LAST EDITED ON 09-14-06 AT 01:10 PM (EST)
On CBS' The Early Show, or whatever it's called.
Chenbot: So, Boogie, how does it feel to be 500 large richer?
Boogie: Well, Chenbot, I was obviously the best player this year. Will was good, but I used him to prove that my name should be in the pantheon of great RTV players, like Heidi, Austin, Darrah, Joe Schmo . . . you know, the greats.
Audience (collectively): Who?
Chenbot: What was your strategery, Booger?
Boogie: You mean Boogie, right?
Boogie: I think it was pretty obvious that I was representin' for my 603 Boyz. In C-Town (that's Concord, NH, for you lardasses out there), we're all about "live free or die," ba-bee! I was free as a bird, offering my worm to the Momma bird sittin' right here next to me.
Chenbot: What's that? Huh? Anyone there? Sorry, everyone, my earpiece fell out, I dropped my cue cards, and the teleprompter was obscured by Chicken George's outfit. So, Booger, you bring up a good point. Erika, how does it feel to be used up by a 36-year-old, NKOTB-wanna-be,sweatpants- and headband-wearing, has-been semi-celebrity?
Erika: Well, Julie, I think that anything that I did that I wasn't proud of was because the collagen in my lips started running out around Day 37. I had to start smoking to keep them puffy, which kept Mike happy. What was the question again?
Chenbot: How does it feel to be a ho, slut?
Erika: Honestly, I wouldn't do anything differently. Mike and I will be close outside of the house. We're having a baby, remember? *giggles like schoolgirl*
Chenbot: Don't you find it disturbing that your previous boyfriend picked and ate boogers and that your most recent showmance is nicknamed Booger?
Boogie: That's Boogie, Julie. Representin' for 603!!! *stands up and flashes lame gang sign that is really ASL for "I'm a dumbass."*
Chenbot: My chip memory is running low, so we'll just say "Congratulations" to you both and we look forward to the wedding special.
Boogie: Will, let's take off, man. We's gots some hos waitin' for us on the jet skis.
What is Phil's golf equipment?
Nobody watched and nobody will read this, so I can spin the interview however I want.