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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
encouraged to read the
complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"SSC4(NF) "Try""
syren 5414 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-01-05, 09:22 AM (EST)
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"SSC4(NF) "Try"" |
Try. For children that word is almost like a mantra. Try. It is such a little word that harnesses an enormous amount of power. So many times, I forgot the purpose of that word, and the impact the action can bring. Seven years ago I began to remember. I cannot fully recall the day that we buried her. My grandmother. I mostly remember the day she died. At the time, I thought that day was the hardest of my life. The call in the early morning hours expressing that she was close, broke into the sleep that I so needed. Try to get through this, rang into my head. So much was wrong in my life, I had no idea if I could face this alone. Family was there, but my brother and I sat outside of that group as it was announced that she had passed. Our grief racked through our bodies, the distance we had between us kept the enclosure of coming together at bay. We sat alone, both of us dispelling our hurt, as tears slid silently down our cheeks. The day that she was lowered into the ground, I walked alone. That day was the end of the word try for what seemed a long time. In the year following my grandmother’s death, I ostracized a great deal of my friends along with my family. I ended up in Tennessee, and for nearly three months the walls of a tent confined my life. In the end of that long journey, I discovered a present that still gives my life a purpose and path each day. I had someone with me, in Tennessee and I was blinded by the love that I thought we shared. We met a man, a wonderful loving, and caring man. It seemed at the time that his sole purpose was to lift us up and give us the faith to try again. Under his wing he took us. Me. He tried to guide us, but our own self-destructive needs took us only farther into the abyss. Looking back, I think he knew that it would not work, that we did not care. But still he gave to us what no one else did. Support. Structure. He made demands upon us. Demands that any reasonable person would see as normal responsibilities. However we were not reasonable. We knew all the answers and were invincible. Finally we left the nest that he made for us. Into our own that we would eventually destroy. There was little happiness in my life. No reason to continue to go on. I realize that now, and have no idea why I choose to live. No, that is not right. I now know why I choose to continue. Why I picked myself up, and made the hardest decision that I have ever made. I was having a baby, and suddenly everything looked darker, and lighter at the same time. The entire world was dark around me, and I had something wonderful forming inside of me. I often fight with my spirituality, and I know that this was a gift from some entity. It was a gift that was given to me in that final act of desperation to save me. I had to decide; I had to learn that word again. Try. There was another that was even harder for me to learn. Love. I had so much anger, and hatred inside. It was like a pit, one that would not close. As if forcefully staying open, almost swallowing everything that was me. I had to make a choice. A choice between what was known and that of the unknown. Stay, and become fully enveloped in the pit that was encasing me more each day, or leave. Leave to try not only to rebuild my life, but also to build a life for someone whose breath would come from my own. As my son came into this world kicking and screaming, I was also quietly being reborn. Before he arrived, I began to build. Everyday, even though I woke to new obstacles out of my control, I also had this spark inside that eventually began to flame. With it, I built. Slowly I added more each year till it became a firm foundation under my son and me. I awake each morning with the determination to try. I know that my journey is far from over. With each obstacle the day brings, a new door opens. New opportunities arise. I now do not look for the obvious, but instead I search for the inconspicuous. My strength is gathered from that little hand that takes mine, from the trust that he unquestionably has. Through him, I have learned to try. I am a mother, a student, a woman. Behind these titles, I am the person I lost so long ago.
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CantStandToLook 6254 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-05-05, 07:50 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: SSC4(NF) "Try"" |
That was a beautiful story and even more powerful because it made you into the wonderful person that we all know now.
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syren 5414 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-06-05, 02:43 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: SSC4(NF) "Try"" |
Thank you all. Your words mean so much.A little history about this essay. I had to write a scholarship essay based on a life experience. I had a list of words to choose from, and had to pick from that list a word that summarizes that experience. This was the final copy of the essay, however I never had a chance to submit it. Things came up, and eventually it was past the deadline. So I thought I would use it here. Thank you for reading and allowing me to share it with you.
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Glow 14286 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-11-05, 01:12 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: SSC4(NF) "Try"" |
This is beautiful, syren. Thanks so much for sharing it.
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brvnkrz 20471 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-11-05, 01:20 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: SSC4(NF) "Try"" |
powerful food for thought. Thanks for sharing.
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motormouth 4421 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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07-11-05, 10:13 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: SSC4(NF) "Try"" |
Wow, I got a lump in my throat while reading that. Thank you for sharing such a poignant part of your life. Truly beautiful, as are you.
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pixiechick 215 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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07-13-05, 06:42 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: SSC4(NF) "Try"" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-13-05 AT 08:14 PM (EST)you know I have this saved on my computer. Every time, to this day, when I read it, I cry because it touches me so much. I read the words and see who you are and see the person I look at and know and it means that much more. You have a wonderful gift with words Syren, and I just want you to always know that and believe it, because your words touch people with their powerfulness.
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Silvergirl1 8694 desperate attention whore postings DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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08-02-05, 02:32 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: SSC4(NF) "Try"" |
Thanks for sharing your essay, Syren. It's very thoughtful and brave. Sigs by Bob! Like nuthin you've seen before! A/C is cool.
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