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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
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As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"Kim's Daddy Dearest"
Juliejo 477 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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04-25-06, 12:12 PM (EST)
 
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1. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
According to everything that Kim has said about the monster he is alive and well. She talks to him occassionally. I dont' know what has stopped her from telling him off but good. He is a coward and gutless wonderand he is no man and no father to do to Kim what he did. I hope What goes Around comes Around and he gets his. I am all for Kim and I hope and pary she has all the happiness she deserves. She gets an A plus in my book for doing so well on SO. I know quite well the devestation Child abuse does to people. God Bless Kim.
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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-25-06, 12:15 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
I still find it amazing how much blame she gives to Mom and how little goes to Dad. Even at graduation everyone was talking about how far she had to go to forgive Mom and have a relationship with Mom and yet she still talks with the monster that actually did the crimes. She is an interesting contradiction, Kim. Mom is a monster for dropping you off but the one who did the actions its OK to have a relationship with him?
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pmfmpls 149 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-25-06, 12:38 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
I think Kim blames Mom because she (somehow) knows and trusts that mom loves her. I would imagine she is still scared to death of dad.It is much like an adolescent telling mom, "I hate you"!!! They know that mom doesn't take it to heart. I think Kim has phone calls, but NO real relationship with her dad. She can't trust him, and doesn't in her heart. Perhaps she fears cutting off contact with him. Who knows what threats she heard growing up? Despite her age, she is still an abused child, and abused kids have been given a very skewed perspective on relationships, and relating to others. Look at the abused kids who protect their parents! I feel sad for Kim. I think she's made great progress, but has far to go. She can't stop "unlearning" the bad stuff, or she will regress to that terrible point again. I wish her well. I hope she can finally rely on her mom, and I hope that her mom is reliable. They really need counseling together.
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DivineWine 0 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "New Member"
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04-25-06, 12:20 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
I admire Kim so much for facing what she went through during her childhood (& I have a feeling she left out more embarrassing episodes). He "dad" (a term I use loosely) should be made to sit & watch every single show that Kim is in. Only a monster wouldn't see the agony on her face as she talks about her childhood. But, again, some people are born without that ability to feel & understand love & compassion. I have a feeling he is living in a Hell of his own. I am so proud of Kim & what she's accomplished & the cherry on the top was the tribute Dr. Stan gave to her yesterday. Wow, I've never seen a more sincere & heartfelt speech . God Bless you Kim, & may your life be filled with peace & love from now on....you have earned it.
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elgin 94 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"
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04-25-06, 01:22 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Hopefully if he is alive, he is so remorse filled, has come to know his higher power, and makes some true attempt to rectify what he has done. He truly destroyed a little helpless terrified girl. The bastard!!
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Juliejo 477 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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04-25-06, 02:14 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
I am sure the Monster was asked to come to the SO house and he refused. When Kim's mother agreed to be on the program that is all Kim had to work with. I think Melinda was sorry for ever leaving Kim with the monster. I doubt if Kim's dad is interested in anything Kim is doing in her life. I got the feeling he refused to allow Kim's mother to have Kim backwhen she did come to get her just to hurt Melinda and not because he wanted Kim. I got the impression that he and Kim dont' have a relationship but that they have a once or twice a year telephone conversation that is probably superfical. Dr. Stan said it all when he gave his speech and for one moment in time Kim had the father she had always wanted. I hope she and her mother can work it all out and that she finds the happiness she desires.
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kalalala 75 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"
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04-25-06, 03:25 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
According to another board where several people who know Kim post, she has a good relationship with her dad. He is very much in her life, they visit back and forth often, and he was the first person called after she had Jax. Her relationship with her mother is not quite how it was portrayed either. She didn't just 'find' her mother at age 21. She has been in sporadic contact with her all along, and had visited and talked to her on more than one occasion. But all this monster stuff makes for better t.v. I gues..
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Cleverone 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-25-06, 05:43 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
LAST EDITED ON 04-25-06 AT 05:46 PM (EST)>According to another board where several
>people who know Kim post,
>she has a good relationship
>with her dad. He
>is very much in her
>life, they visit back and
>forth often, and he was
>the first person called after
>she had Jax. Her
>relationship with her mother is
>not quite how it was
>portrayed either. She didn't
>just 'find' her mother at
>age 21. She has
>been in sporadic contact with
>her all along, and had
>visited and talked to her
>on more than one occasion.
> But all this monster
>stuff makes for better t.v.
>I gues.. You Know Kalalala, I always had the suspicion that Kim was not completely honest about her relationships with her parents...there was something missing....and not having her father visit the SO house was never explained...did he refuse or what (they've mentioned the likes of this type of situation before, why not now?) I believe Kim focused more on Melinda after becoming a mother herself and loving her son stirred up "the why's and how comes" of her mother abandoning her...I believe these questions surfaced and Kim couldn't understand how Melinda could do that to her....therefore caused her to spin out of control...I hope she found her answers and can move on with her own family. I'm sorry her abusive father didn't show up for her...and quite frankly, I'm confused as to how she can still have a relationship with him after everything Kim alledged happened...I'm perplexed on that issue.
****************************
"I walk in my own shoes..."
****************************
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BeeBe 41 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
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04-25-06, 06:05 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
"According to another board where several people who know Kim post, she has a good relationship with her dad. He is very much in her life, they visit back and forth often, and he was the first person called after she had Jax. Her relationship with her mother is not quite how it was portrayed either. She didn't just 'find' her mother at age 21. She has been in sporadic contact with her all along, and had visited and talked to her on more than one occasion. But all this monster stuff makes for better t.v. I gues.. "I've seen that stuff and it is, IMO, obviously phoney The writer - whose writing is pretty much the same but sometimes the person pretends to be different people - has a very clear anti-Kim agenda. He ultimately admitted that what he "knew" about the so-called relationship between Kim and the "father" he knew FROM the "father" and he had never spoken to Kim about her father. When thsi writer was asked for further details about Kim, he became weirdly angry and accusatory and never showed up again. There was growing suspicion that the writer WAS the "father" or a friend of his, trying to undermine Kim as an abuser might be expected to do. I don't question what Kim reported and saw no reason to do so. Based on Dr. Stan's comments and review of her history, there is likely even more to it that they chose not to reveal. I doubt that many people in Kim's position would have someone who beat her black and blue and threatened to kill himself in front of her, come over to help in her "heaing" at the SO House. The man is either severely mentally ill or evil or both. No good would come of it for Kim. As for the "mother" who abandoned Kim, she was only on the show because the show sprang it on Kim. The anger at the mother is, to me, understandable, because the mother has a facade of decency, unlike the father and the mother was sane and rational enough to escape Kim's father - but heartless enough not to take Kim with her.
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Labyrinth 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-28-06, 05:02 PM (EST)
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47. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
>I found this to be the
>worse part of the whole
>travesty...this was what I feel
>spurred Kim into the So
>house...after becoming a mother, she
>couldn't fathom leaving her child
>in a situation like this Uh, please correct me if I'm wrong and all, but did not KIM LEAVE HER SON with an ALCOHOLIC? Did she not go off about how she feared for Jax and his safety with his alcoholic dad. So either she feared for Jax's safety and left him with someone dangerous. Or Kim was a liar. Which is it? A liar or someone, just like her mother, who is selfish and ego-driven? Liar or Egotist? Kim didn't run home to save Jax did she? Nope she stayed at the SO house for several more weeks. Did she call anyone to check on Jax? Not that we know of. We also know that she lived with Melinda - the hated mom - for at least a year - we also know that Melinda has told Kim and did tell Kim why she left Kim and never did Kim accept it. She was still crying "why? universe, why?" at the end of SO. Personally I expect she is in regular communication with Dear Old Dad. I have a close friend who was sexually abused by her father, he has never admitted to it - and she went home when he was critically injured in a car wreck. Family relationships are complex. Kim, from all the actions I saw, which I'm sure were not all of the, is a borderline neglect and abuser herself. She will be following in dad's footsteps if she doesn't get REAL counseling soon. 
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ChristinaJB 158 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-25-06, 11:57 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Yeah, it's hard to deem who seems 'worst' - the mom or the dad.
I see that the dad was probably very screwed up...I mean, seriously, anyone that lives in those horrible conditions, beats his kid and then puts a gun to his chest is obviously severely tormented. NOT that it is an excuse by ANY MEANS whatsoever. But, to have compassion for him and to try to understand is all we can do.
The mom on the other hand, knew better. I'm sorry, I know she was pretty 'broken' too, we almost all are right? But she KNEW what she was doing when she dropped Kim off with that bastard, and then just walked away...whether or not she had spuratic communication, etc. She threw Kim to the wolves and knew it. I just can't fathom that.My heart just bleeds for Kim. When I think of what she went through, I just can't help but tear up.
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Lanna42 263 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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04-26-06, 11:09 AM (EST)
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22. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Baxtera I hear what your saying.No one is trying to minimize the role in the abuse that BOTH these parents played. But Kim's Father certainly took center stage in it and from what has been said Kim has not held him accountable.And I also think that the fact that Melinda herself was a victim of domestic violence was glossed over and never addressed.This seems irresponsible to me and egregious.In trying to explain why she left Kim with her Father Melinda said she was afraid of this man.She felt intimidated by him.Yet this was just brushed off as if it were nothing.There is such a thing as battered women's syndrome and it is a real psychological condition.I think Kim's Mother suffered from that.Not that this excuses leaving Kim with her Father but it does explain it.I DO think Melinda took an unfair portion of the blame in this process and that should be corrected by Kim.SO gave little mention of him except to detail ad infinitum his abuse.I'm sure people who know those two will have a lot of questions.It has been publicly disclosed what he did.One of the main components of abuse is the secretiveness of it.The victim keeps the abuse a secret for the abuser.The abuser wants to be portrayed in most cases as a gentle,kind soul who wouldn't hurt a fly.He won't be able to do that if he has been anymore.
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Juliejo 477 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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04-26-06, 11:29 AM (EST)
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23. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Melinda left Kim with Daddy Dearest because she wanted to be with another man. Plain and Simple. She also told that to Kim three times as I recall. She knew he was abusive but her new boyfriend didnt want Kim around so Melinda left her. Melinda came to the SO house to try and make amends to Kim ( it cant' be done ) for what she had done, Daddy Dearest didnt. He of course is the abuser and Melinda is the deserter.
You cant make anyone be accountable for their actions unless they are willing and I believe that Daddy Dearest is probably in total denial and has no intention of addressing the problem with Kim or anyone else for that matter. He knew he was beating and starving and hurting a child but he didnt care. So what makes anyone think he cares now? HE doesnt' give a rip. Again I say Dr. Stan said it all when he gave his speech at Kim's graduation.
We can all speculate but in the end unless Daddy Dearest comes forward there is nothing that Kim can do about him. From what Kim said during her time in the SO house she has next to nothing of a relationship with him. What good would it do her to try and have it out with him if he isnt willing to listen. Besides form the sounds of what he did to Kim during her childhood he has a screw loose somewhere. As far as comparing Kim to Melinda there is no comparison and that is that. Kim did the best she could and I wish her well and God Bless her and I hope she and Jeff and Jax live happily ever after. We only heard bits and pieces of Kim's childhood and it was probably so much worse than we can imagine. It was bad enough that Dr. Stan got
chocked up and actually cried. That speaks volumes doesnt it?
PEACE
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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-26-06, 12:10 PM (EST)
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24. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Kim doesn't get a pass when she says she's frightened that her child isn't safe with her acholic husband who passes out and she leaves him with her husband to come to the SO house. Either she's lying about Jeff to get attention, which I believe, or she like her Mother left a situation to get what she needed abandoning her child. She can't have it both ways. She told stories about Jeff being passed out drunk while caring for Jax. That is neglect it doesn't matter whether it equals Kim's or not, it isn't a contest. The point is she either is telling the truth about her husband neglecting the child and she still chooses to abadon him to him or she's lying about Jeff. Ms. Kim's stories don't all add up.
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DCRealityWatcher 27 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
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04-26-06, 02:05 PM (EST)
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25. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Kim's stories may never add up. We're not only seeing small, edited portions of them, and she's probably confused herself. I, too, grew up in a violent home, and I really blanch when I see someone letting Melinda off the hook -- that may not be the intention, that's how it comes across to me. When I was fifteen, she finally left my dad after years of terror and after she'd been using me as her bodyguard. After the restraining order, etc., she started making the three of us kids go see my dad on weekends, even though we begged not to go. He eventually hit my 11 year old sister with a coffee table during a two week summer visit, and when we'd sneak out at night to find a payphone and call her in tears, begging for her to come get us, she wouldn't. She said we couldn't upset him since then he wouldn't make the house payment. She said the same thing when I refused to see him after he tried to cut the brake fluid lines on our car. Even crazier, he wasn't making his half of the payments, and we would have been homeless without my grandparents intervening anyhow. Was my mother broken by years of abuse? Yes. I'm sure Melinda was too. In both cases, though, they were the adults who needed to take responsbility for their children's safety - period. I doubt Kim left her son in a situation where she was genuinely afraid for his safety. Think there's more that we didn't hear.
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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-26-06, 03:14 PM (EST)
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26. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
See once again though more blame placed here on Mom than Dad. My Mom also married an abuser, my Dad. She is a completely useless shell. I tried as an adult to have a conversation with her about why she allowed these things to happen to us and frankly she has no idea and no willingness to accept responsibilty or to understand the scars that were left by her husband. He broke her. However, I do accept the reality is that the scars inflicted were done by my father. He is the one who broke her and attempted to break me. Should she have resisted more, tried harder to protect us, done more? I don't know, I've never had an abusive husband so I truly can't say how long I'd last before I too, broke down and stopped trying to protect the kids. However, I have never lost sight of the fact the true abuser is not the one who broke and didn't defend me it was the one who was in fact the abuser. If he hadn't been an abuser, I wouldn't have required a defender. If he had been a normal loving father, I wouldn't have a broken mother.
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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-26-06, 03:40 PM (EST)
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28. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
One thing that was clearly lacking in all this stuff with Kim is an understanding of battered/abused women and how it manifests itself differently in adult women vs. children. Kim understands how it effected Kim the child but cannot perceive at all how a grown women would react to it. My biggest frustration with my mother after all these years is the denial, not even the inaction anymore. I have come to terms after studying and reading about how abuse effects women in marriage why she didn't act but it puzzles me after all these years why she stays and why she never acknowledges the abuses. It would have made sense if they wanted Kim to have a reconcilliation with her mother to give her the tools to understand why women who are broken through abuse might turn to achol, men, and anything else to escape the pain, shame, and guilt that comes even after the abuser is gone. We don't know if Melinda ended up in any additional abusive relationships which also can be a pattern with abused women. There truly is only one person to blame for Kim's abuse and that is her father. It bothers me that this wasn't more fully addressed as it does seem common that people often blame those who failed to rescue them over those who did the actual abuse. Melinda deserves no medals and no praise for her motherhood skills. Those probably disapperared with the beatings, the bruises and the achol she used to numb the pain. Her biggest mistake was marrying an abuser. Did she know it when she married him? Who knows. Kim's biggest issue is projecting problems onto people. Kim has a problem with her Dad but since she can't get to him give it to Mom. She has a problem with achol give it to Jeff. She wasn't loved as a child project it on to Jax that he loves Jeff more than her. Hopefully as we progress as a society there will be more avenues for kids who are in need to get help. I know there were virtually none when I was growing up. "We weren't that kind of town." Sadly for Kim that help wasn't available when she needed it, nor was it for me either.
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Lanna42 263 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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04-26-06, 04:02 PM (EST)
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29. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Wow.......well said Baxtera.Thanks for sharing all that.I hope your finding some healing for yourself after what you've been through.I don't think they could even scratch the surface of dealing with all the complicated issues that surround domestic violence and its victims in telling Kim's story.But hopefully it opened up the lines of communication for some people and got people thinking of things they can do.Visibility really makes a difference.These things to often hide in the secrecy of shame and silence.People isolate themselves and they don't need to.Hope that changes along with a lot of other things. I've enjoyed the dialogue with you.
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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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04-26-06, 04:15 PM (EST)
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30. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Baxtera, even though I disagree with your evaluation of Kim, I can appreciate where you are coming from. I don't think any of us disagree with you that the father should be held accountable. He may have made himself unavailable, may have denied that the abuse ever took place. I just don't think Dr. Stan could be that duped by one woman. I agree with other posters that there was much more to her story than what we saw or knew.I had a friend who was sexually abused by her father. She confronted him as an adult and his reply to her was he didn't know what she was talking about and that he never abused her. We have all seen this same reaction from abusers shown on news magazine programs (20/20, etc.). This may very well have been the same for Kim. I also think Kim was unwise to make comments concerning Jeff and alcohol. There is a clear problem in that household where alcohol is concerned and I pray that they can work it out for the best for the whole family. But I don't think she really believed that she left Jax in unsafe hands. I know it has been posted on other boards that Kim has a close relationship with this man but that person has (in my opinion) proven himself a phoney posting lies in order to stir up conversation on the forum. As I was reading it I realized that he would never have been allowed to continue unchecked on this forum as he was on the other forum. The clear purpose of his posting was to incite friction and disagreement among the posters. It really had nothing to do with truth as it pertains to Kim. My prayer is that Kim can dig deep and find the same strength you, Lanna42, and others have found to go on and live productive and happy lives. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. 
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
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jonimoni 136 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-26-06, 05:27 PM (EST)
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31. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
LAST EDITED ON 04-26-06 AT 05:28 PM (EST)I really believe that the reason they did not talk about the father more was because Kim had already come to terms with the dad. They had worked out some semblance of a relationship and Kim had come to see him as he is. They already worked out the stuff in their past, but with the mother no such arrangement had been made. She came on the show, in part, to deal with the abandonment by her mom, the dad stuff was already dealt with, to an extent. The mom, was so in denial of her part in Kim's life. This woman chose her new man over her child and never looked back. The mom thinks now that it is over, get over it. No 'I'm sorry', no contrition, just get over it. We don't know what Kim has discussed with dad, we don't know how they got over the past, but they obviously have. The mom has done NO work to win her child's affection back and seems unwilling to do any. edited for spelling, sorry!
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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-26-06, 06:01 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
I still think Kim has projected her anger towards her father on to her mother. I didn't see any great healing or releasing of pain just a transference from blaming the one who was there, Dad, to the one who wasn't Mom. It's kind of the opposite of what some children do in creating a hero of the missing parent and demonizing the one who stays and is normally the caring nuturing parent. I don't see Kim as having dealt with Daddy dearest but just found a way to blame it on someone she can dominate, Mom.
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Cleverone 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-26-06, 06:41 PM (EST)
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34. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
LAST EDITED ON 04-26-06 AT 06:48 PM (EST)Hi Jonimoni ...I beg to differ with you here, Kim sought out her mother at the age of 21 (according to her story) and lived with her for a while...so if she was able to come to terms with her father's abuse and work thru her issues with him before coming to SO, why didn't this same thing happen with Melinda?? I, like Baxtera, feel that Kim chose to project the abuse onto her mom because her dad's a nut case or she's afraid of him and since Melinda's handy and obviously feeling very guilty, Kim has decided to abuse Melinda to make her pay for what she (Kim) went thru. You're right we don't know how she handled the dad situation because it was never really discussed enough to get a handle on, however, the fact that she had opportunities to settle all of these issues before her SO debut, leaves me pondering why she found it necessary to come on national TV to exploit her own life, her mom and Jeff and Jax, while she let dad off the hook...I just don't get that! My feelings "that the birth of her son triggered her emotionally and made her look inside of herself to see if she has the capacity to become an abandoner like her mom or an abuser like her dad"....that would make more sense to me than all of the explanations that she gave as to her reasoning for coming to SO...JMHO! ****************************
"I walk in my own shoes..."
****************************
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jonimoni 136 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-26-06, 08:52 PM (EST)
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35. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
LAST EDITED ON 04-26-06 AT 08:59 PM (EST)>LAST EDITED ON 04-26-06
>AT 06:48 PM (EST)
>
>Hi Jonimoni ...I beg to differ
>with you here, Kim sought
>out her mother at the
>age of 21 (according to
>her story) and lived with
>her for a while...so if
>she was able to come
>to terms with her father's
>abuse and work thru her
>issues with him before coming
>to SO, why didn't this
>same thing happen with Melinda?? I believe it didn't happen because...well you saw Melinda. She expects Kim to be over it...no work, no heartfelt apology....the woman is an emotional void. Maybe the dad did the work to try to make up for the past....Melinda has done nothing. Three days on a TV show is like a vacation if you really don't care about your daughter.
>
>
>I, like Baxtera, feel that Kim
>chose to project the abuse
>onto her mom because her
>dad's a nut case or
>she's afraid of him and
>since Melinda's handy and obviously
>feeling very guilty, Kim has
>decided to abuse Melinda to
>make her pay for what
>she (Kim) went thru.
I didn't see any guilt on the part of Melinda, she seemed clueless. She actually said that she didn't look for Kim because she was a procrastinator. WTF! Melinda does deserve blame she got her skinny butt out and didn't look back for her own child....not for a sinlge second. She is at fault....
>
>You're right we don't know how
>she handled the dad situation
>because it was never really
>discussed enough to get a
>handle on, however, the fact
>that she had opportunities to
>settle all of these issues
>before her SO debut, leaves
>me pondering why she found
>it necessary to come on
>national TV to exploit her
>own life, her mom and
>Jeff and Jax, while she
>let dad off the hook...I
>just don't get that!
Melinda also had a choice to come on tv and exploit her side, she seemed like she enjoyed her stay. I never felt a moments sympathy from her or for her. Sorry, jmo.
>
>
>My feelings "that the birth of
>her son triggered her emotionally
>and made her look inside
>of herself to see if
>she has the capacity to
>become an abandoner like her
>mom or an abuser like
>her dad"....that would make more
>sense to me than all
>of the explanations that she
>gave as to her reasoning
>for coming to SO...JMHO!
>
>
>****************************
>"I walk in my own shoes..."
>
>****************************
I think Kim showed great courage in coming on the show, she is damaged, it takes years to repair the damage done by what she grew up with. I saw her change, she was much more emotional when she left, not as closed up or afraid to cry, really cry. She wasn't nearly as stiff, even in her posture. I didn't dislike her....but I really, really disliked her mother......really. She was too busy to remember the child she left behind... Oh, and don't let the old age thing fool you. There are many, many mean heartless people who were mean and heartless when they were 25 and only got more selfish as they got older....achieving age does not give you a pass on all the damage you did to your own child. She does not get a pass because she seemed nice to the other women in the house for 3 days, the years of neglect and abuse she allowed her daughter to go through do not go away because time has passed. I am not saying the dad gets a pass, he does not but Melinda gets atleast an equal amount of blame, once she got herself safe it was time to get her child out of danger, and she just forgot her. She did not own any of what she allowed Kim to live through. She owes Kim everything she can do, she seems unwilling and unable to give anything. We don't know what the dad has done to make up to Kim, but we for sure know that Melinda has done, the big three days of tv stardom. Good Greif, Kim had to look for her....."I am a procrastinator" like I said, wtf.....
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Cleverone 759 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-27-06, 09:14 PM (EST)
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41. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Hi Jonimoni...we are still on very differing ends of this spectrum, however, I believe we agree on the fact that neither one of these people were fit parents. According to Kim's story, she lived with her mom for a few years and I can't see how Kim never broached the subject with Melinda...Kim has enough balls to confront her, I'm sure. Now, that being said, I could believe that Kim never got the answers she wanted to hear. A gross mistake was made by Melinda and she admitted that and I believe that she has asked Kim to forgive her for making that mistake..I saw guilt from Melinda as well as a willingness to help Kim heal as she admitted on the show...to do whatever it takes to rectify the past....unfortunately, Kim wants her past back with all the trimmings (like the fake family) and that ain't happening ...that's the part that I believe Melinda as well as some of us on the boards would like for Kim "to get"....the past is gone...only the memories remain and Kim needs to release her hope of turning the clock back to regain her "perfect childhood"...in truth, many children live thru damaged childhoods steming from abusive parents, yet, somehow they manage to achieve and wade thru the past to have a brighter future...and this my friend, is what Kim has yet to master. Peace!
****************************
"I walk in my own shoes..."
****************************
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Labyrinth 1248 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-28-06, 05:19 PM (EST)
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48. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Wow Clever and Bax you pretty much have said it all. Let's cut the sentimentality about Kim. She projects onto other people, she is an angry person inside who takes it out on her loved ones, she has her long list (including Jax let's remember) of those who have disappointed her.... Of all the HG's on SO I feel that she was probably the one most realistically portrayed because Kim can't help but be Kim. Kim is one twisted Sistah... she needs REAL counseling and not the fake crap that SO can dish out. Melinda came on the show because Kim was on the show. SO probably approached her and pressured her to appear with who knows what promises. People who doubt this should read up on Jerry Springer and shows of that ilk on how they get the "other party" to show up. We've had Jessica's sister, Jill's dad, then Melinda, and soon Cassies's son. I fear for those who try to love Kim. Jeff will be gone and she will be what she fears most, "a single mother." Which let's look at that statement - which Kim stated MANY TIMES on the show. She fears this, yet when her mother feared it, she had no sympathy for Melinda or what choices (admittingly bad ones) that she made. I really don't like Kim because she is a Hypocrite with a capital H.
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Lanna42 263 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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04-26-06, 05:48 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Sharina,Thanks for the kind wishes.I hope that Kim's Father rots in HELL where he belongs.There may be those charitable enough to forgive him out there but it won't be coming from me.And I hope Kim and Melinda have the resources to get some of the YEARS of follow up counseling it's going to take to sort everything out.There's was an incredibly complex situation.I felt sympathy for both Kim and Melinda.Melinda had to do it but it pained me to see that elderly,fragile,obviously impaired woman face all of that.Kim,I had mixed feelings about.I felt both great sympathy for her and at times she frustrated me greatly.There were days I had to tune her out.It was to painful to watch.The only one I have zero sympathy for here is her Father.The effects of abuse never fully go away.It doesn't stop because the abuse stops.In my own case I was badly abused as a child and then went on to marry an abusive man at a very young age.I divorced him immediately when it became clear he was going to abuse our son as well.I broke the cycle before it was passed on to my son or he witnessed any violence.He was a baby when I left.Unfortunetly,when I told my ex I was leaving he attacked me with a wooden baseball bat and tried to kill me.I had family to help me get away.Alot of women,I suspect Melinda as well don't have that and feel they can't leave.I really don't know what their exact circumstances were so I can't speak for her.But it can seem difficult to impossible to leave for many women.It took years and ALOT OF THERAPY for me to deal with all that.And I still deal with some of the problems related to it.I went on to work with battered women and came out as a lesbian about 12 years ago.I hold nothing against men in general unless they abuse women.But one was more than enough for me!Fortunately,I now have a kind,caring partner to share my life with.One who would never hurt me.I can't say the same for my ex-husband who has divorced three times since I left him.He is reaping what he sowed and so will Kim's Father.
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cheesecake 12 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Got Milk? Spokesperson"
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04-27-06, 00:52 AM (EST)
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37. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Kim kept mentioning a grandmother and aunt. I suppose they were her Dad's mother and sister. where were they when this abuse was happening? Kim said the first time she was spanked was at a party and she said it was a hard spanking. What were the other people at this party doing? Why didn't anyone of them report the abuse? The grandmother and sister had to have known about his abusive behavior those things do not develope over night. And when his wife left because of the abuse why didn't his relatives keep an eye on the child (Kim)? I am sure they could have questioned Kim in a suttle way to find out the extent of the abuse. (I know I would have) I lived in an abusive home. My brother abused us all. Than I witnessed my sister abusing her sons.(beatings I am talking about) I hated it and tried to stop it. When I had my son, I told my whole family if anyone lays one hand on him they have to answer to me and than the police. I will never in my life except abuse. never. I wish kim all the best
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trikelady 82 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"
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04-27-06, 03:58 PM (EST)
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39. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
After reading all of these posts I am left with many questions.
How could anyone call this man "dad"? I would call him a sperm donor. Why wasn't Kim placed with her favorite aunt? Why didn't sperm donor come on S.O.? Why is all the blame being put on mommy dearest? Talk about 2 sorry excuses for parents these 2 could win the award if there was one. I think S.O. let Kim down and did not resolve her problems with parents dearest. I am just totally disgusted with S.O. Anyway, good luck to Kim, you are in my prayers.
trike
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Lanna42 263 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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04-27-06, 06:23 PM (EST)
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40. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
There was no way SO could address all the underlying issues in Kim's story.It's going to take years of therapy to accomplish that.And as is the case with most abusers Kim's Father will probably NEVER admit he abused her.His concept of himself is probably as "a stern,responsible Father who stepped in to care for Kim when no one else would."And if Kim tries to pretend that the abuse never happened in her interactions with him she will be doing exactly what he wants.It is not at all unusual for a disproportionate amount of the blame for the abuse to be shifted onto the woman.After I divorced my abuser no one ever held him accountable for his actions.They NEVER asked me "Why did this horrible man abuse you?What made him think hitting you was acceptable behavior? He should have been jailed for what he did to you."Instead they asked "How could YOU stay with someone who hit you?There must be something wrong with YOU if you LET him do that to you.I would NEVER allow anyone to treat me that way."All of the focus was on what must be wrong with ME the person who has never ever raised my hand to hurt another person.So No,it didn't suprise me at all that there was little understanding of Melinda or accountability given to Kim's Father.That is how it usually is.The abuser HIDES.Their victims are held to account for their crimes.
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nevertolate 5 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"
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04-28-06, 07:47 AM (EST)
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42. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
I too was in a abusive marriage for 10 1/2 years and I hear you when you say the reactions from many for me also was how could you allow it and what's wrong with me? Looking back now as a older women I see that it was my own self-esteem. I wanted my marriage to work. After all I told myself all I want in life was to get married and have children. Then I told myself he will change. I will change. Know matter what I did to make him happy, didn't work. Well I don't know what Kim's thoughts are. My thoughts are maybe subconciously she defaults to her Mom for blame because she feels safe with her mom, and that her Mom will accept the blame. Maybe her Mom won't come back with crewl words. Maybe her Dad would yell at her and tell her she did something to cause the abuse and bring back feelings that cause Kim to feel she was to blame. Abusers have a way of doing that. I know my ex told me I caused his violent actions toward me. And I believed him. Or maybe when she was little she lied in bed thinking if my mother didn't leave me alone with my Dad this NEVER would of happened and shifted the blame on her.
Maybe Kim missed her Mom sooo much and part of that anger is that. When you tell yourself things for years and years you start to believe it. In away it is self preservation. I don't know I never understood sexual child abuse anyway. It infuriates me to think of a innocent child, defenseless. Then one day I was watching Oprah. You know she was abused.
She did a whole show about it. I was shocked to hear that some times, more often then not, the child feels this is loveing them. And so they develop guilt for liking it. As they get older they understand it more and feel guilty. It is so sad that precious minds are distorted or that a child has to accept any form of treatment in order to be feel loved and appreciation by that parent. I don't understand why the parent would not say to themselves I love this child and go get help.
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Lanna42 263 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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04-28-06, 10:07 AM (EST)
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43. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Hi Nevertolate:Glad you joined the discussion.Thanks for sharing your experiences.Of course there are self-esteem issues involved in a battering situation.Batterers prey on those who are weaker or more vunerable than themselves.Before I had a child my batterer liked to use threats against my pets to try and control me because he knew I loved them.They prey on the psychological vunerabilities of the people who care about them.That is what makes them so evil.People such as Kim's Father would never place himself in a position like Melinda did with their daughter.Men like him only get into battles where they know it is an UNEQUAL fight.They like to take their agression out on women,children and animals.They batter the partner emotionally until they lose the will to live.I think this was ESPECIALLY EVIDENT from what we saw of Kim's Mother.She was so clearly psychologically impaired that I was suprised she was up to participating at all.Yet because she was the parent who SHOWED UP to take responsibility for her actions THE FOCUS was almost entirely on her.There was ALMOST NO FOCUS given to Kim's Father other than to recount his actions.This seemed extremely INEQUITABLE to me.He was the one who abused Kim AND her mother and because he chose TO HIDE he was off the hook and Kim's Mother took all of the heat.That REALLY bothered me.SO should have made a VERY CLEAR PUBLIC STATEMENT."We asked Kim's dad to come here and he refused to show up."I never saw that and so BY IMPLICATION the blame all fell on Kim's Mother.
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Baxtera 923 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-28-06, 10:13 AM (EST)
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44. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
I wonder if in actual truth Kim places the blame there too. I know until I grew up and really grew enough to understand I placed much of the blame on my mother. Society teaches us it's a mother's job to protect, to nuture, to love, etc. and when that breaks down we blame the mother. I wonder if the situation had been reversed and the mother Melinda was the abuser and Kim's father had walked out and abandoned her if she would still blame her mother and not her father. I've watched scenerios in which Dad's have clearly walked out and become deadbeats and yet their daughters worship them on a pedastal and regardless of how little attention they are given the fathers are always given a buy on what they do. There just seems to be a pass for men.
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Lanna42 263 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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04-28-06, 08:43 PM (EST)
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50. "RE: Kim's Daddy Dearest" |
Thanks for moving the thread Sharnina. That was getting annoying. I have wondered myself if Melinda had kept Kim with her if she would have resented not being with her Father too.He would have gotten visitation with her that's for sure. Melinda was obviously ill prepared to care for Kim.Her life may not have been much better with her Mother as the neglected child of an alcoholic.Neither one of them was going to win parent of the year.I certainly agree that Melinda had to be held accountable for abandoning Kim.I just would have liked the same standard to apply to her Father as well.
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