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"Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?""
SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-12-06, 02:52 PM (EST)
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"Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
I was wondering about Bethany today.She is obviously an intelligent and thoughtful woman. Her story is tragic, and she broke our hearts when she shared it. But I've noticed that she has been toying with the idea of going home, and she began voicing that desire almost immediately. Unlike some of the other HG's, I don't think she's playing a game using threats of leaving; I think she is completely serious. Being a part of the show is such a commitment, and I was wondering how she came to the conclusion that SO was the right place for her at that particular point in time. Do you guys think it is at all possible that Bethany applied to the show before Shelby passed away? She may have had other issues that she originally wanted to address. What we are seeing now is four or five months after the accident, and I think it's conceivable that she was approved for the show prior to her loss. Maybe she changed her mind after losing her daughter, but the producers urged her to give it a try promising her that they wouldn't pressure her to stay if it was too uncomfortable for her. She did say that her family thought this would be a good idea, and her sister said basically the same thing on the phone. From what we've heard about SO's castings, there are lots of women who really want to get on the show. I would think ambivalence about actually being cast wouldn't help someone get through the selection process. What do you think? *******************************************
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poetic1 174 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-12-06, 03:10 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
This is an interesting thought. It hadn't occurred to me that maybe she was already heading for the show before she lost her daughter. But I did find it curious that she said she was there because of her family's encouragement. I'd figured that her family had contacted the show on her behalf, but then Dr. Stan didn't know what her sister's name was. Either way, only time will tell if she feels it worthwhile to stay. I would probably have the same ambivilance. What she is going through is intensely deep, and having all of those cameras and cameramen around would give me pause. And with having faced a real-life nightmare, the other ladies troubles would seem small in comparison - how could any of them even possibly understand? Not to mention that these women are strangers to Bethany, which would be difficult to live with while feeling such intense pain.
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eire_heart74 1231 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-12-06, 03:24 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
I kind of wondered about the timing too. They might of been starting casting or had their choices made right around the time her daughter was killed. Maybe she had issues being the only parent and the father walking out on them.I wonder too if the family that encouraged her to go on the show had known already she was chosen and wanted her to go through with it anyway. I too, have notice that's these questions of staying or leaving are not a dramatic ploy. You can tell by her face that she is really uneasy. It's not like she went to a private retreat. She's being filmed and watched constantly while dealing with backbiting and catty behavior. Also having to follow a schedule that allows little freedom of movement from the process. I'll be sad to see her go but I think it's for the best.
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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-20-06, 02:21 PM (EST)
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46. "Post removed and WARNING - Phredster" |
Maybe we should just start saying "Post all the spoilers wherever you like. We don't care." That might bring unauthorized spoiler posting to a stop, because reminding people of our policy of no spoilers outside the Spoiler Forum sure doesn't seem to be working.
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shawnar 366 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host"
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04-12-06, 04:36 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
That is an intresting thought. I am not sure we will ever know. I will miss her but think its best for her to be around her family at this time. Not publicly grieving on national Tv. Right now she a mess and confused she might regret this decision later.
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nikkidemus 186 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-12-06, 05:50 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
I just dont know what Bethany should do. No matter where she is her pain is going to be the same. Maybe she felt she needed a break from her family, she has probably been around them since it happened, and just needed to get away for a while. I do know that no matter what she needs to talk about it, whether its with strangers or family. I didnt do that and it almost cost me my life. Whatever decision she makes though , I will understand because only Bethany knows where she should be at this time.
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Juliejo 477 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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04-12-06, 07:01 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
I think she applied to come on the show with encourgement from her family after the death of Shelby. I think Bethany thought it might help her with her pain. I think after being at the SO house she has started to miss her family and has decided she wants to go home. She talks about how exhusted she is and that is depression for sure. I think she will be happier at home seeing a counselor and getting into a group with others who have lost their children. I wish her well and I can feel her pain.
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pickleme 56 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"
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04-12-06, 07:39 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
In my opinion, based on the few days that Bethany has been in the SO house, I think the producers are attempting to persuade her to stay because for once, they have a real young woman with a genuine life problem. Is the SO house the right place for Bethany? Again, IMO, it is not. Judging from Bethany's initial reaction about wanting to go home, I think she knows in her gut that she would do better at home with more traditional grief counseling and therapy.The "problems" of the other housemates pale in comparison to what Bethany is experiencing. To me, it is like trying to force a square peg into a round hole to try to give Bethany a new viewpoint about who she is without Shelby while at the same time, trying to deal with Jodi-roli-poli, Kelly-can't-get-along-with-anybody, Kim's purported drinking problem, etc.
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c27 0 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "New Member"
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04-12-06, 09:06 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
Maybe spending some time with Sara will help her. Sara seemed to think she should stay. But, I am sure they will talk to rhonda and Dr. Stan. I hope they make a decision she does not regret later.
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26mitogo 493 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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04-13-06, 01:13 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
Hmmmmm SR, interesting possibility about Bethany possibly having been contracted to SO prior to her daughter's death. Hadn't thought about it that way. I didn't get that impression and of course, they didn't let on that that was a possibility. I thought it would have been somewhat similar to kind of an emergency decision along the lines of Jossie in season 1 ... when she was only weeks away from having Cloe, wasn't sure if she would keep the baby or not, the boyfriend didn't want to be a responsible adult and didn't mind tossing Jossie out since he didn't know if the child was his or not, and Jossie was living in her car at the time. Of course at that time they added Jossie as HM #7 and put her up in the guest room but this year the house is so toppsy-turvey that it wouldn't be hard to slip someone in as a last minute decision.My biggest concern for Bethany is that her family wanted her to come to SO thinking it would help. Are they thinking Bethany should be more "over it" than she is? That she shouldn't be still struggling just to get up on her feet every day? Lord I hope not. For ANYONE to say under these conditions that she "should __________ (anything)" would be devistating. Remember she did say she has had a lot of people saying "You just have to get busy"; "You need to be working everyday", etc. and finally came to the conclusion that until they have suffered the loss of their child, they don't know what they are talking about. The statement she made to Dr. Stan today about feeling guilty about leaving the old behind brought me back to the goal Rhonda set for her ... something about rediscovering the joy? I wondered if the guilt could have something to do with that goal. If I'd just lost my daughter, went for help, and thought the LCs might be expecting me to be independant, joyful, and ready to prance into the world, maybe go flirt at some singles bar or something (exaduration mine) by the end of my weeks at SO I'd wonder if I'd come waaaaay too soon also. She did mention that the timing was the biggest problem. It's not that she doesn't want to do all that's been mentioned but not ready to move so far away from Shelby's daily existance ... and right now Shelby's daily existance in her heart just isn't going to feel joyful. Maybe if her goal would have been to grieve successfully or survive the grief process she wouldn't feel she'd be moving so far away from the "old". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A WOMAN must do what he can't.
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Hunybuny 34 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
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04-17-06, 09:46 AM (EST)
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22. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
I agree! nice sister eh? How could she possibly think the SO house would be the right place for her??? Has she not seen the show??? Or does she have some kind of mean streak and wants to see her little sister publicly hummiliated on national TV? I don't think you'll see the life coaches try too hard to convince Bethany to stay, I don't think they know how to handle her situation, and keep their ratings, they have done some pretty strange things to these women, and before they make her dress up like Death! and have a mock funeral or drag her to an accident scene, Bethany needs to leave and seek proffessional help, you never get over a death of a loved one, you just learn to deal with it!
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Labyrinth 1248 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-13-06, 03:52 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
I think she applied to the show because her family wanted her on television - and that it was after the death of Shelby. I think it was wayyyyyy too early - and yes I've had significant people in my life die (no children though).I suspect her family is publicity seekers. Being on television and the stars in their eyes. We'll know when sis comes to town I guess. I don't mean to sound cruel and compassionaless to her story, but Bethany needs to stop bitchin' and moaning and leave. EVERY TIME WE SEE HER it's about should she stay or go --- please go - go now. You need at least 1 year before you would be even able to move on from something this significant. I am talking one year just to get over the SHOCK ... not even starting the significant process of grieving. At least Jessica had, what 4 years or so? Bethany is in no shape to be on this show and it would be a kindness to her if Dr. Stan would TELL HER and stop angling her for ratings.
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Mama_Pita 122 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-13-06, 04:20 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
Im with you 100% on that one Lab..When I watch her on the show everything that comes out of her mouth is "My shelby, My shelby" then tears. Now, I put myself in her shoes, I have an 8 yr old daughter, and If that was me who was driving that car, I couldnt get that picture out of my head. I just cried cause the pain (even though it didnt happen to me) hurt so bad, and i couldnt even think about getting over that in 5 months. Sorry but she does need to greive with her family first before she can heal herself.
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dasboot 223 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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04-13-06, 06:01 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
I would be pleased if she left. I think it is too soon for Bethany as it was too soon for Allison. Allison ran back to the SOH after her mastectomy, breast reconstruction and hysterectomy with drains and infections intact. What was the rush? She needed more time to grieve her losses but couldn't miss the opportunity to play to the camera. I have no respect for her.It seems that after rolling and wallowing in the mud for some time, the producers are trying to redeem themselves and bring an air of respectability and believability to the show by finding someone with real, heavy-duty issues. Unfortunately, SO's track record does make them the appropriate medium to deal with Bethany's issues. Juxtapose the image of Dr. Stan sitting down to talk with LazyLisa while she was dressed in her pink, baby outfit with Dr. Stan sitting down to talk with a grieving Bethany. What is wrong with that picture? It don't fit. Run, Bethany, Run!!!!! Fast! If the LC's and Dr. Stan want to be media whores that's ok but they should stop trying to play on both sides of the line cuz they sold themselves out a long time ago. Originally, many years ago (19 or so) a younger Rhonda went to Hollywood wanting to be an actress. She didn't make it then, but she has finally made her dream come true as a LC on SO.
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lil kali 2 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"
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04-17-06, 06:05 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
You couldnt be more wrong about Bethany's family. She has a great family and they only want the best for her.
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punkin123 22 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Got Milk? Spokesperson"
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04-17-06, 07:57 PM (EST)
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36. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
Sharnina, I really appreciate your caring post. I hope Bethany is doing well and don't get some of these posts.
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MizJazmine 532 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"
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04-13-06, 04:56 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
LAST EDITED ON 04-13-06 AT 05:02 PM (EST)LAST EDITED ON 04-13-06 AT 04:58 PM (EST) I avoided this thread because I thought it was the same 'ol same'ol and I've already said where I stand on the issue, but Seasoned that's an interesting take. I didn't understand WHY Bethany would choose the venue of SO, but now knowing that it was more at the urging of her family (her sister) helps. I think Bethany came on the show to please her sister because she probably felt like she was a burden. I remember her talking on the phone to her sister a while back. I was like wow that doesn't sound too supportive. I think SO is a vicarious thing her sister is doing. Who recommends their grieving sibling (especially the loss of a child & 5 months into their grief) to a tv show? Bethany should trust her instincts and go home. I think her taking moment by moment and being in a support group with others like herself would be much more healthy and helpful for her. Labyrinth...hahahahaha...OMG...of course I agree with ya...I just didn't wanna say it! I really like the way you just put it out there ...hahahahaha
*Oh and I have liked Dr. Stan, but my eyebrows have been raised with him on this one.
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Zoey 326 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Cooking Show Host"
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04-13-06, 06:20 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
While we really don't know her well enough yet other than the loss of her daughter, she seems to be a kind and well rounded person to me. Then again, Allison seemed to be that way aside from her cancer at first and later, we got a completely different picture of her. Point being, I'm not sure if I buy into this theory but you never know.Also, on the SO site, they have a list of issues they were looking for in auditioning cast-mates and I believe that one of them was "loss of a child". I think the SO house could be a good place for her with 2 conditions: 1). That she focuses on herself and doesn't compare her tragedy with the other HMs. 2). I think she needs to continually see people (maybe a support group) with people who are dealing with the same thing she is. No one in the house (except Iyanla) can understand what she's been through. She said something in confession when she first got there - that even though they have very different issues, they all have a lot in common. I thought that was very understanding of her, given the weight of why she is there. If she meant it, I think this says a loy about her character. I think the downside of her being in the house is that no one can really relate to her and that the cameras are on her and that she's away from her family. I think the upside is that she is getting support from Dr. Stan and the LCs and that even if she isn't ready to face all of the stages of greif, she is still learning tools that can help her through it now or when she is at a point where she can put them to use. Bethany is always talking about her indescision to stay in the house or go home but I'd like to hear her state why exactly she is undecided. If it's because of her immense pain then I think this would be a good, safe place for her. Then again, family is important during this time as well. And when I said this should be a safe place for her, even though her grief is on TV, unlike many of the other guests, I don't think she has the shame or embarrassment that many of the other house mates deal with. She's not really revealing any secrets that would be shamful to her or her family. I feel for her though and support whatever decision she makes.
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maryellennaco 1084 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-13-06, 09:59 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
It seems to me like her family was encouraging her to go on the show because of her daughter's death. But really interesting question!! I think she needs to find some appropriate grief counseling in her home town. When my nephew died at 10 years old, it seemed like the only place his Mom felt comfortable was around her own family - parents, brother... Seventeen years later, she's finally able to act sort of normally again. I emphasize the words.. SORT OF... Bethany may need to be around her family for a while. And that's OK with me,we need to think of ALL the people like Bethany, especially the ones in our own lives!
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NicNac 131 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-14-06, 02:14 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: I lost my son..." |
I am so so sorry for your loss, jeepers. I cannot imagine losing a child. I'm sure you understand Bethanys situation better than most of us. I only hope she ends up doing whatever is right for her - not her family.
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MizJazmine 532 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"
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04-14-06, 04:29 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: I lost my son..." |
Jeepers I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and I really mean that.I just can't get past Bethany's time line of coming into SO after 5 months. I can't wrap my brain around it. It just doesn't compute for me. I feel like Bethany's sister wants her to "get over it". When she was talking about seeing glimpses of the old Bethany, I was thinking, "are you kidding me?" "Lady do you comprehend what your sister has experienced?" It made me wonder how much of a relationship did her sister have with Bethany's daughter. She was the child's Aunt. I know people grieve differently but I'm like wow this is interesting. When her sister said something about how she thought about SO as Bethany's only option and the explanations she gave, I thought to myself this woman is full of crap. I'm sure Bethany's sister didn't think of Dr. Phil 'cuz he mighta been looking at her sideways like I am. If Bethany chooses to stay then so be it, but I wish Bethany would get on that computer and google the loss of a child and the grief process, then leave the SOH. Sorry but there are some real red flags going on here for me.
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sillybear 84 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Hollywood Squares Square"
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04-17-06, 11:52 AM (EST)
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23. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
I chat with my friends about the show and sometimes i think we get so caught up in it we really do forget this is still a reality TV show.I think what Bethany is going through is just to much for this show at this time.I'm not sure who makes the decision on who goes on the show but I think this was not a good idea at this time.I wish Bethany all the best.
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eire_heart74 1231 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-17-06, 11:53 AM (EST)
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24. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
Bethany was so brave to admit she wasn't strong enough for this right now. She truely is amazing to have said that out loud and stand by that choice. What an honest person it takes to admit it.
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LaurieC 0 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "New Member"
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04-17-06, 04:32 PM (EST)
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29. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
I was also stunned at how Rhonda put it to Bethany. It was a brutal ultimatum....proferred to someone who deserved much better. Bethany is doing the right thing by not staying. I wonder if Iyanla was asked for any input. She has lost a daughter too, and I would like to think that she would have had a more humane or tender way of dealing with that. I agree with another poster who thinks that Rhonda wanted to ensure she looked good at the end of this season.
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snowflake2 1499 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson"
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04-17-06, 05:02 PM (EST)
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30. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
It seemed to me that Bethany wanted to leave even as she entered the SO House, so I'm not surprised that she in fact made that decision today. I think she has been trying to tell them she wants to leave since the first day she got there, but they kept ignoring her and steamrolling her..."Oh, everybody wants to leave the first week they're here", "Oh, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity", "This is THE place to heal", "You have all of us supporting you", "You want to be with your family instead of being here? Well, we'll just bring a family member here." I believe saying "I miss my family and want to be with them during this tender time" was Bethany's polite way of announcing she didn't want to be at the SOH any longer. When Dr. Stan told her to invite her sister to the SOH instead of reacting with, "OK, we get the picture. You can leave", Bethany seemed visibly disappointed. I think Bethany is smiling and being more compliant than she really feels. I think her grief and suffering must be difficult enough without it being filmed for TV viewers' amusement. Maybe Sara, Bethany's sister, simply does not know how to help her. I got the vibe she just wanted ship Bethany off to SO so they could help her and send her back home "fixed" and "normal" again. She seemed pushing it a bit when she came to the SOH and proclaimed she could already see a difference in Bethany, and that she saw a "spark" of the "old Bethany". Personally, I think Bethany is just trying to hold it together for the cameras. Why add this burden on top of everything else? I think the sister is being unrealistic if she thinks Bethany will ever be the same again.
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standinmytruth 0 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "New Member"
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04-17-06, 07:29 PM (EST)
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34. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
i think it's kind of bizaar to encourage a mourning sister to go on a nation tv show (reality soap opera). bethany and sara sat they are really close, but i don't see it. they seem childish and co-dependent.
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lil kali 2 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"
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04-17-06, 06:00 PM (EST)
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31. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
How would Bethany have applied to the show before Shelby passed away? Would that mean Bethany hurt Shelby to be on the show? I was there... I know what happened and Bethany did not do anything just to be on this show.
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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-18-06, 00:05 AM (EST)
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40. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
lil kali wrote: "How would Bethany have applied to the show before Shelby passed away? Would that mean Bethany hurt Shelby to be on the show?"Dear Lord, NO! NO! NO! And NO! I don't think anyone who has posted on this thread has inferred that Bethany "hurt" her daughter in any way - for any reason, let alone to generate an interesting storyline for a reality television program. It certainly wasn't the premise of the thread. What happened was a tragic accident - it was not something Bethany "did" to Shelby. Bethany's love and longing for her little girl is on her face everytime we see it. I have no doubt that Bethany would give her own life if it would bring her daughter back. If something I wrote in the original post led you to conclude that I thought Bethany had planned this, well, there is nothing I can say except that I'm truly sorry. Women enter the SO house for a variety of reasons. Some of their issues are pretty intense: dealing with illness, abuse, or the loss of loved ones. Others are not so intense, but still important: women who seem to be generally dissatisfied with the directions their lives have taken, or women who want to find and live their personal best. There have been single moms in their twenties and thirties who want to live fulfilled lives while keeping the best interest of their child in the forefront of their minds. We've seen a few of those women, and they do have a unique set of challenges in their lives. I wondered whether Bethany originally contacted the show PRIOR to the accident because she wanted to address issues of single parenthood or in an effort to gain direction, or any number of other issues. I was considering the liklihood that she was accepted for the show on another premise. In other words, the entire thing was settled before Shelby's passing. I wondered if Bethany had contacted the producers saying that the loss of her daughter had changed everything, and she didn't want to appear on the show. Perhaps they pressured her, saying that the SO house would be an ideal place to heal, etc. What we have learned is that there is no shortage of women who desperately want to get on the show. Bethany didn't seem to be one of those women. Understandably, she began to express her uncertainty about staying in the house almost immediately. She didn't seem sold on it. Some women get to that place after a few days, and it's usually because the show isn't what they thought it would be. But in Bethany's case, it was pure sorrow, grief, and a desire to be in familiar and loving surroundings that were gnawing at her. If we are left with any impression of Bethany, it is one of a dear and loving young mother who has a heart that has been broken into pieces. She cannot foresee a life without her daughter. Our thoughts and prayers go with Bethany, wherever she may be. I hope that this clears up any misunderstanding. *******************************************
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sharnina 3075 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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04-18-06, 01:44 AM (EST)
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42. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
lil kali writes; " How would Bethany have applied to the show before Shelby passed away? Would that mean Bethany hurt Shelby to be on the show? I was there... I know what happened and Bethany did not do anything just to be on this show."I don't think that is what SR is suggesting at all. She was just suggesting that maybe Bethany had applied to come on the show for other reasons before the accident. If you read SR's other posts throughout the threads you will see that she gives much thought to everything she writes. SR, like the rest of us, is curious as to why Bethany's family would encourage her to go on such a public forum to "cure" her of her extreme sadness. We don't know so we can only guess at the reasoning. If Sara is the one that urged Bethany to go on the show then I stand by another response I made to you in another thread. Sara may have been trying to help Bethany - solve everything - and found out that what she really needed to give Bethany support as she works towards some sense of normalcy. That will probably take a long time and Bethany will probably never truly "get over" losing her Shelby. If you are a member of the family I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. If you are able to fill in some of the blanks for us without alluding to future episodes, I'm sure many posters like myself would appreciate it. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
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sweet cheeks 130 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-17-06, 11:45 PM (EST)
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39. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
Bethany's Sister Sarah talked her into coming to the SO house. She thought it would help her to cope with the death of her child. But I think now she thinks she should be with her family. Rhonda told her she would still keep in touch with her and support her in what ever way she can.
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Cleverone 759 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-18-06, 00:55 AM (EST)
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41. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
> > Bethany's Sister Sarah talked her >into coming to the >SO house. >She thought it would help her >to cope with the death >of her child. >But I think now she thinks >she should be with her >family. >Rhonda told her she would still >keep in touch with her > >and support her in what ever >way she can. After having been in a situation similar, I'd like to come to the defense of Sarah (Bethany's sister)...I believe that she thought she was doing something good for her sister, she seemed to think that this would help Bethany more than she could. I believe she wants only the best for Bethany with all my heart. When we lost my sister, my mother smothered me with her needs and being the "good daughter"..I gave in to her every whim (the death was sudden and unexpected)...I was there for her, every minute, thinking that by giving her a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen that I was helping her. It never dawned on me that I was stifling my own grief in trying to be strong for her and it took it's toll on me...I thought I would have a nervous breakdown....it was toooo much to be supportive of her and removing myself from the grieving process. When it finally occurred to me that I couldn't be her sole support any longer, I found myself running away from her and being very blunt and punishing her for what she was putting me through. I felt sooo ashamed and knew that I hurt her and that was the last thing I wanted to do. Thank God, I found a grief counseling group for us both and it was the answer and it was public enough for us . I'm glad that I sought the group as it did wonders for us and help my mom to see that she didn't have to climb in the ground with my sister..."she had more to live for"...now, we both know that we can go on and the mom that told Bethany that she'd "never get over it" was soooo correct and after realizing that "fact"...she can prepare to have a life without Shelby. The only thing Sarah may have done in error was to convince Bethany to make a life altering decision too soon by coming to SO...in grief counseling, they tell you not to make any life changes or decisions within the first year as they often tend to be "wrong choices"...and I found this to be sound advice. ....And Season wrote:
****************************I wondered if Bethany had contacted the producers saying that the loss of her daughter had changed everything, and she didn't want to appear on the show. Perhaps they pressured her, saying that the SO house would be an ideal place to heal, etc.
What we have learned is that there is no shortage of women who desperately want to get on the show. Bethany didn't seem to be one of those women. Understandably, she began to express her uncertainty about staying in the house almost immediately. She didn't seem sold on it. Some women get to that place after a few days, and it's usually because the show isn't what they thought it would be. But in Bethany's case, it was pure sorrow, grief, and a desire to be in familiar and loving surroundings that were gnawing at her. If we are left with any impression of Bethany, it is one of a dear and loving young mother who has a heart that has been broken into pieces. She cannot foresee a life without her daughter. Our thoughts and prayers go with Bethany, wherever she may be. I hope that this clears up any misunderstanding.************ I agree with you SR, Bethany made this abundantly clear from the start....and I genuinely feel that Bethany isn't ready to be in a public forum with her grief and I, too, wish her the best and strongly advise her to seek out grief counseling...they are "only" interested in helping you thru the process "at your own pace". Good Luck, Bethany!!! My prayers are with you and Sarah (because it's going to be a tough road ahead for you both). "I walk in my own shoes..." ****************************
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SeasonedRefinement 1248 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-18-06, 02:05 AM (EST)
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43. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
Hey Cleverone,Thank you for sharing your own very personal experience. It definitely adds another dimension to this discussion. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm sure your motives in trying to be there for your grief-stricken mother were completely selfless and they deserve recognition. But I am so glad that you had the opportunity to define and address you own pain. It sounds like both of you found a place of acceptance and resolution. There is no "right" way to handle these awful realities of life. Each of us is so different, and yet we all have so much in common when it comes to grief: the pain is severe and life can seem hopeless. In that frame of mind, family members and friends can't always say and do the right things - but it isn't humanly possible for one person to heal another's grief. Nobody can supply "the answer" in these situations. The answer comes from many sources, sometimes unexpected. I don't believe Sarah was doing or saying anything other than what she thought was best for Bethany. It seemed as though Starting Over may have been a good place for Sarah to begin to heal. Her grief is intense too, it's just different from Bethany's, and her journey to healing will be different. She'll need to shoulder some heavy burdens without losing herself in the process. I almost wish they had offered her the chance to stay. Her willingness to support Bethany in her decision to leave proves that her sister's wholeness and peace is of primary importance to her. I think they'll come through this in time - changed, but whole. *******************************************
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Cleverone 759 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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04-18-06, 07:27 PM (EST)
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44. "RE: Bethany: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"" |
Thank you SR....I know what Sarah thought she was doing was for the good of Bethany and sometimes people don't recognize that other family members grieve just as hard as they do...I liked Sarah and although, she shouldered up for Bethany's return home, I believe she was suffering, too. I also wished they had offered Sarah a chance to get thru her grief by staying at SO, but I'm sure they figured Bethany needed her more and didn't want to take away her support (they seem very close), however, if SO invites Bethany back maybe they will include Sarah at some point as well.My mother couldn't understand the way my father grieved so she totally focused on me for all her support (my younger sister was just as bad as mom was with her grief...so I felt I had to be strong for them both)....after realizing that I couldn't do it "all", the support group help us tremendously...we made it through...it took a while for me and my sister, mom took a lot longer because she just couldn't let go.... but she's doing better now . As you say we all grieve differently and we have to do it in our own space and time...when Bethany is really ready, I hope SO keeps their promise to bring her back so she can discover herself again with joy in her heart. Again, thank you for your kind response. **************************** "I walk in my own shoes..." ****************************
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