|
|
|
|
PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
encouraged to read the
complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
|
|
|
"The one-week twist. "
Estee 55193 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
|
07-16-10, 06:36 AM (EST)
 
  |
|
"The one-week twist. " |
Once upon a time, there was a Stupid Show which wanted people to watch it. Very badly. And it desired to reach its goal with as little effort as possible. 'Casting interesting people is just so hard!' the little Stupid Show said. 'Let's go for Giant Jerks! People like to watch Giant Jerks with no sense of reality, don't they?' And so the Stupid Show went out and found the biggest Giant Kerks it could, which usually meant traveling all of five feet.And yet some people did not watch the Stupid Show. In fact, some of them turned away from it, declaring that Giant Jerks just weren't their type. But the Stupid Show was far too conceited to pay attention to their words, and all it saw was the turned backs. So it traveled ten feet to find even larger Giant Jerks -- but all that did was create more turned backs. The Stupid Show was confused. Now, if the Stupid Show had but elevated itself to the point of listening, even for a single second, all would have been resolved. But the Stupid Show had grown more conceited every year, and truly believed it was on the right path. So it thought and thought and watched what its neighbors were doing, then said 'I know! I'm a Stupid Show, so what I need is a Really Stupid Twist!' And so the show tried Really Stupid Twist after Really Stupid Twist, with every one involving its ever-increasing Giant Jerks. It sent them in with their exes, and no one wanted to watch. It cast them as seven secret pairs, and all the viewers figured it out within a week. (For that one, even the Giant Jerks worked out what was going on.) It cast three sets of enemies to kill each other throughout a summer: two were gone almost immediately, while the third made up long enough to finish first-second: not the goal. Previously-unknown siblings, open pairs who hated each other, having one Giant Jerk controlled from the outside -- no matter what it did, the Stupid Show couldn't make the Really Stupid Twist work. And people kept turning their backs. The Stupid Show thought it was because the Really Stupid Twists weren't stupid enough. (It was reaching the point where realistically, the Jerks couldn't get much more Giant.) And so it thought really hard. It thought about intelligence, and how much it hated people who had it. It considered how much it wanted all smart things to die. And then it reached out to steal not a Twist, but a concept from the body of a dead rival, and turned it as Stupid as was Really possible. Which, as it turned out, was extremely. So one of the Giant Jerks was turned into a full-time Saboteur. They would lurk in the house for five weeks, tormenting the other Jerks in exchange for a payday. (Which was odd, because all of the Giant Jerks cast for this Stupid Show would do it for free.) The Saboteur left behind video 'clues' which contained nothing but lies, because who wants to lure viewers in with a solvable mystery when structuring a plot is just too much work? Creativity too would have required effort, so the few viewers that were left found themselves tapped for suggestions -- of which only the lamest were used, because they were all the Stupid Show could understand. Red herrings were thrown about, false information given out meant to stir dissent, footage was poorly edited and shown out of sequence, food had been shut away, annoyances planted -- -- and the Giant Jerks yawned and went back to rubbing oil on their skin. Because at this point in the career of the Stupid Show, the Giant Jerks were nearly beyond all possible scale. The Saboteur was not trying to have sex with them. Therefore, the Saboteur did not exist. And one week into the Stupid Show's airtime, the Saboteur truly stopped existing. Because the Giant Jerks, without a clue to their names (not that they'd been given a real one), without a thought in their empty heads, nominated her for eviction and took her out on a unanimous vote because she hadn't tried to have sex with them. It took less than a second for them to forget she'd ever existed. The Stupid Show gritted its teeth and made the announcement to the few viewers which remained, wondering why so many of them were turning their backs as it did so. It looked at its Jerks, wondering if they were as Giant as it was possible to be. And then it did the only thing it could -- the thing it had to do if it wished to save itself. It prepared to travel twenty feet. 
There was never magic in the bottle at all.
|
|
Alert |
Edit |
Reply |
Reply With Quote | Top |
| |
kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
|
07-16-10, 07:44 AM (EST)
 |
|
1. "RE: The one-week twist. " |
LAST EDITED ON 07-16-10 AT 08:49 AM (EST)That came up in the style of J.D Salinger. Probably because it had the word "Urinals" in it. I would call that a compliment even so. It actually reminded me of someone else, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It had a sort of biblical feel to it though. And it came to pass that the Cerebrum Bereft Stupid producers began to think in terms of Breasts. Wouldn’t bigger and more artificially formed Breasts be guaranteed to return the viewers to the fold, they postulated to themselves? And wasn’t that Plan A all along, and verily, why had they allowed themselves to stray into the desert? After forty weeks and forty margaritas the Stupid Show producers decided to return to their roots, and so they cast All-Star Bitches with big breasts (male and female), and to keep from being sued by the NAACP the also added one gay person, one cripple, and one person from another non-wasp religion. And verily they said, it was good. Can’t fail-eth. Finally, they observed, what happened to the Cooter card? Why and wither hast it gone? We shall restore it to the burning bush of the Chen-bot. And in a fashion that was typical of cool people, they high fived, low fived, and whoo-hooed in loud voices, and the Gods of the Cerebrum Bereft Stupid producers were pleased. Next day, they said-th unto themselves, now it is righteous. As righteous as righteous can be. So we must changeth it. What twist can make it better? (Go to beginning of thread. The circle of jerks, small and large, and giant, shall remain unbroken).
|
|
Remove |
Alert |
Edit |
Reply |
Reply With Quote | Top |
| |
kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
|
07-16-10, 08:44 AM (EST)
|
|
2. "RE: The one-week twist. " |
It had to rankle the producers that in their prized twist, by pure chance, was ruined. They had to have been confident that no one would figure the gay girl would also be the saboteur. Of course she didn’t out herself so only the viewers were misled by this.And they had to be orgasmic when Hayden became the first HoH. This guy is as smart as a hammer, they had to have been thinking at that point. More so when he and Enzo formed the Brigade. Surely, they thought, Annie is safe, and our plan will be fruitful . BTW, unless Brigade means “Bunch of Tools” in New Jersey, that title makes very little sense.
The Hamsters got rid of the saboteur without having to figure out who s/he was, and with no real drama. Just think of all the promo’s that hit the waste basket. Five weeks worth, potentially. And it that it was Hayden (whose hair does not cover a working brain), Enzo (self nicknamed Meow Meow. Yeah, really.) and the rest of the Brigades (Tool Brigade?) that performed this feat. Who’d a thunk it? You know that that had to cheese off the boss. And all of this actually makes the show more worth watching. The old “Ha Ha” line from the Simpsons echoed in the background.
|
|
Remove |
Alert |
Edit |
Reply |
Reply With Quote | Top |
| |
 |
|
|
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
|
|
Email this topic to a friend
Printer-friendly version of this topic
Bookmark this topic (Registered users only)
