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"Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"	07-10-06, 11:01 AM (EST)
"Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"
sees FedEx package on desk TO: Jonathan Murray (things were so much better with Mary-Ellis) Bunim-Murray Productions FROM: NBC/Universal Television RE: SO Going Away Present opens it Wow. Gold-crusted Speedos. Wait until Rhonda sees THESE! I think I'll wear them to the wedding. But . . . how did they make them? looks around, sees no Emmy HEYYYY! Well, I can always take the funds we were gonna use for Season 4 and finance a ~~secret getaway to Australia~~ final meeting between Rhonda and me to wrap things up, iykwim. In case you were wondering, I cannot officiate this wedding because I have no standing outside my office (and there's not much standing IN it, iykwim). But I hear Della Reese is still ~~available~~ ~~needs the publicity~~ interested. This should be the most fun I've had since The Scholar (what?) Oh, and Allison? If your marriage to Richard doesn't work out, I think this guy will be available. He REALLY needs to start over after yesterday: Ah, to devote my time solely to clueless, young, hot college types . . . How is it we haven't done Twister on the Gauntlet yet? OOC: You know the rules by now. And thanks again to Angelfood for the concept! Thanks so much, Sharnina, for inviting me back to close this out and for running with the ball so well after my abrupt departure. Which, I cannot stress enough, had nothing to do with anyone in these SO forums. You were all wonderful to work with. Please be kind to Bebo, Mystic, and Webby (SurvivorBlows), whom I thank for their help and encouragement. What a successful game! I am LOLing over these last few weeks! I don't think any Be The . . . game has ever run this long on the boards. And all of you made it happen. Thanks to every single one of you for a hysterical running thread! If you want to keep in touch with me, I now have a blog. And I may drop by the chats from time to time. As someone else has said . . . take it easy, but TAKE IT!
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Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... alaholly 07-10-06 1

   KELLY! catmama 07-10-06 2

       Starting over after Starting Ove... catmama 07-10-06 3

           RE: Starting over after Starting... catmama 07-10-06 4

       My Darling Bathroom kircon 07-11-06 18

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Sahara 07-13-06 65

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... kircon 07-15-06 114

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... sharnina 07-10-06 5

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... kircon 07-11-06 19

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... catmama 07-12-06 53

           RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Sahara 07-13-06 66

               RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... catmama 07-13-06 69

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... sharnina 07-10-06 6

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... alaholly 07-10-06 7

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... sharnina 07-10-06 8

           RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... SeasonedRefinement 07-11-06 9

               RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Cygnus X1 07-12-06 40

                   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... catmama 07-12-06 44

                       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Cygnus X1 07-12-06 47

                           RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... catmama 07-12-06 50

           You looking for Me? kircon 07-11-06 21

               RE: You looking for Me? sharnina 07-12-06 55

                   YES!!!!!!!!!! kircon 07-13-06 59

                       RE: YES!!!!!!!!!! alaholly 07-14-06 85

                           RE: YES!!!!!!!!!! kircon 07-15-06 115

                               RE: YES!!!!!!!!!! alaholly 07-15-06 133

                   RE: You looking for Me? Sahara 07-13-06 67

   Hey, Daddy-O! Sahara 07-13-06 57

       RE: Hey, Daddy-O! Sahara 07-13-06 58

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... JavaT 07-11-06 10

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Cygnus X1 07-11-06 13

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Anne18 07-14-06 101

           RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Cygnus X1 07-15-06 107

               RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Anne18 07-15-06 108

   Do You Need an Opener? kircon 07-11-06 22

       RE: Do You Need an Opener? kircon 07-15-06 116

           RE: Do You Need an Opener? JavaT 07-15-06 119

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... JavaT 07-11-06 11

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... alaholly 07-11-06 12

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... JavaT 07-11-06 29

           RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... alaholly 07-14-06 86

               Get Real, I'm in Love With David Ca... kircon 07-15-06 117

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Cygnus X1 07-11-06 14

       I have a confession.... catmama 07-11-06 15

           RE: I have a confession.... JavaT 07-11-06 27

           RE: I have a confession.... JavaT 07-11-06 28

           RE: I have a confession.... Anne18 07-13-06 73

       The Yahd Sale alaholly 07-11-06 16

           RE: The Yahd Sale catmama 07-11-06 32

               RE: The Yahd Sale Cygnus X1 07-12-06 35

                   RE: The Yahd Sale kircon 07-12-06 36

                   Hey Senator... alaholly 07-12-06 41

                   RE: The Yahd Sale catmama 07-12-06 45

                   RE: The Yahd Sale JavaT 07-13-06 79

                       RE: The Yahd Sale catmama 07-13-06 83

                           RE: The Yahd Sale JavaT 07-14-06 88

                               RE: The Yahd Sale catmama 07-14-06 89

           RE: The Yahd Sale Cygnus X1 07-11-06 34

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... 26mitogo 07-11-06 17

       Yahd sale... alaholly 07-11-06 20

           RE: Yahd sale... alaholly 07-11-06 23

               RE: Yahd sale... mbinkc 07-11-06 25

                   An errand for Allison...whistles in... alaholly 07-11-06 30

           RE: Yahd sale... SeasonedRefinement 07-11-06 24

               Mama I! alaholly 07-11-06 26

                   Here's some support, Christie catmama 07-11-06 31

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... JavaT 07-11-06 33

           RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... 26mitogo 07-12-06 42

               RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... JavaT 07-12-06 43

   Pay up... Sahara 07-13-06 71

       RE: Pay up... alaholly 07-13-06 75

           It's up to my Agent kircon 07-15-06 120

           RE: Pay up... kircon 07-15-06 125

               Sign me up sweetie alaholly 07-15-06 131

                   RE: Sign me up sweetie kircon 07-16-06 140

                       RE: Sign me up sweetie alaholly 07-16-06 142

                           RE: Sign me up sweetie kircon 07-17-06 168

RE: A little birdie told me... JavaT 07-12-06 37

   RE: A little birdie told me... mbinkc 07-17-06 189

RE: The First Pictures of My Twins JavaT 07-12-06 38

   RE: The First Pictures of My Twins Cygnus X1 07-12-06 39

       Hey Andy! kircon 07-13-06 60

           RE: Hey Andy! JavaT 07-13-06 76

               RE: Hey Andy! kircon 07-15-06 121

                   Eeeewwww!!!!! sharnina 07-16-06 137

   RE: The First Pictures of My Twins catmama 07-12-06 46

   RE: The First Pictures of My Twins alaholly 07-12-06 48

       RE: The First Pictures of My Twins JavaT 07-12-06 49

           RE: The First Pictures of My Twins catmama 07-12-06 52

               RE: The First Pictures of My Twins 26mitogo 07-12-06 56

                   RE: The First Pictures of My Twins catmama 07-13-06 68

                       RE: The First Pictures of My Twins 26mitogo 07-13-06 80

                           RE: The First Pictures of My Twins catmama 07-13-06 82

                               RE: The First Pictures of My Twins 26mitogo 07-14-06 92

                                   RE: The First Pictures of My Twins JavaT 07-14-06 102

       A Tip! kircon 07-17-06 169

   RE: The First Pictures of My Twins JavaT 07-12-06 51

       RE: The First Pictures of My Twins catmama 07-13-06 70

           RE: The First Pictures of My Twins kircon 07-15-06 124

               RE: The First Pictures of My Twins catmama 07-16-06 136

                   RE: The First Pictures of My Twins kircon 07-17-06 165

                       RE: The First Pictures of My Twins catmama 07-17-06 176

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... mysticwolf 07-12-06 54

Oh, Danny Boy? Cygnus X1 07-13-06 61

   What about ME!? alaholly 07-13-06 62

       RE: What about ME!? 26mitogo 07-13-06 81

           RE: What about ME!? alaholly 07-14-06 87

               RE: What about ME!? 26mitogo 07-14-06 93

                   RE: What about ME!? alaholly 07-16-06 134

                       RE: What about ME!? kircon 07-17-06 175

   RE: Oh, Danny Boy? JavaT 07-13-06 63

       RE: Oh, Danny Boy? 26mitogo 07-13-06 84

MY EMMY!!!!! Sahara 07-13-06 64

   RE: MY EMMY!!!!! Cygnus X1 07-13-06 72

       RE: MY EMMY!!!!! sharnina 07-13-06 74

       RE: MY EMMY!!!!! JavaT 07-13-06 77

           RE: MY EMMY!!!!! Cygnus X1 07-15-06 106

               RE: MY EMMY!!!!! Sahara 07-16-06 143

Oh, RHONDA... JavaT 07-13-06 78

   Hold everything! catmama 07-14-06 90

       RE: Hold everything! alaholly 07-14-06 97

           RE: Hold everything! catmama 07-15-06 112

               RE: Hold everything! kircon 07-17-06 170

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Anne18 07-14-06 91

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... SeasonedRefinement 07-14-06 94

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Sahara 07-14-06 95

       The Real Grown A$$ Finale alaholly 07-14-06 96

           RE: The Real Grown A$$ Finale alaholly 07-14-06 98

               RE: The Real Grown A$$ Finale kircon 07-15-06 126

               RE: The Real Grown A$$ Finale kircon 07-15-06 127

               RE: The Real Grown A$$ Finale kircon 07-15-06 128

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... JavaT 07-14-06 99

I'm Getting Married in the Morning.... JavaT 07-14-06 100

   RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morn... alaholly 07-14-06 103

       RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morn... Sahara 07-15-06 110

           RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morn... alaholly 07-15-06 111

   RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morn... Cygnus X1 07-14-06 104

       RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morn... SeasonedRefinement 07-15-06 109

           The Entertainment alaholly 07-15-06 122

               RE: The Entertainment Anne18 07-15-06 129

                   RE: The Entertainment kircon 07-17-06 177

At the wedding(s) . . . Cygnus X1 07-15-06 105

   RE: At the wedding(s) . . . catmama 07-15-06 113

       RE: At the wedding(s) . . . JavaT 07-15-06 118

           RE: At the wedding(s) . . . catmama 07-16-06 135

               RE: At the wedding(s) . . . JavaT 07-16-06 149

                   RE: At the wedding(s) . . . catmama 07-16-06 153

                       RE: At the wedding(s) . . . JavaT 07-16-06 157

Stop the presses! (and bring on th... Sahara 07-15-06 123

   RE: Stop the presses! (and bring o... Anne18 07-15-06 130

       Last confessional catmama 07-16-06 138

           RE: Last confessional 26mitogo 07-16-06 147

               RE: Last confessional catmama 07-16-06 152

                   RE: Last confessional Sahara 07-16-06 154

                       RE: Last confessional catmama 07-17-06 164

       RE: Stop the presses! (and bring o... Sahara 07-16-06 144

           RE: Stop the presses! (and bring o... Anne18 07-16-06 145

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... JavaT 07-15-06 132

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... SeasonedRefinement 07-16-06 139

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... alaholly 07-16-06 141

           RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... 26mitogo 07-16-06 146

               RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... SeasonedRefinement 07-16-06 148

                   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Sahara 07-16-06 150

                   Let's staht the weddin'! alaholly 07-16-06 151

                       RE: Let's staht the weddin'! SeasonedRefinement 07-16-06 158

                           RE: Let's staht the weddin'! alaholly 07-16-06 159

                           RE: Let's staht the weddin'! Sahara 07-16-06 160

                           RE: Let's staht the weddin'! 26mitogo 07-16-06 161

                   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Sahara 07-16-06 155

                   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... 26mitogo 07-16-06 156

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... sharnina 07-17-06 162

   Haaaaay, Liberace! catmama 07-17-06 163

       RE: Haaaaay, Liberace! sharnina 07-17-06 166

       Wanna Be a Lumber Jill kircon 07-17-06 174

           RE: Wanna Be a Lumber Jill catmama 07-17-06 179

               RE: Wanna Be a Lumber Jill JavaT 07-17-06 183

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... sharnina 07-17-06 167

       RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... alaholly 07-17-06 171

           RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... alaholly 07-17-06 172

               Stop the Weddings ! kircon 07-17-06 182

                   RE: Stop the Weddings ! alaholly 07-17-06 185

                       RE: Stop the Weddings ! kircon 07-17-06 190

Don't forget me!!!! Sahara 07-17-06 173

   RE: Don't forget me!!!! catmama 07-17-06 178

       RE: Don't forget me!!!! SeasonedRefinement 07-17-06 186

   RE: Don't forget me!!!! sharnina 07-17-06 180

       RE: Don't forget me!!!! Sahara 07-17-06 181

           RE: Don't forget me!!!! kircon 07-17-06 184

               Goodbye Lisa! Don't let the door h... alaholly 07-17-06 187

               RE: Don't forget me!!!! Sahara 07-17-06 188

                   My lastest poem... mbinkc 07-18-06 191

                       RE: My lastest poem... alaholly 07-19-06 192

This ceremony was a SHAM! Cygnus X1 07-19-06 193

   RE: This ceremony was a SHAM! GuyStartingOver 07-25-06 194

       RE: This ceremony was a SHAM! sharnina 07-26-06 195

           RE: This ceremony was a SHAM! GuyStartingOver 07-26-06 196

               Hey Mr. Internet! kircon 07-27-06 199

                   RE: Hey Mr. Internet! GuyStartingOver 07-31-06 202

               Mr. Internet??? alaholly 07-27-06 201

RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... Sahara 07-26-06 197

   RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thre... snowflake2 07-26-06 198

       Hey Jill! kircon 07-27-06 200

           Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread alaholly 08-04-06 203

               ....OVER kircon 09-13-06 204

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Messages in this topic

alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-10-06, 11:44 AM (EST)

1. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

<Antonia is setting up her yard sale desperately hoping to make some cash. She has pulled out all the stops and is dressed in her too small shiny gold jacket to impress the potential customers. She has dragged Dining Room Table outside and spread out the sad collection of Starting Over items on top of it>
"Okay. I think weyah ready. I hope Jill scooted around town and put up the flyahs. We've got three weddin's to buy gifts for and I seem to be ~~even more in debt~~ a little short of cash. We bettah get a lot of customahs today cuz theyah throwin' us out of heyah."
"Hey. Wheyah ah all you girls? Why isn't anyone helpin' me except Niambi dammit! Lisas!! Get ovah heyah. Christie, get off yoah a$$. Christina, Sommah those bikinis look great. No Cassie, you can't sing. But go back in the house and see if you can find any more stuff to sell..."

If you see Mama I, hide those little bottles...

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-10-06, 01:46 PM (EST)

2. "KELLY!"

Gah!! I knew letting that De-BOR-ah back in the house was a bad idea! Look at this mess! It'll take days to clean up, and that's assuming that my Kell will scrub me with her nomal rabid ferocity. Cotton-frickin'-candy?!?!?! In the tub?!!?!?! What kind of moron eats that mess- and on porcelain, no less? Never mind the threat of ants; that mess stains! I don't want a permanent, sticky ring around Mr. Tub! It's just unsightly and unsanitary! And you all know, I just don't live like that! And, as far as Deb's "pregnancy," I saw her dip that thing in Mr. Toilet after Andy went! Don't let her fool you; she might be a little on the "duhurrr!" side, but she has all the manipulitave powers of our very own Rhonda. Kelly! Kell-belle! I need you!

Oh, great; that junk is starting to harden! You have got to be kidding me! Next time anyone drops Cassie off at the "fun place," make sure to take Deb, too!

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-10-06, 02:05 PM (EST)

3. "Starting over after Starting Over"

Heya, Antonia? I know what it's like to be hard up for cash. And, well with the show ending and all, I think we all will need something to fall back on. And I have just the thing for a couple of gals like us! Since XXXtina knows how to crochet (or was it paier mache? I'm not sure), we can ~~force her to make stuff~~ partner up with her, and have the banginest e-bay store this side of, well, wherever. If we autograph that pole- no, De-BOR-ah, we don't need you to autograph it, since you were never actually on it! Anyway, XXXtina and I will autograph it, and we can set the starting price at.....2500, sound fair? I mean, it is from tv and all, and ~~all the suckers who watched us~~ our loyal fans will want it. I have a few, um, souvenirs of my own I can put up, too. And I'm going to ~~snatch~~ find some more in a little bit. If you bring that fab bag of yours, you can come, too! Just don't tell Jill; last time I went, um, bargain hunting with her, she left a trail of cupcake crumbs, and we were almost like, caught, by a really hot security guard. Good thing I'm so pretty! That was a close one! So, you in?

Oh, and I think we need to rustle up a gift for Toadie's wedding.... Should we get the Super Shaper? Or the old school whalebone corset?

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-10-06, 02:25 PM (EST)

4. "RE: Starting over after Starting Over"

Hey, guys, I think I have the best idea, like, ever, for Jodi's wedding gift. I'll make her another mask! Since I can do papier mache! I still feel, like, so bad since she broke the one she made. I might go make some stuff now.... or go to the bead store.... or dance class at that place Christie danced at....anyone seen Iyanla lately? I need some more of that....well, just tell her if ya see'er, I need to ask her a queschun, ok? I'm gonna go and make some really ~~high priced~~ honorable crafts now. Knit hats, anyone? And Dr. Stan, will you please make De-BOR-ah stay outta my things?

I think we should use this for our business motto, ladies- "They ain't tricky; they crafty!" Whatchall think?

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-11-06, 01:17 PM (EST)

18. "My Darling Bathroom"

*runs into bathroom* Oh My Darling Bathroom, I can't wait to show you the shoes I picked up for my dress. I can't wait for Dr Stan...... *stops dead in her tracks* *Blinks* *funny lip movements*
WHAT HAPPEN? What happened My Darling Bathroom? I go out to buy shoes....*funny lip movements* It smells like cotton candy.
*leaves the bathroom*
*muffled noises and items being thrown*
*Kelly appears in her bathroom cleaning clothes* *walking to the tub, she pulls out a new one sided razor blade, tears the cover off*
Soon my darling tub, you will be sparlking!
*inserts razor in to a hand-held scraper*
*leans over tub, closes valve* *SCRRRRAAAAAAP* *leaves long gray mark*
Don't worry about the discoloring. I will use Comet to whitten them. I know you like Bon Ami, but this is drastic measures.
*SCRAPE* *SCRAPE* *SCRAPE*

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-13-06, 12:39 PM (EST)

65. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Excuse me, Antonia, but as DR. Woody Table's agent, I must respectfully require you to sign a contract before using this precious and wise commodity. Why in the world woody do this for free when he is wanted around the world to be a life coach?
Did you know that our own DR. Table has coached such celebrities as Bob Vila, Ty Pennington, and Judge Judy's gavel? As you should have learned by now, everything comes with a price.
We demand Rhonda's going rate of $400.00 an hour with no personal questions allowed. His words may be hollow, but they are very meaningful.
Respectfully yours,
Sahara, agent for DR. Woody Table, L.C.W.W.N.G.N. (Life Coach Who Will Not Go Nuts)

AF 2006

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 01:56 PM (EST)

114. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Sahara, Emmy Award-winning journalist Joan Lunden here.
I thought I would send you my newest headshot.
I also wanted to give testimony of Dr. Table. He was the central figure in my hit show Wickedly Perfect. 12 perfectionist competed in different areas of beautifying the home and entertaining. They spent many hours around Dr Table planning partys, cooking, baking, sewing, crafting, arranging flowers and decorating. Dr. Table was available at all hours.
So Antonia, His fee of $400.00 is cheap. Use his wisdom.
Call me about my next gig Sahara. Or have your people call my people, yada, yada. *kiss* *kiss*

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-10-06, 05:51 PM (EST)

5. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

*high-pitched voice*
Hiiiii! Mr. Muh-Murray! *hic* Does this mean I have to *giggle* leave now?
*starts crying*
I don't wanna leave. I love my sisters. *buuuuuuuurp*
*giggle*
Heyyyy, Antonia, I luh-luh-loooooove you, you big grown a$$ woman! You sooo priiiitty.
*scowls*
Where's Kelly-belly? I know she's been moving my bottles that I hid.
*buuuuuuuuuuurp*
*stumbles to bed and falls the floor giggling*

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-11-06, 01:26 PM (EST)

19. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

*moves Kim's leg*
*searches through Kim's suitcase for the tubs favorite cleaning rag*
Or should I say your favorite sweater. Don't worry Kim. I'll bring it back.
Look what I have for you!
*holds out a bottle*

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-12-06, 08:47 PM (EST)

53. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Oh, Kell-belle, don't waste your time on that lush Kim. De-BOR-ah did this to me! I know you can give her what-for! Oh, and I heard her mumbling something about a moving van, or hunky man, I'm not sure. I'm scared she is going to try and take me away from you! You will be taking me back home to Rahncho Cu-cu-cachoo, right? I will never make it alone here; I'm too pretty. And Maureen and Deb seem like they are each vying for that crawlspace right under me! I can't have that; you know how many roaches and mice they'll attract, what with the smoke and the cotton candy? Unacceptable! So, I'll be waiting, and I'm not even upset about the comet- you do what you gotta do, mon cherie. Just don't leave me here!

I know you like me dirty...

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-13-06, 12:48 PM (EST)

66. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

So, bathroom, are you saying that you are too PRETTY to ride the van?

AF 2006

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-13-06, 01:20 PM (EST)

69. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Well, Sahara, let me answer that in the best, most truthful way I know how....it's not that I'm too pretty for the van (although, wouldya take a good look at me? I am H-O-T- ON FIRE! The porcelain fixtures....the Venetian glass, beveled mirrors....the platinum faucets my Kelly gave me as an anniversary gift....you might say, I'm too good for the van. That is my truth; take it however you feel you may. Oh, and be sure you turn off the lights when you exit; the diamonds in the chandelier get pretty hot when left on for a while. And I don't want any burns on my Crown moulding! Toods!

Just don't mention all my valuable goodies to these crazy women; before you know it, I'll have to go Amityville on them, and NO ONE wants that!

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-10-06, 06:33 PM (EST)

6. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

LAST EDITED ON 07-10-06 AT 06:33 PM (EST)
*Lanre knocks on Niambi's bedroom door (the one that has Kelly's Bathroom attached)*
*knock, knock*
Hello, Niambi? *opens door*
*steps inside door*
I heard you called and wanted to talk about some future projects?
*jumps back in horror at the site of a freshly bathed De-BOR-ah sprawled on the bed*
Oh, oh, I'm sorry! I thought this was Niambi's room!
*turns his head to the side, gagging*

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-10-06, 07:21 PM (EST)

7. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

"Lanre...LANRE...LANRE!!! I'm here! All 97 pounds of me."
<Giggles, bats eyes, throws shoulders back and thrusts non-existent bosom forward, GIGGLES>

Now that's one fine piece of man candy!

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-10-06, 07:52 PM (EST)

8. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

*Lanre turns in circles trying to escape the horrors that surround him - whimpers*
I just came to see Niambi.

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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
07-11-06, 03:24 AM (EST)

9. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Iyanla dials the phone number to the SO house and waits for anyone to answer:
Ring....Ring.....Ring.....
<Iyanla mumbling to self> Lord oh-mighty, Iyanla does not have time for this mess...somebody better pick up that damn phone before I just hang up.....
Ring....Ring......
MESSAGE: Hello, you have reached the sanctuary of metaphysicality, the den of divine divinity, the haven of holistic wholeness, the Starting Over House....There are no coincidences, so you were not destined to reach us at this time. We are healing, crying, fighting, gossiping, sleeping, eating, doing assignments, achieving goals, graduating, or we just don't feel led to answer your phone call. But, if you leave a message, including your name and a phone number, there does exist some measure of a chance that your call may be returned...but then again, maybe not...because we are not in bondage to anything, least of all common courtesy. Remember, this is real! Bye bye!
Leave a Message after the Ohm.....OOOHHHHMMMMMMM......
IYANLA: Ah-yah...why is this machine on? It's me. The Boss. The Leader. The Star. I need the 4-1-1 on this wedding. If I'm going to officiate, I'll have to update my license, and that is going to cost a little sumthin'. My question today is....who's buyin'? Call me, cause I've gotta get my robes out of storage! A priestess needs time!

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-12-06, 08:16 AM (EST)

40. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

I could swear I just heard my name.
Hey, I'm available for weddings, reality shows, news shows, bar mitzvahs, bowling league banquets, and anything else that ups my DAW quotient. Which right now is lower than Enron stock.

*still waiting for that callback from Baba Wawa*

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-12-06, 12:00 PM (EST)

44. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

No one said "Star." It was "Sommer. So-mmer." Got that? But, I am a star, ask anyone on myspace! And isn't THAT the true measure of a star these days? How many "friends" you have there? Anyway, Star, I think you could ~~make yourself at least semi-useful~~ be of assistance. Since you know *rolls eyes* all there is to know about planning a wedding and ~~shamelessly begging for freebies~~ finding lots of cool little trinkets, I think you are just the chick to plan Christie's special day. No, not the auction house, Christie, you know, the one who thinks she's more famous than me? She's ~~got huge thighs that go "whip-whip!" when she wears courduroy and a butt 3 feet wide~~ a really curvy gal. And, since you were a really curvy gal until ~~that gastric bypass you keep lyin' about~~ you started doing yoga and pilates, you two might be able to see eye to eye on a lot of things. And besides, it would give you all that *snickers* time in the spotlight that you so adore. Just stay away from me and XXXtina, since we're, uh, havin' another carwash, and really,~~not even Al wants to see you in a bikini~~ we don't need the help. Later, girlfrien'!

Seriously, XXXtina, if you see that Star coming near us, throw some Twinkies at her; that way, if Jodi or Christie come by, they'll lunge after said goody, and it won't be pretty. But at least I'll get more airtime. Because I'm sooo pretty! Rosie '06!

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-12-06, 03:47 PM (EST)

47. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

. . . PTA meetings, open houses, building dedications, witch burnings, phone book deliveries, late night infomercial endorsements, Weight Watchers (really!) meetings, traffic reports, standing behind sports figures with that rainbow wig, "Bowling for Dollars," Internet-only radio shows, restaurant reviews, lobbying, pumping gas, wedding plans . . .

Gotta keep my DAW quotient up, ya know.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-12-06, 08:22 PM (EST)

50. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

What? You're still here? I thought I ~~pawned you off on someone else~~ ~~got rid of you~~....hey, girl! Listen, quit listing off all the things you are available for (especially "witch hunts." After my ordeal with Rhonda....I can't begin to deal with another one of those!), why don't you, um... go call Iyanla *scribbles down number*, and help her get ready for the wedding. Or, go find Andy's mom- I bet you two would have fun doing makeovers on each other! I heard she loves your eyebrows! And you look like a fan of electro-shock therapy, too. We could really *chuckle* use a professional of your, uh, level, to get this show on the road. Oh, and one more thing- you still working for Payless? Cause I'm in charge of finding shoes for everyone, and I like, could really use the help. Please and thank you! Now, get to plannin'!

Seriously, would you just shut that cake-hole, and do some, I don't know....work?

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-11-06, 02:55 PM (EST)

21. "You looking for Me?"

*running up the stairs* I just got back from a run.
I had to think about things. Like Mr. Situation. I don't think he will ever leave that other woman.
All this talk about weddings. You want to get married?
I need to take a shower.
*walks to Kelly's bathroom*
*shaking head* *mumbles* I just don't understand.

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-12-06, 08:55 PM (EST)

55. "RE: You looking for Me?"

*shakes head*
Oh, uh... yeah -- I mean no! Well, I mean, are those the future plans you wanted to discuss with me?
*pauses and thinks*
Well, you know, you're hot and I'm hot so I can just imagine our two fantastic hot bodies, um, well, you know...
Sure! Why not! Let's get married!
*gets down on one knee*
Niambi, will give me the pleasure (heh, heh) of marrying me?

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-13-06, 04:18 AM (EST)

59. "YES!!!!!!!!!!"

*grabs Lanre's neck*
*kisses Lanre for the first time* *sparks fly*
Think of what we could do. With our celebrity, we can go far.
Mr & Ms ??? What is your last name.
Niambi Idewu. This is so perfect. Could you ask Mr. Situation for my hand.
*kisses Lanre's cheek* I gotta go tell Antonia. Well discuss the wedding later. I have lots to do & you need to find Mr. Situation. Love ya. *giggle*
*runs down stairs* ANTOINA! I've got some news! I've got my man.
And man-o-man do I have a man. Did you see his core?

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-14-06, 01:06 AM (EST)

85. "RE: YES!!!!!!!!!!"

"You go girlfriend...he show is fine, but, uh, does he have any money???"

Cash is king in my world...

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 01:59 PM (EST)

115. "RE: YES!!!!!!!!!!"

I don't care about money. He got down on his knee. He's going to ask Mr. Situation for my hand. Will you be my Maid of Honor Antonia?

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-15-06, 11:34 PM (EST)

133. "RE: YES!!!!!!!!!!"

"Of course I'll be yo maid of honah girl as long as I get a free dress. But it bettah not be freakin' ugly! No damn bows on my a$$ girlfriend!"

How about a sassy little gold numba?

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-13-06, 12:59 PM (EST)

67. "RE: You looking for Me?"

Hey, you can't get married when you might be my baby's daddy. *pout* Everybody always picks on me. Ah know they are just doin' this out of spite. (states loudly)Ah just may pack up the bathroom and go home ~~and terrorize mah daughter~~ and spend quality time with my dear daughter because ah am not wanted heah. Ah am so pathetic and ah have an old day-ud husband and y'all just don't know what ah have to deal with.

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-13-06, 00:06 AM (EST)

57. "Hey, Daddy-O!"

Ah'm waitin' for ya...ya know, you COULD be my baby's daddy! Whaddaya mean, you thought ah was celibate? I am. Seven years now. Evah since ah lost mah old day-ud husband.
Now let's go out and celibate this new baby!
*naked body jumps off of bed and tackles poor Lanre*

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-13-06, 00:12 AM (EST)

58. "RE: Hey, Daddy-O!"

Oh, De-BOR-ah, dear, I think you need to know something. Let me enlighten you from my special authentic place of wisdom which overflows around about me. I do believe you have confused two words, dear. Celibate means well, that you haven't had sex, to put it bluntly. Celebrate means to have a good time and perhaps party. It appears to me that you have been celebrating for seven years, but have not been celibate according to all that I have figured out from ~~not believing your lies~~ listening to the truth.

Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-11-06, 07:38 AM (EST)

10. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Did I hear somebody say my ruffled shirt looked... STUPID? You know, that casual, yet biting, remark might make a lesser man walk away forever, and stun him into shock, disbelief and tears. But me? Uh-uh. And you know why?
I'm a TEEN IDOL!
Well, at least I used to be... Maybe right now I'm only singing at weddings and bar mitzvahs, but hey, it's a living. I do what I can. Which reminds me, where are you, Danny Boy? You need to get your a$$ over here pretty soon, 'cause these ladies are on the move (literally), and that uh, woman, you're marrying is hot to trot. Where are ya, bud?
*sighs, jumps into Mini, kicking aside the HoHo wrappers and old 1972 Rolling Stone cover*
Guess I'll start checking the ABC stores.

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-11-06, 10:33 AM (EST)

13. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

And remember . . . ABC stands for Always Buy Crap.

Fortunately, there was no The Real World in 1972. Of course, there's always The Surreal Life.

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Anne18 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
07-14-06, 10:17 PM (EST)

101. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Ummm, Mr. Murray, Can you guess which was the first reality show to be shown on tv in 1973?? Hmmmm?

Let's see if he really knows his stuff! LOL

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-15-06, 00:22 AM (EST)

107. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

I'd say The Price Is Right. But that's not reality. Just ask Dian Parkinson.
What about Candid Camera? Where do you think I got the confessional idea from? But that was from the 50s.
I've got it! Ali vs. Norton, with Howard Cosell!

And I am NOT Googling.

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Anne18 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
07-15-06, 11:10 AM (EST)

108. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

LAST EDITED ON 07-15-06 AT 11:42 AM (EST)
(TJ looks at Jon Murray, while he is answering the reality show question, and she is rolling her eyes and shaking her head.)
No, no, no, no, no. I don't believe this! Argh! When are people going to be professionals and know their stuff?? It's bad enough the LC and the house are NOT normal AND a good thing that I AM!
Mr. Murray, the answer is none of the above. It is a show that won Emmys - more than one hence the s. It's an AMERICAN FAMILY! The Louds. Remember them?

Grant Loud was my favorite.
ETA: I only saw the reruns and not the original shows.

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-11-06, 03:09 PM (EST)

22. "Do You Need an Opener?"

You're still my teen idol. I think you are the all-time American Idol. I would be happy to open your act. I'm ready to go. Wadda ya think?
*blows a heart smoke ring*

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 02:14 PM (EST)

116. "RE: Do You Need an Opener?"

I'm ready to go David. I travel light. Just my backpack that includes a couple changes of clothes, some family pictures, my Starting Over Award, and a half burnt copy of Rolling Stone. The one with you on the cover.
I could live in a Mini. Had a box last week. So my question to you Mr David Cassidy:
Will You Marry Me?

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-15-06, 02:34 PM (EST)

119. "RE: Do You Need an Opener?"

Dearest ~~Stinky~~ Mo,
YES!
That old skank Christie doesn't care about me. And your thighs are just as big, if not bigger.
Follow me to the Cassidy Sweat Lodge, my dear -- I'm sure you'll find it much cozier than a refrigerator carton! And when it gets too hot in the hut, of course we'll live in the Mini.
Hugs and kisses and breathy anticipation,

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-11-06, 07:58 AM (EST)

11. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

LAST EDITED ON 07-11-06 AT 07:59 AM (EST)
Boy, is my face red... well, so's my hair, or at least it used to be... anyway, I've gotta get outta here before Jodi finds me! That bachelor party turned into some kind of orgy, and I honestly can't remember exactly what I did... but I do seem to remember this skinny chick coming out with a box of Ding Dongs at one point, and -- and -- oh, please no, don't tell me she and I... aw no, it didn't happen! It didn't happen!
What'd she say her name was? Ken? Kit? Kim? Yeah, right, it was Kim! Boy, has that chick got a hollow leg... and from what I can remember, that ain't all. She actually drank me under the table -- incredible! Aw no, the table -- that's where it happened! It was under that &%@#* dining room table!
Maybe I can just wish it away like I've wished away all the other embarrassing things in my life (my affair with Shirley Jones, my ruffled shirt, that Fantasy Island episode; like that...).
Yeah. That's what I'll do. Ahem. Starting now. It never happened.
Oh, Jodi, are you ready to *hic* tie the knot, my little petit-four?

Compared to Kim, Jodi's more of a huge-o twenty-seven than a petit-four... aw, but I love her anyhow.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-11-06, 09:27 AM (EST)

12. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

<Lisa walks in with a big smile on her face. She is wearing 3 bandaids on her neck in various spots barely covering some large hickeys>
"Wow Danny. You sure know how to throw a party! That was fun!!!"
<Giggles, bats eyes, giggles>

I think I'M IN LOVE with...what was his name???

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-11-06, 06:48 PM (EST)

29. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Sorry, Lis, but that wasn't me. It was Maureen. She might smell, but she sure knows how to lay one on ya.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-14-06, 01:16 AM (EST)

86. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

"Maureen?!?"
<Giggles, bats eyes, giggles>

A kiss is just a kiss...

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 02:27 PM (EST)

117. "Get Real, I'm in Love With David Cassidy"

I like men and want to marry one. I proposed to one. That hunky partridge.

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-11-06, 10:37 AM (EST)

14. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Danny boy, do not EVEN try to foist that bill for the chandelier on ME.

Those things only hold so much weight, you know.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-11-06, 11:22 AM (EST)

15. "I have a confession...."

I was there, Danny. At the other end of the table. I saw the entire thing go down- no pun intended, Kim. So, you and I will not be tying the proverbial, sugar-coated, frosted and cream-filled knot. And, I need to come clean about a little affair of my own. You all know about my love of pottery and statuary; I've been seeing none other than our very own Buddha! He's the only one that really understands what it's like to be ~~so round~~ like how I am. And he has seen the beauty within- to all of you, I may look like a Twinkie-chowing, tight shirt wearing, frizzy haired bossy beech, but I am a woman! I have needs! And quite frankly, Danny boy, you just can't meet them, what with your ~~public intoxication issues~~ little quirks. I've overlooked them for too long now- what, 8, 9 days? Sure, I still think you are a little cutie-patootey, but I really don't think we can make this thing work. I wish you the best in all you do, because I do have a lot of love for you, but I must stand in my truth and follow my heart- and my truthful heart is leading me to my favorite statue.
So, whaddya say, Buddha? I know Andy and I have finally decided to bury the hatchet, and I know you two have a past, but since I will never have kids of my own, and well, I still have all the pieces left from Alex- and she kind of looked like you!- I think we need to pursue what's been burning since the day I put my ~~fat little sausage feet~~ perfectly pedicured toes on the hallowed SO grounds. So, dear Buddha- you wanna do this thing?

Buddhists can still have wedding cakes made of Twinkies, Ding-dongs, Ho-Ho's and Sno-balls, right?

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-11-06, 06:45 PM (EST)

27. "RE: I have a confession...."

Aw, gee, Gretch-- er, I mean, Jodi, do we hafta break it off?? Do you hafta leave me just 'cause I messed up, like one time? Man, that chick Kim just threw herself at me, all 72 pounds of her, and a bottle of Jack Black to boot. I tell you, sweetie, I drank the Jack and tossed the chick before I tossed my cookies, and I never did a thing with her. I promise you! PLEASE take me back!
I know -- I've got it now, the perfect ploy -- If you don't take me back, I'll kill myself! On national TV! On reality TV, at that! I swear I will! Don't make me do it, Jodi, don't make me do it!
*hic* What's that -- you say you had an affair?! With a garden statue? Hoo-boy! Hard's one thing, but can we say... "hard up?!" I can't believe you'd resort to concrete over me! For crying out loud, get real. As in real life, not lawn ornaments.
*belch* *hic* *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
uhhh... where was I... oh, yeah: If you don't take me back, I'll kill myself! On national TV! On reality TV, at that! I swear I will! Don't make me do it, Jodi, don't make me do it! (Did I say that already? Where have I heard that before??)
Yeah, yeah, barkeep, make this one a double... and couldja change the channel to Dancing with the Stars?

Hey David, you wanna buy a tux? No ruffles, but it's kinda cool anyhow...

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-11-06, 06:46 PM (EST)

28. "RE: I have a confession...."

Dearest darling sister o'mine,
I am trés sorry about your beau of late, the infamous (yet cutie-patootey) Mr. Bonaduce. But oh, my wonderful, dear, loving, forgiving, Universe-embracing, cosmic queen of all queens ~~not to mention Sammy Hagar lookalike~~, you are so much better off without him. And I do believe you and Buddha will make a beautiful couple. Talk about free-flowing, amorphic shapes! You two are meant to be together.
I can still do your lovely ~~6-man Montana tent~~ wedding gown, which I'll ensure will be a real anchor piece for all of your existing wardrobe. I can fix it so the flaps will double as dolman sleeves, and the durable mesh vent can serve as a ~~huge~~ hot little miniskirt. You'll be the ~~French~~ toast of the town!
So continue to stand in your truth, oh sister of mine. Keep your chin s up and let's look toward the future!

I'll be sending you the pictures of my new twins any day now, "Auntie Jodi!"

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Anne18 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
07-13-06, 05:09 PM (EST)

73. "RE: I have a confession...."

Jodi -
I saw the most unbelievably beautiful wedding cake!

Is the wedding still on? Just wondering...

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-11-06, 11:22 AM (EST)

16. "The Yahd Sale"

<Antonia is sitting at the yard sale table out in front of the SO house counting the money>
"Dammit. This Stahtin' Ovah crap just ain't sellin'. Wheyah ah all those FANS??? Mr. Jon SAID we had some fans didn't he? This sale blows. No one is touchin' the speedos, tutus, or those XXXL shorts. And they ah laughin' at the aht work and those necklaces. I thought foh shuah SOMEONE would buy this jewelry crap at 3 necklaces for $1. Sh!t."
"There was some interest in Mama I's potions but those people were freakin' wee-ahd! They kept mumblin' somethin' about me "sharin' my adundance with the universe" but they had no cash. FREAKS!"
"The only thing that sold so far was Lisa's baby dress but the guy that bought it looked suspiciously like Richahd Simmons. Theyah was A LOT of hair stickin' outta that hat."
<Heavy sigh...mumbles "I need a nap">
"Okay Christina and Sommah...I think it's time foh you to go out to the street in youah uh, swimwheyah and hustle up some business. NO, not you Lisa...and definitely NOT you Christie. Sit down!"
"Bleepin' bleep. I wondah how much I can get foah this table..."

I bettah get some $$$ outta this...that's the only reason I showed up at this nuthouse!

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-11-06, 08:01 PM (EST)

32. "RE: The Yahd Sale"

*hoisting a large load of knit and crochet goods onto an empty table*
Uhn! Gee, yarn shur does get heavy after a few steps! I made a few things for this here yahd sale- there are some hats, lots of scarves, a poncho, some potholders, and a tea cozy. I'm not exactly shur what a tea cozy is, but the 'structions lookeded easy enough. And I know these will sell good, cause like, I done sold one of my hats on e-bay for a lot of cabbage! Hee hee hee! Ok, so I didn't really get cabbage for it, but y'know what I mean, right Antonia? It's kind of hot out here. *takes off shirt and jeans to reveal teeny string bikini* I really don't like sweatin', because then I chafe in- well, I chafe, and it ain't comfy! I did just hear Iyanla here, right? I still need a tube of special ointment- I think either Kim used it last night to rim her margarita glasses with, or Kelly used it to clean that gunk out of the tub. *trots away* Iyanla! I need you! I'll be right back, Antonia!

Oooh, who's that sexy guy dressed like a pirate? I think i'm gonna get his number!

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-12-06, 00:11 AM (EST)

35. "RE: The Yahd Sale"

*sees yard sale from roadway*
Pahk the cah in the yahd, Patrick!
Now that's the female action ah've been looking for!

And put down those painkillers. Send them to Limbaugh or something.

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-12-06, 00:38 AM (EST)

36. "RE: The Yahd Sale"

*the Dining Room Table snaps to attention*
Wow! It's the Senator from Massachusetts. I don't want to be sold, but I would be willing to become bi-coastal. I could even end up at the White House.
Hello Senator!

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-12-06, 09:09 AM (EST)

41. "Hey Senator..."

"Oooooh. (Waves wildly) Hey Senator!"
<Giggles, bats eyes, giggles>
<Attempts booty shake, trips, falls down, gets back up>
<Giggles, bats eyes, giggles>

I love ~~Stanley Danny Lanre The Gardener The Cameraman~~ TED!

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-12-06, 12:48 PM (EST)

45. "RE: The Yahd Sale"

*sniffing the air*
What's that smell? It's kind of like...Old Spice and bourbon... Hey, that ~~old geezer~~ guy looks rich! I mean, nice, yeah, really nice. Almost as nice as the guy in the pirate shirt. Where did he run off to? First Iyanla, then my own Johnny Depp. Gone. And I really need that ointment! Oh great, Antonia must have had the same idea as me....weird....maybe we're like, psycho! Or is it psychotic? You know, when you can see the fuchur? Augh, that Antonia... she will NOT have him! You hear me, universe! *shakes fists* I'm totally way more honorable than her! So it's like, my manifestered destiny, or something, to marry rich! I have a child to care for, after all. And what better way to care for him, than to marry a rich, rich man, and hire a nanny? I mean, my mama needs a break, like, bad! And I need a nice new wardrobe for my career sellin' houses! I need to bring out the big guns, obviously....Sommer, I'll be back! I need to find my ~~skimpiest~~ most honorable bikini, and those lucite stilettos! *trots back into SO house*

Y'know, I seem to recall a man that ~~smelled~~ looked just like this guy, um, dating me, right before I got preggy with Jackson....hmmm, I wonder if I should contact Maury for this one?

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-13-06, 08:08 PM (EST)

79. "RE: The Yahd Sale"

Hey Senator Ted, why dontcha just grab your bottle of Old Crow and crawl back under that rock? And get your hands off that pole dancer! She's a houseguest, not to mention a woman of honor.

Don't make me call you out on my Web site...

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-13-06, 11:39 PM (EST)

83. "RE: The Yahd Sale"

Yeah! I am a woman of honor! And I really like librarians...what's your name again? Do you have "Horton Hears a Who"? I really like that book. And you have a website? I had pictures on a website once.... but, Iyanla said that women of honor didn't have those, and then I had to sell some stuff, and boom! No more pics. Do you like pickles? I really like pickles.... you wanna go grab some coffee, and I can show you all my art?

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-14-06, 07:25 AM (EST)

88. "RE: The Yahd Sale"

Sure, baby, anything you say! After the pickles you can come over to my place and I'll show you my rare book collection.

It's the fedora that gets 'em, every time...

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-14-06, 02:33 PM (EST)

89. "RE: The Yahd Sale"

Yay! Does that mean we can ~~do the naughty-naughty bump-bump~~ get married, like all my sisters, too? Aw, we don't have to do that....unless you wanna. Is a fedora just like that old woman from "Bewitched"? I watched that show all the time when I was a kid....even yesterday! She was really neat, with her big red hair and wild eyeshadow. I always wanted to look like her. Anyways, I'd like to go look at your rare book collection, as long as you'll read them to me, and make sure to do the voices!

Is "Green Eggs and Ham" a rare book? What about "Hop on Pop"?

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-11-06, 11:47 PM (EST)

34. "RE: The Yahd Sale"

Wheyah ah all those FANS??? Mr. Jon SAID we had some fans didn't he?
You'll have plenty of fans, once XXXXtina finishes making them.
"Okay Christina and Sommah...I think it's time foh you to go out to the street in youah uh, swimwheyah and hustle up some business. NO, not you Lisa...and definitely NOT you Christie. Sit down!"
Wade Boggs must be getting desperate again.

*resists making an inappropriate Big Dig joke*

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-11-06, 11:37 AM (EST)

17. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Well fiddle-de-poo! I finally get back here to my little SO home where everyone is required to admire, adore, & support me after ~~strutting & posing~~ working on my NEXT big television hit show - you know, the ~~Miss America~~ Mall Beauty Pageant. I was the star, you know! They came up with the show BECAUSE of me. After they saw my unrewarded beauty, writers & producers everywhere wanted to find a special project to show my beauty and my speaking ability to the whole world! ::repositions into awkward beauty pageant pose::
I find a WEDDING being planned without my permission and without me being the center of attention! Then I figure, it’s just my little sweet-muffin, Jodi’s way of surprising me! Sorry, suger-luv, I guessed your surprise! I found out you were planning OUR marriage to that scrumptious Danny-boy, that little Partridge fire-ball. You little stinker you! Cuz I know you meant it when you promised to love, honor, & support me forever, and if you ever claim otherwise, I always carry a copy of the promise you made to me at my SO graduation!
Now I gotta go get my ~~used~~ special wedd’n dress ready for our blessed day – the day we become Mmrrss Danny Bonaduces! Don’t worry, you can still be the only one in all-white. I’ll add one of the beauty pageant sashes I ~~made from leftover ribbon from my blessing candles~~ won to MY white dress. That will make me you stand out. Oh, I’m SOOO happy!
And I mean it – I can help a lot to make this wedding everything of our dreams. All I have to do is find that paper from the 5k race where I wrote down the difference between a "to-do list" and a "schedule". Won’t take me but a few dips in the SO dumpster to find it … cuz I AM a professional event planner, you know!

I am beautiful, you know. And I have compassion.
I am very famous because I am in Rhonda’s book.
I am a professional event planner with training in "to-do lists" and "schedules"

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-11-06, 02:45 PM (EST)

20. "Yahd sale..."

<Antonia removes the $1.00 price tag off Christie's donation to the yard sale: an autographed copy of Rhonda's book. Writes up a new price tag for 25 cents...>

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-11-06, 04:32 PM (EST)

23. "RE: Yahd sale..."

"Scratch that....10 cents! A bargain!!! Step right up everyone!"
*Crickets chirping*
"Okay...FREE WITH PURCHASE!???"

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mbinkc 32 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
07-11-06, 05:35 PM (EST)

25. "RE: Yahd sale..."

*pulls up in a Sanford and Son lookalike truck*
Helllooo Ladieeesss!!
Antonia, you should see how cute I look in the baby doll dress! And the bonnet...well, let's just say that it makes my dear darling manly Dr. Stanley just squeal with delight!
In order to show you my gratitude for ~~saving that outfit for me~~ working so hard, I wanted to drop ~~thousands~~ a few of my videos off for you to sell, and you get to keep the money!!. I've been able to buy so many pairs of short shorts and to-die for super shiny sparklie tank tops from the ~~suckers~~ people who wanted to learn how to exercise. Let's see here...ohhhhh, I love this one...it's called "~~Real Fatties~~ Dancin' to the Oldies." And here's another one..."~~Real Old Fatties~~ Dancin' to the Oldie Oldies." Plus, I have "Let's ~~Make Fun Of~~ Have Fun with Losing Weight." Like I said, I made some, how do you always say it?, $eriou$ ca$h?, selling these fun, fun, FUN videos. I LOVE fun! Really, I do!!
*leans down to whisper to Antonia*
Okay, babydoll, you want some $eriou$ a$$ ca$h?? Get that Allithun "thing" away from me! She is threatening every ounce of my ~~love affair~~ friendship with Dr. Stanley. Off her quietly and honey, you'll never, and I mean NEVAH, have to ride the bus again.
*Yells over to the Sanford and Son lookalike truck*
Okay, Stanley, she said ~~to dump them all right here~~ that she thinks she might be able to sell a few!!
*skips away while giving Antonia a secret "wink"*

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-11-06, 07:39 PM (EST)

30. "An errand for Allison...whistles innocently..."

"Ohhhh Allison.......
Hey Allison...I could really use yoah help heyah. We have a few too many of these videos to fit on the table and they ah clutterin' up this amazin'ly successful yahd sale.......so I was wonderin' if you might be able to take some down to the basement foh me. I know how you LOVE to help out yo Stahtin' Ovah Sistahs. You will? Thanks loads, hon."
<Basement door slams and locks. Very faint, muffled "Hello? Ith anyone there?>
"Ohhhh Richahd........"

$$$$$$$$$$$$$

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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
07-11-06, 05:01 PM (EST)

24. "RE: Yahd sale..."

{Iyanla is walking up the driveway to the Starting Over House. She is passing people who are carrying ceramic pears, lamps, and a few bowls. As she approaches a table full of stuff, she sees Antonia putting a 25 cent sticker on one of Rhonda's books.}
Lord have mercy, child, what are you doin'? Are you having a garage sale to pay for this weddin' I keep hearin' about? Word to the wise, darlin' - they book ain't never gonna sell for a quarter...you gonna hafta GIVE that puppy away, AHAHAHAHAH!
Hey baby girl, tell Mama I what's been happening here....I just passed a very unattractive red haired man crying and sayin' that Jodi wasn't marrying him after all, and there was a skinny white boy with a wrinkly face singing, "Come On, Get Happy" right behind him. What in the name of all that is holy is going on here?
Nobody called me back, Miss Antonia,...so I don't know....is there a weddin' or not? I thought Jodi was marrying the ugly red-looking man. But now I hear a rumor that Christie and Jodi are getting married. Now a third rumor says Jodi is marrying a statue. Tell me darlin', is anyone sane here, or should I just turn around and go back to my mansion and forget there was a Starting Over. That would be OK because if Jill sees me she gonna try and get my new phone number, and a woman can only think of so many excuses, you know what I'm tryin' to say?

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-11-06, 06:31 PM (EST)

26. "Mama I!"

"Oh Mama I! I am sooo glad to see you. (Antonia jumps behind the table and quickly ducks a bone crushing hug) You ahh the only grown a$$ woman around heyah and probably the only one ~~with any money~~ with any sense."
("By the way, theyah were some strange a$$ people heyah earlier lookin' at yoah potions. But they didn't have any cash so I told 'em to get lost. What's in those bottles anyway?")
"And don't you worry about our girl Jill. Seems she had a little scootah accident. She sat on the thing and flattened it and then got stuck on the...(shudders)...well, it was awful. I don't think she'll be showin' up today."
"Uh...and...you shuah look good today...I uh, just LOVE the ~~tent~~ dress...(ducks another hug)...and uh...I was wonderin' about the money Stahtin' Ovah promised me. You do rememba that dontcha? A LOT of money wasn't it? Ya know, I am ~~in debt up to my eyeballs~~ just a little short of cash. Can ya help me out heyah, Mama I? I got a whole lot of exahcise videos you could have foh yoh Centah. Exahcise is good foh the spirit, right?"
"Let me know would ya. I'll be takin' a nap."

Lookin' this good doesn't come cheap...

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-11-06, 07:45 PM (EST)

31. "Here's some support, Christie"

Well, sister Chris, you figured it allll out *snickers*; I know I promised to financially support you and your brother- what was his name, Wayne? Anyhow, I figure that if you and Danny get married, well, he is a star, and he could ~~keep you in a huge supply of pills and booze~~ really help you further your career, as a....whatever it is you do. So, my love, this wedding is for you! I even left that old Justin off the invite list! Just to support you. You'll still get the wedding cake Andie found- don't even try and act like you don't like cupcakes as much as I do! heehee! You know a few ~~mouthfuls smushed in your face by your groom~~ bites won't hurt. I have decided that in order to stand in my truth, I need to become one with my Buddha, move to an old farmhouse in Wyoming or Idaho, and build furniture. And pottery on the side, ~~since I'll never have children~~ since it's a latent talent of mine. So, four days left to plan a wedding and move out of the SO House. Let's get crackin', ladies!

P.s.- Iyanla, give us a day that's good for you, and we'll work from there. Reception still to follow at Carl's Jr.!

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-11-06, 08:50 PM (EST)

33. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

LAST EDITED ON 07-11-06 AT 08:54 PM (EST)
Yo, CHRISTIE!
Whaddya say me and you tie the old knot, ALONE?! That is to say, without *hic* ~~Jabba~~ Jodi? Then you can be the one and only Mrs. Bonaduce, and you won't have to share me with *belch* anyone else.
You know, I have a thing for huge thighs. And I'm a sucker for ~~women who look like freakin' cold-hearted statues when they pose for a photographer~~ women who enjoy modeling. And event planning. And being mentioned in a loser's book. I think we'd be a real team, Christina -- Cassie -- er, I mean, Christie... yeah, right, it's Christie, right?
It was you I wanted all along, my little ~~thunderbutt~~ tiny tushy, not that rolling tub of lard Jodi. I don't think I could handle all she's got to offer, 'specially when she's standin' in half of it and claiming it's her "truth." That "truth" of hers looks suspiciously like vomit, if you ask me. She musta been standing too close to LisaTwit.
But *hic* -- nobody asked me. I'm only volunteerin' vital information here. Back to us. How's about this for an invite?
Say the word, my little Rhonda-worshipper, and we'll get it on! Time's a wastin', ya know. *BELCH*

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-12-06, 09:44 AM (EST)

42. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Ohhh ... Danny-kins, you little red-~~eyed~~ headed ball of sugar-love, you! I KNEW you couldn't possibly love that ~~fatty~~ friend of mine. I KNEW IT! You probably planned this all along! You needed ~~Lardi~~ Jodi to get closer to ME. I understand, my little pet ... I know how intimidated most people are by someone as famous and beautiful as me.
I have a few questions for you first ...
The wedding ... will there be masses and masses of photographers and media coming to the wedding? I MUST be seen and admired!
Are you going to be able to handle it that I am a much bigger superstar? You know I can't help it that I am loved by soooo many. You on the other hand, well ... you were kind of a bratty but cute kid - but now? Well, to me, you are still that adorable bratty little kid ... but I'm not sure you are fully standing in your own truth. But don't worry, my little partridge, I can help ANYONE now. I can teach you how to stand in the truth of who you are as a man. I know how to inspire everyone. We can walk this wonderful change together. This will be a perfect start for us
::hands Danny a special BonBon Charm she made for him::
"dare to change for Christie"
Now come with me you wild-eyed, love-bird ... lets go get my ~~stupid~~ brother & all go have our hair & nails done!

I am beautiful, you know. And I have compassion.
I am famous because I am in Rhonda’s book.
I am a professional event planner & know the difference between “to-do lists” & “schedules”.
I have an extensive background in family services because I know how to get welfare.
I can read books now, almost without moving my lips!

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-12-06, 09:58 AM (EST)

43. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Oh, yeah, honey, you can bet your boots, about the paparazzi at the wedding. Prepare to be photographed more than you can possibly imagine. I know you'll lap it up like milk in a kitten's dish, or something like that. Notice I'm trying to be sweet here, since *belch* I'm learning from you that change is good. And I can stand in it. No, wait, you stand in the truth, right? I guess that means you lie down in change, huh. So what am I wallowing in when I feel like I'm gonna pass out? Truth or change? Inspiration? Intimidation? Colt 45?
*HIC*

Uh, am I supposed to snort this bonbon or smoke it?

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-13-06, 02:27 PM (EST)

71. "Pay up..."

LAST EDITED ON 07-13-06 AT 02:34 PM (EST)
or DR. Table and I will have to sue. This will cost you big time...$400.00 an hour doesn't begin to touch this one! $4,000.00 or Woody will publicize the pictures he took with his ~~tree~~ cell phone.

AF 2006
We can't keep this deal under the table.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-13-06, 06:55 PM (EST)

75. "RE: Pay up..."

"Aw sh!t. I'm uh, ~~so desperate I sold Stanley's blanky~~ just a little short of cash, heyah." (Mumbles under breath: "So what else is freakin' new?")
<Sweeps piles of unsold Rhonda books and Richard videos off the table on to the ground. Dumps out the contents of the yard sale cash box on to the table>
"Dammit...you can have it all. All the (bleepin') HUGE profits. Let's see...We sold lots of Stahtin' Ovah stuff to our ~~several~~ many fans and I made a whole...let me count...$43.28. Heyah! Take it girlfriend. It's all yoahs."

I'm so desperate I'm puttin' Cassie out singin' on the sidewalk with a tin cup!

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 02:42 PM (EST)

120. "It's up to my Agent"

Memo to Sahara:
All Antonia has is 43 bucks. That doesn't even come close to paying for all my *ahem* supplies.
Do you have another deal you're working on?
Call me on my tree phone.
Dr Table

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 05:11 PM (EST)

125. "RE: Pay up..."

*Black stretch limousine pulls up to the gate*
*driver holds door open for a bald man*
*walking up driveway, the fine looking black man bumps into Antonia*
Hello Antonia, I am Farrah Gray...Realionaire. Are you willing to listen to me? I see potential in you. You are a real On-Tra-pa-Newer. Just like me.
Do you want my help?

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-15-06, 09:51 PM (EST)

131. "Sign me up sweetie"

"Hey sweetie, uh Farrah. You ah one fine lookin' businessman. Mmmmm mmmmmmm. How much do you chahge? You ah right on, I am a grown a$$ businesswoman and a kick a$$ On-Tra-Pra-Newer but I uh, am just a LITTLE short of cash ~~oh about $50,000 worth~~."

But I AM cute...

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-16-06, 02:43 AM (EST)

140. "RE: Sign me up sweetie"

Ask yourself Antonia, what is easy for you but hard for others. Could you do this thing for years to come? Then you need to find out where you can apply this.
Such as, I hear you like to sleep. How about house sitting?
Get your mind working, Antonia.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-16-06, 10:39 AM (EST)

142. "RE: Sign me up sweetie"

<Eyes Farrah up and down. Pulls out small rake and tries to comb hair>
"Yeah whatevah sweetness. I like to think outta the box so I can do as little actual work as possible. I am one SMAHT grown a$$ businesswoman. I sell sh!t. That's what I do."
"That's one fine lookin' briefcase ya got theyah. Ya think you could get one foh me?"
"Call me late-ah. I gotta take a little nap befoh the weddin's. Ah you comin' to the ceremony?"

I might listen to this guy...he's fine AND he has money!

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 04:04 AM (EST)

168. "RE: Sign me up sweetie"

A tip Antonia:
You have to have a level of hustle in anything that you do. Stay with it after everyone else gives up. And remember what Abe Lincoln said, There are things that come to those who wait, but only what's left by those who hustle.
To answer your question, I will see you at the weddings.
*hands a rose to Antonia and steps into limousine*

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-12-06, 06:31 AM (EST)

37. "RE: A little birdie told me..."

that there's a very special boy out there who's celebrating a very special day today!
Look, our facial expressions match! Is that kismet or what?

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mbinkc 32 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
07-17-06, 06:28 PM (EST)

189. "RE: A little birdie told me..."

Helllooo Ladieeesss!!
How sweeeeeet of you to remember my birthday!! I am just overwhelmed with joy!! Did you see my hat?? I looked so regal, didn't I? Could someone please pass me a tissue?
I have been ~~in a drunken stupor~~ in secret meetings with Mr. Murray these past few days planning...oooohhhhh...I can't wait to tell you!!!...A Starting Over ~~Fattie Tub-O-Lard~~ "Ladies Losin' The ~~gazillions of~~ Pounds." Doesn't that sound like fun, fun, FUN?? I love fun, don't you? Of course, all of you will ~~get plenty of DAW time~~ be in the video, even the really skinny girls!! You skinnies need to tone up your muscles, riggghhhtt??? My dear, darling, manly Dr. Stanley has agreed to help me, and he's even going to ~~pat my hiney a couple of times~~ wear the same outfit as me! You will hardly be able to tell us apart. I will have the contracts written up and mailed to your house/apartment/refrigerator box/condo as soon as they're done. Can't waaaaaiiiiittttt!!!
*spies Antonia taking a nap under the table*
*slips her a ~~bajillion dollar bill~~ cool $20 for keeping Allithun away*
Soooooo, this is really it, isn't it?? We ALL have to leave this house ~~from hell~~ now, right? I can't believe it's over. I just get ~~my hands on Stanley~~ to know all of you, and now it's time to say goodbye to all of my new family. Could somebody please pass me another tissue?
I've got to go ~~get my hands on that manly Stanley again~~ finalize contracts for my new project, but I'll be in touch~~ing Stan the man.~~
Byeeeee Ladieeesss!! Byeeee!! Gooooodbyeeeeee!!!

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-12-06, 07:04 AM (EST)

38. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

OK. I have NO idea how this happened.
End of story.

It could be worse. They could be wearing tube socks.

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-12-06, 08:06 AM (EST)

39. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

And after their makeover, they'll be Paris and Nicole, eh?
You almost DAWed your way into another show. Almost.

(That? Is a riot.)

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-13-06, 04:33 AM (EST)

60. "Hey Andy!"

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-13-06, 07:09 PM (EST)

76. "RE: Hey Andy!"

Maureen, you posit an extremely good point. I'm not sure why people say that. Could you please enlighten me? I mean, I so understand what you're saying, and I've heard that expression many, many times. But you've got such a point! Isn't that what you'd call an oxymoron? Sleeping like a baby, yet not actually sleeping? But that brings up another thing: Can a whole phrase be an oxymoron, or does it have to be just two words? Or is an oxymoron that cleaner one of our kind sponsors makes? Oxy-something. Anyway, you've got such a point here. I'm so glad to see you standing up for yourself and stating things that others might not understand, and that I'm sure you're able to explain. You are coming out of your ~~refrigerator carton~~ shell, for sure, and you need a makeover to celebrate!
Oh... wait a second... were you making a joke when you brought up that baby-crying crap?

Whew! Sure glad I didn't have to pay a cover charge to hear that one...

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 03:02 PM (EST)

121. "RE: Hey Andy!"

I'm not making any jokes Andy. I'm concerned for you. Are you getting sleep?
I would love a makeover. I'm getting married to David Cassidy. I would love to look beautiful for him. Do you think I look like Shirley Jones? Oh Well, when can we go shopping?

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-16-06, 01:49 AM (EST)

137. "Eeeewwww!!!!!"

If you looked like Shirley Jones that would be - like - well, David Cassidy marrying his mother.

God is good all the time and all the time, God is good.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-12-06, 01:06 PM (EST)

46. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

Well, sister-poo, I guess it's safe to assume at this point, that (as our beloved MP would say), Buddha is not the father! Since I have so much love and compassion for you, I won't badger you into telling me who the babies' daddy is (I can see now, raiding Kim's happy juice stash can lead to things like this), but I will say this- cute glasses on them! Did they come from, oh what's that store Cassie shops at? Prototype Vintage? I know how she loves that place! Seriously, those glasses are adorable! I think the next time sister Jill ~~cons~~ asks for new glasses, she should get a pair like those! And Alithun, too- I know how much she likes to color-coordinate, and matching your hair to your eyewear? Genius. Ok, I'm not after your job, you maven of, um, style, you, just thought I'd say what cute glasses those ~~little trolls~~ babies of yours have! I'm off to shout at the Buddha-verse now; I haven't seen him since the whole wedding thing started. I hope I haven't offeneded him! Buddha! Buddha-boy! We need to chat!

What's the difference between tube socks and the outfit you got for Lisatwit's "graduation"? About 24 inches.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-12-06, 07:36 PM (EST)

48. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

"WTF? Are you KIDDIN' me?? Those are some ~~seriously ugly a$$~~ interestin' kids!

Maybe some tube socks to covah theyah heads!?!

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-12-06, 08:11 PM (EST)

49. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

My dearest sisters, how can you possibly say anything negative about my twin bundles of *erp* joy? Beauty, after all, is in the eye of ~~RhonDAW and Christie~~ the beholder. And don't you forget it.
I will hold my head high and walk proudly with my beautiful ~~tax exemptions~~ offspring, and together the three of us will ~~start a pop band and all wear ruffled shirts~~ learn to value our lives and loves, and also learn ~~how to squeeze blood from a turnip~~ all about saving money while looking stylish!
My children are, after all, the future of Centz of Stylin' -- I mean, Scents of Cents -- no, wait, it's Cents of Scents... oh, darn it, I mean Cents of Smile! Oh, you know what I mean. I must have postpartum confusion. Plus I'm just plain overworked and tired. Trying to be a mother and a fashion diva is simply exhausting.
Come, children, it's bath time! Brucie, put that tube sock down! For crying out loud, what's that bar of soap doing in it? My goodness, you've made it into a weapon! And Sally, put out that cigarette and get in that tub! Right now!

Antonia, watch Brucie doesn't hit you upside your head with that tube sock blackjack...

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-12-06, 08:36 PM (EST)

52. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

Makeshift weapons? Delusions that they are funny? SMOKING?!?!?! That can only mean one thing, darling sis'o'mine- *whispers* Maureen is the father! For crying out loud, they even have the same hair, um, styles! Well, since you and I buried the old hatchet, and ~~since Christie stopped returning my affection~~ since I stopped supporting Christie, how's about Buddha and I move in with you? He's great with kids- takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin', that one! You can still run Scent of Lint, or w/e you call it, and I can continue my furniture making and home accessories. Of course, I'll ask that I be in charge 88%- I AM a natural leader, after all- Iyanla said so! I think...or was it Jill....or Kelly in a fit of jealousy? I dunno. Anyway, I bought a few knit onsies off XXXtina, and I think they'll fit Frick and Frack here. Or w/e you named them.

Still wheelin' and dealin', b/c I'm the leader!

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-12-06, 11:22 PM (EST)

56. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

~~Lardi~~ Jodi! You WHAT??? You STOPPED SUPPORTING ME??? You better not have stopped supporting me! You promised! ::stomping feet:: You promised!! ::stomping harder:: YOU PROMISED!!! ::stomping non-stop::
You know I didn't have time to ~~tickle your fancy~~ return your love! I had ~~crappy, cheap fugly~~ candles to ~~hoodwinkle~~ sell to my fans; I had the ~~Miss America~~ Mall-Ultra-Amazing-Absolutely-Most-Beautiful-Woman-In-The-World Pageant to win; ::strikes pose:: I had pages and pages of inpiration to write in those ~~horrid~~ unique journals to each and every one of my ~~four~~ thousands of ~~stupid~~ adoring fans; and haven't you been reading my blog? Oh, never mind ... what am I saying -- of course you read my blog - every day! Who wouldn't. I am so interesting. I am so inspiring. I am so loved. I am so famous. I am ...
::shakes head to stop glazed eyes - returns to topic::
Now, my sweetie-bestest-SO-buddie-pie, I always carry a copy of the tape showing you saying you would be my husband ... to honor, obey, and support me all the days of my life ... oh - and also that funny little kid that keeps showing up at my apartment. Now where did you say he came from again? Whatever - at least I get that check too. But you, my lard-butt-love-muffin must NEVER cross me. I have pull, you know, & I can have bad things happen to you if I have to.
And now you REALLY owe me. I'm taking that wild-drunken-loud-mouth-freak of a fiance' off your hands!!! ::whispering:: I have a plan for that uncivilized-red-eyed-fireball-Danny. I'm going to transform him ... on camera ... without him knowing!!!! I've made the contacts. The cameras are on the way. Look ... down here between my ~~saggy, down to my waiste~~ breasts ... here's the hidden camera & mic.
::slaps Jodi's hands, pulls her off::
STOP! Now listen to me! You are the only one I'm telling this to ... cuz you are my sugar-dumplin' who will make much money to give me! SO reruns will be finished soon and I'm not finished ~~making an a** of myself~~ becoming a famous reality star. I will transform that beast into a gentle, tender, respectful man who gives up all his wild ways & his addictions forever using my charms and inspiring words. He will worship me and thank me for all eternity. All while the whole world watches. I WILL BE FAMOUS! More famous than the LCs & Dr.S, than DrPhil, & Oprah! More than Parris, & Nick, & Jessica ... ALL OF THEM! And I will be RICH! RICH! RICH!
But until then, my pet, I need some more journals so I'm gonna keep using this credit card I took out in your name.

I am beautiful, you know. And I have compassion.
I am famous because I am in Rhonda’s book.
I am a professional event planner & know the difference between “to-do lists” & “schedules”.
I have an extensive background in family services because I know how to get welfare.
I can read books now, almost without moving my lips!
I can inspire you because I am perfect.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-13-06, 01:11 PM (EST)

68. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

~~Wide-load~~ Christie, if you don't want Danny, I'm sure Lisa1 will take him. He won't know what hit him- and then, when he gets a good look at those bank statements! Her little trips to Abercrombie, the Gap, Aeropostale.... even Antonia would take him, I bet. I still love you, you know this; just stop waving that tape around. I'll confess this to you now- the night "Janice" from "Friends" was over, and Cassie did that "dance" of hers...well, I threw the tape under Cassie's feet, then burned it afterward. So, I'm not sure who or what is on that tape you've got now, but I'm sure ~~you could blackmail someone else with it~~ you might find something interesting on it. You are my cup-cake snuggle muffin; don't forget that! Stop stomping, there's a crack in the concrete now, and Rhonda will blame it on me. You need to decide, my little sno-ball, who you want; me or Danny? Stop all that stomping! It makes you.....UNATTRACTIVE! There, I said it. Now, muffin-puss, make up your mind! And, btw, have you seen Buddha around lately? I really need to speak with him.

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-13-06, 11:01 PM (EST)

80. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

Oh NO, my sweetness! YOU will always be my #1 ten-ton-tootsie-pop. But I MUST marry my delicious devil-boy Dannykins. ~~I need to be with someone who can constantly attract the paparazzi~~ He needs me. You, Jodi-pie, will be a success -- you were always the original grown-a** woman! But the paparazzi - well, how do I say this ... they are afraid their cameras will break if they take your picture. But my Dreamboat-Danny, he has such a ~~disturbed, berserk, untamed~~ wonderful way of attracting all kinds of desperate & corrupt photographers. He could help me get my picture in the VERY BEST magazines ... maybe even the National Enquirer or Star or National Examiner - ALL my favorites!!!

I'm Christie - I am SPECIAL ... & I just bought a new dicshunary.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-13-06, 11:33 PM (EST)

82. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

For the last time, Christie-kins, I do not weigh a ton!!! Unlike ~~your thighs~~ the pile of money you will likely get following your product endorsements- Jenny Craig, Horse shampoo, Michael's Craft store (for all those candles you keep hawkin'). The world is your oyster, my little pearl; but if you don't cut out the tantrums, I'm going to have to take drastic measures- do the words "Danny is not actually divorced yet" mean anything to you? Now, I'm not into law, or anything, but last I checked, this is California, not Utah, and even then, polygamy is illegal. So, stuff that in your cup cake and snarf it! Lovey-poodle-pie. So, since I love you too much to let you get hurt, I must insist that you not marry Danny. Not when I hear David Cassidy is available!
Oh, and the cake is lovely, TJ! We could have one of each, if anyone is actually getting married. Who now, Niambi, Andy's mom.... Anyone else?

Gee...life really has never been this real!

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-14-06, 03:41 PM (EST)

92. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

OK, OK, my cherished jewel, I'll no longer menshun your ~~massive, super-hefty, whale-ishious~~ perfect body. You know I've always been jelus of your perfect proporshuns. And since you lost that pound ... WOW ... you are more perfect than ever!
By the way, have you seen my brand new dicshunary? That was my 1st won EVER! I loved it but somewon took it! It wasn't you, my doll-face-lovebird, woz it? I just don't know what to do without it. I finly lurned to read so I can have my book club for all my fans (and guess what! I'm getting better than my bruthur at not moving my lips so much when I read ) and I had my new dicshunary to help me look all smart and stuff. Now it's GONE! Do you know who took it? ..... WAIT! I'll bet it was that skanky-skeleton-Lisa. Shes all pised at me for trying to get her back in her cage and make her stop spitting on people!
I was hoping everyone would keep quiet about my Danny-kins being married. You know I just wanted my picture everywhere. Dont you think I would have lots more pictures taken if I married that wild wayward brute? He has such a ~~freakish crude~~ special way of attracting a lot of attenshun. Buuuut .... if you say that dreamy David Cassidy is avalable .... hmmmmm
::walks away thinking and mumbling::
Now WHO shood I manipulate into marrying pretty 'ole ME? That crazed wild man Danny can sure find some crazy-a** ways to get peepol to put him on TV and take his picture. And next to him I'm w-a-y more beautiful. But he IS married ..... which is a good thing. We'd surely be in the news & have lots of pictures taken and he'd be the one going to jail not me. After I saw what Jill's mug shot looked like, I might not want one of those. They don't always get your best model look in them.
But, Dreem-Boat Cassidy could be all MINE! And I think he still has some money left. Oh, wouldn't we have the most beautiful children?!! (And once I have children of my own, I could toss out that big kid that keeps following me home.) But HE wouldn't know where to get all the good drugs. And what happens when he gets really old, is he going to be able to buy us both all the surjuries we want? Or will he just get old and watch TV & scrach himself? I know that Danny guy will keep on doing wild stuff & make sure cameras get our picturs forever.
Oh my - what to do???

I am an employment specialist even tho I can’t get a real job myself.
Who took my brand new dicshunary!

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-14-06, 10:23 PM (EST)

102. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

*beat-up Mini Cooper screeches to a halt across the street from Pink's*
Stella! Stella!!! Er, I mean, Christie! Be mine! I think I love you! No, really, I do love you! I just got back from a sweat lodge ceremony out in Yuma, Arizona, where I finally became... enlightened. I also got freakin' hot and icky, but they told me that was part of the whole experience.
After I sweat out all my 70s teen idol crap, I came to my senses and realized who I am: a broken-down, old washed-up has-been with no money. And you know what? I can stand in this truth! Just like I stood in my sweat last week. I'm an authentic man now, a real man of honor, and along with my new buddy John Davidson, I am forming my own holistic healing center in Poughkeepsie.
So will you be mine? Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya, honey... no, wait, that's not my song! Anyway, please marry me... you'll be sweatin' off those thunder thighs in no time, I promise, my little dreamcatcher!

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 04:12 AM (EST)

169. "A Tip!"

A Lady never swears.

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-12-06, 08:25 PM (EST)

51. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

Oy vey, my little Andy, WHAT HAPPENED?
Holy moley girl, I can't believe what I'm seeing, and you know I've seen some stuff in my time. Dr. Frank was pretty kooky, you know, and that behemoth I was married to was like nothing I'd ever seen. That was during my strong, silent type-type phase, unlike my darling little Vantie. Just between you and me, I think Vantie's a tad bit nelly, but he's my honey, all the same.
But you? You need to go back and check your social calendar and see who you were with that night. This sure ain't the seed of some garden statue!
Personally, I'd call Maury Povich if I were you.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-13-06, 01:43 PM (EST)

70. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

Yes! Call Maury! I would, but I ain't too sure how the phone works. Pushing buttons can get pretty confusin'. I need to find out if this senator person is Jackson's father; it's that smell! I can't get it out of my head! He looks like he'd be fond of ~~schtrippers~~ dancers. Like ballerinas! I want to be a ballerina....maybe I'll ask Rhonda if I can borrow her tutu. Although, she didn't look too happy when she passed by a minute ago. Something about "Emmy," but I don't know what that's all about. Or maybe I'll go pick some flowers for this weddin'....I'm not sure who's gettin' married, but I know I get to throw flower petals and wear a purdy dress! *skips away to Rose bush*
BUDDHA? Is that you?

Are you, like, hidin' from Jodi? Or just meditatin'?

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 04:10 PM (EST)

124. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

Are you haveing flashbacks Christina? Just put your nose deep into my branches. Inhale!
I've always liked you. You'll make a wonderful flowergirl. So cute & in-o-scent.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-16-06, 01:48 AM (EST)

136. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

You think I'm purdy? Well, I think yore purdy, too! *deeply inhales rose scent* Mmmm....I'm kinda sleepy....I think I'll lie down for a bit. The weddings haven't started yet, anyway......

*Snnnnxxxxxx*

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 02:05 AM (EST)

165. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

*while Christine sleeps the Rose tattoo's her*
To remember our time together.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-17-06, 12:22 PM (EST)

176. "RE: The First Pictures of My Twins"

EEEEEEK! My daddy is gonna kill me! He accepted the fact that I got married at 16, moved to Vegas, worked as a schtripper and was kinda a prostitute- but he always said "if you ever get a tattoo, I'm gonna kill you, girly!" *sobs* It is a purdy <sniff> tattoo, and I do love the rosebush. *touches spot on, um, her bottom, where tattoo is located* It still kinda smarts, but, well, maybe I can hide it from my daddy-~~I still have a few overdue bills, and need money~~ since I don't want to disappoint him anymore. Oh no, I've got to get to the weddings! I'm late! *starts running* Thank you, rosebush! Thank you!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Runnin' with a tattoo on yore bum is kinda- ow!- painful!

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mysticwolf 10692 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-12-06, 08:51 PM (EST)

54. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

This message has been interrupted...
Just popping in to say I'm glad to see you back, sweetie - even if it's only a visit. And, to be serious in a satirical thread for just a moment...
I want to congratulate all of the peeps that have taken part in these "Be The..." threads. With a special thanks to sharnina for stepping up to the plate to keep it going when it might have otherwise died.
You've all done a great job, and provided a number of hilarious moments in accompanyment of a series that - like many, if not most, RTV shows - wants to take itself far too seriously, at times.
You've kept it all within bounds and, somewhat of a rarity on this forum, there has rarely been a need for me, or any other mod, to step in, in an official capacity. For that, if for nothing else, you have my undying thanks.
And, for forming a base of peeps that understand and appreciate the board guidelines and alerting peeps and posts - even, sometimes, your own - that didn't conform. It's peeps like all of you that help keep this a nice playground for everyone. I thank you for that, as well.
As the season, and, evidently, the show wind down to a close, I hope that I will see you on other show forums bringing your unique satirical talents to bear on other hapless RTV DAWs. There's no lack of them to joust at, that's for sure. But talented jousters are more rare. And, that talent runs rampant among this group.
It's been a rush from the start. Those of you that were here at the beginning, when the official SO boards kind of dumped folks over here know what I mean. But, it turned out okay. And, that's because of folks like you.
Cheers!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast. Carry on.

Puppy Lvoe from Tribe blogging's scary
And, while this may sound a lot like a goodbye, it isn't. We, and the show, are still attracting newcomers that don't necessarily "get" what the board is about. I'll still be around keeping an eye on things, as will Bebo. So, after saying all these nice things about you don't disapoint me in the aftermath. (Not that I think that you would. )

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-13-06, 09:05 AM (EST)

61. "Oh, Danny Boy?"

LAST EDITED ON 07-13-06 AT 09:06 AM (EST)
Is this your way of getting out of this wedding?
Remember how long Donny Osmond lasted as a game show host? (What is, "not very"?)

I? Have nothing to do with this show. As if anyone will watch.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-13-06, 09:33 AM (EST)

62. "What about ME!?"

<A large crowd has formed and gathered around the stroller containing the Paige twins. Oooohs, ahhhhs and horrified gasps can be heard above the buzz of conversation. Lisa is watching from the window, sees her chance and bursts through the door>
"Oh why, why, why doesn't anyone love me? WWWWHHHYYYY?"
<Wail, snort, snot, spit, gag, spit, gag, GAG, WWAAAAAIIIILLLL>
<Crowd briefly glances in her direction>
"What? WHAT? What is it? My crayon red lipstick? My old lady wrap dresses or teen t-shirts? My bad dye-job helmet hair??? What, WHAT? Why, WHY???"
<Throws head back, gags, spits, snorts, grimaces, and for the finale...fake vomits>
<Crowd has moved away leaving Lisa alone in her fake vomit. She looks up to see no one watching>
"B!tches!"
<Gets up quickly and walks back into house>

I guess my charms aren't working any more...

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-13-06, 11:25 PM (EST)

81. "RE: What about ME!?"

You freak'n puke-pile ... don't you know no one has any use for a clanking creeking pile of hump-back skeleton bones except on Halloween? How many times do we have to slam you back in your cell before you quit trying to horrify the rest of the world by clattering around on any day other than Oct. 31? And wearing that gross hag-dress you found in your mothers yard sale isn't helping one bit. Now get your scary ugly bones back in that cell and quit spitting on all these nice people!
Now, if you want out more often, all you have to do is get a hefty rotund butt like mine. Then you will be a desireable woman!! Look at me ::striking pose I am beautiful. I have won many beauty contests. I am wanted by all men. All women are jelous of me.

I am Christie ... all women want to BE ME!

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-14-06, 01:28 AM (EST)

87. "RE: What about ME!?"

<Lisa walks up to Christie, looks her in the eye, and slaps her across the face>
"B!tch!"

Who you calling skinny, you giant lard a$$ sister of mine...

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-14-06, 05:11 PM (EST)

93. "RE: What about ME!?"

NOW LISTEN HERE you crazed freaky skank! There is NO slapping this valuable beautiful face of mine!! I'm sure the courts would give me millions if you mess up even a tiny bit of my natural perfect beauty. They will recognize how much money this beautyful face is worth for the rest of my life and make your daddy give me all his money instead of you taking it from him! HA! Then you'll have to go work at your stupid Limited 2 store if you want any more of those clothes you always wear. And besides, my Jodi-pie and I are back together now and I'm sure she'll hurt you for me if I want her to!
Hey, did you take my dicshunary? I can't find it. You better give it back if you did! You can't use it anyway. You aren't smart as me so you don't know how it works. I know it goes the same as the ABCs and I know ALL mine ... IN ORDER! So THERE!! *sticks out tongue*

I am Christie … you MUST to say nice things to me.
I graduated from SO by getting everyone else to do my work. I can inspire you to be just like me!
I am an anomaly because I have body parts from 4 different people.
I know my ABCs now ... IN ORDER!
I used to be obese, now I am just weight-challenged.
I will send you a journal with many pages already written in … all about ME!!
I am an employment specialist even tho I can’t get a real job myself.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-16-06, 00:02 AM (EST)

134. "RE: What about ME!?"

<Antonia quietly pockets the three dollars she got for selling Christie's dictionary. She deposits all seventeen of Christie's journals that didn't sell into the trash...>

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 12:11 PM (EST)

175. "RE: What about ME!?"

Antonia, embrace that you've found your area of excellence. You'll never have to work a day in your life. Your work will be your play. Then you'll love what you're doing.

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-13-06, 11:09 AM (EST)

63. "RE: Oh, Danny Boy?"

Great, Jon, just guhhh-reat. Number one, you've spoiled my surprise to the nation. Number two, you try and run me down and compare me to none other than Caspar Milquetoast Junior. Number three, #@%$* you for ruining my ~~excuse~~ reason to postpone my wedding to Cassie! I mean Christina. No, Christie -- I knew it all along, it's Christie.
What're ya gonna do for an encore? Bar me from the liquor stores? Stop the sales of Jim Beam? Burn down the distilleries altogether?
You can't stop me, man, 'cause I'm... unbreakable! I can't wait to reprise that great role Pacino played back in '83. Man, he's like my hero, and my inspiration for this project. I got that Tony Montana thing down, I'm tellin' ya.
Huh? What's that? Oh, it's a game show called STARface, not a remake of Scarface? Well, why the &^$% didn't you guys tell me? Yeah, sure, I was listenin' -- guess I just misunderstood. *HIC*
Anyway, it doesn't matter what the project is. Read the fine print, Porta-Jon: "Even in his darkest time, this guy's a pro," said GSN executive Rich Cronin.
'Nuff said, huh.
*BELCH*

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-13-06, 11:49 PM (EST)

84. "RE: Oh, Danny Boy?"

LAST EDITED ON 07-13-06 AT 11:53 PM (EST)
LAST EDITED ON 07-13-06 AT 11:53 PM (EST)
Sugar-Pumpkin!!! My sweet Booze-o The Clown, you're NOT seriously trying to postpone our wedded nuptulizing now are you? You know we MUST be together. We are made for each other! Our wedding alone will ~~get me on the cover of ALL the tabloids~~ be blissful! I need you ~~for the best suppliers of quality drugs & 100-proof booze~~ and you need me ... because I am an inspiration!

I am Christie – I will be your Sherpa through life!

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-13-06, 11:27 AM (EST)

64. "MY EMMY!!!!!"

*gasp* *choke* *sob*
My...my...my Emmy? What...*gasp* *sob* has happened to my...my...Emmy? Who...who cares about the SO ladies, *sob* the show, the ratings...*gasp* *choke* when the Emmy is *huge ugly sob* gone???? *blows nose*
Ah, the times we had together, Emmy and I! Emmy just loved my beautiful green dress. We spent many a night together and I would whisper my secrets into Emmy's ~~ear~~ handle. She would comfort me when I was down and helped me to love myself better. Sometimes we would make it a threesome, Emmy and Jonny and I. Ah, those were the best of times!
*evil fierce glint comes from ugly sneer scowl face*
Now who in the heck thought that I would wear Speedos, huh? I consider the Emmy by all rights to be mine, and so where do they get off making them into Speedos? I really was hoping for it to be presented to me as a necklace. Well, I guess for now, I will just have to admire them on my ~~Jon-Boy~~ Mr. Murray!
Oh, Great BM, let's get together and discuss any other spots you may have for me on another show, since this one is down the tubes. Please wear the Speedos...*giggle*

Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.
We need a get-together to plan our Australia get-away. *giggle*

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-13-06, 05:02 PM (EST)

72. "RE: MY EMMY!!!!!"

Of course I'll wear the Speedos. Why don't you surprise me by not bringing the mirror for once?
There's so much to do in Australia, not the least of which is diving the Great Barrier Reef. I've got a good friend who has a few suggestions as to where we could go:

And we ought to see Rolf Harris before he kicks the bucket. Keep your cockatoo cool, curl . . .

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-13-06, 05:52 PM (EST)

74. "RE: MY EMMY!!!!!"

Oooo - Baby... hubba, hubba!
I expecially love the black socks and shorts look. VERY fashionable.

God is good all the time and all the time, God is good.

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-13-06, 07:32 PM (EST)

77. "RE: MY EMMY!!!!!"

Um, Mr. Murray, I know it's been a while, but do you think I could come along to Australia with you and ~~that fake-browed plastic-looking Botoxed-out~~ Ms. Brittannia? I'd so enjoy it. I need such a vacation, what with all the work I've been doing on my television shows lately.
You and I could take turns wearing those Speedos... *wink!* And Ms. Brittle can hang out with your friend there, the guy in the picture. When she's not serving us drinks, that is.

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-15-06, 00:14 AM (EST)

106. "RE: MY EMMY!!!!!"

But of course, my sweet. We'll have a blast . . .
*hears Rhonda's footsteps coming toward the office*
Yes, blast the SO house into tiny bits. That's what I said. Goodbye. #hangup#

That? Was close.

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-16-06, 10:53 AM (EST)

143. "RE: MY EMMY!!!!!"

Blast????!!!!! I will blast you two to kingdom come if that diva comes to MY Australian getaway. I feel the need for a burning coming on, ladies....we must purge ourselves of those who rob us of any tiny bit of our self-love, and dear, sweet Tyra does that for me. Meet me one hour before the wedding!!!! I'm counting on you, ladies!!!!!

Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-13-06, 07:47 PM (EST)

78. "Oh, RHONDA..."

I was ~~scouting a location for my newest show~~ helping to clean up around the SO house, and I ran across this. Does this mean anything to you? Do you want to keep it? Or can the ladies sell it in the Yahd Sale?

Everybody sing!

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-14-06, 02:51 PM (EST)

90. "Hold everything!"

Calm down my ~~insane clown posse~~ sisters! We have all overlooked a very special person's very special day! Richard's birthday was ~~like a week and a half~~ a few days ago, and none of us even said "happy birthday," there was no cake, no new shiny short set....nothin'. We should all be ashamed of ourselves- except for Cojo and myself, of course, since we remembered. Shame, shame, SHAME! So, stop planning all these bogus, childish wedding plans, and throw a shin-dig for someone who really deserves it- Richie!

Seriously, get off your fat a$$es, and plan the man a party!

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-14-06, 09:30 PM (EST)

97. "RE: Hold everything!"

"Did ya sell the uh, pole Summah? Cuz if you got some serious cash from the sale of that seriously skanky a$$ pole, I say, let's go shoppin' foh some big a$$ presents! Richie's a great ~~girl~~ guy."

Shoppin's my midle name...

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-15-06, 01:22 PM (EST)

112. "RE: Hold everything!"

Y'know, Antonia, I haven't seen the pole since XXXtina went for coffee and reading with that librarian in the funny hat. *pole is on ground beside feet- Sommer gently kicks it downhill* I don't know where it is now! I do have the ~~$3.50~~ money we made from the carwash/striptease; we can go get a present with that, and whatever you have. I'm thinking Limited, Too? Claire's? Something that ~~would blind oncoming traffic on a sunny day~~ has a lot of sparkle to it. We can use whatever cake for whatever wedding that is going on today. I'm sick of weddings already. Why can't all our "sisters" just find a nice, normal camera guy, and be happy with that? It's also a good way to ~~furhter your carrer as a DAW~~ preserve a lot of good memories. You ready? And where the heck is the SO car? Since I know you are too pretty for the bus.

And just between you and me, people on the bus...well, how can I put this? They smell. All of 'em. Like b.o. and week-old Mexican food. And you may not know this, but, um, I'm horribly allergic to cumin.

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 05:05 AM (EST)

170. "RE: Hold everything!"

Antonia, You can do this. You are in the drivers seat. Just remember you need to knock on a thousand doors for one to open.

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Anne18 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
07-14-06, 03:37 PM (EST)

91. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

LAST EDITED ON 07-14-06 AT 03:39 PM (EST)
LAST EDITED ON 07-14-06 AT 03:38 PM (EST)
I have been trying to come up with something cheerful but all I can do is cry!!!
(One hour later ...)
*Sigh* Okay, here's the thing. Me and my bestest friend, Rhonda of course, will be forever friends!!! You hear me everyone??? OK!
Me and Rhonda are going to go shopping, go out to lunch, we may even rent a home so that we can always be friends!
I feel much better now! Oh, by the way, I'm living in California now, next door to Rhonda. I bought the house for a very good price. Anyway, John Davidson also lives in the neighborhood! Isn't it perfect??
Now, MY SON will be able to stay in his room and studio without having to worry about where to live. Sigh...How can I repay SO for all they have done for me???? Cassie starts to cry....

Me and Rhonda forever friends, you got that?!?!?

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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
07-14-06, 07:58 PM (EST)

94. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

People - People - People! Please, will ya'll help a Priestess out. Now I was told there was going to be a weddin'. I was told you all needed a Priestess. Now, I am a star, a very busy, should be havin' lunch with my agent from the, (clears throat) ahem -- William Morris Agency - yeah, I'm with them now, haha -, discussing my options, STAR!
Now, I only need to know a few things: Who and When and Where?
In otha words...Who all is gettin' married?...Christie, it looks like you're fixin' to hitch your wagon to anythin' that comes along, although I'm suspectin' that you love Miss Jodi or you want her to be a fathah figure to your brothah -- Miss Jodi, are you marrying that red spotted boy or not? The statue? Or Christie? I just need to know so I can say somethin' beautiful and movin' durin' the Yoruban ceremony.
Now, is it tomorrow, is it tonight????....tell a Priestess.
Oh, and Miss Andie Page....those are, without a doubt, the most repulsive children I've evah seen. Ick. Hasn't anyone told you that? If they haven't, they aren't being authentic....Go give them mini-makeova's....

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-14-06, 08:26 PM (EST)

95. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Pleaze, Fraulein Iyanla, do not forget that I am plannink to make Bridey my dear vife! I can't vait...

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-14-06, 08:32 PM (EST)

96. "The Real Grown A$$ Finale"

"Okay girlfriends. Yes, you too Richahd. Heyahs the deal. Last chance to do the deed befow we get thrown out on our sorry Stahtin' Ovah a$$es. Tomorrow night we'll have one final meetin'/pahty/weddin' (on Jon's dime). Everyone come on down and all the couples (in whatevah combinations make ya smile) can line up and the High *snicker* Priestess Mama I will do the deed. I don't care who the <bleep> is gettin' married... Danny, Lanny, Stanny, WHATEVAH! Hey hook up with Ozzie the freakin' dog if it toots yo horn. Just as long as theyah is free food I'm happy."
"Let's get this pahty stahted!!!"

And bring lots of BIG checks...

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-14-06, 09:39 PM (EST)

98. "RE: The Real Grown A$$ Finale"

"So who's comin'? And which couples ah doin' the weddin' paht? We need to know ~~so we can squeeze Mr. Jon for all we can~~ plan a great pahty!"

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 05:38 PM (EST)

126. "RE: The Real Grown A$$ Finale"

I'm getting married to Lanre, Antonia. We are so cute together. We have the most incredible runs. My dress is being made for me. Just tell us the time & place.

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 05:44 PM (EST)

127. "RE: The Real Grown A$$ Finale"

I am going to re-marry my husband. I will clean My Darling Bathroom to help out. Allison will take care of the Kitchen.

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-15-06, 05:53 PM (EST)

128. "RE: The Real Grown A$$ Finale"

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.

Hey Antonia, I am marrying my childhood teen idol. David Cassidy. We are going to live in his Lodge. How romantic!
*Maureen stares off into space* Yah later, I'm getting a MAKEOVER.

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-14-06, 09:45 PM (EST)

99. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Oh yeah, IV, don't you dare forget me and The Vantlet here! We are definitely getting hitched! In fact, I do believe we're the only couple who hasn't suffered some kind of drama-diva breakup or shakeup in the past week or so. Sheesh!
But I gotta tell you something, IV...
Who the &^$# do you think you are, insulting my grandchildren?! Now when it comes to Andy, yeah, I can understand somebody dishin' about her monobrow or her crappy makeovers, but you leave those children alone!
Vantie and I have high hopes for little Brucie and Sally Jesse, don't we, hon? Soon as we're wed, we're high-tailin' it outta this town and heading for biggers and betters. Andy doesn't know it yet, but we're takin' Brucie and Sally, and we're gonna have the best carny attraction this side of the Guiness Book!
So stop with the psychobabbling slams and get on with that Yuban thing you're gonna do, and marry me and Vantie!

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-14-06, 10:01 PM (EST)

100. "I'm Getting Married in the Morning..."

Iyanla Vanzant, you are NOT the Priestess! But you can perform my marriage ceremony anyway. Connie split after my little indiscretion not long ago and I think I've got Star Jones-Reynolds on the hook. Just gotta reel her in. Can we say... beached whale?! WAA HA HA! Sure, she may have had that surgery and all, but if I've seen it once (on my own show), I've seen it a million times: women who use duct tape to bind up all their blubber. So old Star's probably harboring more than just her hatred for Rosie O'Donnell; she's probably got a bunch of junk in the trunk, as well.
But she does have a pretty face. And a little lard will be a nice change, around my house. So please marry us.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-14-06, 11:07 PM (EST)

103. "RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morning..."

"Oooooooh, me, ME, ME TOO! I'm ~~finally~~ getting married! (Giggles) Mr. Internet Man and I will be making our on line romance permanent with all ~~you crazy b!tches~~ my loving Starting Over sisters. I'm so excited! What shall I wear???"

He better show up...everyone else turned me down.

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-15-06, 12:08 PM (EST)

110. "RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morning..."

*puts on sweater*
*takes off shoes*
*puts on slippers*
Oh, Lisa, I am so glad that you have tuned in today! I have a special word for you today. Can you say bigamy?
The Ghost of Mister Rogers

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-15-06, 12:37 PM (EST)

111. "RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morning..."

"Oh shut up whoever you are. I'M GETTING MARRIED!" (Dammit!)
<Lisa has shown up (alone) wearing her wedding gown...a strange, skinny, long, prom dress with big pink hearts stitched across the butt>
"I know he'll show up. He promised!" (And I think Daddy paid him a LOT of money)
<She has buffed up the helmet hair to a nice sheen and drawn on the big red lips to the point where they will glow in the dark>
"I'm ready. (Looks around frantically) Oh Mr. Internet...where are you???"

Just get him to the house on time...

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-14-06, 11:57 PM (EST)

104. "RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morning..."

YOUR little indiscretion?
How about your wife's big one?

We could power Atlanta with how fast Bob Hope is spinning in his grave.

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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
07-15-06, 11:30 AM (EST)

109. "RE: I'm Getting Married in the Morning..."

LAST EDITED ON 07-15-06 AT 11:31 AM (EST)
Jonathan, that wasn't an indiscretion....that's her "reel"...she's the entertainment at the reception. Wow. Do you have two bandaids? My ears are bleedin'....

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-15-06, 03:15 PM (EST)

122. "The Entertainment"

"WTF?!? ARE YOU KIDDIN' ME?!! Somebody lock Connie in the basement with Cassie. (BTW did anyone rememba to let Allison out of theyah last week?) If eithah of them try to sing at the reception the neighbuhs will call the cops cuz all the dogs will be howlin'..."
<Antonia is stressed out about all the plans. Her hair has escaped and is sticking out a couple of feet in all directions>
"(Bleepin' bleep)! I'm gettin' a headache heyah. <Eyebrows twitch uncontrollably> I thought Christie was the weddin' plannah. All I've seen that girl do is stand around posin' for (bleep) sake. Am I the only grown a$$ woman around heyah? I gotta go lie down..."

I'm so frustrated I need a nap or I'll have to go punch Cassie...

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Anne18 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
07-15-06, 08:44 PM (EST)

129. "RE: The Entertainment"

LAST EDITED ON 07-15-06 AT 08:45 PM (EST)
Antonia!! Antonia!! I promise I won't sing anymore!! PLEASE let me out! I have to go help Rhonda with her wedding and I have to help YOU with the plans in the house...Don't you want me to help you??

I'm an Errand Angel!

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 12:31 PM (EST)

177. "RE: The Entertainment"

Antonia, I hear your name where ever I go. There it is again.
*whispers to self*
You have gotten under my skin girl. You are what I've been looking for.
My third rule is: Find a way to give back and be of service.

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-15-06, 00:08 AM (EST)

105. "At the wedding(s) . . ."

#organ#
Dearly belovedlovedlovedloved . . .
We are gathered here todayayayay . . .
To celebrate this thing called Starting Overoveroverover . . .
. . . um, where the hell am I?

Sheila E. had to be behind this.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-15-06, 01:37 PM (EST)

113. "RE: At the wedding(s) . . ."

OOOOOH! *lunges for Prince* I love you! Not in the wanna get hitched way, but omigosh....could I be the most beautiful girl in the world? I'm sure my Christie-kins will say no, she is, and that hurts. *starts to cry huge tears* It's just not fair. No one will ever love me- not even that creepy Benedict guy from the Flirt-a-thon. I just want to be loved, and told I'm pretty. Is that so much to ask? For someone to love me, even when ~~I am covered in cupcake crumbs and Twinkie cream, smell like sick, and haven't brushed my hair for a week~~ I'm having an off day? Huh? I mean, my little fling with Danny was ~~frightening~~ exciting, but I will not love an emotionally unavailable man- or one who is ~~on parole until he's 80, and carrying several hundred pounds of narcotics in his trunk~~ not ready to leave his wife. And Buddha.... I love him so much, but that strong, silent type thing....he's so strong and silent, that I haven't seen him in several weeks! *sobbing heavily* Andy has her family, Niambi has Lanre....Rhonda her mirror, Iyanla the Universe, and everyone else all things in between. When is it my turn? I have done all of my assignments. I lost weight. I looked at the scale- while I was on it, no less! And, I landed that very lucrative deal with Hostess. I am a huge success! But why can't I find true love? Why? Why? Why?!?!?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?....... Is this what you meant when you sang "Let's Go Crazy"?

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-15-06, 02:29 PM (EST)

118. "RE: At the wedding(s) . . ."

A "huge success?" You're huge, all right, that's for sure... HAW HAW HAW!

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-16-06, 01:43 AM (EST)

135. "RE: At the wedding(s) . . ."

Aaaaaaugh! That is it! *throwing cupcakes, glasses, and a lead crystal ashtray at John Davidson* I have supported everyone one of you b!tches in this house- some more than others! I even put up with all of Kelly's domineering bull(bleep), too! *jumps on J.D., squashing him- ribs snap* When will you all learn, I just want to be loved? For who I am? That's all I have ever wanted- to be loved as is. My father didn't. My (many anonymous) lovers didn't. Hell, the hamster I had in 6th grade, Mr. Twinkles, didn't even love me- no, all he did was bite and pee on my hands. Universe? Do you hear me? I know Iyanla has always said to shout it to you, whatever it may be. Well, I'm shouting this to you- I am running away. For good. Nobody here loves me (except for Christie, but if I didn't get those huge checks from Hostess, she'd be gone). I have enough money saved to buy a cabin in the woods, and enough flannel to qualify me as a lumberjack. A petite lumberjack (I'm 5'3"! That, in fact, makes me petite, a$$es!). And, I can build furniture out of the trees I chop. *gets off of J.D., who is frantically gasping for air, possibly due to a punctured lung* I don't need a life coach, or "sisters," or a makeover, no; I just need an axe, a pickup truck, and a full tank of gas. Kiss my grits, b!tches! I'm out!
(and if the series is ever resurrected, leave me off the graduation guest list. I'm over Starting Over!).

I'm now a lumberjack, and I'm ok...... anyone know if Hostess delivers?

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-16-06, 04:47 PM (EST)

149. "RE: At the wedding(s) . . ."

LAST EDITED ON 07-16-06 AT 04:50 PM (EST)
Oh, PUHHHLLEEEEEEZE! Go cry those crocodile tears somewhere else, lady. You wanna know why I don't love you? Are you going to be ~~man~~ strong enough to tell them, or shall I? Huh? Huh? OK – you had your chance.
Folks, Jodi has a serious drinking problem. She always has, and she's always taken it out on me. It was never more evident than when this picture was taken.
I rest my case.

I hate vodka tonics.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-16-06, 06:56 PM (EST)

153. "RE: At the wedding(s) . . ."

Mr. Twinkles?!?!?! Why....I...I...I thought you went to live on a nice farm! Or at least that's what my mom said, after she dropped you in her bong (and that's how I learned that hamsters aren't bad swimmers....huh!). Oh, my small, furry little cuddle-bum; I never meant to hurt you. But, you know how it is- parents divorce, one lives across the country, never sends cards, you have a weight problem ~~and a face that looks like troglodyte~~ and low self-esteem. But, I have since gotten help for my drinking problem- have you ever met Kim? She'd convince anyone to stop, cold turkey too! If you can find it in your furry little sweet-faced heart to forgive me, I would be grateful. And, I would bring you along when I'm finished running away, too. We can be like Paul Bunyan and Babe, only I'm not that tall, and you're a small rodent. Whatever you want, you've got it. I am a huge success, after all, and I can get you the biggest, best wheel and the tastiest treats (or, if you'd rather skip the wheel altogether, and just have the treats, I completely understand, *wink wink!*). I might have been an abrasive, intolerable drunk in 6th grade, but I never stopped loving you. Forgive me? Please?

I will even remember to feed you this time around!

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-16-06, 08:15 PM (EST)

157. "RE: At the wedding(s) . . ."

...um...OK.
So let's get married!

I promise not to pee on you any more.

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-15-06, 03:44 PM (EST)

123. "Stop the presses! (and bring on the cameras)"

LAST EDITED ON 07-15-06 AT 03:49 PM (EST)
I have made a decision. With all of the soon-to-be-wedded bliss around me, I realized I have not done what I have been wanting to do for years. I can't wait! I don't know what has taken me so long.
I am getting married, too, everybody! I am going to marry the best person possible, lovely, sincere, intelligent, compassionate, full of good humor, etc., I could go on and on. I am going to marry myself!!!! I asked me, and I said yes. I have been yearning to do this since I had Layne marry herself last year. I believe I will make me very happy.
Oh, my, I had better get busy with the details. Cassie, I will need your help with holding my mirrors, please. Andy, please help me to find that perfect dress. And I will need the whole crew to help me with makeup! Oh, Dr. VantToLookJung, I need an emergency appointment, please!
I can't wait for the honeymoon.
I love me, I love me, I love me...

Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.
Don't worry, Jon-Boy, I have worked out an "arrangement" with myself to allow us to continue our "special meetings".

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Anne18 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
07-15-06, 08:47 PM (EST)

130. "RE: Stop the presses! (and bring on the cameras)"

LAST EDITED ON 07-15-06 AT 10:36 PM (EST)
Rhonda!! I will be right there as soon as someone opens the basement door and lets me out! Please come and get me! I don't think anyone will come!

Me and Rhonda Bestest Friends, got that??!?? P.S. Don't ever forget that I am famous in this house because John Davidson wrote a song for ME!

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-16-06, 02:10 AM (EST)

138. "Last confessional"

*in confessional booth, primping for the possible last time on camera* You know, it was soooo hard, being the prettiest hg on this show. But, even though I was accused of several horrible things, and that camera man never left hi- um, well, being pretty is sooo terribly hard. But, I have learned a lot since my visits here- being pretty will take you far in life. You never knew any ugly popular girls in school, after all! Also, the most valuable lesson- if you are pretty, like me, then you are too good for public transportation. Because only poor people ride the bus, and poor people smell. BAD! So, I will miss this house, my sisters, ~~all the things I can sell on e-bay~~....all the support from everyone. Not to worry, ~~desperate suckers~~ fans of mine- you will always be able to catch me on myspace, and I am always adding new pics, blog entries, and ~~links to crap for sale on e-bay~~ offering up my own brand of sage wisdom. *starts posing for new cameraman* You single? Wanna go somewhere? I have a bikini and some really cute lucite stilletos! They look so good down by the pool. *gets up, "seductively" turns to look back at said cameraman* Ya gonna come with?

You are gonna bring your camera too, right?

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-16-06, 03:38 PM (EST)

147. "RE: Last confessional"

::After cameraman whispers something into Christie's ear::
WHAT?!! Summer just said on camera she was the prettiest HG??!!
Don't shhhush me! I don't care if you weren't supose to tell me or not. That B!tch was NOT the prettiest in this house! EVERYONE KNOWS IT WAS ME!!
When was the last time she had the networks begging her to be in their bestest, most goodest, beauty pagent to pick the most beautifulest woman of all? HA! Well, as EVERYONE knows, that was ME ME ME! She just wishes!
That little slut - she got herself thrown right out of this house once and I'll make sure it happens again ... if I can ever get Rhonda's attention again. She's been so busy with her blasted mirrors, she hasn't even noticed ME.
But this day HAS to be all about ME - so Summer better shape up and get back over here & support ME!

I am Christie - everyone MUST support ME - everyday MUST be all about ME!

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-16-06, 06:32 PM (EST)

152. "RE: Last confessional"

SLUT?!?!?! SLUT?!?!?! Why, you wide-bottomed, thick thighed, self-centered mother hagger! Can you even spell slut without your "dicshunery"? Here's a hint- it starts with "C" and ends in "Hristie"! *grabs large handful Christie's of hair* How would you like to look like a chihuahua for your wedding, my gigundo pretty! *clump of hair comes flying out, lands on ground* Yeah, you like your new 'do? Not even Andy could fix this one! AH-HAHAHAHAHA! That'll teach you that you shouldn't be mean to others, and that I am the fairest one of all. I may have a problem with loving a few many men, kleptomania, and attempting to get a bit more camera time. However, I am no camera hog, I don't have ulterior motives, and for cryin' out loud, I'm not a subject in an unreadable book. You need to face facts- Danny doesn't love you, Justin didn't love you, your mom didn't love you, Jodi did love you, but you blew all that for a little extra camera time. So go ahead, try and get me kicked out. I'll survive ~~on the proceeds I get from hawking off all these lame SO souvenirs I've "acquired~~ because I am comfortable on my own. You'll have to do something pretty noticeable to get Rhonda's face out of those mirrors. Maybe you should see if John-boy wants to marry you! Ha! *picks up wad of hair laying by Christie's feet* I think Iyanla could, how you say, do something a little interesting with this!

Bibbity-bobbity-boo, b!tch!

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-16-06, 07:12 PM (EST)

154. "RE: Last confessional"

Oh, my dear sweet pet Christie, how could Jodi be so unsupportive of my perfect client? (I can't have you looking like this when we go on book tours.) Well, Dr. VantToLookJung will have to work on you, but there is no time for that until after his honeymoon.
*evil mean-faced sneer*
Jodi, I am so disappointed in you. Well, you know what I have to do. *sing-songy voice* You just had to look big, didn't you? You just had to look tough, didn't you? You just had to get jealous of nearly-perfect Christie and put your whole future up in smoke, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!!!!! Well, you just think about that while you sit in Lisa's jail cell!
*two burly assistants throw a net over Jodi and put her in jail cell*
*Jodi frantically cries out asking the assistants to marry her*
*Christie frantically cries out asking the assistants to marry HER*
*De-BOR-ah lumbers by chasing the cute little attorney*
*Rhonda sighs and goes back to the make-up chair*

Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-17-06, 02:00 AM (EST)

164. "RE: Last confessional"

*chewing bars of Lisa's "holding cell."*
Ptuh! Whoddathunkit, this cell was made of cardboard- the whole time! I'm surprised it didn't buckle with Lisa's last "bubble-fest." Uhg, now I've got cardboard in my teeth. Oh well, I've got to make my escape! *breaks last "bar" in half* Let's roll, Mr. Twinkles! No, not literally "roll," oh, don't look so scared! I meant roll as in get the heck outta- well, let's go! All the times I threatened to leave this place before my time, well now, I'm really gonna do it. Freedom! *gives Mr. Twinkles a sunflower seed*

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-16-06, 10:59 AM (EST)

144. "RE: Stop the presses! (and bring on the cameras)"

*checks watch*
(to self) Okay, I guess I can't wait any longer. I need her now for holding my mirrors and helping me with that tramp Tyra.
Oh, Cassie! Here I come, your great and wonderful life coach, to save the day!
*pulls broken mirror out of purse*
*saws open lock on door*
Oh, stop blubbering that you are hungry and thirsty and come help me. Sheesh!

Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

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Anne18 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
07-16-06, 12:01 PM (EST)

145. "RE: Stop the presses! (and bring on the cameras)"

LAST EDITED ON 07-16-06 AT 12:01 PM (EST)
RHONDA!!! Thank you!! I am forever grateful!! I'm sorry I was blubbering that I was thirsty and hungry... Your wish is my command! I have the perfect mirror for you in my bag. Here it is... How's this? Oh you look beautiful Rhonda! Tyra has nothing on you!

Me. Rhonda. Bestest. Got it?

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-15-06, 11:34 PM (EST)

132. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
07-16-06, 02:16 AM (EST)

139. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Well...aright - we gettin' somewhere now!
Jodi - out - not getting married, pissed off, gonna be a lumberjack....somebody find out if she's staying for the reception - tell her there's cake! And give Richard Simmons a total number of guests. He's playing event planner now...he's in the kitchen...black satin hotpants, tuxedo print T-Shirt, top hat, cane....you can't miss him....
Rhonda - in - getting married to self -- no big surprise there - can't wait to write those vows, tee hee
The cartoonish Doctor and Andie's Mother - check - and yo....don't even think of puttin' those freaky grandkids in the weddin' party...they look like they're growin' real fast - unnatural fast - actually, keep them away from me...they're freakin' Iyanla big time..
Christie! There are several men still available that you can thrown yourself at. The red dotty faced man from the Patridge Family, or David Cassidy, or you can ask Richard Simmons - but don't be counting on that - or you can beg Jodi. But girlfriend....I need an answer - in or out?
Now is there anyone else who will be taking the plunge today? We're paying this lousy organist by the hour, and Connie Chung is scheduled to perform in 2 hours.....and I plan to be a Yoruban memory by the time she gets here!

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-16-06, 10:24 AM (EST)

141. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

<Lisa is standing alone in her wedding gown. She is getting nervous and starting to drool. She begins to pout...>
"Ooooh...me me me ME, Iyanla! Mr. Internet will be here any minute! I know he will (or Daddy didn't pay him enough). I'M getting married...I am, I AM!"
<Hears housemate snicker. Lisa's personality begins to shift from whiny baby to raging maniac in a matter of seconds...>
"Shut up b!tch!"

I sure hope Daddy's check clears...DAMMIT!

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-16-06, 03:21 PM (EST)

146. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

::Pushes Lisa out of the way::
Outta the way you spitting, no-tears b!tch! I'M the one this whole day is for!
Iyanla - High Priestess Brought From The Great Voo-Doo Land Beyond, I'm here! I made it! I had to get more wedding pictures made! It took longer than I expected. That photographer took one picture then made me wait forever. I guess I ~~broke the camera~~ am so beautiful he had to find a special camera made just for someone as beautiful as ME.
Oh geez, now who do I marry??? Tell me, Oh Great Priestess On High - who will ~~give me a lifetime of love & happiness~~ help me get the most camera time? I need to know, Oh Holiness Friend To The Great Universe. Find the answer in your crystal ball & tea leaves and tell me who to ~~force into getting married~~ spend a lifetime of love with!
::whispering::
Look Mama I ... I don't much care who I marry or if I marry. Just gotta make sure I got me someone who's got some money and some pull to get me on that camera!!! I don't care if it's you ... just GET ME MORE CAMERA TIME! I'm too beautiful and too talented to waste my life living like a regular person. You know how that is!!

I am Christie! I am AMAZING! Now GET THOSE CAMERAS ON ME!

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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
07-16-06, 04:04 PM (EST)

148. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Ok...precious ones, last call for the marriage licenses:
We have, besides the lovings lovers I already mentioned:
Niambi & Lanre --- UmmmmUmmmm....now that's a pretty-people couple if ever I did see one -- Hey Andie -- that's how you make pretty babies...you start out with parents that look likes these two, ahahaahahahah!!!
Lisa & Mr. Internet Man....LISA - Chill my sista....don't be raggin' and haggin' on the sistahood because you got the pre-weddin' jitters....if Internet Man don't show, marry Christie...she wants to get married in the worst way, or maybe John Davidson or maybe Mr. Murray, heehee
Maury & Star Jones....Mr. Povich - your ex-wife, the piano bar and lounge singer, Connie Chung, will be entertainin' at the reception. Is this gonna work? You are Star tying the knot and Connie lookin' on? I mean, it's OK by me - I judge no man for his behavior...besides, I'll be gone after the I do's....but this could get freaky, you know what I'm sayin'?
Now, Christie, Iyanla, the wisdom of the ages cannot tell you who to marry, darlin'. But, hey, you could try Situation Man, you could try Cassie's son, he's 18 now - and with your "extensive" background in family services, this could be a great fit for you....yeah, a playmate and step father for your brother Cain, Cassie as your wise and loving mother-in-law, sort of.....yeah....here's the phone call him....
Anyone else? Or are we about ready to start the thing?

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-16-06, 06:02 PM (EST)

150. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Ah've just gotta get married. *pout* My baby needs a daddy. An' ah'm tired of bein' celibate, ya know. Ah can sing at the weddin' too, ya know. After all, ah DID win the talent show!
Lanre is ignorin' me. *pout* Rhonda, nobody likes me! Everybody hates me! Ah'm just gonna go and eat cotton candy!
If'n y'all don't find me a husband that ain't day-ud, ah'll leave the Startin' Over House for good, and you won't see me again, and you can all just sit they-ah and feel bad 'cuz you will feel so guilty and sorry for me. Won't ya?
Ah think ah'll marry that cute little guy that was xxxtina's attorney man. Anybody know his name? He was so cute...ah think he'd be a good daddy.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-16-06, 06:10 PM (EST)

151. "Let's staht the weddin'!"

"All right Mama I. I think weah FINALLY ready foh the big ceremony.
And I am Niambi's maid of honah don't fohget.
Just don't put no freakin' bows on MY a$$..."

Here come the ~~crazies~~ brides!

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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
07-16-06, 08:33 PM (EST)

158. "RE: Let's staht the weddin'!"

LAST EDITED ON 07-16-06 AT 09:09 PM (EST)
{This is the moment, the zenith, the apex, the highlight - the wedding. Four couples (and one Rhonda) will be joined in a special type of matrimony, one in which they promise to love each other until they evolve to a higher plane of consciousness, or until they get bored, or until something better comes along, or until they overdraw the checking account, or until they have their first knock down, drag out...whatever comes first.
Richard Simmons and Allison Stanley are sitting together. They are fighting over a box of Kleenex and they are trying to out-sob each other; Allison is beginning to hyperventilate. Not to be outdone, Richard's knees buckle, and he whispers, "the vapors, the vapors....oh my, I've got the vapors".
Guests from the past file in now - we see Jessica (she is setting up a table with some of her "professional" photos of rocks, flowers, and bugs for sale - she is also handing out brochures to the guests: "Cora's Photography: A Business Named in Memory of My Mother, A Woman Who Was a Victim of a Public Tragedy and Someone Who I Have Never Been Allowed to NOT Talk About" - and smaller letters underneath that say, "You'll Never Find Us on E-Bay"). Then there are Haley and Lynell, the mother/daughter team who hated each other, but had their lives changed with the superior life coaching courtesy of the Starting Over house in Chicago (both were wearing matching T-Shirts saying "I'm with Stupid). Bethany 1 comes in,(but she doesn't remember why) as does Cassie 1. Cassie is rolling a keg of beer into the house, and Cassie 2 is rolling in with a stroller with 18 year old Dustin sitting in it(she said it was an exercise Rhonda gave her -- something about reclaiming the lost years). Little chuccy PJ from the Chicago House, comes in wearing a T-shirt that says on the front, "Don't bother asking, I AM a model..and on the back, "plus size IS real modeling!", Kim Bookout shows up in looking like Outlet Day at QVC. She's wearing a pink & gold brocade pantsuit (ick, ick, ick), with dyed-to-match shoes, and obviously she could not decide what jewelry to wear, so she wore most of her daimonique in 18 kt. over sterling silver. Glittery!!! Oh, and on her neck...you guessed it...a choker with a huge pink lily! Josie showed up with her own brochure, "Toddler for Sale - No credit, Poor credit OK", Karrine Steffans is promising a copy of her tell-all sexpose book for every signature that she can get on her "Dear Oprah, we, the undersigned, think Karinne is just as good as Tyra, and she should be invited to the next 5o Great Black American Women Ball you do, OK?"
As the wedding march begins, most of the guests have been seated. We see a small scuffle happening in the back of the house where the bridal couples are waiting to enter the room. We realize that it is Rhonda. She is pushing and shoving, and saying that she needs to be first, since she is alone. Finally the other four couples yield to Rhonda, and they all begin marching up the aisle - which is just the middle of the living room. As they couples take their places in front of Iyanla, the Great Priestess of Camp, Iyanla lifts her arms, and the last chords of the bridal march is played.}
Rhonda and Rhonda, Dr. Vant To Look Jung and Bridey, Niambi & Lanre, Lisa & Internet Man, and Maury Povich & Star Jones shift nervously waiting for Iyanla to begin.
(if you wanna walk down the aisle, hoof it down here now or forever hold your peace!)
......dearly beloved, we're gathered here today......

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-16-06, 08:47 PM (EST)

159. "RE: Let's staht the weddin'!"

<Lisa is stumbling down the aisle, wrestling with the life size cardboard cut out of the infamous but yet unseen Mr. Internet>

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-16-06, 09:53 PM (EST)

160. "RE: Let's staht the weddin'!"

*Deborah pants as she runs in, carrying the cute little attorney man in a headlock*
Okay, ah'm ready now, and ah has me a GROOM! Ah hope ah'm not too late....

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-16-06, 10:24 PM (EST)

161. "RE: Let's staht the weddin'!"

::Christie runs in, smoothing the newest "Beauty Queen" sash she just made from the ribbons she pulled off the 100 "blessing candles" she placed & lit around the room - which, by the way, caused several small fires to drapes & pillows -- but were quickly put out by Christie's Best Man: Jodi
Hey - you wild-eyed Priestess of All That Is Bizarre, you better include me in these wedded nuptuals! I can't believe you aren't making this hole day and the hole serimony all about ME! You shood have all waited for ME! I shood have bin 1st! I'M the prettiest ... even after Summer pulled out most of my hair!
::turns to Summer, sticks out tung::
Ha-Ha Skank! I'm still prettier than you ... even tho I only have 12 strands of hair left!
::turns back to Iyanla - pushing tiara back ontop her head, as it keeps sliding down her shiny head.:: I still want to be married to that Partridge character but I can't find him. Just leave the hubby part blank. I'll make a few copies of the marriage lisense and use one whenever I need ~~some money~~ a honey.
Oh, & who's footing the bill for this shindig? These special unions must be blessed & I'm the only one that can provide this kind of blessings with my candles, so I'm giving you guys a real deal on these. So who gets this bill for 100 of my mostest best blessingest candles for a below-ebay price of only $150 each? Umm .. that would be a total of $200__ .... no wait, that's $3,000 ... no, no, just a minute ... 100 times $150 i-i-i-i-s-s-s ... uhm sumthin like $100,000 or ... no ... it's ... DANG-IT! Jodi! What the heck did you say the bill would be for the candles?
I'll marry anyone with money or a camera!

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-16-06, 07:17 PM (EST)

155. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

LAST EDITED ON 07-16-06 AT 07:19 PM (EST)
Oh, my mirror-bearer will be Cassie, and my maid of honor will be the camera, and my best man will be Mr. Murray.

Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.
I miss Buddha.

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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-16-06, 07:57 PM (EST)

156. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

I don't know where he went Priestess "I" but I'm marry'n that Danny Partidge guy - the freckled-faced-freak. Just include his name whether he shows up or not. Jodi can sign his signature, she's been doing it for weeks already. I don't care if the barbarian IS already married or not. You know the Universe personally ... just change the rules for ME! Afterall, you guys did it while I was in the house - you can do it now. That crazed red-head has such a devilish way of get'n them cameras on him & I want a part of that action. And if we're married in the eyes of the VooDoo Cult, he will HAVE to get me on television every time he's on or I'll burn his little behind but good. I have enough of those ~~ugly cheap~~ blessing candles piled up to keep him in line for years! And since those VooDoo dolls you gave us don't actually destruct - being blessed by the magic of your powers & all - I can sit him right on that flame, if necessisary. And if you remember, I don't mind being cruel to anyone -- not one bit.
See, I AM standing in the truth of who I am. I admited it in that article I wrote & I'll admit it again here: I enjoy being abrasive and mean. I can abuse you with my words and tear a hole through your soul, and I like that power. Inside, I am a sad, lonely, angry, fat girl who is miserable, rejected, ugly, disgusting, & unloved. But since you taught me some great words and things to say, I can smile, tell you I love you, and SAY I am compassionate THEN say mean things. That makes it all OK. See how well I've learned? All from you & Rhonda. And now I never have to feel bad for being addicted to attention, for saying how beautiful I am, and for being too lazy to get a job because I'm just telling the truth.
So let's get this wedding thing over with so I can get back home & watch all the reality shows to pick my next one. I got my soda, chips, candy, snacks, & Mexican food wait'n right next to couch so I never have to move from my favorite spot until it's time to ~~fake~~ make my way onto another ~~stupid~~ show!

I am Christie ... I can say whatever I want because I first say I am compassionate.

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 00:24 AM (EST)

162. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

*Large grand piano comes rolling into the picture with a resurrected Liberace singing and playing the Wedding March*
Here comess the bride, big fat and wide!
Here comess the groom asss thin asss a broom!

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-17-06, 01:38 AM (EST)

163. "Haaaaay, Liberace!"

Honey, while I really appreciate you using that pic of me marrying myself (it actually made me feel beautiful, and for that, I thank you!), I'm not the one marrying myself; that would be Rhonda. I and my little furry-love are eloping, to the great state of Wyoming. Or Montana, we haven't decided. So, Iyanla, you won't have to worry about us; we are leaving. It's been real! HA! We're leaving now, and while I will miss a few of you ~~a$$clowns~~ girls, there are some that I will be better off without. Come along, Mr. Twinkles- we've got a plane to catch!

Just gonna grab some sno-balls on the way out....

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 02:46 AM (EST)

166. "RE: Haaaaay, Liberace!"

Like I ssaid before - Here comess the bride, big fat and wide.

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 12:03 PM (EST)

174. "Wanna Be a Lumber Jill"

*pulls up in a big, red, new truck* *sign on side reads: ALL LUMBERJILLS, NO JACKS*
*gets out of truck and walks up the driveway*
I was driving by and saw all the comotion.
Let me introduce myself. I'm Tina from Survivor 12, Exhile Island. I run a LumberJill Show out east.
*gets down on one knee*
Jodi, will you join my show? You are the perfect lumberwoman for my new act. You & Mr. Twinkles will make the perfect addition. All expenses will be paid by each show's organizer.
We have so much in common. I was also on a reality show. I was the first one voted off. They knew if they didn't get me out early, I'd have won the whole thing. The stories we can share. I can't wait to tell you about the one who was afraid of leaves. She would have done good in this house. Anyway....
Will you do me the honor of being in my show?
*holds out a golden AX*

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-17-06, 01:03 PM (EST)

179. "RE: Wanna Be a Lumber Jill"

Hmmm, you make an intriguing offer. And, I really like gold....so, yes! I will be a Lumber Jill! Can I get a car out of the deal? Nothing spectacular- just a simple little H3. Y'know, for hauling around the trees. Let's go, Twinkles!

Just a few more snacks, you know, for the road....

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JavaT 189 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
07-17-06, 02:16 PM (EST)

183. "RE: Wanna Be a Lumber Jill"

I'm with you...can I have another sunflower seed, schweetie?
I think I'll like being a LumberJill's husband, as long as I don't have to bite any logs with my front teef. Promise, Jodi?
Oh, by the way... I know you said not to show anybody our secret pictures, but I have to share just this one. It was taken right before... well, you know happened next! Tee hee hee! I was packing our things for our Big Move and this picture just fell right out.

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 04:01 AM (EST)

167. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

And a couple more happy couplesss.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-17-06, 09:28 AM (EST)

171. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

"WTF? WTF! WTF!!! As fine as that boy is I'm not (bleepin') marryin' ANYBODY! Are you freakin' KIDDIN' me??? I'll do dinner with that man...maybe even the weekend *wink* but (beepity bleep) I'm no bride, I'm the freakin' maid of honoh! Can'tcha tell by this ugly a$$ dress heyah?"

Don't scare me like that!

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-17-06, 09:42 AM (EST)

172. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

"What about ME? (whine) I'M a bride, I'm a bride..."
<Lisa is standing at the altar drooling, repeating, "I'm a bride dammit" over and over, holding on tight to the cardboard likeness of Internet Man. She insists on marrying "him" and the wedding party has agreed in fear of her insane mood swings and violent outbursts when she doesn't get her way. They have all agreed that a drooling whiner is better than a psycho b!tch>

He'll be here, he'll be here, he'll be here...

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 02:14 PM (EST)

182. "Stop the Weddings !"

*Farrah Gray rides up the driveway on an Andalusian horse, the horse of Kings*
Stop the Weddings. Antonia! Antonia! I must speak with you.
*Jumps off horse*
I apologize for the publicity shots I had made up for us. They were leaked out before I had a chance to talk to you.
*looks at Antonia’s gold dress with bow in the back* *smiles* You found how to give back to your fellow housemates.
I have helped several houseguest here. *nods to Lisa* But the first time I saw you, I knew you were something different. You have the spark that is in me. We could work very well together.
I have never had a girlfriend. Many women want me, but none have fit together with me like you.
*gets down on one knee* Antonia, you grown a$$ woman, Will you be my wife?
*holds out a 5 carat blue diamond ring*
Before you give me your answer, I want you to know I have arranged to have to flown to New York. You will meet with Vera Wang who wants to make your wedding dress.
You will also meet with Wolf Gang Puck, for ideas on the wedding cake. No Twinkies for you my sweet.
You pick the date, location, and guest, and the rest will be done for you.
*looks into Antonia’s eyes* What do you say?
Will you give me the honor of becoming my wife?

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-17-06, 02:41 PM (EST)

185. "RE: Stop the Weddings !"

"ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDIN' ME?"
<Looks down at huge rock and back up at Farrah. Looks down at rock, eyes glaze over...tugs at cheap dress and adjusts bow in back. Stares at diamond. Looks into his eyes. Takes a quick peek at his very fine backside...>
"Diamonds? Vera? Wolfgang? New York?"
<Suddenly drops accent altogether>
"Yes my dearest man. You have made all my dreams come true. I would love to be your wife!"
<Holds out her hand and blushes shyly>

I think I'm in LOVE!

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 06:58 PM (EST)

190. "RE: Stop the Weddings !"

*Farrah takes the ring out of the box* *slips the ring on Antonia's finger*
It's Lem-mos and Lob-ster from now on Love.
*kisses Antonia's hand then releases it*
*Stands up* *straightens suit* *turns to Miss Iyanla*
You may continue.

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-17-06, 10:28 AM (EST)

173. "Don't forget me!!!!"

*still carrying man up aisle in headlock*
Ah'm still gettin' hitched, ya know! And ah know his name now. His name is Ken Townsend. So, Iyanla, now ya know what name to put in those vows. Ah, De-BOR-ah Townsend, has a nice ring to it...
*begins to sing*
Oh, promise me that someday you and I.....

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catmama 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
07-17-06, 12:49 PM (EST)

178. "RE: Don't forget me!!!!"

DE-BOR-AH! You let him go! I would try to wrangle him away, but you are covered in cotton candy, and I am allergic to ants. Maybe you should think about joinin' a convent- my daddy tried to send me to one, but I didn't look good in the habit. Now, you let him go, or I'll, I'll.....I'll get Jill to run over you with her scooter! No, shoot, I think she's still in the hospital....um, I'll get Lisa to vomit on you! Yeah, or I'll get Jodi's hamster to pee all over you! Mess with the bull, Deb, and you get the horns! LET HIM GO, YOU CANDY-COATED FREAK! AHHHHH! *Lunges for Deb.*

Aw, man! Now I've got that mess on me! You are gonna pay, you celibate faker! You are gonna pay!

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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
07-17-06, 02:53 PM (EST)

186. "RE: Don't forget me!!!!"

Dearly Beloved and oh so desperately Desperate Attention Whores:
We are crowded here today to join these 5 couples in media wedlock. We agree to include one woman and her cutout, one woman and herself, one woman and her hamster, one woman and her hope, and Antonia, don't you be no fool, girlfriend - grab that man --- he's fine, he's an attorney, AND he has platinum cards in his pocket, baby! So, you go through the motions today - you don't wanna be married tomorrow? So you rip up the license...no biggie. Oh, DeBORah, you can sing when I'm all done officiating. I'm glad you found a man to replace your deeee-ud husband, Cardinale, because your 20 year old daughter does needs a daddy, uh-huh. Now get your foot off of his neck so he can repeat his vows....
By the way, you ladies look so beautiful. How you got all your fat into those gowns is impressive!
So marriage is a wonderful thing...blah, blah, blah....the more you do it, the better you get at it....blah, blah, blah.....be authentic and live in the moment.....blah, blah, blah......ding dong your doorbell is ringing.....I'm a crazy b!tch from Brooklyn.....blah, blah, blah.....In the Yoruban tradition, we say, love is like a big flower, cause it smells nice - I'm big on smellin'....oh, gentlemen, some advice for you -- remember to always put the seat down - more marriages have been destroyed by women falling in the cold water when the lights are out in the middle of the night than I care to recall....and ladies, please, don't think your man wants to spend his free time watching your old episodes of Starting Over. Actually, it would be best for your marriages, and the rest of the world, if you would put Startin' Over behind you.
Now - Dr. Vant To Look Jung, Lanre, Maury, Ken, David, Farrah, Mr. Twinkles, Rhonda, and by proxy, Danny and theInternet Man cut-out: do you promise to take these women and love them, honor them, indulge them, listen to them, support them, feed them, house them, clothe them, drive them around, make them feel like stars, and spend every free moment with them and them alone? Will you willingly go to Yoga classes, wellness seminars, marriage workshops, and engage in every other "movement of the moment" that they latch onto?
And ladies -- Do you, Bridey, Niambi, Star, DeBORah, Maureen, Antonia, Jodi, Rhonda, Christie, and Lisa -- I cannot believe you all snagged someone -- do you promise to love these men until you don't feel like it anymore? Do you promise to spend their money on surgical nips and tucks that will make you feel better and more whole as women of the millenium? Will you continue to buy my books, tapes, and DVD's, as a gesture of good faith in the continued health of your wholeness? Will you promise not to become house-fraus, women in chains, bound to the monotony of domesticity and it's never ending......wait a minute...what the hell am I reading here? Oh, my - this is my "Life Coach graduation ceremony". (Shuffles through some pages) Aha, here we go...sorry 'bout that...I said I busy. Do you women really want to be married to these men? Will you live as women of honor? Will you admit that it is your fault if they cheat on you? Will you hold yourself responsible for all of their faults? If so, then you are ready to say "I do".
Everyone together now {Everyone says in unison: "I DO!}
Then by the power vested in me by the authority of the Yoruban tradition, Bumin-Murray Productions, and every god and goddess under the stars, I now pronounce you all, respective husbands and wives! Mazel Tov (that was for you, Jodi!) Let the party begin!
Here comes Connie Chung....I'm history folks! Send my wedding fee to my agent at The Wm. Morris Agency -- yeah, I'm with them now.
What a long, strange trip it's been, uh-huh! In another lifetime, my children, in another lifetime...Tata!

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 01:38 PM (EST)

180. "RE: Don't forget me!!!!"

The firm has a strong commitment to bringing cost-effective solutions to client matters, from the most straight-forward to the most complex.
And if that means marrying you, Deborah (lacks the accent on "bor") then I say let's do it!

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-17-06, 02:10 PM (EST)

181. "RE: Don't forget me!!!!"

All right, ah am gettin' me a LIVE husband! Now, my name is De-BOR-ah, not Deborah...but if that is too hard for you, you can just call me your little cotton candy! *smooch*

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-17-06, 02:23 PM (EST)

184. "RE: Don't forget me!!!!"

I would also like to put my offer on the table.
Debi, I would love to have you on out team of LumberJills. You would make a great man-wrangler. The last clown left to live in the desert.
Jodi & I are leaving after the weddings. Let me know.

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-17-06, 03:03 PM (EST)

187. "Goodbye Lisa! Don't let the door hit you in the..."

<Lisa has collapsed on the floor in her spit/vomit soaked wedding/prom dress. Alas, Mr. Internet never showed. Lisa is in the fetal position sucking her thumb and clutched in her other hand is a note. "I told you once and for all to stop calling and e-mailing me. Just leave me alone!">
The men in the white coats have come and gently help her into the waiting van for transport to the "facility".
"Bye! (Lisa gives half hearted wave) Goodbye my Starting Over Sisters. I am going to go to a very special place to Start Over. Maybe Mr. Internet will meet me there..."

Daddy??? Is that you?

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-17-06, 03:45 PM (EST)

188. "RE: Don't forget me!!!!"

Well, uh, thanks for the offer, but you don't need no pregnant lady out there. And ah don't want to work. That's why ah am marryin' a lawyer. Would you lahk for me to send you mah daughter? Ah think she would be a good lumberjill.

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mbinkc 32 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
07-18-06, 08:32 PM (EST)

191. "My lastest poem..."

OK, I be in a real hurry, an someone stoled my dicshunary, so dis ain't gonna have no rhyme. Get over it whydontcha?
S be fo all da STUPID things you ladies say
T be fo all da TONS o weight in da house
A be fo all yo A$$ES oh so big
R be for RHONDA, she so pritty
T be fo TJ, she so pritty
I be fo e 'cept after c
N be fo all da NAUGHTY things you all done
G be fo da GIN dat made da Kim drunk
O be wan kanobe
V be fo the VIRGINS dat you ain't
E be fo Marsha ELLIS Birmingham
R be fo RHONDA again (she paid me to say dat)
Put dem all together dey spell, well, jus look at it an figgure it out!!
Only 168 mo days, den I be done wit da pickin' up da trash along da highway. Den I be outta here fo sho!
Always be jealous of me, cuz I be Poetri!

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-19-06, 00:07 AM (EST)

192. "RE: My lastest poem..."

Where were you at the wedding reception? We had to listen to Connie AND Cassie!
<MY EARS! MY EARS!!!>

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
07-19-06, 00:52 AM (EST)

193. "This ceremony was a SHAM!"

You HEATHENS!
*begins exorcism ritual by liturgical ~~DAWing~~ dancing*
God, I pray that you would undo the eeeeevil that was done at this ritual and smite that snakecharmer priestess or whatever she is. Cleanse this place of all wrongdoing and get it ready for my made-for-primetime wedding. Oh, and find me, Rachel, and Rebecca some ~~spineless downtrodden~~ Christian men while you're at it.
In ~~Bruckheimer's~~ ~~Murray's~~ Jesus' name. Amen.

We were robbed, and everyone knows it. Everyone loves us.
(Who am I? Check deep in this forum).

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GuyStartingOver 79 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"
07-25-06, 01:33 AM (EST)

194. "RE: This ceremony was a SHAM!"

WHAT in the #*!@ just happened here???
SHEESH. A guy takes a few weeks off to ~~do every woman on or near the French riviera~~ clear his mind, and look what happens. All the ~~lard-a$$, self-centered, twinkie-gobbling~~ most beautiful and eligible women in the US go and get ~~laid~~ married when I wasn't ~~having cybersex~~ looking. And my poor, poor ~~psycho-beotch~~ flower of a ~~Daddy's leach~~ woman lies in a puddle of her own ~~puke~~ tears, having taken vows with... WHAT??? CARDBOARD??? Oh, good lord. I knew she wanted to marry her ~~vibrator once~~ mind's image of a perfect man (that would be ME), but she didn't have to take it quite so literally. And who's the chick re-enacting the felching incident with a rodent?? I could have lived the rest of my life without having ever needed to see that. It WAS kinda kinky, though. (Where's my web cam?)
Oh man. That ~~washed up lame-a$$ excuse for a celebrity~~ guy Danny has the right idea, I think. If :::hoccchh-patooie::: Lisa could not wait for me, then I think I must kill myself. Oh, wait. I meant, I would rather kill myself than marry that barf-breath broad. No, wait. I'm rich enough, I'll just have someone kill themselves for me. The check has done cleared, and there ain't nothin' that nobody can do 'bout that. MWAA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!!! OH for cryin' out loud, Antonia, git your hands off'n me, that wasn't an invitation for you. I've already made a play for all the ~~DAW sleezebags~~ most beautiful women in the house, and look what I get. XXXtina goes and gives me the crabs, Rhonda gives me the cold shoulder, TJ gives me blue coconuts, and Christie... um, right-t-t... all you independent women ~~throw yo' hands up at me~~ don't seem to realize how unattractive strong women are to ~~predators~~ fine gentlemen :::cough:::gag::: like myself.
So this is it, huh? This is where the story ends? This is where Starting Over wasn't able to Start Over? What legacy are we handing to all the other ~~whiny-butt greed-mongers~~ people in need of a ~~few ill-gotten dollars~~ fresh start? Maybe B/M needs to take a BM. There's more to daytime television life than ratings when people's lives are being ~~royally screwed up~~ improved by ego maniacs and Yorbish priestessessessess. Did I just give the networks more of a reason, or less?
So with a brilliant flourish, silken smile, and sticky keyboard, Mr. Internet Man turns and exits through the door from which he entered... {Oh, hello! What did you say your name is? Sommer?? I'm SO-O-O happy to meet you. Actually, no, that ISN'T a roll of 50-cent pieces in my pocket. No, really...}

Yes, ~~Virgin~~ Virginia, there really IS a Mr. Internet Man...

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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-26-06, 05:09 PM (EST)

195. "RE: This ceremony was a SHAM!"

*stumbles into Mr. Internet*
Hiiii!!! Well, aren't you just the little Johnny-come-lately - if ya know what I mean? *elbows Mr. Internet in the ribs*
*hic*
Wha- oh, OH, noooooo..... that's not a wedding band... it's a - uhhh... a - uhh... oh, it's a family heirloom - yeah, that's what it is.

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GuyStartingOver 79 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"
07-26-06, 09:19 PM (EST)

196. "RE: This ceremony was a SHAM!"

:::looking around nervously:::
J-J-J-Johnny?? How'd you kn... I mean, I-I-I'm not Johnny ... I-I-I'm, um, Johnny's COUSIN ... Jeremy ... yeah, that's it, Jeremy... Shhhh... Come over here a minute... :::pulls Kim into the shadows:::
Ummm, don't you think you're a little too drunk to, um, drive? or walk? or, um, wear those clothes? Here, lemme show you a little trick that I know. It's called "make your 'heirloom' seem like it isn't even there".

As long as we're at it, I have another magic trick to show you...

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-27-06, 02:51 AM (EST)

199. "Hey Mr. Internet!"

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...
...like a coma.

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GuyStartingOver 79 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"
07-31-06, 02:05 AM (EST)

202. "RE: Hey Mr. Internet!"

>Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...
>
>...like a coma.
>

Who the heck is that man over there who's hatin' on me??
Dear Lord, please let him just stay over there. I can smell his onion and anchovy breath all the way over here. It's enough to make ya vomit.

Speaking of Lisa...

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
07-27-06, 12:20 PM (EST)

201. "Mr. Internet???"

<Lisa is sitting in the corner of her room at the "hospital" rocking back and forth clutching her laptop. She is heavily sedated after her last outburst when she bit a nurse and called her a b!tch for trying to take her computer away. She alternately sits and drools or frantically types e-mails to Mr. Internet>
"Just let me check one more time. I know he will answer my last message...I KNOW HE WILL!!! I sent naked pictures this time..."
*snarls and snaps at nurse*
<She flips open her laptop and hits "send" for the 1,376th time. Crickets chirp as she waits for a message to arrive in her inbox...>

Just like Lisa's hope for Mr.I, this thread will never die...

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Sahara 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
07-26-06, 09:26 PM (EST)

197. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Location: Honolulu Hilton Honeymoon Suite
De-BOR-ah lies sprawled across bed, naked, sweaty, and munching on cotton candy
Hey, Kenny, baby! Ah'm waaaaaiiiiitttting! PLEASE come out of the bathroom, baby!
sniveling cries heard from bathroom
Don't you worry, hon, ah'm not really pregnant, cuz you see, ah have been cel-uh-bate for seven years, evah since ah lost mah old day-ud husband.
Come on, ah have plenty of cotton candy...

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snowflake2 1499 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson"
07-26-06, 10:25 PM (EST)

198. "RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Finale Week"

Uhhhhh, HI EVERYONE!! Just wanted to drop in and tell you all that I’m sorry I haven’t had time to uhhhh, you know, hang with all you C-list suckers! Uhhhh, don’t hate on me, but uhhhh, you know, now that I’ve emerged as THE STAR of Starting Over, big things are happening for me!
Yeah, my career has really taken off since I got uhhhh, you know, a cyber-manager, Lucky Linda Slots! Uhhhh, yeah, she is on the job, and I’m gonna turn into Oprah anyday now. She is encouraging me to contine to uhhh, you know, DREAM BIG. For instance, this whole “Cocktails with Jill” thing…it’s not only gonna be uhhh, you know, just an internet thing. We’ll be taking it on the road in 2007! Yeah, just like my internet chats where you have to pay $5 to hear all the uhhhhhh, you know, entertaining, educational, and enlightening things I have to say! Except we’re gonna charge people $10 because of you know, all the expenses involved in the travel.
Recently, Linda and I took our road show on a dry run through Oklahoma. Now, don’t get me wrong, for the love of Christmas, I still love my scooter, but Linda says I needed something a little fancier for public appearances. So, uhhhhhh, you know, let me proudly unveil the prototype of my latest ride. <<<in her best radio announcer voice>>> Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Jeeeeee-yulll Tracey’s CUPCAKEMOBILE!!! Here I am waving to all my fans in Oklahoma!

We still have some things to work out. Like maybe you won’t actually see me. Maybe it will be a giant cardboard cutout of picture of me. That’s because I don’t know if you all are ready to view my shocking weight loss. Yeah, I only weigh 42 lbs now! If you don’t believe me, Lucky Linda is photoshopping, uhhhhhhhhhhhh, I mean developing some recent photos of me right now. You’ll still be able to ask me questions, though. It’ll work like this: You will ask your question through Lucky Linda Slots. She will run to the Cupcakemobile and tape record my reply, and then, uhhhhhhh, you know, run back out and play it for you.
But that’s not all…we are planning to do this tour up Vegas-style, so we’re planning to have a wheel of prizes.

For $35 a spin, you could win:
---a Pupstar doggie cape <<TO SELF: Daaaay-um, I can’t get rid of these things!>>
---a “Conflama” BBQ apron
---an autographed photo of me
---a basket of soaps and bath salts from the dollar store
---a “Jill Tracey VIP member” card, good for 10% off at any Hostess outlet store **good only on soon-to-expire items**
And many other exciting prizes of lesser value.

So uhhhh, remember, look for “Cocktails with Jill” coming to YOUR town in 2007!
Also, please keep checking my website for updates! I will soon be selling my old hair extensions on eBay!
And don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter so we can sell your e-mail addresses to spammers, uuuuuuuuuh, I mean, KEEP YOU UP TO DATE on my exciting life!!

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
07-27-06, 02:52 AM (EST)

200. "Hey Jill!"

I found a new designer drug for you:
BUYAGRA- An injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping, increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
I picked up a bottle for you. Enjoy!

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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
08-04-06, 05:22 PM (EST)

203. "Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread"

*tap, tap"
*knock, knock, knock*
*DING DONG! DING DONG!!*
<The houseguests all rush to the front door to see who is there.
They all begin shouting in unison...>
"OMG!!! For the love of Christmas! Are you freakin' kiddin' me!!! Holy sh!t! Gosh oh golly! LOOK!!! I can't believe it! (Cassie starts to cry) (Someone else cheers) (Another faints)
IT'S........."

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
09-13-06, 01:46 PM (EST)

204. "....OVER"

Now that we have all those houseguest voices out of our heads, we can Start Over. See you all around the boards.

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