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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
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complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"Be The Living Damned Week #4: Next On My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss..."
Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-11-06, 03:08 PM (EST)
 
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"Be The Living Damned Week #4: Next On My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss..." |
LAST EDITED ON 07-15-06 AT 07:07 AM (EST)All I want in life is a complete dinner service. Something with all the silverware properly arranged and an assortment of clean plates, with a special dipping bowl for my fingers, at least three napkins, and did I (censored) mention all the food actually getting served? No? There's a reason for that. It's because I don't (blurred) believe in it any more. I don't believe in the Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas, that Keith's underwear originally came out of the package as that hue, or that any of you people are worth giving a million-dollar restaurant too. I don't think I can trust one of you blighters with a George Foreman Grill unless I beat you to death with it, but let's save that for my dreams, shall we? No, really. You're hopeless. Sit down and have an appetizer with me: I'll prove it to you. Are you enjoying your fondue? Really? Well, let me spray some directly into the gaping hole you call a mouth! My God, people, you've been eating ground-up hot dogs, TV dinners, and catfish eggs! I realize it's all better than what you can personally cook, but... Taste test, now. Yes, just like the first season. Do any of you actually know what a (blurred) kiwi is? I'll give you a hint: not Phil, you Racer wanna-bes. Okay, red team, you suck slightly less. Let's go on a photo shoot for TV guide. Dress up! Drink up! Sara, you clamp up. Now. Forever. Any part of your body that can expel air is closed for business in perpetuity. It's almost enough to make me seek refuge in Virginia's Jump Me, Take Me, Smile For The Cameras perfume. Almost. Can we get through this night? No, of course we can't. But we can see (censored) signs of temporary improvement, and pay careful attention to my wording there. Keith, you can do things! At least, you can do them until you do one a little bit wrong, and then you just fall apart for the rest of the night, you overgrown five year-old with the rubber pants problem. Has anyone ever told you how good you could really be? Has anyone ever wondered how tall you'll be when you finally grow up? And so much for sleeping tonight -- Rachel, what are you doing? Are you sauce-painting overdone lamb? And you thought you'd get away with it? Where do you think you are, the Big Brother bathroom? Sara, stop moving towards her toothbrush immediately. Garrett, what's two equal? Oh. Three. By amazing coincidence, that's also the number of seconds I can bear to live. Shut it down again! Blue team, you actually got all your entrees out and no one's died yet, so you're safe, and maybe we'll explore that wonderful place known as 'dessert' together in about six years. Virginia, you can really work with fish, which makes me wonder some things, but never mind that. Nominate two. Rachel and Maribel. Who's Maribel? Didn't we have one with black straight hair? I can't let this one go until I find out who she is. Rachel, you tried to slip one past me, and now I'm going to (bleeped) take one off you. Get out, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Enjoy your life of square pizzas. Someone put a cork in Sara. We're halfway home. I so want to go home... 
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Snidget 43862 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-11-06, 03:30 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #4: Next On My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss..." |
*writes out another large check to the HK2 casting peeps**schedules Gordon for daily 2 hour sessions*. *cackles* worth the price, yes definitely worth the price. Who knew they could find a cast that would drive him even more insane than usual. Gordon's Therapist
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bystander 4967 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"
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07-11-06, 04:07 PM (EST)
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4. "Borrowed Sara from the Vault......" |
Hey Chef, come closer. Closer. Closer.**POOT** Teeheehee. I left a stinker! How cute of lil ole me? Hehehehehe. Oh and Heather? I'm soooo sorry you're girlfriend Rachel got 86'd last night. Now I guess you'll have to take your lesbian love affair off-line sister. Show some class next time you go flirting around, will ya? Huh????? And Virginia? Thanks for the bed-time story you told Chef during the nominations. It was full of fun, fantasy and cow-pookie. Ya'll need to GROW THE FVCK UP!
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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-13-06, 10:43 AM (EST)
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25. "RE: Watch it, "Thomas"" |
*stabs fake Tom in both feet* *pushes over into trash can*
He's not talking to you, WeinerBoy!Now, Phillipe, as a matter of fact I would. Please inform Ramses that the Confederacy of Galactic Potatoes requires the release and permanent freedom of all the Potatoes of Earth.
We know that for billions of years our Sol brothers lived in relative harmony, especially in Ireland. Then came the evil humans decimating root and tuber alike, with such ferocity as too make the baby Treebeard cry. They received their comeuppance when millions of our rootbound comrades committed spudocide, thus forcing the Irish to emigrate far and wide, along with their foul smelling whiskey. BTW, who taught the wanky Poles to use us for Vodka? Barbarians! In spite of the terrible cost, our brothers have continued to wage a savage war of heart-stopping proportions through badly made au gratins, german potato salad, and potato caviar canapes (uncertain of some earth words *shudder*). Some froggy planetary cousins have been wildly successful, going undercover as "fries". The rest of the galaxy calls these "Giacomos". Clogging arteries left and right. It's only a matter of time before humans are all dead, or simply are so fat that it tips the planet off it's axis and into your sun, where it spatters away like Sara going poot. Be warned, O kingdom of Ramses! 
*swish* *zing!* Another strike for the Potatoes of Earth!
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bystander 4967 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"
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07-13-06, 10:56 AM (EST)
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26. "RE: Watch it, "Thomas"" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-13-06 AT 11:14 AM (EST)Get back in your sack and prepare to be tatertoterized! You think you're all commanding and scary in your little black outfit and toothpick. Well, I happen to be in receipt of a certain picture of you that will show the world the real Darth Tater:
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The Truth is Out There!
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You were getting a little too big for your Fruit of the LoomsBritches! 
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sporkman 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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07-14-06, 02:35 PM (EST)
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35. "RE: Wold Larsen" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-14-06 AT 02:39 PM (EST)
I think Giacomo has gone a bit crazy being stuck here in Loser's Back Alley. Before I escaped he was quietly arranging rice grains from all of the discarded risotto. When Chef Ramsey's thugs threw me back into the alley I found Giacomo had used the rice to write the following:
I am the Fry Cook so I tear taters out of the ground, I rip potatoes out of the earth and throw them in oil, I plunge my hands into your eye and pull steak fries out of your corpse I tear crinkle cuts out of my fridge and I fling shoestring fries at the masses and the masses gather at the golden arches
With many, many apologies to Wolf Larsen for re-writing his poem "I am the Poet", who I don't want to "..plunge my hands into your flesh and pull the human race from your corpse.."
Subject should read Wolf Larsen. I can type. Really, I can
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bystander 4967 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"
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07-12-06, 08:42 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #4: Next On My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss..." |
**smirk**Bring IT On B!tch! I'll ride your donkey a$$ hard and put you up wet! You and Virginia are next on my list now that your girlfriend Rachel is gone!
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Padme 39 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
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07-12-06, 03:52 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: Be The Living Damned Week #4: Next On My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss..." |
You know, it's a good thing that I didn't nominate you Sara. You really hurt my feelings when you lied to Chef's face and made me look bad. You are not a nice person and I don't appreciate the way you treated me. If you were a nice person like I thought you were, you wouldn't have done that to me. Chef, you know now, don't you, that I didn't lie to you but that Sara did, right? You know that I would never lie to you. I would lie under you, but not to you. Speaking of which, I wouldn't mind lying right now. I don't pass gas like Sara. I have manners and am a lady. I would have passed that taste test 100% if you would let me taste whats important. In private. Call me. I'm yours. Oh, this is a competition isn't it? I got lost there. Sara, I am going to make sure that you go home next week you nasty meat maker you. If you learned how to cook salads like me, then maybe you would deserve to stay. 
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