Can there be true love between a beauty and an Average Joe? Anna Chukova will decide this issue once and for all during tonight’s final episode of Average Joe - The Joes Strike Back. Will tonight be the night that Anna makes reality TV history and chooses the underdog Nathan over the handsome but sterile Rocky? Will The Joe’s finally strike back tonight? Will there be a riot? Is Nathan planning a surprise attack on an unsuspecting Rocky? Will he strike back against Anna instead? Have I done enough to create a false sense of suspense and mystery? We’ll find out during the next hour!
Last night, Anna narrowed down the field of men vying for her heart from five to two. We’re down to Rocky, the dreamer who is most likely dreaming that this show will jumpstart his acting career. Will he showcase his acting skills and his range of emotion during this finale? Then there’s Nathan, an aspiring, well…….. we really don’t know what he’s aspiring to other than to become Anna’s chosen life partner. Or at least the guy she chooses to hang out with after the show. I hope he’s at least aspiring to find out whether she’s a natural redhead or not. Let’s find out.
Rocky is making his way towards the waterfall where he and Anna had their last date. He has received a note instructing him to be there. He’s expecting to see Anna, but instead is greeted with a glimpse of what Anna may become in 20 years - it’s Anna’s mom, Halina. Rocky has a new emotion he wants to show us – shock! Halina has lots of questions for Rocky and wastes no time getting them out. Tell me about your dates with my daughter? Do you like my daughter? What are you expecting from her as a result of this show? Do you think a relationship with he would last in the real world? Are you wondering whether I’ve seen the tape of the softcore porn scene you and my daughter played out at this very location?
Rocky is stunned. You can tell because he is emoting. I’m sure he tried to learned this one in the advanced acting class, although the look on his face says “Where’s my script? Line please!” The director of “Whose Line Is It Anyway” places a call to Rocky’s agent and cancels Rocky’s audition because, sadly, Rocky has nothing to offer but one-word answers when faced with this uncomfortable improv situation. If he was with Anna, he’d just lean in for a long kiss so he wouldn’t have to speak. Fortunately, he correctly deduces that method wouldn’t be appropriate in this situation. Too bad, it would have been funny to see Rocky try and make out with Anna’s mom. Needless to say, Halina is not very impressed with Rocky. Rocky proudly proclaims to Halina that he doesn’t want to ever work a day in his life; he just wants to act. But lest we skeptics assume a lack of depth on Rocky’s part, we learn that he has a backup plan just in case acting doesn’t work out. He explains that his backup plan, if he’s unable to make a living as an actor, is to try…. acting, instead! No, that’s not a typo!
At the waterfall, Rocky and Halina agree that it’s a very romantic location. Rocky is distracted by the memories of his date with Anna here, which is unfortunate because Rocky really needs to focus on the task at hand, lest he say something stupid. Mom continues the questioning, which is how we find out Rocky that has been unfaithful to girlfriends in the past. The impact is not positive!. Rocky has not scored many points on this date - that’s for sure. I’m guessing it’s the least he’s scored on a date in a long time.
Nathan is Halina’s next victim. She picks him up on a Jet Ski, which she’s riding like a pro! This makes her a pretty cool Mom, if you ask me. I wonder if she’s married? Nathan is excited to discover that this is Anna’s mom. He tells us that he may not match up well against Rocky in basketball, but he’s good with mothers. He is confident this situation will give him the upper hand. Indeed, Nathan is great with Anna’s mom. She likes his career goals, his devotion to his family and that he’s never cheated on a girlfriend. What more could a Mom want for her daughter? He schmoozes her by fawning over the family pictures. Oh yes, this guy is definitely good with mothers! There’s no question who the winner of this competition is.
Anna meets her mom at the beach. I think she didn’t know her mom was going to be there because she looks quite surprised. Mom says she’ll respect whatever decision Anna makes, but prefers Nathan. When Mom tells Anna where she went with the guys, Anna laughs and hopes they didn’t do the same things she did, especially in the waterfall with Rocky. Anna is shocked to find out that Rocky was a cheater. It gives her something to think about. In the end, Mom tells Anna to follow her heart. Blech! I hate that particular sentiment!
Anna confronts Rocky about his cheating ways and he blames it on low self-esteem. Pardon me while I vomit. How about just admitting you were being a horndog who didn’t really care about the consequences of his actions? We get more daytime soap opera softcore action as Anna and Rocky have a contest to see who can gulp down more spit. Rocky’s agent is, no doubt, splicing this scene onto Rocky’s audition tape for future use. I must say, they certainly know how to kiss. He spends the rest of the date trying to convince Anna he really likes her for real, but it’s hard to listen to a word he says and not think he’s acting. I think he considers this his first really challenging acting job. Not bad for a rookie, Rocky!
Nathan will get the final date with Anna. Frankly, Rocky didn’t set the bar very high. He’s a good kisser but hopefully Anna is looking for just a little more than that. The date doesn’t start out well. Nathan is not acting himself and they are not clicking with each other. He’s having a hard time being himself. Their big date involves a trip to a pineapple farm where they pick their own pineapple. Nathan says they should save their pineapple for pina coladas later. They hike up “Magic Mountain” which affords a beautiful view of the Tahitian shore. Nathan doesn’t want things to be over with him and Anna, so he brings out the heavy artillery, quoting a poem from his favorite author about directing the course of love. It has the desired effect on Anna who sees the substantive difference between Rocky and Nathan. Nathan says the biggest difference is that Rocky is beefcake while he’s a cupcake. Heh!
Later in the date, we learn that Anna actually saved “their pineapple” and Nathan likes that. In a private moment, Nathan is finally able to open up to Anna and tell her that he’s always been the different one; the guy people think is weird. Anna tells him that in school she was the ugly duckling. I don’t believe that for a minute, unless she’s talking about a couple months in the 7th grade when everyone was the ugly duckling. At any rate Nathan is finally able to open up to Anna. He wants to spend more time with her.
Here’s the Bottom Line
1. Rocky claims to really like Anna. He also wants to be an actor and this may be just another audition.
2. Nathan really likes Anna, but thinks she’s out of his league. He’s probably right.
3. Anna wants to grope Rocky, but doesn’t care much for him otherwise.
4. Anna likes Nathan but isn’t really attracted to him. She thinks she’s out of his league, but is too polite to say so.
5. She claims it will be a tough decision.
Just like that, we’re at the dock where Anna will announce her decision. Tonight’s show has moved along quickly, and I’m a little disappointed because there hasn’t been much snarkworthy material. Maybe I’m just losing my touch. Sigh!
As the first limo door opens I’m pulling for Nathan to be the winner, just like I’m supposed to. In reality, we don’t know enough about this guy to really care much one way or another. Rocky is the first one out of the limo. If memory serves me correctly, the first guy is always the dumpee, so my hopes are high. Sure enough, Anna gives Rocky the quick brush off. Rocky digs deep within himself to find an emotion suitable for this occasion. He decides he should act distraught. I can’t tell the difference between his distraught look and his “looks longingly into her eyes” look, but I’m no talent scout. Surely a network executive will see his brilliance and offer him a nice dramatic role - maybe even his own show! I think he’d be perfect for a supporting role in the next version of “Who Wants to Marry My Dad?”
This means that Nathan is the winner! Average Joes around the world are rejoicing. Yay, we all rejoice! That is how we’re supposed to react, right?
One nice touch - the camera captures Nathan exiting the limo and walking towards Anna to hear of his fate. The camera shot takes us through the window of the short bus to which Rocky’s been relegated, and we see him weeping in the foreground. I wonder if it’s him or if they got a body double.
Anna is happy to tell Nathan of her decision, but warns him that it’s very much just a “friends first” kind of thing, which is fine by Nathan. In other words, there isn’t a chance in hell that Nathan will be able to tell us whether she favors the Brazilian wax that’s become so popular with young ladies nowadays. Anna picks Nathan and asks if he would like to sail off in the sunset with her. The poetry goes out the window as he gives her his answer: “Hell yah!” They sail away, together.
The credits give us a brief recap of where the other contestants are now, in the manner of Animal House or Stripes. Here’s what we learn:
Rocky has a Days Of Our Lives audition.
Carson and Mike are named Reality TV’s hottest couple.
Dante is rumored to be dating Paris Hilton.
Himbo Josh reportedly has stopped crying from his rejection by Anna.
What fun this has been, although the finale was more something to endure than enjoy. If you want to know more about the Average Joes, Nathan, and what became of reality TV’s newest couple, be sure to check out the Average Joe forum, right here at Reality TV World!
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