Starting with the most visible target, our new Jen-HoH.
American Inventor: 'I spent four years and eighty thousand dollars working on this pose.'
American Idol: 'Do-re-me-me-me-me-me-me-me...'
Last Comic Standing: 'One time, I had to get something from someone who wasn't as pretty as me, so I pretended to treat them like a real person for five whole minutes. Wasn't that funny?
Oh yeah? Well, you're not laughing because you're ugly.'
The Mole: 'I think this notebook is broken. It isn't automatically recording my thoughts. Everyone else has marks in theirs and mine's blank. I've got to get a replacement -- what is this 'write' you're babbling about?'
Hell's Kitchen: 'Cooking it inside the packaging gives it flavor! Schatar said so!'
America's Got Talent: 'I've been standing here for twenty whole seconds. Where's my million dollars?'
Laguna Beach: 'As the undisputedly most intelligent person here...'
The Apprentice: 'See the product? -- don't touch it! No touchee! Don't you dare even think about buying it! Mine-mine-mine! Get away from it! What's wrong with these people?'
The Bachelorette: 'I don't think I should have to give them anything. Let's turn this around. No more roses, okay? Everyone who wants to go to the next round, please present me with your new cars at this time. Best sound system gets a picture of me to carry in their wallet. Oooh... you left your wallet in the glove compartment!'
Pirate Master: 'I'm disfigured for life! I'm going to sue everyone! I'm ugly! I'm hideous! I look just like the rest of you! Splinter! Splinter!'
Project Runway: 'And to add to my Jenim Jeans and Jenuine Gear, let me introduce my latest creation, the Jenties. They never, ever come off.'
And for the twenty or so of you who'll get it:
Survivor: The Society Islands: 'I want to pet the kitty!'