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northernlights 5058 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 08:03 AM (EST) "Leave a message after the beep..." I received this email this morning and had to laugh at some of them. Now I just need to decide which one to use. Mandy would likely agree that I need to spice up my message seeing as she's talked my answering machine a couple times. Any suggestions? These are actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world famous international institute of answering machine answers. 1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. 2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here, so leave a message. (This is mine... T..) 3. Speak. 4. Hi, Now you say something. 5. Hi, I'm not at home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. 6. Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you? 7. (From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Santo. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy message," I call you sooner! 8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. 9. Hello, You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. 10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. 11. Hi. I am probably home. I'm avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. (like this one) 12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. 13. If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't answer the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it is safe to leave us a message. 14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. 15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you. Beep!   Top

Subject     Author     Message Date     ID    RE: Leave a message after the beep.... Drive My Car 10-02-03 1    RE: Leave a message after the beep.... pythonfan 10-02-03 5    That was one of my favs too northernlights 10-02-03 7  RE: Leave a message after the beep.... Coconut 10-02-03 2    RE: Leave a message after the beep.... Drive My Car 10-02-03 3        RE: Leave a message after the beep.... Coconut 10-02-03 4            RE: Leave a message after the beep.... Drive My Car 10-02-03 6                Hey Buggy... northernlights 10-02-03 9                    RE: Hey Buggy... Coconut 10-02-03 10                        Not carp...but will sole do? northernlights 10-02-03 11                            Party! moonbaby 10-02-03 14                                Start baking Moonie! northernlights 10-02-03 16                                    RE: Start baking Moonie! Coconut 10-02-03 17                            RE: Not carp...but will sole do? Coconut 10-02-03 15                                As tempting as that sounds... northernlights 10-02-03 20                                    You deserve a Coconut 10-02-03 22                    Menu Drive My Car 10-02-03 13  RE: Leave a message after the beep.... smiley 10-02-03 8  RE: Leave a message after the beep.... tjstein 10-02-03 12  Deep Dark Secret true 10-02-03 18    RE: Deep Dark Secret Drive My Car 10-02-03 19    answering machines moonbaby 10-02-03 21  RE: Leave a message after the beep.... DoodleBug 10-02-03 23

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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 08:26 AM (EST) 1. "RE: Leave a message after the beep..." CUTE! I like number 8. Mine used to say " Please leave a message , thanks" not the number, not who we were. Now the tape thingy is messed up, and I'm having trouble finding finding a replacment. So the machine has no outgoing message. It just picks up and beeps. It records messages just fine, but has no outgoing message. I have no idea why this seems to screw people up so bad. I mean seriously it Beeps, it is obviously a machine. Why can't people get that? I have a friend who has told me 3 times that she can't leave a message, I tell her yes, just talk when it Beeps. She still doesn't get it. I figure if she can't understand the machine, her message isn't important anyway. Just went looking at new ones ( the kind with no tape) and they are expensive (even at the Walmart) I bet we could think of some even better ones for you Lights.   Top

pythonfan 3348 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 10-02-03, 08:39 AM (EST) 5. "RE: Leave a message after the beep..." We have one similar to this. http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.gsp?cat=3977&dept=3944&product_id=2194571&path=0%3A3944%3A3977%3A4518 works fine, no tape $20 "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling snow while it is still snowing." -Phyllis Diller   Top

northernlights 5058 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 08:56 AM (EST) 7. "That was one of my favs too" I'm actually thinking of using it because our answering machine has to be reset whenever the power goes out and it ends up doing the same thing as your's does Buggy. Just beeps, no message. I agree with you though, like Coco said, it's 2003, people should know what to do by now. I'm kinda fond of #11 too. That's the real reason we got call display. There was this girl that kept calling me all the time and I didn't want to have anything to do with her. She's a real cling-on and drove us all crazy. Her husband is a sweetie but she's just plain weird. BTW Buggy ~ congrats on the new addition to your family (aka Smokey ~ he's real pretty for a FORD ). Sorry to hear about the job situation but you'd been sleeping with the cable guy long enough. Finally, good luck with the not smoking. I almost had it beat but once again I'm still smoking. Time for me to quit again very soon.   Top

Coconut 10856 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 08:31 AM (EST) 2. "RE: Leave a message after the beep..." My mum's friend's machine says "This is 2003. This is an answering machine. You know what to do." I likey. Inanely Humorous.   Top

Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 08:35 AM (EST) 3. "RE: Leave a message after the beep..." Exactly my point! Why can't people know that when it beeps they should just talk and leave a message?   Top

Coconut 10856 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 08:37 AM (EST) 4. "RE: Leave a message after the beep..." Beep, beep, buggy!   Top

Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 08:44 AM (EST) 6. "RE: Leave a message after the beep..." leave a message   Top

northernlights 5058 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 08:59 AM (EST) 9. "Hey Buggy..." It's lights. What's on the menu today? I'm hungry.   Top

Coconut 10856 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 09:07 AM (EST) 10. "RE: Hey Buggy..." I don't know about you, but I'm having carp for lunch and carp for dinner, because I have to work like a maniac all day and I have been abandoned for a hunting trip. *sob* Inanely Humorous.   Top

northernlights 5058 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 09:19 AM (EST) 11. "Not carp...but will sole do?" Today's lunch will be leftover M & M's Breaded Sole Fillet and Ceasar Salad. Aw, there there Coco honey *hugs* ~ pack a bag and come visit me ~ but maybe you could leave the gangerous (or however you spell that) cat behind cause mr lights is allergic. I'm going to be in your shoes on Thanksgiving weekend as mr lights is going to Cochrane with his brothers for a long weekend of hunting. Oh well, I'll have the cottage to myself and will be able to do my own thing all weekend. Works for me. Maybe you should come visit that weekend and leave mr coco home without a toilet. Probably wouldn't be as much of a problem for him though now would it? Speaking of cats ~ I wonder if my son's cat came back yet. While moving yesterday the cat got outside and they weren't able to catch it. Hope the little bugger came back or he will have spent a cold night outside in the snow.   Top

moonbaby 17120 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 09:41 AM (EST) 14. "Party!" At the house of lights Thanksgiving weekend! WOOHOO! I make a really good pumpkin pie. *wheedle wheedle*   Top

northernlights 5058 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 09:58 AM (EST) 16. "Start baking Moonie!" *snicker* Just checked the calender and noticed there will indeed be a full moon that weekend! Woohoo! Moonie's coming for Thanksgiving! Excellent wheedling by the way Moonie!   Top

Coconut 10856 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 09:59 AM (EST) 17. "RE: Start baking Moonie!" mmm.. pumpkin pie... feed me   Top

Coconut 10856 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 09:56 AM (EST) 15. "RE: Not carp...but will sole do?" See, now that would be fun! We could rent girly movies, shovel snow, and.. oh. My mother is coming to visit. Want to have Thanksgiving dinner in Chicoutimi? Inanely Humorous.   Top

northernlights 5058 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 11:09 AM (EST) 20. "As tempting as that sounds..." >Want to have Thanksgiving dinner in Chicoutimi? I think I'll have to pass this year! There was a time when I thought that Thanksgiving in Temiscaming was the worst thing in the world ~ then I remembered Chicoutimi. *snicker*   Top

Coconut 10856 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 11:33 AM (EST) 22. "You deserve a" *WHACK* today! Inanely Humorous.   Top

Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 09:28 AM (EST) 13. "Menu" Thursday, hell day, I hate it! On my line I serve the very popular Calzones. ( It's just the pizza rolled up, but they are yummy) So I have to serve nearly twice as many kids as usual and my line is the most popular anyway. I'll still be serving 10 minutes after the other lines are closed, and I have to work faster to get everyone fed. Plus I am going to run out of food. Last week I had 200 calzones, 100 slices of pizza, 30 chicken sandwiches, 30 cheeseburgers, 20 hamburgers, 10 hot dogs, and I still ran out of food. ( they got me sandwiches and burritos from the other lines so everybody eats) Kill me now.   Top

smiley 2009 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Roller Coaster Inaugurator" 10-02-03, 08:56 AM (EST) 8. "RE: Leave a message after the beep..." They are cute My best friend has a funny one. "Hi this is Michelle. I am off frolicking somewhere so leave a message and I will get back to you"   Top

tjstein 1960 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Herbal Healing Drugs Endorser" 10-02-03, 09:25 AM (EST) 12. "RE: Leave a message after the beep..." When I was younger and more annoying than I am presently, I used to have outrageously long outgoing messages on my machine. I think my roommates humored me to the best of their ability. One of my favorites went a little something like... *game show announcer voice* "Good evening and welcome to Yes, No, Maybe! Yes! You have reached Janet, Chrissy & Jack! No! We can't come to the phone right now! and if you leave a message Maybe! we'll call you back." good times   Top

true 9689 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 10:02 AM (EST) 18. "Deep Dark Secret" I hate answering machines. Yep, that's right, I don't have one. Well, I kinda have one, as callnotes is included in my telephone service package, but it doesn't work, cause the fax machine picks up first. I figure if it's important they'll call back, or call my cell phone. I also hate leaving messages on those machines, and frequently hang up. (Buggy, those hang ups were me..heehee) -The best things in life are true.   Top

Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 10:04 AM (EST) 19. "RE: Deep Dark Secret" at least you have figured out how mine works   Top

moonbaby 17120 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 11:18 AM (EST) 21. "answering machines" LAST EDITED ON 10-02-03 AT 11:21 AM (EST) I didn't have one for the longest time. The complaints I got-Why don't you have a machine? Get a machine!! If you had a machine you would have known we were planning to meet at blah blah blah right near your house...get a machine!! You know what? I got the machine and all those people who complained I didn't have one HANG UP now when they get it! AAAAARGH! Some of these same people then started in on me about a cell phone! Sheeshbobeesh, it never ends! Oh, and I absolutely REFUSE to get a computer chip implanted for tracking purposes. SO THERE   Top

DoodleBug 5133 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-02-03, 11:40 AM (EST) 23. "RE: Leave a message after the beep..." If you call my cell phone and I don't answer, you might get this message.... "Hello. This is {insert name}'s cell phone. I must be at home. If I'm not at home later, I'll call you back." BEEP   Top

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