Ok, so all week I've been trying to figure out a way to get out of this summary. First, I posted ten spoiler threads on the general discussion board. Nope, I didn't get banned. Then, I went even further. I posted ten threads on the general discussion board claiming Bebo was the mole. Nope, I still didn't get banned. So finally, I made one last attempt. I emailed Webby personally and told him he was the meanest, cruelest, grinchiest, and moliest (If I might still a word from Tracey's vocabulary) Blue Peep ever! But here I am today, as unbanned as ever.
I do have one last proposal, however. I do here forth promise on the 26th of January that I will present the Iowa Scream in its full unchanged version if you so lovely molesters allow me to get off the hook with this summary.
Ok, ok, fine then, I will proceed...
So I present to you...
The Journey of Six Celebrities Through Episode Three of The Mole.
A Star Summary Production
*Mexican Hat Dance Music*"Stephen Says Hello and You Say Goodbye, Again"
We start off with opening confessionals.
Tracey: She tells us she now knows Mark is a chicken, I mean mole.
Mark: He tells us he's a chicken, I mean mole. Jeeze, why did I do that again!
Dennis: He says something of another about Corbin I think. BTW, did anyone see him playing basketball in the ABA? He sabotaged the whole game. He didn't even score a point. Oh wait, never mind, that's just his lack of ability. Move along now, let's not waste our time with Dennis...
Keshia: She says she is glad she didn't take Corbin's advice. Yes, smart Keshia, if you follow Corbin's advice you might end up on Celebrity Mole. Oh wait, Never mind. Hey, it could be worse, think, "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here". A matter of fact, Keshia would fit in perfectly with that crowd. It's poll time. Who here knew Tyson and who here knew Keshia...my point exactly. Ok, I know surely I've lost half of you now...
Britney Spears Reveals All
Ok, now that I have your attention back, let's move on with the summary.
Angie: Ummm, yeah...
And that's it for the painful merciful opening confessionals this week, unfortunately.
The episode begins and the players have a grand total of $16,000 in the pot, which means it's time for a Joke Aimed at George Bush and ABC.
Joke Aimed at George Bush and ABC- George Bush: "Come on guys, I'm giving Cheney's buddies at Haliburton more than $16,000. Don't ya know, if y'all don't start to earn some more monies ABC is gonna have to throw free money at your faces to boost the pots. And then they're going to call it a scandal. A scandal they'll call it."
And just as soon as the speech of the decade is heard, you guessed it, the highest money game in the century is proposed.
The game is called "Clucks for Bucks". And if I'm interpreting this right, if I give a cluck, then I receive a buck? I wonder if a Howard Dean Scream counts as a cluck.
*Waiting, waiting, waiting* Jeeze ABC is cheap. I humiliate myself in front of all these molerons at this wonderful site and I don't even get a reward for it. Well that'll be the last time I watch ABC...
Speaking of ABC, how about that new show "Line of Fire"? Its got Stephen Baldwin and Corbin Bernsen as leading actors. Now come on, you can't get much better than that. Well, the actors are at least close replicas I promise!
But you heard me right, "Clucks for Bucks" is the name of the game. The players have to divide into three teams of two. Take a guess at what they manage to do. That's right, the little dyslexic celebs have managed to create two teams of three. They're cheaters you know, bad ones at that, trying to cheat themselves out of a round! They'd try to get by with anything, if it wasn't for ABC stopping them, which brings us to a joke aimed at George Bush and ABC.
Joke Aimed at George Bush and ABC- George Bush: "Ya know, I think I've a gained control of those democrats. I got the black mail of the centurima. All I gots to do is reject that Medicare Bill of Rights and I get free money from those Lobbayests. Yep, as easy as pie. Just like ABC, rejecting those molerons. I'll show play by the rules."
Back to the game...
The teams are Keshia and Dennis, Angie and Stephen, and Tracey and Mark.
There are 24 chickens and 48 sombreros. The sombreros have numbers inside them, which relate to numbers on the chickens. The teams have to find numbers in the sombreros, then find those same chickens, and then put them in a small pen. They win $2000 for each chicken, and $5000 in some cases on specially marked packages of Kelloggs Frosted Flakes, or more commonly known as Super Chickens. The teams each have five minutes.
Keshia and Dennis go first. Blah, blah, blah...They win an enormous $17,000 for the pot. Oh whatever will they do now. They've broken ABC's bank.
The next couple, Angie and Stephen, strike it rich. No, not the one in Alaska, I'm talking about the Yucaton chicken rush. They earned $31,000 to the pot. Blah, Blah, Blah.
Finally, the disasters, Tracey and Mark, take their turn. It's all about sabotage, or maybe stupidity in this team. They manage to add $9,000 to the pot, which I'm sure everyone here cares about so much. It's the exact reason why I've decided to now install the Stat Keeper into this episode's summary...
Game 1: $57,000
But wait, there's more. Keshia is given the opportunity for an additional $10,000 if she catches a rooster. Come on ABC, anyone who is anyone knows that catching a rooster is the most impossible task in the world. Only experts would dare...
Oh wait, Keshia does it! $10,000 is added to the pot, Oh My!
Which means it's time for, you guessed it, the Stat Keeper.
Game 1: 67,000
Suspicions are now arising. Stephen, Tracey, and Angie ride back together from the game. The all selfish and inconsiderate Stephen and Tracey do not share any information with Angie. But that's so unfair, this means we're going to be stuck seeing Stephen for so much longer. But my friend reminds me coalitions in the past have not always meant sure victory, so I'll calm my worries for now.
We get some more confessionals, blah blah blah is the mole. Most interesting bit of information, Mark says he's a chicken, I mean mole, again. Jeeeze!
And then, it's time for the next game, conveniently at 3:00 AM for the celebs. Hey I'm up writing this here summary at 3:00 in the morning, they can surely manage to play one simple little game. No one has lived through true toughness in the world until they've experienced writing a RealityTvWorld Summary. Yep, absolutely toughest thing ever.
This game is called "Wrestler Mariachi Maze". If you're wondering if the games involves Wrestlers and a Maze you've hit the bullseye. Because that's exactly what the game's about.
Once again, the celebs have to form three teams. They've grown smarter heads since the last aquaintance and actually make three teams of two. The teams are Dennis and Angie, Keshia and Mark, and Stephen and Tracey. Obviously, ABC was trying to give them two heads instead of one in this episode. All in all it might have actually partly worked!
Dennis, Mark, and Tracey choose to be runners in the game. The others are therefore navigators. The navigators must direct the runners through a maze, using an overhead view and walkie talkies. The runners have to grab a belt and maneuver themselves through the maze, avoiding two wrestlers. A band is there to play the Mexican Hat Dance when the wrestlers approach the runners. Each successful runner across earns $20,000 for the pot.
Dennis goes first. His trek turns out to be a complete failure. Angie doesn't know which way left or right is and she doesn't even tell Dennis to grab the belt. It's over for them before they even really have a chance. Team Dennie goes down without much of a fight.
Dennis is upset at Angie, Stephen wonders aimlessly, and the world wonders why.
Next, Tracey does the running. Stephen deals out quick directions and Tracey is soon tagged by a wrestler. There isn't much to say here...
Finally, Mark runs and I'll just get this over for you real quickly. He makes it across and they win $20,000. There, the stress is over.
But wait, but wait, there's more. One of the three belts of the runners has an exemption. Tracey and Dennis willingly give up $5000 to look at their belts and Mark gets to look at his free of charge. Oooh, wow, what a reward. Back at home, the viewing audience is shocked. I think this goes back to the burning bags in The Mole 2 as the most exciting time ever. I wait hysterically for the belts to be shown. And it's Tracey! Tracey wins an exemption. Now this is quality TV. This is ABC.
It's now time for another all famous Stat Keeper update.
Game 2: $10,000
Game 1 and 2: $77,000
In the make up room, Ahmad offers Mark a deal, since the green thumprint was in his belt. Mark can earn an exemption for himself and $10,000 for the pot if he eats all the leftovers on everyone’s plate after dinner.
And it is into this that ABC delivers true humor...
The celebs don't like their food that much, oh the picky little celebs- don't they know people are starving out there. Mark is forced to eat quite a bit of food and he only has fifthteen minutes to do it. Mark stuffs down food like a little baby. Of course, the others try to get him to vomit. And finally he does vomit, ending the task being a failure.
So, it's time for the quiz and a Joke Aimed at George Bush and ABC.
Let's take it together.
1. Is the mole male or female?
George Bush is a male.
3. In the clucks for bucks game, did the mole’s team lose money for breaking a rule?
Yes, George Bush has caused the American people to lose money.
4. How many super chickens did the mole’s team drop in the pen during the clucks for bucks game?
Let's see, one for George Bush, one for Cheney, and one for Haliburton. So the answer is Three,
6. In the maze game, was the mole a navigator or a runner?
George Bush is certainly a navigator. He controls us like he is God or something.
8. In the maze game, did the mole win any money for the pot?
No- I think its quite evident the American economy is going down the drain.
10. Who is the mole?
Geroge Bush is absolutely the mole.
Now let's take one last look at the Stat Keeper.
Angie is safe, Mark is safe, and Dennis is safe. Next is Stephen. Oh so dramatic. And oh no, he gets the red screen. It's over for Stephen. Ahmad walks him out to the taxi for goodbye.
Lucky for us, I got the chance to ask Stephen some questions...
Will you rule out another Mole Stephen being in it)? You say Yes. Stephen says No.
What would you say about more enstallments of Celebrity Mole? You say Stop. Stephen says Go, Go, Go.
You say Goodbye. Stephen says Hello.
Stephen says he doesn't know why you say goodbye Stephen says hello, hello, hello.
What are the chances you'll watch another Celebrity Mole? Stephen says High. You say Low.
I think the verdict is in.
Hello Stephen, Goodbye Stephen, Again