stone with one strike. It’s power scared Drew so, in order to get rid of it, he quit on the spot.
Damocles: Subtly, Drew placed his sword high above his target’s head. Everyone was uncomfortable sitting there, answering Probst’s question knowing that, at any time, A sword could fall and kill them. In the end, Kendra, Drew’s real target, felt the wrath of Damocles.
When Jiffy read the votes, the wave function collapsed into a single reality, the only moment of truth on Survivor: Besides Kendra who wrote Jake’s name, everyone else with a vote put it on Kendra.
Jake learned his lesson and kept his mouth shut throughout the snuffing of the torch and the walk to camp but I am sure that all the creatures in the jungle that sleep at night were awakened by his maniacal laugh.
As the once mighty flagship of Reality TV struggles to keep its head above the 5 Million viewers line, other reality TV shows are popping up everywhere. This abundance of shows is not due to a sudden quantum leap in creativity, it was merely a way to put something, anything on the air during the fall strike by writers and actors.
These new shows offer a dearth of quality that reveals how the networks perceive their viewers: Mindless dumbasses who sit on their couch all evening with not enough money to pay for real entertainement and not enough intelligence to demand it.
Still, in an effort to gain a few viewers, producers of some reality TV shows offered their concept to the producers of Survivor to see if they could spice them up somewhat. The following Medley of Reality TV Shows was presented during the 90 minute 10th episode of Survivor:
Family Feud:
The Reebok Family and the Bellow Family have just completed the 9th episode in their long running feud. It concluded, as expected, with another Reebok Family win. The original show lacked a lot of drama so SeeBS decided that there should be on-screen feuding. With that in mind they won't end the show at the $20 000 dollars questionnaire. Instead, the cameras will follow the two families backstage and then all the way to their camping site. (Budgets are tight so stop paying for hotels)
Jake was happy to still be alive, he thought he had been left alone in a different Dimension.
(Yes, Jake’s words were the inspiration for last week’s Many-Worlds theme but onward and forward; new episode, new theme)
Jake goes on to say that he will play the nice little dog and hope the Reebok family adopts him.
Well that plan could work and a nice little dog could earn up to $85 000 if it makes Final 3. That certainly buys a lot of «Chewy» boxes. Can’t you see Jake’s tail wagging already?!
There were no tears shed for Kendra (except from the ghost of Richard Dawson that was heard in camp: «Why Kendra? She had nice boobies! ») as Drew quickly shifted the focus on Bruce who had won 2 immunities and still had his idol.
Notice that the Fijian Warrior has clearly sided with Reebok because it will soon be two consecutive targets of theirs that are eliminated after «invoking» him. Dare I say that a Reebok wins? Well I have been saying it will be Dee for a while now!
Dr. Drew
Like the argument about what is Prog Rock and what isn’t, we can debate whether these talkshows are Reality TV or not. They started well before the genre was «invented» by Survivor but they feature real people. Some will argue that the difference comes from the scripts that talkshows hosts use but I’ll object that Survivor is much closer to scripted drama than it was under Burnett.
Everybody has slept well now that they have more space. Everybody? Well, not quite everybody because Julie has aches and pains everywhere and especially in her neck and back.
After a quick consultation with Dr. Drew, Julie tells us that the cause of her symptoms is that she is a lying sack of sh*t and doesn’t deserve to be called Mama J by everyone. She says that in her real life she is loyal and trustworthy so this game is hard.
Those who think that players are exactly like who they are in real life should consult their doctor also
Snake Oil
I haven’t watched a second of this show because it seems like the dumbest thing ever but Bruce wants to test it on Survivor: He wants to sell the story that, being afraid of the «Knowledge is Power » advantage, he gave his idol to kellie and she left the game with it in her bag.
He asks Katurah: « Is it real or is it Snake Oil? »
To give you an idea of Katurah’s IQ, she bought the snake oil story, hook, oil and sinker. And then she gets mad when Bruce explains it was an act to see if he could fool the others.
Another 2-watt light bulb is Jake who also buys the Snake Oil story. This time Bruce lets him believe it because Jake is the kind of player that can’t keep his big fat mouth shut. If Jake can get the Reebok folks to drop four votes on him, Bruce will be happy to play his idol and yell « Snake Oil!!»
Yes, Bruce’s lie was the inspiration for this week’s theme: You can thank him on his way out.
The Amazing Race
Despite being the best Reality TV show on air, The Amazing Race has lost even more viewers than Survivor, standing presently under the 3 Million viewers mark. While most viewers like me have left because it’s become too formulaic and we hardly get to know the racers anymore, the producers of the show believe it’s because their challenges aren’t interesting enough. As if people watch these shows for the Mickey Mouse challenges! So for the Turkey leg of the race, they asked John Kirhoffer to design a « race » themed Roadblock.
Players will have to go through an obstacle course, retrieve a bag and then use a ball that was in that bag to maneuver a table maze.
Jiffy, taking Phil’s place, tells the players that the Pit Stop for this leg will be at the Turkey sanctuary but that not all racers will make it there.
Imagine that, finally a twist in the race!
Out of the gate, Austin takes the lead but he falters at the « Untying the Knots » stage where Jake takes the lead.
This is exciting: I have a same game parley on Autin winning and Emily finishing last but I think my bet is in danger.
Austin is 4th but at least Emily is way back. Hey! Austin made up the time under the net and is out first but it’s close. Emily has fallen to 6th place.
Jake handles the table as if it was a trampoline, maybe hoping his ball will jump through the maze.
Did I tell you that Jake is an imbecile?
Soon everyone’s ball drops out of the maze, except Emily's.
Of course Emily! I should have seen it. Who else would win a race where you have to go slow? I’d even say the slower the better...
Austin tries to make a comeback but he’s too herky-jerky while the camomille induced approach used by Emily earns her the win.
She will be followed to the pit-stop by Julie, Katurah and Dee which means we’re in for an episode of:
Then Real Housewives of Fiji
They talked about food, their families and dissed on the men, vowing to have a female winner. They even had Chippendale Drew giving them a show.
There’s a reason why I never watched a single episode of these Real Wives series.
America’s Funniest Videos
The guys didn’t have TVs to watch sports or porn so they went a little crazy, farting, burping and accomplishing nothing.
I really don’t see a winner coming from this sorry bunch.
The Wall, Shark Tank and a Carnival Game
Some shows are so desperately boring that the only way to save them is to combine them and hope to attract both groups of viewers! Who likes to watch a giant game of plinko? But what if it’s peolpe who are the plinko tiles dropping down the wall? And what if some openings at the end lead to a tank filled with real Sharks?
Katurah, for one, couldn’t imagine falling into the shark tank so she gave up and stepped off the wall. Why did she apologize for being a loser? No surprise here.
Soon, we had another episode of the Real House Wives of Fiji when Dee joined the other three women on the loser’s bench.
After a while, only Bruce and Austin hadn’t fallen into the shark tank. Realizing that watching people standing on a wall might not be interesting viewing even if it was for a million dollars, Jiffy started talking about a carnival game where you dunk a fool into a tank. Bruce didn’t see himself as a fool, so he dropped out. After all he was safe with his idol. That meant:
Austin wins immunity!
Traitors
In case you don’t know this show, here is a synopsis:
Twenty contestants arrive at a castle in the Scotish highlands with hopes of winning a share of the $250,000 prize. The players are referred to as the "Faithful" but among them are the "Traitors" – a group of contestants selected by the host, whose goal is to eliminate the Faithfuls and claim the prize for themselves. Should the Faithful contestants eliminate all the Traitors, they will share the prize fund, but if any Traitors make it to the end, they steal the money.
Each night, the Traitors come together and decide upon one Faithful contestant to "murder" and that person leaves the game immediately.
At SeeBS’ suggestion, the format will be tweeked a little: Each player will have a hand in «murdering» a Faithful but they have no idea if their vote will count: Only the votes that align with the Traitors’ plan will count. And, of course immunity and idols can spoil the vote.
Jake didn’t get a script of the show so he has no idea whether he’s a Faithful or a Traitor. It leads to a crisis of faith, not knowing who is telling him the truth and who is lying.
One unexpected Traitor turns out to be Emily who first listens to Katurah making a case to eliminate everyone's favorite Mama. Who wants to go to the end against someone’s mama?
Well Ethan did well against Mama Kim!
Emily then goes to Bruce to tell him the vote will go against Julie. Bruce loves hearing that but, damnit!, he is determined to play his idol.
Emily would love to eliminate Bruce but if he plays his idol, she’s not sure if she wants Jake or Julie to be the victim of a ricochet.
Tribal Council
Jiffy feels a different atmosphere at the start of Tribal Council.
It’s because Bruce doesn’t have immunity.
Austin says it hurts when it’s personal.
Jake doesn’t want to accuse them that they are targeting him personally but he feels dumb.
Jiffy says that often happens in this crazy game.
Julie admits that the title of mama is hard to wear. She feels terrible for having to lie to Kendra.
Emily says there are benefits to being the tribe’s mama.
Drew explains that the previous votes were easier but that this one requires more logisitics.
Kat says she’s worried about idols.
Emily, trying to earn jury points says that it’s time now to make a move since they are down to 8.
Jake says he’s all in for a move.
Julie says she feels safe.
Austin and Julie agree that an idol will be played.
Sensing that there is a general feeling about the idol, Jiffy « guesses » that they know who has an idol.
The group admits they expect seeing Bruce playing his idol.
Bruce confirms that he will do just that.
Knowing that people lie in this game, Jiffy says that even if he says he will play it doesn’t mean he will. Bruce nods.
It’s time to vote.
Will anyone – Hey! Bruce, he’s talking to you - play an idol? Everyone is looking at Bruce, the cameras focus on his face so closely that we can see his blood vessels pumping. Will Bruce play is idol? Could he be dumb enough not to play it? Well, in a word: YES!
So Jiffy reads the vote:
1s Vote = Jake (from Dee as we will shortly see)
2nd Vote = Jake (from Drew)
The women in the peanut gallery are disappointed: All this for a Jake vote? How lame. Only Kaleb is optimistic that the vote can still change.
3rd Vote = Jake (from Austin) The jury women sulk a little more
4th Vote = Julie (from Bruce) The peanut gallery suddenly stands at attention.
5th Vote = Bruce (from Kat) The jury smiles
6th Vote = Bruce (from Jake) The jury hyperventilates.
7th vote = Bruce (from Emily) The jury is breathing heavily
8th Vote, 11th person voted out of the game and 4th member of the jury = Bruce ( from Julie) The members of the jury have an orgasm!
Bruce is devastated but honored, Jake acknowledges Emily’s good move.
Next time on Survivor
Since everyone was on it besides Jake, it seems he was the only Faithful left so he cannot possibly win the game. How will the traitors proceed from here? They will have to turn on each other. Julie is ready to make a move that could propel her to the win or condemn her to the jury.
And it seems that we will have another Reality TV show segment: « THE LOVE ISLAND » starring Austin and Dee.
How do you come up with all these great ideas?! Bravo again!
The Amazing Race has lost even more viewers than Survivor, standing presently under the 3 Million viewers mark. While most viewers like me have left because it’s become too formulaic and we hardly get to know the racers anymore,
I'm still watching Amazing Race and with 90 Minutes this season you do get to know the racers more but it seems even less exciting at 90 minutes plus they removed Non-Elimination Legs.
Total Viewer drop for Survivor is 29.8 Million (Season 2 Peak) down to ~5 Million. Lost 24.8 Million (83.2%) of its Peak Viewers.
Total Viewer drop for Amazing Race is 11.9 Million (Season 17 Peak) down to ~3 Million. Lost 8.9 Million (74.8%) of its Peak Viewers.
Adding 30 Minutes to Survivor and The Amazing Race has NOT stopped the decline in Viewership for either show!
but if any Traitors make it to the end, they steal the money.
For those that didn't watch Traitors...
After Cirie Fields LOST Survivor FOUR Times (S12-4th, S16-3rd, S20-17th, S34-6th)...
Cirie WON Snake in the Grass splitting $100,000 with BB Rachel and Janelle
Cirie WON Traitors as the sole remaining Traitor so she took home the entire $250,000!
Unfortunately Cirie came in 5th Place in Big Brother 25 where she was the surprise 17th house guest playing with her son Jared.
As for the method to my madness. I listen to the survivors and a sentence sticks out that I can expand to the rest of the show. Last week, Jake mentioned feeling alone in his dimension so « parallel universes » was a natural fit especially since players always say that they each have their own reality, or sense of what is real.
This week, Bruce's dumb lie fit in with the Snake oil commercial where Spade has the audacity of saying that people on his show will lie in prime time for the first time. Has he ever listened to prime time TV?
Katurah's scare of the water made me think of sharks so shark tank followed.
21. "E11 - Do Unto Others As You Would Not Have Them Do Unto You "
LAST EDITED ON 12-09-23 AT 00:09 AM (EST)
Survivor has a way of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Always, the Players Rock the Boat and put many irons into the fire. They do not have to put off until tomorrow what they did the week before:
When Austin gave his idol to Julie he forgot that «Two in the hand is worth more than One » in Julie’s Bag. Austin acted as if he had « Too much too early. »
In order to get Bruce out of the game, Emily decided to « Make War, Not Love ». She decided to « Live and Let Die » by telling him that « Fiction is Stranger than the Truth. »
When Jiffy said it was time to play your idol, Bruce « Rested On His Laurels. »
Emily, « The Canary who Swallowed the Cat » would soon realize that « One Bad Turn Deserves Another »
Back in camp, the tribe decided to « Celebrate Good Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. » They poured themselves big glasses of Well Water. It was as if they were « Spending it all in one Place. »
Katurah said they « found a needle in a Haystack. » Now, she could hear « The Sound of Silence. »
When the others started wondering why Bruce wrote Julie’s name, Emily spoke up and proved once again that « it is easy to be wise after the event. » She wanted them to « Give the Devil Her due » so she revealed that she was « a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothings. »
Sitting away from the others, The Reebok 4 were savoring their numbers not realizing that « Two is Company but Four is an Orgy. » For Austin this was like a gift from the Mafia but soon Drew would « look that Gift Horse in the Mouth » and realize it had bad breath.
Before that though, Dee and Austin savoured a moment of intimacy. They even reminisced about the Romber showmance which is « Getting Long in the Tooth. »
Dee originally saw Austin as a 5 but after 6 months on Survivor he’s become her 10. She knew « showmances were big Red Flags » but her friends knew she’d find her husband on « Love Survivor Style. »
Maybe some say that Austin is the most complete Survivor out there but how come he feels that Dee completes him? He’s so enraptured that he’d want her to win.
The Fijian Warrior jumped out right after these words. He was telling Austin « To Be Careful What He Wished For » while giving us a big hint that Dee would indeed win.
In another example of « Being Careful What You Wish For » Jake was counting his votes. Didn’t he ever hear the song that goes: « You never count your VOTES when you're sittin' at the Beach. » He’s counted 7 votes and wishes he doesn’t get another one.
I’m a Gambler and I’m all in on this one: Jake will not get a vote when it comes time to select a winner!
When Katurah joins him, Jakes makes another wish this time about « the Applecart being upset somewhat. »
Katurah doesn’t understand the meaning of applecart.
I mean, come on Katurah! It’s a portemanteau word especially constructed to make it easy to understand. I hope you understand another portemanteau word that fits you snuggly and that word is « Dumbass. »
This led to a sentimental scene where Katurah said she was « Losing (her) Religion. »
The next morning, a sound wakens the cast. At first they wonder: « It’s a bird...It’s a Plane...It’s Superman! » No, it’s just a boat. One must get on board. Jake wants to but he has to let the others decide and the decisions is to pick rocks. Emily’s gets the green one but she’s not happy about it. She’s thinking: « I don’t need a boat, I just need therapy. »
No one forced you to pick rocks. Here’s to another dumbass.
As soon as Emily is out of sight, Julie proves this saying: « The price of success is to bear the criticism of envy »
For Julie, it’s clear: Emily has to go.
Drew doesn’t give her the response she expected. Drew is hungover and « one of the curious effects about a bad hangover is that you think you’re wrong. » So Drew starts questioning his whole game alliance with Julie. For him Julie’s hold on the idol is like « Gollom with the ring »
Dee does agree with Julie about Drew’s crack : « He already has a buttcheek in each alliance. »
Since Drew is close to Emily, Dee wanted Emily to be next but she worried about what Emily could gain during her expedition.
Dee may as well « believe in the boogeyman! »
In reality, for Emily, the trip to the island was a case of « Veni, Vidi, it kicked her ass back to camp. » For her it was indeed the 4th quarter of the game and she fumbled the ball.
Practicing for the fire challenge with Jake, Katurah expresses one of my long held opinions: «Why can’t we vote someone out at 4 »
Of course, I always add «and at three » but I have long lost hope of that ever happening again. The gambler in me comes back to say that one of Jake or Katurah wins that Fire-Challenge!
When Drew throws Julie’s name under the bus, Katurah is quick to say that she wants to become a serial killer that jumps out of the shadows and gets rid of people. She wants to be « Kat the Ripper. »
The editors missed a nice opportunity: Jake had his machete in hand and he was thinking along the same line so why not show his confessional instead and have us call him « Jake the Ripper? » Doesn’t it have a nice ring?
But since Katurah was the one chosen to talk about making big moves, wasn’t it facinating to see her walking right behind Austin? She had his back in plain sight. Could she be the one that backstabs him if it happens?
When Emily comes back to camp, she realizes the game is down to a Julie versus Emily showdown at the OK Corral.
But first, we’ll have a showdown in Mickey Mouse’s Backyard, better known as the Challenge.
It will be a combination Reward and Immunity challenge.
Do you realize how many words comes out of Probe’s mouth during a challenge? He was enjoying giving rope to all his colorful fish, tiring them before declaring a winner. For me, the following saying fit the scene: « A fool is made more of a fool, when their mouth is more open than their mind»
Austin, probably doing the same as I always do during a challenge, didn't listen to Jiffy’s information and that opened the door for Drew to win immunity.
When Drew picked Jake and Austin for an afternoon with the boys, Dee started worrying. She imagined herself being in the boys’ mouth as they gobbled up burgers, hot dogs and all the fixin’s.
In a case of « when the cat is away, the mice will play », the women had a spa day. For them, it was « all quiet on the Fiji front » because, as Katurah put it, half were plotting to eliminate Julie while the other half were plotting against Emily. It was a Mexican Stand-off, a Stalemate, a case of MAD (Mutual Assured Destruction), a Zugzwang.
For the boys, it was a little different, more like a Mexican Fiesta, a Sated Mouth, a case of BAD (Burger Assured Destruction), a Chugalug.
Ha! Ha! You didn’t think I’d have anything to juxtapose with Zugswang did you?!
When the boys started talking strategy, did you notice the return of an old Survivor editing tradition? It was back: The FOG of WAR When the boys’ plan turned against Julie we saw them through the smoke of the Bar-B-Q fire. That editing trick has been proven right every time: A plan discussed behind the Fog of War will always fail and so did this one.
Jake told us that he felt he had been playing the role of a tree in a children’s play but that now he had more of a supporting role.
Yes, Jake, your tree has become the bench that is supporting these asses
The Return of the Prodigal Sons didn’t live up tp its billing because it was mostly Drew curling up inside the shelter, close to puking all the burgers he had just eaten.
Austin was wrestling with his conscience and he wasn’t winning: We just knew that he was going to reveal the plan to Dee. As soon as that happened, you knew that Dee would tell Julie and that the two would put on an act all the way to the reading of the vote.
But Hell hath no Fury like a woman scorned so who would pay for this egregious act? Usually the woman unleashes her anger at the man who spurned her but here, Drew is safe. Does that only leave Austin? Of course not! The other woman can also be the target of that anger. Here, oddly enough, beause of a slip of the tongue, Dee telling Julie that Austin was her number 1, we could also see an innocent bystander get striken.
Casting Doubts on the winner is the editors’ main job at this point.
In the end, despite all the lies, half-truths and innuendos, Julie played her idol.
Jiffy read 6 parchments that had Julie’s name on it.
Then he turned the last parchment, the one written by Julie and it had one name:
EMILY
For Emily, the morale of the story is: « It is not enough to learn how to ride, you must also learn how to fall »
I must admit she did so gracefully but she will never get back up.
For us, the morale is: When a situation contradicts so many well established sayings then you know that the situation isn’t real life. Despite all of Survivor’s hardships revealing the character of a person, these players know they are in a game and they can put on an act, they can lie even if it isn’t in their nature.
Welcome back my friends to the game that never seems to end. We are again about to watch ordinary people playing their Karn Evil games for which they have to go from one tent to another.
Since SeeBS sees you all as senile old folks with short-term memory impairement, this episode starts with a reminder that Dee and Austin are playing a game of «Mom and Dad» on some forsaken strip of beach in Fiji.
Admitedly, not a bad place for young love but I’m more worried about the timing while others are more concerned about personal hygiene. To that concern, I say it’s fun to get down and dirty.
We are also whacked over the head that Drew wants his ex-ally Julie out. Austin’s dilemma becomes: Does he tell his love Dee or does he keep her in the dark? Of course he tells her and of course Dee tells Julie and of course Julie plays her idol and of course Emily is gone.
Did you notice how often « of course » came up in that last sentence? The answer is: FOUR times and this show thinks it has suspense up to the end!
Game Tent #1 Highlights from the previous game of « Whack-a-Mole »
Back in camp, the kids start talking about their latest game of « Whack-a-Mole » where everyone tried to «Whack-a-Julie » but she kept herself safe and, instead, she managed to « Whack-E-Mily ».
Game Tent #2: Presenting Shakespeare for Kids: MacBeth
(Playing the role of Lady MacBeth tonight will be Dee Valladeres)
Austin MacBeth is puzzled about the recent death of Lady Emily. He suspects that his wife, Lady MacDee, had something to do with it. He questions her but Lady MacDee is very much the dominant figure in her relationship with her husband. She easily manipulates him into believing that she didn’t tell her caretaker, Julie, anything about the assassination plot. To prove her honesty, Lady MacDee even swears on her mother, Grand-Lady MacOldDee’s, life. Showing that he is indeed complete, a complete moron that is, Austin MacBeth believes her.
MacDrew enters stage left and confronts Macbeth and his lady.
(In this version of the play, MacDrew is as dumb as a nerd can be. Of course, Shakespeare’s limited (!) vocabulary didn’t include the term « nerd » because it’s earliest use was in another play by the superiorly brilliant Dr. Seuss. It was in his 1950 play « I Ran the Zoo » that the term first appeared and its slang use began the following year. End of the parentheses and back to the play.)
MacDrew came in ready to chop their heads off but, instead, he simple agrees with the duo that it was Lady MacBeth’s caretaker who was solely responsible for this mess. MacDrew is so upset with Julie that he pushes her off stage as if she was his ex-girlfriend that had showed up at his wedding.
As if MacDrew ever had ex-girlfriends and much less a fiancée!
Boy is this a bad play and the « actors » have no illusions about it.
Drew admits that he won’t win an Oscar for his perfomance as MacDrew. He calls himself a bad actor.
In the very next interview, Dee says she doesn’t know how she sold it. She just pretended to be stupid. She proceeds to admit that she isn’t a good actor so does that mean that being stupid wasn’t an act?!
At least the morale of the play as expressed by Dee is spot on (let me put this in bold since my detractors are short-sighted): The ACTING IS AS IMPORTANT AS FINDING AN IDOL AND KEEPING IT TO HIMSELF.
Note that a local warrior was invited to watch this play and he agreed with Lady MacBeth’s Caretaker: MacDrew will die before the end of this presentation.
Game Tent #3: Find a Needle in a Haystack – First Part:
Katurah is our first participant but let’s face it: She has as much chances of finding that idol as a 10 year-old would have batting against the Ryan Express in his best years. She does the only thing she can: She tries to bunt her way to the idol while everyone’s asleep. Problem was that the defense was playing way in so she’s quickly tagged by Austin.
Band on the Run:
Pushed into a corner by Julie about the future of the Reebok 4, Drew compares them to the Fab Four just when they were about to break up. They were ready to embark on their solo careers but now it’s time for a reunion tour.
Unfortunately it didn’t happen to John, Paul, George and Ringo but here we can be happy that it’s all talk and no substance. Drew couldn’t even look Julie in the eyes when he made that promise showing once again that he is a bad actor.
Game Tent #4: A Barrell Race
If you think you are in for an exciting horse race around barrells like they have at the Calgary Stampede you are sadly mistaken. Not only would the ASPCA and Peta call for a boycott of SeeBS but it would also mean a big increase in the challenge budget of Survivor (the insurance, the transportation and care of horses, the training of riders, etc…) that would probably cut into Probe’s income and we can’t have that.
So, instead, the Survivor Mickey Mouse version has the 6 riders standing on barrell that are turned to roll on their sides and they have to make their way to the other end of the arena. Well, that could have been funny if they had nothing to help them but then it would have taken HOURS to complete that race and you know that Probe wants to keep his lobster and steak dinner reservation. Anyway, he cannot suffer being under the sun for more than a few minutes at a time so the dream team was tested to make sure it was quick and dull.
Austin wins the race
Game Tent #5: A Slide Puzzle.
Yes, Slide puzzles are the rage right now: Commissionner Probe has awarded a new franchise to Las Vegas that will be known as the « Sliders ». They are building a new 20 000 capacity arena right along the strip to showcase America’s fastest growing Sport.
Austin finishes a 5 (Five!) piece slide puzzle in a matter of seconds.
The Millions of viewers are exhausted after watching so much drama, so much intensity. For some reason, they think it was worth their time.
Game Tent #6 Mama J Babysits two neighborhood Kids.
It is a dream Porno scenario: The MYLF alone with two young studs. Well... Here you can complain all you want against Casting if they think Drew is anything close to a young stud!
Suffice it to say that Julie and Drew are pissed while Jake plays the role of a tree once again.
Game Area #7 Find the Sandspit in the middle of the Ocean.
Austin chooses Dee and Katurah to help him complete that task so they climb into an helicopter and start flying around.
As an aside, it was funny to hear Drew complaining about never being picked. Did it come as a consolation prize that they would pick him to join the jury by the end of the episode?
Just to rub it in the helicopter pilot did a Fly over of the Dakuwaqa camp (That name would be worth a lot of points if we were playing scrabble but alas...) That Fly over was savage but as Jake points out they couy=ld feel miserable but they are on Survivor which is pretty good after all.
During the ride Katurah realizes she’s the 3rd wheel but she’s keeping her head in the game.
Finding the sandspit, the trio wins a picnic as reward.
Dee is happy that Austin put actions behind his words. Choosing her to go on the trek is, for her, proof of his undying love.
Actually, what proves his undying love his watching his personal video from back home and realizing that I was being generous in awarding Austin a five for his looks pre-game. Was he even a 2 during his teenage years? That chubby acned-covered nerd would never have interested someone like Dee outside of Survivor.
Breaking the 4th wall, we heard a field interview. Someone in production asked: «What’s the deal with you and Austin? »
Notice how swiflty the camera cut from the interview to show the trio back on the sandspit just when Dee says « OK, let’s spice things up. » She was talking about the food of course but the implication was that things are indeed spicing up between the two.
We cut back to the interview to see that Dee was blushing especially when the producer went with a follow-up comment: « You’re acting as if you were a little bit smitten. »
Adorably, Dee had to admit she was, that Austin was a cool guy and that she liked him.
Game Tent #8: Find a Needle in a Haystack – Second Part:
With the three players that are part of his strategy gone, Jake realizes he’s alone with his next two targets. He needs points to show to the jury so he goes looking for an idol. Now, I’m not saying he’d do much better than Katurah against Nolan Ryan’s fastball but he’s probably played more ball than she did so the ball could hit the bat and then who knows? In any case, Jake finds first a clue then the idol which quickly turns into a « crotch Idol. »
Did you notice that the music when Jake set off on his quest was a military march? The musical editor, by using a very loud drum beat, was spoiling the outcome of his quest by putting very determinded, very dynamic tones to the music
Game Tent #9 – Giant Ping Pong
Well, when I saw the setup that’s what I imagined: Ping Pong played with huge paddles and big balls. BUT NOOOO, instead we have:
Game Tent #9 – Do the Flamingo
Isn’t this exciting? The players will imitate statues of flamingos resting on one leg while the other keeps the big ball balanced on the giant Ping Pong paddle. Nothing better than watching 6 tired players trying to do nothing for as long as they could. For one, Jake had expected more: He wanted to play Cannibal in the jungle.
In the end, we had Dee and Austin competing against each other and, like usual in a marriage, the wife after a lot of nagging, won.
After the game was done we had the traditional « Kiss of Death » confessional meaning that the person selected to give that confessional just before the last stretch has often been the one voted out. Not always, of course, you still want some doubt left but when that player exhibits a lot of hubris, like Drew did in this confessional, it’s often a sign that the tables are about to get turned.
Game Tent #10: Back to « Whack-a-Mole ».
One player who cannot be whacked is Dee and she’s happy to have beaten the men. She is giving them a run for their money whether they like it or not.
I’m thinking once again that this is a hint that she will indeed run away with the money.
Austin is the first to take a whack and he aims for Julie’s cubby-hole. On the surface, Jake, Drew and Katurah are willing to whack-a-Julie also but, speaking in the third person, Jake says that it doesn’t help Jake’s game if he simply follows order. Jake wants Jake to decide who to whack.
And I thought he said he wasn’t a mobster!
To Julie, whom he sees as being without options, he suggests whacking-a-Drew instead. Wanting absolute control, Jake continues his rounds and tries to recruit Katurah. She is ready to Whack-a-Drew. Jake would like to keep Dee out of it which makes him realize that he’s repeating the same move he tried to keep Kaleb except that time he had been hoping to whack-a-Julie and now he’s trying to avoid it.
Funny that the move that really put him in trouble is the one that will carry him further.
Despite Jake’s hesitation, Katurah approaches Dee and the two yell out Drew’s name simultaneously. That makes them jump for joy, Katurah because she thinks she has an ally, Dee because it tells her that her plan to Whack-a-Drew is being pushed by others!
MacBeth – The Last Scene.
Austin MacBeth and MacDrew are best of friends and MacBeth is ready to have MacDrew and Lady McDee present at his coronation. The problem is that Lady MacDee sees MacDrew for what he is: A mastermind who could ruin everything. She wants him out but if she tells Austin MacBeth about the assassination plan, he might use his magical shield to protect MacDrew. After all the shield loses its magic after this night and Austin MacBeth doesn’t feel any harm coming his way.
The fact that Dee kept her mouth shut and didn’t tell Austin about the change of plans in the exact reverse situation than the previous cycle proves that she is a much better player than him. Well, some might say that Dee isn’t into Austin as much as he is into her but I say “Poppycock” to that. It suffice to see that Dee is smitten with Austin to know that it was just as hard for her as it was for him. In general, women are much more romantic than men, especially in the early stages of a relationship so she is risking just as much if not more than he did.
Piling on to the hubris he showed after the challenge, Drew feels that everything has gone according to plan which is amazing since it doesn’t happen often in Survivor.
Well, better luck next time, Drewll
Game Tent #11 – Limbo time: How low can you go?
Drew thinks that the bar is much higher for him than it is for Julie because he can see Final 3 while she has to get so low to the ground that her horizon is blocked.
Everyone liked that analogy, even the Peanut Gallery.
Wisely, Dee told Probe that she had a Final 3 in mind just like everybody else but that the real Final 3 won’t play out like what anyone thinks.
It was time to Whack-a-Mole so everyone picked their mallet and went to the back of the tent to take their whack.
Probe went to tally those whacks.
Coming back, he asked if any anti-whack-idols were being played.
Austin said he didn’t need souvenirs so he played his idol on himself.
So, Probe counted the whacks:
1st it was Whack-a-Julie
2nd we had another Whack-a-Julie
But then, one, two, three Whack-a-Drews came out one after the other.
Drew and Austin were stunned while the Peanut Gallery was close to reaching orgasm again.
One whack was left. Once more, Probe ruined it by saying “13th person voted out and 6th member of our Jury: Drew was whacked.
I always hope that Probe will remain silent and simply flip the parchment leaving us time to absorb the revelation.
Next Time on Survivor it comes down to one important question: No, it’s not who will be the Sole Survivor. We already know that it will be Dee. What people want to know is whether Dee and Austin are still together.
So many Reality TV shows based on playing games recently:
CBS The Challenge USA Season 2
CBS Buddy Games
Netflix Squid Games: The Challenge ($4.56 Million Dollars!)
CBS Big Brother Reindeer Games
Even E! House of Villains (with Johnny Fairplay!)
etc.
Regarding...
"Austin finishes a 5 (Five!) piece slide puzzle in a matter of seconds."
Magic of Editing made it look like it only took seconds.
While a "normal" 3x2 Grid 5-Piece Slide puzzle is very simple requiring an Average of 12.6 Moves to Solve...
This modified 5-Piece Puzzle with L shaped blocks and one Square is considerably more Difficult! YouTuber Peridiam ranked this as the FIFTH most Difficult Puzzle Challenge in Survivor History!
From the starting position it requires 27 Moves but since you can move pieces a 1/2 square, most Apps count 27 Moves as 54 Moves!
From slide puzzles to jigsaw puzzles to stairs, ladders, bridges, planks, banners, tables mazes, and yes, even cubes... here are the top 5 most difficult puzzle challenges in Survivor.
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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