LAST EDITED ON 05-02-06 AT 07:09 AM (EST)
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Previously on The Apprentice
Andrea was fired because she couldn't carry the ball into the endzone. She also never got signed to an NFL team in this weekends draft for much the same reason. In fact I never heard Mel Kiper Jr. mention her name as a prospect. No matter, though Allie should have been the one fired, it is proof once again that the Donald is touched in the head and losing it this season.
Upstairs in the Suite
Remember season one and how exciting it was when the Donald used the words "it's either up to the suite or down to the street"? Gosh that was sexy, it made the whole show sizzle. This season lacks the sizzle. Then again this season lacks the candidates too. There isn't anyone left that amounts to much, and both teams are so dysfunctional. Why couldn't they have cast Rebecca on this season instead of having to split two talented people into one apprenti last season? By the way, are we still fighting over the use of the term apprenti?
Back to the show, mmmmmm lobster for dinner as the fools from Gold Rush are in and waiting for the Synergists to arrive. I'd say they were waiting with baited breathe but who uses lobster for bait anyway? Where I come from it is $17.99 a pound.
Synergy is on the scene and Allie is POed at Sean for supporting Andrea. She accuses him of being a fence sitter. All this time I thought Sean had a natural wry grin, now I know the cause is a fence post in his butt. Allie admits to having no strategy whatsoever and is appalled that she discovered that Sean has one. Roxanne stands near a closet nodding and smiling on cue. (If you watch really closely you can see the nylon strings being pulled ever so slightly by Allie)
In the end Allie tries to kiss and make up, at least for the time being, by singing the Barney theme song to Sean. I love you, you love me, you just confuse the crap out of me.
The teams step off the elevator and on the other side in the boardroom the Donald is making small talk about golf and hair styling with Dennis Wagner CEO of Hair Cuttery (A world famous, yet nobody has ever heard of them before, hair salon chain) as Bill and Carolyn look on. It looks like Bill has been spending way too much time tanning lately, his nose is getting unseasonably dark.
The Donald welcomes the teams and brags about how many companies, clothing lines, fragrances etc that he has all over the world but that all people want to talk about is his hair. (A respectful laugh) He then asks for a volunteer to give a tug on his doo to prove once and for all that it is not a wig or a hairpiece. My hand was up in a flash, as I suspect most of the general audiences were, but no, he didn't pick me nor you. Charmaine was the lucky puller, and she confirmed with a smile that indeed his hair is real. I guess that means he won't be endorsing Rogaine or the hair club for men any time soon.
The task this week is for each team to get a brand new shiny hair salon that they need to have a grand opening for one day, whoever has the highest sales, wins.
These guys babble about everything. Sean has a target, Allie's ship is sinking. Blah, blah, blah. Yawn. Sean is ultra dramatic as he states boldly that he must not screw up. Double yawn. Tammy wants to be the PM just to bring the love back, put out the fires and all. Ugh.
Now that she is an expert in hair by tugging on the Donalds mane, Charmaine volunteers to be the PM for this task. Biggest problem? She can't make a decision and she can't get a concensus from the group of 3 men (Tarek, Lee, and Michael) Tarek wants Charmaine to pick a theme, but Charmaine doesn't think it is necessary. Finally they came up with the theme from the Partridge family Come On Get Happy. Wow, they all agreed and were happy!
Hello, world, here's the theme that we’re brewin’
C’mon get happy!
A whole lot of cuttin’ is what we’ll be doin’
We’ll make you happy!
We had a dream, we’d be stylin’ together,
We’d hand a few flyers then we’d keep movin’ on.
Somethin’ always happens whenever we’re together
We get a happy feelin’ when we’re doing a task.
Wor’kin’ along there’s a theme that we’re brewin’
C’mon get happy!
A Whole lot of cuttin’ is what we’ll be doin’
We’ll make you happy! (3X)
Don't applaud, just throw money. And lots of it too, I have a feeling they will need all the help they can get on this one.
Trumps Tip of the Week
Watch your back. (Everybody is your competition, so go after them- stay focused.)
Sean and Tammy are on the streets at night talking to people they run across and tell them about the exciting hair deals they can get tomorrow at the grand opening. Even more interesting (or nauseating) is that Sean is flirting terribly with Tammy, and she with him. Can I just say ew? I bet he isn't even really british he just watched all kinds of Hugh Grant videos in preparation for the Apprentice. That is all of them except for Mickey Blue Eyes. That would be strange to hear Sean trying to talk like a brit and talk like a mobster.
This team hasn't seemed to do much work on the task at hand and yet they all have time to stop for dinner and dish the other two. Roxanne and Allie have chinese food and Sean and Tammy fawn over each other while they share pizza. Is this an extension of immigrant day and they have all refused to work or something?
Even worse is that next Sean tells the camera and the world how wonderful and businessy Tammy is. He imagines that after the show they plan on being on the Amazing Race and then having CBS pay for and broadcast their wedding. Oh yes, and then have lots and lots of babies together. Well, he did say most of that.
The one good thing that Synergy has going for them is that Charmaine is on Gold Rush and is a total idiot. She is having the guys put all the shampoo and conditioners by family all lined up on the shelves instead of doing that later and hitting the streets to advertise while the people are still awake. That was Lee's idea by the way, not mine, but it did make some sense even though I think Lee is a world class skater that could give Tanya Harding a run for her money. (With or without her billy club)
The next morning Lee and Tarek go out to meet people face to face to advertise the salon but can't find any victims so instead they flood a parking lot by sticking bright yellow flyers under the windshield wipers. They only set off one car alarm though. Lee is certain that if only 2 people visit the store that received a flyer, they would win the task. I'd ask him what kind of drugs he was on, but I don't know him. Meanwhile Charmaine does her part by being a customer and getting her hair done, Michael does his part by watching her.
Allie sure knows her hair care products and is in her element as she upsells the "leave on" conditioner, the one with protein in it of course. Their salon is quite busy, even a baby getting his first haircut. Sean and Tammy are outside hugging. It's a good thing Sean feels the pressure and decided not to screw up.
The Board Room Part 1
The Donald chats with each team, "So how did you do". "Oh we did great" "How was the project manager" "Oh just ducky" "Caroline how did Synergy do?"
"Well, despite having only 2 team members contribute to the task they sold over $363 in products and a total of $1005.47"
Donald nods in pseudo admiration. "And Bill what about Gold Rush?"
"They were unorganized and only sold $700 worth."
The Donald shook his head and commented "Wow, you suck, that is a big loss. Synergy, you on the other hand won this in style, and so your reward should include something of high style. I am going to have you flown to Trump Plaza in Atlantic City where you will play baccarat and have some great food and drinks, you will be styling."
OK, now I know that wasn't the reward but don't you think it should have been? I mean come on, Burt Bacharach? Please, most people watching the show or reading this summary won't even know who he is. Roxanne sort of knew, but she had him confused with Barry Manilow because she said "He writes all the songs". If he has had over 473 hits then that is funny because I can only name one, "I'll Never Fall In Love Again".
The reward was that the team could sit with Burt at his piano in Steinway Hall and compose a song together. Even in a collaboration such as this, the team chemistry provided some additional drama as the DAWs bickered over the words. The torture was that they sang it and we had to listen, it was refuse.
Lee and Charmaine in the closet discussing strategy for the boardroom. Next was Lee talking with Tarek about strategy. Last but not least, he hit Michael up too. Ah yes, Lee the skater sharpening his blades preparing to get past the thin ice of the board room one more time.
The Board Room Part 2
The scene in here was really kind of stupid. Charmaine was a poor leader, Tarek was a poor follower. Lee was a great politician, Michael was loquacious and sincere in his convictions. Charmaine yelled, Tarek yelled, the Donald accused, Caroline probed "what was your plan", Bill's nose was still tan "Why did you get your hair done". It was crazy. In the end, the Donald fired Charmaine. Then he told her not to go yet.
The next part was pretty original as I have never heard the Donald disparage Mensa for having someone like Tarek as a member and that maybe Tarek was faking it. Tarek begged for one more chance, but the Donald had lost his patience. He fired Tarek too. After they left the board room, the Donald predicted that the two would be fighting in the cab the whole way home. Bill and Caroline each made their own trite overused comments "that wasn't easy"
The Cab Ride and Final Words
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce Simon and Garfunkel and their hit song The Sound Of Silence
Tarek and Charmaine didn't even look at each other. (Nice call Donald)