LAST EDITED ON 05-10-01 AT 07:46 PM (EST)LAST EDITED ON 05-10-01 AT 07:40 PM (EST)
In honor of my first post on OT, something mildly amusing (I hope). Warning: Lame-o-meter reading = high. Enjoy.
Voiceover:
Have you ever wondered why bum fluff is blue?
Have you ever wondered why Martha Stewart just isn't?
Have you ever wondered why Madonna can't act?
Have you have ever wondered why clowns can pick a fight in an empty room?
Have you ever wondered why Tina Wesson is so 'flat' that you could land an aeroplane on her?
Host: Well you've come to the right place, trivia pickers. We have assembled the most wordly-wise panel on the face of this earth to debate the most burning issues of the second. So without further ado, let's get straight into it. Let's begin with you Master Surviorerist. Sir..
Survivorerist: Amber
Host: I'm sorry?
Survivorerist: Amber
Host: Like the color?
Survivorerist: Amber, Amber, Amber, Amber....
Host: Um, yes. Ms. Kira?
VampKira: I suck.
Host: Well that's very honest of you.
VampKira: Literally I mean. Blood.
Host: I see, thanks for the clarification. I'll come back to you in a moment. Moving on to the lovely Ms Blu?
BluSavana: *lol*
Host: What's so funny?
BluSavana: Well...I..
Dalton: Oh shut it.
Host: That was kind of rude don't you think Ms. Dalton?
Dalton: Listen here nimrod. I haven't got time for lame ducks like you. I will say what is on my mind and I couldn't give two figs if you bloody like it or not.
VampKira: Mmmm. Blood.
Host: Let's not get hostile here.
Dalton: Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.
Host: And what have we done to make you so irrate?
Idiotcowboy: Can I interject here host?
Host: By all means.
Idiotcowboy: Here's my take. OK, let's first use pseudonyms to protect the real identities.
Host: Of course.
Idiotcowboy: Well, take a woman we shall call, um, Scerry. Scerry is quite a b!tch and likes to whore herself by any means, foul or fair. Now let's add a gal called Not Fat Dizzy. She is the opposite of Scerri. Dizzy has a best male friend, Rubher, who in turn has a respect for a guy called Clobby. He respects him because he is strong and atheletic. Unfortunately, Clobby is not as bright as he would appear. You see, he recently turned down a million dollars because he really believed love makes the world go round. So a southern lass, Weener benefited instead. You following so far?
Host: er...
Idiotcowboy: Good. Now, Clobby has a thing for older woman. How is that relevant you ask? Well, Clobby's infatuation with Weener was only matched by his hatred for Scerry and her male equivalent, Cheech.
Host: Like Cheech and Chong ha ha
Idiotcowboy: Whatever. Anyway, Cheech thought he was the business. So Clobby decided to put him in his place. Weener helped him out. Last anyone's heard, Cheech is taking a lessons in false modesty and attending cooking staple foods CLASS 101. My point therefore is if Alicker pumps iron and you can't smell or see Bic, the dynamic is 4-3.
Host: Thank you Mr. Poke. Insightful as always. But that's only my opinion. What about the panel. Shall we put it to a vote?
BluSavana: Yes *lol* Gotta love the cowboy.
Dalton: Ask me if I care.
Survivorerist: Amber!
VampKira: I hate garlic.
DangerKitty: Two paws up!
DriveMyCar: Honk honk
Host: Ms Lisa, what about you?
ItzLiza: ItzLiza
Host: Yes. Lisa.
ItzLiza: Are you taking the piss? I said ItzLiza.
Host: Nevermind.
DangerKitty: Hey, that's my line!
ItzLiza: One more time. ItzLiza.
Host: Sorry folks. Gotta break for a commercial. Be right back. More fascinating chat ahead. Don't go away now.
HARDTALK part 2
Host: Welcome back to the debate. Nice to chat to you all as always. Let's hand the floor to Ms DriveMyCar.
DriveMycar: You can call me Ebug.
Host: Sure, whatever toots your horn. Sorry, couldn't resist.
BluSavana: *lol* Behave!
Ebug: I am the hostess with the mostest. I welcome all to the dark side.
BluSavana: Luke, I am your father. *lol*
Dalton: Oh, for the love of....
Host: I understand you're very social, especially in a bar.
Ebug: It IS a great bar. So if you want great company, come on down to..
Host: Sorry, gonna have to interrupt Ebug. We can't have free advertising on our show. But for anybody in our audience or at home who wants the name of the bar+grill, send us a SAE and tell us in not more than fifty words why you don't need to get a life. In the meantime, I see we have the owner and barkeep with us.
BadAs: That would be me. People call me Typo, man.
Host: Sorry, I'm confused.
BadAs: I suffer from Dual Personality Disorder.
Host: Is it serious?
Typoman: Hardly. Now pour me and my friends a drink woman.
Surviorerist: Amber is a true woman. Amber, Amber, Amber...
Host: I'm not a woman. And this isn't a bar I'm afraid.
BadAs: I own this joint. So there.
Host: Yes, we've established that. Let's just move on. Mr Icecat, you're very quiet tonight.
Icecat: Sorry. I was thinking about seafaring kangaroos.
Host: <stares blankly>
Icecat: Well, I can explain it to you better with visual aids.
Host: Um, sorry no time for that but...
Icecat: Would you like to see my catscan?
Host: I'd rather not.
Icecat: It's just a lot of hair really.
Host: Right. Time's almost up. Ms Dalton, care for a few last words?
Dalton: Bite me.
VampKira: Bite you. I will.
Survivorerist: I'd love to bite into Amb..I mean, a meatball sub.
BadAs: Come to my bar+grill.
BluSavana: Soap anyone?
Idiotcowboy: If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.
DangerKitty: Got milk?
Icecat: Who let the dogs out?
Host: Well it's been lively as always. Thanks for tuning in. If you would like to pose a question to our panel for future discussion get in touch. You can call our answerphone service on 1-800-DUH or email us at www.boresnoregowhore.com! Until next time, this is your host saying, GO KUCHA!!
P.S. It's all in jest. Promise!
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