LAST EDITED ON 03-19-04 AT 02:45 PM (EST)
In the beginning, God created the TV universe, and it was good. God created all kinds of great TV stuff to fill the TV universe, and it was pretty good. He created TV shows and TV Networks and it was all good.
On the sixth day, God said, “Let there be Reality shows,” and it was exceedingly good.
God created two reality shows, one male and one female, and he said, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the TV universe with Reality shows.”
God named the man Survivor, and the woman he named The Bachelorette. He told them, “Eat any fruit you want in the garden, but do not eat the apple, for then you will know evil.”
Now the Fox Network was the most slippery TV Network in the garden. Fox Network had eaten the apple and knew evil.
Fox Network approached The Bachelorette and said, “Eat the apple, for it will make you wise,” and so The Bachelorette ate the apple, and she gave it to her husband Survivor and he ate.
When God saw that Survivor and the Bachelorette had eaten the apple, he said, “What have you done? Now you know evil. Cursed be the ground because of you.”
And so Survivor and The Bachelorette went out from the presence of the Lord, since they knew evil.
Then Survivor got to know The Bachelorette and they brought forth children. They had many, many children. But Survivor and The Bachelorette knew evil, so their children were not always so good.
Now the Fox Network was still the most slippery network, and so it approached three of their children: Love Cruise, Paradise Hotel and Forever Eden.
Fox Network said, “I will make you wise.”
But Love Cruise, Paradise Hotel and Forever Eden did not become wise. Instead, they learned more of the ways of evil. They became the underachieving children in the family of Survivor and The Bachelorette.
“Why can’t you be like our other child, The Apprentice?” asked Survivor and The Bachelorette.
Love Cruise, Paradise Hotel and Forever Eden suffered from an identity crisis. They did not know if they were to be like their father Survivor or their mother The Bachelorette. The Bachelorette wanted them to help others to be fruitful and multiply, but Survivor wanted them to form a new society.
Survivor desperately pleaded with them to let contestants form alliances, vote out other contestants by secret ballot, and in general give the contestants control of the game. But Love Cruise, Paradise Hotel and Forever Eden wanted to control their contestants instead, so they came up with a different way to kick off contestants each week, so that everything was unpredictable. The contestants became confused and fearful. Then they abolished the secret ballot, forcing contestants to say who they had voted for, and the contestants became even more fearful.
The Bachelorette tried to help. She told them they should let their contestants be fruitful and multiply. But their contestants never had time to form relationships. They were always afraid of being voted out. And most of the time it was a member of the opposite sex who determined their demise. This caused mistrust. And couples had trouble forming, because new contestants would come along and break them up.
Soon it was a battle to the death between the old contestants and the new contestants on Paradise Hotel. Survivor scoffed at this. “All contestants should start at the same time,” he said.
Survivor and The Bachelorette were deeply sorrowed when two of their children, Love Cruise and Paradise Hotel, died an early death. Of their three problem children, only the youngest among them, Forever Eden, was still alive.
But they were still proud of their son, The Apprentice.
This is just one chapter in the saga of Forever Eden, their youngest child. Turn in your scriptures now to Forever Eden, Chapter 4, verse 22.
Forever Eden had so many of the problems of his older brother, Paradise Hotel, and his older sister, Love Cruise.
When Forever Eden began his career, he told the men contestants on his show to select one woman contestant as the “least desirable.”
This seemed strange to Survivor and The Bachelorette, but the youngest child in their family was trying something new, and they had to give him some space.
The men contestants chose Mary, a young woman who sadly had been antagonizing people with nasty comments and rude behavior. But instead of banishing her, Forever Eden told Mary to choose one of the men for banishment. Suddenly, the men were groveling before Mary, begging her not to choose them, even though most of them still disliked her behavior. When the actual banishment ceremony came, however, there was yet another twist. Mary had an opportunity to save the man she chose for banishment, but when she chose not to do so, she ended up being banished along with him.
The following week, Forever Eden told the women to vote one man as “most desirable.” They chose a contestant named Michael, whom Forever Eden then told to invite two of the women to enjoy a day of fun and luxury with him. He chose Brooke and Neveen. But while the three of them were gone, Forever Eden followed the path of evil. He told the other women that they would have to banish either Brooke or Neveen.
Survivor and The Bachelorette were deeply troubled by the path their son was taking, but he begged them to let him continue.
Forever Eden then added another evil twist. He told the women that if they couldn’t agree on who to banish, then the tables would turn and Brooke and Neveen would chose one of them to banish.
The women couldn’t choose between Brooke and Neveen. Kassie, one of the women, commented that Neveen was her roommate, but lately she was finding closer ties to Brooke. Finally, three of the four of them decided to send Neveen home. But Khalilah, another of the women, held out. She refused to send her good friend Neveen home. Since the rules stated that a unanimous vote would be required, there was no decision. It looked like the tables were about to turn, with Brooke and Neveen choosing one of the four of them for banishment, but at the last minute, Khalilah decided to send herself home to save Neveen.
Episode 4 began with Neveen in tears because Khalilah sacrificed herself for her.
Yet God smiled down on the noble sacrifice. Khalilah had died so that Neveen could live. Survivor and The Bachelorette rejoiced.
The other girls tried to comfort Neveen. “I’m just glad we got to keep you,” Shawna said. “We didn’t want to have to do that in the first place.”
But in a confessional, Shawna told the TV viewers that she wasn’t sorry for choosing Neveen to be voted off, and if it came down to it, she might have to do it again.
“I can’t believe Khalilah is gone,” Neveen sobbed, with Shawna’s arm around her, and Kassie holding her hand. “Why did she have to do that? I wouldn’t have minded if she didn’t.”
“She loves you, honey, and she wants you to stay,” Shawna replied.
The guys all gave Neveen a hug, and everyone tried to console her. They all toasted to Neveen at the bar, and to Khalilah, for being so unselfish.
“May we all be so unselfish,” Jordan said.
But Neveen’s heart was still filled with bitterness.
“I lost my best friend on this island, and it’s hard,” Neveen told the TV viewers in a confessional. “Now I know their true colors and how they really are. They tell me they had to make a decision and blah blah. It doesn’t matter. They picked me. So I’m pissed.”
Although Matt had heard none of this confessional, it was easy for him to put 2 + 2 together. He took Neveen aside and said he wished the others had voted Brooke off. He said he understood how Neveen might have felt a little betrayed by her friends.
“How am I supposed to act?” she asked.
“Play the game girl,” he answered.
And behold, the TV viewers saw footage of a spider.
Neveen told the TV viewers the thing that bugged her the most was her roommate Kassie wanted to vote her out. They had made a pact, but now all she wanted to do was tell her, “you’re a dog, a tramp, a harlot.”
Back in their room, little was spoken. There was a very clear uneasiness between them.
Kassie told the TV viewers that she really hated to vote Neveen off. “It was the hardest thing by far that I’ve done here. I just hope that she’s able to get over it, and things can get back to the way they were in the past. I just hope she’s able to let it go.”
Neveen told the TV viewers that she wouldn’t come out and confront them, but she was sure it would come out someday. “You can only hold things in for so long,” said said.
Back at the bar, Jordan was working all kinds of unseemly unrighteousness. He had partaken of the fruit of the vine, and said something to Shawna that made her wince.
But, by comparison, Matt was making a complete spectacle of himself. He was repeatedly groping Liz in front of everyone, while Liz told him to stop. Matt had alienated Brooke the week before. Now it was Liz. Shawna was next, who told Matt to back off. David and Michael laughed at all of this, and Jordan told the TV viewers in a confessional that Matt was sleazy.
Yeah and verily.
Meanwhile, David and Liz were becoming a delight to each other’s eyes.
The Bachelorette was happy. “That’s what my son, Forever Eden, should be doing with his show,” she said.
Liz told David she was blushing with all the groping and stuff going on. David agreed.
David told the TV viewers he was going to medical school and so he was definitely very serious about life and the goals that he had set for himself. He wanted to get to know a woman before he made a commitment to her physically or mentally.
“If I meet someone, I’ve got to know who they are,” he told Liz. “I’ve got to have feelings for them, and if from there you get feelings for someone and you can trust them, then you build a relationship, and from there you go on.”
Liz agreed. She told the TV viewers that when it came to a guy and whether she was intimate or sexual, she was extremely conservative, and extremely personal about it.
A few days earlier, David had been interested in Shawna, but when she hooked up with Wallace, David changed to Liz.
David and Liz sat and watched Shawna and some of the others, who were stripping in the swimming pool.
David told Liz, “Of all girls here -- I mean you can deny it -- but of all the girls here you and Shawna are the top two without a doubt. But honestly, I don’t trust girls that are ... “
“Stripping in the pool?” said Liz, finishing his sentence.
“Well I’m glad to hear that you don’t find this sexy, girls running around like that,” she said.
Liz was really taken with David. You could see it in the way she trembled as she smiled. The way she was out of breath and stuttered as she talked to David. She told the TV viewers she liked guys with dark hair and dark eyes. “If I could take all of my guys at home and roll them into one it would be David,” she said.
Liz was quite a looker herself. Blond and sexy, but not a dumb blond. More a “thinking man’s” blond.
Looking at the pool, David continued, “It can be fun, I won’t lie, but ... “
“I’d rather do it one on one,” she said, again finishing his sentence, and again almost out of breath. You could see that they were both a little bit breathless as they smiled at one another.
Meanwhile, Shawna and Brooke left the pool to go to take a shower. Jordan joined them.
“You’re my dream girl. I’m so glad we met,” David told Liz, as they headed for her cabana.
Later, outside of Liz’s cabana, David told Jordan, “I do feel like I missed out on a lot tonight.” But David told him he saw that Shawna had hooked up with Wallace, and he was never one to compete over a girl. His instinct, he said, was to go “hook up with the next best thing, and the next best thing is Liz,” he said.
The TV viewers then saw a shot of Liz in her bed, alone, twittling her fingers as if she was waiting for David.
So soon Liz?? Nothing like waiting till you get to know someone!!!
But if Liz thought David cared about her, had she overheard what David had just said?
The next day at breakfast Jordan was up to his usual braggadocio. He told the guys that he took a shower the night before with Brooke and Shawna. David, sitting right next to him, had a sour look on his face but said nothing.
Jordan said they were both great girls, but he thought Brooke was a little hotter.
Meanwhile, in one of the rooms, Brooke told Shawna and Neveen that Jordan was like a brother to her, but there was no way it would ever be anything more. The other two agreed.
And it came to pass that day that the next new contestant arrived. His name was Jason.
Jason looked like a buffed up, dumbed down version of John Travolta, at a younger age. He was from Scottsdale and was a bartender.
Survivor winced. His older son Paradise Hotel has used so many contestants from Scottsdale. Had it led to his early death? But Forever Eden reminded his father that he had once used a bartender from Scottsdale as well. (Survivor 5:1)
“Yeah, well it was only once,” Survivor reminded his son. “Please don’t overdo it like your brother did.”
Jason told the TV viewers he wanted to be the “bad apple” of the group.
Survivor laughed. “With his credentials it’s a foregone conclusion!”
“Everywhere I go, I set the tone,” Jason told the TV viewers. “I’m the leader. I want to stir things up, so everybody better watch out. I want to make sure that people get aggravated at each other and people talk smack, because that’s when people’s true feelings come out. If they want to bark at somebody, I’m like, let them bark at me.”
Jason was born into a troubled house. All he had was his father. His mother was in the far away land of Chicago, and she didn’t talk with him.
“Hah!” Survivor chortled. “You don’t put a lot of momma’s boys on your show, do you son?”
When Jason showed up at the bar everyone noticed how big his muscles were. Matt called him a Chippendale and right away he and Matt were competing to see who could do the best Chippendale dance. Jason made Matt look like an idiot by comparison, and quickly sized Matt up as a fool.
But the rest of the gang was coming to the same conclusion about Jason as well.
“This is officially a meathead,” Jordan told Michael. “We just can’t let these kind of kids get control of Eden.”
“The wild guys are kind of taking over, huh?” Michael responded.
“I’m going to do my best to eliminate that,” said Jordan.
Jason left to find his room. As soon as he was gone, Matt and Wallace laughed about him being a cheese ball.
But no sooner did Jason enter his room than he found THE APPLE there. It was a replica of the one that Survivor and The Bachelorette has eaten.
There was a necklace too.
The very next second, the evil hostess of the show, Ruth of England, was on the video phone.
Ruth said the apple would being Jason good, not evil, at least “possibly.” She told him a party would be held in his honor that night, and he would become Adam for the week. The following morning he would need to select one of the women as his Eve, and give her the necklace. “Choose carefully,” she warned. “Every act in Eden has it consequence.”
Survivor and The Bachelorette realized at this moment that their son, Forever Eden, was trying to dedicate this show to them, by reenacting one of the pivotal moments in their life. But they were very concerned about the evil nature of it.
Later, in the bar, when Jason told the guys that he had already received an apple, the men were shocked. Michael didn’t receive an apple until a few days into the show, when he was voted most desirable. The rest of them had never received an apple. What made Jason so special?
“I hope it’s a bad apple,” quipped Matt.
At the party, everyone was dressed up exotically, and seemed to be having a good time. Then Ruth the host showed up, and the mood turned sour. “This can’t be a good thing,” moaned one of the girls. “It never is,” said another.
She told them all that Jason would select one of the women to be his Eve, and that together they would decide who would be the next man to be banished from Eden.
There was a long silence after that.
After Ruth left, Jason went around to talk to all of the girls.
Forever Eden put together a quick montage at this point that his parents thought was pretty cool.
Jason takes Shawna aside. He says he wants to talk to her first because he’s kind of fond of her. She likes that. He said he didn’t know anyone there, so he was definitely going to need some help with the decision.
Cut to him and Liz. He tells Liz that he was attracted to her more than anybody.
Cut to him and Brooke. He tells Brooke, “I don’t care how hot you are, it’s personality that shows.”
Cut to him and Neveen. He shows her the necklace. “Would you want it if I gave it to you?” he asks.
“I don’t want anything that has to do with that hussy Ruth,” she says. “Too scary.”
Cut back to him and Brooke. “I don’t know. It’s a toughie. I don’t know,” she says.
Cut to him and Kassie. “Yeah, you’re screwed,” she said.
“I know,” he said.
Cut to him and Shawna. “Just go with your gut feeling.”
Cut to him and Kassie. “Go with your gut feeling.”
Cut to him and Liz. “Go with your gut feeling,” she said. “Did that help?”
“That helped a lot,” he said, “that was probably the best answer I got all night.”
“Cute,” thought Survivor.
Jason then told the TV audience that he liked making decisions. First day in, and he gets an apple and makes a decision. He wanted to do that more often. “I just want more apples and more decisions,” he said. “That’s how I am. Just bring it on.”
“Dream on!” Survivor thought.
Back at the party, the guys weren’t happy that someone who had just arrived was given such power. But they also groveled a little. “He’s still a cheeseball, but he’s also a nice guy,” Wallace said.
Matt begged the girls, “If you’re going to vote me out, I’m going to say it again, tell me. I don’t like to get hurt.... “
Watching Matt, Jordan laughed. “The bottom line is ... we have a drowning man amongst us ... and he senses he’s drowning.”
“Don’t hurt me. Don't hurt me,” Matt said again. “I’ll cry... “
“You’ll cry?” one of the girls asked.
“Yeah, I will dead cry,” he said.
Jordan told the TV audience, “In regards to Matt, he’s kind of taken care of himself. I think he feels like he’s going to go.”
Michael and David agreed that Matt was the one who was irking everybody.
David told the TV audience, “Like a lot of the guys I know back home, he’ll party with you and have a good time, but he’ll drink your beer and (bleep) your girl if he gets a chance.”
Later, Shawna asked Liz who she would vote off of if she got chosen as Eve. She said she couldn’t chose.
Jordan, who was also in the room, thought the easy choice would be Matt. “He senses his demise,” he said.
But Liz felt Matt still thought everyone was cool with him.
Jason told the TV audience he just arrived on the island and he didn’t know anybody, and yet now he had to make an assumption or a guess on who he should choose as his Eve, but he figured any girl on the island would be happy to be his eve.
Survivor grinned at another cute montage by his son, Forever Eden.
Liz told the TV audience, “I don’t want to be his eve. I don’t want to have to banish anybody.”
Matt said, “It’s power to one of the girls to oversee Eden with me.”
Brooke said, “I don’t want anything to do with him, or his necklace.”
Matt said, “It should be a privilege to them.”
Neveen said, “Do I want this necklace? (Bleep) no!”
At the end of the evening, Jordan gave Shawna the necklace.
The next day, Matt told the TV audience that he was definitely nervous. Shawna and Jason could send him packing, “and I don’t want to go home.”
Michael told the TV audience he’d been there from day one and he still couldn’t figure out Shawna. “I’ve seen different personalities from Shawna, so I think that I’m at risk. I think she’s going to pull off a shocker.”
In their first meeting in the morning, Shawna told Jason that she was thinking Jordan should go because he was always politicking everyone.
Survivor sighed. “That’s what the show ought to be about.”
But Shawna thought Matt was worse because he was always bothering everyone. “He just gets way out of control, and he gets on some of the guys’ nerves too,” she said.
Jason said he noticed that about Matt in the first few minutes. Then Jason patted himself on the back for being a good judge of character.
Shawna added that Matt was also talking about alliances a lot. ‘These people don’t like you. These people do like you.’
Jason said he wanted to go with Matt, Jordan or possibly Michael for banishment. “He’s the lady’s man. He’s been here since Day One, and he’s got the most cash,” he said of Michael.
Shauna asked him if that meant he thought he was the biggest threat. Matt said yes. But Shauna had a look on her face that said she didn’t approve of voting out Michael.
Matt was watching the conversation from afar. He and Michael, who are playing pool, said they didn’t get a good vibe from Jason.
But Matt said he felt very safe with Shawna. He gets a good vibe from her, “but maybe she’s hosing me.”
Michael said, “maybe she’s hosing a lot of us.”
Jordan was also worried. After the meeting, he took Shauna aside and asked for her assurances. Shauna told him he had nothing to worry about, but he wasn’t convinced.
Later, Jason told Matt and Wallace that he was thinking about bouncing either Jordan or Michael. “Michael’s the big dog and it’s better for him to vote out the big guy,” he said. “But Jordan is slippery.”
Jason said was trying to decide who vote vote him out versus who would save him later on in the game. Would it be the big dude (Michael) or the slippery guy (Jordan)?
At the dinner table, Jason huddled with four of the girls and repeated that he was thinking about voting out either Matt, Jordan or Michael.
Brooke was a little surprised that one of the guys could be Michael. Jason and Shawna excused themselves to talk it over.
At another table, Jordan and Matt were both scared that it was going to be them. Matt told him there would be a twist, but Jordan was worried that he would be the twist. Michael said he was certain Jason wanted him gone.
Jordan agreed. “It’s a power play,” he said. “Jason thinks he will be the mac daddy then.”
In their meeting, Shauna tells Jordan that earlier in the day she though it would be Matt that should be banished Now she thinks it’s Jordan, because of all the politicking that he does. Jason mentioned that he wanted Michael gone, but also would like Jordan to go.
Liz and the other girls sit around deplore the fact that Jason wanted Michael gone. Michael: the guy who was one of the best looking, and who all the girls liked. “This guy is playing with fire,” she said. “What a (bleeping) tool.”
Jason tells Shawna he will vote out whoever she wants. Shawna says she is trying to decide who she trusts more to help her stay there in the long run. She can’t decide.
“Who’s around you more? Who’s weaker?” asks Jason.
At the banishment ceremony, they pick Jordan. Obviously, Jordan was the one person they could both could agree on.
But when they said his name, they couldn’t even look at him.
Jordan, bitter, looked over at Shauna and said, “Keep looking forward, sweetheart!!!”
Jordan gave half his cash to Wallace, and left.
Shauna breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
Jordan, in a final confessional, said Shauna would get what’s coming to her because she’s a snake.
Later, Shauna told Brooke that she feels bad. She’s not good at this kind of stuff, she said.
“Jordan lashed out at me because I didn’t look him in the eyes. I don’t think I could look anyone in the eyes that I voted out,” she said. “This is a stupid, stupid game.”
“Amen to that,” Survivor says. “Why should one person decide who goes? Why can’t it be a group vote?”
After the banishment, Jason went to Michael and tried to explain his voting methods, but Michael didn’t have much to say to him.
Michael told the cameras later that Jason was playing the game very badly.
Matt then looks into the cameras and says, “guess what, for the second week it looked like I was the one to be voted out, but I wasn’t,”
Could Matt be an actor or a mole?
Next week, everyone has to pair up into couples. Is it getting to be more and more like Paradise Hotel?
“I hope not,” Survivor said. “I’d hate to see my youngest child die.”