So there they are. It's the usual assortment, really: take a model from somewhere, grab a few DAWS from bars because you have to recruit somewhere, make sure you have a gay male because there's a quota system working here, include at least three total jerks, one meathead, another with an IQ below that of the scriptwriters (which can take some effort), at least one proud bigot, and add a dose of religious hypocrisy. Serve to taste. Grodner's taste. She doesn't care about anyone else's.
As noted on the other thread, we have twelve who can actually compete for the prize, soon to be joined by four who just won't care. But for now, all we've got is The New Deadly Dozen, and they are:
Name: Ashley Iocco
Hometown: Pittsburgh, Pa. (living in West Hollywood, Calif.)
Occupation: Owner of a Mobile Spray Tanning Company Oh, dear gawds. We Can Orange You Wholesale. Just park in Snooki's driveway and you'll have the 500k within a year...
Three adjectives that describe you: Vivacious, loving, charismatic, spark plug and enthusiastic. That was five - OOPS! We'll see how she does with counting votes.
Favorite Activities: Hiking, yoga, painting, meditating, making dream boards, sunbathing, swimming, snowboarding and boating. Dream boards? It's an odd mix of interests: halfway between being a little deeper than expected and desperately trying to pretend so.
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: Not being able to have your own space and alone time. I love being around people, but I'm definitely one to have my special me time. Wrong! The correct answer is 'The idiots running the show and everything they will torture me with, including myself!' But thanks for playing.
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” Play everyone! I will come off as the dumb ditzy blonde, but take it to the end because I'm actually really smart and good at reading through people’s lies. You believed the ones in the casting contract.
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least: Jeff is my favorite because I just want to eat him up…he was so loyal and stupid, and homophobic, and strategy-blind, and kind…especially to Jordan. Jerry is my least favorite since he just floated his way through the game. I’m not a fan of floaters. Go, Team Rachel!
What are you afraid of: Mosquitoes. Have you met the ants?
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: Starting my own business and making the move out to the West Coast.
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… Give LOVE to the things in life that you love and give no attention to the things you don't love. ...yeah, that's a good way to die.
What would you take into the house and why: Music, because it keeps me sane and uplifts my mood in minutes. My dream book because I love looking at it everyday. Finally, frankincense oil, because it heals everything and makes you forever young. How about this brass healing band that I'll sell you for only $85.00? When your wrist turns green, that means it's working.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: Change the world one day at a time and show people that giving love and being open to learning about love (not so literally) will change your attitude and make you happy forever. I smell a former pageant contestant. Also a delusional idiot. And a future Bachelor Pad applicant, which may be worst of all. Can you believe the egos running this crap were openly self-blinding enough to ask this question? Well, brace yourself, because it's gonna come around again.
Danielle don't panic
Name: Danielle Murphree
Hometown: Grant, Ala. (living in Tuscaloosa, Ala.)
Occupation: Nurse Barely, at that age. Just enough learning to be dangerous and not enough experience to be practical.
Three adjectives that describe you: Loving, outgoing and passionate. 'My alliance-mates will have to pry me off with a crowbar.'
Favorite Activities: I love to dance. I could do that all day, everyday. I love photography, scrapbooking, working out and swimming. Anything that keeps me active. Scrapbooking as high-activity exercise. Yeah.
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: Being cut off from the outside world and not being able to listen to music or take pictures. So that's two for two on not having watched the show.
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” To be considered someone that isn't a threat and someone that doesn't seem very smart. The people that are a threat are usually eliminated first. Float on, Danielle, float on.
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least: I love Jordan and I can't stand Rachel. Rachel is beyond annoying and fake with her whining and backstabbing. Jordan seemed honest, down to earth and fun. The Unsinkable Danielle Murphree! If there's a Team Rachel and she winds up on it... And yes, she likes stupid people. Well, this should be a fun summer for her.
What are you afraid of: I am terrified of snakes, dying young, heights and never finding my true love. I can guarantee you two out of four in the house with a chance for a sweep. (No one may love you after seeing you here plus if you have a major allergy which could kill you, Medical doesn't care.)
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: Finally graduating Nursing school and passing my NCLEX on the first try. Not bad at all -- but she's still very new at this.
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… love everything as if you were about to lose it. 'Peter Parker comes to me for clinging lessons.'
What would you take into the house and why: My camera because I love taking pictures; my iPad so I can play games and listen to my music; and my cell phone because I’m a chatterbug and love talking to people. This one will be a terror if she gets the HoH camera and blog. Here's hoping she can spell. And shoot. And think before trying either.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: Be a happy camper. I guess I would deal with the new challenges that I faced with fame, but I wouldn't hate it. I wouldn't mind being famous. Innocence is not always attractive.
Name: Frank Eudy Not Erik?
Hometown: Marion, Ark. (living in Naples, Fla.)
Occupation: Unemployed $750 a week sounded real good at the time.
Three adjectives that describe you: Gregarious, interesting and engaging. With a chance to go oh-for-three.
Favorite Activities: Going to the beach, exercising and being around people. I think we have a social butterfly here with an element of arrested teenager -- not that his picture wasn't presenting a possible clue in that direction. There's something about his expression which screams high school junior.
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: Making sure my hair is camera ready all the time. You can die now.
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” Absolutely. Numbers are important, so I want to set up a "Dream Team," all playing certain roles. I would need a Larry Bird, a good country boy or girl who's honest and competitive; a Charles Barkley, an unmovable object possibly with a bit of a harsh attitude; a Patrick Ewing, somebody that knows the game and is reliable; a Michael Jordan, somebody who's a baller that can win competitions; and me as Magic Johnson, friendly guy playing point and running the show. And then your Jordan kills you all in your sleep because he's the only one allowed to win anything ever and teammates are not important since he's so talented, he can do everything himself. Plus you think Ewing was reliable. So everything you know about life, you learned from badly-programmed NBA simulations. Wow.
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least: Most: Chill Town - they were great at the game and great at entertaining. Least: Daniele - she wines and complains too much and was ungrateful to her dad for the chance to even make it on the show. Well, they needed someone who could be on Team Malin without throwing up.
What are you afraid of: I don't care for spiders or snakes. All together now: YOU FOOL!
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: Paying for my braces while I was working through college. Admittedly not the easiest trick.
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… the difference between a stranger and a friend is an introduction. Also the difference between a stranger and an enemy. By the way, how many people are you about to introduce yourself to?
What would you take into the house and why: A phone…for the main purpose of getting information about the game from the outside world. Admittedly one of the best things to have, although your own look at the feeds with audio might be an improvement. Still, this would get him what the viewers had found out with the right calls. So at least he's deluding himself in the right direction.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: Do my best to make it sustainable, and try not to make an ##### out of myself! 'Sixteen minutes or death!'
Name: Ian Leonard Hofstadter Terry
Hometown: Pittsburgh, Pa. (living in New Orleans, La.)
Occupation: Engineering Student at Tulane University He is mega-broke and will be for some time. I'll give him the benefit on the doubt on not missing any class start dates for this.
Three adjectives that describe you: Intelligent, eccentric and analytical. I would have thrown in 'nerd', 'victim', and 'punching bag' -- not necessarily what he is, but how he's going to be perceived. I suspect he's going to be heavily abused in the cage.
Favorite Activities: I really enjoy biking whenever I get the chance. A grueling bike ride is excellent. Okay, some athletic ability.
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: Being disconnected from sports, family, friends, internet and TV. Note that sequence.
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” I want to make an alliance with about six people and I'd like to be seen as maybe the fourth strongest in the group, that way it wouldn't be me going up if the other side gained the power. Hmm... Let us hope this isn't Ronnie 2.0.
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least: My all-time favorite has to be Dr. Will from BB2/BB7. He played the game with absolute finesse both times, and as a 10 year old watching BB2, I definitely would say I idolized him back then. All right, he may have some idea what he's doing. So we're potentially looking at the problem between theory and execution. Plus having the resident macho idiots trying to kill him every five minutes.
What are you afraid of: I'm definitely afraid of venomous snakes and any large, deadly animals, simply because they're extremely dangerous. I also have a real fear of vomiting because it's really painful and a fear of drowning since I feel like it'd be one of the worst ways to die. They will get him drunk enough to vomit and then throw him in the pool.
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: My proudest accomplishment so far in life is going to Tulane, far away from my family and old friends, studying the hardest major I could possibly take, and surviving it for three years. There are harder majors than Engineers, but let's assume he just couldn't possibly take them.
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… I came here to kick butt and chew bubblegum, but I'm all out of bubblegum. Also to wear sunglasses which reveal the aliens among us. Seriously?
What would you take into the house and why: My collection of glasses: I have these glasses that can go with everything I wear. A picture of my family: I definitely will really miss them. My guitar: I recently picked up guitar and feel it's an awesome way to relieve stress. Also, it does get me a fair amount of attention from girls. As opposed to your site picture, where those glasses do not go with your species. And that will get you a fair amount of attention from girls. Most of them will be giggling behind your back.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: I'd try to live my life normally again. I don't really have any intentions of going into acting or anything like that. I'd probably just try to go back to Chemical Engineering and do what I've always wanted to do. 'Is there a Bachelor Pad slot open yet?'
Jenn don't panic, take two
Name: Jenn Arroyo
Hometown: Brooklyn, N.Y.
Occupation: Musician/Former Bass Player for the Female Metal
Group “Kittie” I didn't look them up. Someone else can look them up. Someone whose speakers only go up to 4.
Three adjectives that describe you: Smart, sexy and funny. Also inexpertly dyed. Nakomis did it better.
Favorite Activities: I LOVE TO PLAY MY GUITAR/BASS!! I also like to work out, bike, run and lift weights. I enjoy writing and my journal tends to work out as lyrics. 'And sometimes I randomly bash people over the head with whatever comes to hand, but that's really more of a hobby.'
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: No contact with family and friends. It will be tough, but I have been on very long tours far away from my loved ones and survived, so I can do this. Implying at least slight success as a musician. At least she's not on FOX.
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” I'm going to be me. It's a simple answer, but a fun twisted puzzle to unfold. 'I am a walking corpse and when I finally figure that out, I will stiffen and fall on the spot.'
What are you afraid of: Roller coasters. Not too keen on heights either. ...yeah, I don't think they can get a coaster into the backyard either.
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: I'm so very proud of every album I've ever worked on. A piece of my heart and soul are located within. Find her Horcruxes!
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… TO ENJOY YO'SELF! Thank you, Ghetto Natalie.
What would you take into the house and why: Guitar, a laptop to record my music and a flat iron. Raise your hand if you read 'tire iron' there.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: Head right back into the studio and record a full length album and then head out on the road with my band and tour. Start a music program to help underprivileged kids stay focused. Music has saved my life and I want to give back to what has been so good to me. Some degree of heart and she's practical about using fame. But believing she can get any? Well -- how large were her prior venues? She might have the best shot of anyone if she'll take small clubs, but...
Name: Jodi Rollins
Age: 42 On this show, that is known as 'deceased'.
Hometown: Englewood, Colo. (living in Calipatria, Calif.)
Occupation: Restaurant Server
Three adjectives that describe you: Funny, outdoorsy and opinionated. I would pay a dollar for the lone non-Caucasian contestant in a season to say 'token'.
Favorite Activities: Hiking, talking, writing, singing and laughing! And since you said 'opinionated' above and I know how Grodner casts that, I'll add 'bitching' and 'moaning'.
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: The lack of privacy, missing my family, getting no sleep and eating slop would all be hard for me. No sleep? Have you seen this show?
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” I will let people underestimate me. 'I will let people accurately estimate me and hope it works out to a negative number.
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least: I loved Brittney from Season 2. She was sweet and funny with an edge! So who remembers -- oh, forget it...
What are you afraid of: Snakes and roller coasters. Where they did recruit this year, the recovery ward at Six Flags?
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: Running the LA marathon twice and marrying my hubby. No finishing time, but the rest of the cage should beware her in endurance contests. Hidden danger here if she can keep her mouth shut about it.
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… Live in the moment!! 'I cannot plan to save my life.'
What would you take into the house and why: A picture of my hubby, my iPod, a pen and a notepad.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: I would try to stay grounded. Fine: you're grounded. Come out in three months.
Look at that smile. He lost it before he ever got here.
Name: Joe Arvin
Hometown: Lexington, Ky. (living in Schererville, Ind.)
Occupation: Chef 'I was too crazy to get on HK. Who even knew that was possible?' And he will be helpless against the slop.
Three adjectives that describe you: Leader, performer and entertainer. Dead, deceased, and pushing up daisies.
Favorite Activities: Watching my kids play sports, compete and see them have that drive to win. 'I will find my glory through them if every last one has to die for my fix.'
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: It will be hard to have everyday, every minute, every second of my life on the air. I think at times I will want to crawl into a hole and hide. Aww, why stop at hiding? There's a much more traditional activity to do after crawling into a hole!
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” I plan to use my cooking skills to help get me to the end. Every one loves to eat, never get rid of the cook! Hi, Keith!
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least: My favorites were Chicken George, because he was able to move around undetected for much of the time, and Will, who won by acting like he was crazy. Come on that’s talent. You have no idea what George was doing (and neither did he) and you don't understand Will at all. Not only aren't you as good as you think you are, you aren't even as good as George thought he was. Meet the pigeon at the table. Start plucking for squab.
What are you afraid of: I am not a big fan of being alone. I love to have people around me at all times. It comforts me. It makes me happy. Well, that's gonna change. I would also say heights. I get upset and dizzy.
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: Never giving up, my will to win and being a mentor to my kids. 'The next generation won't be able to face reality either!'
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… Inspire, dream, cook. That’s how you become GREAT! No, that's how you become an animated cereal mascot tiger.
What would you take into the house and why: A football to remind me everyday that it’s a game and I will win. A cookbook since I’m always studying my art and a family photo because I never forget where I come from and who I am fighting for. Ever have one of those bios where you didn't know what to laugh at first?
JoJo watch the viewers confuse the three.
Name: JoJo Spatafora
Hometown: Staten Island, N.Y.
Occupation: Bartender You recruit in enough bars, you eventually decide to save some time...
Three adjectives that describe you: Thankful, different and sparkling. 'I am full of gas bubbles.'
Favorite Activities: Rollerblading, dancing, cooking, traveling and ice skating. Call it instinct, but let's just add 'threatening' and 'insulting' to the list until proven otherwise. I've met this type. I know how to make them retreat. Eventually.
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: Not having a computer, cell phone or TV, although it’s pretty cool to just block everything out. I have no kids or special someone to go home to so it wouldn't really bother me as long as I can chill in the backyard and tan. Yeah, definitely met this type...
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” Of course I have a strategy, but is it smart to tell you? Is this a trick question? And with that, she may have just become the smartest person here.
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least: I like Evil Dick the most because he’s “real.” I don't like the red headed girl that got engaged to one of the other guys....Rachel? She thinks a lot of herself and her laugh is so annoying! I want to give you some benefit of the doubt, but I'd guess your ego may be pretty far up there. (You were cast for this. Next argument?) And Dick as 'real' -- well, that says something about priorities. She values jerks. I'm starting to think we're looking at a Shore reject.
What are you afraid of: Snakes and creepy crawlers, sometimes heights and I don't like the dark either - I watch too many horror movies. YOU FOOL!
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… Everything happens for a reason... it’s a cliché, but true. 'I didn't know there was a reason for me to spend an entire summer humiliating myself, but if that's what the universe wants...'
What would you take into the house and why: Chapstick so my lips stay soft, and a toothbrush because you have to brush your teeth - DUH! This is either very practical or very stupid. Pick one.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: I would try to keep a semi-low profile and stay as humble as possible. I would love to donate money to charities because I know what it’s like to not have a lot. I? Will give her the benefit of the doubt on charity, but I'm not placing a penny on humble.
Name: Kara Monaco
Hometown: Orlando, Fla. (living in Los Angeles, Calif.)
Occupation: Model Playmate, which will split the house all by itself. She's best off keeping it quiet -- so she probably won't.
Three adjectives that describe you: Smart, funny and loyal 'I am a Golden Retriever.'
Favorite Activities: Running, hiking and yoga 'I brought my own harness! Walkies?'
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: Not being able to at least speak to my mom and best friends
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” I don't know if you can really have a strategy when it comes to Big Brother, but you have to be great competitively and socially. And there goes the IQ, skyrocketing upwards. Yes, strategy exists in this game only to be mocked, and she figured that out before Week One. Good for her! (Still doomed.)
Have you had any interesting occupations in your past: I worked at Disney for 4 years as a dancer/performer playing Cinderella, Snow White, and Alice in Wonderland. Strategic omission here. Maybe she can keep it quiet.
What are you afraid of: Heights and bugs! The challenge staff is going to have the repetitive time of their lives.
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… Live life to the fullest!
What would you take into the house and why: Only my nook so I can read. Put all this together and if it worked out, we might have the UTR player who makes it to F5. She seemingly has enough awareness of what she's up against -- but then there's Anti-Angie Syndrome, and that's invariably fatal.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: I would use it to help people and try to make a positive difference in the world. 'And if the winner in front of me should be unable to serve...'
Shane go away, Shane! go away!
Name: Shane Meaney Yeah, like that's not gonna be prophetic in any way.
Hometown: Bennington, Vt.
Occupation: House Flipper 'I pretend to fix problems, make money off my lack of effort, and then pass the issues on to someone else.' Now there's a reality strategy for you.
Three adjectives that describe you: Passionate, funny and honest. Yes, I think you're lying.
Favorite Activities: Working out, renovating houses, hitting golf balls off my deck into the woods and spending time with my friends and family. 'I brain small animals and don't bother looking for the bodies.'
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: Eating the slop because I'm used to my roommate’s cooking. Read 'roommate' any way you want to, but the gay quota is always one per gender.
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” Make friends with people in the house while maintaining my competitive nature...oh, and have fun! 'I'm so proud to be the first boot!'
Who is your hero and why: My dad. He is an accomplished musician, loving husband, great father and would do anything for me or my sister.
What are you afraid of: Failure, mice and drowning. 'Next into the pool!' You're afraid of failure? Prepare to spend the entire season in the fetal position.
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: Graduating Pre-Med with a 3.8 grade point average. And then you -- became a house flipper. Wanna talk about that?
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… work hard and play harder. And don't get saddled with medical school student loans.
What would you take into the house and why: My iPod since I can’t live without music, my dog Dozer and a pull up bar because I gotta keep those muscles alive. Did he say Dozer or Poser? As if it matters.
Special note: this one has his own YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/thewilshow and according to the Worsters, he's applied for Idol.
Name: Wil Heuser
Hometown: Louisville, Ky.
Occupation: Marketing Consultant
Three adjectives that describe you: Funny, unique and brash. Also 'flamboyantly gay', 'comedian' (watch the channel and decide if you think he's funny), and 'most likely to get Dobson to bite through his own tongue.
Favorite Activities: Running, biking and lunching with good friends. 'Also fimding Kynt and Vyxsin because in my hometown, we each need someone to watch the other's backs.'
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: It will be difficult to live with other people. I'm used to living on my own and having my space, but I'm always up for a challenge. 'I am probably going to wind up kicking some ass, sans bubblegum.'
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” I would probably not tell the other roommates my profession and play the "nice guy," "someone you can trust" role. I think I would let alliances form first and then manipulate my way into control of the game. ...and down goes Wil: cause of death: his own knife, found planted in his neck by his own hand. Very common death around here. And what's so scary about marketing? Just ignore everything he says and you're golden.
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least: I just watched the last season but I did not like Evil #####; arrogant people are not my cup of tea. I did like Rachel. She was outgoing and fun to watch. You hate arrogant -- but you like Rachel. Um...
What are you afraid of: Snakes and bananas creep me out. PG13 barrier, PG13 barrier...
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: My career. I have traveled the world, met amazing people, and I've never let the word NO stop me. Until today.
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… If you want something done, do it yourself. 'I will set up my own demise, thank you.'
What would you take into the house and why: A flat iron since I have crazy hair and I have to keep it in check! An iPod because music helps me think and meditate. A bottle of Woodford Reserve… I'm from Kentucky – Bourbon -- it’s in my blood. As long as it's $0.01 per bottle, the last one has a shot.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: I wouldn't change much in my life. Fame comes and goes. I would however probably use a little bit of press to help bring light to causes close to my heart. Recognizing that most fame is transient: good. Coming here to get anything that isn't self-imposed torture: bad.
Willie okay, now panic
Name: Willie Hantz
Hometown: Vinton, La. (living in Dayton, Texas)
Occupation: Tankerman It means he gets tanked a lot.
Three adjectives that describe you: Serious, hostile and docile. Hurts people, then puts on the sincere 'who me?' face? Passive-aggressive and dedicated to it? Do you really want to find out?
Favorite Activities: Gambling and strip clubs! I have memorized your face. I have posted pictures. I will make you beg for the sweet mercy of death.
Most difficult part about living inside the Big Brother house: Eating the slop because I'm used to my roommate’s (i.e. my mother) cooking. To be fair, it's not as if this family can really risk going out in public any more.
Strategy for winning “Big Brother:” To make as much confusion in the house in order to take the attention off of me. Also, burning socks, contaminating water, searching for hidden idols, hoping for dumb blondes and if at all possible, defecating in the slop, which might go unnoticed. Gosh, wonder where he got his briefing?
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least: My least favorite was Rachel because I would have shot myself if I was in that house with her. There is nobody I really respected who ever played the game. 'You know my relative's ego? I have it. Plus my own. Plus everyone else's. Because I'm just that good. By the way, I have a sudden urge to shoot myself. Anyone know why?'
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of: My two children. Why are people letting this gene pool breed?
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… only the good die young. 'Because I killed them.' The other translation of this is 'So I'll be an ass and live forever.' Oh, what fun we are about to have for the whole week he lasts.
What would you take into the house and why: Cigarettes and vodka. Such surprising personality depths.
What would you do if “Big Brother” made you famous: I would be on All-Stars. And he's already planning the full career.
He is one of the twists and the twist always falls apart early. Let us hope...
Optionally, let us pray.