LAST EDITED ON 06-25-04 AT 09:26 AM (EST)For Love or Money 3: Ep. III Summary
A Harlequin Romance (Sort of)
The day had dawned, and the house was quiet. Too quiet, according to Rachel... who had been complaining since day one that she’d had to share the house, man and show with fourteen other women. Fortunately, most of them were gone by now, and Rachel would soon have
one whole freaking dollar Pre$ton all to herself. The day had dawned, and Jordan had awoken the five remaining women. Conveniently, they were all sleeping in the same bedroom, and in only three beds. The fact was, the mansion was huge, but Jordan’s contract only required him to deliver the message once, so the girls had to accommodate. Certain allowances got made for big stars like the host of For Love or Money. They were so hard to replace these days.
Jordan’s message was bittersweet. Preston, the
blundering idiot dashing hero would be along shortly to collect the women for romantic dates, however, only four of them would get to go. PJ, Rebekah and Ali laughed nervously at the news, but Rachel wept bitter tears of sorrow. Once again she would be forced to sit around the enormous house eating bon-bons while other women were fawning over her beloved Pre$ton. What a cruel game love is, Rachel thought as she hurried to the bathroom to dress. It was important that she look her best today so that Pre$ton would choose her for one of the dates.
The women were lined up outside the mansion as Preston’s limousine pulled up. Looking out of the window, Preston wondered which one he should choose. Should he choose the lovely Andrea, whose check was worth $500,000, and whose
anorexic alluring bare midriff was calling out to him from between a short white blouse and blue cotton pants? Yes, Preston decided, transfixed. Andrea is a wonderful choice for my first date today.
Getting out of the limo, Preston announced his selection- to the dismay of the other four women. Tramp, thought Rachel, narrowing her eyes and flipping her hair defiantly. PJ forced a smile and resigned herself, along with Rebekah and Ali, to waiting anxiously for four hours until the next date. Surely he’ll pick me next, each girl was thinking to herself. He just has to!
“I’m going to do dishes on your stomach,” Preston whispered to Andrea seductively when they were finally alone in the limousine.
Andrea giggled. “Oh, Preston! You’re soooo charming.” She batted her eyes and blushed a little. “What a clever way to say that I have great abs. You’re so smart.”
The car pulled up outside the Moonlight Rollerway. It was the cool new hangout for all the teenagers in town. Andrea couldn’t think of any place she’d rather be. She saw Preston checking out her abs again, and decided to amaze him with her disco moves. Soon Andrea and Preston were laughing and dancing and having a wonderful time. Yet, neither of them could stop thinking about the money. It was a dark cloud hovering over their otherwise sunny rollerdisco date.
Leaning across the table that had been set up in the middle of the rink, Andrea watched Preston suspiciously. He knew something he wasn’t telling her: the value of her check. She wished she could read his thoughts.
I think that look means she wants to kiss me, Preston thought. Was there anything more romantic than this? Any moment more perfect? Besides, he almost chuckled to himself, her check is for a half million dollars, and she’s totally cute. Out of all my women, Andrea is definitely the most bang for my buck. Smiling, Preston locked eyes with Andrea, then took her hands in his and kissed her softly.
Rachel stepped once more out to the driveway, followed closely by Rebekah, Ali and PJ. She desperately wanted to know the details of Andrea’s date, but wasn’t about to ask. She didn’t want the other girls to think she was insecure. Luckily, Rachel had spent $49.95 last winter on a home mind-reading course she had found on the internet. She could find out whether Andrea had made out with Pre$ton, and no one would ever have to know. Rachel tented her fingers together and chuckled slightly. “Ex-cellent,” she said quietly to herself in her oiliest voice.
Preston stepped out of the limousine and surveyed the women before him. “I think I’d like to take Ali on my next date, because
she has a million dollar check I haven’t spent any time with her yet.” Rachel couldn’t believe her ears. Ali? What could he possibly see in Ali? She must have a big check, Rachel deduced, as she quickly returned to the house before the other girls could see her eyes welling up with tears.
In the car, Preston was admiring Ali’s legs. Hubba, hubba! he thought excitedly. Ali couldn’t help being wary of the man next to her. Like Andrea, she knew Preston was keeping something from her. Quickly, she formulated a plan in her mind for finding out whether Preston was more interested in her or her money. I’ll pretend to be a horrible conversationalist and an empty-headed dingbat, she devised. If he asks me to stay at the next elimination ceremony, I’ll know I have a large check. And if not-- But Ali didn’t get to finish thinking her plan through completely, because just then, she saw her name on the marquis of a movie theater. “Omigod!” She squealed excitedly. “That’s my name!”
“Um... yeah, it is,” Preston said. Oh great, she’s a ditz. Things didn’t improve during the movie. For one thing, it was a compilation of Ali’s baby pictures and home videos. For another, Ali narrated through the entire thing; by the end of the date Preston knew Ali’s entire boring life story. He also really wanted to go home. “Wow. You were a really cute kid,” he said, trying to be polite. Preston didn’t know what to do. Ali was worth a million dollars, but she was about as exciting as watching paint dry. Preston knew he had a lot of pondering to do later on.* * *
The clock ticked ever closer to four-o-clock. Rachel again fought back tears as she waited for the limousine. The moods of the other girls were dampened as well, except for Andrea. She had chosen not to tell the other girls very much about her date, and they were rather annoyed by it. PJ tried to keep her hopes up, willing Preston to read her thoughts. Oh, please pick me. Please pick me, Preston. Her wish was granted; Preston arrived just then, and announced that she would be his next date that evening. Elated, PJ hopped into the car without waiting to see the disappointment on other girls’ faces.
Rachel knew by now that all hope for a date today was gone. She put away her hopeful face and put on her bitchy, insolent one. They looked a lot alike. Knowing she had nothing else to do for the rest of the evening, Rachel went back inside and started plotting against PJ and Andrea.
The limousine only drove about ten feet, to where a low-budget date was set up in the back yard. Preston thought the short trip was rather pointless; what he didn’t know was that the producers had actually given Jordan a limo that took him from his bed to the bathroom in the middle of the night, so this was nothing. PJ and Preston entered an Arabian tent set up on the grass. If only PJ’s check was worth more than $50,000, Preston thought sadly. I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with her...
in a big house in Beverly Hills with a BMW parked in the garage. They spent the next four hours sipping champagne together, leaving the tent only to watch the sunset. Preston wanted to kiss PJ; it was, after all, the appropriate thing to do when watching a romantic sunset. He leaned in, but PJ only allowed him a short peck. What the hell is he thinking?! thought PJ angrily. What if the other girls looked out the window and saw us kissing?
Fortunately for PJ, the other girls were too busy at that moment fretting over who would be chosen for Preston’s last date.
Rachel’s worst fears were confirmed. Rebekah had been chosen for the fourth and final date. Pre$ton promised that Rachel would get another chance on another day, but she wasn’t having any of it. Fun time was over now that Rachel’s feelings had been hurt. Not that she was very much fun to begin with, thought PJ, who was laughing on the inside, and dangerously close to pointing and laughing on the outside.
Preston gazed at Rebekah as they traveled to their date. She was definitely the cutest of all the girls, even if she wasn’t showing as much skin as Andrea and Ali. Her check was only worth a dollar, though. Preston tried to convince himself that this didn’t matter to him. It wasn’t easy. In the meantime, Rebekah was wondering what Preston’s motivations were, and trying not to notice that he kept staring at her chest.
Minutes later, Preston and Rebekah arrived at the Hilton; dinner for two was arranged on the roof, next to the candlelit pool. Eager to show her just how intelligent he was, Preston quickly pointed out the rather obvious fact that they were on the roof of the hotel. Rebekah just laughed. Even Preston’s inanity couldn’t ruin the most romantic date of her life. “You know, I saved the best for last,” he told her in his most
sleazy suave voice. Rebekah raised her eyebrows. Nice try, buddy, she thought, But I’m not quite the easy sell that those blondes back at the house are.
Later, as they were slipping into the hot tub, Preston thanked his lucky stars that Rebekah was finally a little more scantily clad- in a bathing suit (although if he was being honest with himself, he really would have preferred skinny dipping). She totally digs me, he thought to himself as he nuzzled up to Rebekah and began to kiss her. I just realized something: I dated four different women today, and I have a chance at a million dollars. I must be the luckiest man alive. Maybe if things don’t work out on this show, I’ll try out for “Joe Millionaire 3” next. He continued to kiss Rebekah passionately for what seemed like hours.
Preston is a great guy, thought Rebekah as they returned to the mansion that night, but if he’s screwing with me... he’s dead. She gave a sinister little laugh.
Rebekah had neglected to tell the other women about her steamy hot tub make-out session with Preston, but she wasn’t a very good liar. Rachel was getting even more nervous than before. What if Pre$ton had decided he liked one of the other women more than her? It was all too much to bear. Anxiously, she walked downstairs with the other girls for the third elimination ceremony.
Before the ceremony, however, Jordan (or J-Dog, as he was now insisting he be called) apparently had a surprise in store for them. Each woman was led to a velvet-covered podium, upon which her check was affixed, and instructed to hold her magic ring out in front of her. He then explained that if anyone wanted to learn the value of her check, all she had to do was drop the ring onto the podium. However, doing so would decrease the amount of the check by half. The room was silent for several moments while each woman considered the proposition. The tension mounted. Then, a single ring fell.
Andrea had dropped her magic ring. She knew it meant losing half her money, but she didn’t care. She had to know what Preston’s true intentions were. Rachel scoffed. What is she, an idiot?
No way would I ever give up an entire 50 cents for that loser Pre$ton.
Five seconds later, it was confirmed that Andrea was, indeed, an idiot. Jordan revealed that he would have offered to go as low as a twenty percent reduction. No matter, though, the deed was done. Andrea walked to the blacklight and placed her check underneath it. A half a million dollars, it read. “You are now playing for $250,000,” Jordan said.* * *
Preston had never been very bright. When J-Dog had told him a few minutes ago that Andrea had given up half her money to learn how much she was playing for, he immediately became suspicious. She’s in it for the money, he thought bitterly. She doesn’t want me at all! It never occurred to Preston that a woman who was motivated solely by money wouldn’t give up half of it in order to better understand her man. A woman who only wanted money
*coughRachelcough* would do everything she could to make sure she got as much as possible. It should have been a pretty obvious logical conclusion. But then, Preston had never been very bright.
That night, Preston eliminated the million-dollar girl, Ali. A quarter of a million dollars was now the most he could look forward to. However, Preston was satisfied with his decision. He was certain he wasn’t looking like such a money-whore to the viewers anymore. And on the bright side, he was still simultaneously dating four beautiful women. Every time he had tried that in the past, they had all gotten mad for some reason. But this time it was working out. Life is good, Preston thought.
Rachel slept a little easier that night.