Webby: Hey Survivorscott, I know you have had some problems getting to do Survivor summarries because of bad luck with random number generators

Survivorscott: yeah, but I know it is the way the cookie crumbles

W: Well I have an offer for you! I want you to do the first summary about two teams stranded on an island who compete against each other to eliminate each other until they combine into one team and then eliminate each other until there is just one person remaining.

SS: Yay I get to do a summary for Survivor 10?

W: Who said anything about Survivor? I want you to do the first summary for "the Real Gilligan's Island

SS: Can I make it sound like a Survivor summary?

W: No this is nothing like Survivor, really it isn't (yeah right)

Well after getting this plum assignment for the master of Blows I am eager to get started...again. I had written this out completely and then I went to post it, and the server did not respond until I got knocked off, so here we go again.

We get two episodes one right after another tonight

EPISODE #1

I promised myself one thing. I would not type the words "Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale" in my summary. Aww Crud! I just did. Well lets get to meet our team(s).

First we meet the well named Scott our host. he has short brown wavy hair that doesn't move in the wind and a tropical, khaki kind of outfit ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't).

he introduces us to:
The Gilligans: Gooner- who is the most correctly named reality show contestant of all time- and Chris

The Skippers too:Jim-who looks like santa-and Bob

The millionaires and their wives:the Bevans-Don't worry we will hear more from Mrs. Bevans or as I like to call her Mrs. Bowel as the summary goes along- and the Stearns

The Movie stars: Nicole Eggert- star of "The Demolitionist"- and Rachel Hunter- star of"A Little Harmless Sex"

The professors:Eric who is going to present a positive image for gays on t.v- and Pat

And mary Anns:Amanda and Kate

But before we find out more about our castaways choosen, lets see who didn't make the cut:

There was kick a$$ karate Maryann, Gay Gilligan, Punk Gilligan and apparently Dat Phan Gilligan ( I swear it was him, except he didn't do impersination of his mom's voice), there pirate skipper, black professor, naked guitar playing professor, and of course the millionaires who wanted to win money to by their kick dog, some bling bling.

We also get our first taste of Mrs. Bowel who says" we're just not losers" (ironic quote#1).

So the teams are divided up and each one is given a colored clothe to wear so they will know what team they are on.( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't)

Team Green will be:
Jim
Gooner
Nicole
The Bowels
Amanda and
Eric

Team Gold will be:
Bob
Chris
Rachel
The Stearns
Kate and
Pat

When team Gold arrives they find out there will be a twist.( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't)

They then realize there are two sets of castaways competing to see who will be the cast to compete to win.

The two teams then check out their huts, (see we gave them shelter, we are nothing like Survivor). They realize everyone will be sharing their huts with their counterparts. Mrs Bowel says about the other millionaires "millionaires aren't always the easiest to get along with" (ironic quote#2) . this is also the first time we get the pattended Mrs. Bowel 'hit by a frying pan horse face'

Then everyone goes and gets food. Professor Green gives us this little tidbit." If something gives you cramps and gives you pain, don't eat it again. And he is the "smartest" one on the island.

Mrs. Bowel thinks professor green "wants lots of attention" (ironic quote #3) and "he came across as very loud" (ironic quote #4)

Later that evening everyone sits around and introduces themselves. We officialy find out that Professor Green is gay and has a partner. Mrs. Bowel has a confessional, ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't), where she tells us that she doesn't appreciate that lifestyle. we also find out that Millionaire Gold flunked 4th grade and had a daughter when he was 14. Mrs. millionaire green says she l;oves being a step mom and makes his daughter call her "Mommie Dearest". Once again Mrs. Bowel isn't too happy about that. She informs us that her children are 'ours' and our family is 'real' and she is just simple little Donna. Everyone starts to realize Mrs. Bowel is not all together sane.

Come to find out that the conditions that they are living in are not the best in the world, but millionaire Gold is willing to try and use his resources to make things easier for him and his wife. he offers maryann kate $20.00 a day to give him massages and offers Gilligan Gooner $20.00 for his pillow. When Gooner refuses, Mrs Bowel calls millionaire Gold a "crybaby" (ironic quote #5).

She then says that Millionaire Gold "has no class at all" (ironic quote #6).

As everyone settles in for the night, we see Gilligan Gooner(i swear this is his name and not one I made up) tries to get into his hammock. An Epileptic on rollerskates in an earthquake would have had an easier time and been more graceful than gooner getting into the hammock.

The next morning we find out that to operate the shower someone needs to ride the bamboo bike, No that isn't a euphanism. But for some weird reason Gooner volunteers to ride the bike while Rachel is showering. Hell Yeah.

Then the castaways get a message about their first challenge. ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't).
This time though it comes from the radio.

They are told to go to the beach for their challenge, sort of a Challenge Beach. ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't)

Scott then tells them the challenge. they will have to swim out to their rafts with fire on it, bring it back to shore, put the raft on their team colored mat, then take a torch with fire and light the campfire. ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't)

all is going well for team Gold, they have a lead when all of a sudden. MAN DOWN MAN DOWN!! Apparently Skipper Bob had a mild heart attack during ther challenge. Team Green takes the opprotunity to pass team Gold and go on to win.

Then we have a helicopter fly to the island and take the contestant that had a major medical emergency to the nearest hospital. ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't)

Back at camp team Green is enjoying their rewards of mattreses and comforts from home. (( we aren't copying Big Brother this time, really we aren't)

Mrs. Bowel feels that "we deserve this" (ironic quote #7) and that they did a good job today. (Not ironic just stupid this time). Gee I wonder who is going to be the first to complain that they were edited totally different than what they really are?

Mrs Bevans in an attempt to make the other team feel good. says that we all "almost" collapsed today. professor Pat kindly told her that "almost" collapsing and having a heart attack are two different things. Mrs. Bowel thinks team Gold are "showing bad sportsmanship" (ironic quote#8), by blaming their loss on Bob's heart attack.

she then tells Nicole "You hope one of your competitors goes down, once again Mrs. Bowel needs to work for Hallmark

EPISODE #2

Later that night everyone prticipates in crab races to blow off some tension when a mysterious voice from behind them says "what's everyone doing?" It's Skipper Bob 'YAY' he has returned and is looking good, but he is going to leave 'BOO'. He says" My health is more important to me than winning this game so I am going to quit." ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't). He then gives his hat to Skipper Green (oh yeah we have one of them) and tells him he is the skipper and he has to look after two crews.

The castaways are then summoned by the radio and told to go down the path to Voodoo Village.( we aren't copying Scooby Doo, really we aren't). So when one walks to Voodoo Village you expect some sort of scary or funky music to play right? Nope we get Beethovens 5th? Not enven the disco version, the classical version.

Scott tells them that each night two contestants will come to voodoo village and bring this box back to find ot which two castaways will go head to head the next day, where one will earn the right to be one of the 7 castaways, and one will be eleminated from the game.( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't). Tonight we learn it is. Cue the deaf powdered wig wearing guy name after a saint Bernard. The professors.

Professor Green thinks he has the advantage because he is smarter, 30 years younger and more physically fit. Professor Gold says it depends on what kind of challenge it is as to how well he will do. If it is a boxing match he will knock Professor greens head off. If it is Naming as many gay athletes as possible in three minute, professor Green may win.

So to blow off steam before the competition the next day, the women decide to dress Professor Green up in Drag. One of the items they want to use is the pink Boa Mrs Bowel brought. lets just say drama ensues. Mrs. Bowel wonders why "people can't grow up" (ironic quote #9).

Rachel feels the need to talk to Mrs. Bowel about this and guess what? and aurgument starts, yeah I know, mrs Bowel thinks Rachel "tops all Drama Queens" (ironic quote #10)

we then get introduced to the new Professor Green who is introduced by the ladies as a professor of "#####"trophysics. Professor Green feels he has a femine form and heterosexual men find that attractive on him. way to give gays a positive role model there professor.

Then it is time to go to sleep, big day tomorrow, with an elimination challenge and immunity on the line ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't). But Mrs. Bowel feels the need to spread some more of her philosophy. She says and I quote, I couldn't make this up. "You know there are people out the having sex with snakes" wha what? Because it is a short step from gays getting married to men wanting to marry snakes. she also said they have proven that if you are gay or lesbian there is something wrong with you.

****the view expressed by Donna Blevans aka. Mrs. Bowel are not those of the author of this summary, the owner of this web sight, or pretty much every human in the world****

I never knew people had a pedjudice against herpetosexuals

We also see Gilligan Chris who is from Boston start to flirt with the sweet innocent girl on his team. ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't)

Next morning the professors gather up their teams for a little pep talk. Professor green tells his tteam that if they win Gold will be in a deep depression. Mrs. Bowel thinks that they will "have to ignore the other team" (ironic quote #11) when they win.

Team Green feels that their clothing is holding them back so they cut their clothes. Maryann Green (oh yeah we have one of those too) says'The less clothing, the better you are" In the words of Gilligan Gooner. Hell Yeah!

So time for the challenge. they have to build a raft, row it out to their flag, row back and plant the flag. ( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't)

Team Green uses all their parts and makes a well built, good looking raft. team Golds raft? well Rachel put it best it looks Ghetto.

Now for all you aspiring reality show producers and editors out there. whats the first rule of competitions? That's right, make one team look very superior before they fall flat on their pompus faces. Apparently when you use all of the pieces you are given, your raft is much heavier than the ghetto version. team green wins and professor Green is banished to the other side of the island.

As a reward team Green gets fishing equipment, including a mask, flippers, and a spear.( we aren't copying Survivor, really we aren't)

Mrs Bowel is talking to Millionaire Gold and tells them that she hopes" they wont be bad sports next time when they win" ironic quote #12)

Mr Bowel then speaks up (wow I forgot we had one of those) and says, that Mrs. Bowel is being the bad sport. This bit of courage doesn't last long, as Nicole gets into it. She asks if Millionaire Green just insulted Mrs. Bowel. he says know. Mrs. Bowel tells Nicole that he interupted a "genuine" moment between herself and millionaire Gold.

Nicole then starts to yell at Millionaire Green and then realizes he is on the same team as her, oops her mistake. i guess she doesn't do as well when Charles isn't in Charge of her.

As the show comes to the end, The Skipper and the Professor,( They get the titles because they have truly earned it, per Scott the host not me) walk to Voodoo Village to get the box and find out who gets to compete tomorrow.

They open the door, pull out the voodoo doll and find out it is:

The Mary Anns

I won't give there competition away, lets just say it involves coconut cream pies.

And for God's sake people:

Stop Having Sex With Snakes!

Come in a stranger,leave a little stranger