In case you were wondering, this is my first ever summary. Just wanted to say that I am happy to be here. Hope that I can make it worth your while. And if you find that it isn’t worth your while, you can bite me.
Mustard isn’t just a condiment, y’know!Official RTVW Summary
Season Seven - ALL STARS
Episode 22 - 8/27/06
Chilltown Feels Some Heat
Previously on BB All-Stars - James was sent packing because he ran out of diapers and everybody was tired of his crap. He claimed that Janelle spit on him on the way out. After re-watching the video it was obviously Roger McDowell, who had been hiding behind the bushes. Also, Erica won HoH.
In a moment of shockingly realistic sincerity, Boogie told James that he was a real class act. It seems that this has become Mike’s signature phrase as houseguests leave the “house”. Wonder if Mike will say that when Erika
gets the shaft is kicked out. Doubt it. Even Boogie wouldn’t be able to call her classy after the total skank-job she did on him just to stick around a few weeks longer.
After James goes, CG goes to the DR where he compliments James and says that deep down the guy is a good person. Sorry, Georgie, but any good qualities James may have had were totally eliminated when he tucked his testicles between his legs and let Janelle beat him to a doll and then followed that up with a bitch-fest not seen since…well, since Marcellus left, anyway.
Erika has a DR moment where she says that she voted against James because they have to get the good players out. Someone should remind her that Howie and Marcie were the two previous evictees and that Will and Jani/Dani are still in the house. And then explain to her the general qualities found in a “good player”.
LOJ Alert! We‘re about to pick on Janelle, so you may want to skip to the next paragraph. Janelle says that she didn’t have a problem voting out James because he has done “so many shady things”. Really? Name two. Switching alliances without telling you could be one. What’s the other, Janelle?
Still lounging in the eviction room, Will tells everyone that he is an evil genius and that they should take him to the final two because the jury will remember the “evil” part. Of course, he will try to convince them of the “genius” part. It’s a sketchy plan, but that’s what he’s stuck with at this point.
Danielle confronts Boogie in the weight room. She says that she doesn’t blame CT for eliminating James. Boogie starts the slow, painful process of cutting off the umbilical cord that has kept him attached to Will so far. He claims that this is part of a “good cop, bad cop” routine. Anyone want to imagine what Boogie or Will would be like as a cop in real life? Boogie would definitely tear up your ticket if you give him an “Erika” in the backseat of his squad car. Will would get you to write up your own damned ticket and then have you pay it twice.
Danielle tells Mike that she’s not happy. She also asks why Janelle would have voted for James. Boogie is totally incapable of thinking on his feet, so he says he doesn’t know. After he leaves, Danielle does a classic soap opera head twist to the second camera and says, “Will’s ass is mine.” For a few moments, it feels like Susan Lucci is about to walk in the door.
There’s a flashback to the second time that Erica wins the HoH. For some reason, BB decides not to redo the challenge so that Janelle can win. LOJ alert! Janelle was bashed in the previous sentence. You may want to wipe your eyes and pretend you didn’t see that. Erika asks in the DR who would have thought that she would be in the final five. Nobody even remembered you were on this stupid show until you shacked up with Boogie. Nobody is going to remember you made the final five. Everybody is going to remember that you’re a whore.
Will takes Janelle aside and tells her that Boogie is going to work on Erika to have her nominate Danielle and CG. The Doctor has slipped a few notches if he really believes that could happen. Janelle says in the DR that Danielle wants her out of the house “because she wins everything”. LOJ alert! Janie is making this too easy. If she wins everything, then she would be HoH right now. But she’s not. Therefore, she doesn’t win everything. Therefore, she is full of shit. Furthermore, if she thinks for one moment that CT isn’t going to win POV this time around to keep Will from being backdoored by anyone, then she really is dumb.
Boogie says that their strategy is to keep Janie safe and possibly backdoor Danielle. Will tells Janie that she should become BFF with Erika. Janelle says that she “has a problem being fake with people”. Then how do you explain the implants? Or the color of your hair? Or the flirting? You’re nothing but fake. Once again, we see that Janelle is full of shit.
Then the HG play poker. Janelle cleans up. Then she brags about it at the table. There is one cardinal rule if you play poker - do not brag at the table while you’re winning. Just ask Kenny Rogers. There is no quicker way to get people to hate you than if you take their chips and laugh in their face while doing it. Once again, Janelle shows poor sportsmanship. Danielle would never do that. Never.
The next day, we get to see Erika’s HoH room: Bunch of flowers. A picture of the Season 4 cast. Homemade cookies which George drools over. When Danielle and Erika are left alone, Dani starts working on Erika. “Why did Janelle vote for James?” Erika doesn’t get it at first, but she slowly realizes that Will must have gotten to Janelle which means that Erika can’t trust Will.
We are then treated to five minutes of George doing cannonballs. Maybe he should try for “America’s Got Talent” next season. Just imagine - Chicken George and David Hasselhof on the same show together. Throw in Donald Trump as the host and I will shoot my television, guaranteed.
Danielle asks to talk to Will. This conversation is best summed up when Will goes to the DR and says, “Danielle is a consummate professional. Although she was smiling, she was saying ‘I am going to kick your butt in this game’.” Danielle and Will play a very similar game. Will just gets more points because he is more entertaining. But they play almost the same game. It will be good to see these two at war.
Afterwards, we see Will and Janelle in the pool. This conversation is best summed up when he says, “On a scale of one to two, I would give her a solid one.” I’ll just bet he would.
Erika and Boogie play in the HoH room. Erika tells Boogie that she’s going to put up Janelle and Will. Mike wets himself profusely. “What about putting up Danielle?” he asks. Not a chance. Boogie says that he is not ready to send Will to the jury yet. That would require a backbone and he doesn’t have one. Just ask Howie.
Food Challenge! Will and Boogie have to dress up like bees, Janelle and Danielle dress up like birds, George and Erika dress up like flowers. Lord help us all - George is in spandex. Form-fitting spandex. It’s good on thin women with fake oobies. It’s not so good on middle-aged men with slight bellies. Too bad they didn’t do this weeks ago when George still had a dickie-do. “What’s a dickie-do,” you ask? It’s when the man’s stomach sticks out further than his dickie do. I really didn’t care to know whether or not George had been circumcised. Excuse me while I scrub my eyes.
Okay, the challenge is to have the bees and birds soak up liquid from a vat with their outfits and then have the flowers squeeze the liquid out of their costumes into a vat underneath them which drains into a revolving circle of bowls that will earn them food prizes when they are filled.
Erika squeezes liquid off of Janelle and Danielle like she’s patting down dough in a baking pan. With the right music and slow moving video, the women really do look like they’re shooting a “Girls Gone Wild” video. Nothing is more interesting then watching girls get wet and rubbing each other down.
Well, nothing except watching Chicken George banging away on Will and Mike prison-style.
The image of Chicken George pounding his pelvis into the submissive form of Dr. Will is not one that will leave my mind soon. You know, you could try to rationalize what happened by saying, “Oh, he was just laying on top of them to get all of the liquid out of their costumes so that they could fill up the bowls quicker and win more food rewards.”
But I watched the scene several times and George was really pumping his hips. Let me tell you - I’ve seen gay porn before. This was damned close to the real deal. And what’s scarier is that Will and Mike kept going back. I guess it’s true what they say, “Once you have Georgie, it’s just like an orgy.” There are supposed to be PG-13 rules around here, but I showed this to a 13-year-old and he told me that watching George’s ass convulsing with the genuine back-dooring of ChillTown on the TV was far more damaging than what you see here. Then Janelle went under George! He was a beast, I’m telling you.
So what did they end up winning after such an effort? Meat & fish, a trampoline, Christmas in August, a 1-week slop pass for George, a five star dinner and booze. No fruits, vegetables, desserts or cereals.
Later, Will and Mike talked strategy while playing pool. Will told Boogie that he absolutely had to keep Erika from nominating Will. Mike confessed that Erika was considering using Will as a “pawn”. It’s a little late in the game for anyone – especially a player like Will – to be a pawn. Will begs Mike to work on Erica overnight to get her to change her
position way of thinking. The Doctor does not like that his fate may be determined by Boogie’s sexual prowess.
Speaking of sexual prowess, Will spends several minutes wooing all of us through one of the cameras set up in the yard. How many of you giggled like a little school girl when he turned on the charm? Be honest….
Will talks to Erika himself in the HoH about putting up Danielle. Erika actually looks like she might consider it. But Erika is not Janelle. You see, Janelle falls for almost anything that almost anybody tells her. She was still thinking that James was on her side as late as last week when he was so obviously screwing the other Season 6 people. Let’s see if Erika can think for herself.
The next morning, Erika says she could barely sleep during the night because Boogie kept farting on her. After the usual “this was such a hard choice” nonsense, she nominates Janelle and Chicken George. She’s obviously just trying to get rid of the other players who have been intimate with Boogie. She tells Janie that she’s too strong of a player to keep around and she tells George that she just likes to watch his face when he doesn’t get evicted every week.
So, Erika doesn’t do what CT wanted – in fact, Danielle was the first person Erika made safe from eviction – but she did put up Janelle instead of Will. Tune in Tuesday when we find out whether or not Janelle can live up to her boast of “always winning”. And we’ll see if Woogie will risk having Will backdoored so that they can help Janie win the POV.