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StarryLuna 4771 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold" 09-18-04, 08:22 PM (EST) "How can I escape my carpool?" Over the summer, another woman I teach with moved into my apartment complex. She's a couple years younger than my mom. She's a nice woman and when she suggested we carpool to work together, I figured "Why not?" Well, we're only two weeks into the school year and she's already driving me nuts! First of all, she's always insulting my job. Sometimes I'll mention that I wasn't told of something going on in the school or something like that and she'll say "Well, that's because you just teach art." Or I'll say something about a kid struggling in my class and she'll say "Why? It's just art." I know she means it as a joke, but I've been hearing this from her for almost two years now. Plus, she complains A LOT about the students, our school, our administrators, etc. I try to tune her out as much as possible because she's such a negative person to be around. She really brings me down sometimes. School ends at 3:15 and teachers are allowed to leave at 3:30. By 3:28, she's at my classroom door with all her stuff together, ready to go. I barely have time to straighten up my classroom and put all the supplies away. I'm not saying that I want to stay until 4:00 every day, but I just don't feel a need to rush out of work as soon as the clock says I can. This past Monday (she drove this week) I told her I was going to stay late and grade sketchbooks (which I did really need to do) and have DH pick me up when he got off work at 4:30. I just didn't want to listen to her on the ride home. What's really sad is that our ride is only 10 to 15 minutes long. I can't think of any excuse not to ride with her. Aside from the complaining about our school, she's not a bad person and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Should I just let it go and ride with her for the rest of the year? Slice'n'Dice circa 2004 Searching for Jillian Barberie since 2004.   Top

Subject     Author     Message Date     ID    RE: How can I escape my carpool? zombiebaby 09-18-04 1  RE: How can I escape my carpool? Gothmog 09-18-04 2    RE: How can I escape my carpool? greenmonstah 09-18-04 3    RE: How can I escape my carpool? seahorse 09-18-04 10  RE: How can I escape my carpool? Puffy 09-18-04 4  RE: How can I escape my carpool? wandacal 09-18-04 5    RE: How can I escape my carpool? PagongRatEater 09-20-04 18  RE: How can I escape my carpool? frisky 09-18-04 6    RE: How can I escape my carpool? Gothmog 09-18-04 7        RE: How can I escape my carpool? wandacal 09-18-04 8  RE: How can I escape my carpool? Sheila 09-18-04 9  RE: How can I escape my carpool? Drive My Car 09-19-04 11  Combat roll... IceCat 09-19-04 12  RE: How can I escape my carpool? wandacal 09-19-04 13  negotiation dabo 09-20-04 14    Thank you Dabo! wandacal 09-20-04 15  RE: How can I escape my carpool? StarryLuna 09-20-04 16    RE: How can I escape my carpool? grit 09-20-04 17    RE: How can I escape my carpool? PagongRatEater 09-20-04 19

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zombiebaby 7356 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-18-04, 08:31 PM (EST) 1. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" You could decorate the car with Jillian Barberie pictures everywhere and talk non-stop about her Handcrafted by RollDdice Don't Google "hairy toes"!!   Top

Gothmog 2886 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest" 09-18-04, 08:32 PM (EST) 2. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" How about using the fact that she wants to leave early (or earlier than you) as an excuse? Say: "I barely have time to get my room straightened up after school, and I don't want to inconvenience you by making you stay later. I've enjoyed being able to carpool with you, but I think I need more flexibility--I hope you understand." Then offer to pool rides in case of emergency--car in the shop, etc.--to show that there's no hard feelings. Good luck. Under no circumstances should you just let it go for the year. You can be kind, and still be assertive. You owe it to your sanity to say something.   Top

greenmonstah 10761 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-18-04, 08:34 PM (EST) 3. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" I agree with Goth. 100%. Handcrafted by RollDdice And I think Zombs idea you should do regardless.   Top

seahorse 14337 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-18-04, 10:26 PM (EST) 10. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" That is a great idea and you can get out of it without hurting her feelings too much. ©Slice & Dice Chop Shop 2004   Top

Puffy 6703 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-18-04, 08:35 PM (EST) 4. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" In addition to what Gothmog said, how about that you want to get to school early sometimes because THERE IS SO MUCH TO SET UP IN ART CLASSES and that you need your car for appointments after school, such as meeting with kids or parents or your PSYCHIATRIST appointments due to her driving you nuts? Handcrafted at midnight by RollDDice   Top

wandacal 4018 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest" 09-18-04, 08:58 PM (EST) 5. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" While I've always been very pro in sparing people's feelings, there are some situations , not many but some, where absolute honesty seems to be the best course to go. (I once went 2 years keeping up cordial conversation with a neighbor without admitting I had completely forgotten her name. DH said I should come out and tell her, "I'm sorry and I am embarassed but I have forgotten your name." I was horrified! I said I could never do it but it couldn't go on like that forever. I took a deep breath and did it. And the world didn't end!) I'm not sure how brutally honest you are capable of being but I recommend you start practicing. Offering excuses might get you out of it for a little while but eventually, just a gut feeling here, you're gonna be back to square one after a short time. You work with her but not side by side, right? All the teachers in the school don't socialize after work, do they? I understand things should be at least cordial in this setting, but she's not being very considerate of you. Whether it's on purpose or not, to me, is moot. She is putting you in a bind and she doesn't even sense that. How would I put it? Let's see: "Mary, I really want to start driving myself to and from work from now on." That's it. There is a chance she'll say, "OK." But if she asks, "Why?" continue with: "I would just prefer having those 10-15 minutes by myself." Again, don't add details. Say it in the most normal and everyday way. If she wants to keep pushing after 3 or 4 of these exchanges finally say, "Well Mary, for pretty much this reason. I don't dislike you. I like you very much. I simply need those few minutes a day alone, in a sort of quiet time. You DO understand what I'm saying, don't you Mary?" I've found if I stand by this kind, yet firm "Don't complain -don't explain" dialogue, both sides walk away with no bad feelings and mission accomplished. I know it sounds hard to do. My husband actually had to teach me how to do this. It's one tactic police officers employ when dealing with non-violent family situations. It's like being the "good cop". Well, I've rambled on long enough but I've found that very nice people who don't want to hurt others' feelings to the point of putting their own selves out, (LIKE YOU! ), think they won't be nice anymore if they put their foot down. Nice people can say no. And still be nice. Have a nice day! The name is...IceCat....redux   Top

PagongRatEater 12996 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-20-04, 10:07 AM (EST) 18. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" Now THAT is a great suggestion. No wonder I have a secret crush on Wandacal. oops - did I say that out loud?   Top

frisky 11695 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-18-04, 09:11 PM (EST) 6. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" I like all the above suggestions. I had the same problem with someone from campus who was on my bus for awhile. I always felt obligated to sit with her and she always sat beside me. I am not a morning person, and she made it even worse with her negativity. Everything was bad. The weather, the economy, work, the coffee at Mac's Milk...everything. It was like someone put bricks on my shoulders every time I saw her. Now that my kitten has started kindergarten I am finally out of that situation. Again, she is a very nice, friendly person. But she was such a downer. I agree that you should do something about this now and don't let it fester. Slice n' Dice's Sigpic Chop Shop 2004   Top

Gothmog 2886 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest" 09-18-04, 09:29 PM (EST) 7. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" don't let it fester Wait, StarryLuna is Fester now? Who knew?   Top

wandacal 4018 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest" 09-18-04, 09:31 PM (EST) 8. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" Does Landru know about this? The name is...IceCat....redux They are happily gay married now.   Top

Sheila 2069 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Roller Coaster Inaugurator" 09-18-04, 10:19 PM (EST) 9. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" With gas nearing $2 gallon (at least here it is), I'd probably carpool with the devil! However, if she is really annoying, I think you should cut your losses early and not carpool. Use Goth's suggestion and just remember that you still have to work with her.   Top

Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-19-04, 11:25 PM (EST) 11. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" Oh Luna, this is a problem. I know it is hard to feel stuck, and I know you don't want to be mean. I think you should slowly wean your way out of this situation. Be difficult, have hours different, have places you need to stop at on your way home. Maybe you can get her to not want to comute with you. ( yikes! that's really passive/aggressive, isn't it?) I thinks Goth had some good advice. You don't need negitivity every day. How I deal with the negitive nelly at my job is to smile at her when she complains and tell her the opisite. She says that blah blah is awful, I say that blah blah is fun! And I smile! ( it's killing her). I also say play the it could be worse card. I try to spin everything she says into something good. (I'm evil, like that) Mainly I wanted to bump this to the front page, so you can get some Monday advice. *heart* you!   Top

IceCat 17415 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-19-04, 11:33 PM (EST) 12. "Combat roll..." Wait till the car is going less than 20 mph, though. Road rash clashes with almost everything.   Top

wandacal 4018 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest" 09-19-04, 11:40 PM (EST) 13. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" It's always Gothmog, Gothmog, GOTHMOG! OK. I'm a mean ol' beeyotch. I STILL think nipping it in the bud, with no excuses, is the best thing. Then again, I thought this was going to be the 49er's comeback season... The name is...IceCat....redux No! I'm sticking by my guns. Do it MY way SL. There's ice cream in it for ya'.   Top

dabo 26942 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-20-04, 00:48 AM (EST) 14. "negotiation" Tell her she can stop belittling you and your job, and wait every day until you are fully prepared to leave, or find someone else to carpool with. Or paint her a picture. Or, next time she belittles you or your job while you are driving, stop and kick her out. SMILES ARE FREE   Top

wandacal 4018 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest" 09-20-04, 01:09 AM (EST) 15. "Thank you Dabo!" Dabo... A voice to reckon with. The name is...IceCat....redux You're actually nicer than I am. I would only slow the car down.   Top

StarryLuna 4771 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold" 09-20-04, 07:07 AM (EST) 16. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" Thanks, you guys. I'm going to stick my head in the sand this week, as I have meetings after school every day so we won't have to ride together at all. Slice'n'Dice circa 2004 Searching for Jillian Barberie since 2004.   Top

grit 4868 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold" 09-20-04, 10:01 AM (EST) 17. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" I have no good advice for you SL, because I'm also a "stick your head in the sand" kind of person. I just hope that, one way or another, it works out for you. Handcrafted by RollDdice   Top

PagongRatEater 12996 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 09-20-04, 10:09 AM (EST) 19. "RE: How can I escape my carpool?" If you don't have to ride with her this week, it gives an even better segue to wanda's suggestion. Just tell her that having the time to yourself this week was so peaceful and you like that quiet ride all by yourself in the morning.   Top

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