LAST EDITED ON 09-24-02 AT 12:10 PM (EST)
Push, Nevada, Ep. 2: THE BLACK BOX
If this show wasn't about me winning the million plus change, would I watch this drivel on my BLACK BOX?
At last, a show with a gimmick. So, if I watch this program, they will pay me $1,045,000. Yep, it's like money in the bank. How do I know this? It's in the genes. My folks have always been big winners - they are still waiting for checks from Reader's Digest and the Publisher's Clearinghouse. Everytime I ask them where my share of the loot is, they pull out the letters that proclaim them the winners.
"Just imagine the excitement at the Silverfolks household as you cash your check for $10,000,000." And this strangely personalized letter goes on and on about them, mentioning them by name over and over again and even specifying their home address. It doesn't matter that the letter is 7 years old, they still believe that they've won the big prize.
Okay, so my family doesn't read the fine print. They just sit and wait for the checks to arrive in the mail. No, their house isn't on cinder blocks, but they still think that Mr. Ed can really talk, even though he has clearly moved on, has dropped the Mr. title and now plays a lawyer who returns to his small hometown to buy a Bowling alley where he practices his profession. The fact that this horse can talk doesn't seem so far fetched now, does it? Okay, enough about lawyers, let's talk about IRS agents.
Previously on Push, Nevada
To recap some of the first episode, our hero is lowly IRS agent Jim Prufrock, who receives a mysterious fax that sends him racing in his old Rambler to a small town in Nevada where things are looking fishier than my tail flippers. He grapples with a man whose initials are, oddly enough, SB. My favorite scene, the one that had me taking notice (i.e. woke me up from a nap), was when SB angrily referrs to Jim Prufrock as, and I quote, "Monkey boy, Monkey Monkey Monkey Butts, Monkey Boy, Monkey nuts boy, Get out of here, Monkey Nut!" With that, SB takes a swig out of his flask. Does any of this sound familiar? Does anyone else think that Ben Affleck reads the SB boards?
Next, a suave tall man enters the room and threatens SB. He is good looking in a dreeemy kind of way, if you SB ladies know what I mean. His name is Mr. smoooth (this is not a typo) and he is the mad as all heck at the lousy management provided by Silas Bodnick (SB), who has clearly been pilfering money from the safe and doctoring the books.
At the risk of sounding like Paul Harvey, I'll stop here and let the Episode 1 summary writer fill in the rest of the story.
Episode 2 begins
Jim dreams of past events, the Masked man who saved him, but killed Silas Bod-got-nicked-by-a-knife, a close up of the masked man's red serpent tattoo, and Mary who is seductively saying "We don't sleep past 7 here."
The same phrase is being yelled through the door by an irate Martha, the inn keeper. "I don't care for shiftless lay abouts." She chides. Who is this woman? Does he owe her something? Does he have the rocks to tell her where to go? No, he apologizes for sleeping in and promises it will never happen again. Whatever, Prufrock.
Jim calls his office to tell Grace the secretary to call his boss Ira Glassman and tell him that Jim witnessed the murder of Silas Bad-nick-on-my-bod. As he's talking, our lowly IRS agent looks over to the West Wing (hey, this is ABC, why are they promoting a NBC show?) He watches Mary stripping down to her underwear. Now that she has his attention, Mary draws her shade to reveal a yellow note that says "I want you. Come and get me, big boy". Not really, just trying to make it interesting. The real note says "Meet me tonight @ Sloman's".
Oh, boy, this can only mean one thing - she's going to tease him again, and not in a neener neener neener kind of way.
Commercials Now they show everyone what I can buy with my new riches when, not if, I win this thing.
I can buy a 2002 Toyota Camry - priced less than last year's model, because it is last year's model already. Then they show me upside down people who need Sprint to get them upright again. I don't need Sprint, cause I pretty much remain upright most of the time. Now it's J.C. Penney fall fashions, yup, I'm going to be stylin' with the off the rack stuff.
ABC shows - "NYPD Blue", a special Hawaiian "My Wife & Kids"
Now there are 3 men talking on cell phones while driving. Multiple choice question:
a. another Sprint commercial.
b. a public service announcement about not driving while talking on your cell phone.
c. part of the Push, Nevada plot
d. an obvious product placement
e. all of the above
f. none of the above
Well, they are all following each other in identical black cars and talking on the cell phones. Isn't it odd that none of these men can afford a hands free system for their cars? Nothing else to see here, so we will move on.
Here we are at the Versailles Casino. A lime is sacrificed in a red guillotine so it can be served up in a drink to one of the 3 men who were previously seen driving and talking on the phone. They ask the VP to see the casino safe. We find out that the thermal camera can't detect anything that is less than 80 degrees. Excuse me, but can someone please explain why they are using a thermal camera instead of a regular one?
The VP tells the 3 men that a million and change was taken along with an old bible and that 800 K was left in the safe. There is also a shot of some gold bars still left in the huge safe.
Next, we see Jim Prufrock at the Push, Nevada sheriff's office. Jim meets Dawn the dimpled dimwit who is drinking out of a personalized mug and wondering out loud how JP knew her name - hey, lady, you must make one heck of a deputy.
Jim turns on the charm for the first time that we can see and flatters Dawn into showing us her dimples. He asks to see the Sheriff. Dawn tells him the Sheriff is busy. Jim can see that the Sheriff is busy, tracking down his dental plague with a string of floss.
Well, the uptight Jim Prufrock is there to report a murder that the Sheriff is clearly not interested in hearing about, but the next scene is of the 3 of them driving in the Sheriff's car to the scene of the murder, now a pile of ashes. The 3 men from the other scene show up and introduce themselves as being from the Gaming Commission and everyone starts to treat Jim Prufrock as though IRS means Invisible Rude Snot. Not only that, but they don't seem to hear what he is saying, and they declare the death of Silas Bodnick a suicide.
They part company with the Sheriff's advice to the 3 men being, "Stay hydrated." I guess he didn't want them to become invisible like poor lowly IRS agent Jim Prufrock.
Back at the Sheriff's office again, JP continues to get the brush off and stays invisible, until Sheriff good ol' Boyd and Deputy Dimples decide to go to lunch. Then they chase him out of their office.
The 3 men are still at the scene of the burnt house, finding a blackened empty safe.
Commercials More stuff I can buy now that I'm rich: The same Sprint commercial with upside down people. A warm fuzzy Home Depot commercial about a mother explaining to her out of the house kid that they have converted his bedroom into a way oversized, yet beautiful bathroom.
A movie ad for "One Hour Photo" starring Robin Williams. With the convenience and economy of digital cameras these days - isn't this movie already dated?
Beautiful hair Tresemme now affordable and with vitamins.
"The last time you drooled this much, your mother was changing your diapers." Hmmm, makes me want to buy a 2002 Toyota Camry, shur.
Tuesday is the best night of television, only not on ABC. "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter" starring John Ritter is followed by "Life with Bonnie" & "NYPD Blue"
Back to the show. Jim drives back to Job's garage where he introduces himself to a thermally challenged man who is shaking with cold in the desert heat while dressed in a winter coat, hat and scarf. The cold one says his name is "Caleb M-M-Moore". Jim asks about Job's whereabouts and eventually uses this line: "I work for the Federal Government. Lying to me is a Federal crime."
All I can say is "Whatever, Jim." Caleb spews his guts about how he stole the money and then says he's not saying anything else.
Job returns to the garage just then and Jim shows an inordinate amount of interest in Job's tattoes, asking to see them. Well, yeah, buddy, they are all over his exposed arms and chest, so why do you have to ask? Jim expresses interest in getting one himself, I'm guessing so he won't be invisible anymore.
Jim gets excited when Job finally gives him directions to the tattoo artist who lives just down the road in the trailer from hell. The nameless freaky tattoo artist won't agree to talk to Jim unless he will do whatever the freak wants him to do, so Jim leaves.
We cut to a scene with Mary in Caleb's dumpy room at Job's garage. Caleb is out of the shower and naked. For pete's sake, Ben, why can't we girls at least get some decent eye candy instead of some bald, fat, middle aged, and frigid naked guy. Definitely a disappointment.
Mary seductively gets Chilly Caleb to disclose where the money is, handcuffs the poor popsicle to his own bed, puts on her coat, promises him she'll BRB, and leaves.
Commercial break: Lucy Lui and Antonio Banderras new movie. A Lowes commercial, apparently we have changed sponsors in the 2nd half of the show. Another chance to buy a 2002 Toyota. Canned chicken flavored sodium, referred to as Campbell's soup. ABC's new medical show "mds". The 2003 Nissan Ultima (finally a new car commercial). T-Mobile for world class service. An chick talking about how "cool" her PT Cruiser is.
Back to the show: Mary is sitting next to a disheveled homeless looking man named Shadrach talking about Demon Head Flats. Jim shows up and starts making inquiries. Mary introduces them and Shadrack asks "Any relation?" Mary directs the conversation elsewhere and Shadrach tells JP that he used to be a town official before... you know. Shadrach is now an artist who feels inspired by the desert, selling his work for 5 to 20 dollars. Jim hands Shadrach a 5 dollar bill and Shadrach leaves to find a suitable piece of art, while Mary and Jim discuss Bodynicked. Three cowboys come into the bar and leave. Mary and Jim dance together and talk about his failed marriage.
The 3 "Gaming Commissioners" are watching a film of Caleb and Mary in action. They listen carefully to find out what Caleb told Mary about the location of the money.
In the meantime, Caleb is chattering with cold, still handcuffed to the bed when some unknown assailant ices him down like Walt Disney. Hmmm, just another reason to not see "Disney on Ice".
Commercials Monsters, Inc is now available on DVD and video. A State Farm Insurance commercial featuring a growing family. The new BK 99 cent value menu board invades a golf course and brags about food that Wendy's has been selling for years, well, except for the tacos. Clink here to see Tink's OT thresd. A Tum's ultra ad so you can counteract the BK value menu food. Another J.C. Penney fall fashion sale. Braking news from Midas. An ABC Primetime Exclusive is on next.
Prince William, ABC, Sept 29th - no, not the real prince, just a movie about him.
Back to the show:
Jim looks at his to do list: 1. Recon Demonhead Flats 2. Interview Caleb M-M-Moore 3. Find Man w/Serpent tattoo. He rambles over to Demonhead Flats and searches the area with a flashlight, map and compass in hand. When he comes to the crest of a hill, he sees what he says is "a lot of people", all of them searching the area with flashlights. A helicopter with a bright spotlight also searches the area and for a short time, seems to be chasing Jim. Jim finally collapses on a hill and the chopper flies away.
Jim returns to Martha's Inn where he sits next to a comatose man in a blanket while waiting for the crabby Martha to bring him tea or coffee. He rambles on over to Job's again to interview Mr. Moore. Sheriff Gaines and Deputy Dimples show up just as Jim finds Caleb on ice. The Sheriff declares it another suicide, but gee, Jim has his doubts. Ya think?
Jim receives a phone call from my husband's exwife, darn it (well, they are both named Darlene). No, it's really his wife and she sounds repentant and eager to return to Jim even though there is another man's voice in the background.
Jim goes on to complete his to do list item # 3.
The episode ends with our hero, getting his back tattooed while we get a close up of his tongue and tonsils complete with saliva webs forming in his mouth. Hey, not attractive. As Femme said in chat one night, "Sorry you had to see that, Silvergirl."
Episode 3 title: "The Color Of.."
The color of the new tattoo ink?
Goodbye, everybody! Silvergirl has left the PN Summary Pool!
Edited for formatting, tweaking and typos
From the book of John 5:1: Have a nice long vacation, dude and keep your eye out for skateboarders on the beach!