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Estee 44384 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-23-06, 05:03 PM (EST) "Survivor: The Society Islands: Episode #11: I Will Never Forgive You" LAST EDITED ON 12-04-06 AT 06:43 PM (EST) ----------------------------------------------------------------- After ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Topic title: Sucks Riddlemaster clue discussion: Week #11.} {'What isn't there can still be shattered: what isn't seen can still be undone.' I think we're meant to choke on it.} ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Topic title: The Players, The Game, The Editing: Society Islands: the jury and beyond} {...is Gary starting to come out from under the radar? He's picking up screen time: this would normally be a sign of either an upcoming storyline or a boot, but several of our usual tools have been broken in half this season. Still, we're seeing him trying to work out deals, chatting with other players -- and of the remaining contestants, he seems to have the closest relationship with Connie: if that's being played up, there has to be a reason for it. While no one wanted to keep Phillip around from fear of the 7-0 vote, Gary isn't that much of an improvement. He'll have Connie's vote if he's in front of her at Final Two, will probably gain M-J's and possibly Alex's -- there are scenarios where Gary can win this game, but he almost has to win the final Immunity to do it. Unless there's something we're not seeing. And there may be a lot we're not seeing... ...Gardener may now be in control of the game. He has the numbers: Alex is on his side, Connie has allied with him in the creation of what some people are starting to call the Holy ****! Trinity -- plus Gary and Mary-Jane seem to be along for the ride, at least for one more vote. No pure physical powerhouse has made it this far for a while. (We can't count Terry: the idol -- and suspicions of same -- was too much of a factor.) But Gardener is doing it through intelligence, alliances, and the occasional challenge win. When you can't beat every challenge, have people ready to save you -- and be ready to betray them when the time comes. A season of strategy and vote flips has produced one of the series' most intriguing strategists and flip lures -- unless he's serving as nothing more than Alex's voice within the tribe. And Gardener is far too intelligent -- and devious -- to be just that. The alliance is strong, and it benefits both of them -- but now that it's been revealed, it almost has to break... ...Alex will probably continue to take at least a secondary focus position in most episodes. She's the show's best-developed character (no jokes, please) and continues to serve as our guide: we still see the island through her eyes, are privy to several of her conversations and, for those on the Survivor Gold program, it's practically a confessional a week. But the show is now taking pains to point out her flaws. That talk with Phillip wasn't just meant to give us his exit reasons: it may have been to hint at hers. Who does Alex have an emotional connection with -- one that works as a two-way street? Her alliance with Gardener seems to be one of convenience and mutual respect: two players who recognize that they make a formidable pairing, but who don't necessarily like each other. Robin has been shown to be fond of Alex, as is Mary-Jane -- but as Robin once pointed out, we don't exactly see anything of the sort flowing back from Alex to the others. She has a level of detachment that serves her well within the game. But without anything that can be called a true friendship, she would have to rely on pure reason and promise loyalty to get her through the last stages. We hardly ever see the first in the game, and as for the second, Phillip is gone (and was on the other side anyway). If it comes down to asking someone to keep her as a friend, then Alex's weakness has been exposed -- and her time may finally be growing short... Mary-Jane's win on the flying fox challenge may also be a story point: right now, she's almost gliding through the game. All has been forgiven for the vote flip, she's part of the majority alliance, she's comfortably protected within it and at no risk for the bounce -- it seems like all she has to do is sit back and wait for the Final Four to arrive. At which point, she'll need an Immunity win or two before she can take the final steps down Jenna's road -- but the path is clear, and the signposts are well-lit. M-J must be taken seriously as a vote threat at the final Council: she has offended virtually no one in the potential jury (except possibly Connie by virtue of her star-bearing existence, and Angela for daring to exploit her appearance in a way that makes more money than Angela's attempt to do the same resulted in). With Gary starting to emerge from beneath the radar, M-J is dipping under it: one end goes up, one goes down -- and our model may be able to keep herself out of the spotlight until she's standing in the brighest one at the Final Two. ...we can probably expect quite a few bleeped words and shots of blurred lips in the next episode: Robin knows she's doomed, and she's not going to take it well. Her main story theme seems to be dashed expectations: confident in her challenge abilities, but with no wins. Confident in her alliances -- and then came the idol, followed by the flip. Secure in her appearance and seductive abilities -- then got to watch Gardener retreat from her at top speed. As Robin herself has basically noted, she is getting nothing she wants in this game. Robin believed she could win, believed it as strongly as Gardener -- and at this point, she knows she can't. She may run around looking for deals in her last hours, or she might take the inevitable vote with as much frustration as she's shown for most of the game. But she is not very likely to go quietly. If nothing else, we can expect a few last words on her way out -- and what might be the most emotionally charged jury question at the final Council. (Should Gardener make Final Two, he can start bracing himself for the insults right after the last ouster vote...) ...what direction is Connie's story arc taking? The traitor to her tribe who wins the game with their votes? (There are situations that would have her gathering Angela and Tony's ballots, she's guaranteed to get Phillip's, and then if Gary voted for her -- multiple jury configurations and situations exist that produce a Connie win. And Alex's ability to respect game play -- and overall detachment -- might even produce a surprise ballot from that direction.) A redemption edit that goes beyond the scope of anything we've ever seen before? The triumphant villain, happily taking the last steps down Richard's path and stopping just short of the jail cell? The good guy doesn't always win on this show: in fact, he hardly ever lasts past the merge and for proof of that, consult Phillip. Right now, we know that Connie was promised more than Robin -- and Robin is out next. You would think Connie is destined for the Final Four, but Gardener might just rally the Turare alliance in time for one fast surprise vote -- or bring Connie farther along than some people suspect. Somewhere in the question 'What was she promised?' is a chapter in Connie's story -- but not necessarily the last one. And whatever that answer is, it probably isn't the same as her final theme...} ----------------------------------------------------------------- "You've been going through a lot of Coke lately," Leo noted as I signed the receipt form. "Decided you liked it, huh?" A big grin came with that last. Well, no. Actually, I decided that all things considered, sixty cents was way too cheap. I have evidence. Want to see all the quarters and dimes? "It does the job..." And yet I was nervous about going to sixty-five. I passed the clipboard back. A nod and another grin. "I'm really starting to like my odds." He didn't have to explain that and did anyway. "Only six people left in the pool, and I've got you? I'm not going to start spending the money just yet, but..." His friendly eyes went to my face for a second, checking for clues. I made sure there weren't any. "Not much longer now, huh?" I nodded to that. "Three more episodes -- this Thursday, next Thursday, and then that Sunday. They're sticking to a normal format there." I'd checked the website earlier in the day. "So it'll all be over soon, one way or another." Airtime only. Echoes expected to reverberate for a while after. And the next question was actually something else I could answer. "Where's the Reunion at?" Tickets were being sold over the Internet, tickets were being seriously scalped all over the place, rumors said that some of the network's stable of celebrities was fighting for seats against the commercial sponsors and VIPs, former players were being squeezed out to make room, there had been thoughts of switching to an even larger venue and now it was too late... The current venue wasn't exactly a secret. Nothing that was producing headlines about four-digit (and rising) ticket prices could possibly be a secret. And the number of tickets I'd been officially mailed two days ago as a special bonus for being part of the show? Zero: the package had contained pick-up times and marching instructions. And, had I gotten any for myself, the amount I would have been allowed to sell them for? Zero. Contestant tickets could not be sold. You had to tell the show who was coming in months in advance and explain their exact connection to you, or forfeit the seats to whoever was almost willing to fork out Super Bowl prices for a commercial during the finale, but just needed one little bit of extra incentive first. If you got tickets to help the show with those displaced anxiety shots, they were mailed directly to the recipients. Possibly the recipients could scalp them and blame it on you. I couldn't exactly sell my seat on the stage, although there were probably people willing to bid for it. "Carnegie Hall. They wanted the extra seats -- it was supposed to be the draft room at Madison Square Garden this year, but they switched at the last minute." Plus they probably realized they'd need the extra room to recreate the fake lodge. I wondered how the orchestra pit musicians would feel about playing to all those trophy plaques. "So no flight for you, huh?" No: someone would pick me up and drive me in, unless the show decided the contestants had to make a dramatic arrival via helicopter. A lot of people would be coming in from the airport, though. "Looking forward to it?" And that was fishing for another clue. I tugged on the hook once before letting go. "Yes." Because then it would be over, except for the stares and letters and reactions for the rest of my life... Don't think about things before the show airs them. Virtually no one knows what's going to happen, and until they see it, they can't blame me. But the time was getting very close. Whatever celebrity I had received was about to backlash spectacularly. I couldn't see it doing anything else. A significant percentage of the world was going to hate me, even more than they had after the cross. At least I was used to it, if only on a smaller scale. Maybe universal disgust and rage wouldn't be so hard to become accustomed to. I had practice, right? That had to count for something. Leo tried a couple of other questions that didn't result in anything beyond yet another explanation of my contract, wished me luck, and headed out. Of course he was wishing me luck. He had three hundred and twenty dollars to gain if I'd gotten lucky. But everyone's time senses were becoming confused around me. Not 'what did you do next?', but 'what are you going to do next?' Farewell to 'How did it go?' and hello to 'How is it going?' Forget 'Were you lucky?', it's 'Are you going to get lucky?' No. No either way. Jeff had been very quiet since Thursday night. My internal host was only a reflection of the real one, a little piece of self-delusion whose time was almost up -- but he didn't want to use this portion of his remaining days for commentary. He knew better. The real one hadn't. ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Topic title: Phillip on The Early Show} {Well, it's official. There is a single interview that Julie can't screw up, but it was mostly because interviews require questions and she couldn't be bothered to ask that many of them.} {Let me guess. He came on during the latest possible segment and gave a live demonstration on how to painlessly kill a bull. Unfortunately, they got it confused with their NFL promo, and now the Broncos are down one linebacker.} {Good luck for the Broncos if they did. Maybe they can sign Phillip right off the show. How hard could it be to learn the playbook? 'See that man rushing at you? Pretend he's Gardener.} {No -- hard to argue on the Broncos, though -- it was just a really loose segment. Phillip came in, said a few words, and everyone had a down-home country-fresh feel-good time. Here's the highlights. How is he feeling? Fine: it took a few weeks of his wife's cooking before he really started to feel like himself again, but he was there in time for the harvest to come in. What did his family think of his actions on the show? They respected him for it. He plans on using his winnings to add into a college fund for his little sister, and he knows that at the rate things are going, he's probably paid for one semester and two textbooks. But he thinks there may be a little more money on the horizon -- he's been asked to do some commercials in his area, and he hinted that a national chain may have contacted him. Makes sense, at least for the few months before his Q-rating starts to fade -- if a company wants a trustworthy image, there's worse people to appear in their ads. Especially for the heartland.} {I liked how he's still trying to get his wife to come along and use up the miles with him. Apparently that was the one issue they had when he got home -- she's a major homebody and he's essentially trying to talk her out of the kitchen.} {Yeah, keep praising him. Personally, I'm a little ****** off at the Man Of His Word. Not a thing did he let slip. And why? Because his contract said he wasn't supposed to let anything slip. His family knew better than to even ask him: he said they'd all watch the show together and then take a couple of hours so they could quiz him on the fine details for that period. But he didn't say a word about events before they occurred and he's not saying a word now. Personally, I think the reason Julie asked him so few questions was because she knew she couldn't get anything nasty, incriminating, or headline-worthy out of him. Not that she'd be capable of it in the first place...} {What was the Secret Scene?} {We got two, actually: one was Alex trying to save Phillip in spite of himself by seeing if Mary-Jane would cast a vote and force the tie. M-J refused because she didn't want to go up against Phillip in front of the jury. Phillip just laughed when he saw that one -- said he knew Alex didn't give up easily. (Julie did ask him what would have happened if he'd gone to the tiebreaker. He said he would have played it -- that's what the rules say you have to do, and he's not a quitter.) The second was a little more of Robin's idol hunt. At one point, she got so desperate that she went all the way back to Haraiki's camp and tried to look under the shelter. Pure comedy scene -- Robin's not strong enough to really lift the thing on her own, and she was trying to improvise a jack by stuffing rocks under the small amount she could raise it. Except that she couldn't get small enough rocks or really move them with her feet while lifting with her arms. You had to see it -- but it's already available on YouTube.} {Two possibly notable points: Phillip apologized to Tony. "If I'd known that was how it was gonna work out, I would have told him to run for his life until he hit the ocean, then not stop swimming until he reached Hawaii." And when Julie asked him if he'd forgiven Connie for breaking their alliance, he just shrugged and said "That's the game. People move, people switch, people go back on their word. I thought she wouldn't do it to me, and I was wrong. There's just no point to being bitter."} {That statement is not going to help my thread lock count in the least. If any more people start new topics for the purpose of calling Phillip a game-suicidal moron, I'm going to fly out to Nebraska, officially make him a moderator, and let him do all the work. He made the mess, he can clean it up. That should be right in line with his work ethic.} {Wonder how that no-bitterness policy applies to Angela?} {You win the prize for hitting the only interesting question Julie asked the whole time! Phillip said it would be Tony's decision and he'd honor the one Tony had made. In other words, 'Me? Say I respect Angela's gameplay? Now that's going a little too far'.} {What did I win?} {The right not to watch any replays of the interview.} {I'll take it.} {Did you see the picture of his family he brought? That's not an extended descendant tree, that's a mobile army unit. I didn't know Phillip was one of seven, plus he's got kids of his own, his youngest sister lives with them, everyone over the age of twenty in that family is married and either raising children or getting ready for it. Geez... if he ever runs for office, all he has to do is wait until the current generation is all over eighteen and then go in on a landslide. No other votes required. The picture was only on screen for about four seconds and that was only enough time to find him, his wife, and the tank support battalion.} {The man who doesn't lie taking up a political career. Sure. Maybe Angela will run against him.} {Why isn't anyone mentioning the post-segment stuff? Funny how everyone on the show really seemed to take to him -- never seen a contestant asked to hang around for the rest of the broadcast before. He just sat down at the far end of the desk, made the occasional joke when someone asked him for a comment, and just grinned his way through the whole last hour.} {Phillip on current events and the recipe of the day just isn't as interesting as Phillip not giving anything away?} {Does he know who screamed and why?} {Yeah, right. Like Julie could even be bothered to ask.} {Fourteen seconds responding to his compliment on her dress. Guess what those seconds could have been used for?} {Letting her brag about her husband?} {No. FCC regulations limit that to an hour a week, and she's usually filled it by Tuesday.} ----------------------------------------------------------------- During ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Welcome to Week #11, where I'm almost certain no one is going to die!} {The 'viewer discretion' watch has been on since the preview trailer first aired, and no one's gotten one in their media market yet. Or even in my MEDIA MARKET. So whatever this is, we're not going to see blood, guts, and glory. Especially the last. I had definite rooting interests on blood and guts.} {I still think Robin just gets really frustrated. The scream is real: the jungle scene we saw isn't. They took her 'exit speech' from Tribal Council and transposed it.} {Most people are pretty sure it's a woman screaming, but no one's sure who...} {Well, it can't be Mary-Jane. We've heard that.} {Dude, my ears are still ringing.} {The preview commercials were weird. 'Get ready for an all-time Survivor first.' The jungle shot. The scream. 'And that's not even what we're talking about.' Isn't this sort of treatment illegal in every state?} {Testing for present and former contestants. Testing one, two, three...} {Only the righteous can truly count in this and the afterlife.} {For the last time, Faux-Connie, back to your own thread!} {Wait... let me just get my sigpic out -- there. 'That disqualifies you in both locations.'} {And thank you, Faux-Alex. Now both of you revert to yourselves before I have to call in Faux-Gardener to make you of one mind by bashing your heads together. And in case you all forgot, I'm Faux-Gardener.} {Speaking of the truly righteous, how's our main researcher doing?} {I'm here. I was just going through the copies of the Westhampton local newspaper I had mailed to me. I'll cross-post this later to that thread, but I think this is important enough to mention here: apparently Connie's having some troubles of her own. Nothing along the lines of what Cole had with her former classmate, but it seems that Connie's been dropped from a pair of local committees. No reason cited on her end -- the reporter tried to interview her and for some reason, she quoted her contract -- but the organizations gave their reason as 'we no longer feel she brings a necessary perspective to our operation' and a variation on same. Local community outreach programs.} {So they dropped her because of what they were seeing on the show, and she can't explain it to them...} {Exactly. And since they're more or less volunteer positions, discrimination suits might be difficult -- I think. The law isn't exactly my specialty. Of course, they might change their minds when the show ends and she is free to talk, but right now, they feel she's bad for their image.} {Wonder why that didn't go national?} {It's not a very big story. Even in her district, it just made the paper because she's a contestant.} {Also, no one died, no one got hurt, and no one fled the country. Blood sells: ink waits for the closeout markdown.} {Plus there's no way Faux News is going to air anything that makes Connie look bad.} {Yeah, minor story. Anyway, we know she's on about a thousand other committees, so it's not as if this creates a serious hole in her schedule.} {But we've only heard about two...} {I still expect this to hit the wire eventually. Probably just before the finale. With all the media coverage we're getting this year, I'm waiting for a 'where are they now?' before the season actually ends.} {Um... I just Googled and found what I think is the exact same article online. At least, they've got that quote right...} {*sigh* I see the problem. They didn't add 'Adams' to the end. No wonder our search engines blew it. What's the date?} {Posted yesterday. I guess the Pony Express was slow going down the LIE.} {I just can't believe you've mastered 'cross-post'.} {Recrap! Who's our little swing vote? Is it Robin? Is it Phillip? Are we completely delusional on that last one? No (and yes), it's Connie, and the no-longer-secret team of Alex & Gardener just recruited someone to make it a threesome! (I am not the least bit responsible for the sheer number of people who just threw up.) But majority isn't enough to make some people happy: everyone's sick of the rain, everyone's getting tired of fish, rice, and fruit for a diet, and Robin is getting really fed up with the whole enforced celibacy issue. We were just reminded that some people haven't been carrying their own weight this season, so now we're going to make people haul at least a percentage of it! And they're going to have to do so while stepping over Osten's cold, dead body! -- oops, Connie and Robin tripped. Mary-Jane gets to convert headlights into skylights, and Phillip gets to interpet 'skylights' as flashing bits of red and blue cruising for Parts Unknown at high speed. He's a one-man TAR team, and he ain't afraid of no six-hundred-pound Roadblock! Not even when that figure includes Gardener's weight! So we're heading for the Pagong trail, and Phillip is still in the lead. Can he save himself with Immunity? No, because we're looking at flying foxes and Phillip just shoots those whenever they swoop over his crops, so Mary-Jane gets to extend her wardrobe for three days. Can he save himself with the idol? No, because no one can find it. Can he listen to Alex as she puts together a majority which might mean a Final Four with him in it? Of course he can! Only a complete idiot wouldn't be able to -- oh. Huh. Okay. Never saw that coming. So the Pagonging continues, and somewhere on Yanini, one very brightly-colored, very active, and very loud bird figures out that the only way to save herself is to fly away, far and fast, to start over somewhere else entirely. And I'm talking about Azure. Robin? She's doomed. In fact, if you listen very closely, any moment now, she's going to start screaming about it. At least, that's our first, best hope. (Second best would be a second jaguar. And Connie. Viewer discretion is not advised. Why would anyone want to scare us away from enjoying ourselves that much?)} ----------------------------------------------------------------- There's nothing wrong with my throwing arm any more -- at least, nothing that goes deep enough to affect my performance in the challenges. The first thing to happen on Day Thirty-One was an official bandage-changing visit from Dietrich. I'm still not allowed to look at the results, but he assured me that there were no signs of infection. (There's also no signs of the common cold for any of us, although two camera operators were pulled out of the rotation until they stop sniffling. I still can't believe we all stayed healthy.) He was also very surprised at how quickly I'd healed. I didn't tell him I'd had lots of practice. Nothing wrong with my throwing arm -- but the other end of the operation is seriously out of practice. "Azure -- fetch." Up goes the twig, and up goes Azure -- but not in time to snag it in the air. And that was after I tossed it almost straight up, giving her time to get some altitude... I guess it's not her fault: she's not a natural hunting bird -- I think: I don't know what parrots eat that isn't premade bird food, snacks, and treats, but the placement of her eyes pretty much screams 'herbivore' -- and she's not used to orienting on speeding objects in order to get her supper. It's no reflection on her intelligence: it's just a lack of natural skill. She has no trouble with picking the twig off the beach and walking it back to me, looking very proud of herself the whole way -- but aerial snags just aren't going to happen without a serious dose of luck. She was able to learn it, though. Every bit of learning Azure displays is pretty impressive, especially when you stack it with all the other lessons. What was the line? 'Intelligence evolves first in predators. How much brains does it take to sneak up on a blade of grass?' Apparently some of those blades can be tricky: just ask Frank. I turn back to my camera operator and shrug. "Well, it works. I'm not sure why it works, but just having it work has to count for something..." Her response is a grin. Personally, I really can't figure out why Azure was trained for this one. Maybe she's secretly a lap parrot. The beach is the coolest place to be today: another heat wave is upon us, and my sleeves have been pushed back again to compensate. Everyone loaded up on water this morning, anticipating heavy sweat during the Reward challenge (and hoping it wouldn't be endurance-based). The wind coming off the ocean shifts my unfrizzed hair -- no humidity: it's a dry heat, for the very little that's worth -- and ruffles my loose clothing. Looser than it should be. I am losing weight: my pants are resting differently across my hips, the reflection of my face in the water shows sharper cheekbones and eyes that have a touch more shadow than usual. Even my bra is a little bit loose. I get tired more easily, and there are times when it feels like it takes twice the effort to accomplish half the goal. Usually during challenges, where half the goal is all I ever seem to reach. But we're all feeling it. Phillip was the first to seriously vocalize it (and the post-vote spread was probably gone in much less than an hour), but I can see it everywhere. Mary-Jane, who had the least to spare, may be the worst off: she's sleeping more than ever now, harder to rouse and groggy for a while after finally finding her feet. Gardener's doing his best, but his reserves are being tapped and he doesn't have an auxiliary tank. Gary's taking it fairly well, but he had some extra pounds to get rid of because no one suspects a secret agent who doesn't look like he came right out of a fitness magazine. Any grouchiness effects on Connie are going to be just about impossible to pick out. Robin's been the most vocal about her weight loss, but she's the most vocal on most subjects. This one's kind of odd -- I would have thought Mary-Jane would be the most concerned about what was happening to her looks -- but Mary-Jane had just shrugged and said that some people actually liked to shoot models at what she thought of as the scary-thin level. Besides, after so much time of being asked to lose weight on demand, it would be nice to gain something without worries. By contrast, Robin has been very visible -- and vocal -- about checking out the fit of her clothing, bra, panties -- right down to the socks. This morning's monologue was a treatise on the fear of brittle hair, finally put to an eye when Mary-Jane gave her most of the conditioner. It's a quiet morning. Phillip did so much work yesterday that there's isn't much left for the morning chores. Wood? Plenty. Water run? Made. Food? Stocked for the minimal time it'll keep. Everyone had breakfast, and then some scattering took place. With the idol hunts becoming more crucial -- if they continue at all -- island exploration is becoming a priority, especially for Robin: after restoring her hair (which didn't look like it really had any damage in the first place), she announced her intention to get a mental map of the entire island and see if she could bounce her way to the Final Two. Robin has not given up -- at least not that she's let anyone see. But she's playing as an individual now: no alliances, no attempts to find new ones. Win or go home. She's picked 'win'. I almost want to root for her, at least for one Immunity challenge. I want to think that if Robin had the necklace or the idol, we'd vote out Connie. But... I throw the twig. Azure fetches the twig. At least I have that much control over what's happening on the island. First rule of the game: whenever you think you have control, someone will try to take it away from you. A radio beep, a quick whispered conversation -- and then my camera operator signals me. Softly, "Go back to camp. Everyone's being rounded up." We must be getting close to Reward, and it's going to be very early today: it hasn't been that long since I reached the beach. Probably a lot less than an hour. That didn't give the others a lot of temporal room to scatter in, so the gathering process shouldn't take much time. I nod, get Azure up on my shoulder -- she pauses long enough to drop the twig in my hand again -- and head in. Robin's already there, as are Mary-Jane and Gary. Apparently she really didn't get very far -- but she's not frustrated about it this time. Robin's in full voice, but the topic is not Map-Making And The Dolts Who Try To Keep You From It. I can't figure out what she's talking about. "...now right after that, Gardener goes out into the jungle on the last idol hunt and winds up finding the one snare trap everyone's overlooked since the billionaire left." Okay, now I've got an idea. "His camera guy goes and gets some help, but by the time they get him down, his face is permanently red and his head is twice its normal size. Not that anyone can really tell, because it's finally in proportion to his biceps." Mary-Jane laughs. "But they take him out on a medivac anyway, so now it's me, Alex, and Gary..." With no other instructions to follow, I join them at the table. "Final Two scenarios?" Gary nods, grinning. "Yeah. Ways any of us can make it. Apparently Mary-Jane wins after Connie drops into a crack in the earth. God realizes Connie's in the final two, gets fed up, and..." Now there's a welcome image. Unlikely, but really intriguing. "Excuse me?" Robin, not particularly exasperated. "I was at Final Three here. Okay, Gary -- at this point, I decide I just can't go on because the love of my life needs me, so I grab onto a helicopter leg as it's taking off..." Hey, I'm Final Two! I wonder how many votes Gary is going to beat me by. The world may never know: Gardener gets escorted in. "...and get a free ride all the way to the States, where you get treated for severe delusional episodes. And my head at twice the normal size would be pretty damn noticeable. How did I win?" "You don't," Robin immediately replies. "So far, I've got you trapped in a snare, eaten by a giant Venus fly trap, and meeting the big brother of the shark Richard pissed off." None of which she seems to mind in the least. Connie probably doesn't object to them either. "And me?" Coming in off the water path. "Oh, you get a unanimous vote," Robin assures her. "The billionaire's ghost descends on the camp and murders the rest of us for intruding on his territory. You're protected by your faith, and the jury has to vote for someone..." Both of Connie's thin eyebrows go up. "Well -- winners can't be choosers, either." She takes a seat with the rest of us: Gardener is the last to drop into position. "Are we waiting for the Reward notice? Who's getting the Tree Mail?" We are -- and we aren't, not yet: this instruction comes from Gardener's camera operator, very soft for the absolute order it represents. "Talk about your families." A long moment of silence as deep breaths are taken around most of the table, a small smile appears on Mary-Jane's face, Robin's expression switches to pure 'a-ha!' -- and then a longer one as people think about where to start. Well, I always wondered. Now I know. There was always a suspicious amount of 'I miss...' talk before that challenge came around, and why? Because people were being asked to do it. The show needs specific footage from a given moment in time, and this is the way they're going to get it. Connie's the first to figure out her segue, especially since the show probably won't use the words after 'either.' "I think my husband would have trouble with that route, though -- he doesn't believe in ghosts, and he'd insist that everyone had gotten some blowfish liver or something." She sighs. "There's spirit summoning in the Old Testament, actually, but that was probably an angel... we talk about that sort of thing sometimes." The emotion seems to be sincere here: "I miss him. It's one thing to say you're going to spend over a month away from everyone and everything you love, and something else entirely to be in the middle of it. All the words you tell yourself before you go don't have the same force once you actually get here." Gary nods. "I know what you mean. I miss my daughters, I miss my son, I miss my wife... and I knew I would. But I generally don't spend this much time away from them." His secret missions tend to be short. "I'm glad I sleep on the pallet, because it reminds me there isn't another body next to mine." A long sigh. "I almost miss work." Mary-Jane's smile is very soft. "I miss my dad." Her mother is dead, and she's an only child. "Sometimes I wonder what he'd say if he saw me here." A mischievous pause. "Besides that I wasn't taking care of myself and he didn't want me hanging around with such a rough crowd." Robin nods. "Same here -- father, anyway." Both parents still alive, two sisters. "But I don't want to see my mom. Because you'd get a caution and I'd get a lecture. I'm out of practice on ignoring her. It's not easy to go selectively deaf on one second's warning." Well, Phillip could have given her some reminders... Which brings us to Gardener -- who's quiet, looking down at the tabletop, eyes focused on nothing he wants us to see. It takes a while before he recognizes the sheer number of cameras pointed in his direction. "I haven't seen Audrey in months." One brother living, one sister living, one brother deceased. Mother in nursing home with senile dementia, father deceased. He takes a very slow breath. "I put her down as my primary in case we got a family visit Reward. But --we're separated. She's the person I most wanted to see and she's the one I asked to come. So if we get one --" half-playing to the cameras, at least half because we all know what's coming next "-- and she walks out from the bushes, then..." He usually doesn't sound like this: he's more direct in his speech, more forceful. He generally doesn't sound like a freshman asking a senior out on a date, certain in the knowledge of the upcoming rejection, still hoping on the miracle of it not happening because there's no other reason to try. "...maybe things aren't that bad. But if it's A.J. or Susie..." And a sudden sigh which takes all the strength out of his voice. "Damn. I've been trying not to think about this." "Gardener?" Gary, concern laced through every syllable. "What happened between you two?" Gardener looks up at him -- then shakes his head. "I screwed up. That's all you need to know. I screwed up big-time, it was all my fault, and I had it coming. I made a big assumption on her end, lost my head for a while, and did something as stupid as it could possibly be. I screwed up and I'm going to spend the rest of my life feeling like an ass for it -- unless she walks onto that beach. If she shows up, I have to think she still feels something. I've got to." His eyes go back to examining the table. "Unless she shoves a set of divorce papers into my hands and walks out." Robin blinks -- then sighs. Everyone looks up: it's not something she does that often. "You cheated." The words are unusually gentle, but it's not their tone that has Gardener staring at her. "It's easy enough to work out, Gardener. You thought she was cheating on you, so you went and cheated on her. And she wasn't. And you did. And that was it." A touch of his normal irritability flashes into brief existence. "Sure, put it on the air -- no way they're not using that..." And another sigh. "It's pretty much an open secret back home, anyway. You don't have the opener straight, but you've sure got the second part down. Someone had been really after me for a while, and -- screwed up. So either Audrey shows up or she doesn't." He abruptly puts his hands against the ground, thrusts himself up with knees and arms. "Is the damn Tree Mail here yet?" It is. "Mine." No echoes of Desmond here: he just wants this over with. One way or another, he wants to know -- and down the narrow path he goes. Nearly all the sticker branches are broken off now. Robin watches him go, shaking her head. One soft curse emerges from her lips, followed by "New way Gardener goes out: he starts hitting himself and doesn't stop." Still with less volume than usual. Gary sighs. "He's hurting. Badly. He's probably been using every bit of work here as a way of not thinking about this, and that brought it all home." Connie nods. "Forgiveness doesn't come easily when you break a Commandment." But it's not as harsh as usual. "Not even when you try to forgive yourself. If he didn't regret it so much, he wouldn't be taking it so hard." Most people seem to be going along with that one, from camera operators on in. Is her sympathy obvious? Yes. Is it real? Place your bets. Robin's laugh is very fast and kept low. "Unless he's playing for the cameras. But my rejected backside says different." Unless he's promising Final Four on a marriage that can't be saved... Mary-Jane is still looking down the trail. "I don't think Gardener's much for sympathy." Some focus on her. "He did what he did and now he wants to fix it. It's his job to fix. He knows we can't do much. He took the responsibility -- that's what telling us means. It's out in the open. He took the blame in front of the whole country." Or at least whatever percentage of it winds up watching the episode. "Maybe that's his newest way of apologizing to her." "Could be," Gary admits. "I guess we'll see how it works in a minute." Robin looks us over. "Hey -- let's make a pact, okay?" Group attention to what turns out to be a little bit of forgiveness, if not necessarily for everything up to no-heat-engine-here. "If it's one of those things where the winner gets to take someone along, everyone gives Gardener a little time with her. Unless she does the papers thing." Everyone agrees with that, and we wait on Gardener. Empty promises... Connie might not. Everyone else might. But with me -- -- Gardener comes back up the trail, scroll in hand. He stops in front of the table, looks down, and shakes his head. Any lingering emotion has been banished: he's back to his normal state. Raw necessity, heavily focused. "Brace yourselves." Uh-oh. A deep breath, and then a very fast read: he wants this one over with. "'Familiar voices, faces too, all the memories you once knew. Tell us facts and tell them true, to go back to the one who's waiting for you.' Don't make me read that again." That to the camera operator who was just starting on the inhale and point. "I never knew English teachers had it this damn rough. Does anyone in the mansion know what 'meter' is? Go ahead, tell me it's an oversized yard. I dare you." Mary-Jane giggles. "Quiz time..." I agree. Island life, general facts for our island chain, the works. Gary nods. "Okay, guys -- let's go get this one over with." The words 'for Gardener's sake' are unspoken, but still echo as he stands up. "Wonder what comes with this one? Family member in camp, sure, maybe another mansion trip -- but with all the sponsors, something else has to be riding with this one." Connie thinks it over and comes up with a possible answer as we start out of camp. "Lifetime cell phone plan?" Sure, call friends and family free forever. She had to get one eventually, right? "I just hope he brings them out first." The sighs are really coming out today. "I probably can't win again, but at least I can see my husband." More agreement with that -- we're all agreeing with Connie a lot today, at least for the cameras -- and we head up the beach trail. It's a silent journey this time -- everyone's thinking about their upcoming sighting, and we're all giving Gardener a little mental space. (He's at the head of the line. I don't think it'll do any good. I'm pretty sure Jeff's going to bring his visitor out last.) I watch the ocean from the Cliffs and think about the heat. It's climbing fast. But quiz challenges tend to be short, so bladder endurance from all the water everyone drank won't come into play, and you can sweat your way through the answers. So the weather won't be a factor. But it's still going to be way too hot today. No waiting at the entrance this time -- "Come on in, guys!" -- and no challenge equipment set out for us, either: the beach is almost bare. Our mat, Jeff's usual waiting position is marked off (and occupied by Jeff), two benches -- one near Haraiki's trail entrance, one near ours -- and cameras. There's probably a bunch of color-coded cubes with the letters A through D plus Yes and No on their sides lurking just out of sight. "Amanu about to get their first look at the new Outcast tribe." No one jumps. Jeff grins anyway. "I'll have you know I got Aras to jump about six feet with that one. Straight up." Probably because it was said after Shane went out. He looks us over. There's a lot of wriggling going on, mostly with Mary-Jane and Robin. Gary keeps looking down the various trails and has to have his attention called back to center by the challenge staff. Connie needs two warnings. Gardener is shuffling his weight from foot to foot: either he's very nervous or he drank a lot more water than I thought. "Well," Jeff eventually says after giving us all a lot of time to become still more anticipatory and nervous in, "this is another one of those times when I show you what you're playing for first and explain the challenge second." Gary could not be more relieved -- and as it turns out, he's up first. "Gary?" Whose attention could not be more focused. I don't think he's blinked since he stepped onto the mat. "This is your daughter Shari." Gary's eyes go wide, and he takes a half-step off the mat. Something's wrong -- Shari must not have been primary... But then she comes out from Haraiki's trail entrance, and the first words out of her mouth are "Mom couldn't get out of court!" Gary immediately laughs with relief, takes a full step off the mat -- -- and Jeff looks at him -- -- Gary steps back. No contact before the challenge... ...wrong. No contact before Jeff gives the word. "Ten-second rule," he smiles, and Gary moves faster than I've ever seen him, heading straight for his older daughter... Gary told us she looks more like her mother than him, almost a younger version of Michelle. (The other Michelle.) Shari's about five and a half feet tall, darker-hued than Gary, hair long, dark and straight except for where it's been braided into a sidetail over her left ear. She's wearing an odd combination of clothing: bright blue blouse, light brown chinos, gold sandals, and a Washington Grays cap. Solidly built, over the supposed ideal weight without being overweight, giving off an aura of presence. Utterly comfortable in her own skin and with her own fashion choices, although Mary-Jane is now up to giving her the thrice-over. "Dad!" she cries out as he sweeps her into a hug, trying to pick her up with little success. "Not in front of the twenty million people!" But she's laughing... Jeff gives them something that's more like a count of twelve, and then Shari takes a seat on the more distant bench. Gary retreats to our mat, grinning all the way. "That was good for eight more days right there," he announces to the estimated twenty million people. "Got another jaguar?" Our host watches Gary with bright eyes. You could almost think he enjoys this too. There's real emotion here, honest caring and love... ...and it has to move along. "Connie?" It's the most alert I've ever seen her. "Here's your husband. Edward?" She's never described him to me, but I had a strong mental image of the kind of man Connie might marry. As it turns out, I have the first few parts exactly right: he's white and somewhat older than she is -- at least according to his hands, because he's stemming the tide of time with a dam of stitches, too. He is letting his hair go gray, though, probably because it looks dignified on a doctor. Very short cut, very businesslike, and that applies to his dress and posture: expensive casual clothing is a habit of both partners, and he walks as if getting ready to extend his hand to either close a deal or tell someone their sibling just died. He really looks more like a funeral director than a heart surgeon: tall and gaunt with somewhat hollow features, a sharp nose, and something of a pronounced chin. But Connie meets him in the middle, and he loosens enough to give her what looks like a very sincere hug, followed by a quick kiss. This is followed by her whispering something in his ear -- and when they break contact, he stares at me. Great. I have a new friend. Connie returns smiling and takes her place on the mat without a word. "Robin -- we brought your sister Lisa." And Robin walks out. Everyone does a double take as Robin strides out with more dignity than anyone else has shown to date and gives herself a hug. "How's Mom?" she asks herself. "A total bitch," she answers herself. "You had to hear her when she found out you'd picked me." Our Robin sounds very pleased with herself. "Good. Maybe it'll stick in her craw and shut her up for a while..." The new one sighs. "Oh, if only..." They separate, and ours comes back. I'm completely sure it's ours. They had no chance to switch clothes. And presumbly they haven't had practice in speed-changing held in a confessional area while they alternate in and out of the game. I hope. Robin grins at us. "I told you I had two sisters." And this pause is just to let the knife start sinking into the wrong target. "I never mentioned the triplet thing?" No, somehow, that never came up. I got the impression they were all very close in age, but... Gardener's groan could not be any deeper. "Oh, God -- there's three of them..." "Yeah," Robin confirms. "But I'm generally the least horny." And before anyone can try to recover from that -- although Lisa is going to need some extra time to get back to the bench after falling off in any case -- Jeff chokes back his own reaction and just manages to deliver "Mary-Jane, your father. David, come out." Mary-Jane doesn't even let him get all the way out of the trail entrance, and her running room lets her get up enough speed to drive him a couple of steps back. "Mary-Jane!" David gasps as his daughter lifts him and spins him around. The seriously overprotective father is my height. Very thin, early fifties, completely bald (but it looks shaved), classic Roman nose to go with a white-blonde mustache, not much of a chin, but a very strong voice once he gets control of it -- almost booming. Which makes sense: he's a satellite radio show host. "A little dignity!" "Are you kidding?" she laughs. "Daddy!" And just about smothers him with kisses, to the point where Jeff has to give her the ten-second warning. Twice. "Okay, okay..." She practically skips all the way back to the mat. But all that does is bring us to the hard one. "Gardener." Jeff's voice just went quiet -- and suddenly, we're all paying attention to no one else. Even our visitors have sharpened their senses: they don't know what's going on here, but they know something has to be up for Jeff to be using that tone, and Gardener's straining forward without moving, every muscle wants to do something while knowing it's absolutely no good here, our man of action needs to take one while being as helpless as he's ever been, waiting out the pause with no way to make it stop, and for the first time ever, his eyes are pleading... ...and then that's gone. Back to our normal Gardener, irritated at the overly-long wait. But it was there, I know I saw it -- "-- we brought Audrey." He's never described her to us. She looks nothing like I'd pictured her. I'd had a mental image of a strong woman, as physically powerful as her husband, all muscle tone and bikini shorts to go with a halter top. Apply oil, take cover photo. But she's tiny -- less than five feet tall. Very thin. Almost fragile-looking, seemingly much younger than Gardener is, light brown hair brushed straight back, dark blue eyes -- almost violet -- thin lips and a harsh set to her chin. Slim arms fully visible given the yellow sleeveless sundress, tiny feet which almost raise small clouds of silica as they hit the sand. Gardener's jaw drops slightly, and he takes a quick breath through his mouth. He takes half a hesitant step off the mat --then another. He is inching towards Audrey, who's striding with purpose towards him. Speed on one end, scared snail on the other: Gardener doesn't get twelve feet away from us before she reaches him. Slowly, tiptoeing through the minefield when any noise will bring sniper fire, explosion or not, "Audrey..." She slaps him. Full to the face, open right palm, slightly cupped. The sound it produces is louder than it should be, and it takes a very long time to die away. Gardener doesn't move. No one is moving. There's nothing we can say, nothing that can be done. Jeff isn't going to interrupt. We can't help. Connie can't even get Audrey removed from the game for a rules violation. And Gardener just stands there, eyes now closed, waiting -- before he turns his head and offers up the other cheek. "You jerk!" Audrey shouts with a voice that's much louder and lower than I'd thought it would be -- her arm goes up again -- -- and then she's caressing his other cheek. Gardener's eyes slowly open. "I still haven't forgiven you," she firmly tells him. "But I had a lot of time to think about things. You're not out of chances, asshole. But as soon as you get back, you're going on your last one." She shakes her head at him. As a weapon, it's more effective than the mines. "You'd better win, damn it. We've got to talk." Gardener silently nods. Audrey strides over to the visitor's bench and sits down hard, immediately seeming to occupy a very large amount of it. Gardener takes a very long time to cross the four steps back to us. His cheek is still bright red, and his eyes are closed for most of the way. And then Jeff looks at me. "Alex?" I nod to him, step off the mat, and walk to the Turare-side bench to take my seat. Mary-Jane gasps. Connie stares at me. Gary looks like he just got home and discovered he left the lights on for thirty-nine days. Robin is still trying to blink away her surprise. And Gardener starts to say something -- stops -- then doesn't bother going for the silent echo. "Damn it, damn it -- I forgot..." He actually sounds sort of sympathetic. That's going to win major bonus points from Audrey. Gary sighs. "We all forgot. I was looking forward to seeing my own family and I completely forgot..." Much to my surprise, Connie nods -- although she forgot to borrow any faked sympathy from Gardener. Yes, she forgot: that's why she didn't use the opportunity to get a shot in. "Guys, it's okay." I shrug the one available shoulder. "This was worked out in advance." There were complications when I applied... How can you bring out a family member for someone who doesn't have one? The show cast people with mothers, fathers, siblings -- any surviving relatives -- just to make sure they could press one more button when waterworks time came around. (And those relatives had to be confirmed as surviving -- thanks, Jon.) But we'd talked, and we'd come to an agreement. "When I got the call, it was settled." Because Mary-Jane is still staring at me, and there's something weird about her eyes. Moisture, I think. She must still be worked up after hugging her father. "If I made it to the family Reward, I'd just sit down." And have. I don't know what everyone's surprised by. I'm not upset. They're not supposed to be thinking of me. These are members of their families: hear about the Reward, look forward to seeing them, then fight to get some time with them. Gardener definitely had other things to consider. If nothing else, I just helped them: the odds of winning just increased. Maybe I can remind Connie of that one sometime, especially if she wins. Azure headbutts me. It's a lot more gentle than usual. Great: everyone is misreading my mood... Mary-Jane still looks like she's on the verge of testing her long legs to see just how high up she can kick herself. "Sorry, Alex..." Robin nods once, which is all I'm ever going to get out of her. I'm thankful for that. Really, I am. No matter how impatient I almost want to try looking, mostly because I'm hoping it'll give our host the hint to move the timetable forward. Can we get to the challenge, please? I can pretend I'm watching from home on a really good set. Jeff nods. "She worked it out with us before she ever got here," he tells the others. "Alex --" -- is out of this Challenge. Hasn't quit: just can't play. It's okay, Jeff. I never thought I'd get this far, but I was ready for it if I did -- "-- this is your mother." -----------------------------------------------------------------   Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Subject     Author     Message Date     ID    RE: Survivor: The Society Islands:... vince3 11-23-06 1    RE: Survivor: The Society Islands:... cahaya 11-23-06 2        RE: Survivor: The Society Islands:... michel 11-24-06 3            RE: Survivor: The Society Islands:... cahaya 11-25-06 6                I Will Never Forgive You AyaK 11-26-06 7                    RE: I Will Never Forgive You cahaya 11-26-06 8                        RE: I Will Never Forgive You rasslinmomma 11-26-06 9                            *Begins chanting* vince3 11-27-06 10  RE: Survivor: The Society Islands:... azkate 11-24-06 4    RE: Survivor: The Society Islands:... xwraith27 11-24-06 5  I Will Never Forgive You: Part II Estee 11-29-06 11    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... Colonel Zoidberg 11-29-06 12    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... cahaya 11-30-06 13        RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... vince3 11-30-06 14            RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... cahaya 11-30-06 16    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... vince3 11-30-06 15    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... azkate 11-30-06 17    Visual reinactments AyaK 12-02-06 18    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... Belle Book 01-13-09 27  I Will Never Forgive You: Part III Estee 12-04-06 19    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... michel 12-05-06 20        RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... cahaya 12-06-06 21    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... Belle Book 01-13-09 28  I Will Never Forgive You: Part IV Estee 12-09-06 22    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part... Belle Book 02-26-10 30  I Will Never Forgive You: Conclusi... Estee 12-14-06 23    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Conc... vince3 12-15-06 24    Comments AyaK 12-15-06 25    RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Conc... Belle Book 01-13-09 29  RE: Survivor: The Society Islands:... Belle Book 01-13-09 26

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vince3 15726 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-23-06, 05:47 PM (EST) 1. "RE: Survivor: The Society Islands: Episode #11: I Will Never Forgive You" "Alex --" "-- this is your mother." Well, that explains the title and the Riddlemaster clues in one fell swoop! (Both for this episode and the one for the beginning of the series!) A gift from Cygnus!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 14104 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-23-06, 11:19 PM (EST) 2. "RE: Survivor: The Society Islands: Episode #11: I Will Never Forgive You" (loud *thud*) A colorful multicultural creation by tribephyl. (don't panic, I'm still breathing... barely.)   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

michel 6689 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-24-06, 07:54 AM (EST) 3. "RE: Survivor: The Society Islands: Episode #11: I Will Never Forgive You" {We're about to hear the scream from the previews!} {Yeah, it wasn't another jaguar!} {It's worse!}   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 14104 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-25-06, 00:10 AM (EST) 6. "RE: Survivor: The Society Islands: Episode #11: I Will Never Forgive You" {A blast from the past!}   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

AyaK 8129 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-26-06, 04:23 PM (EST) 7. "I Will Never Forgive You" {This isn't Survivor. It's Survivor meets Crocodile Hunter meets Who's Your Daddy Mommy?. EPMB, I will never forgive you.}   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 14104 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-26-06, 07:07 PM (EST) 8. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You" {... meets Family Feud} "And the survey sez..."   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

rasslinmomma 925 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent" 11-26-06, 08:07 PM (EST) 9. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You" @#$(*^& Commercials! It's about to get GOOD... Slice & Dice Chop Shop 2004   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

vince3 15726 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-27-06, 10:23 PM (EST) 10. "*Begins chanting*" We want the show! We want the show! We want the show! We want the show! We want the show! We want the show! A gift from Cygnus!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

azkate 239 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star" 11-24-06, 09:37 AM (EST) 4. "RE: Survivor: The Society Islands: Episode #11: I Will Never Forgive You" Holy Carp! I, too, need CPR...Cahaya make room for me on the floor! another tribe work of art   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

xwraith27 1136 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest" 11-24-06, 06:44 PM (EST) 5. "RE: Survivor: The Society Islands: Episode #11: I Will Never Forgive You" Wow! Now THAT was a great twist. I'm laughing so hard, everyone in my office's looking at me.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Estee 44384 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-29-06, 03:12 PM (EST) 11. "I Will Never Forgive You: Part II" LAST EDITED ON 12-08-06 AT 06:10 PM (EST) After ----------------------------------------------------------------- (From the CBS website, Survivor Gold section: Alex's twenty-third confessional, unedited for premium subscribers.) {The first thing we see is a time stamp superimposed on the empty citrus grove: this confessional was filmed late on Day Thirty, making it one of the very rare pieces of footage to air completely outside its immediate episode cycle. ALEX walks in a few seconds later: AZURE is on her left shoulder. ALEX plops down hard against the base of her usual tree, looking somewhat irritated. AZURE hangs on for the ride, but spreads her wings as if trying to slow the descent.} "Helpful hint for future contestants. Never even think the words 'in control of the game'. It's guaranteed not to work out." {some definite irritation} "I know it's just about impossible to keep that kind of thing out of your head, but maybe if you got some hypnosis before you came out..." {Off-camera voice prompt, female: 'I'm as surprised as you are.'} {ALEX sighs. AZURE sighs.} "You know, at home, you're always wondering how people can be so -- well, stupid. Why they don't see when it's in their own best interests to make a decision, how can they keep going on that course and fail to recognize that they're about to be in trouble when they could just change things up and save themselves... And then you get out here and see it happening right in front of you -- and you still have no idea what's going through their heads... Did your last people ever tell you about what they were thinking there?" {'I -- don't have any 'last people'. Not here, anyway. I just joined the show this season -- switched tribes. I wanted to try something new for a while. I've got an open invitation to come back from my old boss, and maybe I'll take it eventually -- but... Well, yes, sometimes they spoke about their reasons, but theirs didn't apply to any situations here.} "You changed shows?" {resigned} "And you can't tell me which one you were on before, and I shouldn't even bother asking. It was probably Donald and you were sick of Manhattan air..." {wearily} "I can't save Phillip with his own help and I can't save him in spite of himself. Mary-Jane and her stupid theoretical jury votes..." {another sigh} "You'd think he would have at least wanted to stick around for the family reward. That's probably tomorrow. Three more days and he gets to see someone from the throng on the first one." {still weary, but now slightly thoughtful} "Maybe Gillie. From everything he's said, it's hard to see Jess showing up." {'If we have one this year, who's coming for you?'} "'If.' Cute." {ALEX eases AZURE off her shoulder so she can lean back against the tree.} "No one. Easy enough?" {'But --'} {ALEX raises her left hand: it's very clearly a cut-off move.} "I talked it over with the casting people. There was a while when I thought it would be the last obstacle to my making the cast. 'Here's -- nobody!' That's going to make lousy television. But we reached an agreement -- if I somehow managed to make it to that challenge --" {some sarcasm} "-- and we actually had one this time around -- I'd just sit out. No complaints, no protests, no secondary Reward in case I managed to win -- nothing. They agreed." {shrugs} "I don't think any of us thought I'd still be around at this point anyway." {'Including you?'} {nods} "Including me." {shrugs again} "But Phillip has so many people to choose from -- three sisters, three brothers, kids, nieces, nephews, he still has two grandparents alive -- you'd almost think we'd be getting a parade: Jeff just bringing out one person after another. Maybe someone could get Jess out here, but I think they'd have to tranquilize her first. Phillip hasn't said anything about it, but I kind of got the impression she might be afraid of flying. Maybe he's practically quitting just to save her the trauma." {'Phillip's made his decision. You know it gives you three more days. Doesn't that make it a favorable one for you overall?'} "It also gives Connie three more days. And that's at the absolute minimum." {sighs} "We're getting close to something very ugly. I wanted to avert it. But now I don't know if it's possible any more. I know what has to be done -- but now I'm in a place where I might have to be the one who helps do it. And it's acting in my own best interests, but --" {stops} {'But what?'} "Never mind." {'Try finding another way to phrase it?'} "I want it to be for strategy. I just don't want to wind up acting out of stupidity..." ----------------------------------------------------------------- During ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Good morning, Amanu! At least, it's a better morning for some people than others. Robin gets the first confessional with "I'd like to apologize to the guy who does the bleeps and blurs for us, because I know he's about to lose most of his overtime. I've got three options: find the idol, win Immunity, or get a direct act of God. And direct acts of God just don't come along on request. So I'm going to start exploring the island like crazy, every free minute I get, just to give myself a better chance at the first option. The second one's hard. The third... I don't know. Maybe Gardener can get eaten by a giant Venus flytrap..." And we swing back to camp, where Robin is telling the rest of that story instead of exploring the island. Nice priorities, Breslin.} {This is some funny stuff. Robin's got potential summary-writing talent.} {Hey -- given her last name...} {Probably not. You'd think she would have said something about it by now.} {Connie's been quiet about the 'president' thing, but that can't last.} {And Connie is swallowed up by the very planet! Get ready for an earthquake: the planet's about to be sick.} {Everyone gathering... huh. Not much 'state of the tribe' stuff this morning: looks like we're on track for a really early challenge.} {And here's why: we need extra time for the waterworks to start flowing. Everyone knows what this little editing cue means.} {Ahem.} {Oh, right: you're still pretty new. Any time you see contestants talking about their families like this, it means one member of each family will very shortly be coming out from behind the bushes. The challenge varies, but time spent with a family member is always part of the Reward, if not the whole. Sometimes it's private -- another mansion visit -- sometimes it's a day spent in camp with the others, and there's times when they do both and make it a pecking order sort of thing, decided by the winner.} {So what does that mean for Cole?} {*blink* Good question. They could always substitute a best friend or something, I guess.} {She has friends?} {The continued cover-up attempts aren't getting any less cute & cuddly, y'know.} {Gardener talking openly about his separation... you could almost believe he's really hurting here. And apparently the others are ready to fall for it, because they just made a pact: if it's the order-sorter, then he gets at least second place.} {Can the poems get any worse this season? Do we really want to find out?} {Jeff getting a shot in on Aras there. Kind of makes you wonder what Shane's reaction was. And how many tranquilizer darts it took before he stopped having it.} {Gary, lock up your daughters. Wow!} {She's your type?} {She's not yours?} {Little bottom-heavy for my taste.} {What taste?} {'Mr. and Mrs. Anybody, I'm so sorry to tell you...'} {I didn't see smoke when they touched, so at least one person is immune to Connie's acid.} {They actually look like they care about each other, don't they? Everyone's got someone, I guess. There might be some real love here, or at least 'it's nice to have a regular cuddling partner after getting back late at night from my own affair.'} {The family that gets their faces sewn together, stays together?} {...you've got to be kidding me!} {There's two of them?} {Gardener, prepare to become the meat in a redhead sandwich.} {It's worse. There's three...} {Oh, great. I won't be able to stop having fantasies for the rest of the season.} {Hang on. So all three sisters had the exact same nose job?} {There's a little difference... for starters, Robin's got more muscular legs. But yeah -- identical triplets. Sheesh. We have exactly one hope left, and that's based on the sheer rarity of quads.} {Wait a minute -- I know that voice! David Learner! He does drive-time for the rock history channel! That's M-J's father? And that's what he looks like? I always thought the man was seven feet tall and built like a Greek god!} {M-J got his hair -- what there is of it -- but where did the rest come from?} {I guess with a voice like that, you start off on phone dates and meet your future wife later. Mary-Jane's mother must have been ultra-hot.} {And here we go...} {How can anyone that small take up an entire screen?} {OW!} {Sorry, Gardener: marriage over. No, wait. Scratch that. Sorry, Gardener: now stand still and get hit some more.} {...I don't believe it. Someone actually just turned the other cheek and had it work.} {Think this means that promise to Alex is actually good?} {And Alex -- quits?} {No: just sits down. Looks like this is family only, no friends -- yes, she's explaining it to the others. One of the very rare times we've heard about pre-show events: she made a deal with the producers.} {Everyone looking stunned -- Gary on the verge of kicking himself -- Connie on the verge of going for the Emmy nomination -- nope, couldn't pull it off. No crocodile tears for our poor abandoned orphan here.} {...what?} {Commercials? Now? Damn you, Burnett!} {Didn't this series get canceled after one episode?} {I don't believe this. I just don't believe it. Was she lying about being an orphan all along? A full-season play designed to bring in sympathy votes? And then it backfired on her?} {Alex is not Jon.} {Prove it.} {What the hell are we going to see next?} {I think we're going to hear something next. And I think it'll be a little piece of a very private, very personal hell.} ----------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes my body acts before my brain tells it to. It happens to everyone. Your arm moves to catch an object before you've consciously realized it was thrown or dropped, the kneel to gather in a found coin begins a split-second before the find itself is registered, anger makes a fist before so-called civilization can tell it to relax. No one's immune. The brain gets a casting vote, but the rest of the body forms a jury -- and votes in the occasional override. You do things without meaning to, and they're not always what you want to happen. This time, my body gets it right. Jeff speaks -- and my eyes close. I stand up, walk around the bench without opening them. I know where I'm going. This isn't Day Four: Challenge Beach is well-known to all of us now, and the entire tribe could navigate it blindfolded without so much as a stumble. Behind me, there are gasps, confusion (mostly from the Haraiki-side bench), and people calling my name. Jeff's voice is the most distinct: "Alex!" I'm not listening to him. He has nothing to say that I could possibly want to hear. I move faster, open my eyes when I think I'm at the entrance to our former animal hunt trail, find that I am, and -- -- I'm running -- -- when did I go off the path? Where is this place? Azure's squawks come from overhead: she took off at some point and she's following from the air. I don't know these plants. The flowers are strange colors, all the scents are wrong. That tree looks like it's upside-down: roots in the air, branches at the base. I don't understand how I got here -- -- but I'm still running -- run away, get just out of sight and then hide -- and if I don't know where I am, maybe no one else will either -- -- footsteps behind me. I run faster -- -- don't know this place either, don't recognize when the transition took place, don't care -- -- stop. There's a river in front of me. I've never seen this one before. Not too deep, but wide: maybe thirty feet across. Artificial, like just about everything else. Apple trees on the other side of the bank, all starting to bear fruit: a strange yellow that's verging into orange. Ferns on this side. I can't jump the river and it'll take some time to wade. The current looks very fast. Maybe I could just get in and let it sweep me somewhere. Anywhere. Someplace that isn't here. Sweat -- so much sweat -- no, wait: that feels wrong on my arms, the liquid is too thick... I'm bleeding. Not much, but it's there. The rolled-up sleeves, it's all the heat wave's fault. I must have cornered around some trees too closely, scraped the skin on some bark. It's nothing severe: just a few scratches. It'll heal. Nearly everything heals. More footsteps behind me. I whirl back, my eyes wanting to close again but I can't let them, I have to see who's in pursuit -- -- my camera operator, looking completely out of breath. She's wheezing, and it starts to turn into pants and gasps as she slows down. I'm breathing hard. I don't have the strength for this. Too much running, too much to run away from, too much to think about and too much strength used in pushing it away. I don't want to think any more. Thinking doesn't do anything. No one on the staff thought and -- -- no, I can't -- -- tired. So very tired. Azure squawks up at me, somewhere near my feet: she just came in for an unusually low landing just so she can headbutt my calves. I drop down to my knees, pet her because she's there and it's something to do. I should get across the river. It'll erase my scent or something: isn't that what the stories say? But my camera operator is here, and she can radio back my position. I can run, but I can't hide. The eyes are everywhere. People will always see... ...bleeding. I should wash out the cuts. I'm on the riverbank: just lean forwards a little, dip my arms into the water, swirl them around for a few heartbeats, bring them back up -- -- watch the water and blood running from my skin in equal measure -- -- no -- -- I can't stop myself. I look up. '...the trouble you don't see coming, the event you never expected or wanted...' There's a full moon in the sky. A daylight moon. And I scream. Pitch my head back and scream, empty my lungs and stop just long enough to get enough for a second salvo, scream from the pain, scream at the moon, scream at the universe. It hurts, it hurts more than anything's ever hurt before, more than beatings, more than the jaguar, more than all the pain in my entire life put together. I scream because I've lost the only thing I ever really had to call my own. I scream because my future isn't mine any more. No more waiting things out, no more hanging on until the moment when I can try to seize the reins and guide my own life. No more decisions that mean anything. No more free will, no independent thought. Nothing except being a puppet in someone else's hands, cards from another's deck, playing out my part in a set reality with no way to escape. I can't make decisions. I can't pretend to control anything, not even my own actions. All I can do is wait for the lightning to strike, the gavel to drop, the unknown to pump its venom into my body -- -- screaming and screaming, it won't stop, Azure retreating from me in fear, my camera operator just visible at the absolute periphery of vision, eyes wide with shock, she thinks I've gone insane -- 'It can also mean madness, but that's more of a classical definition.' -- "DAMN YOU, TRINA!" And a little cry of shock on my left. "Damn you... just... just damn you..." My throat hurts. That's all screaming ever does. It makes your throat hurt. It doesn't make things stop or start. It doesn't change anything -- -- and a voice behind me, filled with concern, a little worry, just the slightest touch of panic but you'd really have to be listening for it, "Alex?" My body acts again. It gets me on my feet, spins me around, brings my fingers together and my left arm back as the eyes look for a target, plenty of choices, he's bigger than me and that just means I have so many more places to hit him and hit him again and keep hitting him until he makes all this go away, until he makes it never have been -- -- stop. Jeff is less than two feet away, his right arm starting to come up into a defensive posture as his eyes widen with shock. I am in front of him, fist ready, left arm cocked back, clearly aiming for his stomach, not bad for instinct, a quick gut punch to double him over and bring so much else within easy reach -- but my fist is frozen. I've stopped just short of hitting the host. Less than six inches away from automatic removal from the game. Azure lands on my shoulder and screams something wordless at Jeff. I'm upset, so she's upset. I'm rounding on him, so it's his fault. All I have to do is say two little words and we'll see if he still has eyes left five minutes from now, five minutes in which he can scream and feel all the pain I'm feeling and maybe, just maybe, the dimmest of all possibilities, realize what he did to bring it on himself -- "-- you bastard!" My face is wet. I must have gotten water from the river on it -- no, that's not it, I'm crying, I never cry! "That was the whole reason I was cast! Idol clues I could solve just when I needed them most, not sending me out after the fall, anything to keep me in the game, just so you could get me to this! You had this set up before I ever got here! Everything was worked out right after you finished reading my application!" My fist is shivering: it wants to close the remaining distance. My body is shivering, and I can't make it stop. "The only reason I got to come here is so you could put her and me together on the same beach and see what happened! Well, you found out, didn't you?" Force my arm to go down, force it... "Get her off the island!" Why won't the tears stop? I made myself forget how to make them start and apparently I lost the skill of making them go away at the same time: who knew that was going to be needed? "Get her out of here!" Jeff looks confused, maybe even a little scared, and I like that. I want him to look scared. I want him to cry. I don't want him to decide it's safe for him to talk, but that's the conclusion he comes to anyway. "Alex, calm down --" "Shut up!" Who said he could speak? What gives him the right to say anything after that? "The only words I want to hear from you are 'We're having her removed.' Go ahead, Jeff. Say that if you're going to say anything! Or use your own personal patented style: 'Alex having her mother evacuated!' Go for it, asshole! Let's see you really improvise one!" Softly, "Alex, listen to me for a minute." "Get rid of her." He brought her, he can make her vanish. I don't see what's so hard about this. "You're about five seconds from collapsing." I am not! What is this soft tone supposed to be, hypnotic? 'Yes, I am five seconds away from collapsing' and then I fall over only to wake up with my mother by my side? "You're sweating, you're shivering, and your body doesn't know whether to break down or pass out. Please -- let me talk." He just said please. Jeff doesn't say things like 'please'. Jeff gives orders. Maybe this isn't really Jeff. In a hiss, "What the hell could you possibly have to say that I would care about?" "The truth, for starters." Yeah, right. Jeff is going to speak the truth? Sure he is. The truth never comes out this calmly. Or on this show, period, not until it's too late. "You got on the show because of what we saw at the open audition. Your test results -- well, they got our attention. We'd never seen a combination of traits like the one we got from you. We wanted to see how that kind of personality would do in the game. Everyone had an idea -- and so far, everyone's been wrong." A slow shake of his head. Azure will not take her eyes off his. Good: she's acquired the target. "But we had to run a background check on you. We do it for all the contestants. The show has friends in high places: we get access to a lot of paperwork -- more than you're allowed to see under your state's rules. So we saw information you couldn't acquire. After that -- yes, we did the legwork. We called around, we tracked, and eventually, we found her -- two weeks before you left for the island." Slowly, "Which was three weeks after we told you that you'd made the cast." Apparently he thinks he's made a point. "You knew you'd be able to get her --" "-- if she was alive? Yes." He cut me off! The son of a bitch cut me off! "But you were already designated for the season. That wasn't the main factor in bringing you in." Liar! -- and I have nothing to lose any more, not after what I've already said and almost did -- "So there's the one you want to get away with, Jeff -- and it's not working! Liar!" Why isn't he more upset? How many times would I have to hit him to get a change of expression on that artificially placid face? "We have not been keeping you around just so you could reach this Reward. The idol clues were in a designated order, to be given out with each successive tribal loss and then marching in order post-merge. If Frank had still been there -- if the Immunity challenge had been the stilts and Turare had lost -- you would have received the same clue, because it would have been the second loss. You probably would have solved it, too. You found the idols -- but we didn't tell you how to play them. No one thought you'd give up Immunity to save the rest of Turare until the moment it happened. And we didn't keep you here after the attack just for this: Medical thought you were physically healthy enough to continue, and you told me you could handle it mentally. We put you in the game. You played it. You got yourself here." And he thinks he'd be the first one out of his tribe if he somehow played? With a talent for lying like this? Hello, Final Two! "You were thinking of this the whole time! Admit it!" Score this as a partial hit for me: he winces. "We had it planned that way for this Reward, yes. If you'd gone out earlier than this, we would have brought you together at the Reunion. Alex -- we got a blood sample from you for the medical exam: we got one from her on request. We tested them. This is your mother." "Got it." And now back to the main point. "Get her off." "No." Speak up, damn you, I can barely hear you when your voice is this controlled, or say something else because right now, I don't want to hear what you're saying... Partial wish granting: he gets a little louder. "Alex -- this is your mother. I understand if you have abandonment issues, but this is real. She's right back there on the beach, waiting for you. She wants to talk to you." "She can want anything she likes." Why, why, why won't the tears stop? I'm not sad: I'm angry! And why won't Azure stop knocking her beak against my ear? "She's not getting it." Jeff goes for the cheap shot: "She brought pictures of your sisters." I have -- and stop as the fury soars. "She can go to hell. They don't have to follow." And finally, finally Jeff is starting to get angry at something that isn't a quit. It's about time. "Alex, listen to me! Yes, she gave you up -- but she can tell you why! She can give you all the answers you've been looking for! She wants to see you, explain herself --" and trails off as he finally spots the anger. Very observant man, our host. "There's nothing she can say that I want to hear." He thinks I've been looking for her. Observant, yes, but when the decision was made to bring her in, all he was observing in the future was something he wanted to see... Furious. Now there's a new one for him. "You owe her your life! In case you didn't notice, Alex, you were not aborted! She could have terminated the pregnancy and just gone on with her life, but she carried you for nine months and brought you to term before handing you over into what she hoped would be someone else's care --" -- and he stops. Stops because there's a new sound at the riverbank, and it's something he's never heard before. Azure has stopped shifting on my shoulder as she waits for the attack command, and my camera operator is frozen in a very strange sort of horror. I'm laughing. It's not very loud, more spoken than exclaimed. I had to learn to keep laughter low, and then I had to make it go away. Happiness was too suspicious. 'If you're so satisfied with yourself, you must have really done something wrong...' But the tears are back and the laughter came with them. Strange companions, united in a bond of what's very probably insanity. "Heh." It's almost a giggle, really. "Heh... got all my paperwork, huh? Got every form she filled out that New Jersey said I couldn't see. But you didn't get my medical records, did you? Completely missed out on that because you did your own tests and you didn't need past results." Justified insanity, blessed, permitted, and set up by Trina, which means it's not my fault in any way. How very convenient. I wonder if that reason would hold up in court. "Stupid, Jeff -- but you know something? I almost understand that part. Why would you look? What could you possibly find? As long as I was healthy enough to go on the show..." The softest voice yet, just barely audible. "Alex, what are you saying?" Direct eye contact. He doesn't flinch. "I was premature. And sick. Really sick. I found that out kind of late. I'm not allowed to have access to most of the paperwork, Jeff, but my own medical records? They couldn't keep me from getting that. So after I turned eighteen, I went for them. I wasn't looking for my parents: I just wanted whatever was mine. I hit my anti-Disney moment really early." He doesn't know the term. "'You're not a princess and you're not from another world and you're not special in any way and no one is ever coming to rescue you and take you back to the castle...' We all have those dreams, Jeff: every damn kid who's been left to fend for themselves since birth has a fantasy about the coach or really expensive car pulling up to the curb. It doesn't happen. It never happens. You're alone, and it's permanent. The sooner you get used to it, the better." Hopefully he understands it now. Hopefully he'll never see mice turning into footmen again without being sick. "So I got those papers. And I found out that for the first year of my life, I basically commuted between the orphanage and the hospital. I was considered too high a risk to be put up for adoption: medical bills waiting to happen, maybe a funeral. So I missed my window, and once I started getting better, it was still closed." He's listening. Jeff is actually listening. He doesn't look like he's getting ready for a leading statement or pointed question: he's just paying attention. That's rare. Might as well take advantage of it while it lasts. "I didn't remember that," I tell him. "My first memories -- I think they're from when I was around two. So it came as a real surprise, because no one had ever said anything about it. Of course, we got a lot of turnover here and there, until Mrs. Paglia came in --" and stop. My voice is already soft and forced. Thinking about Mrs. Paglia tends to change the tone for the worse. "But my records were really detailed. They included the tests when I was brought in: the full Apgar series. Blood results. Toxin screenings. Very thorough. They even indicated the traces of Halobrutin in my system. Do you know what that is?" He shakes his head, just once. "Mostly it's a painkiller and a stress alleviator. It's given way for better drugs since it was introduced because it had some side effects. And one of the big ones? You don't take it if you're pregnant. Because it can induce premature labor." Jeff doesn't say a word. Because there's nothing he can say. And I remember what it was like reading the paperwork, going to the college library, researching, barely feeling the pages under my fingertips as the numbness settled in... "And the amount in my system? There was only one way to get it there. She overdosed. Seriously overdosed, just to make sure she got the results she wanted. Probably made herself throw up as soon as labor started, just to protect herself. She didn't abort me, Jeff. She just decided she was sick of being pregnant and got rid of me the easier way, the one where she didn't have to see a doctor and get the procedure done, the one with no real record. The doctors never chased her down -- why would they? There's plenty of reasons to take the stuff and people screw up on warning labels all the time. No one cares enough to look. Plus it wasn't that well-known at the time because the drug was in limited, testing-only release -- you can't expect a doctor to know every effect of every drug, and they only added the warning to the label after it came out for the public. I thought maybe she was a doctor herself, or a drug researcher, or knew one really closely and scammed a prescription form... I was about twenty-six weeks along when I was pushed out, Jeff. She threw me out and let me take my chances. Surprise: I survived. I almost didn't. I was a really sick baby..." His voice is oddly hollow. "She's a drug researcher." Well. Score one for me. Almost a whisper now, "I owe her something because she gave me life, Jeff? I paid it back the instant I didn't run across the beach and go for her throat." I have sisters. She kept them. She got rid of me... "Get her off the island. Now." He's trying to rally. "People change, Alex. I believe what you're saying --" how very comforting "-- but she wants to see you, she wants to talk to you --" And we're back to this. What can I say that'll make him see sense? "You've been hosting this for all this time and you still think people can change that much?" Unbelievable -- got it! "Get rid of her -- or I break my contract." Once again, I have his complete attention. "...what?" I just don't have his complete comprehension. Maybe I need to define this a little more closely. "I talk. I call a press conference right after I get back and tell anyone who shows up everything about the season. It's been an interesting time, Jeff -- don't you think they'd be curious to get that kind of story? And you fine me the five million dollars, I spend the rest of my very short life sleeping in alleys because I can't afford rent any more, I die in the winter cold and you never finish collecting -- but it'll all be out there. Every last bit of it. You can't stop me from talking: you can only punish me after it happens. So either you get rid of her -- start the season over, and that's going to be a major problem this far along, isn't it? -- or you wait to see if I'm bluffing. And I suck at bluffing, Jeff." And these words are a full hiss, "I follow through too much." Silence. The river flows, the camera films, the humans have nothing to say, the parrot has figured out that interrupting right now is a really bad idea. And then the idiot decides to pull out another argument. "You're a fan of the show. I know you are." So he watches the confessionals, too. "You wouldn't destroy a season like that --" His turn to get cut off. "-- you did this to me, and you really think I wouldn't do something back?" Jeff's chin dips, just a little, and his eyes briefly close -- then open and go back to mine. "Alex, I'm about to tell you something I'm not supposed to be telling you -- and you can't tell any of the others." The contract is a bluff? There is no fine? Good to know. But that's not it -- and his voice is almost pained, the words emerging under high pressure. This goes against everything Jeff believes in -- and it's a sign of how far the so-called discussion has come that he's willing to try this last resort. "The family members are not vanishing after this challenge: we're bringing them back to play with their relatives for Immunity. If your mother isn't here, then you can't play." "Bull!" Wow. I really am getting this Gardener imitation down. And maybe Jeff would be out first, because while he's a great liar, he's a lousy bluffer. "You have no right to tell any of us we can't play for individual Immunity -- and you can't offer me the option to sit down and take a bribe when no one else gets one! Everyone plays for Immunity, Jeff, and you know it! If it's a challenge that requires a partner, then get me another one!" I gesture to my camera operator. "I'll play with her!" Jeff's bluff has been called, and his face shows it: he can't keep me out of the challenge -- but he can't accept the proposed solution, either. "You can't play with Julia. You can't play with anyone on the staff. There's a non-interference contract in place -- they can't become part of the game." Tell it to Jake. But that keeps Jeff off the field, too: so much for the host finding out what it's like to really be in the game. And my confessional filmer has a name: who knew? "Bring in a native." "There aren't any," he points out. "The nearest locals are islands away -- you want us to find someone who'll play with you, get them under contract, explain everything that's been going on -- and do it in one day?" "Yes," I tell him. "That's exactly what I expect you to do. Because the instant you don't, then the game isn't fair any more, is it? And if you're not rigging it to keep me around, then you can't influence it to increase my chances of going out, either!" He'd better say yes. I still have an attack parrot in reserve. This silence is much more brief. "All right, Alex." And finally, surrender. "I'll have her taken off the island, and I'll get the staff to start calling around. We'll try to find you someone we can get in and out of here in one day. I hope we can get someone." He turns, starts to walk away -- then turns back. "I forgive you." ...what? Jeff realizes he has to explain that, and quickly. "I'm going to choose to believe you were bluffing, because you were that upset about what happened -- but if you weren't, then I still forgive you for saying it. And I forgive you for almost hitting me. Because you were that upset. Because..." and the trail-off is because while it's very easy for him to 'forgive' me for no fault -- or sin, except in Connie's eyes -- of mine, this part is a lot harder. "I'm sorry. I never thought this would happen." I want to stare at him. I wind up blinking away what I hope are the last of the tears. "You knew something would happen -- and you did it anyway. Because you thought it would make good television. You took away my choice." Trina, you bitch! Steadily, even: "I will never forgive you." His eyes stay closed longer this time. "Stay here. I'll have someone radio back when it's safe for you to return." He walks away. My camera operator -- Julia -- looks at me. She isn't saying anything. She knows there's nothing she can say -- not here, anyway. The show will want a confessional later. The show can choke on it. When the words came, I closed my eyes. I couldn't turn off my ears. Jeff called after me: I heard that. So did Gary. But there was another voice, one I'd never heard before, female, a little bit high-pitched, desperation that couldn't quite conceal what I'd heard as the underlying anger... For the rest of my life, I will know what my mother's voice sounds like. I will never forgive you. Never. -- and someone comes out of the green, her face streaked with tears. "Oh, Alex -- I'm so sorry..." It's exactly like being punched in the stomach, except that instead of having the air rush out of my lungs, the tears stop all at once. "Go away!" Please, just leave me alone... Mary-Jane shakes her head. "No. Not after that." She's still crying. "I didn't know why you ran -- after Jeff left, everyone was just confused, I managed to get away, I tried to follow you and I was close enough to hear the scream -- what did Trina do?" She would never believe me and I don't feel like telling her anyway. "It doesn't matter." "It does matter!" Mary-Jane insists. "Alex --" She heard all of that! Jeff won't use it until Council if he ever brings it up at all and of course he will, he can't not talk about it!, but Mary-Jane knows and she could tell everyone, the entire tribe could know by nightfall -- -- she takes four steps forward and hugs me. Very gently, from the front, face pressed against my hair, coming in from over the right shoulder but Azure still retreating in surprise at the extra company... She's holding me. I can't move. I can't escape. I can't fight her off, can't get her off me or I'm out of the game, can't speak, can just stand frozen and wait for the pain to start -- -- and lets go, taking one step back. "Do you want to talk about it?" She's insane. She is completely and utterly insane. The Moon card is turning out to be a double act. "No!" It's ten decibels away from being another scream. And yet, she isn't completely taking the hint! "Okay... Just -- just come and talk to me when you're ready, okay?" Still crying. What good do tears do? "I'm sorry..." The weakest word in the world. How much is it supposed to accomplish? "I'd better get back -- we still have to play... I'll see you later, all right?" She waits until I manage to just barely nod, and leaves. Mary-Jane knows. Mary-Jane knows everything... ...and in a few months, millions of people will know it too, but that seems so very far away... Azure headbutts me. I tell her to get down, and she won't. She just does it again. She has her own priorities. Everyone does. Azure does what she wants to. The show does what it wants to. Neither of them may be capable of actual caring. I wait. I clean my face off using the river water, I wash the scratches properly, and I pet Azure to keep her calm. I wait for the signal that tells me the game is back to normal, and any future attempts to tear me apart will proceed within the rules. And I think about the tears and laughter, both coming without permission, neither able to return at will. I think about my mother. And I can't make myself stop. -----------------------------------------------------------------   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Colonel Zoidberg 3370 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity" 11-29-06, 03:43 PM (EST) 12. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part II" Holy. Shite. If that doesn't scare CBS out of casting another Alex, nothing on this Earth will. That was...intense. To think she'd rather pay $5 million and die in an alley than see her mother...I knew Alex was an enigma. Most people would just lose the challenge on purpose. Damn Trina indeed. For the second boot, she sure had a lot of impact on the season. Not since Kimmi's ill-fated blabbing has a Survivor sent packing so early so determined the course of the game.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 14104 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-30-06, 00:55 AM (EST) 13. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part II" Wow. Suddenly 'the game' isn't quite just a game. A wonderful sig-gift from Nutz. It's in the cards.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

vince3 15726 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-30-06, 01:03 AM (EST) 14. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part II" Didn't we know that already? BTW, did you see my latest post there?   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 14104 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-30-06, 04:42 AM (EST) 16. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part II" Yeah, we did... but whoah, this is getting personal, into Alex's Do-Not-Cross domain.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

vince3 15726 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 11-30-06, 01:07 AM (EST) 15. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part II" So, Alex has sisters. Yet, her mother forced herself to launch Alex into the world premature........ No wonder she didn't want to go looking for her mother, or mentioned to those who claimed to be her mother in letters basically "fvck off!" The only unanswered question is, was Alex the first? or the last? or somewhere in between? A gift from Cygnus!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

azkate 239 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star" 11-30-06, 10:56 AM (EST) 17. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part II" Ye Gods, Lovely woman, her *mother* How will this play as far as Alex's state of mind? Having control taken away from her in a far bigger way than the game...hmmmm Tribe's the bestest   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

AyaK 8129 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 12-02-06, 07:29 PM (EST) 18. "Visual reinactments" LAST EDITED ON 12-02-06 AT 07:30 PM (EST) {Riverbank. Full moon. Blood mixing into the water. Alex's life isn't just following the cards. There are full-scale visual reinactments. The cliff. The baby skeletons. I don't remember what the Devil card looks like, but it was probably there, too.} {Hope Burnett got himself a piece of Trina's website. Probably did. That's how come he can finally afford to marry Roma Downey....} {Anyone know what the next card looks like? The Tower, right?}   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Belle Book 1925 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Herbal Healing Drugs Endorser" 01-13-09, 05:27 PM (EST) 27. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part II" No wonder Alex went nuts there for a little bit! That must've been the worst day of her life up till that point! And now we got the Moon card confirmed! Belle Book   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Estee 44384 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 12-04-06, 06:53 PM (EST) 19. "I Will Never Forgive You: Part III" LAST EDITED ON 12-09-06 AT 01:03 PM (EST) {No, Alex would not walk out because she was caught in a lie. You know why? Because Alex hasn't told a lie yet in this game. Think about it: realistically, she's only lied by omission. Everything she's said to someone else has turned out to be true -- she's just very careful about what actually comes out of her mouth, and it's not her fault if the others don't guess what's actually going through her head. Alex said she was an orphan, given up at birth. So that's what she is. Alex walked out because Burnett just pulled a Who's Your Mommy? on her, and she decided not to put up with it.} {But -- closing her eyes?} {defndng yur lyin ***** wit no rspect fr ny1!} {Hi, newbie! First rule: think before you type. Second rule: spell!} {I don't get it. This is her mother. Burnett wouldn't bring in a ringer and he didn't fulfill our worst nightmares by having Jeff turn around and point at Connie. Even if Alex has issues, there have to be things she's wanted to know. If Alex is anything, she's a pragmatist -- sometimes a very cold-blooded one -- and she should have seen this as her opportunity and gone for it. If nothing else, she could finally have it out in person, right?} {Hard to see Cole as not taking the offer just to get some confrontation in. I take it this has never happened before?} {Once, very long ago and far away, on another network. And only once, so guess how well that worked out.} {So this is our thing that never happened before. Figures. With the preview scream, I was counting on getting a body...} {And we're back! Still on the beach, exactly where we left off -- Alex just walked out, everyone's really confused -- and there goes one of the camera people, heading after her!} {Jeff just grabbed a radio from a crew member and took off right behind them...} {Lots of clamor among those left behind. Suddenly, absolutely no one is running the show. Jeff's gone. The challenge, camera, and production people have no idea what to do next. Robin's the first to figure out they've been left rudderless, looks at Alex's mother, says "I don't know what you were expecting, but you really should have figured that was going to be it," then goes over and sits down next to Lisa on the visitor's bench. Chat time!} {Alex's mother starting for the path entrance -- nope. Gardener's in front of her. And she is not getting around Gardener. He looks down at her and says "You know those feelings you're having right now? Total rejection, anger, the works? Get used to them. You're a couple of decades too late to go after her. Sit down. This isn't your decision." And she sits down. She is pissed, but she's not going to risk going up against Gardener...} {His voice was very soft there and subtitled all the way -- I'm not sure anyone else heard him.} {Gardener just shakes his head, then goes over and starts talking with Audrey. The crew doesn't seem to have any idea how they can break this up... everyone's getting a free Reward right now, courtesy of Alex's combination sitdown/walkout.} {Connie with Edward, looking disgusted again. This is also pretty soft: "So that's another Commandment down for her."} {Or half of one. Maybe Alex would have honored her father...} {Leave the beach -- the camera person is in full pursuit of Alex because it looks like she went to an all-out run the instant she was off the beach: we're getting occasional glimpses from the back in a high-speed chase and this isn't much of a Steadi-Cam -- I'm getting a little nauseous right now. Not bothering to make Robin's mistake and call after her: just trying to stay close.} {Alex goes to ground at a new river, Azure catches up. Can't jump it, could wade or swim it, but she's tired. No idea how long she was actually fleeing for. She wasn't exactly paying attention to where she was going, either: her right arm and the back of her left hand are kind of scratched up.} {She's shaking. Adrenaline dump?} {Looks like she just spotted the camera operator -- she knows she can't get away. It's an island: even for a fairly big one, there just aren't that many places to run to. Washing the scratches --} {'That is the sound of ultimate suffering. I made that sound when my father died. The young woman with the gray eyes makes it now. She just discovered her life is being controlled by a Tarot card reading -- who else has cause for ultimate suffering?'} {I'm shaking. Put me down as one more convert for the damn cards. That was practically the picture on the ******* thing!} {...all right. Maybe -- just maybe -- Trina has a divine gift.} {As M-J is dethroned...} {Not sure there. Alex's voice is lower -- she doesn't have that glass-shattering quality that all true M-J devotees know so well.} {I'm pretty sure Alex just completely and utterly lost it. We may be about to see Medivac #3 and Removal #2: she is in no mental shape to play the game.} {Jeff catches up -- holy ****!} {Alex nearly clobbered him!} {No, Jeff, we are not at home to Mr. Reasonable right now.} {Jeff trying to negotiate, Alex having none of this, Jeff pulling out every argument he can think of for going back and getting the show on track before the players throw the crew off the beach and take over the mansion, not getting anywhere -- I swear Alex is on the absolute edge of either a nervous breakdown, a faint, or turning Jeff into a thin red smear.} {...oh my god.} {If that's the truth...} {If that's the truth, then trust The Smoking Gun to have copies of those tests within a couple of days. And they'll get it, because they have the connections -- and it is the truth. Why would Alex lie about this? Jeff isn't going to give her any sympathy.} {You're kidding, right? The entire show was probably rigged just to get her to this challenge and have the black-sand reunion!} {Tell you what: let's just count as that as the mandatory conspiracy post and save me a lot of thread-locking work in the morning.} {There was a cut there...} {Okay, we're officially back in the Twilight Zone again: Jeff just gave away details about an upcoming challenge and we have yet another crew member with a name. Next thing you know, they will be demanding their very own credits.} {Alex still not putting up with anything -- tells Jeff they'll just have to find someone for her to team up with. Jeff realizes he's at a dead end because Alex has him by the small print, agrees.} {Alex getting her second episode title... so much for all the theories surrounding a backstab.} {Damn it! I never even noticed Mary-Jane had left the beach!} {Looks like no one else did, either. Players breaking the contact rules, players escaping, and her father was talking to Gary and Shari...} {Alex not taking this hug well, but I think that's just residue from what's very probably one of the worst days of her life. No, she doesn't want to talk about it. Why would she? Seriously -- would you?} {You missed the first one, right?} {Back to the beach. Lots of little pockets of discussion here, but Alex's mother is not part of any conversation. Guess no one wanted to talk to her. Or Gardener offered to talk to them if they did -- but he and Audrey are completely wrapped up in each other, at least right now.} {Apparently Jeff just radioed in that he was just about back -- everyone getting back to their places in way too much of a hurry. Things are almost completely restored by the time he steps in: Robin's the last to the mat. Of course, we're down two people, but other than that, everything's normal, other than the 'we've been very naughty and you know it' faces. Jeff notices Mary-Jane's missing, talks to the crew for a few seconds, looks the other players over, looks really tired -- yes, Jeff, they had their Reward already and you didn't get to play any part in it -- then goes over to Alex's mother.} {I think we just got a major edit cut. Jeff on his way to talk, Moms Cole on her way off the beach via the Quit Boat, and nothing in between? Something happened there, and I'm betting it was something really loud.} {Mary-Jane and Alex walk in. Mary-Jane heads to the mat, Alex takes her seat on the bench again without a word. No one's asking her what happened -- she has no expression, and we're talking about a neutral stance beyond the one she usually displays. Absolute mask. She does not want to talk about this, and the others are recognizing that -- at least for the moment. Connie looking her over, but there's a wariness there -- any insult directed at Alex right now would be classified by a jury as 'suicide'.} {This is disturbing. It all came out, and then it all went back. Looking at her right now, you can't tell that anything happened at all.} {Well, Phillip got his wish. She laughed, just once.} {Challenge proceeds, although Jeff irritably notes that they could practically call it off on the spot because two-thirds of the group went and Rewarded themselves. Typical quiz challenge -- everyone holds a cube with the letters A through D on four sides plus True and False on the other two, then tries to answer questions correctly: one point for each right answer. You sit down when you're so far behind that you can't catch up any more -- this is going to be best score after ten questions. Topics are botany and hunting. And once again, the challenge just isn't going to be thrill-a-year stuff after the fiasco that preceded it, but we've got to get through it anyway...} {Connie the first to sit down and parks herself on the opposite end of the bench from Alex, who can't be bothered to notice her.} {I don't think Alex is noticing much of anything right now. Completely alone with her own thoughts. Azure's been headbutting her for the whole challenge and she hasn't picked up on it.} {Mary-Jane out: three back with two to play.} {And Gary wins Reward with what he admits was a guess on a True/False -- beats Gardener by one point, eight to seven.} {Bonus Reward: a Nextel cell phone -- most expensive standard model available, no diamonds on the case -- per year for twenty years for Gary and each member of his immediate family, with unlimited minutes and all services free. Good thing Phillip wasn't around to win this one, or the sponsor would have declared bankruptcy on the spot.} {And it's the order-sorter: Gary gets his choice of either spending the rest of the day more or less alone with Shari in Haraiki's old camp or bringing her back to the Turare camp for an overnight stay, but he'll have to share her with everybody (so to speak). One other person of Gary's choice gets the same option. Two people can spend an hour having a small picnic -- peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with milk and chocolate chip cookies -- with their visitor on the beach. One person gets a goodbye hug. Jeff finally loses the sour look and quietly says last place was already volunteered for.} {Robin still can't resist tweaking Jeff here -- says she's okay with getting just the hug, because she did just fine on her own...} {Gary decides to bring Shari back to officially meet the group, then gives Gardener the second position. What a shock: Gardener is going to take the time alone with Audrey. Connie and Mary-Jane get the picnics, but only after Gary makes sure Robin's willing to go through with what wasn't completely a joke. Everyone scatters, long shot of Alex glancing back at Connie & Edward -- commercials.} {It's official. This is the season of the coldest-hearted bitch to ever make this show.} {I think you're going to have to narrow that down a little.} ----------------------------------------------------------------- Fugue state. I researched it once for the strip. There are times when the mind doesn't want to bother keeping track of events. Time slips: you're in one place, then you're in another. Conversations drop out. Things happen around you without notice. You're functional, you can operate in the real world -- you just don't know you're doing it, and you'll remember very little of it afterwards. Maybe none. I wish I'd been able to keep it up. It happened during the run, I think: that's why I was losing track of the environment. I want it to happen now. I don't want to remember this day. I don't want to remember anything, and I can't even get that. Memories are replaying, old ones that I'd thought I'd buried, marching out one more time just so I can properly blame them on her... Gary is the first to approach me as we reach the site of our original raft landing. (Robin has Shari tied up: someone new to complain to!) He has to drop back to do so: I'm at the rear of the much shorter line. Very softly, "What happened?" "She wasn't invited." Because I don't think 'Go away' is going to work with Gary, at least not by itself. A quiet nod. "Let me know when you're ready to talk about it." Not a problem. "I don't want to talk about it." Let the tension out... "That was an ambush. They had no right to do that." "Gardener agreed with you." And there's the second biggest shock of the day. "I don't." Followed by the third. "It wasn't your decision." If Gardener's in an agreeing mood today, I can at least toss him a paraphrase in way of thanks. Steadily, "That was your mother." He seems to think this is the answer to everything. Let's correct this right now. "That was the contributor of half my genetic code." Come to think of it, I missed a major opportunity: I should have found some way to get her medical records. Any histories of anything that I should know about? Too late. Let it be a surprise. "'Mother' doesn't apply." I don't frustrate him often. I don't really care about doing it this time. "Alex --" "-- drop it." He'll know soon enough. I should probably be glad it wasn't Robin who followed me: the entire island would have found out within seconds. (At least Mary-Jane's been delayed for an hour, however long that turns out to be.) But so far, Robin's left me alone... "I don't want to talk about it. Ever." "Fine." He steps in front of me, forcing a stop. "Tell me you're okay and I'll let it go so I can catch up with my daughter." Not even remotely a problem. "I'm okay." And he shakes his head. "That's the only lie you ever tell. And you're too good at it." Walks away. The others have already gone down the trail leading to camp. It's just Azure with me on the beach, plus one camera operator. Not my usual one: Julia followed Jeff out after the challenge. Either she's being rotated to another part of the staff or they decided to debrief her. At least it puts off the confessional for a while. At least this one won't try to find out how I feel about what happened, much less try to headbutt me every five heartbeats, which is what Azure is doing right now -- "-- Azure, down!" She obeys without thought, then stares up at me from the sand in total confusion. "You don't know what's going on! You don't care about me! You don't even know who I am! You think I'm your old master just because I showed up at the right time! You're just an animal! You do things because you were taught to do them, you don't think, you don't feel! You --" and she's still staring up at me, the confusion mixing with fear, not knowing what she could have done, not knowing how to make it right, and all she can do is timidly flap up to my shoulder and nuzzle against my hair... "Down!" She flies down. Stares up at me from the sand again. Shakes her head very quickly, ruffles her feathers, and flies away. "-- you don't think," I whisper, "and you don't feel... and I envy you so much..." So that's it. I've offended, pissed off, avoided, and generally gotten rid of everyone. Kudos to me, even if it took about thirty days longer than I thought it would. Major achievement. Three cheers for Alex, if Gary can spare any. I sit down on the sand. After a while, I lie back all the way and just stare at the sky. Three cards down? The Fool was just for being here, Death had to be the jaguar, and this was the Moon -- it's still in the sky, but the arc is behind me now. The Devil was somewhere in there -- maybe that was Connie, evil influences entering my life, or it could have been Angela, no one said things had to go in exact order with no overlap, right? Or -- -- it could have been the hidden idol. Temptation and things of the material world: keeping it for myself instead of giving it up... I don't know. I don't know the Tarot at all, not by myself: only what Trina told me. And now I have to believe that everything she told me is true -- but the only interpretations I have to go by are hers. Others may exist. Probably do exist. I'm following one exit on a thousand-lane highway. "No responsibility." The camera operator zooms in on me. "That's what the reading really means. Whatever happens -- I have no responsibility for it. Because I can't stop it from happening. No free will, just predestination." I close my eyes. "Just being a puppet." Apparently this is turning into a confessional after all. There's a camera here and I'm talking, therefore... "I don't want that. Why would anyone want to know their future? Why would anyone want to be trapped...?" No response. So it isn't a confessional after all. It's just a word spiral, twisting down into the abyss. "Whatever happens, happens... but I don't know what's going to happen. The shape of the frame, but not the look of the painting. Which makes the final picture into my fault again..." I'm confined. Do I have any freedom to move as long as my activities fit the general shape of the cards? Can I find ways to read them which would force them into coming true without hurting me? Can I build a tower and make lightning hit it? No. "What happens is my responsibility. Even if I know something about what it's going to be. And not nearly enough at that... no, that doesn't make any sense, nothing makes any sense..." Almost whispering again, "Damn you, Trina..." Am I losing my mind? Is the insanity settling in for a permanent stay? How could I tell? What's the show going to do about the cards? They have to know it's real now. The reading has to make that episode, and then... they'll have to edit them in. They'll have to show everything related to them. I'll be on all those screens, walking away from my mother, refusing to even look at her, and everyone who sees it will be judging me... but that can't be the seventh card, because it's after the game ends... Losing it... What could the eighth card be? I should have let her show it. I should have -- Probably Number Twenty-Eight: The Plane Crash On The Way Back. I want to scream again. Maybe this would be the time it finally did something -- "Pretty Girl?" Perfect. Azure's back. Hooray for lousy short-term memory. "I didn't call you and I didn't ask what your name was." Or she may have forgotten even that: the fugue arrived and settled on the wrong target. "Go away." A headbutt. "Pretty Girl?" "Stop --" -- wait... I open my eyes, sit up. Azure is staring up at me again, somehow seeming concerned -- no, that's anthropomorphizing, projecting human capabilities onto something that doesn't have them, Azure can't care -- "Pretty Girl?" And another headbutt. "No, that's not right..." Aloud, but just barely. "You -- you can't name things. You can't." Slowly, "Birds can't conceptualize, not on that level. I'm sure of it. You just learn by rote. You're a computer with wings. Push this button, execute that command. You just blew a fuse." Headbutt. She wants my attention and she wants it now. "Pretty Girl." "You --" Bullseyes staring at me in silence, waiting. -- can't... I pick her up. She sits on my right forearm and looks at me, very satisfied with herself. Why shouldn't she be? It's a brand-new trick and no one had to teach it to her. She figured it out all by herself. She made the human blow a fuse. Stroking her with my left hand, petting her feathers, feeling her warmth and softness. Whispering "I'm not..." She won't leave. She just nuzzles against me. Almost everyone. After a while, I stand up, transfer her to my shoulder, and walk up to the shoreline. Still too hot, and the breeze is beginning to die out. It almost looks like there's a small ship off in the distance. People passing by. Maybe the relatives arrived by boat. Maybe this one is taking her away. And maybe it'll bring someone in for me tomorrow, someone I can play with. The future is set. But I don't know what it is. At least that gives me the illusion of free will. And knowing what the next card is -- maybe I can keep an eye out for it, try to stop it somehow... I can't stop the seventh one: that has to mean making the jury, or maybe even the reaction of the public after things end here -- would that be considered some part of the game? But if I know what to look for, I just might be able to figure out how to halt it in its tracks. "The Fool: I came here. Death: the jaguar. The Devil: maybe Connie, maybe Angela, maybe the idol -- or all three. The Moon: today. The Tower..." Still almost a whisper. "It's not Trina's fault. It's like blaming a telescope because you see a meteor coming at you through it. Better some warning than none. I know what's on the way -- maybe that gives me time to get clear." Azure doesn't say anything to that. She just started to figure out the whole 'naming' issue: precognition and acceptance of the paranormal as a given part of her life is the advanced course. "It's not over and it's not fixed. I've got to believe that." And I sigh. "And even so -- Trina, get ready for your fame and fortune." Imagine what's going to happen when this makes the air. Celebrities will be fighting over who gets to book her first. Back up the beach. The game -- the reliable element, the constant, the chaos that becomes comforting only for being familiar -- goes on. ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Gardener's first impression of Haraiki's old camp: "Well, this is crap." He and Audrey sit down on a couple of rocks and start talking about the game: she actually introduces the topic by asking him how well he's set up for the end. He thinks he's in pretty good shape, but he has to be very careful about how he manages the next stage: there's still wild elements he can't control. That leads to a quick talk about the hidden idol. Audrey's very surprised to hear Gardener had a linectomy earlier in the game, and just as shocked to find out who the surgeon was. Gardener asks her how she'd feel if he'd made a promise on her name and then went back on it. She wants to know if breaking it would mean losing the game. Gardener shakes his head. She tells him given that, he'd better keep it. Gardener tells her it's in his best interests to do so anyway.} {Anyone else get the feeling she utterly dominates him?} {I think it's more of a tie: she just feels like the stronger because there's the same amount of power coming from a much smaller body. They're equals -- and just about matched in personality. Imagine the fights: this is a very loud household when something happens to disrupt it.} {Except that he may have taken the break harder...} {A little more talk, they switch to discussing what's going to happen when Gardener does get home -- and we move out to the beach, where Connie and Mary-Jane have set their picnic blankets as far away from each other as humanly possible. Mary-Jane's normal happy chatter has been put aside in favor of game discussion. "I feel like I keep screwing up and just barely getting away with it. I couldn't solidify an alliance in my original tribe -- not one big enough to get anywhere -- but I got through. I switched my vote, nearly got everyone in Turare voted off the island because of it, and I got through again. I keep trying --" and trails off. David clasps her hand, tells her it's not over yet. Mary-Jane nods and smiles a little, says she has to try harder, and maybe she'll have even more motivation now. The Final Four had better be extra motivation.} {Connie gets subtitled here: everything's in a whisper, and it's not because she's having trouble speaking through the peanut butter, it's because she's saying things she doesn't want the camera to hear. In fact, she's saying things she doesn't want us to hear, and I'm betting a few of you are going to deny these words ever came out. "You got a very quick, but very thorough sampling of what she is, Edward. She respects nothing and cares about no one. Not the cross, not any of us, not even her own family. Her poor mother... to go through that in front of all of us..." Shaking her head and looking absolutely furious. "She has to learn respect, Edward -- and respect starts with fear. I think that particular soulless shell has to start finding out what real people think of her once she gets back to whatever hole in the ground she calls a home -- and I believe we're just the ones to begin educating her." And Edward just nods.} {*whistles* Damn... that's as good as saying that Connie has been asking organizations to apply pressure to Alex, and may have even led the bandwidth charge on her site...} {But if she did, she hasn't crossed the legal line -- has she?} {'Soulless' count: three.} {Back to camp, and a great line -- Shari asks Robin what she does in the tribe and Robin, with a completely straight face, says "I get voted out next."} {Gary checking on Alex before heading in -- no, Alex is not okay, but she is really good at saying it. Second time we've heard that observation.} {And Alex takes it all out on Azure, who doesn't understand...} {I think Alex is about two seconds away from a complete breakdown. She has the cards in front of her, she knows what's going on and she's trying to vocally accept it or find a way around it, but this has arguably been one of the worst days of her life and she's got no one left to talk to -- and wouldn't admit anything to them if she did.} {Okay, revoke my damn Basher's license. I just cried a little for the second time in one episode.} {If I can accept the cards as being real, then maybe Trooper had Azure right, too.} {Can parrots do that?} {Gorillas and chimps can -- at least the ones who've learned sign language, if I remember the study right. A parrot -- I don't know. Maybe. Azure's an exceptional specimen across the board. But we just saw it -- and for strangeness if nothing else, this is the season to believe what we see.} {Does anyone know what happened to Azure after the show ended?} {Oh, sure: we're all just loaded with spoiler information this year. And we all know how much the Riddlemaster loves to center clues around parrots.} {Um... I do. I asked Alex in the food court, and she said Jeff took her, just like he said he would in the sixth Council. And that they would be put back together for the Reunion.} {So Jeff has temporary custody -- but what happens after the Reunion? A zoo? A private owner in one of the warm zones? Another hunter with a taste for animal companions? About a thousand intelligence tests?} {Connie and Mary-Jane return. Gardener comes back at sunset. Alex staying a little more away from the others than usual: Mary-Jane keeps making attempts to talk to her, and Alex responds by pretending to be Phillip: work, work, work! -- but most of it is work where she can keep an eye on M-J. Probably afraid of Mary-Jane babbling the whole thing in an attempt to get Connie to shut up once and for all.} {Gardner definitely looking refreshed and happier -- well, happy for him: the growls and complaints are at somewhat lower volume.} {Everyone getting along with Shari. Even Connie talks to her over dinner (she likes the father, she likes the daughter), which is -- smuggled PB&J. This should irritate Julie: they're all acting like it's a treat...} ----------------------------------------------------------------- ...especially since boysenberry is one of the fruits no one's found on the island. I start on the second half of my sandwich, which tastes even better than the first: any change in diet is a good one. Shari's still busy being impressed. "It's really a great shelter." From what Robin said, the five-dollar tour took about half that number of estimated minutes, with a much longer period required to get the waterfall in. Normally, I'd think things would have started to settle in by now -- but today has been my day for being one hundred percent dead wrong. "And all the plants -- I can't believe the setting you wound up with, Dad. This is one in a million." Gary smiles and nods: he loves the island, and he loves that his daughter loves the island. "Once in a lifetime, anyway. There is a little Eden here, if you know where to look." "Right down to the snakes," Connie comments. Shari picks up on the cue to look at her from the rest of the group. "The game, the twists..." You... Gardener can go along with that. "Not like we have peace with all the animals, though." A glance at me. He has no problem with bringing this up (although I'm not sure anyone's told Shari yet). He has made no attempt to bring my mother into the conversation, for which I'm grateful. Mary-Jane's made six tries, Gary hasn't said anything since the first attempt, and Robin's main commentary was a one-liner: "I would have paid the show a million dollars for the chance to do that with mine." It's not a loving relationship: Robin's parents are divorced, the custody fight was bitter, and Robin's mother used every tactic she could think of in order to keep three children who apparently didn't want to be kept. Said tactics included hired liars, blatant distortions, outright accusations, and at least one attempt to plant false evidence in her father's apartment. The eventual result of all the chicanery was three sisters living with their father and visiting their mother every other weekend so they could be told what a louse their father was. Fun all around, although she got a kick out of the bribes. Right now, Robin's like most of the group: a little more settled after her visit, and a lot more content. "Or between the humans," she grins. "Don't get me wrong, people -- I'm fighting tomorrow. I am not just going to sit on my ass and wait for the fourth ballot to hit the shell casing. I've got to send one person to the jury before I go. That'll be my win." "And thank you, Shii Ann," Gardener sarcastically replies. "I didn't expect you to lie down and wait it out, but a lot's going to depend on what the challenge is. I don't think we're getting balance." Mary-Jane glances at me: I don't look at her. Yes, we both know something about what tomorrow has in store for us, but we don't know enough. It could be balance: two people roped (or chained) together, standing on separate platforms -- one goes, the other goes with them. But that's too close to what we've had before. Robin ruefully nods. "Yeah -- like my luck is that good." Shari looks around at us. "Who's the best in the challenges?" Silence for a moment: we're all thinking it over. "No one," Gary finally admits. "Let's face it: we don't have a single person dominating. Everyone here has won at least one -- except for Robin." Who looks really frustrated about it. Connie shakes her head. "Robin and myself -- I've only won as part of a team." Sure, go ahead: make yourself look like the weakest threat here. But most of her performances have been on the dismal side, and they can't all have been blown on purpose -- right? For her part, Connie's verbally avoiding me tonight. She hasn't had a chance to get me alone for an insult session, and we've all been staying pretty close together (which makes it easy to watch Mary-Jane), so anything she tried in relative privacy might be overheard. It's just giving her extra time to work on material. The best joke may have already been played: Gardener thanked me for his extra Reward time. Completely sarcastic, but Robin gave me a partial picture of what happened after I left once her one-liner was disposed of: the crew lost control and everyone got to talk. And since she was talking, she didn't notice much else. Maybe there was a crew member keeping my mother from following me. (Probably Cameron.) Beyond that -- -- my mind keeps going over this, and it's doing so without my consent. Gardener doesn't care, Gary and Mary-Jane are looking for their opportunities, Robin's said what she wanted to say, Connie's trying to find words that could hurt enough, and Azure has neither the understanding nor the vocabulary. None of it makes for dinner conversation, and it's supposed to be Gary's night to shine, anyway. "Gary's got two, Shari -- that's a three-way tie with Mary-Jane and Gardener: one Reward, one Immunity each. Your dad's a challenge threat, especially if we get something involving math." She laughs. "What branch of the government does Gary do accounting for, anyway? He's never said." Gary looks at Shari. She glances at him. The firelight lets me pick up the touch of desperation in his eyes. Shari's answer is a little too quick. "Um -- he gets moved around a lot. You know: whoever needs their books gone over, call in the specialist! Get the budgets balanced... he never spends too much time in any one office." Because he's usually not between secret agent assignments for very long. Is the group actually buying this? They seem to be, but there's one exception to that rule, and I'm it. There is no way Gary's an accountant, calculator or no calculator. My ally has been lying about his profession the whole game, and I seem to be the only one who's figured that out. Fine: it's his call, it's been done before, and so far, it doesn't seem to have hurt anything. Maybe that's the one he wanted to get away with. But it does bring up some questions about his general trustworthiness -- -- that I've already had answered: he was tested, he came down on my side. We're allies. I have to keep an eye on him as much as I do anyone else in the game, but we're still allies. Gary shrugs. "Incredibly exciting stuff -- which is probably why Shari's following her mother into law. Just what we need: another lawyer in D.C..." Shari's protest is only half-faked. "An honest lawyer. We sure need more of those." The light conversation goes on for a while -- and keeps going -- and then I start to feel myself dropping out of it. It's been a very long day and I need the rest, especially facing Immunity tomorrow with an unknown partner. I want to stay awake and hear more about Shari's Georgetown life -- it's really interesting stuff, and I think I might be able to use a little of it for a future plot arc in the strip -- but I'm fading fast. "I think I'm going to hit a pallet." Standing up. "Nothing personal -- I'm just really tired tonight." Gardener nods. "Doesn't hurt me any -- your night to get a blanket and pillow combo, if you want one." "Pass -- it's still too hot." We had to move the table further away from the fire just to lose a few degrees. And he's losing track: it's not my night -- I think. The next words emerge through a yawn: "Shari, which one do you want?" She'll take Trooper's: it's been empty since Tony left. "Okay -- see you in the morning." I check on Azure -- asleep on her perch: a mutually long day -- then take a pillow and lie down. Never forgive you... ...but while I'm asleep, they could... ...sitting in the closet. I'm not supposed to sit. I have to stand up. That's part of the punishment: no sitting, stay on your feet. No relaxing, no crying, no laughing, especially no dreaming. You sit and reflect on what you did wrong, even if what you did wrong was nothing. Doing nothing wrong is doing something wrong, because it means an excuse has to be made up for the punishment and that's extra work. But she can't watch me in here. She can open the door, but she doesn't move silently very well and the floorboards always creak: I get to my feet before she opens the door every time. She can't put a viewport in the door and watch me because it's a closet and I'm not supposed to have any light, plus she doesn't have the patience. And she can't keep me from dreaming. What goes on inside my head is the one part of my life she can't control, and I know that terrifies her. And she doesn't understand that time spent in the closet is time when I don't have to deal with her -- or maybe she does, maybe that's why there's less and less of it now -- -- she's coming. I get to my feet. The door opens, and there still isn't any light: she blocks out all of it. I have to pack, she tells me. I've been fostered again. I know what the rules are. If I break any of them, I'll be back. I'll be back inside a week -- no, this isn't right, the fostering stopped -- and this is the person who's taking me. She steps aside. Just for a second, there's light. There's a shadow -- -- "Oh, ow!" I open my eyes in time to watch the end of Shari's painful stretch into her personal Day Two. "How can you sleep on that?" The ground pads weren't thick enough for her? They're fine for us. No one complains at all any more. Gary smiles. "Practice. Come on -- let's get water. We never know how much time we've got before the challenge, and you're going back as soon as it starts. Let's spend what we've got left together." Shari's perfectly happy with this, and they head off. I sit up and look around. Connie's just stepping into the bathroom. Gardener's working on the fire in anticipation of the water arriving. (It definitely isn't for heat: the temperature doesn't feel like it's dropped by even half a degree.) Robin's in the shower: the soft singing is the definitive clue. And Mary-Jane is sitting up on her pallet, quietly watching me. "What?" "Nothing." As protests go, it's got just the right amount of strength to be completely non-credible. "Just watching you dream. You were really starting to twitch there." Softly, "Were you dreaming about her?" "No." Immediate and solid. "It's over, Mary-Jane. She came, she wasn't invited, she left. Let's just worry about the game." The soft sigh is almost visible, rising on heated currents. "You can't just sleep it off in one night and say everything's okay. I'm worried about you, Alex. You've been through a lot since we got here -- maybe more than anyone's ever been through. If you keep locking it all inside, you're going to run out of room, and it's all going to come out at once." You'd be amazed by my capacity. "I'm okay." Even if Gary and Gardener don't believe the words, using them effectively closed the topic. Two out of three is still a failing grade. "At some point, we have to talk." Softly insistent. "We missed the chance before Trooper helped save you, and we've been moving around it ever since." She wants to talk to me, Gary wants to talk to me. Who knew popularity sucked this much? "We talk all the time." Mary-Jane nods. "At dinner. As part of group discussions. About the game. Not personally." A brief pause. "I don't blame you for what you did. I don't think anyone does, except Connie -- and she only hears what she wants to hear --" What? "Why would they blame me if they didn't know what happened?" Far too quickly, "Everyone saw you leave the beach -- we all knew something was wrong, Alex: that's why I followed you when I realized the crew was too busy trying to break up the family conversations --" She told them! As soon as I fell asleep... "Who did you tell?" Her eyes dip down, the blue shading into black as they pass into shadow. "No one." Too quick, too ready. I think she's lying. "All right." I stand up. "Connie's probably going to be in there for a while again -- I'd better find a spot." Gardener's E-tool is almost always available. I head out of the shelter. About as insistent as I've ever heard her, "Alex -- you have to talk about this with someone!" That's what confessionals are for: sitting down and saying 'It's over and you can't make me talk about it. Or think about it. Or do anything about it ever again.' And having it happen, because they can't hold me forever when we have a challenge coming up -- actually -- where is Julia, anyway? Nowhere in camp. So no confessionals right now. "Mary-Jane, I've got to use the bathroom -- I went down early and I overslept a little..." She's not backing down because she's weary and running out of debating strength, she just knows she's up against an argument that can't be beaten for stalling power. "All right..." Of course, as stall arguments go, this one tends to lose strength after some fast digging, which means I have to switch to the backup: 'Sorry -- got to work.' The camp needs a little basic cleaning work done, anyway, and Mary-Jane has to wash up or take the penalty of both breaking her routine and looking bad on camera. Even with the shower around, she still prefers the lake for the long swims and abundance of water. That means leaving camp, and doing so while there's still time -- the Reward challenge almost has to be early: we've had Shari for most of a day, and a new face in camp is too welcome a presence to let us keep her much longer -- so eventually, Mary-Jane temporarily gives up and goes out. Great. Fantastic. Wonderful. Of course, she probably didn't hold a group conference: she doesn't like Connie, Connie doesn't like her, she wouldn't think it would make Connie feel anything for me that wasn't contempt -- or would she make a serious try for an impossible sympathy angle? Maybe she had a series of one-on-ones or just acted it out in charades: easy enough to come up with something for 'overdose'... At least Connie's still avoiding me. Or just taking forever in the bathroom again. The spirit of Bruce may have passed into her and is refusing to come out. Among other things. No one's talking to me about yesterday. But it may be because they already know. At least one more person very probably knows... ...but at least they're not talking about it. Although just knowing is bad enough. Clean the camp. Check the firewood supply. Bring in fruit, store some in the cooler bag. Watch Robin measuring out a very small dose of her precious coffee, which she's been forcing herself to stretch out. Inhale the aroma, which everyone gets to enjoy. (Caffeine probably isn't the sort of thing that works when it's airborne.) "Hey." Because Robin won't talk about it. She may not know when to shut up, but she's proving to be very good at staying away from bad topics, at least when they don't involve her. Robin shrugs. "Watch this be standing still and I get the caffeine shivers," she tells me. "I need the energy for the challenge, but I can't take too much either." She looks up at me: she's sitting on the ground with her legs at full stretch, freshly-humming machine on her right. As usual, she's not staying in that position: Robin tends to do slow stretches and casual aerobic exercises when 'at rest', staying limber. "I meant it -- I'm not folding." Looking utterly disgusted, "I'm not winning, either. Not the damn game. I don't know what the hell I was thinking -- I can't beat four Immunity challenges in a row. I haven't beaten any challenge. I just want one." I still almost wish she'd get it. "You found an idol." "Big deal," she tells me. A slow stretch to the left, fluidly working her extended legs over the machine. "No one voted for me when I had it. I'm going to get five votes in the whole game, and they're all going to be tomorrow. I wish the idol was good for the whole game -- I could have held onto it. I could have pulled a Terry --" She flips a few strands of hair away from her eyes. "Damn it. I'm not sorry I came, but I don't know what the hell I got from it. Besides weight loss, bug bites, and a check that's nowhere near as big as the one I wanted. Plus no goddamn sex, not even any goddamn flirting, and I think my confessional guy is getting a hernia from holding all the laughter in whenever I talk about any of it." There really isn't much of a possible response to that, is there? "You got to come -- that's more than most people can say." As if it's the end-all for the argument, "They forget you when you don't win." Arcing back over the machine. She's very limber. "You're lucky there." Huh? "Sorry?" I don't get it. 'Lucky' is not a word I ever connect to myself. "They're not going to forget you." The coffee starts to drip. "Only one of us is making All-Stars, and it's not going to be me." "They won't do it again -- you know that." Not when two camera operators just twitched. Honestly, it's like they're wired to a generator. And why would anyone want me back? I just threatened to break my contract over a Reward challenge: that doesn't exactly inspire confidence in bringing me in for a second run. Plus there's the 'after this airs, the entire country will hate her' thing that Jeff was worried about -- actually, that's probably the main reason for a return... Maybe I'll want them to forget me. I didn't come here for Robin's reason: not because I was certain I could win a million dollars and enjoy any amount of fame and glory -- especially fame -- that came with it. That wasn't why I applied -- -- Robin's looking at me, waiting for something: I guess it wasn't enough of an answer. "Would you come back?" A big grin. "Say the word." She's watching the coffee drip with a nearly fearful intensity, which is especially impressive when you consider that her right foot is starting to go behind her neck. "I've got to be getting the Tree Mail today -- they'll give me that. It's my ass on the line, so I get the stupid poem." She shrugs, which is really impressive: shouldn't her ankle dislocate right there? "Watch this be the worst one of all." An argument could be made: the poem turns out to be "'Station to station, tree to tree, find and seek what you can see. Three more days never come free, but the one who has them jumps with glee.'" Shari, who has no resistance built up, groans. Robin just looks even more frustrated. "A hunt challenge. A --" several branches crackle in the fire "-- hunt challenge. Damn it!" Connie's smile is sincere, but wicked. Or sincerely wicked, pick one. "But you're so overdue..." "Said your ovaries to the eggs," Robin shoots back. Connie's smile doesn't even begin to fade. Too bad: it was at least a solid seven. "Great. Just great. I get to go out over a glorified game of hide and seek." She looks up at the leaf canopy as if pleading. "Is there anyone here having a worse day? Just one goddamn person who's worse off than me, that's all I'm asking for. Can I get that damn much out of this game?" Gary looks like he's trying very hard not to laugh. Mary-Jane's already surrendered to the giggle fit. Gardener just rolls his eyes. "Come on -- we've got to get Shari home before any of more of the bugs find her." Gary's attractiveness to insect life turned out to be a genetic trait. "Let's get going. And Robin, pretend you've got a little damn dignity?" Robin glares at him. "And if I do, you won't vote me out?" He shakes his head. "Goddamn hunt challenge..." We set out. I stay at the back of the line again, trying to talk with Shari. Which agencies has Gary balanced books for? The FBI? CIA? NSA? Anything else with initials? And she can't remember, really she can't, it's incredibly boring work and Gary knows better than to talk about it at home for fear of putting everyone to sleep... So apparently the other thing that happened after I went to sleep was father and daughter getting some time to rehearse. The conversation about my mother couldn't have occupied the entire night. I don't want to think about this any more. But that's the wish I'm never going to get. Although Robin's close to getting hers: we reach Challenge Beach -- empty except for our mat, but it sounded like we were going into the jungle again -- and find a very irritated Jeff waiting for us. Maybe Burnett saw the tape of my making that threat, and I'm out... No, that can't be it: they would have just canceled the challenge and kicked me out in the middle of the night, unless someone decided that waiting for sunlight would make for a better shot. And why would that irritate Jeff, especially after I nearly hit him? Something's obviously going on, though: the "Come on in, guys!" has a distinct edge to it, and Jeff is actually pacing a little when we come in -- although he stops as soon as he decides he's in a usable camera moment. Still, we've all noticed -- especially Shari, who's only gotten the TV Jeff up until this point: for her, it's a major contrast. "Mary-Jane, bring it here." She surrenders the necklace with a smile and a shrug. "Immunity -- back up for grabs. But before that happens, we've got to settle something from the last challenge." We tense -- a twist is possible here, and my punishment could still be on the horizon -- but for once, it's just what we were expecting. "Shari, did you enjoy your stay?" Her smile shows off brilliant teeth that Gary claims to have spent most of two years' income on. "It was really something else, Jeff. I've never had an experience like it, and I can't believe my dad's been through thirty-two days of it." She turns enough to regard him fondly. "I guess he can do seven more." Gary's mock-groan takes a while to hit the trail point. "I hope..." Get the spare jaguar back in its cage: Gary's not ready for it any more. Jeff nods. He still looks a little out of sorts. "Well, a day and a night -- plus the best service Nextel can offer -- make for a pretty good Reward. Still --" Mary-Jane and I wait for it. "-- despite what happened yesterday --" and Robin's eyes start to go wide as she begins to figure it out "-- we've decided that's not enough." The wicked pause is mercifully brief. "Everybody, come on out!" They come out: Audrey, Edward, Lisa, and David. They walk in from the path to cheers, delight, and a small nod from Gardener, and they step on the mat with us as we're silently directed to make room, each standing next to their relative. My mother isn't among them, so no final twist for me: they're not going to risk it twice, they can't -- but I think Gardener is starting to figure things out: he's frowning a little. "Today's challenge is a paired event," Jeff tells us. "You'll be playing as a team with your loved ones: they've stayed to help you try and win Immunity." Overnight in the mansion, where they were probably kept away from Angela, Tony, and Phillip. I wonder if anyone got the master bedroom. "They'll have a say in who stays three more days and gets a guaranteed one-in-five chance at a million dollars." But the others are starting to look down the line at me -- and I'm just waiting. They had to have found someone, right? Anyone. Just take one of the helicopters island-hopping and see if anyone wants to pick up a day's worth of television appearance fees, which is probably more than sixteenth place... And now Gary's frowning. "Jeff? We're down one." Jeff nods again. He also happens to count real good up to five. "Alex's mother, as per Alex's request, has been removed from the island -- and the game. Alex will not be teamed with her to play for Immunity. However, Alex has to play for Immunity -- so she'll be playing with another partner --" and his right hand comes up. "Give me a minute." He steps away from his usual position and goes back to pacing. We're staring. We're all staring -- at least, the tribe is, along with our visitors, who really aren't used to Off The Air Jeff. For some reason, the camera operators, challenge staff, production people -- everyone in the current non-player pool is smiling, or doing so while trying to hide it, or just covering their mouths to stiffle the giggles... Audrey's the first to verbalize the group's confusion. "So what's going on?" There's more than a little demand in the question. Jeff turns on his right heel and looks at her. "What's wrong is that I have no idea why these people are smiling." He gestures at the staff. "Alex, we found someone for you, and I will be damned if I know who it is. All they'll tell me is that they got a partner you can play with, the contract is signed, everything's clear, and I shouldn't worry about it, because they just want to get the reaction shot when this mystery guest walks in!" Gardener's starting to grin. It's not a reassuring sight -- especially not for Jeff, who's finally on the wrong end of it. "I'm the host: I think I have an obligation to know what's going on with the show. But apparently it's much more important that someone get a tight close-up on my face when Alex's partner shows up..." The pacing has expanded to cover a larger area. "Every single one of them knows. They smuggled the person in under my nose. They've kept us apart the whole time. I have been shuffled from place to place in order to keep me away from whoever's here. This is a conspiracy, and I'm getting just a little bit sick of it!" I have no problem with this. Jeff's feeling a little out of his element? Yesterday did not put me in a position where I'm willing to care. I hope his bed got short-sheeted. Robin can't resist. Robin never could resist, and doesn't even see the point in trying. "Gee, Jeff --" and 'gee' is pulling out the heavy ammunition "-- it's just a twist..." Lisa laughs, and the ultimate form of applause comes from Gardener in the form of a single sharp bark. Jeff shakes his head in irritation, takes a moment to adjust his hat. "Sure -- pile it on. They have." Another gesture to the we're-not-enjoying-this-really staff. Connie finally finds an opportunity. "It's not her father, is it?" Not even a two from the Russian judge. All that effort for nothing. "I actually asked," Jeff tells us, "and no -- that's it for relatives. But they assure me it's 'someone who has a connection.' I swear this is going to be Rupert..." Hey! What if that's it? I'm a fan of the show and they never get to do guest-star shots, so they found a former contestant who was in the very rough area -- Hawaii, probably -- and flew them in! They'd be familiar with the contracts, they could work within the bounds of the show without so much as a hiccup... Suddenly, I'm very curious to see who comes out from that path, and Azure is picking up on it: her neck is straining forward. Our poor distressed host has Mary-Jane's complete attention. He also gets to be the butt of her joke. "Don't worry so much, Jeff -- at least you know it's not going to be Richard..." And he groans. "Or it could be Jon. Rob. Any Rob. It could be absolutely anyone and all I know is that they want to see my face when our guest comes out." Connie doesn't like the idea of my getting a former player to work with, but she's not exactly upset about Jeff's distress. "Maybe now you know what we go through every time you drop one of those pauses into your sentences." Jeff's irritation is brief, but intense. "Twists are part of the game. We haven't had many this season because the new idol was a big enough shakeup without distorting the game any further. But if you sign up for the game, you are signing up for twists. If you're not willing to face that, don't apply." Lock, load, fire -- -- and deflected. "Or show up to host?" It's not as if Robin has anything to lose. And Jeff knows it. With open resignation, "Or show up to host, because the one thing we learn every season is that ultimately, the game is at the mercy of the players, and none of you have any... All right -- let's get this over with." And we're back on the air. "So she'll be playing with a different partner." Apparently Jeff decided to go for an extra take. "Alex, here's your teammate." Jeff makes a grand, sweeping gesture that ends with his right hand pointing at Haraiki's old trail entrance and his searching eyes just a little too intense -- -- Mary-Jane starts to double over with merriment. David joins her. Gardener's spine locks from sheer shock, and Audrey goes completely stiff. Connie makes a soft hiss, while Edward remains funeral-silent. Lisa and Robin are both trying very hard not to go off the mat, because Jeff is not getting a second take to adopt a different, more stable expression. Gary starts to chortle, and Shari knows more than enough to join him. And I'm looking a little bit past them to Julia, walking in behind my partner, filming his every step with an ease that says she's done it a hundred times and didn't even need a full heartbeat to get the rhythm back, lips turned up in a small, secret smile. Bright, merry eyes look over Jeff, who is not dealing with this well, and the Kiwi accent rings strongly across Challenge Beach. "What a dump!" Phil declares, and joins in the laughter. -----------------------------------------------------------------   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

michel 6689 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 12-05-06, 05:11 PM (EST) 20. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part III" {Was That...?} {Phil...? From the Amazing Race?} {No, it wasn't} {We'll have to wait to return from commercial but I think it was him!!} {It wasn't Phil, that guy wasn't wearing a turtleneck.} {It's a 100 degrees!} {Phil always wears a turtleneck!} {Not always See!} {It would make sense that Phil makes an appearance on executive producer Estee's Suvivor since Jeff made an appearance in Executive Producer JohnMC's Pseudo All-STAR race} {What happened there? I haven't watched The amazing race since the Family edition} {Romber was in it and they ran into a local who was a big fan of theirs and a survivor spoiler. When Rob asked for help to get to the next destination, the fan brought them to Jeff and the tribal council instead of Phil and the Pit stop} {Really??} {Yes! We're not sure what happened next since the cameras cut but rumour has it that Rob saw a blonde Bimbo at the TC and proposed a Final 2 alliance right there and then. Amber wasn't pleased and knocked Rob out with Jeff's snuffer. He got medivaced off the set but, you guessed it, the medical personel were big fans so they brought Rob to Phil and the Pit Stop. Phil greeted the unconscious Rob and a furious Amber in first place!}   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 14104 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 12-06-06, 01:04 AM (EST) 21. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part III" {No, Alex, this is not a Roadblock that only one team member may perform. You used the Yield on your Mother, so there's no Detour for you to go around what's already in the cards.} A wonderful sig-gift from Nutz.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Belle Book 1925 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Herbal Healing Drugs Endorser" 01-13-09, 05:46 PM (EST) 28. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part III" Oh no! OH NOOOOO!!! Poor Jeff -- almost poor Jeff! This is a classic moment! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- (plop) That's me laughing my head off! Belle Book   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Estee 44384 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 12-09-06, 03:26 PM (EST) 22. "I Will Never Forgive You: Part IV" LAST EDITED ON 12-14-06 AT 09:54 PM (EST) {Might as well give Shari the first confessional for Day Thirty-Two: "If these are the last six, then what was the original sixteen like? I'm thrilled my dad's one of them, and he told me some things about how he's gotten this far, but -- wow. This is a weird group. You'd think the strongest one would have been gone right after the merge, but Gardener's still here. The most useless one would have been dumped during the tribal stage, but Connie's hanging on. Honestly -- I don't get it." Shari may get outwardly get along with Connie, but it doesn't exactly sound like she likes her, does it?} {Gary knows how he's gotten this far? Well, he's ahead of us.} {The six actually makes sense -- if you've been watching from episode to episode. Shari got the fast-and-dirty review.} {Mostly makes sense. Someone still has to explain Azure.} {Good lord. I think Robin may be the only person on the planet who can actually touch her elbow to her ear.} {That is really, really hard to watch...} {That is a guarantee of a Playboy contract.} {M-J's more their type. And probably vice-versa.} {Trust me: after that last move, they'll make room. And after that last move, all they'll need is three square inches. Robin will make herself fit.} {And here comes the silver platter again: the songbird is just a challenge away from being cleaned out of her cage.} {Yeah, not the best time for a hunt challenge as far as Robin was concerned. I bet somewhere in the last episodes, we are going to get balance again, and she won't be around for her specialty.} {Cute bit here -- no, Alex no longer buys Gary As Innocent Accountant, not after last night: she wants to know what her tribemate does and who he's doing it for. But she's on the wrong track. From all the agency names she's throwing out, I think Alex believes Gary's some sort of secret agent. But after last night's emergency conference, Shari isn't going to give anything away.} {No, Alex, Gary is not Brady in heavy makeup. But he's not quite an accountant, either. Wonder if she can figure this one out?} {Is it just me, or is Jeff just a little out of sorts this morning?} {They're ba-ack!} {How is it possible for Edward to be showing weight loss after one night on the island? Is Connie transferring hers to her husband? The Portrait Of Connie Lastings-Adams, Gender Switch Edition?} {Partnered challenge -- Alex can't play with her mother, so Alex has to play with someone else...} {I'm willing to bet that Jeff never thought any of this footage was going to make the air.} {Former contestant? Please not Terry... he'll just insist that any win makes him part of the game again, and then he'll start going after idols, and -- I don't even want to think about this. Hello, Exile Island Ulcer: it's been so long since I've heard from you.} {Ashlee! She and Alex have so much in common!} {Uh-huh. Someplace in particular you're going with that?} {Only in my wildest dreams.} {I'm thinking Rob C. -- two slightly off-center strategists. Which means Alex loses, because he's not exactly a challenge aid for anything based around speed. If they're hunting, then they're moving. He can move, but you need to bring out the sundial to check his finishing time.} {And Alex's partner is --} {-- Rod Serling, because here we are in the Twilight Zone again...} {This can't be happening. I mean it this time. A jaguar is one thing. I can deal with the jaguar. The parrot, no problem. Secret passages? Bring them on. But this? What the hell is going on here? (And why am I enjoying it so much?)} {Look at Jeff! Trot out six billion possible names and this was the last one on his list!} {Kirk, Picard -- no, wait. That happened. Here's a better one. Doctor Who, meet James T. Kirk. Jeff can be Kirk because we know he sleeps with everything in sight, if you're willing to make 'everything' into 'at least one person.' Phil can be Doctor Who because he has an accent and there's been times when we've all wished he had a scarf. Anything for extra body cover.} {Alex just staring...} {Well -- TAR is her favorite show...} {We have crossover sign. I repeat: we have crossover sign from the other direction! Bruck finally got revenge for Romber!} {What happened? How was he even in the area?} {Book tour. I'm sure of it. Remember Phil was going cross-country promoting his new one? He must have been in Hawaii -- hell, this practically gives us the exact date for the challenge if we do some research. But who made the call? Jeff said the staff would check around -- this needs someone with enough TAR connections and personal disregard for their own job security to say 'Oh, what the hell', forget the rivalry, piss Burnett off beyond all belief by giving him footage he never wanted to use and can't possibly deny, and take the chance on getting him.} {Some valiant, determined, former staff member...} {Cameron?} {The big dogs are sniffing tails, and both of them think they've got an intruder on their territory...} ----------------------------------------------------------------- It's not like having Superman and Batman together on a single comics page: that happens pretty much every week. It's not like having any two fictional characters together, really -- not ones from the printed page. There's always a chance of having creators collaborate. In the unreal world, anyone could meet up with their near-counterpart, for any reason, anywhere. This is the real world, and this feels like something that can only happen once -- -- Donald and Daffy. Maybe that's closer to the mark. Two people in the same profession who could, thanks to a one-time legal firestorm of permits and paperwork, be brought together on one stage to play a piano concert. They'll cooperate. They'll try to harmonize on the occasional note. But if you look closely, you'll see weapons being snuck out from under the lids and aimed with careful, loving devotion, because while they're in the same profession and do a lot of the same things to an equal amount of applause, it doesn't mean they like each other... "Oh, I get it," Jeff slowly declares as the shock is visibly forced away from his features. "Not someone who has a connection with Alex, someone who has a connection with Azure." Without glancing back, "Azure, try this one: 'A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons.'" Azure just blinks. "Don't worry if you can't do it: it took him about three hundred tries before he got it down." Uh-oh. Amanu's amusement just took a nosedive and burrowed two feet into the sand: it's going to need all the protection it can get. The crew is still enjoying themselves more than we've ever seen them enjoy -- well, anything -- but the rest of the group is starting to realize they may be present for the First Rule Of Team-Ups: before the possible cooperation, there tends to be one near-mandatory attempt to kill each other. Phil strides a little closer. V-neck short-sleeved light green cotton shirt, faded jeans (making him the first person to risk chafing -- but even with the heat to accelerate things, he won't be here nearly long enough), casual sneakers. He seems to be more amused by Jeff's remark than offended, although that might just be the impression I'm getting from the squint he's focusing on Jeff. "I never would have believed it if I didn't see it," Phil muses, "but even when you get this close, it still almost looks like real hair..." I can hear Gary swallowing hard from my position down the line. I think the entire beach heard it. Minus Jeff: he's focusing on something else. It still leaves him with an arm free to point at our mat. "That's where you want to be, Keogan. It's what I like to call a 'bunch point': the place where all our players gather and start on an even footing. Of course, unlike some shows, I only force them to do it twice per episode." Okay, so far, that's about an eight for Jeff's opener, another eight for Phil's reply, but Jeff just tried for the extra half-point... Phil just smiles. "And the Pit Stop is your bedroom, where one contestant will be brought at the end of each game for a twelve-hour layover, only three minutes of which will be used for begging, mostly for a chance to stop laughing..." Robin is trying to keep a straight face. She's not doing very well. Lisa's giving her a great mirror to model from, though. Jeff's eyes go hard: Phil has just crossed into forbidden territory. "What are you doing here?" Game temporarily suspended so the players can present their credentials. Phil shrugs. "I was in Hawaii and I got a phone call forwarded from an old associate." He nods to Julia. "Very forwarded: it took about six layers of connections before anyone could get it to me. The E-mail actually showed up on my mobile first, but I was a little too busy to check it..." Another nod, this time to me. "One of my biggest fans was in trouble and needed a little assistance. How could I say no? -- especially when it gave me the chance to finally see the artist at work in a live setting. I have to say, Jeff, I'm sort of impressed. I've been here three whole minutes and you haven't had anyone tied up with ropes yet. All these seasons, and you're finally learning some self-control." Jeff inhales. It's very slow, very deep, and it's clearly the only thing he wants to think about doing right now. And on the last point, he's failing. Forced into some semblance of formality, "You've been briefed?" A nod, with Phil's little front projection of hair bobbing in the sunlight. "I've signed the papers. I don't tell my people anything about this, yours don't let mine know what happened, and we all keep our mouths extremely shut until the episode reaches the air. Of course, that's always been a little more of a problem for your group. How many betting spoilers is that to date, exactly?" "Get. On. The. Mat." (It's official: Phil's ahead.) Our visiting host shrugs and takes his place next to me. I look up at him. I honestly hadn't realized he was quite that tall. A grin. "Hello, Alex -- put us down as your favorite on Markie-Mark's little forms? Now that takes some courage." Several jaws drop: Markie-Mark? "Why did you apply here, with guts like that?" My favorite host for my favorite show is standing less than a foot away from me, I probably have at most a minute to talk to him before the challenge starts, and I have no idea what to say. What a waste of a perfectly good one-time crossover -- think, Alex, think! "I -- don't have a partner." Fair answer: it takes two to do the worldwide tango, but only one for island suffering. Phil decides to accept that answer. "Common complaint -- we lose a lot of perfectly good candidates to this sadist --" indicating Jeff "-- because they can't find someone to come along with them." Still smiling. "Of course, if this little exercise in social torture is good for anything, it's uniting partners -- which reminds me: did your invitation to the wedding ever show up?" Jeff doesn't answer: just lets us all wait on the mat for five breaths, ten, fifteen, twenty -- and then Mary-Jane gives up on waiting. "Jeff?" "Sorry, Mary-Jane," our own host unapologetically lies. "I thought if we didn't do anything whatsoever for a very long time, it would make our guest feel more at home. I guess I should have remembered about bringing in a ticket counter for the full atmosphere." Oof. I glance at Julia, suddenly wondering if she's still going to have a job after this -- -- well, yes. Her old job. That's a guarantee. And Jeff isn't going to have anyone fired over this: he'd have to toss out the contestants, the challenge staff, the production crew, every camera operator -- basically, every last person who laughed at the joke. Markie-Mark, on the other hand... Jeff takes a long, slow look around at the crew. "Next season," he softly vows, "everyone is on challenge test duty." Several people wince. "All right. Let's get to today's Challenge, right after we treat our visitor to a local catchphrase or two." He gestures to the necklace. "Today's challenge is for Immunity. Immunity -- back up for grabs. That should hold you for a while." Phil doesn't even blink. "Here's how it's going to work. Each team will be given a clue --" Jeff stops, winces, and Phil just grins "-- which indicates both the first thing they're supposed to hunt for and the location it's in. You will race --" another wince, and he stops. "All right -- who wrote this?" One of the younger people on the challenge staff tries to duck behind a taller one. "Got it. Learn to swim, Chris -- I've just decided that next season's going to be really water-intensive." A deep breath, which gives Robin just enough time to stop snickering. "You will race to that location, gather the object, and detach the second clue. When you've solved a total of four clues and collected four objects, come back to me. The first team to have both members reach my mat --" and now Phil is snickering "-- with their items wins Immunity for the playing member: guaranteed three more days on the island and a one-in-five chance at the million-dollar prize. Which would be a million whole dollars, for one person, that doesn't have to be split with anyone." "Except the IRS," Phil helpfully notes. Jeff magnificently ignores both him and Gary choking back the fresh laughter. "Are there any questions about the challenge?" Gardener's got one. "Are we all going to the same locations?" If I solve this thing first, is everyone going to follow me? Jeff shakes his head. "There are twenty-four clues for twenty-four points. However, each team will be assigned a color, and all their objects will be that hue. You can't come back with someone else's hunt items by accident -- and if you do, you're out of the challenge." Connie frowns. "What about exploration? If we haven't been to all the places described..." She's been about as immobile as anyone. "And if the distances are unequal, then --" Jeff was ready for this one. "Each team has been assigned locations that the playing member has been to. While some point-to-point transitions may be quicker than others, the total length for the six courses is the same." Connie doesn't seem to completely believe the answer, but recognizes she has to appear satisfied with it. For his part, Edward looks like he wants to say something here, but keeps his silence, possibly because Connie's elbow is nudging against his stomach. "Anyone else?" Phil: "Can I have a buff?" Jeff takes a very deep breath. "No." Robin is still feeling the freedom that comes from having absolutely nothing left to lose. "Can I have a clue pack with red and yellow stripes?" We'll be carrying clues, therefore... "Fresh out," Phil tells her. Robin tosses off a shrug. Jeff gives the twelve of us the longest look of the season. "Are you all done?" Apparently. "All right. Connie and Edward, you're on orange. Take this -- this was supposed to be a scroll --" it's an envelope "-- and get into position." Connie steps forward to retrieve the clue. "Someone bring in a perch so we can secure Azure for the challenge. Gardener, Audrey -- red..." Everyone collects their not-scrolls and gets their colors -- I'm on purple again -- and gets into position. The sorting process added to the conversation Jeff decides to have with the freshly-identified Chris gives Phil and I a few extra seconds to talk. "Is Julia going to be okay?" Because even if Jeff calms down -- and I think he will -- Markie-Mark may have trouble with this concept. Phil smiles reassuringly. It's a lot more effective than when Jeff tries to do it, mostly because I know Phil isn't about to pull a twist out from behind his back. Plus any pointed questions that might occur to him can't be hauled out at Council. "Sure -- she can always come back to us, worst-case. I tried to talk her out of the switch, but she really wanted a new experience. Don't worry about it -- I'm just ruffling the old boy's feathers." A quick glance back at Jeff. "Someone needs to remind him he's not lord of the manor every so often, let alone Chief Jeff." Oh. "I think it's happened a few times already." At least for this season. This nod is a lot more solemn. "Julia gave me the outline." He shrugs. "Not that I can tell anyone... but it sounds like your group is having an interesting time. How's your arm?" "It's okay -- I've got full use of it, and it doesn't hurt to stretch and reach any more." I am talking to Phil as if he was a normal person. It feels very weird. It's different with Jeff: he's part of the game, the part that keeps declaring it isn't an active part. Still -- he is, in a very strange, slightly detached way, one of us: Player Number Seventeen, wearing the permanent Immunity Hat. With Phil, there's still a very slight celebrity aspect to deal with. I'd probably feel the same light touch of awe if I met Hal Foster. Which would be very hard to do, because he's dead... "Umm..." What's wrong with me? This is just a regular human being! In fact, he's a contestant, at least for one day. It's no different from being paired with anyone else on the planet! "I've never seen you play: how's your speed? And how good are you at solving clues?" Much better. Nothing like a paradigm shift to straighten things out. "Not bad. I have to stay ahead of our own teams in airports -- that can take a serious turn of speed. And I'm decent with clues." He glances around at the others. "Who's our biggest threat here?" "Probably Gardener and Audrey, at least for clue-solving." I point: outline or no outline, I'm not sure Phil knows who all of us are. "Speed -- Mary-Jane, but I think David will hold her back." As long as I've got him here, "I miss the original clues." Smoke-that-thunders. Great image. A small, slightly sad smile. "Me too... Pity about the format here: I would have loved to get some original challenge commentary." Fair point, I guess: we're going to be really separated, and Jeff will be waiting for us at the mat. It means he won't be able to keep us up to date on each other's progress. This must be what Phil's people feel like all the time... "The fog of war." He probably knows the phrase. Apparently so: another nod, and then "Get ready: it looks like the Great Dictator's just about ready to start." I blink. "Don't blame me: Anderson put that label on him." The Great Dictator takes his position and clears his throat. "For Immunity --" under his breath "-- and what had better be a really fast challenge -- Survivors --" the word sticks in his throat, possibly because he was looking at Phil when he said it. Back up, change focus to Robin, start over. "Survivors ready --" -- I wish I could ask him about Bolo & Lori's train -- "-- go!" I tear open the envelope. Two hundred dollars in leg expenses does not fall out. Aloud for the cameras, "'Water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Not black, not there, but somewhere else, with rocks upon which to think. Trapped in hollows, trapped in puddles, waiting there for you. A fish is what you need to find -- run and scramble, do.'" Phil doesn't have any resistance built up, either. "Ouch... do you know?" A very fast nod. "Haraiki's shoreline -- their tidal pools." Does he even know what Haraiki is? How much was in that outline? And it looks like I'll have to do most of the work on the clues... "Follow me!" Some of the others are already moving: Gardener and Audrey just vanished down the left-side trail for the original hunt, and Mary-Jane just took off for the Turare path, with David already lagging behind. Robin is re-reading her clue for Lisa: neither one seems to be making any headway. Edward looks utterly frustrated, Connie is starting to get angry... ...and we're off, running down Haraiki's path, two camera operators coming along, Julia included. Why not? If anyone knows how to shoot our guest, who is looking at the plants as we go... "Amazing -- but don't tell Jeff." He's racing at my side: I get to see the grin. "I'd love to put a stop here, but without an airport nearby, it's just begging for a pair of extra bunch points -- one on, one off..." No trouble getting the words out at full speed: he's in shape. And having the time of his life. "So this is what it's like to play!" Every host wants to be a contestant: nearly every contestant probably wants to be a host... Unfortunately, he hasn't played enough to get the 'talking drops you back' idea, but I think he's a little faster than me anyway. What good are our partners supposed to be here? Right now, everyone has a drag on their line: someone who doesn't know the island, hasn't been to the locations they've seen. Gary's the best off with Shari, but it's a tiny advantage at best. Is there something Phil has to do? "We're missing something..." Best to risk this now: it'll give him time to think it over. "We wouldn't be racing in teams if you weren't supposed to be an active part of it." Phil can see that. "I don't know the island -- so you have to be the guide, while I do the work when we find things..." Makes perfect sense. "That fish is not going to just be calmly floating in a pool waiting to be snatched out..." ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Such good friends.} {You know what's really amazing? Connie didn't just try to have Alex thrown out of the game over this.} {What rule did Alex break?} {None. It's more of a general principles thing.} {Words I may never say again: what are Phil's challenge skills?} {Not horrible -- he's pretty fit.} {Yeah, right. Can we call this Team Tight Sweaters and leave it at that?} {That was a lot of seasons ago.} {You want to say something, and I know it. Come on -- just give in to the temptation...} {Sorry: I took the Gus Pledge.} {Audrey reading it off: "'Remember coffee? Remember drunks? Television sets and singing going clunk? Head right for that former site: a tiger just might set you right.' This is Professor Clampton's work, isn't it?" Gardener takes off with her for the old coffee bar reward site while telling her that no, it isn't even that good.} {David lagging well behind Mary-Jane, who has to keep stopping whenever she threatens to get out of sight...} {Three sisters, one third of a brain each: Robin & Lisa are still on the beach. Don't they realize this clue means the second death site for the jaguar attacks?} {Phil keeping pace with Alex -- hard to tell who's actually ahead here, with the teams so scattered -- damn it, I never realized I relied on Jeff this much...} {Connie and Edward the edited first to their object! I'm impressed: Connie actually retained enough memory from that fiasco of a challenge to remember where the giraffe was. But this is where it gets complicated: there's a sign waiting here, and Edward has to climb the tree to get it. Connie can't provide any help. How good do you think Edward is at climbing trees? Do you really think Edward wants to risk his precious hands on tree bark? He's moving as if he doesn't even want to be within twenty miles of a prospective splinter.} {David having trouble finding the easiest path up the waterfall...} {Damn it, who is ahead here? With all the different distances to travel and no commentary, this is like -- *blink* -- watching the Race. We need position subtitles!} {Ask, and ye shall receive: Gardener & Audrey are in first place. Audrey had no trouble getting up her tree. The branch didn't even bend under her minimal weight.} {Alex & Phil reach their fish -- and yuck! Looks like Phil has to go bobbing for it in the tidal pool, which has been filled with that old popular favorite for both shows: cow's blood. How do you like playing now?} {Didn't even blink: just put his head down and went for it...} ----------------------------------------------------------------- ...before emerging with the tailfin of a wooden fish clasped between his teeth: he spits the prize into his hands and goes for the waterproof envelope, not even bothering to wipe the blood away from his face first. "Alex?" I take it, which gives him the freedom to do a fast swipe, shedding red droplets all over the white sand. Deja vu... "Where next?" I read it over. "The Cliffs." I can go over it out loud for the cameras in a few seconds: it's time to move. He frowns, blood trickling off his chin. Goodbye, shirt, and I know the show won't offer to pay for it, at least not with the check approved at the highest level. "That's on the other main trail, right? We'll have to cross Challenge Beach." Following me again. A very comprehensive outline. "At least it'll let us see if someone's won..." And back we go, with me reading out the poem on the way so as not to get our camera operators too worked up. Yes, this is going to be a lot of running for everyone: they probably measured out each course to make sure the distances were equal. Moving past where Azure's temporary cage was once placed -- and we get passed going in the other direction: Robin and Lisa are in motion, but neither of them is carrying anything. We're not in last! But I don't know if we're in first, either -- ----------------------------------------------------------------- {-- Audrey having more trouble with this one: she does not want to eat her way through the small layer of fafaru that's covering the elephant. Gardener's doing his best to cheer her on and migawd, the man can save the cheerleader act and get back to strength training because he's seriously bad at it. Just give him pom-poms and a short skirt, then let the nightmares begin!} {Must -- scrub -- brain...} {Robin & Lisa finally catch on: Team Redass is approaching their site -- Lisa's got to go in the river...} {Edward finally up the tree -- with no idea how to get back down.} {Some great fast camera cuts here. Think the editing team was inspired?} {I'd call it more of a tribute. Or a blatant rip-off. Pick one.} {Alex & Phil at the Cliffs -- ouch: Phil has to go down a rope dangling from the edge and climb to the seagull. Safety gear so he doesn't slip, but it's still not the best experience. Alex kneeling on the edge, watching him closely and providing suggestions for maneuvering the rope. Why not? She's been down there once before, even if it was at high speed... Phil recovers it -- and they're in the lead.} {Mary-Jane & David pass an orange station with a balut egg waiting on top of the duck. (And once again: why a duck?) Mary-Jane says "Well, they're probably out" and races on.} {Robin & Lisa to the durian grove... Lisa with a gagging fit -- got to open one and eat it, but the eating's going to be the easy part...} {Edward still up the tree. Connie looking, for lack of a more sarcastic word, tired.} {Finally checking in on Gary & Shari -- Shari yelling about having to get her hair wet as she goes behind the waterfall. That's their second animal.} {That's Alex & Phil's third. Phil just powered through that haggis!} {Think it would have taken him longer if they'd told him it was left over from the original challenge?} {Gardener & Audrey finally clear the second station, Audrey spitting all the way -- such a refined woman, truly she is...} {They really are a perfect match, aren't they?} {Last station for Alex & Phil -- and the tables turn!} ----------------------------------------------------------------- I read the sign a second time. It hasn't changed since the first reading: I have to go up the tree, stick my face in the balanced bowl of blood, eat what I find within -- and then, only then, do I get to untie the carving from its post. Which is a jaguar, but I knew that coming in. So much for Phil doing all the work. Maybe the blood can at least disguise the taste. "Okay..." Checking out the tree: are there low branches? Grip points? Do I have to actually try a wrap, shimmy, and squash? No: there's relatively low branches, and while I'll have to stay close to the base if I want them to support my weight, they're usable. It'll just take one virtual chin-up first. Jump, grab, pull -- "You can do it, Alex!" Cheerleading isn't Phil's most natural skill -- hosts aren't used to rooting for people -- but he's making an effort. "Come on -- a little bit more!" Easy for him to say: women are supposed to do the flexed arm hang. But chin-ups aren't impossible: I get my elbows over the branch and from there, it gets very complicated and extremely uncomfortable for a few seconds. Give me five minutes with the person who designed this challenge. Just five minutes. And a watch so I can count off five minutes... But I'm making progress -- there. At least Phil didn't say anything about the process. Up the tree -- higher than I wanted to go, especially on this tree: the branches could definitely be thicker and I could wish for rougher bark to provide more of a grip -- there's the bowl, ease out, get my legs wrapped around the branch, this means looking down but it's only twenty feet, take a deep breath, plunge -- -- I don't want to draw back in revulsion. I don't want to stay here for very long either, but I'm not having trouble with it. This is just blood, and this is a plastic bag at the bottom of it, pull it up, make sure I'm balanced before wiping the blood from my eyes (and there goes another blouse: it's running down my neck), then cleaning off the bag to see -- -- damn it! And even Phil knows to groan. "That's fafaru, isn't it?" The dead fly trapped inside the bag was presumably the first clue. The smell, which has leaked out enough to reach him by now, got to be the second. "Yeah." I don't have the time to spare for more than that. This looks like about eight ounces' worth of it. I know what eight ounces of fafaru looks like, and that's knowledge I could have gone my entire life without tapping again. Nothing to do but open the bag and really get a dose of the smell, can't spare a hand to hold my nose because I need to be more stable on the branch, my only choice is -- Well, at least I don't have to look at it. ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Alex climbing down with the jaguar. I think we've found something else she never wants to talk about.} ----------------------------------------------------------------- Running again. The shoulder abrasions have healed, practically everything has healed or at least reached the point where I can make myself believe it short-term, and I'm not in the swimsuit this time. Still not designed for running, but for this one, my clothing is and it's doing what I paid to have it do. Phil's being very much the gentleman: eyes focused straight ahead, keeping pace. I just hope we're going in the most efficient direction: I've never tried to find my way back to the beach directly from the grapefruit groves before. I could have just followed the usual trail, but I'm trying to break new ground, hoping to save a few seconds. If I'm right, we'll come out on the Tribal Council path, then we can cut down it for a few feet, hit the beach trail -- -- and Connie comes out of the brush, heading the other way. I look at her. She looks at me -- then at Phil, at the objects in his arms -- I check Edward -- -- they've got two. Definitely not in last place. "You little...!" Connie starts to hiss -- glances at Phil again, then looks behind her as Edward catches up. Vocal focus change. "Come on! Maybe they'll get lost, since they're heading the wrong way!" Nice try. Really. "I'm tracking the sun, Connie -- good luck making that go on the wrong path!" Her eyes instantly narrow. "Try doing what you do best -- quit!" And past her, past a startled Edward, Phil trailing a little behind me now... "Nice woman," Phil comments as we hit the Council path. "She thinks so." Running, legs getting very tired, I'm stumbling a little now, we've been all over the island, but at least we're not in last place and I wonder if Jeff would secure the winning team somewhere off the beach to make all of think we were the first team to arrive no matter what order we arrived in, take a page out of Phil's book. Cresting the Cliffs again and it's all downhill from there, just breathe, just run, listen to the footsteps behind me and make sure they don't fall too far back because the challenge isn't over until we both hit the mat, no Yields ahead, just the entrance, out onto the black sand -- -- and there's Jeff, no one on the mat with him, no one near the mat but it doesn't mean anything, Julia's wheezing because she was a Race camera operator once and her last people had a maximum speed they were allowed to move at, closing in and still no one in sight, it doesn't mean anything unless Jeff says the magic words and he never says them to me, one more step -- I reach the mat. Phil reaches the mat. And we stand there, waiting. Jeff looks us both over, briefly examines the bloodstains, spends a little more time checking our animals, and his face is telling me there's something he really wants to say here -- -- but he's going to stick with the format. "Alex! Wins Immunity!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- {And about time, too.} {Evil! Evil! We love the bloodstained Alex evil!} {The other teams staggering in... The rest of the pack: Gardener & Audrey second, Mary-Jane & David third, Gary & Shari fourth, Connie & Edward fifth, and -- oh, this is just embarrassing -- someone has to round up Robin & Lisa.} {Looks like Gardener & Audrey were only a couple of minutes behind. And now it's a four-way tie for Challenge Whore status.} {Phil gets next to Jeff before Jeff can stop him, tells Gardener & Audrey they're Team Number Two. Jeff softly groans and says "I didn't do it to you." But they call off the order together on the next four. Looks like Jeff's found a new catchphrase. And he might even like it, but catch him ever admitting it.} {And this is a classic: Robin & Lisa are finally corralled in, step on the mat just to get it over with, and apparently Phil and Jeff had a lot of time to practice this, because we get a chorus: "Robin & Lisa, you are the last team to arrive. I'm -- pleased to tell you this has been a non-elimination Challenge. Unfortunately, it's going to be followed by an elimination Council." Lisa gives our co-hosts a sour look and Robin tells Phil that she just might fill out as many forms as it takes to find out if he has the guts to say it to them on his course.} {Everyone on the beach -- in case of last group shot, shatter camera glass from sheer disbelief -- and then --} ----------------------------------------------------------------- -- Jeff approaches me from the back. "Alex -- you are safe from the vote tonight, and the only person who currently knows they're going to see Day Thirty-Six." There's a weight... The world goes -- soft. The heat seems much more distant. All the sweat that was pouring off me after the challenge ended may have just evaporated. There's a cushion between me and the rest of the world. The others are here, and I know they're here, I can see them, talk to them -- but they can't touch me. Not in any way, not for a little while. No matter what happens, any schemes they may have had for and around me will have to wait. There's nothing they can do. I have three more days and no power in the game can change that. No surprise votes, no twists, no sudden spins through the turns and loops of the rulebook. The air is a little cooler, the sun a bit brighter. Colors are more intense, sounds sharpened. Three layers of weight around my neck: the cross, Phillip's creation, and now this. It feels like one weight, a satisfying one that was just waiting for a chance to become complete. This is protection. This is -- -- safety. This idol was different. No one knew I had it the first time: the votes were coming, and I had to worry about the chance of the idol being invalid during a tie. The second time, I gave it up and had to wait out the chance of Gardener finding a way to turn his new possession into an alliance buy-in, immediately followed by a backstab. This time, everyone knows I'm protected. They all know they're helpless to get rid of me in the face of the necklace, that nothing can nullify Immunity, no voting event, nothing... I'm safe. Only for this Council, only for a little while -- but I'm finally safe. What does it feel like, wearing the Immunity necklace? It may be the best feeling I've ever had. I nod once with quiet satisfaction and go back to my place on the mat, which is now officially reserved for two more challenges. Safe. I don't even mind where the necklace is resting. Azure may be getting a little miffed about having that much less room to perch because the leather braids are very inflexible and take up a lot of shoulder room, but... Jeff tells us to take a moment to say goodbye, and we do. I'm third: Phil extends a hand, and I shake it. "It was fun," he tells me, eyes twinkling. "I hope Markie-Mark puts some of it on the air -- they might just cut to you wearing that thing." "They'd have a lot of explaining to do." I need to get to my sketchbook, fast. "It was nice to meet you." I need to get into confessional and thank Julia, who's sitting at the base of a palm tree, still trying to get her breath back. "I never thought I'd see you and Jeff working together." A huge smile. "That wasn't cooperation. That -- was upstaging." A glance at Jeff, who's very pointedly not looking at us. "And he knows it. Never doubt it, Alex -- there is a rivalry between the shows. I agreed to come here not just because a fan was in trouble, but because this was the single biggest blow I could land on him and his." More softly, "But I also came because I wanted to play, just once -- and it was fun. I had a good partner." There isn't much I can say to that other than "Thank you." "Thank you. Take care of yourself, Alex." And a direct look at Azure, returned to her usual perch. With a nod, "And you take care of her." Azure nods back. Sure. I sigh, she sighs. He nods, she nods. She's a parrot. Imitating things is what she does... ...mostly. The others finish saying goodbye, and we file off the beach. Nearly everyone stops to take glances at our relatives -- and visitor -- as they get onto the boat, and watch as it pulls away from Challenge Beach. I know I do, and it lets me catch the others at it. Robin sighs as we finally head up the trail. "Think anyone would have noticed if Lisa and I had switched clothes? Then she could be voted off and I'd get out of the game without even an injury Council..." Gardener snorts. "After thirty-two days? Trust me, there's physical differences." He doesn't seem to be in a bad mood after finishing second. "Alex, change as soon as we get back, okay? You reek of blood, and while you're probably getting used to it, this stuff's a little bit stale for me." "And how about you?" He has some on him, courtesy of the goodbye embrace with Audrey. A shrug. "I'm not lending you another shirt." Followed by a very fast bark. "Damn it, I know I've bitched about who and what I've been stuck with here, but if I had to be around for anything, I am damn glad I made it to that..." "You mean Audrey, right?" Gary teases. "Yeah," Gardener confirms. "Audrey." Pause. "And maybe just a little bit of the other thing." Connie's not happy. Surprise! "Of all the people they could have found -- someone who's reviewed footage for a hundred challenges of his own..." Apparently watching something makes you an instant expert on it. Given that, shouldn't she be a lot better at -- well -- everything? This perks Robin up. "It could have been worse. It could have been Stephenie." Mary-Jane laughs at that one. "Or Bobby Jon. And they'd be asked to stay for Council and cast their very own vote, just so Jeff could see their faces when he told them it didn't actually count..." And the chatter continues all the way back to the beach. Gardener's happier than he's been since he reached the island, and it's okay. Mary-Jane and Gary have no worries. Connie is always going to find something to complain about, but I don't care. And Robin's accepted her fate, at least until we get the idol clue, and then she'll start her personal scramble and quest for the bounce with plenty of daylight left to do it in, even after a challenge that felt like it must have taken well over an hour. But -- -- I'm safe. For the first time in the entire game, I'm really, truly, unremovably safe. There are thoughts of my mother, and thoughts of what might happen next. Curiosity as to why Gardener keeps glancing at me. Some worry about the same. But I'm safe, and everything else can wait for another day. If the game will let it... -----------------------------------------------------------------   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Belle Book 1925 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Herbal Healing Drugs Endorser" 02-26-10, 07:38 PM (EST) 30. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Part IV" That was hilarious! Not so hilarious for Jeff, but it was hilarious for me! You sure have a great sense of humor, Estee! Poor Chris! I feel sorry for him, being on challenge duty in a water-intensive season next time! I guess he's not a very good swimmer. But it was still funny!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Estee 44384 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 12-14-06, 09:51 PM (EST) 23. "I Will Never Forgive You: Conclusion." LAST EDITED ON 12-21-06 AT 07:49 PM (EST) Before ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Topic title: S:SI Love List V.10} {6. Connie: There is something called 'practice what you preach.' And when we finally hear a little more of what she's actually been preaching all along, it'll turn out she's been practicing it too. Connie is very devoted to her beliefs. It's just that deep down, we may not ultimately want to know what those beliefs are. 5. Gary: Sure, he may be the single nicest guy remaining, but is he actually playing this game? Gary is the contestant who coasts along every season, never in danger and never doing anything to risk himself until suddenly, the rest of the tribe wakes up and says 'Wait! There's someone here who's never been in danger and hasn't done anything to risk himself!', then takes a massive jury panic dump. That vote from Phillip should be a sneak preview: the loyal taking pains to point out the presence of the polite before it's too late... 4. Mary-Jane: You'd think she's screwed up too much to ever win this game, but she doesn't. There's always been someone else who had to be gotten rid of first, and if that prioritizing continues, then we're looking at a coast-along win to match far too many others. More visible than Vecepia and more active than Jenna, sure -- but at this point, does she actually have a strategy, or is she just hoping to giggle her way through the endgame? 3. Robin: Doomed, doomed, doomed -- and will do her best to make someone else pay for it. Robin will not surrender: her ego won't let her, the pride won't stand to hear it, and there's nothing quite like a little (or lot) or foolish optimism to get you motivated for that impossible Immunity winning streak. I know this is a huge jump for someone who really should have thought about making a huge jump while there was still time, but call it the 'last days of Pompeii' placement. Respect the player? Nope. Love the rants? Absolutely. 2. Alex: Nice try on that vote flip: it's good to see she really is thinking for herself and not just serving as Gardener's little flunky like a fifth of the board seems to believe. Okay, it didn't work, but she was willing to try -- and who knows? If she was really willing to ride that one all the way to the end, maybe she would have dumped Gardener next thing. Playing like a pro and looking for every angle she can find, even after all she's been through -- but can she win this thing? No. Not with the jury as it almost has to be composed should she reach Final Two. A player who's done just about everything right -- but 'just about' isn't good enough. 1. Gardener: The game is his to lose. It's also his to win, and at this point, his path is not only clear, but has landing lights, radio clearance from the tower, and a party waiting at the reception desk. He is in total control right now, and the only things which can break his grip on the game are Immunity streaks, the hidden idol for however much longer it can last -- he should be the primary target for any bounce if people are thinking straight -- and just possibly the person in the second position. But right now, he's developing the group that's best for him, and it's slowly turning into the jury he needs...} ----------------------------------------------------------------- During ----------------------------------------------------------------- It takes a while to reach camp, mostly because everyone has decided this is the perfect time to start asking me questions. Namely, what's Phil like? How were his challenge skills? Did he let anything slip about the next Race? There isn't much I can really tell them -- he seemed nice enough, he eats like a champion, and no, it never came up -- but there's enough variations and outright repetitions to stretch out the trip. We also have to keep holding up for Mary-Jane, who vanishes into the vegetation twice in order to throw up yet again. Apparently she got to drink the cow's blood, which she assures us isn't even remotely Kosher in any sense of the word. Robin breaks for the front of the pack as we approach the entrance. Everyone knows why: she wants to be the first to the clue. The groan lets us know she's reached it. "Damn it!" Which is also sort of helpful. Gary catches up. "Bad one?" I can't tell: Robin's still in front of it. And a sigh. "Already solved it." Huh? -- and Robin steps away. We all look at the words -- -- oh. I look around at the others -- yes, everyone just solved it, even Connie. Each remaining person in Amanu knows exactly where to start looking -- and that's part of Robin's problem. The rest is a little more complicated. Robin wearily shakes her head. It's not quite surrender. Aloud for the cameras, "'Ask Davy for it.' I didn't think anyone was gonna miss this one. The damn thing is underwater -- probably in the ocean -- and that means a huge search area, hours in the water, it could be anywhere along the shoreline... Oh, screw it: I'm getting my bikini. If anyone needs me for the next day or so, I'll be trying really hard not to drown." She heads for her bag. Gardener watches her go, looking vaguely amused about the situation. Definitely in a good mood. "Can't argue that solution. There's only two diving masks, though..." Ouch: good point. Two people can search with clear vision and four are going to be looking for idol-shaped blurs. "And I'm taking one of them: time to go get some food. Alex, will you just change already? You reek." Part of that's probably the lingering miasma of fafaru: fortunately, I still have a supply of mansion mouthwash. "I'll shower." And leave the Immunity necklace on, although getting the blouse off while leaving it in place may take some work. It's only going to be with me for a few days, I won't have a chance to get used to it, and I don't want to miss a minute of the experience. He tosses off a shrug. "Whatever gets you out of range..." Over to the fishing equipment, sorting through. "Great. Another Tony Tangle: I swear he's coming in while we're asleep... Gary, want to grab one of the lines? I could use an extra hand -- that one was exhausting." The biggest man carrying the most weight on a long run: he does look a little worn down. Gary readily agrees, and I get Azure onto her perch before slipping into the shower. Mary-Jane and Connie are arguing about who's got next. It should be Mary-Jane, just to get rid of a few small (and smelly) vomit stains: apparently Connie decided not to bother with the rest of the challenge once she and Edward reached the fourth station... The rest of the day is almost unnaturally quiet. No one in the tribe brings up my mother. Everyone brings up Phil, but it's mostly saved for dinner, and there isn't much else I can tell them beyond his lingering nostalgia over the original clues. Julia gets me to the grove, and the postponed confessional is dealt with in a hurry: she tries to get me talking about my mother, I refuse to discuss the subject, she realizes she can't keep me against the base of the tree all the way through Council and finally moves on. I do thank her for calling Phil, and she shrugs and says "I didn't think it would work. It was just dumb luck, having him within a few thousand miles. And it's not like I had anything to lose -- they will take me back if I get fired over it. Maybe my best place is with my original tribe after all." As threatened, Robin spends most of the day swimming, slowly working her way up and down the beach in a modified grid pattern: I come out to check on the fishing and find her thirty feet out in the water, with Gary keeping a worried eye on her. "She's going to work herself to exhaustion," he predicts -- and sure enough, Gardener eventually winds up going out to get her after judging that she's had considerably more than enough. Robin doesn't exit the water kicking and screaming, mostly because she doesn't have the energy: she just grumpily declares that it's getting too dark to search anyway and she'll start again in the morning, probably on Challenge Beach so she'll have a little privacy. I'm pretty sure that either Mary-Jane or Connie already went there, though -- they were both dressed for swimming when they left camp, and I'm absolutely sure Connie wants to find an idol just to watch the look on Robin's face when it comes out at Council. Her preferred use would be to bounce me, but that option is currently closed. It's a quiet day, and it's followed by a quiet night. The rest of Day Thirty-Two passes without much of anything happening. It's almost too quiet, and just thinking the words feels like it's inviting disaster -- -- but I'm safe. My first thought on the morning of Day Thirty-Three is I have Immunity. I'm going to see Day Thirty-Six. And I've got to work on the layering... The weight of the larger necklace, worn through the night, occasionally made the claws on Phillip's poke into some uncomfortable places. Morning chores. I finish my sketches of the Immunity challenge, double-check myself on anything that depicts Phil, take a little time to check the lake for the idol -- just because it was there once already doesn't mean the staff won't fake us out by putting it there again -- and gather some fruit for the cooler bag. The heat wave broke overnight: we're back to our normal tropical temperatures, and it's a beautiful, clear day: blue skies without a cloud visible anywhere. Comfortable. Calm. Safe... I'm pretty sure I've just found tangelos. I've been exploring the area behind the top of the waterfall: Mary-Jane mentioned that she and David had been up there for the challenge, and I haven't really checked it out yet. She'd also mentioned seeing some fruit that she hadn't tried yet while not watching her father eating his dose of sweetbreads, and I wanted to see just what that was. 'Tangelos' seems like a strong candidate -- -- something coming through the plants, something big, too large for Azure, she decided to wander towards the river, and I start to spin around before formal recognition sets in, this is a sound I know and while it still means danger, it's a very familiar sort -- "Good. Found you." Gardener steps into the small clearing. "Hell of a climb -- I should try the dive back down just to avoid slipping. What did you get?" Looking at the bulging cooler bag, which I'm currently using for a carryall. I open it for him. "Tangelos? Good enough..." Nice to have the confirmation, anyway. He leans back against a small tree, which faintly creaks in protest. "We have to talk." I didn't think he'd come looking for me to check out the lunch menu. Sorry, Gardener -- if you're looking to go back on your word, you'll have to wait one more vote. It has to be the game: he's just not about to pull out the questions I've been dodging from other parties -- is he? "About the game, right?" That gets me a single calm nod. If he's upset about being stuck with me for an extra three days, he's not showing it. "Okay -- go ahead." A long look through half-closed lids. "You know I promised Connie Final Four." And here we are at the ugly part. I knew this was coming, I knew it had to come, but I wasn't expecting it this soon. I thought we had more time... "I thought you had to in order to get her switched." I also think he's lying. Final Four wasn't the whole of the promise: just a fraction of it. Another nod. "You're Final Four: I told you that. I'm sure as hell not going to try and get myself out. Connie's coming with us." A long pause. "I've been talking things over with the others -- Robin's getting three more days." ...what? "Who decided this?" Because I don't remember being asked for my vote. "Robin and I did," Gardener replies, his voice far too calm. "And Connie agreed with me. That's three right there. You're the fourth." Like hell I am! But that sends us to the tiebreaker, and we still don't know what it is... "Why keep Robin? If she goes on an immunity run..." The shrug has a vague touch of amusement lurking about the apex. "Can you really see that happening right now?" No, I can't: Robin might win one, and it would have to be the next one -- but if she reached Final Four, then... "There's bigger threats than Robin. She's happy just to get three more days. Right now, she's playing Sandra's card: vote for anyone as long as it's not her. But she's not going to go on a challenge streak. She is not reaching Final Two because we're voting her out on Day Thirty-Six. There's been too much variety in the challenges -- I don't think anyone can go on a streak. We just have to make sure she's gone before the last one." I force myself to nod. Endurance. Possibly combined with balance. The area where she could be a threat. "But if we dump her now, we keep Turare intact for one extra vote." He shakes his head. "Alex -- you're not stupid." You'd think that would have cost him more to admit, but it comes out very casually. "You can see the benefits of keeping Robin for an extra three days." Yes, I can. It makes you look good in her eyes. It redeems you a little for the rejection and gets you that much closer to getting her vote back. You're not worried about dumping one of us early because your plan works with and through that, and the only way past it is by going along with it... Another nod. Gardener seems to take this as full assent. "And you recognize that there are other kinds of threats." "Yes." Very neutral, almost placid. Yes, there are other kinds of threats. Like jury threats. "I'm giving you the choice." I look at him. He's still completely calm. "You've done the math. You know what's going on -- and what has to happen. There are two people who can go tonight. You tell me which one's out. I'll tell the others to vote that way, and it'll be settled. We negate the chance of Robin finding the idol on us because the bounce can't come into play on a minority vote." Protecting himself. "And the worst that happens is that whoever you pick has the idol, and the vote bounces to Robin. This secures a lot of things, Alex -- and gets both of us one step closer to Final Four." No, that's an 'all'. You're including Connie. But I understand his logic. I'd been going over scenarios... "And makes me look like the bad guy." "They don't have to know it was your choice," he tells me. "I'm asking for your opinion here, as someone who knows how to play this game." Apparently flattery is supposed to get him somewhere. "There's two possibilities. Which one do you think is the bigger threat?" "Which one would you get rid of?" Challenging him. No visible reaction. He just gives me a name. I agree with him. He looks me over, very slowly. Evaluating. "Wasn't expecting you to say that..." I force the shrug. "I can't fight you on this. Robin's not going to vote against her own best interests." Plus Connie would have to listen to me -- and then there's this. "You brought us to the stage where we have to start cannibilizing ourselves three days early. That was your call." Even when he didn't exactly call for a vote on it. "But I knew it would have to happen eventually. It always happens. It's happening now. If we have to get rid of someone, and you're giving me the choice -- that's my decision." We're close enough to the waterfall to hear the water rushing over it: the river that feeds it is about thirty feet behind me, concealed behind a row of thick bushes. That's audible, too. Everything can be heard in this silence: the water, the wind, leaves rustling, Alicias starting fights, Azure screaming right back at them, heartbeats... "You could force the tie," Gardener softly points out. "I don't want to." Another shrug, this one considerably less forced. "Five-one. It's over and we move on." I don't think he believed he was going to get me to cooperate quite this easily. But I think I know his plan -- more of it than he wants me to know -- and in the current main possibility for it, he almost has to keep me. It's in his best interests to do so, and those interests will become even more important after this vote. But he was expecting resistance -- no, Gardener thought he was going to get a fight. My quietly going along with things may be driving him crazy. Just a little bit cautiously, "You're with me on this?" I nod. "All right... we'll go with yours. I'll let everyone else know." He starts to turn away -- then glances back. "You do know something about how to play this game. Nice to see it making things easy for once..." Several moved branches later, he's gone. Gardener's wrong. If I knew something about how to play the game, I wouldn't have been in a position where he would have been able to ask me that. I would be in control -- but control is impossible. Things happen: things have happened. Gardener isn't bound by his promise -- he's going by strategy. If I'm right, then Immunity might not even be necessary for tonight. He wasn't planning to vote me out if I hadn't won. He may even need me... If I'm right. I could fight the vote. I could force the tie. I just don't want to. Robin has three more days, and the price is someone else's presence in the game. 'If' can drive you insane. 'Sorry' is weak. 'Cooperation' shouldn't feel like any kind of betrayal. It doesn't. Just for a heartbeat, I wonder why I went along with Gardener so easily. And then I wonder why I care -- followed by stopping. I don't care. This has to happen and it's happening now. So be it. In the end, they're all going to hate me anyway... ----------------------------------------------------------------- {Either this is going to be a very long hunt and Council, or we're looking at another post-vote scene.} {Pagonging: short Council. Idol clue: long hunt.} {Day Thirty-Three, and Robin's backed off on the idol hunting just a little, mostly because Gardener's no longer playing lifeguard and if she'd kept up her prior search rate, there was a good chance she was going to drown. Very resigned in this confessional: "Whatever happens at the vote, happens."} {Are we sure that was shot on Day Thirty-Three? That's the wrong outfit...} {Maybe she got dressed for a while before putting the bikini on?} {Or wore something else after she got out of the water following the first try.} {Everyone doing some searching. Mary-Jane checking out Challenge Beach, Connie doing some swimming with a voiceover confessional attendant. "I'm just curious to see what it's like to have the thing." Sticking to the shallows, though. Alex examining the lake in case of double jeopardy, Gary's in this hunt, and Gardener looks while he fishes. Makes sense -- right now, you really want to know where the idol is, just to keep the bounce off the board.} {Gardener finishing up -- and now we're following him? Is his mistress about to pounce from a high branch?} {Uh-oh.} {Okay. What's going on here? This is a weird play: he's starting this too early!} {Jury play? Trying to win back Robin's vote?} {But he's losing someone else's...} {Not if the victim thinks Alex did it.} {Alex has got to know he can break that promise! He'll blame the whole thing on her!} {With Connie and Robin cooperating? No, he's got to take at least a share of the blame, unless he passes her off as the leader...} {EPMB didn't give us a name here, but we know who this is going to be. There's only one choice Alex could have made.} {Robin's saving her own skin. This could be a mistake for Gardener & Alex -- but Robin's just going along with it. Can Alex shift the blame to him? This is one solid alliance and they both bring a lot to the table, but he knows she's at least a match for him in intellect. Alex can play a lot of angles here if she's careful, but a lot is going to depend on how tonight plays out.} {There's no way they're telling the victim, though -- not if Gardener thinks the worst-case scenario is a bounce to Robin. This is a backstab. The knives are finally out -- or in Alex's case, the claws and fangs. Someone from Turare is going and they don't know they're going. Sure enough, they couldn't keep it up forever.} {Well, we knew Connie had to get at least Final Four in her promise -- and Gardener's keeping that word. That gives us Gaping Knife Wound #1 tonight and Robin next Thursday.} {Confessional -- and now Robin a lot happier. "Hey, it's a shorter streak! If that's what they want to do, I'm more than fine with it. Give me a few more days to try another hunt, another Immunity challenge -- something I might be able to beat... I'm back in this thing! Look out, Connie -- here comes your worst nightmare." Actually, this could be a huge mistake on Gardener & Alex's part...} {Robin? Best-case, you're Connie's second-worst nightmare.} {Off to Council. Brace yourselves. This could get very ugly.} ----------------------------------------------------------------- The jury has to be kept up to date. The jury has to know what's happening in camp, what's going on with the challenges, and who's allied with who -- although that last is usually limited to whatever slips or gets boastfully declared. All they automatically know is who won Immunity, and Angela wasn't exactly happy when she walked in and saw me with the necklace. (Phillip just grinned.) But the process remains a mystery until Jeff brings it out -- and the more populous the jury becomes, the more he probes. But there are some things he doesn't ask us about -- -- mostly because other people beat him to it. "And she walked out," Connie interrupts. Phillip looks momentarily confused, so Connie helps me out with a quick finger jab at me. It has to work around Mary-Jane to do so: the arrangement today has me in my usual position at the bottom left, with Mary-Jane and Robin to my right. (Robin's already made a comment about wanting a quick exit. She definitely has some acting skills, at least when she's had a chance to rehearse.) The back row is Gardener, Gary, and Connie. "Because the show dug through paperwork, sorted out what had to have been hundreds of files, made phone calls, tracked down eyewitnesses -- and brought in her mother." Phillip's eyes go wide. "Alex was never lying about being an orphan: she didn't walk out because of that. She walked out because Jeff was gracious enough to give her the chance to stop being one -- and she rejected it!" Tony inhales deeply -- his family is fairly large, although no one's is a match for Phillip's horde -- and glances at Angela, who's slowly shaking her head. For my part, I've spent a couple of days considering my response. Of course Connie was going to bring this up at Council. What better time? I couldn't stop it and I can't prevent it from opening the door for other things. And I don't think I have a response that could make me look good in front of the jury, because those words may not exist. All I can do is say a small part of what I've been thinking. Ultimately, it won't matter anyway. "And what you're not saying is what happened before that, Connie. I had a deal in place with the show before I ever got here: if the family Reward showed up, I would just sit out. When Jeff got to me, that's exactly what I did: sat out. I wasn't expecting anyone to come out: he sprung that on me without my consent." "I doubt very much that you were given up with your consent," Connie shoots back. "Family is just about everything in this world, Alex." Great: Phillip's starting to nod... "Yours was willing to reach out to you. People seek forgiveness for their sins: you weren't willing to grant it." I thought getting rid of me was practically a benediction. And there are no words that can even remotely save me in the eyes of the jury now, are there? "It's my decision as to whether I want to seek my parents out, at least as far as state regulations don't have me blocked. I made the decision to go on without them. That was my choice -- and the show took it away from me." Jeff may be a little torn here: on the one hand, this is still more Council gold being displayed in front of the camera. On the other, he probably believes there's a chance that if this keeps up, I may wind up taking another swing at him. "Alex's description of the situation is accurate: we didn't tell her we'd contacted her mother, and she had no advance knowledge that anyone would be coming to the Reward." Which makes me wonder just what's going to make the eventual episode if he's confessing this here. "But it was Alex's choice as to how she wanted to deal with the situation. Her decision was to send her mother home and sit out the Reward competition." Why does Phillip look hurt? And where is Jeff going with this, because he has to be leading up to a question and there's no way he's going to ask me one, he'd better not ask me one... "Gary, you're the only person remaining with children. What was your reaction to seeing Alex walk out?" Figures. Gary takes a slow breath as he visibly considers his words. "Confusion first. Then worry. I didn't know why Alex had left -- there was a moment when I actually did wonder if she'd been making up her orphan status --" why did he have to go there? And why is Angela smiling like that? "-- but Jeff confirmed that she hadn't." And now it's gone. "Sorry, Alex -- but after Jon, it was going to come to mind." I nod: perfectly understandable. "I was confused too," Connie jumps in. "I thought she might have been lying and was just embarrassed at being caught out -- but if it was real, why would she walk out? And that was her mother: Jeff made that perfectly clear, too. To reject your own parent when they're just trying to reach out to you after so many years --" "Maybe turnabout is fair play!" It wasn't me. They were actually words I'd thought earlier, but I didn't say them. Mary-Jane is staring at Connie, eyes narrowed with fury. Apparently given the right situation, anyone can look like Gardener... "Alex's mother rejected her. She tossed Alex out and walked away without a second thought. Why don't we bring the rest of it up, Connie? There's a few details you're missing --" No! There has to be something I can do to stop this: half of Amanu probably knows, it could be everyone except Connie, I don't want her finding this out, not when it'll give her so much ammunition to work with and at least three more days of listening to bullets bounce off my tired shields -- "-- like the fact that Alex has sisters!" Tony and Phillip blink in sync, but Phillip's the lone jury member to successfully execute the minor jaw drop. And I'm pretty sure at least one other person is receiving this information for the first time, because my first visitor of the cycle doesn't seem to have been that chatty on the beach. "She got rid of Alex and kept them. Reject one kid? No problem! Just go and have a few more: maybe that'll work out! And --" Oh no you don't! "-- Gardener had more of a day than I did." Got her during the inhale: Mary-Jane freezes. "But his worked out pretty well." I am not asking Gardener to save me: I am asking him to change the subject. He had a very active time of things: isn't that of interest to anyone? Apparently not of immediate interest, at least not to him: Gardener snorts. "Nice dodge. Look, for the absolutely nothing it's worth, I thought they shouldn't have pulled that out of nowhere. If they'd walked my old man down the path, I would have had almost the same reaction. And he's dead, so mine would have been really spectacular. You didn't volunteer to have any parent pulled out on you: this isn't FOX." Jeff's got that we'll-have-to-edit-that-out look again. "So I don't blame you for getting out of the area so you could get your head together in private. The decision you made..." He shrugs. It's very useful, that shrug. The jury can read whatever they want into it. Jeff's decided to cycle back to this later. This could be a very long Council. "Gardener, you actually had the physical confrontation..." And another snort. "Not with all those cameras around." One of his rare grins. "So we're on me, huh? Okay. Listen up over there: this was my day..." We move on from there, but the Council isn't taking a linear direction. Connie in particular wants to keep coming back to me, and Mary-Jane is eager to return to the attack -- which leaves me scrambling for interrupts. It also keeps Jeff busy, because he has to get through the entire cycle for the jury, and this is in fact threatening to turn into our longest Council to date: it feels like it must have taken a couple of hours just to start putting the cubes down. But eventually, we start working through -- and past -- the Reward. Gardener does fill us in on more of his day than he brought up over dinner. "Bottom line: once I get back, we're still separated. But for all intents and purposes, we're dating. We'll see each other a few nights a week -- got to go into counseling with her, and that was a major concession on my part, because shrinks drive me nuts -- and we'll take it from there. So I'm still single -- but now I'm going steady." He shrugs. "That was more than I ever expected I'd get when she walked out, and it's something I can build on -- rebuild on." A brief glance at Phillip. "She hasn't forgiven me. But she's willing to think it over for a while. Believe me, I'll take it." Gardener has gotten half of what he may have wanted from the game. The rest is a few votes away. By contrast, Robin's still frustrated. "Fine -- I got something for myself." I'm expecting a fox grin at Jeff, but that's not in her current script. "But I still haven't won a damn thing. And after tonight, I'm not going to win a damn thing unless we've got an America's Vote going and there's a car up for grabs." Jeff interrupts to tell her there isn't going to be one. "Figures... I'm going out empty-handed, and if anything from the mansion gets anywhere near my bag, the heirs are gonna sue my rear into the ground. Maybe I can just sleep on the front lawn or something..." The act has to be kept up. The knife is lurking in the shadows: one glint of light won't stop the stabbing, but there's no point in letting the single member of the immediate audience know... Robin's speech turns out to be our lead-in for Immunity discussion -- and Tony actually falls off his seat. Connie's probably still irritated about who I got for a partner -- also because the entire Council hasn't turned into a full-scale shooting gallery with me on an endless family Reward discussion track, getting flipped around by her verbal bullets -- but for her current purposes, she's willing to be amused. "I'm surprised we didn't have a procession of people going up to Phil and asking for application forms -- host included." She smiles at Jeff, who's wincing a little. "It would be a sort of revenge -- go on his show and win." Which removes the wince -- if not the discomfort. "They'd never take me," Jeff reminds her. "I'd go with Julie, but -- well, let's face it: I'd never get in unless they were pretty sure we'd go out first. Not after that." Gary laughs. "As long as we know none of this will ever make the air -- show of hands: who would go for the run?" Every hand goes up. And that's every hand: players, jury, crew, and host -- -- who looks at his own raised appendage with faked surprise. "Well," Jeff shrugs, "it would be great, seeing his face if he ever had to tell me I was part of Team Number One..." Mary-Jane is having real trouble staying on Jeff's requested subjects. "I love my dad, but I know he's no physical powerhouse. He's always been better with words as weapons -- something certain people here know a lot about." Glaring at Connie. "So when we got partnered up for the Immunity challenge, I knew I wasn't going to win unless everyone else had some major problems. And then I finally got my dose of gross food... so much for the benefits of sitting out..." Connie smirks. Of course, she got the hot dog. "No one's been able to get a streak going yet: I didn't get to be the first. But at least I got him out here. Even if he does think I've lost too much weight --" another look at Connie "-- and that I've been hanging around with a bad crowd..." And eventually, to me. Jeff is careful about introducing the subject: some of the argument we had at the riverbank will never reach the air, and he doesn't want to give me the chance to bring it up again. But he does want me to speak a little, without being interrupted -- something he cautions the others on before I start -- possibly just to see what comes out. I aim to disappoint him. "It was about choice. I didn't have one." I want to blame Trina. I can't any more. "You could probably argue that it worked out for me, at least as far as the game goes -- Phil was probably a much better challenge partner than she ever would have been. Faster, anyway. So I won, and I know I've got three more days." How is the jury taking this? Why do I care? But Tony and Phillip both seem to be questioning my priorities. "Whether I reached out to her in any way -- tried to find out who she was, tried to make contact -- was always my decision to make. The show made it for me. We have so little control out here over anything... but at the same time, we know which areas are out of our control." Votes. Alliances. Attacks by jaguars, although the knowledge on that one is retroactive. "I never expected to be put in that position. You can say I didn't deal with it well. I say I walked out so I could find a way to deal with it at all." Jeff may have anticipated that answer, but there's only so much calling me out he can do on this. Still, he has to give some kind of response -- and he's very clearly been working on this one for the full two days. "We have her contact information. Given that -- if, after you went home, we turned it all over to you and gave you the choice as to whether or not you wanted to reach out to her -- would you?" Silence. Every pair of eyes, every camera, every breath is focused on me... "No." Very softly, but it was enough for everyone to hear me -- and Phillip's eyes just closed, as if in pain. "And your sisters?" Jeff's voice is almost as quiet. I ask the only questions I will probably ever ask about my biological relatives. "How many? And how old are they?" Still silence from the others. He's watching me closely, looking for the splash the answer makes when it lands. "Three. Twenty-one, sixteen, and thirteen." I'm the eldest. The closest to me in age was born less than two years after me: my birthday is still some time away. My too-early birthday. "I can't contact them without going through her -- not for the younger ones. When the time comes, it'll be their decision as to whether or not they want to seek me out. I won't force that on them." Maybe Jeff can see that. But I've left something -- someone -- out. "And the eldest?" Who's of age and theoretically out of her direct control. "I don't know." Why can't I raise my voice? "I don't know what they know. They probably didn't know I existed until a few weeks ago -- if she even told them that much." And what will they think of their mother, if the show airs a certain piece of footage? "Maybe she told them it was a business trip and left them with a babysitter." Aunt. Uncle. Grandparents. Father. "Maybe she'll never tell them where she went. Maybe she did tell them, and they're waiting to watch the show, see what I look like -- I don't know how the contract works there..." This much, I'm allowed to know. "She had to tell them it was a business trip. We couldn't enforce contracts on the minors." That makes sense. "So they wouldn't know why she left until the show aired." Which means she's free to break her own contract in the privacy of their home, telling them anything she wants to, months to make up any story she wants them to believe. They may never even see the show, by parental order... My eyes close. But they do it without my consent, and I get them open again immediately. "No, Jeff. I'll never contact her." Because I don't think she'll ever want to talk to me. And the topic is closed. There's some more talk after that: Jeff is jumping all over the timeline, stopping off at different points as the mood requires. Shari's day in camp, and Gary makes a show out of craning his neck to see if she's going to be brought in again. Connie gets a smile out of Phillip by openly wondering just who out of all the possible choices would have walked in for him, or if the staff just would have formed them all into a conga line and given him five minutes with each one. There's even a little on the tangelos, and Gardener finally asks the food question he's been wondering about for a while: "Are there truffles on the island?" "We found a small patch of whites," Jeff tells him. "However -- they're too close to the mansion for you to get to." A grin. "But if you find any near you, go for it. Just be prepared to dig. Now -- Alex: you have Immunity. You've given up the idol when no one expected you to --" and Angela's reaction is exactly what I would expect "-- are you going to be the only contestant to complete a bifecta?" No thought required: I shake my head. "This one, I'll keep." And just to make Angela twitch again, "This time." As if I'll ever win another one. Jeff shrugs. "Just this once, I thought I had a chance... With the necklace staying in place, you cannot vote for Alex." Until now, he hasn't been pulling variations on that particular sentence out for us. Maybe he thought Connie needed the reminder. "You can vote for whoever has the hidden idol, if it's even been found --" I don't know. Gardener told me he didn't have it, and I believed him. Robin may have stopped looking entirely after the promise she received, or she may have played her paranoia and searched for insurance... "-- but you probably don't want to. Regardless, it is time to vote. Gary -- you're up first." Gary stands up, heads out -- and comes back all too soon. I wind up going second, leaving Azure behind: she's been quiet on her perch for most of the night, and I don't want to disturb her. This is another one of those private moments. Write the name down, hold it up, look at the camera -- -- there may be nothing I can say -- -- but the camera operator wants words. "I have to." I don't. "I knew the game would reach this point." I could have tried to stall it out, could have fought. "At some point, it always comes down to this. The numbers always dwindle... It's not personal." It is personal. "I --" I don't even believe me. Back to the Council set, ignoring the camera operator signaling for some kind of finish to that sentence. Sit on my elephant leg. Wait. Connie. Mary-Jane. Robin. Gardener. So many knives. Just one victim. Maybe just one murderer. I'm about to kill a dream, and I don't care... ...or maybe I just don't want to care... Jeff nods to us. "I'll go tally the votes." I wonder if he'll be surprised when he reads them. He had enough time to review that footage, someone must have radioed the news in to him. Or not: my count reaches five hundred and twenty-eight before he comes back. Of course, some of that was probably used to rearrange the ballots. Which shouldn't have even taken that long. "After the votes are read, the person voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately." Robin cannot be classified as a pure dancer after this, not by anyone who sees her now: she looks ready to go. Frustrated and resigned at the same time, working on the words she wants to shoot back before slamming the door. "I'll read the votes." Lid. Placement. Reaching in. It seems to be happening in slow motion. I know what's coming. I don't know what the reaction is going to be. It is personal. It's not personal. It's the game. It's necessary. It could have been stalled. It had to be done now. The sound of one mind lying to itself is rationalization. I don't seem to be very good at it. The truth keeps intruding. "First vote." Will Jeff announce it immediately? How long will it take before I hear the soft sound of someone catching on? "Robin." No, not immediately: that was the vote of the recently deceased. 'Recently? When was the death?' 'In five votes...' "Second vote --" -- and the pause stretches out -- "-- Mary-Jane." She turns to her right, looks at Robin, smiling a little. It's just like the vote Phillip cast for Gary, right? You haven't had one yet: let's get you on the board. That's all it is. It doesn't mean anything. Sure, there's a little nervousness lurking under the warm smile because Robin found an idol once and that vote means she's just become the weirdest possible choice for a bounce, but surely Robin wouldn't vote for her if Robin had the idol. Robin would vote for Gardener. Connie. But not her. "Third vote --" I don't understand this pause. "-- Robin." What? That's Gary's handwriting! Gary wasn't told what we were doing! This isn't five-one, it's four-two! He was left in the dark, and that means that on this next vote, two people are going to feel the knife -- But Jeff is merciless. There has never been room in this game for mercy votes. Not here, not now, and not ever. "Fourth vote -- Mary Jane." And she knows. Her eyes widen, her mouth opens a little -- and then the process reverses: mouth closed, eyes closed -- and hands over eyes as her head dips down, her posture goes forward... Jeff stops. Only for a second -- but he stops. He wasn't expecting this, no one was expecting this, not the soft sound of sobs just barely escaping from muffling hands, not heaving shoulders and teardrops leaking from between fingers... Connie is smiling -- it's gone. I may be the only one who spotted it. Everyone else is looking at Mary-Jane -- no, Gary just looked at me, and he didn't know, no one ever told him, I thought Gardener had filled him in with 'everyone else' invoked, the illusion of a unified tribe, he's confused, he's angry... "Fifth vote: Mary-Jane." She's shaking now. There's no tie coming, no idol in her bag, no salvation possible. She knows. She knows what happened and she knows who did it to her, because Gary never changes his handwriting. She knows his and her own. The rest is deduction, and nothing is as cold and cruel as logic. "Sixth vote -- Mary-Jane." These words are emerging awkwardly. Jeff has seen screaming, accusations, fury. He doesn't know how to deal with tears. None of us do, and so they just keep coming. "The eleventh person voted out of the Society Islands, and the fourth member of our jury..." Trails off, stops. Mary-Jane looks up at him. Eyes wet, face wet. No words. Jeff has enough for both of them. "Mary-Jane -- you need to bring me your torch." She stands up, very slowly, passes in front of me on her way to the torches without looking at me, and I think she will look at me before she goes, she may even say something, but I'm ready for it, I've been bracing all afternoon -- -- she's in front of Jeff, eyes dipped low. "Mary-Jane -- the tribe has spoken." Gently, even if the words can do no more damage than was already done, "It's time for you to go." She doesn't watch her torch go out. I do. Walking to the door. Blindsided. No one told her. Time for her to go. Eventually, the time comes for almost everyone: Phillip knew that. This was Mary-Jane's time, and she wasn't ready for it. No words, no accusations, just tears, and her hand is on the knob -- -- no. She's turned. She's looking at me. She's going to say something, and I'm ready for it. She'll tell me she thought we were allies, and I could tell her she never said it, she never once asked me to be her ally, Gary did that and Mary-Jane just assumed I'd follow her. She's going to ask me why, and any words I might have for her wouldn't work because -- -- you knew. You followed me, you found out so much, you told someone, maybe lots of someones, I know you did, you talk to people, you feel and you hurt and you bleed for other people and I couldn't take your bleeding for me, couldn't take the sympathy and knowing that you'd told so many people in the tribe, made them tiptoe around me, made them pity me, couldn't take the hugs, made me want to get rid of you before you could tell anyone else like you almost did four times tonight, tell everyone else, made it feel personal -- Is the sound of one mind telling itself the truth insanity? And she does speak before she goes, speaks to me, and I'm ready for any words she could have, ready with silence because no explanation could ever be enough. But the words -- the words are wrong. Crying, so very softly. Words broken, misery dividing them into fragments, forced to the surface from the deepest part of her despair. "I thought we were friends..." And that's wrong. That has to be wrong. Because no one like Mary-Jane would ever be friends with someone like me. It's just the only twist of the knife she could find for me, the lie she wanted to get away with. She used me for the extra vote. If she wanted to take me along with her into Angela's fake alliance, it was because she knew she could beat me in the end. Mary-Jane would never be friends with me. It's impossible. She's found her lie and she's selling it with everything she has and I hate myself for even thinking about the possibility of believing her, even for a heartbeat -- -- which turns out to be just long enough. She's gone. Jeff regards us in silence for far too long. His gaze goes to Gardener's quiet waiting, then to Connie's badly repressed delight, travels to Gary and finds the shock still settling in, Robin's contentment with three more days mixed with the pain that came from watching that (which she's rapidly trying to conceal), and finally to me... I don't want to look at him. I look at the jury. Angela's not surprised at all. Tony never saw it coming. Phillip looks like he wants to chase Mary-Jane out the door, find her, give her a hug, tell her she has to smile... There's nothing on the jury I want to keep seeing. But when I look back, Jeff is still focused on me. Finally, "We've had just about everything at Council this season. Bounces. Vote switches. Idols being transferred. And now we've had a blindside: one where the victim clearly had no idea it was coming." These words almost seem to grind in my ears: "Your actions will come back to haunt you. Mary-Jane didn't know she was going. She just knows that she's out -- and she's already decided who she's going to blame." That bit was just for me, even if the next piece is trying to cover it up. "Of the five people remaining, four would have cause to worry when facing her -- which means one of them will do so." Has he finished? Is he out of knives for now? Can he stop cutting at me in a way the jaguar never could have dreamed of, because she was lying, lying! He can, at least for now: Jeff's almost done. He tells us no one found the idol, lets us know it was in the river that feeds the waterfall -- I may have been closer than anyone -- and finally gives me the words I need. "Go back to camp. I'll see you tomorrow." And we leave without a word, Phillip's sad gaze drilling into my back all the way out of the valley. We were four. Gary was one. Mary-Jane is gone... ...and she was never my friend, never, it's always a lie... ----------------------------------------------------------------- {...what just happened? That was supposed to be Gary! Give Alex a choice of who to remove, and she's going to save her secondary ally! Maybe Gardener's her partner, but Mary-Jane's worked with Alex since the beginning!} {I know that should have been Gary. Apparently no one told Gary that. Or Mary-Jane.} {The damage just came out to play, didn't it? Alex got rid of Mary-Jane just because Mary-Jane decided to give a damn about her! Did you see her face when Mary-Jane fired that last shot? Nothing!} {Congratulations: you just flunked Alex 101. I saw something. I saw pain. It was very fast, gone about as quickly as it ever is -- but it was there. That shot hit something. A small target, maybe, but M-J's the sharpshooter: dead center.} {But -- why? No one's that screwed up!} {Alex had an early confessional on Survivor Gold where she said Mary-Jane never formally asked her for an alliance -- maybe she just thought she could dump her without consequences.} {Alex isn't that dumb... she knows this can come back around...} {She can't win! It's official! Angela: vowed not to vote for her. Tony: follows Angela. Phillip: all about family, so even if it's another Turare there against her at Final Two, that other person has his vote. Mary-Jane: after that, never. That's four votes lined up against Alex that won't shift under any circumstances -- suddenly, she's the perfect Final Two partner!} {Plenty of time on the clock. I bet we're about to see some consequences.} {And once again: no bet against.} ----------------------------------------------------------------- After ----------------------------------------------------------------- I was stalling and I knew it. I hadn't been shopping this late in the day for months: I liked to get there early in the morning while the Manager's Specials were still available -- and lately, while the crowds were still sparse. But I had done everything later than usual today. Got up later. Started drawing well past my usual time. Went out too close to sunset. Walked back in the dark. Because if I don't get home in time, I don't have to watch the episode. Jeff didn't find that even remotely amusing. It did, however, seem to call for a gentle tone on his part. "It happened whether you witness the results or not." I know. I couldn't move any more slowly if it was ten seconds after waking up on the rock. I think I've been punishing myself. It's not like I'm working off my sins by suffering through the episodes. Nothing is ever forgiven. Nothing. Self-torture for the sake of self-torture. Pain here, pain there, sooner or later it adds up to pain... Never anything else. "Pain shared is pain lessened." If I read the book, my virtual Jeff read the book. That is one of the stupidest lines in the universe. "You have a habit of dismissing things you don't like by calling them stupid." They usually are... A soft hissing up ahead, an urban sound: this isn't the neighborhood for snakes -- I'm about two blocks from my apartment -- and if they heard that sound, they'd get out the area before they got tagged. Spray paint in action. Someone was spreading graffiti, right around the corner. Unfortunately, I had to go down that street in order to get back to the television which I was going to wind up watching anyway. I didn't want trouble, though. If I walked straight past, crossed the intersection, and went by on the other side of the street, that should do it. I leave them alone, they leave me alone. The last thing I wanted to do was start a problem with the new gang in town. Or maybe this was just an old one reaffirming their territory. Possibly even an independent artist trying to say something original with flames. I kept moving, the fence strobing by as filtered beams of light from the decrepit house on the other side tried to reach through. Past the edge -- -- not quite a gasp, not quite a yelp. Shock, definitely. Surprise: no question. I turned automatically to see what had made the noise -- -- no streetlight here, at least not a working one. Just a few tiny bits of illumination just barely escaping through dirty windows, enough to give shape to shadows. Male, had been standing near the fence and painting on it, but now straightening up, seemingly looking right at me -- -- looked back at him, automatically tried to make out features in the darkness but couldn't, he's wearing a hood -- -- ran. Away from me, down the street, up to a car, the sound of a lock being triggered by remote, jumped in, the engine had already started thanks to the same trigger, the headlights came on and showed the car was facing me -- -- sometimes, you just react. I grabbed the top of the short fence, hauled, didn't care about look or compression or anything, just hauled myself over -- -- and the car vaulted onto the sidewalk, seemed to plow through the exact space where I had been, I saw fractions of what looked like an expensive paint job flashing past me in the gaps, the embedded sparkles were a major clue as to the cost -- -- gone. I stayed where I was for a while, waited it out -- then went back over the fence. It was a very loud engine, the kind of car driven by someone who wants everyone to know how much it cost just by listening to it start up. At ten miles an hour, I would still be able to hear it from three blocks away. Plenty of warning. Well, that's one way to prevent identification... So was the hood. What could I tell Officer Ramirez? It was a male, I have his height, build, and the color of what was probably a stolen car. I didn't see the license and that means it's probably not a state plate because those are mounted on the front and back, or they were just removed outright... ...and a hell of a lot of good any of that will do. Had I stained myself with fresh paint on the way over? No: I'd avoided the worked-on area (although some of the ancient fence coating had come off on my hands) -- and there was just enough light to see what the design was: another one of those weird distorted double-S marks. That was familiar and didn't become any more comforting for it: apparently this was a very aggressive new gang. It was probably even aggressive enough to win converts from the old gang: there was something about the way he'd moved that was vaguely familiar (and still not a comfort). I'd probably known him in high school: just another person who'd decided that the best way to make the streets his own was by scaring everyone else off them. Not that I felt very scared. I'd moved, he'd missed, it was over... Do I call the police? Yes: might as well let them know the invasion was proceeding on schedule, even if their current priority was figuring out security for the street fair. Now? I didn't have enough information to make any real difference, and the few minutes I'd waited were more than enough for him to get out of the area. I checked the ground -- he'd run over one bag: goodbye bananas -- gathered the intact groceries, and resumed my trip to the apartment. Reporting someone who'd failed to hurt me could wait for a couple of hours. I had to go do a better job of it first. ----------------------------------------------------------------- During ----------------------------------------------------------------- Gardener's not much good with words of comfort, and I really doubt this sentence, delivered about halfway down the side trail, is meant as one: "You did what you had to." No. I did what he had to. But I'm almost glad I did it because that last lie was just too much to take. My friend. Of all the things she could have said! I don't answer him, not verbally: I just nod and keep walking. There's only one person I want to talk to, and that'll have to wait until we can get a moment alone. Assuming the others stop interrupting: Robin comes up, says a soft "Thanks," and moves on. Connie goes past me, regards me thoughtfully, doesn't bother with an insult, keeps going... ...and Gary passes me without a word. He hasn't said anything to anyone since the vote. This isn't the time or place -- we need privacy. I have to get him out to the starfruit tomorrow... I'm the last one into camp by a good margin. No one's talking: the group is settling down for bed after a very long Council. I'm not ready to sleep: I step into the shelter just long enough to recover my sketchbook. Gardener notices. "Staying up?" I nod, then transfer a sleepy Azure onto her perch. "Just for a little while. I just got an idea for a drawing." He shrugs. "Don't start a fire here -- I don't want to try sleeping through that much light. Just take the torch somewhere it won't flicker in my eyes, okay?" "No problem." I was planning on using the beach anyway. Out to the sand, sit in the hammock, rock slowly. Back and forth, back and forth. I don't have any ideas for sketches. The only image in my mind right now is Mary-Jane crying. The only words aren't her last ones, but they're part of the litany. Everyone lies to me. Jeff lied, Mary-Jane lied... ...and I've got company. How long have I been out here? "The others are asleep." Apparently long enough for that: Gary joins me in the hammock, giving me the usual amount of space. Good: we needed to do this, and the sooner, the better. "Gary -- I swear, I thought Gardener had told you." He nods. There doesn't seem to be any anger in his eyes. "I believe you. I saw your face when my vote came out -- I think Jeff caught it too, but I don't know if anyone else did. I haven't seen you surprised very often. You thought I was voting for Mary-Jane -- unified tribe." The pause is thankfully short. "Tell me what happened. Obviously Gardener started this." I go over the rough details: motivations are left out. "-- and then he said it was a choice of two. The only people left were you and her. He asked me which one I thought was the bigger threat. I asked him who he thought it was, he said it was marginally her, and I agreed. If I'd protested -- well, he'd made it my choice. He would have switched to you. And then he said he'd tell everyone else -- I thought that meant he was going to let you know, so there was no need for us to conference." Gary's smiling. It looks like we're okay. "So you saved me. I understand what happened -- he gave you a choice, and you protected me as your ally. It was what you had to do. But no -- he never told me a thing. Believe me, I'm not happy about it. But Gardener and I will have that talk later." He glances at the sketchbook. "I thought you were going to do some drawing." "Artist's block." There is something I could draw. I have a very clear vision of it. I just don't want to. "Sometimes it happens." Thoughtfully, "Well, let's see if we can get you past it." How? "Trooper and I actually talked about this once -- did you ever consider police sketch work as a sideline? Some departments still do it: you can't always bring the witness to the computer program, or vice-versa." It's an interesting thought. I don't exactly love the police: I recognize they have a hard job to do, I just resent the fact that it seldom seems to get done. But if I was just on-call for the occasional sketch-and-paycheck... I admit as much to Gary, at least for the beginning and end. "And there's San Diego to think about. You can almost bet that you'll have people coming up to you asking for sketches and on-the-spot commissions -- and some of them will be describing their creations, looking for your version of them. Most of those will be characters you've never seen." I'd told him about my ComicCon plans. "That makes sense -- I have that happen now, a little. Not very often, but sometimes, someone will ask me for that kind of picture." The initials RPG are frequently invoked in conjunction with the request. I had to look them up. "So let's try an experiment." Gary settles back into the hammock. "I'm going to give you a description -- vocals only, nothing written down. You draw the person I'm describing as I make them up. It'll give you some practice for San Diego, and since I'm doing the creating, maybe it'll help get you past your block." "Sure -- why not?" It's something else to think about, and it almost sounds like fun. I can't be so blocked that this won't work, right? And it's definitely a challenge. Besides, now I've got double the amount of torchlight to operate by. "How are we doing this? Head only, full body?" "Full body," Gary decides. "Let me think..." A long moment of silent creation. "All right. Female." I nod. "Give me the body type first. I can fill in the details as we go." Frowning with concentration. "Okay... about five-foot-five. Caucasian, because that'll come into play later. Thin build -- narrow arms and skinny legs. Not much of a rear." And the only reason that word came out is because Gary's going for a full description and doesn't know what kind of viewing angle I'm using. But I'm using a full-on view, so that one was just filler. Unless I do a rotation view later... Okay -- female, five-foot-five -- sure, this is working, no problems on the outline... "What's the rest of her build? Any positioning on the limbs? And what's she wearing?" Well, now that I mention it, she is in fact dressed. "Warm-weather clothing, but not much personal style. Medium length skirt, business pleats. Very basic blouse, short sleeves, high neckline. Sandals, no stockings, shaved legs. One bracelet, left arm, thin silver band. Slim waist. Virtually no bustline, but that's because she had a reduction and went too far with it. You know how you can tell?" I shake my head: I haven't seen the results of that surgery/mutilation wandering around very much -- at least not on people who've admitted it. "The position of the arms. She's reaching forward with both of them, palms up and hands open, arms slightly bent at the elbow -- but they're also out to the sides more than they should be. Working around something that isn't there any more." My glance contains a heavy dose of respect. "That's very observant." It makes perfect sense, and if I ever get a character like that, I can definitely use it. Now, have I seen anyone in the neighborhood like that? "This is almost a begging posture, right?" Modifying... Gary smiles. "It's part of my job -- look for details, even if it's just in numbers." Oh, sure. This actually comes from having to spot rival agents in disguise. "Yes, that's the posture. Half begging, half pleading." I collapse the spine slightly: there should be a leaning forward for that, reaching... "How's it coming?" "Pretty well, I think..." This is definitely working. "Any scars? Tattoos? Distinguishing marks?" As long as we're thinking about the police style. He shakes his head. "Very bland -- that sort of thing was never in character for her. She's late forties, by the way -- some wrinkles, mostly crows' feet around the eyes. She does a pretty good job covering them, but there's hints. We can hit that in a second, though. You need the shape of the head first: it's a basic oval, but with a bit of a point at the chin." Got it. "Mouth first?" Fine: it's his creation. "Fairly full bottom lip, upper one's full but a little short -- it gives her a slightly quizzical look." Okay: I've seen that before. He takes a glance at the sketch-in-progress. "Pretty good so far. Round out the bottom lip a little more -- now the hair: she tries to do too much with it. It's her compensation feature, it's what she wants people to look at. Very long, extremely silky. Ears are completely hidden. Highlighted almost to death: it practically glistens when she moves." Oh, yeah. Lots of that around. "How long is very long?" "Middle of the back." I extend it down past the shoulders and try to hint at further extension: add high weight... There: Gary can keep going. "Just about one of those afterthought noses: very small, but naturally that way. It's a little sharp, though. Slightly flared nostrils. Bring some of the hair down over her forehead -- good. Eyes just a little on the large side. Plucked eyebrows in a standard arc over them." Getting it... "Large iris. Gray hue." Wait a minute -- "Set them a little deeper than average." The sound of the sketchbook slamming shut is the loudest noise in the last thirty-three days. Gary looks directly at me. There's nothing to read on his face. "And now you know what your mother looks like." "You bastard." It's a hiss. That seems to be the mandatory tone for those words. "I was following your directions because I thought you were trying to take my mind off the damn vote, and you --" He's not reacting. If I stay here any longer, I'm going to react in a way he won't like. "I'm going to bed. You can just stay out here and sleep in the hammock." I don't even want him in the shelter. I wouldn't want him there if it was a eighty-person tribe and he slept on the third floor, access via rope elevator. Up, off, across the sand -- "-- Mary-Jane had a crush on you." Stop. Turn. It seems to take years. "...what?" He didn't just say that. Those words did not emerge from his mouth. I'm dreaming. I'm having a nightmare. I'll wake up and it'll be Day Thirty-One, I'm probably on the verge of sleeping through the stupid poem... Very slowly, "Imagine what it cost her to tell me that." Gentle, sympathetic. "She was miserable after the flip failed. She thought she'd ruined not just her chances, but yours. Depressed so far down I wasn't sure she could come back from it, and she had to unburden herself, even if it was to someone she thought was going to judge her..." I'm looking at him. There are no words I can say. There are no words I want to say, let alone anything I want to hear... He sighs. "Her own fault, she said. She always goes for the shy ones. She tries to make them less shy. She -- said she had you pegged for an early developer, because according to her, just about half of them decide early on that they can use their bodies to get whatever they want forever, a tiny percentage manages to adjust, and just about another half retreats into a shell and pretends nothing ever happened. She had you down for an absolutely typical example of the second type: hiding everything physical about yourself because you were terrified someone might be attracted to it. Not that she thought you were gay or bisexual, because she never thinks her luck is that good. But she still had a little crush for the first few days, because she thought you were beautiful and smart and might just have the game beat. And she decided that if she didn't win..." Everyone lies to me... Still soft, still controlled. "But she was worried about you. She didn't understand what happened after that first hug. She didn't think you were homophobic -- she didn't want to think that. Maybe you were just even more shy than she'd thought. Maybe she could shock you out of it -- wake you up a little. And she tried -- but that didn't do anything to help. So maybe she could just try to be your friend, comfort you a little here and there, try to find out what was wrong, do anything she could to fix it if only you'd let her --" "-- she told you." Finally, the words are coming. Gary just nods. "We talked regularly after the flip. Nothing like an alliance -- she just used me as a sounding board, someone to help her keep her head on straight. Because I didn't judge her. So she told me what she'd overheard. I think I'm the only one she did tell." I would make a fist. I would rush at him. I would do anything to make this string of lies stop, if I could just make myself move... ...and he won't stop on his own. "She saw how you reacted when Gardener picked you up, and that's when she decided something might be really wrong. That's when I decided --" "-- stop it." I now have some sort of movement, and for the second time in three days, it turns out to be shivering. "Stop it, Gary, just stop it --" Just a little bit louder, maybe one decibel, could be two. "She cared about you. She really cared. And when she actually decided to show you she cared --" "-- shut up!" There must be words somewhere that will stop anything and everything, maybe it's just a matter of finding them in time and I practically never do, but I found the ones that worked for Jeff and I have the ones that will work for Gary, work once and for all -- "This alliance is over!" And he stops talking. The perfect sentence. Game imprisonment, served alone. I walk away from him. I followed the rule he set down: the one who was moving away let the other one know. I head deeper onto the beach, closer to the shoreline, then make a sharp turn. I'm not going back to camp. I'm going to walk along the sand. And I'm going to keep walking along the sand until Gary finally goes to sleep, until I can come back without having to hear him talk, until after he understands that we're shattered and nothing will ever make me work with him again. Offended, alienated, rejected, hated by everyone human... I'm wearing a necklace that says I have three more days here, three more days in which I won't get the silence I'm wishing for, and I wish I didn't have it... ...I wish I'd never come here... ----------------------------------------------------------------- . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . {End of Episode #11}   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

vince3 15726 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 12-15-06, 00:13 AM (EST) 24. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Conclusion." LAST EDITED ON 12-15-06 AT 00:13 AM (EST) 'What isn't there can still be shattered: what isn't seen can still be undone.' and here I thought it was about Alex's heart when her mother came out...... it's really about the Gary/Alex alliance! (and also MJ's crush on Alex....) So, Alex was the eldest child. Not completely surprised, although I'm curious to see if Alex will have to bring out the "whole story" to appease the rest of the tribe/jury about her problems with her mother....... A gift from Cygnus!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

AyaK 8129 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold" 12-15-06, 05:31 PM (EST) 25. "Comments" {We finally know who the gay/lesbian contestant is. Didn't seem like Burnett would cast an entire season without one.} {Poor M-J. Stuck on Tribe Testosterone. No wonder she was looking for a "sisterhood" alliance.} {Hope EPMB didn't just "Lance" her on national TV.}   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Belle Book 1925 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Herbal Healing Drugs Endorser" 01-13-09, 07:16 PM (EST) 29. "RE: I Will Never Forgive You: Conclusion." Looks like Alex's alliance with Gary is over! Whoa! Here's my Love List for this episode: 1. Gardner -- you're not a bad guy. You screwed up and you want forgivness. I hope Audrey does forgive you in the end -- even if it takes her awhile to do so. 2. Gary -- ouch. You may have been trying to help Alex, but you picked the wrong time to do it -- or maybe just the wrong person to use your techniques on. As a result, your alliance is shattered -- and you're doomed. But Robin's going first. 3. Alex -- I think you made a mistake in going after Mary-Jane, but I can understand why you did it. This was a tough episode for you, and I hope things get better for you. 4. Robin -- can't say much about you this episode. But you had some good lines about your mother. 5. Connie -- Mary-Jane's right: you only hear what you want to hear. At least you love your husband. But I still dislike you. Azure: hmm. Maybe you do care about Alex not just because she's the replacement for your former master. You're really steadfast there. Out: Mary-Jane. Maybe you should have realized Alex might be scared that you'd tell someone. If you had and you had reasssured her somehow, you might still be in the game. But you didn't, and now you're out. And I'm still laughing over Jeff's reactions to Phil and to the challenge rules info! Poor Chris! Belle Book   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Belle Book 1925 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Herbal Healing Drugs Endorser" 01-13-09, 05:11 PM (EST) 26. "RE: Survivor: The Society Islands: Episode #11: I Will Never Forgive You" (jaw drops almost to the floor at Jeff's statement.) Wow! Looks like Alex has a mother, after all. She just didn't know the show found the mother, I guess. Other thoughts: I guess the woman Gardner had an affair with seduced him. Maybe got him a little drunk before then, maybe persuaded him that his wife would forgive him if he slept with the other woman just one time, I'm not certain. But she clearly seduced Gardner -- and he's paying the price in guilt. I hope he and Audrey can work their marriage out -- he clearly wants to make amends, after all. Belle Book   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

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