Official Summary: Average Joe 4, Episode 5: Kissing Anna
Welcome to the second to last episode of Average Joe. Last week, a bunch of stuff happened, and SilverStar told you all about it here.
This week, the final four will be heading to Tahiti with Anna. But wait! What about our madeover Joes? We certainly can’t leave without them! So, we hear the Six Million Dollar Man music (hopefully for the last time – that got old fast, I tell you) while watching snippets of the makeovers, some more extreme than others. In particular, Nick got some liposuction. Liposuction makes me squeamish when I watch it. I mean, lookit what they’re doing: ramming a vacuum into his face. Ew.
And here are the opening credits. How long did it take to get to the beginning?
So we are in a limo with Anna, Rocky, HunkJosh, AverageJosh and Arthur. They are wondering why it’s taking so long to get to the airport. The limo driver pulls up to the place with the fountains that we’ve seen a million times in the precaps and Anna gets out. She is no dummy and knows that since she was told to look at the fountain, that there will be something on the other side. Of course, we know it will be the madeover Joes making their dramatic comebacks. Go Joes!
Cut to the limo: Arthur sees someone wearing a suit. All the boys are straining to see what they can. They think he looks familiar. Anna is perplexed. He’s walking up. Oh, the anticipation! Cut to Anna and the fountains. The water drops abruptly and all we have is a man walking calmly and confidently towards Anna. He is accompanied by not-quite-porno music. It’s AverageOtherJosh! “Jesus has been resurrected as a GQ model,” says Arthur, getting a giggle from me. Much to her credit, Anna eventually recognizes him and remembers his name. Good for her. She says he’s hot.
The fountain springs back to life. Who will be next? One of *her* old guys? Or someone else?
And it’s Nathan! He’s looking dapper in his suit and tie. His music is kind of a dum-dum-dum-dum bass thing. Nathan feels more confident now. He walks to the place where the Joes have been told to walk to after they see Anna.
“The Fountains of Fate once again spout.” Arthur amuses me.
It’s Nick! He gets the porno music too. He also strides confidently towards Anna. As with the Joes before him, shots of Nick first getting off the bus are shown, as well as a couple confessional interview shots, for the full before-and-after effect. Although, I don't see a big difference with Nick.
Arthur says that maybe if he gets plastic surgery to fix his bags, he’ll be more of a catch.
Last but not least, here’s Dante. He gets Superman-like music. Everyone seems pretty happy to see him – Anna, the guys in the limo. Anna says that for some reason, she saw Dante and just cried. Clearly the makeover crew didn’t address his foot odour problem. He says that he would do anything for a second chance with Anna.
Anna thinks that it is great that the guys have been given a chance to change, not just for her, but for themselves. Dammit. More points for Anna. Pfft. She actually seems like a nice girl. I believe that she cares. The chick is supposed to be a superficial floozy and Anna just isn’t. I really dislike her for that.
Of the four, I think Nathan and AverageMessiahJosh look the most different.
Now we are all over by the limo. Anna must choose one of these four madeover Joes to accompany her and the guys in the limo to Tahiti. Who will it be? OK, not fond of this concept. You’ve been rejected once. How about being rejected twice? Whee!
Arthur is trying to listen by putting a glass up to the window. He says that trick doesn’t work. Arthur is getting the Make Seana *snort* edit this episode.
Anna chooses Nathan, who walks forward, smiling with his new teeth. Dante, being a good guy, gives Nathan a pat on the back.
Oh look, it’s Tahiti. Purty. Anna will go on a private date with each guy.
The Date with Rocky
Anna and Rocky go mountain biking. They come to a stream that may be what, a foot deep. Uh-oh, says Rocky. They walk across. Perhaps that wasn’t the dramatic moment he thought it would be. They comment about the water being cold, not like the hot tub. We see them in the hot tub, holding each other by the face, ‘cause that’s the most romantic way to kiss someone, and it looks good, if you want to put “romantic kissing” on your actor’s resume, not that I’m implying that Rocky would do something like that. He’s very genuine, I’m sure.
Anna brings up Rocky’s aspiration to acting. He replies that acting is his dream. Actors are dreamers, he says. Let’s play the Rocky Drinking Game. When Rocky mentions dreaming or dreams, take a shot….starting now! Rocky tells us that even actors want to find a nice girl. Fair enough. He says…
OK, missed most of that.
What does he like to do? asks Anna. Anything he hasn’t done. That’s real specific, there. She doesn’t like his plan-free outlook.
They have a picnic at a romantic waterfall. Anna comments that Rocky is quiet. Some damn clumsy editing here, where they cut all the sound, but you can see that Anna is talking and Rocky is nodding, which doesn’t prove that he doesn’t talk, only that he can listen.
Anna (accompanied by cheesy soap-opera-ish music and shots of Rocky being "Himself") comments that Rocky seems like he’s acting in a soap opera. I concur, like it matters what I think.
So a buncha stuff and off to the pool in front of the waterfall to make out in the most esthetically pleasing way possible. This involves a lot of face-holding. Maybe there’s some acting rule about that.
The Date with AverageJosh
AverageJosh and Anna go kayaking. Josh shows Anna how it’s done, which is good, she says. Then they go snorkeling, hand in hand. Aw. Not much talking here.
They go back to one of the bungalows, where Josh spills milk on Anna while serving tea. They go out to watch the waves and kiss a bit. Anna confesses that Josh doesn’t need to keep thanking her. He feels passionate about her.
The Date with HunkJosh
Anna and HunkJosh go on an Aqua Safari. This makes me miss my old work computer with the browser Safari. *sniff*
Anyway, they put on big deep-sea diving helmet things and hang out with stingrays. Josh says there is something there, because when they see each other, they have great big smiles.
Josh seems a bit more genuine that Rocky, IMO. He says that Anna is someone he wants to be with. He even grabs a piece of coral to give her to remember him by. Later on, they snuggle and then kiss.
Josh speaks like a human being working without a script, but he does hold her face while kissing her.
The Date with Nathan 2.0
Nathan and Anna go jetskiing. Anna says Nathan is glowing. Nathan says he feels more confident. He is going to show her that he may be quiet, but he can still be fun. He’s already been cut once, so he’s got nothing to lose. Nathan drives the jetski at first, but then Anna takes over. She is a wild and crazy girl.
They retire to the resort and have cocktails on lounge chairs out in a shallow pool. Nathan and Anna talk. Nathan seems comfortable, Anna looks interested.
They gaze at each other. It’s a contest, apparently. There is some awkward talk about shoes and they head on over to the big rock in the middle of the pool, which I think was in the opposite direction of the shoes. Does he know what she’s thinking? Nathan 2.0, being new and improved and more adventurous now, goes in for the kiss…and is rewarded with a kiss. A nice one, by both accounts.
That rock, says Nathan, is a great place to have a first kiss.
The Date with Arthur
We see Arthur getting ready for the date. He brings flowers, but not red roses, which would scare her off. It is sunset. The scenery is gorgeous.
Anna and Arthur go for a walk on the beach. How come Arthur doesn’t get an action date? No fair. So anyway, they’re walking along and Anna steps on a bee and gets stung. I must say, she takes it like a trooper. She has to stop to deal with it, because it hurt, but she doesn’t get all whiny and stuff, which would have been better ‘cause then I could have mocked her for being a big sissy. Whatever.
OK, so Arthur goes to get a pair of tweezers and causes the half-dozen technicians following them to scatter to get out of the shot. *snort* He gets out most of the stinger, but claims that the little bit left will work itself out. Anna says he is her hero.
Arthur talks a lot and chokes himself up. Sadly, he mentions the ex. Oh, damn. Nice knowing you, Arthur.
They have cocktails on the beach and watch the sun set. They kiss. Anna looks like she’s going to fall out of that dress. Arthur has gotten her a pearl to remember him by.
They finish the night off with a massage.
Now, I’m going to go out on a limb here and actually say nice things about Anna for kissing all the boys. In previous seasons, when the girl saw a Joe moving in, she’d deflect him with varying degrees of sensitivity. But Anna, she makes an effort to get to know each guy as well as she can and make an informed choice.
Anna must now say good-bye to 3 of her suitors. Oh, the poor thing, she’s so sad. I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic.
She tearfully bids farewell to:
”She was the right girl. She was everything I want in a woman, except the part where she likes me back.”
Anna says that the kiss of death for Josh was that he put her on a pedestal and thanked her too much. Guys, take notes. Chicks dig guys who show no appreciation and don’t try to make them feel special. (OK, I see her point. Yes, better to be a partner. Fine. That’s very reasonable.)
Apparently, there are no tour busses on Tahiti, so Josh goes to a covered jeep thing. Classy. He knows how to open the back and lift the flap and everything. Was there a tutorial before the elimination? Must be. Too bad, it might have been funny to watch them try to figure out where the bus was or how to get in the damn jeep thing. Yes, I suppose I am a big meanie.
”I’m confused as all hell. I don’t know why my name was called. I have no idea. The feelings I had for her were completely real. They were completely real and I feel that they just got stepped on…It was too good to be true.“
He cries and is very upset. Oh! Remember in a previous season, that Italian guy who cried like a baby when he got cut? That was funny, too. Wait. I’m not laughing. That would be mean. And Josh is a nice-seeming guy. At least, he is a real-seeming guy.
Anna feels that she has a better spark with Rocky.
She can barely spit out the name of the last to be cut. Looooooooong pause. She says:
”It has been a journey that I will never forget. We may not have walked off together into the sunset, embarking on a wonderful relationship, but Anna is probably one of the most important women in my life because I was able to open my hear again.“
Anna seems genuinely distressed. She says that Arthur was the hardest to cut, because he was so sincere and poured his heart out to her. However, she knows they’re “not in the same place”. I feel that Anna is perceptive.
The jeep thing pulls away. Sad music plays. Anna sniffles.
So it’s Rocky vs. Nathan in the big finale! There will be twists and turns! Someone’s heart will break. Who will it be? Will anyone care? Stay tuned!
Editted for spelling