LAST EDITED ON 06-30-06 AT 10:55 AM (EST)
Hurricane Wilma has caused the roomies to retreat from Key West to Fort Lauderdale, to Orlando. Word has it that 90% of the Island is flooded, so the seven strangers have nothing to do but hang out in motel rooms and wait for the storms to pass.
John and Zach are laying around talking about how Svetlana told Martin "We almost died." They think it's funny how Svet 'embellishes' stories of experiences... like the time Svet described the shelter they stayed in "a dungeon" or the time Svet told Keith on the phone "We almost got electrocuted" .... or, how about the time Svet said her cat talks to her, and said "Hello Svetlana!" Svet overhears them and whines for them to stop making fun of her, which they don't.
After being cooped up in the motel in Orlando, word now has it that power has been partially restored back in Key West, so they make the long journey back south, and upon entering the Keys, they gasp and google at the flooded streets and wreckage of what Wilma did. They get to the house to survey the damage. Oh, my gosh... look at all the damage! What a wreck the house is! oh, Wait..... that's the way they left it, with dirty clothes on the floor, and dirty dishes stacked up in the kitchen counter and sink. Whew, for a minute there, I thought the hurricane had left the house that way.
Now they notice the swimming pool. What used to be a habitat for Ariel the Mermaid, has been converted to the new home of the
Creature from the Black Lagoon! It looks as though someone drained the water out of the pool, and filled it up with Crude Oil, dead leaves, and trees. The looks on everyones faces say.... "Well, no more swimmin in THAT pool."
Paula gets on the phone, and calls Keith. Remember Keith? He's the so-called, violent boyfriend, who put Paula in the hospital, a couple of times. Paula wants to get together with him on Duval Street, and catch up on 'old times'.
Meanwhile, the guys are trying to start the Mercury Milan, and Jose is standing there with a fire extinguisher, as if something is expected to explode shortly. (what the heck is up with that?)
The Milan won't start so they, (Janelle, Tyler, Zach, John, and Jose) load up in the 'other car' and head for the disaster that was the 'Mystic Tan Salon'.
On the way, they begin talking about Svetlana's lies.
Janelle: "You know how she made that comment about almost dying, and Martin didn't care? It wasn't that Martin didn't care about her dying, it was because Martin knows about her embellishments."
Tyler: "You can't take anything she says seriously." He then goes on to say that 80% of what Svet says is CRAP.
"It's the Svetlana factor." "What she says, and the speed she says it is like a speedometer, like CPM.... which stands for
Crap per Minute... and she's usually pulling 60 to 90 CPM right now. She can do 0-60 CPM... in 7 seconds!"
"You just wanna SLAP THE CRAP OUT OF HER!"... "and tell her to SHUT UP ALREADY!"
They continue to rag on Svetlana, and Tyler suggests that maybe we could all get her to just go home.
Arriving at the Mystic Tan Salon, they begin to survey the damage, which includes flooding, wet T-Shirts, moldy walls, mildewy curtains, and rotting stinking fishy carpet.
Zach calls Ricky (owner, Mystic Tan Salon), to tell him of the damage from this last hurricane. Ricky is devastated. Who wouldn't be? All the time, effort, and money he has invested in his Tanning Salon, was just washed away into the ocean.
Ricky: "Well, just cleanup the best you can."
They suggest calling the insurance company, but Ricky informs them that there is no Flood Insurance available in Key West.
Well, the roomies arn't so devastated.... It's Party Time! Fantasy Fest has been postponed, but they feel like celebrating anyway, dressing up in costumes, they get ready to go out on the town. John's costume looks like a cross between a spaceman, and the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. He has what looks like a spotlight stuck on top of his head, and Janelle has fairy wings on her back.
Paula meets her violent boyfriend Keith at one of the bars, and they sit and smooch, and catch up on each others lives. Paula then goes over to where Janelle and Tyler are, and ask them if it's OK with them if Keith came over to see the house. Nobody has a problem with it.
Now, think back... Remember how Paula told her violent boyfriend Keith, on the phone..... that it was 'Tylers' fault that Keith couldn't stay the night in the house. Remember how Svet told Paula that the only person who had a problem with it, was Tyler? ... and Paula couldn't wait to tell her violent boyfriend that the gay guy, Tyler... is the person responsible for not letting Keith stay the night in the house?
Now Paula wants Keith to meet this gay guy, Tyler, to straighten things out with him. (no pun intended) You know, if I didn't know better, it looked like to me, that Paula was trying to start something. Who else saw this? Anybody? Is it my imagination? Hmmmm.... I don't think so... this is
'The Real World'.
Paula tells Tyler that "Keith wants to have a little chat with you."
Keith confronts Tyler
Keith: "You might have a problem with our situation, like, what I did, but hey, I have a problem with that."
Tyler: "All I know is that Paula's not allowed to speak to you, or be around you, except with friends or family. But when you see what has been going on, all she's been through, and all the progress she's making, I'm not sure I want her hanging around with you after knowing whats been going on with the two of you."
Keith: "Ok, well, you have seen first hand how she acts... well, that's the Paula that I've inherited."
They talk a few more minutes, and Tyler begins to understand how the relationship between Paula and Keith got violent, with Paula ending up in the hospital.
They end their conversation with a handshake and hug,
(rolls eyes) and Keith and Paula get back to hugging and smooching.
Whew! Ok, now for the good part!
Svetlana has happened upon Tylers little Burn Book, with
FOUR WHOLE PAGES of Craps per minute by Svetlana. After helping herself into nosing into other peoples stuff, she decides she doesn't like what she's reading.
She runs to Paula, who tells her that Tyler does these things because he's 'INSECURE' about himself. OH, PLEASE.... isn't this the POT calling the Kettle BLACK!
Paula also tells her it's not a good idea to tell Janelle anything, because she just runs to Tyler and does the "You know what Svetlana told me today"... thing.
Svetlana then ponders burning the burn book, but whips out her cell phone, and calls her Russian mom back home in Philly instead.
"Mom, they are being mean to me, and making fun of me, they say I lie about everything."
Behind a sobbing Svetlana, we see Tyler in the doorway, just 5 feet away, listening to Svetlana talk on her loudspeaker cell phone.
Moms voice on the speaker phone: "Something went bad in their life, so they have NO LIFE! They're LOSERS!
You should treat them like the low lifes they are, and not feel sorry for them. They're LOW Lifes! They're just MORONS, just 2 MORONS!"
Tyler has heard enough, and decides to pitch in his 2 Cents.
"Hey, Svetlana, Does your mom wanna talk to one of them LOW LIFES?"
Svetlana realizes Tyler has heard what her mom said on the speaker phone, and tells him to go away.
Tyler yelling at phone: "Hey, Ms Fitzsimmons, before you make judgements, you should hear the lies your daughter is telling us.
Paula: "Get out of my face, I'm trying to talk to my mom!"
Tyler: "You're telling your mom we're devoting our whole lives to making fun of you?"
Paula starts to leave with her speaker phone, but not before Tyler gets in one last word to Paula's mom.
Tyler yelling at phone: "Bye, Ms Fitzsimmons, it was nice talking to you, you LOW LIFE BITCH.... Why don't you come on down here to Key West so I can
Drop Kick your fat @§§ over Shamu!"
An enraged Tyler then scurries back in the house deadset on making war on Svetlana and her LOWLIFE MAMA, sooooo.... he writes a note to Svetlana that reads...
You shoulda stayed in Philly, you LOW-LIFE BITCH....... ............-Love, Low Life Tyler
Zach appears and asks Svet what happened. Svetlana says she found Tylers Burn Book, which upset her, so she called her mother on the phone, to tell her about her torment, and Tyler came out "and started yelling at my MOTHER! Who does he think he is?"
She gets Zachs sympathy, and starts crying on his shoulder about the injustices in her life, and how she's just read
10 pages of cruelty on unjust accusations of lies.
Janelle walks up and asks a sobbing Svetlana if she said anything negative about her in the phone conversation with her mother. "Because I just heard you referred to ME as a LOWLIFE!"
Janelle then calmy confronts Svetlana about her dramatic embellishments. She's being very gentle in her confrontation with her, and very apparently comes across as one of the most mature roomates in this season..... if not all season's. We finally get to see Janelle at her best, as she tries to talk sense into an immature Svetlana.
The note on Svetlana's door... you know ... the one that says
You shoulda stayed in Philly, you LOW-LIFE BITCH...
is found, and taken down before Svetlana gets a chance to see it. Zach confronts Tyler, who has sought the safety of bedsheets and blankets, in the middle of the day (whats up with that?), and tells him that the note is cruel, unjust, and unfair.
Tyler tells Zach that he doesn't see what's been going on, and doesn't understand. Tyler confessionals that Svetlana is like a
Bad Puppy that Pees on the carpet, and needs to be punished!
"She's a little Baby-Whore, and she deserves every tear she cries!"
Later that night, Zach is talking to Paula about Tylers merciless tyrades against Svetlana.
Zach: "I think that Tyler gets personal pleasure from making her life miserable."
Paula: "It's not his right for him to say 'Your life plan is stupid.'"
Now ........... wait... did she just say that? Isn't she the one who insulted John several times with
"Your life story is ... I got a SMALL WIENER?"
Did you Real World Watchers out there catch that?
I got 3 words for you Paula! Pot Meet Kettle!
Now, we've seen the mess hurricane Wilma has left the Mystic Tan Tanning Salon, and I was thinking that the roomies would just have to pull together, get down to it, pull up the carpet, replace some sheetrock, put down some new carpet, wash the wet T-Shirts, and re-open the Tanning Salon.
Who pulls up the wet carpet? ..... Professional crew.
Who cleans up the wet spots? ..... Professional crew.
Who is replacing broken windows? . Professional crew.
The roomies are relieved to hear that Ricky has generously paid professional crews to do any and all cleanup of the studio, and are forever grateful. But Ricky has other news. He's closing down the studio.
(insert unbelievable gasps and moans here)
Will the roomies have to do any work the rest of the time they are in Key West? Will Lil Miss Pouty Pants go to her corner and cry? Will Tyler Punish the Puppy some more?
Find out next time on...
The Real World... Key West!