Since we're expecting several new arrivals this year who are only watching because reality's most perfect creation, the Hantz --
-- is participating, we at RTVW realize our most recent fans will need some information on all the terms thrown around during the show. As such, we are pleased to present the Big Brother Glossary v14.1. (End user fee: $15.29)
HoH: a position which allows the bearer to be evicted the following week.
Twist: any event having zero impact on the game.
Chenbot: an artificial life form designed for the express purpose of not hosting reality shows. Incapable of identifying location, game, contest results, votes, or its own mirror image. Highly radioactive.
Veto: the power to remove your closest ally from the house.
Dissenting vote: the act of branding yourself as an instant and permanent traitor.
Slop: failed California toxic waste reclamation project.
Lawon: (verb) to receive a Darwin Award at your own request.
Diary Room: a place for giving the producers words they can chop up and air out of order later to your detriment.
Big Brother House: see above.
Hamsters: the species playing the game.
Rats: the species running the game.
Ants: the predestined winners of every game.
Script: the controlling force in the game.
Self-torture: the reason for watching the game.
Target Isolation Booths Of Doom (now $6.49): world's most exciting competition prop, used at least fifty times per summer.
Budget Blowout: what happens in the first challenge every summer, leading to the entry above.
Nomination Ceremony: to waste ten minutes of your time.
Veto Ceremony: to waste ten minutes of everyone else's time.
Live Feeds: what happens.
Broadcast show: the most boring aspects of what happened, things that never happened, things the producers wish had happened, and anything which will protect a favored contestant's true personality from emerging. Bears no relation to Live Feeds.
Casting: to examine people while they're in swimwear.
Vetting Contestants: nonsense term, definition unknown.
Alliance: the people you lie to regularly.
Opposing alliance: the people you svck up to regularly.
Mandatory Minority Limit: two.
Eviction: to be removed from the house for a duration ranging from six years to twelve seconds. Cannot be made permanent.
Coup D'etat: to render an entire week completely pointless.
Maggie: (verb) to place a latex human mask over a monster's face and hope no one notices.
Bar: primary place to locate contestants before they play.
Jail: primary place to locate contestants after they play.
Strategy: does not exist.
Rulebook: see: pile of ashes in corner.
Grodner: (verb) to take a giant dump on the floor, then ask people to consume your innovative centerpiece.
Abusive Relationship: what you are now in.
Hantz: person consuming innovative centerpiece.