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PhoenixMons 4696 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold" 10-13-04, 01:35 PM (EST) "Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" Are ringing for my sister! She's set to be married in May to a guy she's only been dating for a little over a month. He's a good guy, they are a great match, and she really needs/deserves someone like him - someone who will treat her with respect. I just hope she's not jumping in feet first without looking where she's landing! It's my job as big sis to be protective and cautious, I know...I just hope she's ready. She broke up with her boyfriend of three years in June. He treated her like crapola, his family was a very traditional, patraiarchal Mexican family (they've been in the U.S. since I think only the late 80s or early 90s, maybe) - much like my step-dads' family - and she being a very passive person who changes at the whim of someone else's wishes, suffered immensely in this type of relationship. He demanded that he knew where she was 24-7 but didn't show her that same respect/courtesy. He didn't like that she was a dancer and she gave up her would-be lucrative career as a dancer in a VERY prestigious NYC modern dance company because he didn't think it was something she should do...that's how their realtionship worked. DH and I NEVER liked the guy (we've got good vibe radars, both of us) whereas he played the rest of my family. I told her she deserved better and she (as she often does) thought I was saying that he was too good for her. Now...I'm happy for her, don't get me wrong. I just hope she's thinking about this through and through and not just jumping at the first seemingly good thing to follow her ex. She dated a few people before she met this guy and actually, they met through someone she had met at one of those online dating services...his roommate. They hit it off instantly (she wasn't feeling the guy from the online thing and he wasn't feeling her either) and have been together almost constantly since. It's so hard for me to just say "congratulations" and smile and not say that I think she should take more time. She won't listen and it will only upset her, so I have to hold my tongue. I don't think he's the wrong choice, I just wish she'd take it a little slow is all. She bought a dress (local store had a big sale so she got it while the getting was good and cheap) and they've already picked out the dresses for me and my step-sister (the wedding party). Not exactly what I would have picked (especially not this color on me...just about the worst color for my complexion, save maybe fluorescent hues), but it is pretty and it's also not my wedding! I also have about 15-20 lbs. to shed by May so I need some encouragement. I am waiting till tomorrow (hahaha, isn't that always the story?) to start watching my food intake...I'm not missing out on birthday treats!!!! But I lose weight quickly, so I'm not too worried. Well...here's to my sister and her soon-to-be husband. That sounds so weird!!!! "Here is my secret. It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."   Top

Subject     Author     Message Date     ID    RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings NolayC 10-13-04 1    RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings PhoenixMons 10-13-04 5        RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings txmomma26 10-13-04 6            RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings PhoenixMons 10-13-04 8                RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings txmomma26 10-13-04 16  RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings Lasann 10-13-04 2  RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings Schnookie Palookie 10-13-04 3  RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings Immunegirl 10-13-04 4  RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings samiam 10-13-04 7  RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings qwertypie 10-13-04 9  RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings Skiver 10-13-04 10    RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings desert_rhino 10-13-04 11        RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings Skiver 10-13-04 12            RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings desert_rhino 10-13-04 13                RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings Skiver 10-13-04 14                    RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings desert_rhino 10-13-04 15                        RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings cqvenus 10-14-04 24    RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings angelworth29 10-13-04 17  This is your sister?! mrc 10-13-04 18  RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings frisky 10-13-04 19    RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings desert_rhino 10-13-04 20        RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings Spidey 10-13-04 21        RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings PhoenixMons 10-13-04 22            RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings udg 10-14-04 23                RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings desert_rhino 10-14-04 25                RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings Surveysez 10-14-04 26                    RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings desert_rhino 10-14-04 27                        RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings Surveysez 10-14-04 28

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NolayC 1251 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson" 10-13-04, 01:41 PM (EST) 1. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" You said "a month" right? ok then... just checking. I'd be sitting sis down and having a talk<--at this point I don't think it would matter which "talk" it was. Handcrafted by RollDdice. A month?   Top

PhoenixMons 4696 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold" 10-13-04, 01:47 PM (EST) 5. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" See I would be doing all of these things (I ALWAYS have taken the big sis role rather seriously in this regard...I had "the talk" with her after she told me she'd had sex for the first time - WITHOUT protection) except I really want her to make this decision without my influence. She always takes things the opposite of what is meant, so really, a talking won't really solve anything other than making her upset. Granted, I knew I would marry my dh after only being together for 2 weeks, but we didn't get married until 4.5 yrs later. In many ways I think it's a good thing for her because she's always been very boy crazy and just sort of likes a new boy every five seconds. Outside of her 3 yr relationship, she's only had one other serious relationship and that one ended when he left for Korea (Air Force) and they lost touch (they'd only been together I think 3 months before he left, but she had it pretty bad. I just hope she's not blinded by the idea of marrying this guy...I mean she's never really been a romantic so-to-speak..never had big dreams of big weddings or anything of that nature. But she falls and falls hard for guys and then of course, it's a big let down. I do know that she's grown and blossomed a lot since her break-up, I just don't know if it's too much too soon. Like I said, there's not really much point in expressing this bluntly because she'll just cry and think I'm calling her immature and the likes. I just don't like seeing her making hasty decisions when it's not absolutely necessary, KWIM? "Here is my secret. It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."   Top

txmomma26 5825 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 02:06 PM (EST) 6. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" I completely understand where you are coming from. But if I may play devil's advocate for a moment....They have been together for roughly a month, he obviously cares enough to ask to her to marry him, right? There's still 6 months between now and the wedding. That's quite a bit of time still out there...   Top

PhoenixMons 4696 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold" 10-13-04, 02:24 PM (EST) 8. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" This is very true! He's not yet 20 and she's just turned 22, which doesn't bother me as much as it probably bothers everyone else...I was 21 when I was married, and I know what it's like the just know. But knowing her personality, it's just hard to know how serious she will be long-term...with her quick-to-fall-head-over-heels self (she's been "in love" with hundreds of people since she was 9 yrs old..two were "loves" of men when she was 10 and then 15 that of course were seemingly harmless little crushes, only for her, she really thought she was in love), I worry about her ability to make a decision based upon how she REALLY feels and not just a fleeting moment of her being lovestruck, ya know. All in all, I'm very excited and I'm really nitpicking here. I just know my sister better than anyone else (or at least I like to think I do) and I know that I don't want to see her get hurt like she has a zillion times when something doesn't go as she planned it. As I said, they seem great together (he's very shy so he's hard to read, but he's definitely good guy and sweet as can be to my sister - which earns him HUGE bonus points form me)...it's just natural for me to worry...that is my job! Thanks for the insight though! "Here is my secret. It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."   Top

txmomma26 5825 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 03:42 PM (EST) 16. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" I was 18 when I met my ex husband (he was too) and swore he was "the one". We married a year and half later, divorced almost 6 years after that because he still acted like he was 19. It was one of the hardest realizations I've ever come to. He was just not ever going to grow up. I'm with you, age doesn't really matter. It's the maturity factor that can be a killer. BUT - (and it's a really big one) - if they are planning on starting a family any time soon, I'd have a serious talk with one or both about that. Because at that time in life, that's the deal breaker on a marraige. IMO.   Top

Lasann 3616 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge" 10-13-04, 01:41 PM (EST) 2. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" I'm feeling you. My sister has been married and divorced 4 (yes 4) times. She goes on a cruise two months ago and informs me she fell in love on the cruise. He's a cruise worker, from St. Lucia, 20 years younger!! She just returned from a 10 day trip to St. Lucia to meet everyone and is more in love. Gosh, what's a sister to do. Listen, be excited with them, and PRAY.   Top

Schnookie Palookie 16822 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 01:42 PM (EST) 3. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" While I would normally advise peeps to take things slow, if he's a great guy then perhaps it's the right thing. The dress looks lovely and I like the color. Good luck with the weight loss!!! A Gothmog original.   Top

Immunegirl 2304 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Seventeen Magazine Model" 10-13-04, 01:44 PM (EST) 4. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" I know nothing about getting married or having my sister get married. (I am hoping I get married before my sister, who is 11 years younger than me.) I just wanted to say hi! and I like the dress! Slice and Dice Chop Shop 2004   Top

samiam 5976 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 02:10 PM (EST) 7. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" At least it sounds like she's waiting until May to get married. That gives them a few months longer to get to know each other. I'd still be worried, though. But you can't talk to people when they're in love, y'know? Do I LOOK like a frickin' people person?   Top

qwertypie 9776 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 02:39 PM (EST) 9. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" I don't think there is anything you can really say to change her mind (At 22, I was soooo wise in the ways of the world), anything you say would be construed as interferring and would blind her to any second thoughts she might have. Just be the wonderful big caring sister that you have been. He sounds like a good guy. Good luck! Slice & Dice Chop Shop 2004   Top

Skiver 1118 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest" 10-13-04, 03:08 PM (EST) 10. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" This is a disaster waiting to happen. A twenty-year-old guy asks a girl to marry him after a month of dating? That is weird and creepy. Something is up with this guy, and your sister is making a big mistake in accepting. Do what you can to stop this. From the single fact that he suggests marriage after a month, he's the wrong guy. Handcrafted by RollDdice No 20 year old guy is ready for marriage. Period. This guy will be beating and/or cheating soon.   Top

desert_rhino 10087 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 03:12 PM (EST) 11. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" I beg your pardon. Got a little issue there?   Top

Skiver 1118 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest" 10-13-04, 03:21 PM (EST) 12. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" Nope. No issue. Just years of listening to 'Loveline' and picking up on similar stories. Handcrafted by RollDdice Although I do get a little exasperated with the average person's grasp of what constitutes healthy choices.   Top

desert_rhino 10087 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 03:24 PM (EST) 13. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" Funny, some people I know got married at 19 and 18, and were together for many years, until one of them died. Well, I, for one, am glad that you're out there looking out for our "healthy choices." Oh wait. No, I'm not. Thanks, I'll pass.   Top

Skiver 1118 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest" 10-13-04, 03:34 PM (EST) 14. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" My wife's father was twenty when he married he mother. He's a great guy now, but he was apparently a bastard as a father. He was angry, intolerant, and occasionally violent. He finally grew up sometime in his thirties. Handcrafted by RollDdice Men are just too immature at twenty to marry - especially if they're sad enough to ask someone to marry them after a month's acquaintance.   Top

desert_rhino 10087 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 03:35 PM (EST) 15. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" Whatever.   Top

cqvenus 9765 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-14-04, 11:15 AM (EST) 24. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" ditto the whatever. you can't make generalizations like this without annoying people to whom your generalization does not apply. beating/cheating was *quite* a stretch from simply not ready. in other news, my parents were married at 17 and 18, and are still together (and happy! go figure!) 27 years later. granted, it's not the 'norm', but they deserve props and not to be sh!t on by people who can't recognize that it's wrong to make such rash generalizations. ~ cq Slice & Dice Chop Shop 2004   Top

angelworth29 532 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator" 10-13-04, 04:27 PM (EST) 17. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" I agree with you. Not necessarily on the beating/cheating part, but on the weird and creepy part. A month is NOT enough time to decide if you want to marry someone. He could be a really great guy and treat her well and still not be "the one". She could be blinded by infatuation right now. Only time will tell. Maybe I'm being judgmental, but that's how I feel. That being said, I don't think you should say anything to her. If he's not the one, hopefully she'll find that out BEFORE they get married. If not, there's always divorce court.   Top

mrc 10113 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 04:53 PM (EST) 18. "This is your sister?!" Nah, I know it's really you! A PhoenixMons(ter) Siggie   Top

frisky 11695 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 04:58 PM (EST) 19. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" My advice is to stand back yet still stand by her and be the good big sis that you are. *sigh* She sounds like me at 22, in love with being in love. I divorced my early twenties marriage, but you couldn't have told me then that I was making a bad choice. I was an adult and in love, dammit. I remember telling him that I loved him after three weeks, but I didn't feel it really deep down. I thought that if I kept saying it, it would make it so. Weird, huh? She also sounds like me through the teens, falling in love, swearing this is NOT just a crush, it's the real thing. The heartbreak lasted years and years. But, PM, there isn't a thing you can do. Maybe she'll be lucky and they'll last forever. Maybe they're soulmates. You don't know that. He sounds like a great guy. But serial batterers are great guys in the honeymoon period. The point is, it's too soon for you to know that much about him. As for your sister, of course she's in love after a month. In the first month, everyone is still on their best behaviour. You don't burp in front of each other, you pizza with a knife and fork, you let the other person choose the TV show. It's scary to see someone call that love. But there's nothing you can do but watch it happen. Alex Trebek: This long-handled garden tool is also a term for an immoral pleasure-seeker. Ken Jennings: What is a ho?   Top

desert_rhino 10087 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 05:05 PM (EST) 20. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" A month? Hell, I knew I was going to marry my ex-wife in the first WEEK (I was 20 at the time, thanks). More importantly, I also knew I was NOT going to marry any of the other girls I dated before and after within a week. And contrary to what appears to be public opinion, I am not, nor have I ever been, a cheater or wife-beater. But don't tell Skiver, mmmkay?   Top

Spidey 6259 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-13-04, 05:10 PM (EST) 21. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" I am not, nor have I ever been, a cheater or wife-beater. Nor a bleater, I may assume? What about a heater or neater? Even done that? I do, however, assume that at least at one point you were an eater. Hey, I was just fascinated by the rhyme. And Mr. Spidey and I "knew" within 2 weeks. Married 8 months after we met.   Top

PhoenixMons 4696 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold" 10-13-04, 09:05 PM (EST) 22. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" See and because I've BTDT, I know it's certainly possible. Hell, I was 16 and knew after a few weeks. She's had a lot more experiences with relationships and their ups and downs than I'd had at 16 and I know I made the right decision. I don't know where the idea that someone who wants to get married at 20 is going to be a cheater or abusive comes from. That's quite the stereotype...unless there are some facts that I don't know about to back that up. Well...my sister is calling me right now... "Here is my secret. It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."   Top

udg 3381 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 10-14-04, 04:16 AM (EST) 23. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" Dr. Phil says no one should get married young, because young marriages end in divorce. Slice n' Dice's Sigpic Chop Shop 2004 He also says your kid's a cereal killer.   Top

desert_rhino 10087 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-14-04, 11:18 AM (EST) 25. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" Dr. Phil is a moron.   Top

Surveysez 2793 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest" 10-14-04, 11:18 AM (EST) 26. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" What does Dr. Phil really know. A cheerio choker?   Top

desert_rhino 10087 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 10-14-04, 11:23 AM (EST) 27. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" jinx   Top

Surveysez 2793 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest" 10-14-04, 11:25 AM (EST) 28. "RE: Wedding Bells & Mixed Feelings" pfffft   Top

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