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Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 08-25-08, 08:36 AM (EST) "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 11 - "I'm Like His Black Danni"" INTERVIEW: "The Amazing Race" Hogettes Reggie McGowan and Dan August Talk "Race" teammates and die-hard Washington Redskins fans Reggie McGowan and Dan August could only keep up with the younger, faster teams for so long before their age and inflexibility showed in a task involving Shaolin kung fu. At the end of the leg, one that included a never-before-seen crossover with "Survivor," the 41-year-old supermarket manager from Arlington, VA and the 45-year-old TV cameraman from Baltimore, MD were the eighth team to be eliminated from the longest and most challenging "Race" ever. On Thursday, Reggie and Dan talked to RealityTVWorld.com about their experience on the Race, how much their age really showed, Dan's relationship with fellow contestant Leilani Kamanu, how they handled the news of the suicide bombing, and what the crossover with "Survivor: China" was like. RealityTVWorld.com: How were you cast for the Amazing Race? Reggie: "Boss Hogette" {Michael Torborg, the founder and leader of the Hogettes} wanted to get a Hogette on a reality show to raise awareness for the charities we work with, and Dan and I had an existing friendship outside the Hogettes, so we sent in a tape. Dan: We're fairly new to the Hogettes, so it was kind of a way to get initiated with the group; I've been a Redskins fan all my life and always was fascinated with the Hogettes. RTVW: I have to ask - what exactly is a Hogette? Dan: You wouldn't be the first to ask and won't be the last. We're a group of lifelong Redskins fans who wear dresses and pig snouts to games. The pig snouts are in honor of the old offensive line of the Redskins known as the Hogs. Boss Hogette had worn the dress as a costume, and it caught on. Reggie: We also do charity work and visit hospitals and raise money. That was part of the reason we came on the Race. RTVW: You mentioned a few times that you intended to auction off any trips you won for charity. Reggie: The trip to Vancouver Island will be auctioned off at a charity event this New Year's Eve, and the proceeds will be divided among a few charities, including the Leukemia Research Foundation. RTVW: Reggie, tell me about your son, Joe. Reggie: Joe was diagnosed with leukemia four years ago; it broke my heart, but we found a bone marrow match and he's doing fine now. I was thankful for all the support I got, so I decided to make it my mission to help other people in Joe's situation. Dan: By letting everyone know his dad wears a dress. (The room erupts in laughter.) RTVW: We also know that {"Teacher and Former Student" Carrie Burnside and Dana Quinn} were playing for another leukemia survivor. Was there any kinship between you guys? Dan: Definitely. We got to Hogettes up to San Francisco earlier this year for a game, and we got to meet {Carrie's boyfriend} Rex, and he's a hell of a nice guy, even if he is a 49ers fan. Reggie: They didn't show a lot of it, but we did spend a lot of time talking to Carrie about her experience. They mostly showed her talking with ("Father and Son" Charlie and Derek Forrest) because of the whole romance angle. RTVW: Did the sparks between Carrie and Derek look real? Reggie: I saw the end of the last season of "Survivor" where Derek couldn't keep away from that girl {"Survivor: All-Stars II" contestant Danni Boatwright.} I knew he wasn't letting it go anywhere with Carrie, even if it looked like it. Dan: Mostly, it was just desperation between those two after the suicide bombing. That's what Carrie told me after the show. RTVW: You were one of the teams that wasn't in the suicide bombing. From what we saw, you found out when you saw {"College Friends" Alex Vladikov and Elena Mendeleeva} crying at the check-in point. Was that accurate? Dan: We had no idea what went on. One of the cameramen who died had followed us for the past three legs, and they assigned him to {"Ex-Girlfriends" Allison "Spike" Blades and Jennifer Ellsworth} for the Israel leg. I only cried once on the show, and it was when they said he died. Reggie: We were one of the teams that shared a lot of things with the camera and sound guys. Some teams barely said anything and only spoke during confessionals. Dan: We just never shut up. RTVW: At the Pit Stop, the teams that were in the bombing shaved their heads, but many put on head coverings. What was with that? Reggie: Derek caught some shrapnel in his face at the bomb site, and the medics had to shave his head and his beard. The other teams didn't want him to feel like he was alone, so they did the same. Dan: I offered, but they told me it was OK if I didn't do it. I decided, what the hell; I'll enjoy my hair for as long as I still have it. RTVW: Did you have any idea that the other teams were suffering from post-traumatic stress from the events in Tel Aviv? Reggie: We were aware, yes. There wasn't much we could do, since we were under contract and couldn't really convince some of our castmates to go into counseling. RTVW: Were there obvious symptoms while you were still on the Race? Dan: Yes. Derek was having nightmares, and it caused a bit of a rift between him and Carrie after the China leg. Some nights, they shared sleeping quarters, and Carrie complained that she didn't get any sleep because Derek was screaming at her about "staying down." Reggie: I'm a pretty sound sleeper, so I was lucky enough to miss most of it. Dan: You're lucky. I heard everything. RTVW: What was the China leg like? Dan: We tried to get the bombing out of our minds. And then, the next thing we know, Derek almost gets killed eating a pepper. It's like we can't escape the grip of death. Reggie: It was almost a relief to be eliminated when we were. There was too much near-tragedy going on every leg. Spike and Carrie ended up in the hospital, and Derek almost died. It's hard to watch. RTVW: What about the reward challenge with the Survivors? How was that? Dan: I didn't last long. But I did enjoy meeting some of the other players. I think Charlie got more out of it than we did, though. Reggie: I chatted with {"Survivor: China" castaway James Clement} a bit, and he's a pretty good guy. Dan: I remember Jennifer telling him that he should wait until his gut tells him to use an immunity idol, or something like that. Reggie: Shouldn't matter; they'd be crazy to let him get his hands on one of those things. RTVW: Dan, are you still chatting with Leilani? Dan: Yes; I call her every Wednesday night after the Race airs here in Maryland, and we spend a good hour or two chatting. I'm glad I met her. I told her I'd fly out to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl with her if she was interested, and she is. Reggie: It's a date, then? Does she want you there as a Hogette? Dan: We're not dating. I'm actually dating someone else right now who was, oddly enough, a fan of Leilani and her sister. RTVW: Was dating ever really a consideration for you two? Dan: Not any moreso than for, say, Derek and Carrie. I brought it up at one point, but she wasn't interested and wanted to stay friends. I'm happy with that. RTVW: So what's next for you guys? Back to the Hogettes? Reggie: Absolutely. Dan and I are doing charity fundraising in our spare time and enjoying this season; we're hoping our team catches Dallas for first place so we have a bigger stage for our charity events. Dan: I left my job as a TV cameraman and am going full-time as a motivational speaker here at the end of the year. Reggie: You'll be good at that. Dan: I figured I can wear a dress and root for the opposing team in Philly, so speaking can't be too hard. The Show Begins - air date 11/26/2008 The introductory shot is of the skyline of Tel Aviv; the focal area is Yarkon Park, closing in on the amphitheater, which is lit up for the night. Phil (voice-over): Previously on the Amazing Race...seven shell-shocked teams set out from Tel Aviv, Israel, the site of the worst disaster in Race history, for Nanchang, China. The players who were in the suicide bombing and their teammates all shaved their heads for solidarity after Derek was wounded. Carrie: You think we'll get a lot of looks there for being bald? Dana: I doubt it. Maybe for being beautiful. Phil (voice-over): Reggie and Dan were still baffled by the bombing. Dan: Why would anyone kill themselves to blow up a building? Reggie: It's like what happened on 9/11, only on a smaller scale. These people believe they become martyrs by killing themselves to kill non-Muslims. Dan: I've worked with Muslims who are nothing like that and think that suicide bombings are stupid. Reggie: They are stupid. Phil (voice-over): Derek and Carrie's friendship reached another level. Carrie: Come on. We need to get on the plane, but first-- Derek: All right, Carrie, you can kiss me. Carrie: I was going to say I needed something to eat, but since you asked, I guess I have no choice. (confessional) Dana: I watched Carrie kiss Derek at the gate for what felt like forever. Phil (voice-over): On the way to China, Jim tried to get Tina to open up. Jim: I know you don't like to talk about what happened to you. Tina: I haven't told anyone since I left for college. Jim: I always thought I'd be the first. Tina: I know it's not fair to you to have a girlfriend who won't even touch you. Jim: It's rough, but I live with it. You shouldn't have to be so afraid of contact, though. Tina: I can't exactly get over it like that, though. Jim: I know. Phil (voice-over): And he tried to start healing her. Jim: Tina, I hope it's OK if I hold your hand. Tina: I-I don't know what to say. Jim: It's OK if you say no. I just feel like-- Tina: I have to start somewhere. I just wish we weren't in the middle of a race for a million dollars while I did this. Phil (voice-over): Upon landing in Nanchange, teams discovered just how lost they really were. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Carrie: And then I find out two things that really hurt. One is that they speak some completely different dialect of Chinese here that no one's ever heard of. Dana: And the only team that knows anything about this part of the world is the team we all hate. Phil (voice-over): While other teams were surprised by the surroundings. Dan: This is nothing like I thought it would be. Reggie: Well, I guess it's a little like judging the U.S. by New York and L.A. This is a little more like, I don't know, Louisiana. Phil (voice-over): At the Detour, some teams were afraid to try eating hot peppers, so they went fishing instead. Bryan: I have a sensitive stomach. Let's do Bite. Jeffrey: Good. I hate spicy food. Phil (voice-over): Of the Solid Gold teams, all but Tina and Jim attempted Kick, and Spike and Carrie encountered a small difficulty. Spike (muffled): I wish I didn't have a pierced tongue. Carrie: Now you tell me. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Carrie: Spike was a good guinea pig for me, since we both have our tongues pierced; I did the smart thing and took my tongue rings out before I ate. Dana: So as long as her tongue doesn't swell up, she's in good shape. Carrie: Don't taunt me like that. Phil (voice-over): Dana's taunting nearly proved true for another player, though, as the situation turned dangerous. Carrie: Derek, are you all right? Derek (slurred and muffled): I can't breathe. Derek falls to the ground, clutching his throat. Charlie: Damnit, is there a medic here? Carrie: We have a man down! Phil (voice-over): Spike thought fast, however, and a medic used an epipen to open Derek's airway up again. Charlie: Be gentle, Carrie. Derek (raspily): Thanks, guys. Carrie: I'd do anything for you, Derek. Derek: You really came through. Derek throws his arms around Carrie with his limited strength; he kisses Carrie on the lips, and she smiles broadly. Carrie: You're sweet, Derek, but I'm not the hero. Spike came up with the idea of using an epipen; that's what saved you. Spike kneels beside Derek, and he kisses her on the cheek. Spike: It's the least I could do after you saved my life in Tel Aviv. Phil (voice-over): Derek revealed the cause of his near-death experience. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: I was an idiot. I knew I was allergic to cayenne pepper; I had to go to the hospital for it two years ago. But I didn't think about it, and I forgot that the Portuguese brought cayenne peppers to China. Charlie: I hate to make you feel more like an idiot, but they use those things in General Tso's Chicken, and you haven't been able to eat Chinese food for years. Derek: Of course. I'm so dumb. Phil (voice-over): Recovered from Derek's allergic reaction, the teams met at a campsite along the Yangtze River, where they received a surprise. Cut to a Survivor-style challenge set; there are eight tables with various items and two covers. Jeff Probst stands at the back of the set. Jeff: Come on in, guys! Phil (voice-over): The players chosen for the Roadblock competed tournament-style in a strategy game with nine Survivors. Right away, Spike sparred with one of them. Courtney: What the hell are you supposed to be? Spike: I'm the girl who's kicking your bony ass. Phil (voice-over): However, Spike got the last laugh. Jeff: Spike wins the match. Courtney: Go to hell. Jeff: But the barbs continue. Phil (voice-over): Competing for time credit, the Racers did very well, and the final match was between Charlie and Jim. Charlie almost put it away to earn a trip for two to Hong Kong and Macau courtesy of Travelocity. Jeff: Charlie ahead three-two! One more and Charlie's going to Hong Kong and Macau! Charlie, are you taking Derek or Paula? Charlie: I might have to take Danni. Both the Survivors and Racers laugh; Jeff appears to double over laughing. Jeff: One more point and Charlie's got a second date with Danni. Phil (voice-over): However, Charlie couldn't seal the deal, and Jim won the trip. Jeff: Charlie out of stars and options! Jim: I'm just going to use a sword next, so sorry Charlie. Jeff: Jim wins the trip! Phil (voice-over): While Derek and Carrie showed just how close they had gotten. Charlie: Come on, guys. Let's pack it in--OK, Derek, this is a little ridiculous. A quick flash shows Carrie on Derek's lap; the two are kissing passionately. Charlie: I need a crowbar to keep those two apart. Jeff: Derek, are you sure Danni's OK with this? Derek breaks the kiss in a bit of a daze. Derek: I'm sorry, did you say something? I had my tongue in Carrie's mouth. Phil (voice-over): While Spike and Dana flirted openly as well. Jeff: OK, guys. Carrie and Dana won't be leaving with Charlie and Derek, unfortunately. Dana (arm around Spike): It's OK; I can wait. Spike: I can definitely wait. Jeff: You have got to be kidding me. Phil (voice-over): At the Shaolin Monastery, Jim's knee was giving him difficulty as the monks there tried to teach them kung fu. Cut to all three teams practicing; Derek throws up a hand block while Spike does a leg kick. Jim, in awe, watches his monk do the same, and he kicks his right leg in the air while most other teams used their left. Monk: You use your other leg. Jim: I have a bad knee. I have to use this leg. Phil (voice-over): However, using his other leg proved to give him and Tina an advantage, and they finished first. Cut to Tina and Jim at the Pit Stop. Phil: You're team number ONE! Phil (voice-over): And they got yet another trip for their troubles. Phil: As the winners of this leg of the Race, you have won a seven-night trip to Shanghai, China for Chinese New Year. Jim: That's awesome. That's right at the start of the offseason; I'll need a vacation. Phil: I also understand you won another trip. Tina: Jim won it. We're going to be here in China a lot. Phil (voice-over): Charlie tried to smash a board with his bad arm. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Charlie: I'm an idiot, too. Derek almost got himself killed, and I almost got my arm broken. I should have used my good arm, but for reasons known only to God, I used my bad arm. Derek: We'll get some ice on it, Dad. You'll be fine. If Jim made it this far on an injured knee, you should be fine. Phil (voice-over): Despite the setback, they arrived at the Pit Stop carrying Carrie and Dana on their backs again. Cut to Carrie dismounting Derek and Dana dropping from Charlie's back. Phil (voice-over): And the sexual tension between Carrie and Derek reached a near boiling point. Phil: Jeff told me there are a lot of sparks between you two. Carrie, is that-- Phil is interrupted by seeing Carrie kiss Derek and slide her hands under his shirt. She starts to moan softly, and Derek stops her as she reaches for his belt buckle; he breaks the kiss. Derek: Easy, baby. Carrie: To answer your question, Phil, we went through a lot together. He's lucky I don't have my way with him right here. Charlie: Come on, lovebirds. Carrie, you can tear Derek's clothes off here at the Pit Stop. Carrie: Oh, believe me, I intend to. Carrie winks at Derek and grabs his hand as the teams head back. Phil (voice-over): The teams outside the Solid Gold alliance struggled. (confessional) Bryan: This hasn't been my best leg. I should know China, but I'm completely out of my element, and I got killed at the Roadblock. I just hope we stay in it. Phil (voice-over): Reggie and Dan arrived earlier than some teams, but they couldn't master the moves. Dan: Damnit, I'm too fat for this. Reggie: One swift motion, Dan. Dan: All too often that motion puts me on the ground. Reggie: I know what you mean. Phil (voice-over): And it cost them their chance to stay in the Race. Cut to Reggie and Dan at the Pit Stop. Phil: I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the Race. Phil (voice-over): Six teams remain. Who will be eliminated next? The opening credits begin to roll. At first, a Mercator projection of the world in black, green, and yellow, with the Amazing Race logo superimposed over it cuts to a view of an airplane flying above a layer of clouds. The phrase "14 teams of 2" appears on screen. The first team shown on screen is Leilani and Kea against an island backdrop. The credits continue to Carrie and Dana outside a college building, Hayley and Alexis in front of a row of prison cells, Reggie and Dan outside FedEx Field, Bobby and Caroline in front of their Colorado home, Ray and Jamal in front of a panoramic shot of the Gulf of Mexico, Tina and Jim on a football field sideline with a medical pod in the backdrop, Debra and Bob on a hilly road with their bikes, Alex and Elena on a college green, Jeffrey and Bryan in front of a construction site, Spike and Jennifer outside Seattle's City Hall, and Steve and Darius on a chicken ranch. In this ending, Eric and Jessica appear outside Jessica's home in Kansas, and Charlie and Derek appear on a hockey rink. The screen cuts to commercial.   Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

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Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 08-25-08, 08:37 AM (EST) 1. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 11 - "I'm Like His Black Danni"" Blog Entry, 11/20/2008 Authored by: Mike Gardner, hollywoodhillbilly Seventh place out of fourteen. On one hand, it's not bad for a couple of middle-aged fat guys in pig noses who are playing for charity...sort of. They each pocketed $6,000 for their experience on the Race in addition to the trip, which might just buy them a tank of gas to get to FedEx Field for a Redskins game. Or they could carpool and get a beer there, too. Whatever makes them happy. My main disappointment is that they didn't outlast those jerks from Ohio. Admittedly, Reggie and Dan aren't exactly a team of destiny, but at least they're dedicated. To hear Bryan justify calling for the Ohio State coaching staff's heads on a platter after making two national championship games? And he's probably drawn the ire of even his own hometown fans by putting on that hat with that ugly-as-hell Avalanche logo on it - I may only be a casual hockey fan, but I can definitely see why the hockey contingent of Columbus wouldn't take kindly to the Avalanche after one of their guys whined his way to Denver. So yes, I admit I hated Bryan before he ripped the ring right out of Spike's face - and don't go telling me it was an accident. Not after he put that mushroom in her sandwich. I could have killed him, even if he didn't attack one of the Hogettes. But Reggie, when I asked him, told me he figured that those two assholes would get what was coming to them. Maybe he's right. But enough ranting about the team that cracked a smile when they heard about the suicide bombing. Reggie's son Joe is doing great; it's as if he was never sick. He sent us a picture of himself with a pig nose and a Redskins jersey - and we promptly sent it on to Rex in California. Rex and Joe are e-mail pals at this point; Rex even sent Joe an autographed jersey signed by Alex Ovechkin. A Capitals jersey, that is - Joe's even more into the Caps than the Redskins. Hey, as long as he can still whoop it up with the Hogettes, that's all we care about. Joe got to invite Rex out to Washington personally for New Year's Eve. We're having a charity auction, and the trip is going up for sale as our prize item. I'm kind of hoping that whoever wins the Race comes and buys it. I'm also hoping that the team that wins is...well, anyone but you-know-who and his racist sidekick, Hopalong Klan Bitch. Hmmm...e-mail in here from Reggie. Picture of Rex at the Golden Gate in a pig's nose with Carrie. She's pretty nice-looking for a Raiders fan...although all that metal in her tongue goes nicely with the metal she's wearing. Not that she and her blonde lover have a chance; they root for losing teams...damnit, by that logic, the Hopalong Klan Brigade wins. Damn. Damn. Wait. They finished second. Never mind. Sorry. Distracted by Carrie. Back to work now. Back from commercial. Cut to an overview of Nanchang, China, focusing on the Shaolin Monastery; it is early, well before dawn, but a couple of monks are outside practicing kung fu moves. The river is somewhat noisy at this time. Phil (voice-over): This...is Nanchang, China. This city in central China, home of five millennia of history and the site of the Shaolin Monastery was the tenth Pit Stop in a race around the world. Cut to the arrivals of Tina and Jim, Charlie and Derek, Carrie and Dana, and Alex and Elena. Phil (voice-over): Teams arrived here for a mandatory rest period. The teams waiting here have no idea what's in store for them. Will Carrie and Derek's budding romance spell an alliance or trouble for their teams? Will Tina and Jim stay with the Solid Gold alliance or got their own way? Tina and Jim, who were the first to arrive at 4:09 pm... Cut to Tina and Jim's departure. Phil (voice-over): ...will depart at 4:09 am. Tina: Fly to Tokyo, Japan-- Cut to Phil standing in downtown Tokyo and to several shots of busy Tokyo streets. Phil (voice-over): Teams must fly nearly 1,500 miles from Nanchang to Tokyo, Japan. Once there, they must find the statue of Moyai, where they will receive their next clue. The name "Moyai" is written in Japanese characters, and the only English clue is that is is a "gift from the island of Niijima." Cut to Tina and Jim. Tina: You have $250 for this leg of the Race. Jim: For once, we're rolling in money. Tina: Let's not go nuts. Cut to Spike and Jennifer, second to depart at 4:12 am. Jennifer: Fly to Tokyo, Japan and find...whatever the hell this means. Gift from the island of Niijima. Good thing Derek speaks Japanese. Good thing we're in an alliance with him. Spike: You're welcome. Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer. Spike: We're counting on our alliance with Charlie and Derek to help us in Japan. I don't know anything about the country; it's so different from Seattle. Jennifer: Not that different. Spike: Really. Cut to Carrie and Dana, third to depart at 4:17 am. Carrie: Fly to Tokyo, Japan and find--OK, we're waiting for Charlie and Derek. Dana: Maybe your new boyfriend can carry us there, too. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Carrie: The alliance with Charlie and Derek was for strategic reasons at first, plus the fact that I was always a fan of Charlie's, but now the attraction between me and Derek has reached a boiling point. Dana: It's a little ridiculous, but if we keep staying in the game, I don't mind. Cut to Charlie and Derek, fourth to depart at 4:18 am. Derek: Fly to Tokyo, Japan and find Moyai. I know right where that is. Charlie: You're kidding me. Derek: Three years of college Japanese didn't go for nothing, Dad. As they start walking, they see Carrie and Dana waiting. Dana: Room for two more, guys? Derek: I guess. The more, the merrier. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Charlie: Carrie and Dana are a lot of fun to be around, and we definitely want their big, sexy brains on our side, so if that means Carrie hangs all over Derek so we stay in this thing, so be it. Derek: This isn't like Survivor, where people would vote us off for being too close. So if staying in Carrie's good graces means things get heated between us, so be it. Cut to inside the first car; Charlie is driving while Dana is in the back seat navigating. Inside the second car, Carrie is driving while Derek navigates. Dana: So are we all still in an alliance? Because that would be super. Charlie: Look, I don't know what's going on between you and Spike, but don't you have a boyfr-I mean, girlfriend? Dana: And doesn't your son have a girlfriend? Charlie: I don't know what's going on between them. (confessional) Dana: Before we left, things got really intense between Carrie and Derek. And I see he's actually letting her drive? She must have been incredible. Cut to Alex and Elena, fifth to depart at 4:37 am. Alex: Fly to Tokyo, Japan, and find...the gift from the island of Niijima. OK, we're in trouble. Elena: Why? Alex: The thing we have to find is written in Japanese, and Derek speaks Japanese. And we don't. Elena: Aside from that, we're next to last. Alex: And we're the last team left that isn't Solid Gold. Elena: Or completely evil. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, last to depart at 4:54 am. Bryan: Fly to Tokyo, Japan and find...and we just lost the Race. Jeffrey: Give me that. Jeffrey yanks the clue out of Bryan's hand and reads it quickly. Jeffrey: We're fine. Bryan: Maybe someone in Tokyo speaks English. No one here does. (confessional) Bryan: I was a little unhappy because the clue had Japanese characters in it, and the strongest team here has a Japanese speaker on it. We didn't exactly lose the Race, but we're hardly coming in first here. Cut to Nanchang International Airport; Tina and Jim, currently in first place, are purchasing tickets. Jim: We need to get to Tokyo like there's no tomorrow. Agent: The next flights leave at 8:00 am. The ones we have available go through Beijing and land in Tokyo at 5:50 pm. Jim: That's the fastest? Agent: Yes. That is the fastest. Seats on this flight are nearly full. Team confessional, Tina and Jim. Tina: The fact that we won the last leg was good for the prizes and all, but it also put us in a great position for this leg. We got a good flight and we're on our way to Tokyo ahead of other teams. Jim: Plus we got a free upgrade to business class, so there was actually room to rest my knee. Cut to Carrie and Dana, currently in third place, at the ticket counter. Carrie: So you do have seats on the next flight to Tokyo? Agent: The flight goes through Beijing and lands in Tokyo at 5:50 pm. Seats are almost gone. Carrie: Are there enough for our friends here? Agent: Let me check. The agent looks at her computer quickly. Agent: Yes, You are on the flight. Carrie: Thank you so much. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Carrie: I'm keeping Charlie and Derek very close this leg because they know their way around Japan. Dana: And because you want to get Derek's pants off. Carrie: Well, it is a long flight. Dana: That's what I thought. Cut to Alex and Elena, currently in fifth place, arriving at the ticket counter; Elena is out of breath. Elena: What is the fastest way to get to Tokyo? Agent: We have a flight that gets in at 6:50 pm and goes through Beijing. Elena: Is there anything faster? Anything on a flight that opened up? Agent: I will check. The agent looks at her computer for a moment; she looks back up with a dead-pan expression. Agent: Something just opened up on a flight that gets in at 5:50. You are on the flight. Elena: Thank you so much. Team confessional, Alex and Elena. Elena: Being persistent paid off again. I got us on an earlier flight, and we're probably even with some other teams and ahead of the jerks. Alex: Now it's anyone's race again, if we can stay ahead of Michigan. Cut to a Mercator projection of the world; the cities of Nanchang, Beijing, and Tokyo are highlighted with flight lines going between them. Phil (voice-over): All teams are now on their way to Tokyo Japan via Beijing, China. Jeffrey and Bryan are the only team on a flight that arrives at 6:50 pm; all other flights arrive at 5:50 pm. Cut to Flight #2, Beijing to Tokyo. Noticeably, Derek and Carrie are seated next to each other; Carrie has her arms around Derek. Derek: I really think we went too far in the last leg. Carrie: Relax; we're just having fun. Derek: I don't think Danni sees it that way. I'm afraid when she sees this, it's over for us. Carrie kisses Derek on the cheek as he put his hand on his forehead in apparent emotional pain. Carrie: Look, if it helps, it was all my idea. Derek: It doesn't help. I feel like I have no self-control. Carrie: Derek, look me in the eyes. Derek (head in his hands): I'm a complete bastard. Carrie: No, you're a hell of a nice guy who's the only reason I'm alive. Derek: Come on, Carrie. I'm not a hero. I didn't really do anything that anyone else wouldn't have. Carrie: You are so hard on yourself. You wouldn't let anyone give you credit if you saved a house full of orphans from a fire. Derek: Like I've ever done anything that heroic. Carrie: Just relax, Derek. Let me rub your shoulders. (confessional) Derek: I'm really going through a lot of things right now. Danni and I just started dating, and...I know I really shouldn't feel this way, but...in the situation I'm in, I've grown very close to Carrie and it's hard to keep her at a distance. Cut to the plane; Carrie is massaging Derek's neck and shoulders. Derek is rolling his neck to stretch out. Carrie: You feeling better, handsome? Derek: You always know how to make me feel good. Carrie: That's what I'm here for. Derek: You're an awesome friend, Carrie. I'm glad we're here together. Carrie: We're more than friends. You know that. Derek turns around with a confused look. Carrie: Aside from Dana, you're my best friend. Derek laughs easily at Carrie's comment. Derek: Thanks for everything. Carrie: Now you're still going to do that thing where you...you know... Derek coils back in shock. Carrie: You know...tell me what all those Japanese words mean. Derek: Of course. And then later on we can find a nice place in Japan, have lunch and... Carrie gives a wide-eyed smile. Derek: ...talk strategy. Charlie: Good Lord, you two; just find an empty seat and do it already. Carrie: Don't have to tell me twice. Derek: Me either. Derek picks Carrie up in his arms, carries her over Dana, and the two find an empty row to sit in. Carrie leans in to kiss Derek, who seems to accept the kiss. The screen cuts to commercial.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 08-25-08, 08:38 AM (EST) 2. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 11 - "I'm Like His Black Danni"" Blog Entry, 11/27/2008 Authored by: Vladimir Ivanov, iswearimnotacommunist Well, I think we all know how the producers were hoping for this to go from the minute that coffee shop went kaboom. They got their first wish - all the players survived. Sadly, they did not get their second wish - they lost three production crew members. But their third wish? Seems to be falling into place, if the Israel and China legs are to be believed. The most abrasive team that doesn't have a wannabe murderer on it is gone. Then the team with no chance of winning. Last but not least, we have three categories of teams - the Solid Gold teams, the villains, and chopped liver, I mean, Alex and Elena. Conventional wisdom says they're next to go. But I look at it like this. Of the teams remaining, five have won a leg - only the tongue-piercing queen and her blonde lover, as Hollywood Hillbilly described second banana Dana, have yet to meet Phil first. And we have to believe that the Fast Forward is gone from here on out. That said, Blondie and Lovergirl aren't really in line to win a leg, and do the producers want another Eric and Danielle on their hands? Factor in the atrocious track record of all-female teams on the Race, and it looks like the team to cross the finish line first will be one in which neither member knows the joys of tongue-piercing. The producers' dream of a Hollywood ending in which the Solid Gold teams best the bad guys in the end won't be happening, if for no other reason than that the final leg has only three teams and that one of those spots is going to Team Spoiler. Call them what you will..."Tennessee," "Reds," "Team of No Consequence," they don't have a snappy nickname like the Hogettes or the Jerks. But snappy nicknames didn't win the Race for the likes of Rob and Brennan, TK and Rachel, Uchenna and Joyce, or the dreadful Freddy and Kendra. Remember, the people don't have to like who won. And it isn't like they don't like Alex and Elena - a 68% popularity rating is a very respectable fifth place among the teams left. It's nowhere near the 96% for Michigan, 91% for the punks, 88% for the lover-girls, or the 79% for the Bum Knees, and it even loses out to the Hogettes at 76%, but it's a far cry better than the solid 2% for Team Asshole. The Race is about being the best at the right time. And my guys winning would be a definite upset, considering that some of these tasks were created for Michigan to stay in it (hello? The entire Japan leg?) But at the same time, Derek's soft spot for the woman who is not his girlfriend will be his downfall. Get ready to hear it. "Alex and Elena, you are the official winners of The Amazing Race." That and, if they win, I have a good shot at the $10,000 prize CBS has for their Guess the order game. As good as production was at keeping spoilers out of the public eye - and they kept a suicide bombing a secret...or rather, that they were there a secret - there were few right guesses. So far I'm 6 for 8, with the only team still left that wasn't in my top six being the sexpots. (Good thing for me I had the Ravers going out this week.) Make that check out to Vladimir, V-L-A-D... Blog Entry, 12/1/2008 Authored by: William Carsten, wcarsten062874 So I'm now the most hated blogger in the history of blogging. Even more hated than Ann Coulter. And I didn't even do anything - honestly, I'm rooting for Tina and Jim. They're the home team around here, and I only did this blogging thing because I used to be friends with Bryan. The falling out was over the way he managed his department, which I won't go into here, but suffice it to say - he's managing the department in absentia. Mr. Big Shot VP is giving out orders through a team of managers that other groups derisively call the "Gang of Four." Masters Construction, Bryan's company, has four divisions, three of whom are managed by people who are in the Masters family. The other three divisions are considered models of how to run a company by their employees - annual raises, mobility, and low turnover because people like it there. Bryan Masters Sr. is a recovered workaholic who donates half of his salary to charity and travels the rest of the time, presumably because it keeps him from obsessing about his late wife. Bryan Jr., however, seems to have inherited his father's workaholic gene and his mother's micromanager gene. He's an intensely paranoid man who will resort to anything to get what he wants. He brags that his division has the highest profit margin in the company, the lowest employee turnover, and the most productivity, which is easy enough if you're running a construction sweatshop, as a few ex-employees claim. I worked as a manager in his sister Grace's division, and it was my falling out with Bryan Jr. that caused me to leave. The fallout followed me to California, where finding work was difficult despite the good word from Grace. I just hope Bryan doesn't do to the good people of the Race what he did to my career, even if I recovered. That man has more than one screw loose. Back from commercial. Charlie: Good Lord, you two, just find an empty seat and do it already. Carrie: Don't have to tell me twice. Derek: Me either. Derek picks Carrie up in his arms, carries her over Dana, and the two find an empty row to sit in. Carrie leans in to kiss Derek, who seems to accept the kiss. (confessional) Derek: I think the sexual tension is at a boiling point between me and Carrie. She's obviously attracted to me, and as much as it kills me to say it, I'm attracted to her as well. Cut to Carrie and Derek in the back row of seats; they have their arms around each other. Derek: So we did pretty well last year; we only lost six games and tied two. Carrie: I thought there were no ties in hockey. Derek: Not in the pros. In college, there still are. I like that better; shootouts never made any sense. Carrie: I like shootouts. Rex turned me on to hockey, and I think the shootout's kind of cool. Derek: I think of it like this. Would you settle a football game with two-point conversions? Carrie: That would be hard to do. Derek: That's why I don't like shootouts. If two teams play a tie game for 65 minutes, it should be a tie. Carrie: And no one wins? Derek: And no one wins. Carrie: As a fan, I can't imagine being sent home with a tie game. Someone needs to win. I'd rather have one team go home frustrated than two teams, and the fans want to see a winner. Derek: Wow. You're good. (confessional) Derek: She holds her own in a sports debate, she's smart, she's absolutely gorgeous, and she's a lot of fun. It's frustrating to keep saying no to her, but I have to. Cut to Narita International Airport; Flight #1, carrying Spike and Jennifer, Tina and Jim, and Alex and Elena has arrived at 5:47 pm. Flight #2, carrying Charlie and Derek and Carrie and Dana arrives at 5:52 pm. Cut to outside the airport; Spike and Jennifer, currently in first place, hail a taxi. Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer. Spike: In Europe, I felt like a freak. In Africa, people made me feel welcome. Here, I'm back to being a freak, but people are at least halfway decent about it. Jennifer: I don't think we've ever gotten so many stunned looks in our lives. Cut to Spike and Jennifer in the cab; Spike gives the cab driver the clue, pointing to the Japanese characters. Driver: Moyai. I know where that is. Cut to the statue of Moyai; Spike and Jennifer climb out of their cab and grab the clue. Jennifer: Travel to the Meiji Shrine-- Cut to Phil standing in front of the Meiji Shrins; the shrine is shimmering and has several Japanese characters on it. Phil: Teams must travel to the Meiji Shrine, a dedication to the Japanese emperor who opened up Japan to the world. They must find the torii, or entrance gate, to receive their next clue. Cut to Spike and Jennifer. Jennifer: We're so lost. Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer. Jennifer: Tokyo is the biggest maze I've ever been in. I've been to New York, and this is a lot bigger. Spike: I don't think we're in Seattle anymore; that's for sure. Cut to Alex and Elena, currently in second place; following them are Tina and Jim, currently in third place. Both arrive at nearly the same time at the statue of Moyai. Alex: Travel to the Meiji Shrine. Tina: The Meiji Shrine. Let's go. Team confessional, Tina and Jim. Tina: I have no idea where the hell I am. It's like being in constant traffic with no clue where anything is. Jim: Fortunately, we had a decent cab driver, or so we thought. Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in third place, leaving the statue of Moyai. Jim: We need to get to the Meiji Shrine. Driver: 理解してはいけない。(Subtitle: I don't understand.) Jim: Damnit, do you speak English? Driver: 英語を話してはいけない。(Subtitle: I don't speak English.) Jim: This is frustrating. Tina: Well, what the hell do we do? Jim: We need to figure out how to get this guy to communicate. Do you know any Japanese? Tina: Is that a serious question? Jim: Well, do something! Tina: Really? Do something? What the hell are you doing? Jim: I try to help! I try everything! Tina: Try not being a jerk next time! Team confessional, Tina and Jim. Jim: We gave up. We grabbed our things and just got out of the cab, and we handed the driver some amount of American currency that he seemed happy with. Tina: Apparently, downtown Tokyo is as hard to navigate for drivers as it is for us. Cut to Charlie and Derek, currently in fourth place, followed by Carrie and Dana, currently in fifth place. Carrie (struggling): そのタクシーに続きなさい。 彼らは私達の友人である。 (Subtitle: Follow that cab. They are our friends.) Dana: So Derek taught you something besides the overtime rule and how to get in his pants? Carrie: I don't see you climbing in another girl's pants to get ahead. Dana: Well, I play around with Spike... Carrie: Not like that. You're a friend to her. I'm like his black Danni. Dana appears shocked but starts to laugh; Carrie soon laughs. Carrie: I can't believe I just said that. Cut to Charlie and Derek; they are approaching the statue. Derek: ここに停止しなさい。 私達は戻る。(Subtitle: Please stop here. We will return.) Charlie: So that's what I send you to school for. Derek: はい。(Subtitle: Yes.) Charlie and Derek jump out of their cab and grab the clue; Carrie and Dana do the same, and the camera shows several Japanese people standing and gawking at them. Derek: Travel to the Meiji Shrine. Carrie: Can we follow you guys there? Derek: Be our guest. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: I knew I would get a lot of strange looks in Japan, but apparently someone like me is some kind of novelty here. Charlie: The average Japanese man is short, skinny, clean-shaven, well-dressed, and has a full head of hair. Derek: By contrast, I'm tall, beefy, bald, have a few days of beard growth, and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt. Charlie: I think the girls were getting their share of looks, too. Derek: It's not often a 6'2" black woman with no hair and a body like Carrie's walks into downtown Tokyo. Cut to Narita International Airport; Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in last place, arrive at a cab. Bryan has a Japanese-English dictionary. Bryan points to the clue with the Japanese characters. Bryan: 私達はここに着く必要がある。 速く行きなさい。Subtitle: We need to get here. Go fast.) Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Bryan: I decided that a Japanese dictionary would help out a lot here, since we needed to take away the edge Michigan had. Jeffrey: It's just like Chinese and Korean, in some ways. Bryan: Yeah, but it's still different. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan arriving at Moyai; both leap out of the car, leaving behind a $50 bill that flies out of Bryan's hand into the front seat. Bryan grabs the clue. Bryan: Travel to the Meiji Shrine. Let's get back in the--wait a second, where the hell's our cab? Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Bryan: Our cab driver went off without us. We had no idea where he went, but at least we had our stuff. Jeffrey: Something told me to take my bag, so I did, and it's a good thing. Cut to the statue of Moyai; Bryan is frantically searching for the team's cash. Bryan: We're short fifty bucks. Where the hell did our $50 bill go? Jeffrey: Great. Now the bastard cab driver left us stranded and has our money. Cab fare isn't that expensive around here, is it? Bryan: We need another way to Meiji Shrine. Let me see if we can get there by the subway. Jeffrey: There's a subway here? Bryan: Of course there's a subway. This place is just like New York. Jeffrey: And I suppose you're an expert on New York as well. Bryan: I know it a lot better than this place. Cut to Meiji Shrine; it is night, and the area is lit by artificial light. Spike and Jennifer, currently in first place, arrive. Spike: Roadblock. Who's a real character? Cut to Phil standing in front of the shrine. Phil: In this Roadblock, The chosen player must go to a wall of donated barrels of sake and find three barrels according to directions given in the clue. From there, they must copy the characters exactly using calligraphy pens. When the Shinto monk believes their characters are right, he will hand them their next clue. Cut to Spike and Jennifer. Spike: I'm the character. Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer. Spike: By total luck, I get the artsy Roadblock. Sure, I'm a musician, but I can draw, too. Jennifer: Have you ever done calligraphy? Spike: No, but it's just like painting. Jennifer: Not really. Cut to Spike at the Roadblock; the first character she is given appears to be the Japanese character corresponding to "water" (水). Spike: I wonder what any of this means. Too bad Derek's all over Carrie instead of Jen or we would know. Arriving soon at the Meiji Shrin are Alex and Elena, currently in second place. Elena: Roadblock. Who's a real character? You need this one. Alex: Got it. Alex runs over to grab some calligraphy paper; Spike has almost finished the character for "water" and is working on one of the characters corresponding to "warrior" (戦). Spike: This one's tough. Alex: Are you good with calligraphy? Spike: I can paint. Alex: I can do graphics, but never by hand. Following behind are Tina and Jim, currently in third place. Jim: Roadblock. Who's a real character? You better do this one. I think this involves writing in Japanese. Tina: Do I look like I speak Japanese? Jim: You can write a lot better than I can. Tina: OK, you're right. (confessional) Tina: It was a little daunting having to draw Japanese characters, but I know I would have had an easier time of it than Jim. That guy can't even write in English most of the time. Cut to the shrine; Spike is working on her final character, a set of two that correspond to "emperor" (皇帝). Spike: I see how it is. I have to do two for this one. Out of breath, Charlie, Derek, Carrie, and Dana arrive. Charlie: Roadblock. Who's a real character? You're the guy for this. Dana: Who's a real character? Can you do it? Carrie: I can do anything. Derek and Carrie arrive with calligraphy tools and paper in hand; each is given the character to copy. Carrie: Kiss for luck? Derek: Of course. Derek kisses Carrie on the lips; she giggles, and the two start working. Derek: I can't actually draw worth a damn. Carrie: We don't have to know what any of these mean, do we? Derek: The first one means "water." Carrie: Wow, you're good. (confessional) Carrie: I mostly looked to Derek for this leg, but it was nice to see him count on me for help, since I knew he had trouble drawing. Cut to Spike finishing her last character; her writing looks extremely similar to the ones provided. She hands hers to the monk, who is observing. The monk smiles and hands her the clue; Spike returns to Jennifer with it. Spike: Travel to Hiroshima-- Cut to Phil standing in front of the famous A-Bomb Dome in Hiroshima. Phil: Teams must now travel over 420 miles from Tokyo to Hiroshima by rail. Once they reach Hiroshima, they must travel here to the A-Bomb Dome, outside of which they will receive their next clue. Cut to Spike and Jennifer. Spike: Let's get going. Following Spike, Alex gets up and turns in his characters; the monk looks at him and nods. Alex takes the clue and rushes to Elena, bypassing Charlie and Dana, who are chatting idly while Jim sits nervously, rubbing his knee. Alex: Travel to Hiroshima by rail and find the A-Bomb Dome. Elena: We need to catch the Goths. I want to win. A quick pan to those competing shows Tina is beginning the character for "warrior" after tossing away several sheets; Derek has tossed away one and is even with Carrie at the end of that character. Both Derek and Carrie complete that character and continue on to the final set, the one for "emperor." Derek: These two mean "emperor." Carrie: I wonder why they chose that. Derek: Around here, the emperor is like their version of England's Queen. Carrie: Looks easier to write than the last one. Derek: I guess they had to give us two to work with-- Tina (annoyed): Why don't you guys just go somewhere and make out while the serious players try to figure this out? Carrie: OK, Tina, it's called a "chill pill." Now what's wrong? Tina: You guys are driving me crazy. I can't concentrate. Carrie: You threw away a lot. Can I help? Tina: I doubt it, but OK. (confessional) Carrie: I wanted to show Tina I was serious about the alliance and that I didn't just want to hang all over Derek. At the same time, if I didn't help her, hr seething and sighing would have driven me insane. Cut to Carrie helping Tina; Derek is busy transcribing the characters for "emperor" while Tina is almost done with "warrior." Tina: This one's really hard. Carrie: I know. I had to work really slowly and make sure I didn't miss a mark or anything. That monk is really picky. Tina: I don't get it. Why does it have to be so perfect? Derek: Changing the markings can change the meaning. It's like pointing the tail on a "g" the wrong way turning it into a "q." Tina: I still don't get it. Carrie: Do you need my help with the last one? Tina: I hope this is good enough. (confessional) Tina: I was really grateful that Carrie helped us out. She's not just in this for herself and Derek; she's serious about the alliance, so maybe I should be, too. Cut to Carrie and Tina finishing up the "emperor" characters; Derek has completed his but is waiting on Carrie. Carrie: OK, let's go. All three players hand their work to the monk, who approves it and hands them their next clues. Derek: Travel to Hiroshima by rail and find the A-Bomb Dome. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in last place, arriving at the Meiji Shrine. Bryan: Roadblock. Who's a real character? You need one, right? Jeffrey: I suppose. Jeffrey grabs her calligraphy tools and pen and looks over the character for "water." Jeffrey: I can't f------ do this. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Bryan: We were in distant last place, and there was no way out for us. On top of that, neither of us knows calligraphy. Jeffrey: We were beyond screwed at this point. So I just decided to do what I could. Cut to Jeffrey tossing away yet another paper in frustration; she has no characters completed. Jeffrey: F--- it. I'm done. Bryan: What the hell are you doing? Jeffrey: I'm done with this f------ challenge. We're skipping it. Bryan: What? You can't do that. You have to finish. Jeffrey: The only things I have to do are pay my f------ taxes and die, assh---. I'm finished. Jeffrey storms out and takes the clue from the monk, who sits idly. Phil (voice-over): The penalty for not completing a Roadblock is a four-hour time penalty assessed immediately upon the next team arriving. Since Jeffrey and Bryan were the last team at the Roadblock, the time penalty will be assessed at the Pit Stop. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan; Jeffrey is angrily shouting, and there are no taxis available. Jeffrey: Get us into a f------ taxi and get us to that s---hole Hiroshima. Bryan: Now calm down-- Jeffrey (sharply): Don't f------ tell me to calm down. I had to sit there with hands shaking and try to draw those ridiculous characters created by some short bastards who can't be bothered to learn English, and you wonder why I'm f------ upset? Then we have to go boo-hoo about some bomb that got dropped before any of us were born while those bastards from Michigan and the f------ monkey and bimbo that hang all over them have the time of their f------ lives? And you honestly can't figure out why I'm pissed? You're really a massive f------ bonehead in that case! See if you have a house to return to when you get home, you f------ jerk. Jeffrey throws her hands up and walks away from Bryan. The screen cuts to commercial.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 08-25-08, 08:41 AM (EST) 3. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 11 - "I'm Like His Black Danni"" Blog Entry, 12/1/2008 Authored by: Rex Majors, stillaliveandkicking Let me start off by saying that I've had a lot of time to process the last episode. I should rightfully be furious - seeing my girlfriend all over a guy who's taller, tougher, better-looking, and has more facial hair than me would put anyone into a jealous rage. But that's not what got to me - honestly, Carrie and Derek are friends, and he's a hell of a nice guy, but he's not trying to steal her. He has a girlfriend. She said it best - Carrie was just his "black Danni." I couldn't stop laughing at that. Right up until Queen Bitch decided to go into another of her racist, me-first tirades. OK, we get it, Jeffrey - you don't like black people. I read that the whole reason she turned into a half-insane racist was because, in high school, she was dating this guy who broke up with her out of frustration and started dating a college-age black woman a couple of months later. In Jeffrey's mind, she "stole" him from her, although I heard that he left because she was annoying. Take a note, Queen Bitch - you're married. You have kids. Don't make them into little versions of my racist cousin Ronnie, who actually FedExes me white supremacist propaganda every now and then. Thanks a lot, Ronnie; we were out of toilet paper, and that stuff really came in handy. Hearing the woman I love called any sort of ethnic slur is beyond infuriating. I don't remember the last time three days went by without one of us being referred to with some derivative of the "N" word. I'm kind of hardened to it - I've had two serious girlfriends besides Carrie, and both were of a different ethnic background from me. Through high school, a couple of people threatened to take my girlfriend and "stuff her in a trunk and take her back over the border where she belonged." That would be almost comical if not for the infuriating racist undertones, given that Juanita, my first love, was actually Nicaraguan and her parents were U.S. citizens. That and the fact that it's over 500 miles to the border from San Francisco. Enjoy the long drive, jerks. Someone pointed out that this team would be lucky not to end up as a statistic by the finale. Given that I would gladly toss Jeffrey off a cliff, and some nut job in Seattle is hot on Bryan's trail out of revenge, I can see that happening. Maybe there's a good reason we haven't heard a peep out of them since they got back. That and no one really wants to talk to them after the way they acted on the Race - and it's not like they'll be apologizing anytime soon. Arg. At least I know that those bitches are in hiding while I'm here at home with my gorgeous girlfriend who just happens to be a different color from me. Have fun running from whoever. Blog Entry, 11/30/2008 Authored by: Danni Boatwright, tonganoxiegirl Some of the stuff here on the internet is pretty amusing, even if it's completely ridiculous, insane, and stupid. According to a poll taken by the good people at Television Without Pity, 68% of viewers think Derek should be with Carrie instead of me. That's compared to 31% who think I'm the better choice and 1% who insist that Derek has to be gay. I'm guessing that about 0.99% of those ballots are from his loony ex-girlfriend, who thinks that, since Derek isn't dating her, he must be gay. Hmmm...when Derek can pick between filet mignon and lobster, is he really going to take shoe leather? When I made that crack, Derek kissed me and told me he "loves his filet mignon." I guess that means Carrie is his lobster, although somehow the image of Carrie as that giant lobster from that show set way in the future doesn't exactly make sense. I smiled and told Derek he'd be eating lobster the weekend of his last two games - I wouldn't be joining him. He almost hit the roof. He's frantically trying to reach some sort of compromise about this whole thing, knowing full well I'm not budging. His latest move? Renting Carrie a room at the nicest hotel here, or trying to, anyway; I stopped him. He tells me he's happy to see her, but he wants her to be at a bit of a distance, which he followed with, "and if she has to sleep with someone, she can knock on Howard's door; he'll be thrilled." Yes, we get it, Derek, Rob (who, for some reason, is always addressed by his surname by just about everyone on the team...just like everyone else) is constantly horny and thinks Carrie's a dream come true, but this isn't for him. I was pleased to see Rob redeem himself this afternoon before I left, though. He has a "friends with benefits" relationship with this firecracker named Cherise - a junior who's about 5'3", skin the color of dark chocolate (by her own description,) and hair with red streaks that are a bit reminiscent of Evel Dick, and one of the jerks on the team called her a "whore." Rob took exception and demanded that the guy take the comment back. He refused, saying that she "sleeps around" and is "easy." Rob changed the number of teeth he had with one punch, and he demanded that the bastard "never talk that way about her again." I felt for a second like I could stand to hug him. I can't, of course, and I was floored that he didn't end that statement with the word "giggity." But at least he does have a few redeeming qualities, unlike certain people who shall remain nameless, since I can name far too many and I'm actually in a good mood right now. So I'll wrap it up here. Back from commercial. Jeffrey (shouting): You're really a massive f------ bonehead in that case! See if you have a house to return to when you get home, you f------ jerk. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Jeffrey: OK, I flipped. I knew we were in last place, and I knew I would be a lot longer than four hours at the damn Roadblock, since I have no artistic talent. My talents are in speaking and doing research. Bryan: I should have done the Roadblock. I would have been less than four hours. Jeffrey: That's right; you should have. Cut to the train station; the train has a Japan Railways logo on it, and Alex and Elena get in with Spike and Jennifer at 6:00 am. Spike: I hear the other teams will end up a half-hour behind us. Alex: Any advantage is good, even if it's over teams you're aligned with. Jennifer: We play our own game. Yes, I shaved my head because of the suicide bombing, and yes, that means we're almost guaranteed six new friends after the show, but that doesn't mean we're just going to take a vote or play tiddlywinks to decide who wins. Spike: We have you and the jerks to beat. And frankly, you're a lot less threatening than Michigan. If we had it our way, we'd go to the end with you and Stanford. Elena: We'd take USC. That knee has to give out sometime. Jennifer: That's awful to say. Elena: I like Jim. But as a competitor, I know his weakness. Team confessional, Alex and Elena. Alex: There's no way into the Solid Gold alliance. So we're trying to splinter it piece by piece, and we were working on the Goths. Elena: I think we can beat anyone in the Race except Michigan, so we needed to turn their alliance away from them. Cut to the train. Alex: We have to make sure Michigan goes out before Stanford. Elena: If Stanford's still in the Race, they're a distraction and we can use them. If Stanford gets cut, Michigan will be unstoppable. Jennifer: We could try to create a new distraction. Spike: Please, Jen. Get real. Elena: I could try to distract Derek, and Alex could buddy up to Charlie-- Spike: If Derek's turning Carrie down, what the hell makes you think any of us have a chance with him? Jennifer: I don't think Derek's really turning Carrie down, if you know what I mean. Cut to Train #2; this train carries Tina and Jim, Charlie and Derek, Carrie and Dana, and Jeffrey and Bryan. Carrie is sitting in Derek's lap; Dana is chatting with Charlie. Jeffrey and Bryan are in the back. Carrie: Hey, you want to see some fireworks? Derek: It's not exactly Chinese New Year, you know. Carrie: I have something better in mind. Carrie wraps her arm around Derek's neck and kisses him. Derek: I thought you said "see" fireworks, not "make" them. Carrie: Just wait. Go with it. (confessional) Derek: I'm not going to stop Carrie from doing pretty much whatever she pleases with me while I'm out here. She's, to say the least, attractive, and talking to her helps me stay loose, and if that means it gets a little heated, I'm not going to say no. Cut to Carrie and Derek; the two are still locked in a passionate kiss. A quick pan to the back shows an infuriated Jeffrey angrily watching as Bryan tries to whisper calming messages to her. (confessional) Carrie: We had four hours to kill on the train, and the team we hate is in the back of our train car, so I decided to have a little fun and test some people's boiling points. Cut to Carrie and Derek; Carrie is starting to remove Derek's shirt, and Derek is not stopping her. A quick pan to the back of the car shows Jeffrey beginning to growl; her face is turning red, and Bryan holds onto her hand, but she tries to pull it away. As Derek's shirt starts to come off, Jeffrey breaks Bryan's grip and storms to the spot where Carrie and Derek are seated. Jeffrey (furiously): Will you two bastards stop making us watch your incessant sex orgy? It's f------ bad enough I have to be in a car with an ugly bitch and her loverboy! I think we've all f------ seen enough! It's sick! And you should know better, you f------ ape! Jeffrey is clearly pointing to Derek, though Carrie takes mild offense. Jeffrey (screaming): You sit here and screw around with this f------ n-- Dana (interjecting): If the next word out of your mouth is what I think it is, you'll be walking to Hiroshima with a busted jaw. Jeffrey (incoherent): I can't even f------ concentrate anymore! You're both dead for this! You hear me? Piss on both your graves and die! Jeffrey storms back to her seat; she sits one seat away from Bryan and folds her arms, still fuming. At this point, Carrie and Derek are cracking up; Carrie is slapping her thighs and almost unable to breathe due to her laughter. Derek is doing the same, making a very unusual face as he slaps Carrie's thigh and bounces his head on the headrest of his seat. Confessional, Carrie and Derek. Carrie (still laughing): I just wanted to screw with Jeffrey's head, and I knew she couldn't stand the sight of me with Derek, so I turned the heat way up just to watch her explode. Derek (also laughing): I had no idea what Carrie had in mind when she started taking my shirt off, but it was worth it. Let me tell you, the look on Jeffrey's face was worth way more than a million dollars. Carrie (smiling broadly): We'll have to do it again sometime. Derek (smiling back): When can we get stuck on a train with those two jerks again? Carrie and Derek kiss on the lips. Cut to the train; Carrie and Derek are dressed again. Carrie: So now what do we do for the next two hours? Dana: I have an idea. Why not count some of us in? Carrie: I told you, Dana; I don't swing that way. Dana: That's not what I meant. Carrie: Sure could have fooled me. (confessional) Dana: I'm really concerned that Carrie's number one priority is Derek and not winning. It's great that we're attached to the strongest team here, but we still need to win, and I doubt we'll beat them. Cut to the other train arriving in Hiroshima; Alex and Elena, currently in first place, arrive first, while Spike and Jennifer, currently in second place, spring out and go a different direction. Spike: You don't think those dumbasses really thought we were making an alliance with them, did you? Jennifer: Whatever they want to believe. Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer. Jennifer: Personally, I like Tennessee. But I like pretty much everyone left in the Race who isn't a total s---. So us liking someone isn't exactly standing in the way of us crushing them. Spike: But spending four hours on a train with them made them a little hopeful, so we had to throw them a bone. Jennifer: Exactly. Cut to the A-Bomb Dome; Alex and Elena, currently in first place, arrive and open their clue. Alex: Before departing, fold ten paper cranes-- Cut to Phil standing in front of an array of colorful paper cranes. Phil: Teams must participate in a local ritual of Hiroshima to honor a victim of the atomic bomb. Together, they must fold ten paper cranes to match those already folded before proceeding to their next destination. Cut to Alex and Elena. Elena: I'm not very artsy, but I'll do what I can. Team confessional, Alex and Elena. Alex: Coming here to Hiroshima and seeing these memorials really brings out a lot of emotion. Here we are racing for a million dollars, and here these people were suffering because of war. Elena: It reminds you that there's a greater world out there beyond the game. The game is great, but a dose of reality is good for the soul in this instance. Alex: It's a great life experience. Alex appears to start tearing up. Cut to Alex and Elena starting to fold their first cranes; Alex is using red paper and Elena is using purple. Elena: How does anyone do this? Alex: The clue has instructions. Team confessional, Alex and Elena. Alex: And the other dose of reality is that neither of us had a clue how to fold paper. Elena: And here we had Spike the artist on our heels, and even if this was a time to take in the atmosphere and think of something other than the game, we still had to do it, and we were still in a race. Cut to the cranes; Spike and Jennifer, currently in second place, arrive. Jennifer: Before departing, fold ten paper cranes in honor of Sadako Sasaki, who died of leukemia inflicted by the atomic bomb and believed that folding these cranes would help save her life. I've always wanted to see this. Spike: Paper folding. I can do this. Jennifer: Do you ever think about anything besides the game and your own libido? Spike: Of course I do. But I'd rather experience the area by doing something I can do rather than be frustrated about doing something I can't and not be able to take it all in. Jennifer: Well, I can't argue with that. It does say here I have to fold at least one. Can you do the other nine? Spike: I can try. Just try to help me out for as long as I'm going, will you? Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer. Spike: Are you sorry now that you criticized me for being an artist and a musician? Jennifer: Yes, Spike. Are you sorry you stole me from my fiancé? Spike: Yes, Jen. I already apologized for that. Jennifer: OK, OK. I'm just glad you could do this. Cut to the crane table; Alex and Elena have each folded two, but Spike has folded two while Jennifer is working on her first. Spike: I kind of like this, actually. I know it's a solemn occasion, but at least we're doing something cool rather than just crying or burning something. Jennifer: I'm surprised you'd take this over burning something. Spike: I'm not a pyro, Jen. Cut to the train station; Charlie and Derek, currently in third place, are looking for a bus while Carrie and Dana, currently in fourth place, are following. Tina and Jim jump out in tune with Jeffrey and Bryan; Jim's knee appears to be bothering him minimally. Jim: We need to get to the A-Bomb Dome. Any idea how to get there? And I'm not walking there. Do we have cab fare? Tina: Everything's so expensive here. Jim: We got money, though. Tina: Sure would help to beg. Jim: Right. Like a big, ugly, bald guy like me could ever hope to beg here and get anything. Tina: You're telling me. We're both freaks here. Jeffrey: You're a freak anywhere you go. Tina: And you're a shriveled-up bitch anywhere you go. You want a piece of me, skank? Jeffrey: At least I'm not a damn half-breed. Tina: Nice. I got that one all the time in high school from people with the intelligence of dog s---. (sharply) I can play that game, too, bitch. (shouting over Jeffrey) You're just jealous that I make something out of myself and people actually like me while you just sit at home and get drunk and wonder why your f------ husband has to resort to cheating on you with interns and trying to kill people for the hell of it when you know you were used up in college and he can't f------ stand the sight of you anymore even with your clothes on! Am I about right, you dumb, racist bitch? Jeffrey storms off; Bryan sheepishly follows with a defeated look on his face. (confessional) Bryan: Tina attacked both me and my wife on the way off the train. Apparently in her world, it's OK to make false accusations about people just because she was beaten up in high school or whatever the hell happened to her. She needs to just get over it. Cut to the crane table; Alex and Elena are working on their last cranes while Spike has folded seven and Jennifer is working on her second. Spike: Hey, you're pretty good, Jen. Jennifer: Yeah, like I can keep up with you. Charlie, Derek, Carrie, and Dana arrive; Derek opens the clue first. Derek: Before departing, fold ten paper cranes. Dana: I'm decent at art stuff; this should be fun. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: I've always had a particular interest in Japan, and so for me, it hits a bit close to home to come here to Hiroshima. Charlie: I've been to Pearl Harbor and Ground Zero, but this is completely different. It's seeing it from the other side. Cut to Charlie and Derek on their first cranes; Carrie and Dana start in, with Dana working quickly. At this point, Spike and Jennifer finish with their last cranes as Alex struggles with his; they run to a spot about 20 feet from the crane table. Spike: OK, now we can look at this. Spike opens the clue. Spike: Travel to Hondori shopping center-- Cut to Phil inside a marketplace with stands and food. Phil: Teams must travel here to the Hondori shopping center. Inside this busy center of commerce, teams will need to find this food stand to receive their next clue. Cut to Spike and Jennifer. Spike: Hope you're hungry. Jennifer: Am I ever not? A quick pan to Alex and Elena shows Alex putting his crane together; he and Elena grab their clue. Alex: Travel to the Hondori shopping center and find a food stand marked with the red-and-yellow flag. Elena: Great. I'm sure that place will be a maze. Showing up at the crane table are Tina and Jim, currently in fifth place. Jim opens the clue. Jim: Before departing, fold ten paper cranes in honor of Sadako Sasaki, who died of leukemia inflicted by the atomic bomb and believed that folding these cranes would help save her life. Wow. This is incredible. Team confessional, Tina and Jim. Jim: This is a pretty stark reminder of what the rest of the world's history is like. I mean, Tina and I went through an ordeal, too, but we survived, and we're uniquely blessed to see it from the point of view of someone who did not. Tina: Don't cry, Jim. Jim: I won't cry. But it's a little like seeing something that just tells me, "Hey, you made it. Look how lucky you are." Cut to the crane table; Dana is on her fourth crane and Carrie her second. Charlie and Derek are each finishing up their second. Carrie: It's a good thing I don't have to fold five of these. We'd be here all day. Dana: Relax, Carrie; you're doing great. Tina walks up next to Dana. Dana: Oh, hey, Tina. Tina: How do you do that so fast? Dana: I always liked art class. Tina: There's no time for art class in med school. Dana: I'm a law student, you know. Art's just a release. (confessional) Tina: It's like Carrie and Dana knew that Jim and I felt like we were left out in China, and they're taking every step they can to include us. It's nice, but it's kind of backpedaling a bit. I wish they could have been genuine upfront. Cut to the crane table; arriving last are Jeffrey and Bryan, who are not speaking. Bryan takes the clue. Bryan: Before departing, fold ten paper cranes. Jeffrey: I hate this s---. Bryan: You only have to fold one. I can do the other nine. Jeffrey: Or what? The crane god will cry? Stupid f------ backward people around here folding cranes. Bryan: This is a tribute to a girl who believed that folding cranes would save her life. Jeffrey: And what kind of stupid belief is that? Why the f--- should I participate? Bryan: You're not making this easy. Just fold one. Jeffrey (shouting): If you wanted this to be easy, maybe you should have gone on this f------ show with your brother instead of me! I'm not doing a f------ thing, you cheating bastard! Especially not doing something for some slant-eyed pieces of s--- who believe in folding cranes! What else do they do, sacrifice virgins? (confessional) Dana: I had no idea Jeffrey could say so many offensive things in one day. But she's just digging herself a hole, and the more upset she gets, the less efficient she is. Soon they'll be out of the Race. Cut to Jeffrey sitting on a bench with arms folded. Bryan: Look, I'll just fold nine, and when you're ready, you can fold the other. Jeffrey: Piss off. A quick pan to the table shows Dana on her sixth crane and Carrie finishing her third; Charlie and Derek are finishing their fourth and picking up paper to start folding their last ones. Derek: I made all mine out of yellow and blue paper. Kind of a way of sending a tribute here from everyone back in Ann Arbor. Carrie: I'd say that's incredibly corny, but it's kind of cool, actually. Tina and Jim are each on their second cranes; Bryan is starting his first. (confessional) Bryan: I was kind of between a rock and a hard place. Tina accused me of being unfaithful to Jeffrey based on absolutely nothing, and it really upset her, and with all the other things making her upset, she just blew her top. She's very volatile, and it takes her a while to calm down. Cut to Carrie and Dana finishing up their final cranes. Dana: I couldn't concentrate because of that crazy woman. Jeffrey (sharply): I don't have to take that from you. Maybe if you were respectable and found a man and got married, I could-- Dana (lightly): Nice. Next time, try saying something I haven't heard for years from my father. Dana walks away jauntily and shows the clue to Carrie. Dana: Travel to the Hondori shopping center and find a food stand marked with the red-and-yellow flag. Carrie: We should wait for Michigan. Derek: Go on ahead, girls; we'll see you there. Carrie: Well, all right. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Dana: My strategy with the jerks is just to let them know that they don't get under my skin. Bryan likes to play with people's minds, and Jeffrey's just an explosive bitch, so as long as they don't bother us, we're fine. Carrie: Plus, the reactions from Jeffrey are good for a few laughs most of the time. Cut to the crane table; Charlie and Derek are finished with their last ones, while Tina has completed three and Jim two. Bryan is done with three and is trying to coax Jeffrey into helping. Bryan: Come on up here and fold one. Jeffrey: Go to hell. Bryan: Look, Jeffrey. That little blonde pixie isn't worth it. Neither is her oversized friend. I shook it off when she nailed me on the rugby field; you can do the same. Jeffrey: No. I'm f------ finished. Bryan: Don't do this. Jeffrey: I'm going to quit. Bryan: This is f------ ridiculous. Bryan looks down at his fourth crane in frustration. The screen cuts to commercial.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 08-25-08, 08:43 AM (EST) 4. "The Amazing Race: Expedition Episode 11 - "I'm Like His Black Danni"" Blog Entry, 12/1/2008 Authored by: Ron "Blazer" Macklin, punkrockliveshere For those wondering about Spike's condition right now...well, that's nice of you and somewhat overly curious. She's fine, and she's trying to stay out of the limelight. She told me that, even with her alternative look and her recent drug addiction, she's trying to be somewhat normal. She never really got that opportunity and never understood what it was like until recently - she always said she was "better than normal," preferring the word "abnormal." Her downfall into abnormality started, of course, with her father's death and the fact that she had to witness him being pistol-whipped. She never really got over it, even with her schoolmates, teachers, and the like throwing an entire day dedicated to her for calling 911 and catching the men who murdered her dad. Ever since then, she's felt like she was different from everyone else. Being a lesbian only made things worse, especially when she told her mother - who hit the roof. When she was 17, she actually told her mother that she wished it was her who was murdered instead of her father. About a day later, she left home and spent the next six months living under a bridge with barely enough to eat - granted, being a heavy smoker didn't exactly help matters, but she said the cigarettes kept her balanced. I know what she means - I've lost count of how long it's been since I had a cigarette and I want to hurt someone. She got fired from a couple of jobs for this and that; the boss caught her sleeping in the break room and sent her packing, which sucked, because she was only sleeping there because she just got evicted from her apartment. She found it really hard to get a job after that, but I decided, what the hell; she looked like she needed us. I offered her a makeover, and though it wasn't what she had in mind, she decided it helped get her mind off the rest of her "crappy life," as she described it. So now, despite five years of loving her alternative look and lifestyle, she's decided she wants to be "normal." And when she said that, I almost flipped - until she said, "I'm not going anywhere; I love my job." And she told me she did something over the weekend that she had never done in her life - gone on a date. With Skull, of course, the girl she met in rehab. She bought a nice outfit and some designer shoes - which still don't go with the piercings, tattoos, and pink Mohawk, but she looked good in them. Skull told me in confidence, though, that Spike took her somewhere a bit "unusual" before the date, and at this point, I know I'm either losing a punk daughter or gaining one. Spike took her to visit her father's grave - her own personal "Graceland." When Spike wanted to get lucky, she either took her out to dinner and got her liquored up or she just skipped the dinner and went straight for the alcohol. She never once took Jen to see her dad's grave - Jen actually had to prod her. But not this time. My girl's in love. It's like she's a different person - she's happy all the time, hasn't taken a sip of alcohol since she got back from rehab, and refers to the bar patrons as her "friends." Hey, at least she's not a born-again Christian; she'd be calling me the Devil. Sigh...now when do I get a girl like that? Blog Entry, 12/3/2008 Authored by: Michael Cameron, tryingtobeadad I guess this is Part 2 in the saga of What Really Happened to Tina Cameron. Where we last left off, Tina told me that her uncle had forced himself on her - she had an idea that it was wrong because I told her it was (I always suspected her voice coach's assistant, but when I told him that, I could tell he would never do that.) I never would have guessed it was my own wife's brother. Sure, he was a loser who crashed with us between jobs and girlfriends, and sure, I never liked him before he hurt Tina, but my wife said that she needed to "protect" her brother. He was, after all, the baby of the family, and he never got his life together. Marshall Ray Johnston Crandall's name was a mouthful, so no one ever really used it except the bank and his father; he was better known by his childhood nickname Zeke. I never really trusted a man with a boyish nickname...well, Carrie's boyfriend seems like a nice enough guy judging by his blogs...and I should have seen it coming from him. It was bad enough that he thought cornrows were a good look for him - and he's whiter than Steve Martin - but the look he decided for my little girl was what pushed me over the edge. About an hour after Tina told me what Zeke did, I hunted him down - wasn't hard; he was at home watching cartoons in sweatpants he hadn't washed in two months - and I told him that, if he ever touched my girl again, I would tear his arms off and beat him to death with them. He laughed, of course - and I thought maybe it was because he had a size advantage over me; I'm only 5'11" and God only knows how Tina cracked six feet with the genes her mother and I gave her. But I just thought, hell, I'll use a chainsaw on him if I have to. It wasn't even close to that simple. He told me in no uncertain terms, "If you report me, I'll report you for business fraud and we'll both go to jail." I reminded him of two things - one was that people who commit business fraud, which I actually didn't do but one could make a convincing case that I did, are treated a hell of a lot better in prison than child molesters. The other was that, if I went to prison, her mother could do a perfectly good job of raising her, and I would just divorce her, let her have my assets, and hope she found Tina a good step-dad. I probably also should have reminded him that I could probably beat a business fraud charge, but he shot back at me with this - he would bring up charges against my wife, too, selling out his own sister for a manslaughter charge on a technicality. In college, she was involved in a car accident that killed her roommate and somehow didn't even scratch her, and the police simply declined to investigate, since she was sober and there was no evidence of bad driving; in fact, another driver ran a red light and hit her. But he told me that he could get us both convicted, and Tina would end up in an orphanage - her parents were too destitute to take her, my mother was dead and my father didn't want to raise kids, my wife's sister was in Australia and hadn't spoken to any family in years, and the rest of us would be in jail. I should have tried to beat the charges, but Zeke was good at a few things, including blackmail. So, like a complete idiot, I let him have free reign of Tina. Also, when my wife came back, she completely denied that Zeke would do such a thing, keeping up the denial despite the obvious evidence. She even called Tina a liar to her face. It got to the point where we could barely stand the sight of each other, and when I tried to restore intimacy, she pushed me away and actually told me, "Try Tina; I'm sure she'll let you do whatever you want." What would possess a mother to say such horrible things about her daughter? If I were really trying to write this as some sort of docu-drama, I would follow this with, "Stay tuned for our next installment" or something. I won't be sending this blog to Tina. It's too gruesome. And the next one won't be any better. Back from commercial. Bryan: Don't do this. Jeffrey: I'm going to quit. Bryan: This is f------ ridiculous. Bryan looks down at his fourth crane in frustration. (confessional) Bryan: I had to find a way of staying in the Race, but finally I just decided that it wasn't worth it and we were looking at enough of a time penalty as it was. I just did all the cranes. Cut to the crane table; Bryan has completed ten cranes, and by now, Jeffrey has stopped seething. Bryan: OK, can we go now? Jeffrey: Yeah, I guess. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Jeffrey: I'm not somehow blissfully unaware of how offensive and unnerving I can be. My beliefs aren't popular, and I have no problem spouting out things to try to get under other teams' skin. Bryan: The bad thing is that she made a few comments that backfired, and it just made her more frustrated and upset. She's not a terrible person or anything; she just has a bit of a short fuse. Cut to Spike and Jennifer, currently in first place, in Hondori shopping center; a quick pan shows the food stand nearby with the flags outside it. Jennifer: There it is. It says here we get the clue from the chef's table. Jennifer grabs the clue from the chef's table; patrons are coming and going around them. A few gawk at Spike. Jennifer: Detour. Gourmet or Gourmand? Cut to Phil behind the grill; the restaurant is otherwise empty and cleaned up. Phil: In this Detour, teams must choose between two tasks associated with a local cuisine called "okonomiyaki," translated as "cook what you like." Their choices? Gourmet or Gourmand. Cut to a chef preparing several grilled ingredients. Phil: In Gourmet, teams must prepare four quarter-kilo servings of okonomiyaki to randomly-selected specifications. A typical dish of okonomiyaki is layered, starting with a batter, cabbage, pork, noodles, a fried egg, and okonomiyaki sauce. Once the teams cook four servings of okonomiyaki to the chef's specifications, he will hand them their next clue. Cut to patrons eating okonomiyaki. Phil: In Gourmand, each member of a team must eat two quarter-kilo servings of okonomiyaki with the ingredients listed with the servings. Once they can show the chef four clean plates, he will hand them their next clue. Cut to Spike and Jennifer. Spike: We better do Gourmet. And get me a mask. A quick pan shows a dish full of mushrooms and Spike cringing. Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer. Spike: I can't cook at all. I can't even make Ramen. But I'd rather learn now than risk near-death because the chef cooks with mushrooms. Jennifer: Now's the best time to learn, I guess. Spike: They said we had to make this dish. They never said it had to taste good. Cut to Spike and Jennifer; Jennifer is pouring four rings of batter, and some other grills are set up around the restaurant. Spike has donned a breathing mask and gloves. Jennifer: You're not taking any chances, are you? Spike: I'd like to be alive to enjoy my million. I had three close calls already; I'm not tempting fate. Soon after, Alex and Elena arrive. Alex (smiling): You can't be that bad a cook, Spike. Jennifer stares coldly at her as Spike adds the cabbage to each serving. Elena takes the clue. Elena: Detour. Gourmet or Gourmand? Do you want to cook or eat? Alex: Is that even a question? I'm starved. The chef grabs four plates of okonomiyaki; one is marked as containing squid, another as containing octopus. One has a mushroom showing. Alex (mouth full): Why are you guys turning down free food? Jennifer (sharply): She's allergic to mushrooms, dumbass. Alex: Hey, sorry. I didn't know. Team confessional, Alex and Elena. Alex: I stuck my foot in my mouth with Spike and Jennifer. After all this buttering up we did of them, it's all lost because I teased Spike about her cooking. Elena: And of course, we really did know that she almost got killed by a mushroom. It's why everyone hates the jerks. Alex: Of course, of course. Alex shakes his head. Cut to Alex and Elena; they have finished one serving each. Alex: I can only eat like this after an all-nighter. Jennifer: This whole game is one all-nighter after another. Alex: Tell me about it. Jennifer turns over two fried eggs as Alex digs into another portion of okonomiyaki, this one with the mushroom in it. At this time, Carrie and Dana, currently in third place, arrive. Dana: Detour. Gourmet or Gourmand? Let's eat. I've lost too much weight out here. At this time, Jennifer places her fried egg on top of the last serving she has. Jennifer: If you want, you can eat ours. The chef comes over to inspect their work as Spike pours okonomiyaki sauce over each serving. He smiles and hands them their next clue. At the same time, Elena finishes her last bite of okonomiyaki, and the chef reaches for their clue. Jennifer (to Carrie and Dana): How you like it fresh. Carrie: Thanks, ladies. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Dana: Spike and Jennifer just got done with their dishes, and we decided we wanted a fresh order of whatever it is they serve here, but that was a bit of a mistake. Carrie: It burned the roof of my mouth and my tongue. I couldn't taste anything after that. Cut to Spike and Jennifer opening their clue. Jennifer: Travel to Hiroshima Castle-- Cut to Phil outside Hiroshima Castle; the pagoda structure stands tall and is surrounded by lush green. Phil: Teams must now travel to Hiroshima Castle. This tribute to Japan's history before World War II was reconstructed in 1958 after being demolished by the atomic bomb, and it serves as the eleventh Pit Stop in the Amazing Race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated. Cut to Alex and Elena. Elena: Travel to Hiroshima Castle and find the front gate. Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated. Both teams leave as Charlie and Derek, currently in fourth place, arrive at the stand. Charlie gets the clue. Charlie: Detour. Gourmet or Gourmand? Carrie: Spike was wearing a mask and gloves and did Gourmet because of a food allergy. You guys should do the same. Derek: Thanks. We'll do Gourmet. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: I have no idea if they cook with cayenne pepper here or not, but I wasn't taking any chances. Charlie: I almost lost my son twice out here, and the third time might be the curse. Cut to Charlie and Derek; Derek is preparing the batter, which is thickening. Carrie is finishing up her first serving of okonomiyaki but is struggling. Derek: You OK, Carrie? Dana: She burnt her tongue. Charlie: That sounds rough. Derek layers the cabbage into the batter quickly; Charlie helps him. Dana: You guys are pretty good with a grill. Derek: You have no idea. (confessional) Derek: I'm probably the only one here who's ever used a hibachi, and it looks like the girls were just as impressed with it as the ladies back home. Cut to Carrie slowly eating through her second serving; Dana is almost finished, and Charlie and Derek are nearly through with their fried eggs. Dana stuffs her last bit in her mouth as Carrie passes the halfway point on her second serving. Derek flips over the fried eggs as they harden; Charlie grabs the bottle of okonomiyaki sauce. Derek: Let's sneak some hot pepper in here and serve it to the jerks. Dana swallows hard and begins laughing; Carrie smiles a bit. Charlie: Carrie, you all right? You hanging in there? Carrie: Yeah, sorry. Trying to eat here, but my mouth hurts like hell. Dana: Just take it easy, Carrie. You can do it. Team confessional, Carrie and Dana. Dana: The sad thing about the whole situation was that I was still hungry and couldn't help her. Carrie: I wasn't too full, but every bite I took hurt my mouth. Cut to Tina and Jim, currently in fifth place, arriving at the stand. Jim: Detour. Gourmet or Gourmand? Tina: I never cook, and neither do you. Let's do Gourmand. Dana: Derek would offer you his, but we just ate Spike and Jennifer's, and it burned Carrie's mouth. You guys need to take a pre-made order. Jim: Thanks, guys. The chef hands Derek the clue. Derek: Travel to the Pit Stop, Hiroshima Castle. Charlie: We'll hang out here for you guys if you want. Dana: Go on ahead. We'll see you at the Pit Stop. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Charlie: The girls offered to wait on us, so we decided to reciprocate. We declined their offer, so I guess they did the same. Derek: Besides, we can't be in last; USC's behind us. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan, currently in last place, arriving at the stand. Bryan: Detour. Gourmet or Gourmand? I used to grill a pretty good hamburger for the company picnic, and I don't think either of us can eat a pound of food. Jeffrey: Well, OK, I can cook. Bryan: I didn't just marry you for your good looks, you know. In the background, Tina and Jim are most of the way through their first servings of okonomiyaki as Carrie chokes down her last bite. The chef hands a smiling Dana the clue. Dana: Travel to the Pit Stop, Hiroshima Castle. Let's go. Cut to Spike and Jennifer within view of the castle; they are stuck in traffic in a cab. Spike (anxiously): Come on; how long can it take to get there? Out the window, they see another driver ahead of them carrying what appears to be Alex and Elena. Jennifer: This guy's in view of the castle; why is this taking forever? Team confessional, Spike and Jennifer. Spike: We were losing it. We left before Alex and Elena, and by all accounts, we should have gotten there first. Jennifer: What could we do, though, get out and hoof it? Spike: Might have been faster. Cut to the entrance to Hiroshima Castle; a greeter in samurai garb stands with Phil as Alex and Elena arrive. Greeter (bowing): Welcome to Hiroshima. Phil: Alex and Elena... His eyebrow raises as he smirks. Phil: ...you're team number ONE! Elena jumps for joy as she embraces Alex; the two turn their attention to Phil. Phil: Now I have some good news. As the winners of this leg of the Race, you have won an 11-day, 12-night Mediterranean cruise courtesy of Norwegian Cruise Line. Both Alex and Elena cheer ecstatically. Phil: You are both in a great position. How does it feel? Elena: We're completely on our own out here, and we know it. It's difficult, but we're trying to be the best, and it's working. Cut to the cab containing Spike and Jennifer turning in what appears to be the wrong direction. Jennifer: Are you sure this way is shorter? Driver: I am sure. Spike (to Jennifer): Are you sure he'll get us there? Jennifer: Not as sure as I was thirty minutes ago. The traffic appears to open up around the cab, and the driver accelerates, getting farther from the castle. Spike: This guy doesn't know what the hell he's-- As she says this, the driver turns onto a street that gives them a direct view of the castle. Spike: I take it back. Cut to Hiroshima Castle; Spike and Jennifer run to the mat. Phil: Spike and Jennifer...you're team number two! Jennifer kisses Spike on the lips; the two embrace enthusiastically. Phil: Spike, I understand you had to take some precautions at the Detour. Spike: Yeah, it sucked. I was hungry, too. Phil: There's all the okonomiyaki you want inside, and the grill's never been used before. Spike: Sounds good to me. Cut to Charlie and Derek near the castle; the driver is taking the same path as Spike and Jennifer's driver, but there is somewhat less traffic. Derek: すぐに行きなさい。 私達は急いでいる。(Subtitle: Please go quickly. We are in a hurry.) Charlie: I hope you're telling him something we can use. Derek: We'll get there. I just hope the girls are OK. Team confessional, Charlie and Derek. Derek: Carrie and Dana attached themselves to us for this entire leg, and I love having them around, but we do have to run our own race. Charlie: I know you're a little upset about leaving Carrie there with a burnt tongue. Derek: Nothing a little time with her favorite hockey player won't solve. Charlie: OK, this is a little much. Cut to Hiroshima Castle; Charlie and Derek are arriving. Phil: Charlie and Derek...you're team number three! Derek chest-bumps Charlie and the two high-five and embrace. Phil: Derek, usually you can't stand to be apart from Carrie. Are you running your own race now? Derek: Carrie and I spend a lot of time together anyway. They told us to go ahead. Phil: I hear you. Charlie, do you get a lot of time to talk to Dana while Derek's all over Carrie? Charlie: Dana's a great girl. She's smart, ambitious, and a lot of fun to chat with. She loves hearing all my Navy stories. Cut to the Hondori shopping center; Tina and Jim are finishing up their okonomiyaki at about the same time Bryan is topping his with fried eggs. Jeffrey is preparing the okonomiyaki sauce. Bryan: Maybe you should try cooking this when we get home. Jeffrey: Swipe a recipe card and I will. And buy me one of these things. Bryan: Help me find a place to put it and you have a deal. (confessional) Jeffrey: Once I got to the grill, I was in a much better mood. I didn't even snap at the other team that was there, even if that girl was staring at me like I just killed her best friend. Cut to Tina finishing her last bite; the chef hands them the clue as Jeffrey squirts okonomiyaki sauce on Bryan's creations. Tina: Travel to Hiroshima Castle. Jim: Wouldn't a castle look a little out of place in an industrial city like this one? Tina: Says here it's a museum of some kind. Jim: Oh, well, then it's probably cool. Bryan takes the clue from the chef. Bryan: Travel to Hiroshima Castle. Jeffrey: The bald guy's right; a castle would look out of place here. Cut to Hiroshima Castle; Carrie and Dana are out of their cab and at the mat. Phil: Carrie and Dana...you're team number four! Carrie scoops up Dana in her arms as the two squeal joyously. Phil: How has your alliance with Charlie and Derek affected your game? Carrie: Derek speaks Japanese very well, so he's very useful to us. I came into this city expecting it to just be in some kind of ruin because all I knew about it was the atomic bomb, but this is really a cool city. And I'd compliment the cuisine, too, if I could still taste. Phil: Do you need us to take a look at you? Carrie: I'm fine; it will heal. Cut to Tina and Jim's cab; Jim is frantically pointing and saying things in broken English. Jim: Go to castle. The cab driver furiously looks on as he drives. (confessional) Jim: It didn't hit me until about halfway to Hiroshima Castle that our driver spoke English. Cut to Tina and Jim. Jim: You speak English? Driver (frustratedly): Yes. Jim: すみません。 (Subtitle: I am sorry.) Tina: Do you have a fast way to get to the castle? Driver: Yes. I will go there. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan in another cab; the driver appears to be near the castle. Bryan: Drive fast. We need to get to the castle. It's very urgent. Our lives are at stake. Jeffrey looks at him with confusion. Bryan: A very important business deal will happen at the castle; we need to be there fast. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Bryan: I told the cab driver that our lives depended on being at the castle quickly because I wanted to beat Tina and Jim. Jeffrey: It's stupid to do that, but it got us there. Cut to Hiroshima Castle; Phil and the greeter are waiting. A quick pan shows no one coming for a second. A team arrives and rushes toward the mat. The team is Tina and Jim. They take their spots. Phil: Tina and Jim... Phil hesitates and appears to frown. Phil: ...you're team number five! Tina pumps her fist; Jim exchanges a fist-pound with Phil. Phil: You're both still in the Race. How are you holding up? Jim: I'd say my knee isn't bugging me, but that only means it will start killing me. Soon after, Jeffrey and Bryan arrive. Phil: Jeffrey and Bryan...you are the last team to arrive. Tina and Jim step over to the side; Phil appears to wince. Phil: I'm...pleased to tell you, however, that this is the last of three pre-determined non-elimination legs in the Race, and you are both still alive. Bryan cracks a smile; even Jeffrey appears happy. Phil: However, I do have some bad news. Jeffrey, you did not complete the Roadblock in Tokyo and you did not participate in the crane-folding here in Hiroshima. By rule, the penalty for failure to complete a Roadblock is a four-hour penalty, and for failure to complete the cranes, you incur another 30-minute penalty. You were only two minutes out of fifth places, but now your deficit is over four-and-a-half hours. Jeffrey looks down at the ground, frustrated. Phil: I have some further bad news. On the next leg of the Race, you will encounter the Toll Booth. If you fail to finish in first or second place, you will receive a 30-minute penalty at the Pit Stop. This is a lot to overcome, and every leg from here on out will be an elimination leg. You have some extra time to rest; I suggest you use it. Team confessional, Jeffrey and Bryan. Jeffrey: It might have taken me over four hours to do the Roadblock, so skipping it might have been the best move. Bryan: Well, we're in a hole anyway, so we need to kick ass in the next leg and hope we're in some place where Michigan doesn't speak the language. We have to beat four teams or we're done. Cut to Jeffrey and Bryan outside the castle standing and looking into the sky. The credits begin to roll. Phil (voice-over): Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode. The screen cuts to commercial. Blog Entry, 11/28/2008 Authored by: Dr. Rage The history of lying in reality television: Fairplay: "My grandma died." Boston Rob: "You help me and I'll help you." Danni: "We had sex on the yacht." Multiple: "If you step down, I won't evict you." Kail/Hogeboom/BB Alex: "I'm just a real estate agent/landscaper/radio DJ." But this week, someone just topped all those lies with the biggest whopper of them all, and it wasn't even a contestant. Phil: "I'm please to tell you that this is a non-elimination leg." Phil looked like he was crapping a pineapple covered in broken glass as he said that. And most of America, myself included, had a burning desire to toss a blunt object at our televisions. At least we know they don't have a prayer next week. Come on now - four and a half hours? TK and Rachel made up three hours in Taiwan, but Nathan and Jennifer were dumber than cow manure. Let's be honest here - Jeffrey and Bryan have to beat four teams to get to second place, and if they don't, that 30-minute penalty will kill them. So here's what they're counting on - a way to make up four and a half hours and leapfrog four teams. They probably need a serious bunching point, some stuff they can do that the other teams can't (and I'd say that an angry tirade would cut it, but Tina's pretty good at that, too) and for four other teams to have bad legs. Tina and Jim might be their best bet - Jim jinxed himself, and Jeffrey and Bryan's best hope of sticking around may be for Jim to be removed for medical reasons. They shouldn't be bothered by the cold; Ohio winters can be pretty rough. But Michigan winters are worse, and beating out a retired Navy captain and a hockey player in the ice and snow is a tall order. I doubt they're beating Michigan. Tennessee's in first, and Alex comes from Russia. No chance there. Spike lived under a bridge in Seattle for six months - some of that in the winter. Plus, she went to the mat in Antarctica during winter with no coat on and lived to tell about it. And you can't get Stanford off Michigan without a crowbar, so their only hope is beating USC. And if they fare as well as their football team did against USC...well, it's lights out for Team Jerkwad. The producers will get what they want - an all-Solid Gold final four. Once the jerks are out, the alliance will wedge out Tennessee as a threat, and then CBS finally gets to give Charlie a million dollars - sorry, formerly homeless girl; you have to settle for second. It's hard to tell anything about the Race results yet - no one has any idea except for that spoiler that the final leg is in Atlanta, Georgia, or the other spoiler that put it in Las Vegas, or maybe Chicago, or maybe even back in San Juan. It's one of those four cities. Yeah, definitely. And all the final three combinations that they've provided are still possible - the Atlanta scenario has...damnit, I think Spike and Jennifer winning, and Jeffrey and Bryan are nowhere to be found. Seems plausible, I guess, if you really think anyone's beating Charlie and Derek. The spoilers are getting me nowhere - I'll concentrate on the "who's hooking up with who" rumors. Apparently, Derek is, in fact, sleeping with Carrie, and Dana's not really a lesbian and is actually trying to hook up with Bobby. Apparently, she kissed a boy and she liked it; hope her girlfriend doesn't mind if I deafen myself so I never have to think of that song again. My personal favorite is the Spike-Alexis theory - it even says that Alexis started it. So I started one of my own - and you'll find out soon enough, but not from me. Back from commercial. Phil (voice-over): On the next episode of the Amazing Race...teams get a wintry surprise. Carrie: All this ice makes me want a hot bath. Phil (voice-over): Jeffrey and Bryan have to survive. Bryan: Look, if we have to fight dirty, we will. Phil (voice-over): And teams get a taste of home. Derek: I'd love to hear from Danni right now, even if I know she'll be upset when I get home. Voice-over: Stay tuned for an all-new CSI: Miami coming up next. Order of finish: 1. Alex and Elena, 12:57 pm 2. Spike and Jennifer, 1:13 pm 3. Charlie and Derek, 1:26 pm 4. Carrie and Dana, 1:44 pm 5. Tina and Jim, 1:58 pm 6. Jeffrey and Bryan, 2:00 pm (will depart at 6:30 am) Jeffrey and Bryan were spared elimination due to this being a non-elimination leg.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

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